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Kraft Macaroni and Cheese

By balsamic vinigga in Culture
Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 05:47:39 AM EST
Tags: Food (all tags)

It's that time of year when the K5 community shares its culinary secrets with each other by inundating the queue with a flood of recipes sectioned under culture.  However, many of them may seem too difficult for the beginning chef.  So I present to the novice cook a good starter project for the gourmet chef to be.  It's a classic dish that will provide you with plenty of calories without offering too much nutrition.

What you will need:

  1. Box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.
  2. A stick of butter
  3. A carton of milk

Start off by filling 2/3rds of a pot with tap water. Place it on your stove-top on high.  Wait until the water comes to a roaring boil.

Next pop open the cardboard box of macaroni and cheese and poor its contents into the boiling water.  WARNING:  The box also contains a packet of cheese powder; do not dump this into the boiling water too.  You will want to remove that powder packet and set it aside for use later.

Use caution to keep the water from boiling over.  You may want to turn the heat down a little bit.   The trick is to maintain as strong of a boil as you can without it wanting to boil over.  Stir occasionally so as to prevent the macaroni from cementing itself to the bottom of your pot.

After a few minutes dip a spoon in and pick up a few pieces of macaroni, strain the water by placing the side of the spoon against the inner wall of your pot and tilting it so that the water falls through but the macaroni does not.  Bring it out of the pan into the cool air where it should cool off pretty quickly.  With caution, eat the macaroni to see if it is soft enough.  If not, let it boil a little longer and try again until it's just right.  You do not want to let it get too soft because that makes for a really gross experience.   Do not trust the time guideline on the box, they tell you to cook it way too long.

Once the noodles are to your liking, remove the pot from the stove and strain your macaroni.  CAUTION: Do not use your fingers to strain the macaroni as the water will still be too hot at this point and will likely cause severe injury to your hand.  Instead, use a strainer.  A strainer looks like a bowl with lots of holes in it.  Once you're done straining it, place the mac back into the pot.

Now for the scary part:  the butter.  I've noticed that if you try to hold back on the butter the final product will taste pretty gross.  It'll actually taste some what like KFC which is pretty scary.  So do not skimp on the butter no matter how frightful it is to chop up half a stick of butter.  It has been confirmed that half a stick of butter is not a fatal dose, so fight the instinct not to do it and just do it. Wear some Nikes if you have to.  Split your stick of butter in half and chop up one of the halves so it will melt more quickly,  dump it on the mac and place the other half in the fridge for the next time you make Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.

Stir the mac until the butter has fully melted and has coated your mac in a glistening layer of grease.  Remember that cheese powder packet you almost dumped into the boiling water?  It's time to use it now. Tear it open and dump its contents into the pot along with a few splashes of milk.  Stir it into the mac and watch it turn from a powdery sand into a orange goopy coating.  If you find that it's taking some time to turn into a goopy coat add a splash or two more milk.

That's it!  You're done!  Scoop some out into a large bowl and serve with a fork or chopsticks.

I hope your enjoy this warm creamy delight as much as I do on these cold winter nights!


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Kraft Macaroni and Cheese | 132 comments (101 topical, 31 editorial, 0 hidden)
+1 FP: this is the most (3.00 / 8) (#3)
by Jason the Mathematical Solo Guitarist on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 05:38:59 PM EST

condescendingly funny thing i've read on K5 in a long time. Good show.

In a math sense this sig is just applied group theory: what we are talking about is the decomposition of the direct product of 2 irreducible representations of the rotation group into a direct sum of irreducible representations

by collideiscope on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 06:16:24 PM EST


Hope is a disease. Get infected.
needs ketchup (3.00 / 3) (#12)
by Dr Funkenstein on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 06:31:11 PM EST

For great justice (2.72 / 18) (#14)
by waxmop on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 06:45:36 PM EST

If you don't have any butter because you're a burnout alcoholic and you don't want to leave your apartment during the daytime, dump in a can of tuna packed in oil. Then add a can of peas and plenty of Tabasco sauce -- ketchup is for yankee shitholes -- and eat it out of the pot while peering out of your door peephole at your neighbors.
fuck meatspace man I gotta level my dwarf cleric lonelyhobo
Tabasco would be great... (3.00 / 3) (#90)
by adamjaskie on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 11:45:43 AM EST

If it had more heat in it than it had vinegar. Try Dave's Insanity Sauce. It tastes of hot peppers, rather than acetic acid.

-- Your friendly "yankee shithole".

[ Parent ]
You're absolutely right. (3.00 / 2) (#104)
by waxmop on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 06:00:03 PM EST

But I was going for a Charles Bukowski persona there, and mentioning some other hot sauce (like my real favorite, cholula) would have broken character.
fuck meatspace man I gotta level my dwarf cleric lonelyhobo
[ Parent ]
for a treat (3.00 / 3) (#15)
by minerboy on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 06:55:09 PM EST

Take left over sloppy Joe stuff, and dump it in. For the really daring, you can add some real cheese over the top, say a pre-grated taco cheese, and stick the pot in the oven at 300 F for five minutes to melt the cheese and let it bake. If you have a cheap pot with plastic handles, be careful not to melt the plastic.

