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Looting Tips

By Meatbomb in Culture
Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 03:08:19 PM EST
Tags: Humour (all tags)
Humour

You've already missed out on Baghdad and Basra, but by planning and preparing now you can be first in line in Damascus or Pyongyang.

Practical advice inside - loot like a professional!


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comments (24)
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1. Organize your gang well ahead of time

Once the regime falls, it's too late. The biggest and toughest bullies will already be on someone else's team. Be discreet about it, but do line up your looting party beforehand. ("Achmed, I know we're part of the party militia right now, but if something, well, you know, happens... will you loot with me?")

2. Timing is Everything

Timing isn't just a concern for businessmen, for looters it's crucial too. A few hours can mean the difference between a bullet through your head, all the modern electronics you can carry, or just smoldering archives in a stripped-out shell. You have to hit your targets just after the old guard has thrown in the towel, but just before everyone else has caught wind of the change.

Pay attention to the sounds of artillery. If your city is already being shelled, make regular patrols during the late night and early morning hours - as soon as you see there is no sentry in front of the target structure, gather your team and strike.

If you arrive late, it is considered poor form to rob other looters. Play fair, it's your own fault if you are late to the party!

3. Select and prioritise your targets

Presidential compounds and the homes of ruling party members are the best pickings, but may be guarded to the bitter end. Come well armed. For the early bird there will likely be modern electronic entertainment gear, quality alcohol and foodstuffs, with European furnishings and housefittings available for the more determined.

If you need to get off to a "running start", you might instead begin with a military base, but here contacts are important. Trucks, communications gear, and weapons will be your main priority when looting these installations, in order to loot more effectively elsewhere.

Government offices are third choice, with a lot of used office furniture and low-end computer equipment.

The worst pickings are to be had at hospitals and schools. The nagging emotional reminders will only slow your hoarding down. However, wheelchairs do make decent wheelbarrows.

4. Bring the right tools for the right job

In the early stages of the chaos, you can't have enough guns and ammo. On days 2 and 3, the enterprising looter should have a good selection of wrenches and screwdrivers in standard sizes, a sturdy crowbar, and an exacto knife. These tools will facilitate the stripping of carpets, built-in wall units and other fixtures.

5. Your only limitation is your carrying capacity

How much stuff can you transport? A pickup or SUV will suffice for high-end items on day one, but on later days a heavy truck or horse-drawn transport will serve to transport carpeting, refrigerators, air conditioning units and the like.

6. Business first, pleasure later

Day one of year zero, what to do, what to do?

Remember - the party official who killed your family member will still be walking around tomorrow, and you'll still have a gun. The statues and posters of the beloved leader might get ripped down, but you can always buy the video and see it on TV later. The beloved leader's TV and stereo will not be available to loot tomorrow. Make hay while the sun shines.

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Poll
You top looting priority?
o Guns and ammo 32%
o Booze and drugs 19%
o Electronics 29%
o A/C and electrical 2%
o Furniture 2%
o Carpeting and fixtures 0%
o Clothes, sundries, regime momentos 7%
o Other 3%

Votes: 234
Results | Other Polls

Related Links
o Also by Meatbomb


Display: Sort:
Looting Tips | 169 comments (162 topical, 7 editorial, 0 hidden)
Humor (4.03 / 55) (#2)
by marx on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 12:28:53 PM EST

I think it's pretty interesting to see that after the WTC attacks, any article making fun of the event or criticizing the USA was met with "show some fucking respect dude", "at least let some time pass", and similar comments.

Whereas when something similar happens elsewhere in the world, there is no limit to the stream of derogatory jokes and chest-pounding comments and articles.

Some people claim that most humor in the US is based on making fun of other people, and almost never yourself. I think at least this observation supports that theory.

Join me in the War on Torture: help eradicate torture from the world by holding torturers accountable.

Hmm, let's see (1.06 / 16) (#4)
by A Proud American on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 12:30:44 PM EST

The WTC was a terrorist attack against Americans on American soil, costing thousands of lives and billions of dollars.

Somehow I don't think the situation in Iraq is in any way similar to that.

____________________________
The weak are killed and eaten...


[ Parent ]

Hmm, let's see (2.46 / 13) (#5)
by jt on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 12:32:50 PM EST

Gulf War II was a terrorist attack against Iraqis on Iraqi soil, costing hundreds of lives and billions of dollars.


[ Parent ]
Look up what TERRORIST means (1.93 / 15) (#13)
by A Proud American on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 12:43:37 PM EST

You stupid fucking cunt.

terrorist
adj : characteristic of someone who employs terrorism (especially as a political weapon); "terrorist activity" n : a radical who employs terror as a political weapon

A government force liberating the Iraqi people is in no way an act of terror.

A group of sick and twisted individuals unattached to any government attacking another government is terrorism.

____________________________
The weak are killed and eaten...


[ Parent ]

Shock and Awe != Terrorism???? (4.25 / 4) (#14)
by freddie on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 12:48:35 PM EST




Imagination is more important than knowledge. -- Albert Einstein
[ Parent ]
I think it was more.. (4.00 / 1) (#20)
by mordant1123 on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 01:11:28 PM EST

Of course he probably meant that since this operation was government sanctioned, it doesn't fall within the rubric of terrorism.. But let's pretend we're A Proud American and troll a little bit.

<troll>
It was less that 'shock and awe' didn't 'terrify', and more that 'liberating the Iraqi people' isn't a political act.
right?

I mean, it's all politics, but wouldn't political change imply that the Iraqi's _won't_ be governed by an American chosen puppet regime for the foreseeable future (all in the name of democracy) -- I mean imagine what might happen if they voted in the 'wrong candidate'.
*and yes, I understand that a direct move into democracy brought from the outside can result in a population which may need to drastically change their political behaviour/thinking, and that without a major support structure, change takes time. (or else give rise to 'democratic' dictators who start off their reigns by expressing the tyranny of the majority.)

And then there's:
"A group of sick and twisted individuals unattached to any government attacking another government is terrorism. "
Unless of course it's their own government, in which case they're guerillas, insurgents, revolutionaries, or 'Freedom Fighters', depending on whether they've got U.S. support.
I may be mistaken, but in general I've understood one difference between 'guerillas' and 'terrorists' is that the target of the guerillas _is_ governmental, while terrorists targets spill into (or are exclusively comprised of) the civilian population.
</troll>

-----
"There is no intellient opposition to white nationalism." - Johnny Walker
[ Parent ]

Mealy mouthed pedant (1.83 / 6) (#23)
by Filthy Socialist Hippy on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 01:16:00 PM EST

Did you see the Iraqis cheering?

DID YOU SEE THE IRAQI'S CHEERING?

--
leftist, you don't love America, you love what America with all its wealth and power can be if you turn it into a socialist state. - thelizman
[ Parent ]

Mealy mouthed pedant (3.00 / 4) (#25)
by sllort on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 01:21:06 PM EST

Did you take a Gallup Poll in IRAQ?

DID YOU TAKE A GALLUP POLL IN IRAQ?

People cheering in fear for the people with the guns... now that's something you never see in Iraq.
--
Warning: On Lawn is a documented liar.
[ Parent ]

LA LA LA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU (1.77 / 9) (#29)
by Filthy Socialist Hippy on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 01:34:51 PM EST

Sorry, just synopsising the new liberal position on Iraq.

It's still not too late to jump on the bandwagon though.  Next stop, Syria, or grab hold of the Cuba wagon going the other way.

--
leftist, you don't love America, you love what America with all its wealth and power can be if you turn it into a socialist state. - thelizman
[ Parent ]

You keep calling me a liberal... (3.00 / 3) (#33)
by sllort on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 01:49:16 PM EST

Because I don't support large spending programs and big government, like you.

You're very confused.
--
Warning: On Lawn is a documented liar.
[ Parent ]

Sorry, I'm just using it as shorthand for (1.42 / 7) (#36)
by Filthy Socialist Hippy on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 02:02:56 PM EST

"Hates America".  Don't worry, you have plenty of company.  But don't forget, even with you all lumped together - vile commies, abhorent socialists, whiny liberals, deluded tree huggers, hate-everything libertarians - you're still a minority, therefore utterly irrelevant in our brave new system that doesn't waste time greasing the squeaky wheel.

