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 The Great K5 Limerick Contest By MichaelCrawford in CultureThu Aug 05, 2004 at 10:28:10 PM EST Tags: Humour (all tags) Queue submissions being scarce, I suggest we all submit limericks for consideration. Mod up your favorites. I'm no poet, so I'll submit a favorite of my childhood: There was a young woman named Bright, Who traveled much faster than light She set out one day In a relative way And returned on the previous night. I'm afraid I don't remember the author.

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 The Great K5 Limerick Contest | 189 comments (177 topical, 12 editorial, 0 hidden)
 "I don't remember the author." (2.70 / 10) (#1) by WorkingEmail on Wed Aug 04, 2004 at 10:09:56 PM EST

 That's because he hasn't been born yet. ♥
 ror (1.20 / 5) (#2) by Hide Teh Hamster on Wed Aug 04, 2004 at 10:12:24 PM EST

 This revitalised kuro5hin thing, it reminds me very much of the new German Weimar Republic. Please don't let the dark cloud of National Socialism descend upon it again.[ Parent ]
 IAWTP /nt (none / 0) (#43) by WorkingEmail on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 05:48:40 AM EST

 ♥[ Parent ]
 From Scotland (none / 1) (#179) by hoopsmaccann on Mon Aug 16, 2004 at 02:23:26 AM EST

 A visitor once to Loch Ness. Met the monster, who left him a mess; They returned his entrails By the regular mails, And the rest of the stuff UPS! -- Hoops MacCann Brut & Charisma[ Parent ]
 Here we go... (2.66 / 6) (#3) by pb on Wed Aug 04, 2004 at 10:17:55 PM EST

 There once was a man from K5, Who wrote with remarkable drive. He tended to shout -- after he would wig out -- I thought that I would not survive! --- "See what the drooling, ravening, flesh-eating hordes^W^W^W^WKuro5hin.org readers have to say." -- pwhysall
 Follow-up (2.85 / 14) (#4) by CanSpice on Wed Aug 04, 2004 at 10:19:56 PM EST

 There once was a man from K5, he kept all the servers alive. One day on his yacht That he had just bought He polished his monocoles -- all five! [ Parent ]
 suggested alternate endings: (2.87 / 8) (#5) by pb on Wed Aug 04, 2004 at 10:27:21 PM EST

 The sharks found and ate him alive! He now could no further connive! His site crashed and took a nose dive! He couldn't afford a tape drive! --- "See what the drooling, ravening, flesh-eating hordes^W^W^W^WKuro5hin.org readers have to say." -- pwhysall[ Parent ]
 Also, endings with a twist: (2.40 / 5) (#6) by CanSpice on Wed Aug 04, 2004 at 10:29:34 PM EST

 Where's that CMF? Search? ROR [ Parent ]
 Abbreviated Limericks (topical this time) (2.86 / 15) (#9) by chrylis on Wed Aug 04, 2004 at 10:38:25 PM EST

 There was a young lady from Crewe Whose limericks stopped at line two. There was a young man from Verdun... "Topical" should be the default comment type...
 Limerickage (2.91 / 12) (#12) by Perpetual Newbie on Wed Aug 04, 2004 at 10:43:59 PM EST

 The Misfortunes of Fyfe is the dirty limerick to end all dirty limericks, while Honor Roll is the overall winner. If you want originals, let's give this a shot... There once was a fellow named Linus Who saw Sun's price tag as a minus He authored some code Which to the world he showed Now hackers all call him "Your Highness" ... There once was a fellow named Gates Who every computer nerd hates Though many would spank him They really should thank him Their fat wallets get them hot dates ... There once was a guy on kuro5hin Who'd rate everything a minus one 'til one day he vanished Perhaps he's been banished Just where the heck now is Paul Dunne?
 W (2.84 / 13) (#14) by pb on Wed Aug 04, 2004 at 10:51:26 PM EST

 There once was a statesman from Texas, Who thought love required two sexes. Things aren't what they seem, Here where wings take dream -- His use of the language perplexes! --- "See what the drooling, ravening, flesh-eating hordes^W^W^W^WKuro5hin.org readers have to say." -- pwhysall
 Why be coy? (2.88 / 9) (#18) by localroger on Wed Aug 04, 2004 at 11:41:22 PM EST