A can of tuna, a cup of frozen peas, (3.00 / 3) (#27)
by KnightStalker on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 08:25:55 PM EST

Kraft Macaroni and Cheeze, a couple of 40s, and thou.

[ Parent ]
Speaking of warm creamy delights, (1.33 / 12) (#18)
by syntactical on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 07:53:59 PM EST

Word 'round the office says you have a fat cock.


They would be right, check ur email for proof [nt] (1.50 / 4) (#20)
by balsamic vinigga on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 07:55:21 PM EST

Please help fund a Filipino Horror Movie. It's been in limbo since 2007 due to lack of funding. Please donate today!
[ Parent ]
I got a fat cock too. (1.50 / 4) (#23)
by syntactical on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 08:00:09 PM EST

Maybe we should rub them together some time. Maybe a little oil.

Two fat cocks... Together... Oil...

[ Parent ]

Hmmm... (1.50 / 4) (#30)
by theElectron on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 08:51:04 PM EST

Smells like vagina in here.

Join the NRA!
[ Parent ]
Excuse me?! (1.50 / 2) (#33)
by syntactical on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 09:14:37 PM EST

[ Parent ]

Smells like fresh vagina in here (2.00 / 6) (#37)
by theElectron on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 10:54:47 PM EST

Damn that video is interesting. "Change is slow, and what was acceptable and common behavior years ago can now be sexual harrasment."

Yes, I long for those carefree days of the 1950s and 60s when a woman could walk into an office and comment on the smell of her coworker's vagina. It used to be so common and acceptable -- damn you change, slow though you may be. And who would've though talk of "power fucks" would one day be verboten, too? It's a crazy new world out there, folks. Be careful.

Join the NRA!
[ Parent ]

Are you talking about... (1.50 / 4) (#38)
by syntactical on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 11:00:25 PM EST

My vagina?

[ Parent ]

Maybe! (1.00 / 3) (#41)
by theElectron on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 12:09:11 AM EST

Hah, you should be so lucky.

Join the NRA!
[ Parent ]
+1, classic proletarian meal /nt (2.42 / 7) (#21)
by Sarojin on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 07:56:05 PM EST

Jolly good, sir! +1 FP /nt (1.66 / 3) (#24)
by Undefined Variable on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 08:04:52 PM EST

"Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
+1FP, interesting ... (2.20 / 5) (#25)
by wejn on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 08:20:28 PM EST

Thinking what kind of beginner one must be to actually go for this recipe irl ;)

Or do I really was there in some distant point in time? ;)

Encouraged and ill tell you why (3.00 / 2) (#28)
by balsamic vinigga on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 08:28:14 PM EST

Or do I really was there in some distant point in time?

Whether intentional or not this is the kind of nonesense that I'd like to see on K5.

Please help fund a Filipino Horror Movie. It's been in limbo since 2007 due to lack of funding. Please donate today!
[ Parent ]

Good instructions on testing for doneness (3.00 / 5) (#26)
by Adam Rightmann on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 08:20:50 PM EST

the whole bit about getting a spoonful and draining it.

For more advanced cooks, you can use a fork and try to spear an elbow.

I thought so, too (3.00 / 4) (#34)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 09:23:58 PM EST

but using the term 'al dente' would've elevated the story to a whole new sphere of mac&cheese culinary spheres.

"What's next, sigging a k5er quote about sigging someone on k5?"

[ Parent ]
I considered it (3.00 / 3) (#36)
by balsamic vinigga on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 09:42:29 PM EST

but didn't want to sound too snooty.

Please help fund a Filipino Horror Movie. It's been in limbo since 2007 due to lack of funding. Please donate today!
[ Parent ]
It's an Italian phrase (3.00 / 4) (#53)
by Adam Rightmann on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 08:24:06 AM EST

so you don't have to be accused of French worshipping when you use it. I always try to write informative pieces that elevate the readers and make them learn new things, so don't be afraid to make the reader work a bit.

Perhaps for a follow on you can explain how to make al dente spaghetti, with sauce from a jar and frozen meatballs.

[ Parent ]

Are we illiterate? (2.00 / 6) (#29)
by morewhine on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 08:50:07 PM EST

Can't we just read the box?  I'm a high school dropout and still know how to make macaroni and cheese!

We live in sad times my friend. (2.81 / 16) (#32)
by Dont Fear The Reaper on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 09:08:30 PM EST

The forces of conservativism have risen to power in the United States of American, and they cast their dark stormclouds of ignorance and oppression across the face of the country, nay even the world. The foul beast known as George W. Bush has been re-elected for a second term as president and stands poised to lead an army of Christian Fundamentalists in a new crusade against the progressive forces of truth and light around the world. Darkness is rising, and the people cower in fear. It is our duty, even our destiny, as the chosen few who are able to see things as they are, to preserve and protect the knowledge that will allow us to survive these dangerous and deadly times, and to hold it out like a candle, to light the way for us to lead our fellow man to what we can only hope and pray will be a brighter future.

[ Parent ]
Ummmm... (1.00 / 4) (#39)
by morewhine on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 11:07:55 PM EST

I hope this was a joke.