But tell you what.  To make you feel better, you can retort with something scathing and incisive, and I'll preemptively grant you a moral victory.

--
leftist, you don't love America, you love what America with all its wealth and power can be if you turn it into a socialist state. - thelizman
[ Parent ]

Why do you hate America so much? (3.00 / 1) (#116)
by Gully Foyle on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 05:29:31 AM EST


If you weren't picked on in school you were doing something wrong - kableh
[ Parent ]

I like how "Sorry"="Not sorry" (3.00 / 1) (#146)
by Pihkal on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 02:47:55 PM EST

Don't forget us government-abolishing anarchists! To us, all sides just appear to be Concentrations of Authority. Damn, we always get short shrift even in insults and deprecations. Next time, remember to deride us using standard anarchist stereotypes. I suggest "bomb-throwing anarchists", "molotov cocktail-wielding anarchists" or "window-smashing anarchists".

"I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered!"
-- Number 6
[ Parent ]
Hey. between, you, me, and Baghdad, (4.37 / 8) (#30)
by mordant1123 on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 01:35:14 PM EST

Ain't likely there's too much love for the ex-tyrant of Iraq flowing around
(and I say 'ain't likely' instead of asserting 'no love', because I don't know you, and I'm fairly sure there's still some loyal Baathists left in Baghdad)

On the other hand, I (personally) have an incredible distance between the feelings of 'I am deeply and truly grateful.. words can't express..' and 'I am your new hand-puppet'.. and I'm guessing that the even the most jubilant Iraqi isn't planning to be fitted for finger holes.
Which is as it should be.. if this is a liberation, you don't 'liberate' by imposing a replacement.

We're transitioning them from a state-run economy, and a one-party system.. (and what a party.. don't get me wrong) .. Let's not just be changing the first, and not the second.

And then I've a cynical thought --
'Hey.. they cheered Saddam too.. they've got decades of experience in what to do around people with bigger guns.'.
Here's hoping that one's wrong.

-----
"There is no intellient opposition to white nationalism." - Johnny Walker
[ Parent ]

Irrelevant (1.57 / 7) (#34)
by Filthy Socialist Hippy on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 01:51:23 PM EST

They are happy now.  For the love of sweet baby Jesus, just acknowledge the fact and join the rejoicing rather than burying it in mealy mouthed "But aaaah..." qualifications.

Sure, they might be cowards, but they're not idiots.  They don't want to be ruled by the USA.

That's fine with me, because I don't want to be paying taxes to turn their worthless sandpit into yet another unsustainable high tech time bomb that will fall apart as soon as we've sucked the oil dry.

It'll be fine, you'll see.  They get to think they're running their own country, we get to have all the oil.  Everyone is happy, and if not, well, what exactly are they going to do about it?  Sulk and scowl and give 99.963% votes in favour of our puppet government?

--
leftist, you don't love America, you love what America with all its wealth and power can be if you turn it into a socialist state. - thelizman
[ Parent ]

Sorry.. what was I thinking?.. (none / 0) (#35)
by mordant1123 on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 02:00:29 PM EST

Where's the spanner and wheelbarrow? I'm off to loot!

Happy.
Happy.
Happy.

-happy-

Damn the mealy mouthed un-good-think! I love Big Filthy Socialist Hippy Brother!

-----
"There is no intellient opposition to white nationalism." - Johnny Walker
[ Parent ]

Dude.. (4.33 / 3) (#37)
by Kwil on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 02:05:27 PM EST

.. you need to tone it down.  Your troll mask is slipping. Take a break, get a new account to play with for a while, then come back with a fresh perspective.

That Jesus Christ guy is getting some terrible lag... it took him 3 days to respawn! -NJ CoolBreeze


[ Parent ]
I might do (1.00 / 3) (#41)
by Filthy Socialist Hippy on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 02:14:44 PM EST

I saw myself .sigged earlier, so my work here is pretty much done.

I found this incarnation much more fun though.  It really is liberating to be on the bandwagon rather than sniping from the ditch.  Give it a try and see.

--
leftist, you don't love America, you love what America with all its wealth and power can be if you turn it into a socialist state. - thelizman
[ Parent ]

Did you see them dieing ..... (2.66 / 3) (#90)
by taniwha on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 07:36:49 PM EST

at least we only killed 1000s this time unlkike the 10,000s last time

[ Parent ]
Were the looters cheering the troops? (nt) (none / 0) (#128)
by LQ on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 08:13:11 AM EST



[ Parent ]
another definition (5.00 / 10) (#16)
by misfit13b on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 12:52:12 PM EST

ter·ror·ism n.
The unlawful use or threatened use of force or violence by a person or an organized group against people or property with the intention of intimidating or coercing societies or governments, often for ideological or political reasons.

Interesting.

[ Parent ]
DUDE - nice troll - like the handle (nt) (none / 0) (#104)
by lukme on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 12:34:40 AM EST




-----------------------------------
It's awfully hard to fly with eagles when you're a turkey.
[ Parent ]
Also (1.60 / 5) (#21)
by Filthy Socialist Hippy on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 01:14:51 PM EST

I seem to remember plenty of Americans cheering in the streets after 9/11.

No... no, wait, not cheering.  Weeping.

For a terrorised nation, Iraq seems to be pretty grateful now.

--
leftist, you don't love America, you love what America with all its wealth and power can be if you turn it into a socialist state. - thelizman
[ Parent ]

Weeping (3.33 / 3) (#24)
by marx on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 01:20:06 PM EST

You can find plenty of weeping in Iraq too. Maybe the embedded reporters of your particular news organization haven't actually talked to real people, but I have seen many Iraqis who have wept over their dead or wounded relatives, and asked "is this what America wants to give us?"

There were ~3000 dead in the WTC bombings, and currently there are ~1000 dead in Iraq.

Join me in the War on Torture: help eradicate torture from the world by holding torturers accountable.
[ Parent ]

hardly. (4.33 / 3) (#27)
by pb on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 01:30:56 PM EST

More like ~7000 dead in Iraq, if you count Iraqi civilians and Iraqi soldiers.

...and I guarantee you, Iraqi soldiers number among the "dead and wounded relatives" of Iraqis...
---
"See what the drooling, ravening, flesh-eating hordes^W^W^W^WKuro5hin.org readers have to say."
-- pwhysall
[ Parent ]

Nonsense (1.22 / 9) (#31)
by Filthy Socialist Hippy on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 01:37:36 PM EST

If that were true, they'd have shown it on Fox.

Alternatively: who cares?  What exactly the hell are they going to do about it?  Wave AKs in the air and threaten to destroy us utterly (again)?  Oooh, scary.

--
leftist, you don't love America, you love what America with all its wealth and power can be if you turn it into a socialist state. - thelizman
[ Parent ]

Truth? (4.50 / 2) (#38)
by misfit13b on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 02:08:21 PM EST

Since when did Fox start caring about truth? I thought it was all about hype and ratings, just like every other news network.

[ Parent ]
Sure (2.00 / 4) (#39)
by Filthy Socialist Hippy on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 02:12:55 PM EST

Because al Jazeera and CommieNet are unbiased sources, right?

--
leftist, you don't love America, you love what America with all its wealth and power can be if you turn it into a socialist state. - thelizman
[ Parent ]
not at all (4.00 / 1) (#40)
by misfit13b on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 02:14:18 PM EST

And I don't recall saying that either.

[ Parent ]
But you hate America (1.00 / 8) (#43)
by Filthy Socialist Hippy on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 02:17:16 PM EST

Axiomatically, you must have been brainwashed by their propaganda.

You see, I do make allowances.  It's not really your fault that you're a traitor.

--
leftist, you don't love America, you love what America with all its wealth and power can be if you turn it into a socialist state. - thelizman
[ Parent ]

How so? (4.50 / 2) (#44)
by misfit13b on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 02:22:13 PM EST

I'm a traitor because I take news coverage with a grain of salt? Perhaps you got confused and meant to reply to another poster.

(Or maybe I should just learn to ignore your trolling.)

[ Parent ]
Confusion leads to an open mind (2.40 / 10) (#52)
by Filthy Socialist Hippy on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 03:33:09 PM EST

An open mind lets in liberal propaganda.  Liberal propaganda leads to you joining a cult, like the Moonies or the Democrats.  Either way, you end up supporting terrorists.