 The relevant quote: "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." --LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000 We are such a nation of homilies That we get all choked up over families But two gents or two gals Want to show how they're pals And we're ready to inter them solemnly. All right, it's below 50 on the tomatometer, but it's late. What will people of the future think of us? Will they say, as Roger Williams said of some of the Massachusetts Indians, that we were wolves with the min[ Parent ]
 Who's being coy? (2.81 / 11) (#32) by pb on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 01:45:04 AM EST

 Perhaps it is not what you think; the quote can be found in a blink. to really be frugal, you don't search with google, but just click the relevant link. homilies seems much like orange, and families also like silver. beset by hard times, when neither word rhymes, and also as bad is solemnly. --- "See what the drooling, ravening, flesh-eating hordes^W^W^W^WKuro5hin.org readers have to say." -- pwhysall[ Parent ]
 lol (3.00 / 4) (#94) by milksop on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 04:06:41 AM EST

 smackdowns and flaming abounds, to hide them in verse is quite sound. i laughed my ass off, a clever bake-off, but this is terrible so i'm going to stop. -- i make games.[ Parent ]
 bah (3.00 / 3) (#125) by RadiantMatrix on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 03:19:03 PM EST

 Your comment, it's true, is quite witty; But the form of your rhyme is sure shitty. For once, if you flame, try not to sound lame, or your mojo will be itty-bitty. "In any sufficiently large group of people, most are idiots" - Kaa's Law[ Parent ]
 oy (none / 2) (#135) by Wah on Sat Aug 07, 2004 at 01:19:59 AM EST

 You say that you do this for fun, But when people see it they run.    For flaming in rhyme is so petty,    Like an old un-used jetty, And besides, it's already been done. -- umm, holding, holding... [ Parent ]
 Hmm. (1.75 / 12) (#15) by Ta bu shi da yu on Wed Aug 04, 2004 at 11:20:04 PM EST

 There once was a troll, rmg Who needed to pee He worked it so hard It turned into lard He had to yell out "Help me!" ---AdTIה"the think tank that didn't".ה
 It doesn't scan (none / 3) (#17) by localroger on Wed Aug 04, 2004 at 11:29:21 PM EST

 This bug can be fixed: There once was a troll, rmg who desperately needed to pee He worked it so hard That it turned into lard And he had to yell out "Please Help Me!" But then again, maybe the point was that it was supposed to be broken, in which case I retract my revision. What will people of the future think of us? Will they say, as Roger Williams said of some of the Massachusetts Indians, that we were wolves with the min[ Parent ]
 Last line fix (3.00 / 2) (#129) by Theoretical User on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 03:55:03 PM EST

 There once was a troll, rmg who desperately needed to pee   He worked it so hard   That it turned into lard So he yelled out, "Where are you, Mommy?" Try to keep your tenses straight, Roger. ___ Your Wife Gives Bad Head. -- CheeseburgerBrown[ Parent ]
 In Homage (2.73 / 23) (#16) by localroger on Wed Aug 04, 2004 at 11:25:09 PM EST

 There once was a fella named Tex With bollocks the size of T. Rex But he ran out of steam And departed the team For some place where he can hope for sex. What will people of the future think of us? Will they say, as Roger Williams said of some of the Massachusetts Indians, that we were wolves with the min
 Ouch. (none / 0) (#19) by NoMoreNicksLeft on Wed Aug 04, 2004 at 11:50:10 PM EST

 -- Do not look directly into laser with remaining good eye.[ Parent ]
 sorry, TB (3.00 / 17) (#40) by polyglot on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 05:15:20 AM EST

 There was a young man named Tex Who really was small for his sex.    When tried for exposure    The judge's disclosure Was "de minimus non curat lex." [the law does not concern itself with small things]. fortune is to be thanked for that one. -- "There is no God and Dirac is his prophet"      -- Wolfgang Pauli ‮־[ Parent ]
 I'm sure I saw your limerick in an Asimov book (none / 1) (#20) by mcgrew on Wed Aug 04, 2004 at 11:57:15 PM EST