By the way, despite the fact that I dropped out of high school, I earned a bachelor's degree, which was paid for by over $23,000 in both Pell Grants and University and state grants, and was even offered around $30,000 in govt. subsidized loans (which I turned down because I didn't want to be in debt when I graduated).

[ Parent ]

Gee, that's nice. (3.00 / 3) (#42)
by Dr Gonzo on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 12:52:31 AM EST

Do you want a fucking medal?

"I felt the warmth spread across my lap as her bladder let loose." - MichaelCrawford
[ Parent ]

No, but (none / 0) (#43)
by morewhine on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 12:57:20 AM EST

I want an explanation as to why I can't just read the back of the mac & cheese box to cook it.  I just wanted to give a brief background so that it didn't sound like I was lying (what percentage of K5ers are actually high school dropouts? I would guess I'm one of a handful, at most.)

[ Parent ]
Jesus, another Aspie? (2.54 / 11) (#44)
by Dr Gonzo on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 01:12:28 AM EST

Did you drop out because of your complete inability to pick up on social contexts?

"I felt the warmth spread across my lap as her bladder let loose." - MichaelCrawford
[ Parent ]

not cool (3.00 / 2) (#64)
by thekubrix on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 01:51:20 PM EST

Don't call them "aspies", thats not "PC",....


[ Parent ]

No (none / 0) (#71)
by morewhine on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 09:09:35 PM EST

Public schools are mediocre.  Everybody knows that.  And by the way, you're an asshole for your comment about me.

[ Parent ]
That's an excellent question. (2.50 / 4) (#66)
by Driusan on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 04:29:30 PM EST

Not knowing much about you, if I were to take a guess as to why you can't read the back of a mac & cheese box I'd say it's probably because you're a high school dropout.

This space for rent.
[ Parent ]
What? Did you read my comment? (none / 0) (#72)
by morewhine on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 09:09:57 PM EST

I CAN read the back of the box of the macaroni & cheese.  Did you not read my post?

[ Parent ]
As a matter of fact I did! (1.50 / 2) (#73)
by Driusan on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 09:53:41 PM EST

Did you not read Dr Gonzos?

This space for rent.
[ Parent ]
Very funny (none / 0) (#100)
by morewhine on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 02:09:19 PM EST

It's not that I don't "understand" the "social humor" in this case, I just don't find it to be all that funny.  Also, I don't know if you're a typical nerdy K5-type, but if you are, you shouldn't be lecturing me about "understanding social contexts," especially when we're on the internet and socializing here is a hell of a lot different in real life.

[ Parent ]
Conservatives don't know how to do mac'n'cheese? (3.00 / 3) (#114)
by badtux on Wed Dec 15, 2004 at 04:49:27 AM EST

That seems rather... odd... considering the various casseroles that they foist upon each other at every birth, wedding, and divorce (all of which happen for girl conservatives before they reach the age of 20).

- Badtux the Libertarian Penguin
In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin
[ Parent ]

+1 FP (3.00 / 5) (#31)
by bg on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 09:03:34 PM EST

A True American Icon

- In heaven, all the interesting people are missing.
Too difficult for a beginner (3.00 / 13) (#40)
by EvilGwyn on Sun Dec 12, 2004 at 11:27:14 PM EST

I suggest you start with something like "Cheese on toast", or "A glass of water", and move up to move advanced topics like this in a few articles time.

Secondly, what is this "butter" you speak of?

Finally, I have a bowl of hot grits, what do I do with it?

fuck (none / 0) (#46)
by bankind on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 02:55:27 AM EST

how I make the wonder bread?

"Insurgents are blowing up pipelines and police stations, geysers of sewage are erupting from the streets, and the electricity is off most of the time -- but we've given Iraq the gift of supply-side economics." -Krugman

dur (none / 0) (#81)
by zrail on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 09:22:38 AM EST

You buy it from the store?

[ Parent ]
at the swap meat? <nt> (none / 0) (#111)
by bankind on Wed Dec 15, 2004 at 12:59:29 AM EST

"Insurgents are blowing up pipelines and police stations, geysers of sewage are erupting from the streets, and the electricity is off most of the time -- but we've given Iraq the gift of supply-side economics." -Krugman
[ Parent ]

My only addition... (2.75 / 8) (#47)
by Psycho Dave on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 03:36:24 AM EST

Add some cut up hot dogs to it. Eat with toasted wonder bread and a glass of cherry Kool Aid.

That would pretty much replicate my diet through all of college.

Add a little butter... (none / 1) (#48)
by IceTitan on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 03:48:48 AM EST

...to the elbows while they're cooking. The won't stick as much. Buy your butter in a tub so you don't really know how much you are using.
Nuke 'em from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
A Better Method (3.00 / 3) (#52)
by kcidx on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 08:20:41 AM EST

Pour the cooked noodles into a strainer, and leave it in your sink.

Then melt the butter, along with a slice of real cheddar cheese, in the empty pot. When the butter is fully melted and the cheese has turned goopey, add milke and the cheese packet.

Stir this over low heat until it forms a sauce with a nice thick consistency. Then add in the noodles and mix.

YOu wind up with a much better sauce, more actually cheese like, and less likely to have clumps of un-mixed power in it.

do not leave in the sink (3.00 / 3) (#54)
by dasnake on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 09:09:20 AM EST

I will suggest to not leave the noodles in the sink, but make the sauce you suggested during the noodles cooking.
Leaving them alone after strain may cause them to loose the correct cooking point. If the pasta is good, at least, if it's not you will not notice any difference.