Didn't you get the memo?

--
leftist, you don't love America, you love what America with all its wealth and power can be if you turn it into a socialist state. - thelizman
[ Parent ]

Shoulda known better... (none / 0) (#56)
by misfit13b on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 03:44:25 PM EST

You took a straw man making class in high school didn't you? :^)

[ Parent ]
Not as such (1.00 / 7) (#60)
by Filthy Socialist Hippy on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 04:08:12 PM EST

Although, I did take yo momma roughly from behind last night.

--
leftist, you don't love America, you love what America with all its wealth and power can be if you turn it into a socialist state. - thelizman
[ Parent ]
REVEREND SUN MOON LOVES YOU (4.00 / 1) (#106)
by genecyst on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 01:47:38 AM EST

incidentally, the Moonies are right wingers. They hang out with Bush (and fund his campaigns). They own the radically war-mongering and 'neoconservative' Washington Times. But you're a troll anyway.

[ Parent ]
Tsk tsk (3.00 / 3) (#122)
by Filthy Socialist Hippy on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 06:05:25 AM EST

There is no "right" and "left" any more.  Just Republicans and liberal hippies.  Fortunately there are more Republicans that all the liberals put together, and so they become irrelevant.

God bless our first past the post electoral system.

--
leftist, you don't love America, you love what America with all its wealth and power can be if you turn it into a socialist state. - thelizman
[ Parent ]

Fox? Truth? (5.00 / 1) (#100)
by davidokeby on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 11:18:15 PM EST

Fox showing truth? I live in Australia so I am mostly insulated from the American news networks although I do get them on sattelite. Fox is the laughing stock of them all - it is considered the most biased of all the major news networks. Even our conservative media is making jokes about their coverage!

[ Parent ]
<click> (none / 0) (#137)
by minusp on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 11:37:33 AM EST


Remember, regime change begins at home.
[ Parent ]
That's just directcivilian victims of the bombings (5.00 / 3) (#50)
by jeti on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 03:30:08 PM EST

The figure ~1000 is consistent with the reported deaths of direct civilian victims of bombings.

It doesn't take Iraqi soldiers into account (remember, most of them are press-ganged).
It also doesn't take into account old people that are likely to have died from thirst in their homes etc.
Then there are victims in hospitals that don't have electric power anymore.

And don't forget that the war isn't over yet.

The important thing now is that water supplies are restored, and enough food gets distributed. Fast.

[ Parent ]

Fine (none / 0) (#53)
by marx on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 03:34:10 PM EST

It's comparable to the WTC civilian death toll anyway.

Join me in the War on Torture: help eradicate torture from the world by holding torturers accountable.
[ Parent ]

What's one got to do with another? (none / 0) (#68)
by jeti on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 04:34:35 PM EST

It's comparable to the WTC civilian death toll anyway.

I cannot see even the slightest reason to compare these numbers to each other.

[ Parent ]

The slightest reason.. (2.57 / 7) (#87)
by stormie on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 07:25:58 PM EST

I cannot see even the slightest reason to compare these numbers to each other.

Why on earth would you not compare the death toll in Iraq from the toppling of Saddam Hussein's regime with the death toll caused by the Iraqi hijackers Saddam Hussein sent to destroy the World Trade Centre?



[ Parent ]
Weren't the Hijackers Saudi? (4.50 / 2) (#101)
by kraant on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 11:25:42 PM EST

Why on earth would you not compare the death toll in Iraq from the toppling of Saddam Hussein's regime with the death toll caused by the Iraqi hijackers Saddam Hussein sent to destroy the World Trade Centre?

My my you Americans swallow your governments lies so easily.

ps. ATTN Rusty "Centre" is coming up as a spelling mistake... Fix your dictionary.
--
"kraant, open source guru" -- tumeric
Never In Our Names...
[ Parent ]

good grief (5.00 / 2) (#107)
by danny on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 03:06:43 AM EST

Saddam Hussein had NOTHING to do with the September 11 attack. Nor did he have any connection with Osama bin Laden.

Danny.
[900 book reviews and other stuff]
[ Parent ]

They were Saudis (5.00 / 3) (#115)
by jeti on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 05:11:53 AM EST

Please be aware that the terrorists responsible for 9/11 came from Saudi Arabia.

No believable connections could be found to found to Iraq at all.

[ Parent ]

is this a troll or just a propaganda victim? -nt- (5.00 / 1) (#124)
by lemming prophet on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 06:31:36 AM EST


--
Follow me.
[ Parent ]
Check out... (none / 0) (#110)
by faustus on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 03:52:20 AM EST

...Iraq Body Count. It counts civilian deaths based off of news reports.

[ Parent ]
The WTC attack was *ART*. (2.40 / 20) (#42)
by Mr Hogan on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 02:14:52 PM EST

The '*'s in the subject - they are deadly ninja stars of truth.

--
Life is food and rape, then tilt.
[ Parent ]

Pay no mind to this zero-rating rabble. (5.00 / 1) (#71)
by RobotSlave on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 04:41:33 PM EST

Clearly, they've never heard of Karlheinz Stockhausen.

Nor, I suspect, are they willing to reflect seriously on their own reasons for watching that "mesmerising" footage of the burning, collapsing towers for the second time, for the fifth time, for the tenth time...

[ Parent ]

The WTC attacks (4.80 / 10) (#77)
by it certainly is on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 05:38:47 PM EST

are, without a doubt, the finest, most effective terrorist attacks I've ever seen. They're made all the more spectacular by the time delay between hits, allowing the news networks to get in position with cameras focussed to helplessly watch the second plane smash in. Like with the Gulf Wars, television makes for a magnificent propaganda dissemination device. The WTC attacks shock-and-awed America so hard that they've turned into some sort of fascist state in recent times, desperately throwing away liberties and spying on everyone as if that'll save them from terrorism. I'm not sure how much of it is GWB and co's wilful scheming, but I don't think the yank public would let him get away with it if they weren't so scared shitless.

Previous to that, the best terrorist attack I've actually seen was the IRA's 1993 London City bomb. The most spectacular historical attack I can think of off the top of my head was the Canadians burning down the White House.

kur0shin.org -- it certainly is

Godwin's law [...] is impossible to violate except with an infinitely long thread that doesn't mention nazis.
[ Parent ]

Most Effective? Depends on goal. (none / 0) (#145)
by Sloppy on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 01:41:12 PM EST

You can't judge their effectiveness without taking the goal into account.

Bin Laden's goal appears to be to end US involvement in the Middle East. If the goal of the hijackers was the same as Bin Laden's, then the WTC incident was not only uneffective, but negatively effective.

OTOH, if the goal was to drive Americans crazy with rage (as opposed to fear), overthrow the Afghan and Iraqi governments (and probably others; time will tell), establish permanent and active US presence in the "Holy Land", and make it so that there will be Coca Cola billboards all over Mecca by the year 2023, then yes: it was effective, and a great demonstration of insight in How To Get What You Want. But somehow, I doubt the premise.
"RSA, 2048, seeks sexy young entropic lover, for several clock cycles of prime passion..."
[ Parent ]

Hunting for an east vs. west war? (4.00 / 1) (#151)
by broter on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 05:34:50 PM EST

From all the sources I've found, his goal was to start a global war of Islam against infidel. To that extent, he seems to be doing pretty well with the help of my fearless leader, GWB.

[ Parent ]
You're completely missing the point. (4.00 / 2) (#156)
by it certainly is on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 09:54:50 PM EST

Terrorism is not about long-term goals and strategies. It's about the immediate creation of TERROR. Bringing down the WTC towers caused EXTREME TERROR in most of the USA. Fear and panic were order of the day. Your fascist warmongering leaders took advantage of that "somebody save us!" atmosphere in order to fuck you over royally. Even today you've got your Terror Alert: Level Orange (snigger!) and your plastic sheeting and duct tape.