 But I'm equally sure he didn't make it up. OTOH it might have been Sagan. Or Hawking. Or somebody else entirely. However... Here's the first two lines of a limerick. I'm afraid the ending is a bit risque so I'll let someone else finish it. "The entire neocon movement is dedicated to revoking mcgrew's posting priviliges. This is why we went to war with Iraq." -LilDebbie
 There was a young girl from Nantucket (none / 0) (#21) by mcgrew on Wed Aug 04, 2004 at 11:57:56 PM EST

 "The entire neocon movement is dedicated to revoking mcgrew's posting priviliges. This is why we went to war with Iraq." -LilDebbie[ Parent ]
 Whose cunt was as big as a bucket (none / 1) (#22) by mcgrew on Wed Aug 04, 2004 at 11:58:35 PM EST

 "The entire neocon movement is dedicated to revoking mcgrew's posting priviliges. This is why we went to war with Iraq." -LilDebbie[ Parent ]
 I put my dick in and said with a grin (none / 1) (#36) by GenerationY on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 04:02:38 AM EST

 (brinksmanship rules). [ Parent ]
 My toaster! So that's where I stuck it! (3.00 / 10) (#59) by bakuretsu on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 10:52:38 AM EST

 -- Airborne     aka Bakuretsu     The Bailiwick -- DESIGNHUB 2004[ Parent ]
 Here we go: (none / 2) (#92) by Bill Hicks on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 03:40:56 AM EST

 There was a young girl from Nantucket. With an ass so cute you would fuck it. Get your member covered in pooh? You can clean it off in the loo. But just don't expect her to suck it. [ Parent ]
 There once was a hooker from Venezuela (none / 2) (#93) by Bill Hicks on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 04:02:35 AM EST

 Her cunt so tight you could not penetrate her. I fixed her slot with my special sex toy. Then I "tested" her out, oh what a joy. But of course now she expects me to pay her. [ Parent ]
 There once was a web-site called Fark (none / 2) (#95) by Bill Hicks on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 04:11:59 AM EST

 Upon it where pictures of tarts. Got me in such a mood I had to get my lube But could only muster a fart. [ Parent ]
 Also, I have another variation. (3.00 / 5) (#60) by bakuretsu on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 10:54:25 AM EST

 There was a young man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin If my ear were a cunt, I would fuck it -- Airborne     aka Bakuretsu     The Bailiwick -- DESIGNHUB 2004[ Parent ]
 I once knew a man from Nantucket. (3.00 / 7) (#61) by TheOnlyCoolTim on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 11:09:51 AM EST

 Let's just say the stories about him are greatly exaggerated. Tim "We are trapped in the belly of this horrible machine, and the machine is bleeding to death."[ Parent ]
 Gamow too... (3.00 / 4) (#134) by mwright on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 07:54:48 PM EST

 The relativity one was also in "One, Two, Three... Infinity," by George Gamow; if I remember correctly, though, he implied it had already been around for a while. That same book opened with the following: There was a young fellow from Trinity Who took the square root of infinity. But the number of digits Gave him the fidgets; He dropped math and took up divinity which I'm fairly sure (but not positive) was written by Gamow. Also in the book was this one: There was a young fellow named Fisk Whose fencing was exceedingly brisk. So fast was his action, The FitzGerald contraction Reduced his rapier to a disk. On a slight tangent, Gamow seemed like quite a person. He coauthored a paper with Ralph Alpher, and added Hans Bethe's name as a joke. The authors list therefore read "Alpher, Bethe, Gamow." [ Parent ]
 Indeed. (2.46 / 13) (#23) by The Honorable Elijah Muhammad on Wed Aug 04, 2004 at 11:58:40 PM EST

 L.R.'s fiction was seen as the creme but let me set you straight with this gem: "You're a talentless hack Just as as sure as I'm black" Quoth the Hon'rable Reverend EM. ___ localroger is a tool. In memory of the You Sad Bastard thread. A part of our heritage.
 also in tribute (2.94 / 19) (#26) by polyglot on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 12:19:27 AM EST

 There once was a writer of fiction The cause of much -1 friction    The trolls on K5    They could not abide Prime Intellect's horror prediction -- "There is no God and Dirac is his prophet"      -- Wolfgang Pauli ‮־
 Edward Lear has one: (2.00 / 4) (#27) by SoupIsGoodFood on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 12:35:26 AM EST