Another hint: try to finish the last few seconds of noodles cooking directly in the sauce, this will help mixing and judge correct cooking point.

Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita
mi ritrovai per un selva oscura
che` la dritta via era smarrita.
Dante, Divina Commedia, Inferno, I, 1
[ Parent ]
Good advice, thanks. [n/t] (none / 1) (#65)
by kcidx on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 03:44:56 PM EST

[ Parent ]
Your words are strange to me (3.00 / 2) (#56)
by Heywood Jablome on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 09:52:53 AM EST

What is this "stove-top" you speak of?

It's easy, mac. Check out the website. Buy the product. You can get it in big industrial-size cartons.

Cooking Time Vs. Butter (none / 1) (#59)
by DLWormwood on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 10:56:56 AM EST

Well, a cooking article that could have qualified as "Op-Ed" from the editorializing.

That said, I've found that you don't need the whole stick of butter if you cook it for the full 7 minutes suggested on the box. It's a trade off between soft, but healther pasta, or a stiff, but cardiac inducing dish. You do understand that you are supposed to use equal parts milk and butter, right? The "slash" of milk isn't going to be enough to offset the overuse of butter in your version of the recipe. (It also strikes me as somewhat expensive, since Kraft Dinner is traditionally low income "comfort" food.)

I personally prefer the spiral variety myself; that cooks stiffer and actually tastes better with reduced butter.
Those who complain about affect & effect on k5 should be disemvoweled

For a true institutional taste treat. (3.00 / 2) (#60)
by wiredog on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 11:05:07 AM EST

Mix mac'n'cheese with Codejack's really hot chili and you have chili-mac! Mmmmm, yummy!

Wilford Brimley scares my chickens.
Phil the Canuck

you know what makes mac'n'cheese better? (3.00 / 4) (#63)
by Lode Runner on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 12:29:53 PM EST

A few drops of balsamic vinegar. Seriously! Flavored acetic acid also helps most other basic foods.

Eww (3.00 / 3) (#67)
by EvilGwyn on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 06:01:06 PM EST

hey if you want a few drops of balsamic vinigga then go right ahead but try to keep your private life private

[ Parent ]
Hey hey easy now people, take it easy (3.00 / 2) (#68)
by balsamic vinigga on Mon Dec 13, 2004 at 06:05:15 PM EST

there's enough to go around.  rusty's not the only person who gets some.

Please help fund a Filipino Horror Movie. It's been in limbo since 2007 due to lack of funding. Please donate today!
[ Parent ]
-1; forgot to add ketchup. [nt] (none / 0) (#76)
by the77x42 on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 12:14:48 AM EST

"We're not here to educate. We're here to point and laugh." - creature
"You have some pretty stupid ideas." - indubitable ‮

Stuff to add (none / 1) (#79)
by JonesBoy on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 08:21:59 AM EST

Throw in a can of peas and a can of chunk tuna.   Tuna noodle cassarole a la bachelor!

Hey, its better than Ramen.

Speeding never killed anyone. Stopping did.

variant (none / 1) (#112)
by ptraci on Wed Dec 15, 2004 at 01:42:46 AM EST

I throw in a can of tuna, some onion, and chili powder to taste. Sometimes I add more cheese also, if I have any.
"Facts are a better basis for decisions than ideology." - Howard Dean.
[ Parent ]
Powder only (none / 1) (#80)
by Nimey on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 08:38:12 AM EST

*snerk* An even easier way to make M&C is to forego butter and milk. Just sprinkle the "cheese" powder directly on the cooked noodles and enjoy. You can even get extra powder separately -- I've seen a small (6 oz?) canister for sale for approx 2 USD.
Never mind, it was just the dog cumming -- jandev
You Sir, are an Ignorant Motherfucker. -- Crawford
I am arguably too manic to do that. -- Crawford
I already fuck my mother -- trane
Nimey is right -- Blastard
i am in complete agreement with Nimey -- i am a pretty big deal

Also: (none / 0) (#107)
by sunder on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 09:01:37 PM EST

You can also buy it by the pound in the bulk bins, but it's of a lower grade. Even further from cheese than the Kraft offering.

[ Parent ]
Not to piss on your parade (none / 1) (#82)
by CaptainZapp on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 09:26:27 AM EST

But why wouldn't you buy a normal pack of Spaghetti/Orecietti/Fusili/Noodles or whatever (I recommend the DeCecco brand, if available)? Buy a chunk of real Parmeggiano as opposed to this industrial crap "cheese" and grind it manually over the pasta?

Advantages: It will not only taste much better, but it also avoids the bad kharma of processed foods, which are definitely not good for you.

In addition it can be as easily prepared by the aspiring chef as a Miracoli Spaghetti dinner, by just reading the instructions on the pasta pack.

There is no need to thank me.

Obviously... (none / 1) (#83)
by Nosf3ratu on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 09:54:50 AM EST

Because that wouldn't support his lame attempt to mock the recent (rather decent, I might add) recipes added to k5, that's why.