You can pretend that invading countries is the "revenge" for 11th September, but the rest of the world knows that it's just what the USA does. It's currently enjoying having the biggest army, so it'll do what England, France and Spain did in the centuries before the USA existed.

kur0shin.org -- it certainly is

Godwin's law [...] is impossible to violate except with an infinitely long thread that doesn't mention nazis.
[ Parent ]

What does fruit have to do with terror? (none / 0) (#167)
by spindizzy on Wed Apr 23, 2003 at 05:38:01 AM EST

"Even today you've got your Terror Alert: Level Orange (snigger!) and your plastic sheeting and duct tape." My question is what happenes when the US reaches Terror Alert: Level Cumquat?
.sig .sig .sputnik
[ Parent ]
Destruction of Baghdad will prove worse than 11/9 (4.77 / 9) (#121)
by lugumbashi on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 06:02:51 AM EST

New York recovered from the attack in 2001 in a matter of months. People had been killed, but the systems, the city, law and order all held together. Baghdad which only a month ago was a modern, well maintained city will be nothing more than a smoking ruin. All that will be left is rubble, concrete shells of buildings and heavily armed gangs roaming the streets. The looting is much worse than the bombing. Imagine, that not only had the twin towers been knocked, but that every office in the city was destroyed, all the police gone. Every piece of hospital equipment is stolen, including heart-lung machines and incubators. Every ambulance, bus and depot destroyed. Every piece of civil administration, all the records burned. Common or garden burglars are now kingpins with Kalashnikovs and RPGs. All the criminals and corrupt will thrive, the honest people are be driven out, shot, or simply decide that honesty does not pay any more. Art galleries and Museums (Baghdad's was one of the finest in the world) are completely ransacked.

Oh yeah the death toll, for people who count such things - will be higher. Not only have about 1000 civilians perished in the bombings. 10s of 1000s of Iraqi army have died also. Who will support their dependents? We can expect many more to die from scores being settled, looters shooting each other or home or business owners who won't give up their goods. Anyone with a minor injury is in grave danger, because there are almost no hospitals, no antibiotics and few doctors. Who would be a doctor or a nurse when your home is being looted and you are going to be paid nothing?

All this, because Rumsfeld wanted a "cheap war" and so they don't have enough troops on the ground to maintain control (as is their obligation under the Geneva Convention).
-"Guinness thaw tool in jew me dinner ouzel?"
[ Parent ]

For the record (3.50 / 2) (#10)
by Meatbomb on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 12:37:52 PM EST

I am not an American, do not live in the US, and have no part in this war whatsoever.



_______________

Good News for Liberal Democracy!

[ Parent ]

It doesn't really matter (2.50 / 6) (#12)
by marx on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 12:41:01 PM EST

It's the acceptance level which I'm talking about. So far, I have seen very few people complain about the lack of respect for the Iraqis when making these kinds of jokes, whereas there were very many such comments after the WTC attack.

I'm not complaining about you, there will always be jokers. Neither do I think you should stop. It's just that I think the inconsistency is a bit bizarre.

Join me in the War on Torture: help eradicate torture from the world by holding torturers accountable.
[ Parent ]

Doesn't matter? (4.00 / 2) (#49)
by Work on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 03:21:48 PM EST

From your original post: Some people claim that most humor in the US is based on making fun of other people, and almost never yourself. I think at least this observation supports that theory.

He's not from the US. Oh oh..wait I see. Now that your attempt at once again US bashing has been shut down, we'll criticize the US (and its readers) for not condemning ENOUGH.

Its almost comical how desperate the anti-american crowd is getting these days.

[ Parent ]

Well (2.42 / 7) (#51)
by marx on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 03:32:35 PM EST

Is my observation not true?

I think it's quite clear what I meant:

any article making fun of the event or criticizing the USA was met with "show some fucking respect dude", "at least let some time pass", and similar comments.
Where are these kinds of comments now?

Join me in the War on Torture: help eradicate torture from the world by holding torturers accountable.
[ Parent ]

Take America out of it (2.25 / 12) (#55)
by Mohammed Niyal Sayeed on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 03:44:14 PM EST

And you will find the following universal truth:

Time + Tragedy = Comedy = Distance + Tragedy

But you didn't want to make a point about humor, you wanted to say that Americans are Self-centered and Insensitive. Be more direct, socialist. And learn to deal with your self-loathing, whitey. It's in direct conflict with your self-righteousness.


--
"You need to get your own point, then we can have an elaborate dance fight." - jmzero

[ Parent ]
Well (2.00 / 5) (#58)
by marx on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 03:51:14 PM EST

you wanted to say that Americans are Self-centered and Insensitive
Is this not true?

Also Mohammed, I'd appreciate if you didn't call me "whitey", and if you stopped zero-rating my posts for no reason.

Join me in the War on Torture: help eradicate torture from the world by holding torturers accountable.
[ Parent ]

Look, assclown (1.70 / 10) (#59)
by Mohammed Niyal Sayeed on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 03:57:52 PM EST

You rated me with a 0. Don't act surprised when I return the favor. The rating system wasn't made for you to inhibit the speech of people who disagree with you.

Now go re-read the sentence where I told you to be more direct.

Whitey.


--
"You need to get your own point, then we can have an elaborate dance fight." - jmzero

[ Parent ]
You still haven't answered my question (1.33 / 3) (#61)
by marx on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 04:10:45 PM EST

Is it true or not?

Join me in the War on Torture: help eradicate torture from the world by holding torturers accountable.
[ Parent ]

Irony/satire (5.00 / 2) (#64)
by thePositron on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 04:20:16 PM EST

These situations present us all with ironies and possibilities for thought and consideration.

I don't think most people here are joking or gloating over the fact that there is looting going on in baghdad.

If we can't make light of many of the situations we see and face on the planet in and in our lives, living on this earth would be a  very dire and miserable business.

I am sure there are plenty of jokes and bemused stories about the misfortunes of Americans by people in the Arab World and in Europe . It is only human.

[ Parent ]

No. (3.00 / 4) (#67)
by Mohammed Niyal Sayeed on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 04:27:44 PM EST

It is not true. Nor would the statement "All Muslims are fucking bigoted, violent zealots bent on destroying the world" be true. The statement, "All Germans are Nazis" would also not be true. It's about sets and subsets.

Now go ahead and give me a zero for disagreeing with you.


--
"You need to get your own point, then we can have an elaborate dance fight." - jmzero

[ Parent ]
I can't (3.00 / 8) (#69)
by marx on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 04:36:07 PM EST

It seems I'm not very trusted anymore.

You have characteristics though. Japanese people are polite and reserved, Italians are passionate and the British are strict but humorous.

And I can't see why you can't admit that Americans have the characteristic of being insensitive and self-centered, at least when it comes to citizens of other countries.

Are you ashamed of this?

Join me in the War on Torture: help eradicate torture from the world by holding torturers accountable.
[ Parent ]

Oh Fucking Waah (1.25 / 4) (#54)
by thelizman on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 03:43:47 PM EST

So far, I have seen very few people complain about the lack of respect for the Iraqis when making these kinds of jokes...
Wooh, yeah...uhm...gee...perhaps you didn't notice that the article addresses Syrans and Koreans?

DRY THE FUCK UP!
--

"Our language is sufficiently clumsy enough to allow us to believe foolish things." - George Orwell
[ Parent ]
Dry the fuck up? (none / 0) (#70)
by x3nophil3 on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 04:39:39 PM EST

Putting the sodomy in Sadam got too messy for you?

[ Parent ]
I'm Not The One Crying (none / 0) (#72)
by thelizman on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 05:06:53 PM EST

...here or there...so uh...what's your point?
--

"Our language is sufficiently clumsy enough to allow us to believe foolish things." - George Orwell
[ Parent ]
Subtelty is dead (5.00 / 1) (#80)
by x3nophil3 on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 05:45:35 PM EST

I was pointing out your childishness. Your website is a match for the immaturity that your comment demonstrates, and the lack of respect that the parent's author was reffering to.

I transposed the words Sadam and Sodomy as a wry nod to the prejudicial, overtly moralistic attitudes you express. Sodom is a loaded word in that it's a biblical reference; clearly religion enters into your thinking with regards to the ongoing war, and, I think, explains your contrived explanations of why people who disagree with you are lesser than yourself.