 There was a young man of St. Bees, Who was horribly stung by a wasp. When they asked 'Does it hurt?' He replied 'Not too much.' It's a good job it wasn't a hornet.
 Properly formatted (2.40 / 5) (#28) by SoupIsGoodFood on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 12:36:50 AM EST

 There was a young man of St. Bees, Who was horribly stung by a wasp. When they asked 'Does it hurt?' He replied 'Not too much.' It's a good job it wasn't a hornet. [ Parent ]
 In a similar vein (2.66 / 6) (#37) by Herring on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 04:14:30 AM EST

 There was a young lady from Bude Who went for a swim in the lake A man in a punt Stuck a pole in her ear And said "you can't swim here this is council property, go one get off" Say lol what again motherfucker, say lol what again, I dare you, no I double dare you[ Parent ]
 you're on drugs (2.00 / 2) (#98) by fleece on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 07:48:00 AM EST

 As a tribute to those drugs... There once was a man from Nantucket Whose cock was too big for his trousers One day in the bank He began to withdraw All his money, which he later spent down the Hare n' Hound. I feel like some drunken crazed lunatic trying to outguess a cat ~ Louis Winthorpe III[ Parent ]
 Not mine, but courtesy of fortune -o (2.87 / 16) (#29) by Driusan on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 12:44:16 AM EST

 There once was a girl from Madras Who had such a beautiful ass       It was not round and pink       (As you bastards think) But had four legs, a tail and ate grass. --This space for rent.
 Running orthogonally to the discussion at hand... (3.00 / 5) (#30) by Enu the Subway Groper on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 01:17:50 AM EST

 Gmail just gave me 3 invites today, so I've decided that the three people to post the best dirty limericks involving a woman named Bonita in reply to this comment will get an account. Please leave your address in your comment, obfuscated or a throwaway account or whatever. But what do I know? I just squeeze womens' asses on the morning train to Osaka.
 who is Bonita and what has she done to deserve it? (none / 0) (#33) by polyglot on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 01:57:16 AM EST

 -- "There is no God and Dirac is his prophet"      -- Wolfgang Pauli ‮־[ Parent ]
 EVERYTHING (none / 0) (#76) by LilDebbie on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 04:01:36 PM EST

 seriously, if there's anything bad in your life, it's her fault My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden. - hugin -[ Parent ]
 CHIKAN! DETEIKE! (none / 0) (#35) by tetsuwan on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 03:46:48 AM EST

 Njal's Saga: Just like Romeo & Juliet without the romance[ Parent ]
 here you go (none / 1) (#38) by jann on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 05:03:29 AM EST

 There was a young lass named bonita whose nipples popped up when you'd meet her she'd blush scarlet red whilst giving good head and all the guys knew how to treat her jann_westermann@hotmail.com [ Parent ]
 this time with formatting (2.80 / 10) (#39) by jann on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 05:03:56 AM EST

 There was a young lass named bonita whose nipples popped up when you'd meet her she'd blush scarlet red whilst giving good head and all the guys knew how to treat her jann_westermann@hotmail.com [ Parent ]
 My attempt (2.66 / 9) (#41) by ZorbaTHut on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 05:16:31 AM EST

 There once was a girl named Bonita Who liked to dress up as a cheetah Her perversions waxed Until one night, at last, She was found smothered dead by Velveeta. [ Parent ]
 hmm (2.91 / 12) (#44) by WorkingEmail on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 06:11:13 AM EST

 There once was a girl called Bonita, who had a good friend she called Rita.   Their idea of fun   involved blouses undone, and a newly acquainted lolita. Once again, thank you RhymeZone, you make me sound so much wittier than I really am. Here, send it to a temporary alias I just made: workingemail@telus.net ♥[ Parent ]
 for betterness (none / 0) (#45) by WorkingEmail on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 06:15:53 AM EST

 Replace the first 'called' with 'named', so that 'called' isn't used twice. ♥[ Parent ]
 Brace yourself (2.88 / 9) (#46) by davidmb on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 06:59:40 AM EST