[ Parent ]
Ah, OK (none / 0) (#85)
by CaptainZapp on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 09:59:07 AM EST

Sorry then: My bullshit detector must have a bad day.

[ Parent ]
Perhaps to normal people... (none / 1) (#86)
by Eccles on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 10:55:23 AM EST

...but kids will go for the packaged stuff every time, more's the pity.  It's great in that it's dirt-cheap, but I leave that for the kids and have a bowl of cereal instead.

Fortunately my kids are relatively adventurous in what they'll eat, so I'm not condemned to a bland, limited menu in general.

[ Parent ]

they're the boss (none / 0) (#87)
by mpalczew on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 11:12:16 AM EST

so the kids are the boss, I see.

-- Death to all Fanatics!
[ Parent ]
Every once in while... (none / 1) (#117)
by Eccles on Wed Dec 15, 2004 at 11:54:49 AM EST

Yep, every once in a while we let our kids make decisions, especially when it's dinner for less than a dollar a person.

[ Parent ]
Its easy (none / 1) (#116)
by JonesBoy on Wed Dec 15, 2004 at 09:06:46 AM EST

I can buy mac and cheese for about a buck, (less for the generic mac and cheese flavored hi-c stuff), let it sit on the shelf for a year or two, and it is still good.

When I want to make it, all I need is the box and water.   Milk is better, but water is sufficient.

The entire process of cooking, eating and cleaning takes about 10 mins, fills you up, and contains trace amounts of nutrition.

Homeade mac and cheese requires fresh, or somewhat fresh cheese, far more preparation and effort, double the cost, and the cleanup is a PITA.   In the end, you still have a crappy meal loaded with saturated fat.

Speeding never killed anyone. Stopping did.
[ Parent ]

Front Page? (none / 0) (#84)
by knight37 on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 09:55:51 AM EST

You know a website is going downhill when mac & cheese makes the front page.


Once a Gamer, always a Gamer
check again it only made section (3.00 / 2) (#99)
by balsamic vinigga on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 02:06:23 PM EST

Never woulda guessed it would live longer than 10 min. in the queue thoug much less make section!

Please help fund a Filipino Horror Movie. It's been in limbo since 2007 due to lack of funding. Please donate today!
[ Parent ]
Am I the only one... (3.00 / 3) (#88)
by brunes69 on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 11:26:43 AM EST

Who finds KD tates **much** better when you **don't** add milk or butter? Basically, I boil the noodles, strain them, then add the powdered cheese while still piping hot. This causes the cheese to melt nicely (no, it doe s**not*** stay all "dry" and "gucky" like people have said to me)

What results is KD that is **much** cheesier and tastier, and less gooey and milky.

Am I crazy? Does anyone else do this? Every time I mention this to anyone they look at me like a maniac.

---There is no Spoon---

To answer your questions.. (3.00 / 4) (#96)
by Driusan on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 01:06:53 PM EST

Yes, yes, and no.

This space for rent.
[ Parent ]
REAL Macaroni and Cheese (3.00 / 4) (#89)
by adamjaskie on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 11:38:26 AM EST

  • 1lb dry macaroni
  • 1 cup milk
  • 1 Tbsp butter
  • 1 Tbsp flour
  • 1/4 lb of good sharp cheddar cheese, GRATED, or more if you want.
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • OPTIONAL: Bread crumbs

NOTES: Macaroni is the most familiar, but really any pasta will work, as long as it can hold the sauce. Spaghetti does not work too well (I have tried it. It tastes fine, but you end up with a pool of sauce and a pile of pasta on top.) but those shell thingies work GREAT. As for the cheese, Canadian Black Diamond is decent, or something from Vermont. Just make sure it is not that generic orange flavourless stuff. It needs a good bite to it. Don't bother with something imported from England or wherever. That is great cheese, but this is kinda a waste of REALLY good cheese.

Start the water heating for the pasta a few minutes ahead of time.

Melt the butter in a small saucepan on medium. Stir in the flour, stir until smooth. Add the milk, blend until smooth, and let it cook until it gets noticeably thicker. Turn down to low, and dump in the cheese.

The water should be boiling by now; dump in the pasta.

Stir the sauce to melt the cheese. Taste it, and add more cheese if it isn't cheesy enough. Add salt and pepper to taste.

When the pasta is done (al dente), drain it, and mix it with the cheese sauce.

OPTIONAL: Preheat your broiler. Undercook the pasta JUST A LITTLE BIT, then mix it with the cheese sauce. Dump it into a cassarole dish, sprinkle bread crumbs on it, and toss it under the broiler until it is golden brown and crispy on top.

Cheese medley (3.00 / 2) (#95)
by NoBeardPete on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 01:06:46 PM EST

A lot of delis and cheese shops will sell you "cheese ends" for cheap. When they are slicing cheese on their cheese slicers, they end up with a chunk of the end that's too small for the machine to keep working with. I've generally seen bundles of these wrapped up in plastic wrap and sold for cheap. Typically there'll be a medley of different cheeses in each bundle - maybe some swiss, some american, some provolone, and some cheddar. When I was a kid, we'd always use cheese ends to make mac and cheese. It's cheaper, and you end up with a nice blend.