[ Parent ]

Take Your Paxil<sup>TM</sup> (none / 0) (#144)
by thelizman on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 01:36:43 PM EST

Clearly, you invest way to much into anything that counters your stained and narrow worldview. How you go from Sodomy to Religeon is...well it's sick, that's what it is...
--

"Our language is sufficiently clumsy enough to allow us to believe foolish things." - George Orwell
[ Parent ]
that happens everywhere (5.00 / 9) (#45)
by Delirium on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 02:48:23 PM EST

Meanwhile, there were some articles and political cartoons in the rest of the world making fun of the USA after the WTC attacks. On the other hand, there are unlikely to be many popular jokes in Iraq about looting in Baghdad at the moment. People generally don't feel comfortable poking fun at things very close to home.

Though for the record, The Onion (which is US-based) had some pretty amusing post-WTC commentary.

[ Parent ]

Examples? (4.00 / 1) (#48)
by jeti on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 03:20:34 PM EST

Can you give me examples? I don't remember any. Definitely not from shortly after the attack.

[ Parent ]
the Onion 9/11 thing (4.66 / 3) (#65)
by crayz on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 04:21:13 PM EST

Here's a mirror(not sure if all the links and stuff will work):

linky

[ Parent ]

Not making fun of the US (5.00 / 1) (#75)
by blackpaw on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 05:17:48 PM EST

For petes sake - its not laughing at the US, its crying with it. Theres some of the best editorial and pathos in that article I've ever seen.

NEW YORK--Responding to recent events on Earth, God, the omniscient creator-deity worshipped by billions of followers of various faiths for more than 6,000 years, angrily clarified His longtime stance against humans killing each other Monday ... Upon completing His outburst, God fell silent, standing quietly at the podium for several moments. Then, witnesses reported, God's shoulders began to shake, and He wept.

JAHANNEM, OUTER DARKNESS--The hijackers who carried out the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon expressed confusion and surprise Monday to find themselves in the lowest plane of Na'ar, Islam's Hell.

Arab-American Third-Grader Returns From Recess Crying, Saying He Didn't Kill Anyone

[ Parent ]

Indeed (4.00 / 7) (#82)
by Work on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 05:47:49 PM EST

That issue was the onion's finest hour. They were even tasteful enough to delay publication by a week. Perfect timing, perfect writing, it captured the essence of the tragedy as all of humanity's - not just american.

They should've gotten an award for it.

[ Parent ]

how appropriate... (none / 0) (#150)
by superflex on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 03:53:49 PM EST

in your link. in the story at the bottom of the page, "Bush Sr. Apologizes To Son For Funding Bin Laden In '80s", the last line is

Bush is still deliberating over whether to tell his son about the whole supporting-Saddam Hussein-against-Iran thing.

[ Parent ]

The difference (2.00 / 2) (#81)
by Symmetry on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 05:47:29 PM EST

I think the thing that sepparates the two events is that, though the first was dark through and through, the looting has a pretty large silver lining. I mean, if someone wants to cart off the artwork of some bloody handed official, how can I complain? Mind you, a good deal of the looting is of not-so-appropriate targets, but there is a world of difference between massive terrorism and massive looting, like there is between cold-blooded murder and burglary.
Never attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity. Don't assign to stupidity what might be due to ignorance. And try not to assume you opponent is the ignorant one-until you can show it isn't you. -M.N. Plano
[ Parent ]
I think you are naieve (5.00 / 9) (#118)
by lugumbashi on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 05:36:08 AM EST

There is no such thing as good looting.

The looting which is going on is the systematic destruction of a city and all its working systems. The day before the Americans arrived, the city had working hospitals, a public transport system, civil administration of all kinds, private businesses. All of these things are going to be destroyed. All that will be left is anarchy and empty buildings. The BBC is reporting how the hospitals are losing everything, including heart-lung machines and incubators, things which are of no use to the looters. Also being looted is the city's heritage including its museum with priceless artifacts from the oldest civilisation on earth. All those things which the Americans didn't bomb, because they thought it would make bad TV are going to be looted and then burned. All those Marsh Arabs who were dispossessed and moved to Saddam City are going to want payback. Anyone with a score to settle will simply take a gun and kill his enemy. Common burglars will be transformed into ganglong kingpins with stolen Kalashnikovs and RPGs. All the worst people will benefit from this.

Even all those palaces and valuables which Saddam amassed are the heritage of the Iraqi people. Saddam's pleasure yacht, burned yesterday, could have been traded in for a fine hospital or several schools.

The bombing was destructive, but the looting will be much more so. The Bagdadis know how to live with bombs and war. This is different, it is complete anarchy.

Under the Geneva Convention, the US army, as the occupying power has a duty to protect the hospitals from looting.

I am very afraid we are going to see the consequences of sending so few troops into the city. It is all well and good to topple an evil regime, but if you don't have enough manpower to keep law and order afterwards, it is better not to go in.

11/9 was a blip in the life of a city compared to this destruction. What is completely sickening is that the Iraqis are going to have to buy all these things back, from the US.
-"Guinness thaw tool in jew me dinner ouzel?"
[ Parent ]

Comedy vs. Tragedy (4.75 / 4) (#83)
by lauraw on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 05:58:40 PM EST

To quote Mel Brooks (I think):

Tragedy is when I stub my toe. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

-- Laura

[ Parent ]

as someone once said... (4.50 / 2) (#84)
by rantweasel on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 06:27:19 PM EST

Tragedy is when I stub my toe.
Comedy is when you fall down an open manhole.

[ Parent ]
pfft. (4.33 / 3) (#131)
by fluxrad on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 09:39:21 AM EST

Joke heard very shortly after the WTC:

Q:Why are New Yorkers the fastest readers?
A:They can go through 110 stories in 5 seconds.

You might also check out T-shirt Hell for one or two insensitive shirts relating to the incident (I bought the "I love NY" one for my buddy, which he can't wear in public ;-).

Another example: the (fake) shot of the guy standing on top of the tower with the plane behind him has become one of the most pervasive photoshopping images I have ever seen (besides that of Admiral Ackbar on Fark).

Personally, I think the reason most people get annoyed at american jokes is because they aren't that funny, but instead are simply meant to insult americans (spiteful humor usually sucks). Most of the american jokes I hear/read are along the lines of:

"Hey, why did the american cross the road?"
"Because he was a fat, greedy, imperialist bastard! Hahahahahaaha!"


--
"It is seldom liberty of any kind that is lost all at once."
-David Hume
[ Parent ]
heh heh (4.16 / 6) (#3)
by misfit13b on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 12:29:19 PM EST

"The worst pickings are to be had at hospitals and schools."

Yes, they're far too depressing and the nagging emotional reminders will only slow your hoarding down. However, wheelchairs do make decent wheelbarrows.

May I (none / 0) (#8)
by Meatbomb on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 12:34:53 PM EST

...edit to include your bit?

_______________

Good News for Liberal Democracy!

[ Parent ]
Go ahead (n/t) (none / 0) (#9)
by misfit13b on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 12:36:28 PM EST



[ Parent ]
yes, but (5.00 / 1) (#113)
by wh4tn0w on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 04:13:29 AM EST

most of what can be looted from area schools are large caches of weapons and explosives.

[ Parent ]
Oops! (4.36 / 11) (#15)
by i on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 12:49:06 PM EST

Your tips are of no use to would-be looters. These people don't have computers or Internet access — unless they loot their way to such luxury!

Finding a way to bootstrap this vital knowledge is an interesting challenge. Perhaps you, an expert, can loot a carrier pigeon farm (farm? is this the right name for such a place?) and use the birdies to deliver your message to the target audience?

and we have a contradicton according to our assumptions and the factor theorem

A business opportunity? (5.00 / 4) (#19)
by Meatbomb on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 01:04:19 PM EST

Perhaps an imaginative entrepreneur among us could look into a private leaflet drop over Damascus or Pyongyang?

I have no head for business, but there has got to be a percentage in there somewhere...

_______________

Good News for Liberal Democracy!

[ Parent ]

the trick (5.00 / 2) (#91)
by adiffer on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 08:05:02 PM EST

The trick would be to pay off the people who have the contract to make those millions of other leaflets to swap some of yours into the mix.  The real way to make the profit isn't in looting.  It is in fencing all those goods later.  Make sure your address is prominent enough so the real looters know where to turn when the find they can't barter with that fridge and really need cash.
--BE The Alien!
[ Parent ]
Don't be naïve. (4.71 / 14) (#26)
by RobotSlave on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 01:21:33 PM EST

You are operating on the assumption that "looters" are by definition the poor, the tired, the oppressed, the yearning-to-be-free.