 The was a young girl named BonitaWho'd squeal with delight if you'd eat herA lovely girl whoUsed to work at the zooBut was kicked out for shagging a cheetah!gmail@mailinator.com ־‮־ [ Parent ]
 Let's see... (2.87 / 8) (#55) by codejack on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 09:45:55 AM EST

 A pervert's dream is Bonita She likes her boyfriend to beat her She takes it with grace, While she sits on his face And gives him head while he eats her Can we post more than one? Bonita's a sick cunt from Naples Her sex life involves whips, chains and staples She'll take it in the ass Or actually fuck an ass! Or even trees (She prefers maples) Little Bonita has such a tiny cunt Even a little dick makes her grunt A carrot stick will make her moan And a cucumber will make her groan Then she splits in two, what a stunt! OK, that last one sucked so bad that I'm giving up. Please read before posting. [ Parent ]
 whoops! (none / 1) (#62) by codejack on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 11:13:44 AM EST

 Just in case I somehow win, my email is xrimshot@hotmail.com. Please read before posting. [ Parent ]
 My entry (3.00 / 7) (#74) by LilDebbie on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 03:59:38 PM EST

 There once was a girl named Bonita Who served as my little Lolita I may go to hell She only was twelve But for a while it was la Dolce Vita /me doesn't have a gmail account yet *tear My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden. - hugin -[ Parent ]
 teh email: (none / 0) (#75) by LilDebbie on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 04:00:16 PM EST

 almost forgot: sadriaens @ yahoo . com My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden. - hugin -[ Parent ]
 Revision (none / 1) (#78) by LilDebbie on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 04:39:36 PM EST

 There once was a girl named Bonita Who served as my little Lolita I may go to hell She was only twelve But for a while it was la Dolce Vita My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden. - hugin -[ Parent ]
 I liked the previous version better n/t (none / 0) (#119) by tabris on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 02:04:00 PM EST

 [ Parent ]
 What type of lymeric? (2.87 / 8) (#86) by LetterRip2 on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 11:39:54 PM EST

 Okay, here are some somewhat less crude lymerics. Bonita was the young womans name, She really was quite a hot dame, We went out for dinner Then acted like sinners And I yelled out her name when I came. Bonita I love her a lot So sexy and very hot, She makes the nights bright, and incredibly light, like a fire when day it is not. [ Parent ]
 rework of second lymeric (none / 1) (#87) by LetterRip2 on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 11:49:23 PM EST

 Bonita I love her a lot So sexy and very hot, She makes the nights light, and incredibly bright, like a fire when day it is not. [ Parent ]
 My submission (2.85 / 7) (#88) by mutatrope on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 01:41:42 AM EST

 There once was a girl named Bonita the typically shy senorita would offer dessert by hiking her skirt after many a margarita email: mutatrope at yahoo [ Parent ]
 Here goes... (none / 1) (#154) by eejit on Mon Aug 09, 2004 at 04:26:07 AM EST

 There once was a gal called Bonita Whos boyfriend, he liked to eat her Then one sad day He said he was gay And dumped the sad senorita [ Parent ]
 where for art though tumeric (1.63 / 11) (#31) by Fuzzwah on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 01:37:27 AM EST

 as kuros bursts into lymeric i'm reminded of tumeric the king of all trolls rumours he played with dolls seems he got fed up and split -- The best a human can do is to pick a delusion that helps him get through the day. - God's Debris
 My Favourites By Other People (2.75 / 12) (#34) by freestylefiend on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 03:03:07 AM EST

 There once was a fellow named Tate Who went out with a date at 8:08   But I'd hate to relate   What that fellow named Tate And his tete a tete ate at 8:08. by Edward Lear. There was a young man from Kent, Whose dick was so long it was bent.   To save himself trouble,   He'd put it in double, So instead of coming he went. attributed in varoius forms to various people.
 well (2.88 / 18) (#47) by pyramid termite on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 07:29:12 AM EST

 there once was a fella named rusty whose monocle got rather dusty the c m f bunny gave rusty some money and he polished until they got crusty On the Internet, anyone can accuse you of being a dog.
 The Tao says (1.00 / 6) (#48) by The Tao on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 07:51:52 AM EST