Also, I'd recommend laying down alternate layers of pasta and grated cheese in the caserole dish, then pouring the white sauce over that. Now add the bread crumbs, and put in the broiler until nicely browned.

Arrr, it be the infamous pirate, No Beard Pete!
[ Parent ]

Cheese medley (none / 0) (#97)
by adamjaskie on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 01:41:27 PM EST

But would it have any cheddar that has a decent bite to it? That is key. You can't use the generic orange store cheddar stuff, it actually has to be aged for a while.

[ Parent ]
Cheese sauce (none / 1) (#126)
by Trepalium on Sat Dec 18, 2004 at 03:35:42 AM EST

Although I really hate the taste of mustard, I find that adding a little ground mustard powder (about a quarter of a teaspoon in this case) helps emphasise the flavour. Unless you use too much, the sauce shouldn't develop a mustard flavour.

[ Parent ]
Interesting (none / 1) (#127)
by adamjaskie on Sat Dec 18, 2004 at 09:20:20 AM EST

I love the taste of mustart myself, but never would have thought of adding mustard seed to macaroni and cheese. I will have to try that sometime.

As long as you are not adding vinegar, it should not end up tasting too much like mustard no matter how much you add, but it would taste pretty odd I guess if you put too much in.

[ Parent ]

Tip to keep from boiling over (3.00 / 2) (#92)
by Trevasel on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 12:13:35 PM EST

Pouring about a teaspoon of vegetable oil in the pot will keep it from boiling over.
-- That which does not kill you only makes you stranger - Trevor Goodchild
Got in an argument once (none / 1) (#108)
by KnightStalker on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 09:10:09 PM EST

with my roommate, who thought that you put a little oil on boiling pasta to prevent it from sticking together. I, of course, believed it was to keep it from boiling over. After some experimentation, it seems to do both.

[ Parent ]
I didn't know that. (none / 1) (#121)
by Trevasel on Thu Dec 16, 2004 at 04:15:51 PM EST

I always do a quick rinse in cold water to keep it from sticking.
-- That which does not kill you only makes you stranger - Trevor Goodchild
[ Parent ]
I like stickiness (none / 1) (#124)
by cerberusss on Fri Dec 17, 2004 at 10:18:38 AM EST

That way, it nicely clings to my gf's breasts :D

[ Parent ]
w00t (none / 0) (#132)
by bakuretsu on Wed Dec 22, 2004 at 08:34:30 AM EST

The best part is, whether you prepare this meal with or without vegetable oil in the water, it will nicely cling to your girlfriend's hips in less than a day after consumption!

-- Airborne
    aka Bakuretsu
    The Bailiwick -- DESIGNHUB 2004
[ Parent ]
2/3 of a pot? (3.00 / 3) (#93)
by pfaffben on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 12:21:06 PM EST

What size pot?

That's the beauty of it! (3.00 / 4) (#106)
by Dont Fear The Reaper on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 08:47:28 PM EST

It doesn't matter!

[ Parent ]
My Mac and Cheese recipes. (none / 1) (#94)
by kneelconqueso on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 12:57:59 PM EST

Mac and Fake Beef

1 Box Mac and Cheese, prepared as directed above/on box.
2/3 cup salsa (roughly,  never measured)
1/2 cup ketchup (again, never measured)
Some hot sauce (I reccomend Frank's)
1 package Boca Burger crumbles (can use real beef but its a pain in the ass to cook and its bad for you.  you dont have to cook these at all, just warm em up)

Just mix all that crap together, add jalapenos and more cheese and you got yerself a pretty good meal.  I also advise eating it with carrot or celery sticks for more fiber so you don't get the shits.

Milk Noodles!

My grandmother used to make something like this for me (yes, we are poor southerners).  Its good comfort food.

1 box mac and cheese (prepared as directed)
1 large can Evaporated milk
About 6 oz of velveeta cheese.

It is basically a warm, creamy soup with noodles in it. Assumingly very bad for you, but good if youre sick or just need some fat and dairy to cure the blues.  

'1 Package' (none / 1) (#105)
by bhearsum on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 06:08:25 PM EST

Do you have an approx. weight/amount for the Boca Burger crumbles? I like to use Ives Veggie Ground Round myself, and one package of that is equal to about 1/2 pound ground beef. Any idea if that would be appropriate?

[ Parent ]
according to bocaburger.com... (none / 1) (#110)
by kneelconqueso on Wed Dec 15, 2004 at 12:29:32 AM EST

a package is equal to 1/2 pound of beef also, so yeah that would be appropriate.
where do you get that ives stuff?  i'd like to try it out.  good fake meat is a godsend for health.

[ Parent ]
Mac & Cheese wedges. & baked cheese grits (none / 1) (#98)
by MonkeyMan on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 02:04:04 PM EST

Has anybody eaten or tried making Mac & Cheese wedges. Some adult told me these were pretty good. Though deep-frying is probably a bit too advanced for the people in this thread who are proud that they have mastered boiling water.

While I don't think oven baking would work for mac & cheese (the mac on the outside would get too hard), it works great for cheese grits.