It's a common misapprehension, instilled by American liberalist "college education," which is still heavily influenced by unreconstructed Marxism. The Marxist will always assume that any violence or disorder at street level is "revolutionary," driven by "oppression" or quasi-mystical "colonial echoes," and carried out entirely by the "proletariat."

The truth of the matter is that "looters" aren't at all interested in throwing off the yoke of capitalist oppression, or ridding themselves of that awful, terrible dissasociation between their work and the product of their labor.

No, they're motivated by something else: profit.

If anything, those with decent educations and access to ebay and land cruisers are more likely to loot, and loot profitably, than the oppressed, impoverished "proletariat" masses.

Though the Marxists don't want you to know it, the population of Baghdad does not consist solely of a uniform, virtuous, downtrodden "working class." It's a modern city, not a circle of goat-skin tents. They've got cars, and cell-phones, and televisions. Why wouldn't they have computers?

[ Parent ]

You are gravely mistaken. (4.62 / 8) (#28)
by i on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 01:33:02 PM EST

I've got my education in the great late Soviet Union. There were virtually no Marxists there, 'cept a few poor souls locked up in gulags and mental institutions. There's absolutely no way I could get any Marxist influence.

Sure, our history and sociology textbooks were all Marxist, but no one paid any attention to them whatsoever. This includes their authors in nine cases out of ten.

Oh, and we're talking Pyongyang here. Baghdad is sooo last week.

and we have a contradicton according to our assumptions and the factor theorem

[ Parent ]

Oh, that's different. (5.00 / 6) (#32)
by RobotSlave on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 01:41:54 PM EST

North Korean looters, if there's anything to loot, will, in fact, be computer-less peasants.

They eat grass, you know.

[ Parent ]

there is not just one motivation (4.00 / 4) (#57)
by thePositron on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 03:48:54 PM EST

there are many.
Profit may be one.

The thrill of the act may be another.

Hunger may be another.
Mob psychology and and adrenalin may be another.

Materialistic poverty might be another.
Perhaps some people take a pure selfish  pleasure that doesn't result in profit from looting?

There are so many possible reasons. My questions is; Why would one distill the act of looting into just one reason other than to grind an ideological axe?

Another question I would ask is: Have you ever been
in the presence of looters?
Also if you have been in the presence of looters how have you deduced that profit is their sole motive?

By reducing the cause of looting down to one motive
you are committing the same error that Marxists commit.

Which in my mind  reduces all human behavior to one cause which supports an ideology.

[ Parent ]

Wow. (1.00 / 3) (#117)
by woem on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 05:29:37 AM EST

Someone's so anally retentive they actually looked in character map for that weird i for naive. Incredible. Just when you think you've seen everything.
:woemeowoemeowoemeowoemeowoemeowoemeowoem:
i either +1fp or -1. no exceptions. i ♥ turmeric.
the only class that should be discriminated against is the stupid.

[ Parent ]
Could someone please... (none / 0) (#138)
by Meatbomb on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 11:42:19 AM EST

...explain to me how to do this? I don't think it's anal, but I do feel inferior every time I see it done because I don't know how...

I see in sig you are anal enough to have found the heart wingding... pot/kettle?

_______________

Good News for Liberal Democracy!

[ Parent ]

It's simple. (3.50 / 2) (#141)
by RobotSlave on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 12:12:57 PM EST

  1. Open Microsoft Word™ 2000
  2. Go to the "Insert" Menu and choose "Symbol"
  3. Locate the character you want to use, select it, and press the "insert" button.
  4. Close the insert-symbol window
  5. Copy the character from Word™ by selecting it and pressing [Ctrl]-c
  6. Paste the character into your K5 comment-form with [Ctrl]-v
Voilá!

[ Parent ]
Wow cool (none / 0) (#142)
by Meatbomb on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 12:36:13 PM EST

Now I can post that Mötley Crüe fanfic I've been working on.

_______________

Good News for Liberal Democracy!

[ Parent ]
Alternatively, (none / 0) (#160)
by it certainly is on Sat Apr 12, 2003 at 11:40:38 AM EST

1. Enter "naive" into Google.
2. Click on the dictionary definition link.
3. Copy and paste the word "naïve" given in the etymology et voilà! No tools other than the web browser needed.

kur0shin.org -- it certainly is

Godwin's law [...] is impossible to violate except with an infinitely long thread that doesn't mention nazis.
[ Parent ]

Well... (3.00 / 1) (#134)
by Ken Arromdee on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 10:35:12 AM EST

I've heard that most of the Iraqi looters were slum-dwelling Shiites. They *are* poor oppressed people.

A rich, well-educated, person might know more about profit and have a truck to haul goods away in, but such a person is also going to find the looted goods a lot less valuable in the first place. If you're rich, why would you want to take a piece of office furniture? What would you do with it? And why would you want to take food at the risk of getting shot by other looters when you have plenty of food already?

[ Parent ]

Pigeon Loft [n/t] (none / 0) (#123)
by c4miles on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 06:15:37 AM EST


--
For the Snark was a Boojum, you see.
[ Parent ]
First (none / 0) (#148)
by CodeWright on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 03:38:16 PM EST

The word you are looking for is a "pigeon coop" or "aviary".

Secondly, Why do you have a balaclava and an M16A2 in your picture?

It looks a little hot for a balaclava (those are used to protect your face from frostbite while skiing) and all the dust and dirt around you can't be good for that M16.

I suggest you take a new picture wearing a rubber Richard Nixon mask and carrying a Calico-950.

--
"Humanity's combination of reckless stupidity and disrespect for the mistakes of others is, I think, what makes us great." --Parent ]
+1 FP (2.00 / 2) (#18)
by StormShadow on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 01:02:25 PM EST

For sure... you got my vote


-----------------
oderint dum metuant - Cicero
We aren't killing enough of our [America's] enemies. Re-elect Bush in 2004 - Me
12/2003: This account is now closed. Password scrambled. Its been a pleasure.


Hello, I work for a TLA secret agency (3.60 / 5) (#22)
by bob6 on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 01:14:58 PM EST

For a reasonable amount of cocaine, I'll tip you to a location where you could find a large amount of "pesticides" and "vaccines".

Cheers.
yeah right (none / 0) (#62)
by crayz on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 04:13:24 PM EST

If you really worked for such an agency, you ought to be giving that information to the military in Iraq. They can't seem to find any.

[ Parent ]
No way (none / 0) (#127)
by bob6 on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 07:39:35 AM EST

You're confusing my agency with the other one that (sometimes) cooperates with the military; we never share informations with each other. Well... sometimes we do share fake informations, but the travel through both burocracies takes a while. My offer is a "shortcut" in the flow of informations, I know some interesting places to loot (and not mere taps made of massive gold). Of course you'll have to cross the Iranian, Turkish and Syrian frontiers from time to time.

Cheers.
[ Parent ]
Organize transnational corporations (4.82 / 29) (#63)
by johnny on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 04:19:12 PM EST

Install some of your gang in highest offices in United States, both elected and appointed. Arrange for government members of your gang to grant sweetheart deals worth tens of billions. Payoff congresspeople to prevent them from making waves. Doctor up your corporate books to inflate stock prices. Gut oversight agencies in charge of detecting such book-cooking. Impugn integrity and patriotism of anybody who suggests you're not looters.

yr frn,
jrs
Get your free download of prizewinning novels Acts of the Apostles and Cheap Complex Devices.
Futurama quote (3.50 / 8) (#66)
by Silent Chris on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 04:21:43 PM EST

Old guy: That object is going to destroy the city and leave a smelly crater.  We only have 72 hours.
Planet Express employees: Gasp!
Bender: Right.  Let's get looting!  (Walks off with company TV).

From America's heartland -- Mexico! (nt) (3.00 / 2) (#95)
by ethereal on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 08:45:27 PM EST


--

Stand up for your right to not believe: Americans United for Separation of Church and State
[ Parent ]

cheap jokes (2.71 / 7) (#73)
by gdanjo on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 05:12:04 PM EST

The patient is dead people, come and loot yourselves some cheap jokes. But be quick! Jokes about looting is already oh SO yesterday.

Laugh it up guys! The joke corpse is allready smelly and starting to rot.

