Me and my friend Brick were down to the bar the other night, half sodded off our faces. Brick says to me, "You know what I always wanted? Fish." So I says, "It's all you can eat on Friday-- why not wait the two days and save a little money?" No, says Brick, "I mean, like, fishies. Not the kind you eat, at least not right away."
Both Brick and myself happened to have suitable containers in front of us, and a few extra quid that we'd planned on spending on one last pint. So, off we go to the fish store, and here's what we did.
Here's what you'll need:
1. A pint glass.
3. Fish. Duh. In addition to looking nice, I mean, they're kind of the whole point of having an aquarium, aren't they?
4. Drinking straw.
You can use just about any kind of glass, really. Me and Brick just stole the pints we were drinking. You know, they say you don't buy beer; you rent it. Well, we're not renting the pint glasses.
You can use any old glass, really. It doesn't even have to be made of glass. It helps if it's not opaque, though. We made one in a slurpee cup, and you just couldn't see a damn thing. A glass with some beer company logo painted on will save you money on decorating the thing later.
Figure out what you want to put in the pint glass. Right, I know, beer. But, stay with me. We're making an aquarium. Beer makes it harder to see the fish, and something about it must be bad for them, because they don't last as long. Water seems to work best.
You'll probably want to put something in the glass to make the thing pleasing to look at. Don't throw just anything in there. Brick put a fork, a two pound coin, and his car keys in his. You might want to go with something more natural, like plant life. Many plants will be too big for the pint glass, so choose things to scale. A dandelion, a handful of grass, or even just some oregano will do the trick. Legos tend to work pretty well, too.
I can't emphasize this aspect of your aquarium enough. Water is absolutely essential. It keeps the fish from getting all dried up. In fact, it's interesting to note that the word "aquarium" comes from the latin for "water something". Use clean water, and no ice cubes.
Here again, size is important. Measure across the width of the glass, and get a fish that's shorter than that. Lengthwise, I mean. Although fish can stand up on end, they normally don't do so on their own. Get a guppie or a goldfish or something.
Fish to stay away from include carp, walley, tuna, or anything that's not moving. Moving fish make a big difference in the overall quality of the aquarium.
This part took me an Brick a long time to work out, in many different ways. You'd think that fish wouldn't need air, I mean, they're fish, right? Maybe they don't, but they seem to like bubbles, nonetheless. You don't have to do this constantly, but if you blow some bubbles with the straw, it tends to help.
One big problem we had with this was, Brick kept sucking. It's mostly water, and a little fish crap, so it's not like it's too foul or anything. But one time Brick got the fish stuck on the end of the straw, and then it became a big game of how long can you suck, without the fish falling off the end of the straw. It was kind of funny at the time.
That's about it, really. The fish last about a week, even if you blow a lot of bubbles. It's a little bit of a mystery what they eat, around about day six mine started eating oregano. Hell, it's better than watching the local boys lose at footie again, and it's kind of educational. And when you're done, you can keep the pint glass.
Pint glass, with beer: 3 pounds
About an ounce of oregano: 3p maybe?
Fish: 2 pounds
(apologies to graal, who wrote a really good story on how making a pond in a bucket, or something)