Baked Cheese Grits.
1. Make a pot of grits. When it is done cooking
2. Add a bunch of cheese (I like Brie) and stir until cheese melted and evenly distributed.
3. Pour even layer of cheese grits into large shallow pan, maybe 3/8" deep.
4. Let grits cool, refridgerate until firm.
5. Cut grits into ~1" shapes: squares, triangles, whatever.
6. Bake in 350 oven until outsides are crispy.

Oven baking (none / 1) (#101)
by adamjaskie on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 02:24:04 PM EST

It does work for regular mac & cheese. You aren't actually COOKING it in the oven. You are just browning the top a bit. If any more than the top side of the top layer of macaroni gets hard, you cooked it too long. Turn up the heat, put the pan closer to the broiler, and use less time the next time you cook it. You WANT a nice, crispy crust on the top, but you do not want a bunch of dried out, scorched macaroni.

[ Parent ]
Mac and Cheese with Ham and Garlic (none / 1) (#102)
by digitalmedievalist on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 03:13:28 PM EST

I swear that this is easy. The secret is using good cheese; not the parmesan in a can; get a chunk and grate it yourself. You don't need much. Just keep stirring.


1 head of garlic
1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil
2 large shallots, minced
2 cups whole milk
2 cups whipping cream
1/2 teaspoon chopped fresh parsley
1/8 teaspoon finely grated lemon peel
8 ounces extra-sharp cheddar cheese, shredded
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1 pound ditalini or macaroni or conchiglie pasta
8 ounces ham, cut into 1/4-inch pieces (about 2 cups)
1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley


1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Cut top 1/4 inch off head of garlic to expose cloves. Remove as much dry papery skin as you can without breaking the head. Place garlic, cut side up, on sheet of foil. Drizzle with 1/2 tablespoon oil; sprinkle with salt and pepper. Wrap garlic with foil to enclose tightly. Bake until skin is golden brown and cloves are tender, about 55 minutes. Cool. Stick it in the fridge for a bit if you need to; don't burn your self. Squeeze cloves from skin into a dish or use the tinfoil. Pick out any bits of the garlic paper that break off.

2. Heat remaining 1 tablespoon oil in large saucepan over medium heat. Add shallots; sauté until tender, about 4 minutes. Whisk in milk, cream, parsley, lemon peel, and roasted garlic. Simmer over medium heat until reduced to 2 3/4 cups, about 30 minutes. Reduce heat to low. Gradually stir in cheeses. Keep stirring to thoroughly melt and mix the sauce.

3. Meanwhile, cook pasta in large pot of boiling salted water until tender but still firm to bite, (see package for time guidelines) stirring occasionally. Don't overcook. It's probably only going to take 8 to ten minutes. Stir or the pasta sticks to the pan. Drain.

4. Toss cheese sauce, pasta, ham, and parsley in large bowl. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

5. Serve with a salad.

This makes a lot of mac and cheese. You can easily cut the recipe in half. It reheats well; put it in a covered casserole in the oven at about 350 F for a half hour or so. It's not so good in the microwave, but it's possible to reheat it that way.

This is from a recipe from a restaurant from the 'net a couple of years ago; I forget where.

This is sick (none / 0) (#113)
by badtux on Wed Dec 15, 2004 at 04:46:56 AM EST

The whole point of mac'n'cheese is *simplicity*. At most, you add maybe two more things (cream of mushroom soup and a can of tuna?) to make a casserole out of it. But any recipe involving mac'n'cheese that involves more than four ingredients other than the contents of the box is just missing the point altogether!

- Badtux the Gourmet Penguin
In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin
[ Parent ]

I'll see your "sick" and raise you (none / 0) (#123)
by digitalmedievalist on Fri Dec 17, 2004 at 02:36:57 AM EST



Not only does it use more than four ingredients it doesn't even use the box!

But it really is easy. And it doesn't have to be an invitation to a heart attack; use canned evaporated non fat milk instead of the cream, or partially substitute it for the cream.

It's the garlic and good cheese that are important; don't mess with them.

[ Parent ]
-1, too many big words (none / 0) (#129)
by The Muffin on Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 02:41:32 AM EST

WTF are shallots?

- This is the end.
[ Parent ]
Big words? (none / 0) (#130)
by adamjaskie on Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 01:10:01 PM EST

Shallots are related to onions and garlic. They share the same papery covering, and a similar flavour, but just as onion is less pungent than garlic, the shallot has a more delicate flavour than the onion. They are the only one of the three that I do not keep a supply of in my kitchen, as they are not used as much. If you don't have any, or can not find them, you can substitute onion, but make sure you cut back, or it will be too... oniony...

[ Parent ]
Salsa (none / 0) (#103)
by n8f8 on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 05:39:08 PM EST

I add salsa to Kraft M&C and my mother adds stewed tomatoes.

Sig: (This will get posted after your comments)
Pepper (3.00 / 3) (#109)
by dlur on Tue Dec 14, 2004 at 11:59:32 PM EST

Mac and Cheese is nothing without a healthy dousing of pepper.

Too complicated (2.00 / 2) (#115)
by badtux on Wed Dec 15, 2004 at 04:55:09 AM EST

This recipe is too complicated. Who keeps butter around? When I went to get my milk out, I decided not to because I needed a chisel to get it out of the carton! I think I'm going to fix something easier. Hmm, here's this nice styrofoam cup full of ramen noodles, now let me heat up a coffeecup full of hot water in the microwave for three minutes, pour it in this cup, let it sit for five minutes... AHHHHH.... open a can of tuna and eat the tuna right out of the can... now *THAT* is something that even a bachelor penguin can fix for dinner!