Dan ...
"Death - oh! fair and `guiling copesmate Death!
Be not a malais'd beggar; claim this bloody jester!"
-ToT

Order is important too. (4.66 / 12) (#74)
by Dr Caleb on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 05:15:02 PM EST

I'm suprised you didn't mention this.

The proper order is:
1) Loot
2) Pillage
3) Then burn.

If you get the order wrong, you don't get the results you want.


Vive Le Canada - For Canadians who give a shit about their country.

There is no K5 cabal.

In the words of the great Elminster... (3.25 / 4) (#79)
by AtADeadRun on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 05:45:09 PM EST

"Always pillage before you burn!"

Here's to Ed of the Green Wood.



-------
Pain heals. Glory is forever. Keep running.

We would not die in that man's company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
[ Parent ]
Actually (3.33 / 3) (#92)
by rmn on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 08:08:01 PM EST

Actually, the original version was "No, no, no, no! First rape, then pillage and then burn!"


[ Parent ]
Wrong (4.75 / 4) (#126)
by CtrlBR on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 07:36:35 AM EST

  1. Pillage
  2. Burn
  3. Rape

It's more romantic in front of a fire.

If no-one thinks you're a freedom fighter than you're probably not a terrorist.
-- Gully Foyle

[ Parent ]
WRONG AGAIN (2.33 / 3) (#147)
by AmberEyes on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 03:03:34 PM EST

  1. Pillage
  2. Burn
  3. Rape
  4. ???
  5. PROFIT!!! (see: oil)

-AmberEyes


"But you [AmberEyes] have never admitted defeat your entire life, so why should you start now. It seems the only perfect human being since Jesus Christ himself is in our presence." -my Uncle Dean
[ Parent ]
addition to your proposition (3.00 / 1) (#114)
by Prophet themusicgod1 on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 04:34:36 AM EST

I propose some changes
  1. Loot
  2. Rape
  3. Pillage
  4. Burn
  5. Repeat, if desired
i mean c'mon...looting and pilaging just aren't as fun without the odd rape
"I suspect the best way to deal with procrastination is to put off the procrastination itself until later. I've been meaning to try this, but haven't gotten around to it yet."swr
[ Parent ]
I didn't include the rape. (4.33 / 3) (#132)
by Dr Caleb on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 10:27:09 AM EST

The secret police beat me to it, so I figured on giving the poor Iraqis a break.

Bless their hearts - and let them loot! If no one gets hurt, who cares?


Vive Le Canada - For Canadians who give a shit about their country.

There is no K5 cabal.
[ Parent ]

When you Pillage (none / 0) (#169)
by Halo on Thu May 01, 2003 at 01:48:45 PM EST

you are looting, still always best to be thorough before the burning

[ Parent ]
i don't understand (1.44 / 9) (#76)
by circletimessquare on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 05:34:31 PM EST

why does everyone find this so funny? it's not funny.

The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

Waiter! (5.00 / 3) (#85)
by Dr Caleb on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 06:43:32 PM EST

Our friend here needs a refill on his sense of humour...

It's like, you see a car accident out side a government building. The newspaper machines all around suddenly burst into flame, everyone on the street suddenly starts smashing windows and looting.

It's that kind of an image. Iraqis who have been repressed suddenly poke their head around a corner, notice 'the man' is gone and say, "Fuck it! Let's go and steal Saddams marble toilet, sell it on eBay and we'll feed the family for a year."

It's laughing at ourselves. Some sports team loses a playoff game and *poof* garbage cans are burning, people are flipping over cars and looting the local Fry's. Next year, the same team wins the playoff game and *poof* garbage cans are burning, and people are flipping over cars and Target gets looted.

Perhaps you don't share in that sort of humour....


Vive Le Canada - For Canadians who give a shit about their country.

There is no K5 cabal.
[ Parent ]

teenagers and trolls have made kuro5hin=fark (nt) (3.66 / 6) (#86)
by circletimessquare on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 06:54:54 PM EST



The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]
Yeah (2.75 / 4) (#93)
by The Jews on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 08:22:32 PM EST

Because you're an example of intelligent discussion, dumbass. Why not make an announcement about how you're leaving and never coming back?

You call these bagels?
[ Parent ]
i have a troll, any teenagers want to reply ? (nt) (2.40 / 5) (#94)
by circletimessquare on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 08:43:20 PM EST



The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]
Stop being so Anti-Semitic (3.00 / 3) (#98)
by TheOnlyCoolTim on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 10:37:28 PM EST

Why do you say that Jews = Trolls?

Tim
"We are trapped in the belly of this horrible machine, and the machine is bleeding to death."
[ Parent ]

help! i am being gangbanged by trolls! (nt) (1.75 / 4) (#103)
by circletimessquare on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 12:30:17 AM EST



The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]
don't pretend you don't like it -NT- (3.00 / 2) (#120)
by Meatbomb on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 05:53:10 AM EST



_______________

Good News for Liberal Democracy!

[ Parent ]
To quote the FPS "Blood II" (1.00 / 1) (#133)
by Dr Caleb on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 10:30:21 AM EST

circletimessquare demonstrates the 'ankle grab'.


Vive Le Canada - For Canadians who give a shit about their country.

There is no K5 cabal.
[ Parent ]

But Fark has the Photoshop contests at least (nt) (none / 0) (#152)
by lazloToth on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 06:04:28 PM EST



[ Parent ]
7. DE-FENSE! DE-FENSE! DE-FENSE! (4.80 / 10) (#78)
by killmepleez on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 05:39:30 PM EST

No game of Operation Liberate the Pawnable Assets would be complete without a well-placed warning to ALWAYS ensure you leave at least one of your group behind to protect your own home/business. After all, as far as you know there could be greedy LOOTERS out prowling for goods.
|k|

We're all, not just those we kill, subordinated in the service of something larger. The difference between us and the corpses is that we are willing serv
And anyone who argues on the web is wrong [nt] (2.66 / 3) (#88)
by Zealot on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 07:30:31 PM EST



Sorry, wrong thread (5.00 / 2) (#89)
by Zealot on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 07:31:24 PM EST

my bad

[ Parent ]
you forgot something (4.11 / 9) (#96)
by turmeric on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 08:58:49 PM EST

if you are a multinational corporation, be sure to hire as CEO someone with extremely high political influence. vice president would be good.

try to do 'value added' looting. while everyone else is thinking they are such brilliant people for stealing office chairs and pentiums, you will be riding high on the raw materials that all these things are made of. the higher up you are in the food chain the more money you can make.

That's how to legally loot a democracy... (3.00 / 1) (#102)
by lukme on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 11:30:30 PM EST

in the name of rebuilding the 3rd world puppet dictator of that democracy.

Furthermore, you only need money.



-----------------------------------
It's awfully hard to fly with eagles when you're a turkey.
[ Parent ]
You forgot (4.00 / 6) (#97)
by xmedar on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 09:50:18 PM EST

That night vision goggles are essential, why wait until morning when you can go in under cover of darkness and ransack to your hearts content! Buy them today at www.russian-night-vision-for=u-too.com and be the envy of common looters everywhere!

lets not forget (2.00 / 2) (#99)
by modmans2ndcoming on Thu Apr 10, 2003 at 10:57:55 PM EST

to have the proper tools to take down symbols of the regime

chain saws, sledge hammers, concreat saws, concreat drills, dynamite, and molitov cocktails.

I don't want to be a bitch here, (4.00 / 2) (#130)
by lucius on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 08:44:52 AM EST

but how could you misspell "concrete" as "concreat"?

[ Parent ]
for a few resons (2.66 / 3) (#139)
by modmans2ndcoming on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 11:56:34 AM EST

1)I never bother checking my spelling on Blogs and forums and IM. I only bother on E-mail and Documents.

2)I never studied my spelling words in elementry school.

3)I type faster than I think most of the time

4)I plain just don't give a damn.

[ Parent ]

I didn't mean to harass you about proofreading. (none / 0) (#158)
by lucius on Sat Apr 12, 2003 at 05:39:28 AM EST

I just wondered how it is that you came to spell such a common word in such a strange way. I was thinking perhaps that English was your second language or something.

[ Parent ]
nope...I just don't care (none / 0) (#159)
by modmans2ndcoming on Sat Apr 12, 2003 at 10:40:17 AM EST

I have more importent things to worry about like My Calc class and CSC Classes at the moment :-)

[ Parent ]
Symbols (4.00 / 1) (#143)
by Krazor on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 01:03:17 PM EST

You have to be kidding me, right? What use are symbols of an old dead regime to you?
Why not steal something valuable from the regime? Looters should steal anything they can get their hands on, true, but stealing statues and signs saying "Great is our dear leader" isn't making the most of your looting. Not to mention the fact that the angry mob will probably smash up the stuff you steal as a sign of rage against the old regime.

Let's face it, if the only stuff left to steal are statues, emblems and signs, you've left it too late.

[ Parent ]
But think of the kitsch value! (5.00 / 1) (#153)
by Zealot on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 06:42:25 PM EST

5-10 years down the line backpacking students will pay big time for a nice tacky Saddam statuette or mural. Not to mention that all those GIs who'll be wanting a souvenir.

[ Parent ]
Well, normally... (none / 0) (#155)
by noproblema on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 09:39:44 PM EST

...is the invading force that must provide that. Specially if made for direct broadcasting in TV and the frontpages of all media.

[ Parent ]
Some thoughts on the poll (4.85 / 7) (#105)
by Meatbomb on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 01:11:27 AM EST

Booze is good for the impulsive looter, but obviously not much of a business move.

Guns will only get you so far - after the looting, how many guns does a person really need?

Electronics are an old looting standby, popularity obvious.

To my mind, the "sundries and regime momentos" are the real niche market, for the strategic looter. I was in Berlin in 1990(?91?-the summer just after the wall feel) and I got a real chuckle seeing an East German trying to sell framed photos of Honecker. "Too early, man." I said to myself.

If I was looting Baghdad, or any other totalitarian capital, I'd be going for the leader portraits, regime flags and badges, etc. Other idiots are destroying them, and that just increases the value of what you've hoarded. Wait a year or 5, and hello e-bay goldmine!

_______________

Good News for Liberal Democracy!

but the funniest picture (1.00 / 2) (#112)
by wh4tn0w on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 04:07:23 AM EST

was of a little boy holding this HUGE bag of sugar!

[ Parent ]
trying to sell framed photos of Honecker.. (4.00 / 2) (#149)
by Dr Caleb on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 03:43:15 PM EST

Another tip - if you do get said framed photo, autographed is worth more. Moreso if it's in his own blood, or includes a small body part.

'Collectors' only want the best. :-)


Vive Le Canada - For Canadians who give a shit about their country.

There is no K5 cabal.
[ Parent ]

-1, spam (1.90 / 10) (#108)
by jope on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 03:18:34 AM EST

not funny, not intelligent, superfluous.

As opposed to... (4.60 / 5) (#109)
by Meatbomb on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 03:49:27 AM EST

...your brilliant insight on the issue...

I bet you are real fun at parties!

_______________

Good News for Liberal Democracy!

[ Parent ]

insight? (none / 0) (#161)
by gnarled on Sat Apr 12, 2003 at 03:44:09 PM EST

Where was your insight in the article. All you did was compile a few things about looting that you can gather from the news easily into a somewhat funny article. The only relavent thing in the article was the reference to Damascus being a possible next target for the Army, which you did not ellaborate on in any way.
--
I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule. -Randal, Clerks
[ Parent ]
All I am trying to do (none / 0) (#162)
by Meatbomb on Sun Apr 13, 2003 at 01:35:06 AM EST

is tell some comedy jokes. If you don't like comedy jokes, then move along - there is plenty of serious discussion elsewhere on this site, and the intarweb in general.

_______________

Good News for Liberal Democracy!

[ Parent ]
Lies [n/t] (none / 0) (#165)
by Josh A on Tue Apr 15, 2003 at 11:29:45 AM EST


---
Thank God for Canada, if only because they annoy the Republicans so much. – Blarney


[ Parent ]
This isn't half as funny... (4.00 / 2) (#111)
by faustus on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 03:56:32 AM EST

...as the LA Riots. Boy that was soooo funny. Good times.

Now there (none / 0) (#135)
by Dr Caleb on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 10:48:54 AM EST

was some classic looting!

See my previous comment. (#85)


Baroque: [Bar-oak] (adj.) (s.) ; What you are when you have no Monet.

There is no K5 cabal.
[ Parent ]

Write in Vote: (5.00 / 2) (#119)
by BlackFireBullet on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 05:36:59 AM EST

Hospital goods

I think its a shame that such events occured, however Blitzkrieg does not lend itself well to occupation.

Obviously bottom feeders (4.00 / 3) (#125)
by Meatbomb on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 07:01:29 AM EST

Someone at home is going to be none too pleased tonight...

"Cotton gauze?!? What the fuck are we supposed to do with bales of cotton gauze? Look next door, Mohammed got his family a widescreen TV and video-game system, you bring home cotton fucking gauze?"

Don't be like Achmed! For professional looting, prepare well in advance!

_______________

Good News for Liberal Democracy!

[ Parent ]

Alternate looting guide: (3.90 / 20) (#129)
by kstop on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 08:22:45 AM EST

  1. Ignore world opinion and invade a resource-rich but cash-poor country. (Lay seige to said country for at least a decade first, just to be on the safe side.)
  2. Install a puppet government.
  3. Have puppet government hire companies run by you and your friends to repair the damage you caused installing them.
  4. Overcharge. What, you think they'll complain?
  5. Repeat as necessary to ensure re-election. (Just in case the rigged voting machines malfunction.)


sounds like you'll be looting with us come nov 04! (5.00 / 2) (#136)
by rkh on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 11:08:07 AM EST



[ Parent ]
Obligatory quote (none / 0) (#140)
by Yoshi Mon on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 12:10:37 PM EST

"Conan, what is best in life?"

"To crush your enemys, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!"


Really, I know what I'm doing...Ohhhh, look at the shiny buttons!

Why in Damascus? (5.00 / 1) (#154)
by noproblema on Fri Apr 11, 2003 at 09:33:43 PM EST

You can do it in Los Angeles, in the next racial clash, or in New York, in the next power outage. I'm sure that you have a city near you where you can get better results than in Damascus or Pyongyang, remember only that you don't need a regime change for rioting or looting.

What great timing! (none / 0) (#166)
by VivianC on Wed Apr 16, 2003 at 04:28:52 PM EST

Rodney King just got loaded and crashed his 2003 Ford Expedition into a house this week. What a perfect excuse for another riot.

[ Parent ]
And then once your done... (none / 0) (#157)
by Liet on Sat Apr 12, 2003 at 05:27:37 AM EST

log on to ebay and convert your goods into nice clean cash. You could even make your own e-shop, though all of the good titles are already taken by the Marines :(

comment on poll (none / 0) (#163)
by spare on Sun Apr 13, 2003 at 04:12:59 AM EST

reminds me of a 'riot' in boston last year after the superbowl although on a smaller scale. a bunch of drunk college kids went out into my street and flipped a car.
too bad these riots are a result of something more serious...
-spare

----------------
don't fill the front lines of their war; those assholes aren't worth dying for
--ani difranco
7. Don't attempt to loot or vandalize (4.75 / 4) (#164)
by jonathon on Mon Apr 14, 2003 at 07:51:27 PM EST

Oil Wells. Looting national treasures, ancient artifacts and personal property is okay and not the responsibility of the Allies. Messing with Bush and Cheney's Iraqi oil reserves on the other hand is a capital offence and will not be tolerated. Don't read into this that all the U.S government cares about is oil, that would be cynical.

It is not clear that intelligence has any long-term survival value.
-- Stephen Hawking
Yes ... (none / 0) (#168)
by Sheer Moxy on Sun Apr 27, 2003 at 05:43:43 PM EST

but allow me to suggest a utility knife or box cutter to handle the carpet jobs. Exacto knives are for toddler art projects. Plus, people are bound to think you're a terrorist if they see you wielding a box cutter, and you might be able to scare off some of the competition. You are a veddy veddy wise man sur. I thank you and Allah thanks you.
"Does my sassiness upset you? Why are you beset with gloom? 'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells Pumping in my living room." - Maya Angelou
Looting Tips | 169 comments (162 topical, 7 editorial, 0 hidden)
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