- Badtux the Gourmet Penguin
In a time of chimpanzees, I was a penguin

Butter is bad??? (2.00 / 2) (#118)
by HardwareLust on Wed Dec 15, 2004 at 06:33:02 PM EST

No, it's not.

Some may still think butter is bad for them, and they are delusional at best.  Margarine is far, FAR worse for you than good ol' butter.  That whole low-fat thing went out with the 80's, people.

I'm surprised that there haven't been any anti-carb comments from members of the Atkins cult?  Could it hopefully be that they've finally all killed themselves off, or perhaps they woke up and realized what a bunch of crap it all was?  

Great story, though.  I love Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.  It is the pinnacle of mac and cheese that all other boxes and/or recipes aspire to be, and fail miserably.  It is, without a doubt, my most favorite food in the entire world.

If you disagree, POST, don't moderate!

And, meat ain't bad for you, either. (none / 0) (#119)
by HardwareLust on Wed Dec 15, 2004 at 06:42:01 PM EST

Now, I'm not saying that there aren't any perfectly valid reasons for you to not want to eat meat.  You might be a vegan or whatever.  Or, perhaps your digestive system can't handle beef (some folks are born that way.  I've known two personally.)

But, for a normal person, there just aren't any valid medical reasons whatsoever to not eat meat.  None. As in Zero. Just as there aren't any valid medical reasons to not eat carbs or fat.

You may not WANT to eat meat.  Heck, you might even find it repulsive, or whatever.  But claiming meat is bad for you is just plain wrong.

Feel free to cite any valid, peer-reviewed scientific studies to refute your claim.  You can't because there aren't any.

If you disagree, POST, don't moderate!

[ Parent ]

No fat (none / 0) (#131)
by GenerationY on Wed Dec 22, 2004 at 01:28:48 AM EST

means no testosterone.

Low fat = girly man.

[ Parent ]

-1 redundant /nt (none / 1) (#120)
by auraslip on Thu Dec 16, 2004 at 05:03:08 AM EST

Onions (none / 0) (#122)
by halo8 on Thu Dec 16, 2004 at 05:28:02 PM EST

My Recipe:

Follow all of balsamic vinigga's steps except try this.

Before putting in noodles

  • FINLEY GRATE 1/3 of a storage Onion, grate it so fine it is liquidy.
  • add in the onions on higher than medium heat to cook them for a minute, add a tablespoon of butter and milk so you dont burn them.
  • add a tea spoon of minced garlic
  • add a tablesoon (4-6 shakes of tabasco sauce)
let cook for 1 minute
  • throw in rest of butter and rest of milk (i recomend using much less than the recomended 1/4 cup of each
  • throw in a 1/4 cup of grated cheese (i prefer cheddar.. its your call)
Add Noodles

now.. what brings all this together.. is a tablespoon of ground pepper. a tablespoon of normal pepper, and a LOT OF SALT!

dont worry about it being spicy.. the heat from cooking and the salt and the onions blend VERY WELL, its NOT spicey!

Other things to try

- go to bulk barn.. you can buy dry cheddar cheese mix there.. add a 1/4 cup, dont add a lot more cause then it tasts all chemically and fake

- add a bit of parsemen chease.. dont add to much it overpowers the flavours

- hot dogs

- try it with a can of coke (not a bottle, a can!)

- marble cheese works well its very stringy

+1 (none / 1) (#125)
by clawDATA on Fri Dec 17, 2004 at 11:51:32 AM EST

This is MY recipe. You can NEVER have TOO MUCH BUTTER. That's the secret.

The guy who ads the can of tuna is spot-on. Since I've gotten married, I've found that I've had to get a bit more sufistikatd in my culinary skills -- which the can of tuna helped nicely with.

Those who posted "real" recipes are fags who should be hauled out to the streets and shot (no offence to real fags.)

Actually, since I made the mistake of moving overseas, I've noticed a troubling lack of KD -- and was forced to make my own. It's the same recipe, except with real cheese instead of powdered. It's that simple.

Like a haiku, zen kone, or fractal, the beauty of KD lies in its simplicity. Out of such few, simple ingredients lurks monstrous complexities. As one poster so wisely noted: What size pot? You could spend a lifetime (or at least a few semesters) going through all the permutations.

Why isn't this on the front page?

Four points (none / 0) (#128)
by Boronx on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 12:37:09 AM EST

A little grease will keep the water from boiling over and the noodles will stick less.

Any type of oil, corn oil, olive oil, can be substituded for butter. Although it does change things quite a bit.

Also, use one of those Chinese straining basket on a wooden handle instead of a bowl strainer. The key benefit here is two-fold: You don't have to pour the noodles out of a heavy pot, but more importantly, you don't have to clean up the sink.

Kraft is good, but with a few exceptions the rule for mac is to by the cheapest box available. (Note that preparation is identicle.)

Kraft Macaroni and Cheese | 132 comments (101 topical, 31 editorial, 0 hidden)
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