 If you can talk about it, it ain't Tao and thus ain't legit. If it has a name, it's just another thing, all the same. Stop wanting stuff; it keeps you from seeing what's real, you'll have to admit. The Tao
 I would like you to know (none / 0) (#58) by GenerationY on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 10:39:39 AM EST

 I have an unused novelty account because of you Mr Tao. Whilst not exactly the same my idea is too close to yours for me to now be able to full it off. Curses! [ Parent ]
 limericks (3.00 / 30) (#51) by komet on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 09:05:03 AM EST

 There was a young man from the border Who had an attention disorder. When he reached the last line He would run out of time And --- There was an old man from Peru whose lim'ricks all looked like Haiku. He Said with a laugh, "I cut them in half. The pay is much better for two." YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME.
 From the fortune files. (3.00 / 5) (#77) by NateTG on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 04:39:08 PM EST

 There was a young man from Peru Whose limericks stopped at line two. There was a young man from Verdun. (And I forget the one about Nero.) [ Parent ]
 Damian's limerick (none / 0) (#183) by ocrow on Sat Aug 21, 2004 at 01:36:41 PM EST

 There once was a poet named Damian Whose limericks never would rhyme They didn't scan particularly well And they didn't have enough lines either [ Parent ]
 not mine... (2.30 / 10) (#52) by codejack on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 09:22:58 AM EST

 A chef's delight is Priscilla Her breath's a distinct Sasparilla One breast tastes of thyme The other of Lime And her vaginal flavor's vanilla There was a man called Nick He had an incredible dick Without fear it would bend He would stand on it's end And say, "It's my own pogo stick" Again, these are not mine. Please read before posting.
 Full limerick about the Bright lady (3.00 / 5) (#53) by rujith on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 09:31:47 AM EST

 Here's the full limerick (got from http://www.angelfire.com/ok/TheDeepSkies/LSTheory1.html): There was a young lady named Bright, Who travelled much faster than light. She set out one day, In a relative way, And returned the previous night. The lady was Bright but not bright, And she joined next day in the flight; So then two made the date, And then four and then eight, And her spouse got a hell of a fright. - Rujith.
 Here's mine!! (1.85 / 7) (#54) by spartaqus on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 09:37:17 AM EST

 There was a diarist on Kuro5hin Who one day had an enormous grin Coz a diary he submitted Accidentally got voted As an op-ed, much to everyone's chagrin
 Not mine (3.00 / 21) (#56) by spartaqus on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 09:46:57 AM EST

 This one won last year's geek limerick contest A programmer started to cuss Because getting to sleep was a fuss As he lay there in bed Looping 'round in his head was: while(!asleep()) sheep++;
 This one was written about me (1.85 / 7) (#57) by LilDebbie on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 09:54:36 AM EST

 [I have strange friends] This math boy stood tall for he was the best Expertise at general, he could not let rest From D X M To the world's end And quite a few young girls he did molest. My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden. - hugin -
 Author of pseudo-relativity limerick (none / 1) (#64) by marinel on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 11:31:58 AM EST

 According to a 20th of July 2000 Newsday page A4 article by Bryn Nelson ("When light is faster than light"), it was Arthur Buller who penned the "young woman named Bright" limerick in 1923. This is pseudo-confirmed by a quick google on Arthur Buller. -- Proud supporter of Students for an Orwellian Society
 Metalimerick (none / 0) (#65) by vyruss on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 11:42:39 AM EST

 There once was a young man named Rusty Whose website had turned rather musty Subscriptions were shut down But that caused a frown So he made all the users again trusty. PRINT CHR$(147)  Shite, forgot to format. Should read: (2.81 / 11) (#66) by vyruss on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 11:43:53 AM EST  There once was a young man named RustyWhose website had turned rather musty Subscriptions were shut downBut that caused a frownSo he made all the users again trusty. PRINT CHR$(147) [ Parent ]
 How about a poem? (1.18 / 22) (#67) by revscat on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 12:18:44 PM EST

 I'm a Bush Republican I got a small schling I like to bomb niggahs and make a lot o' bling I got a bunch o' friends in high up places They helps me get dem government graces. You think I'm smart I just know who's who I couldn't run a fruit stand without the red white & blue I fancy myself A brilliant tactician But neither me nor m'buddies Could even pass basic trainin' See, I'm above all that A fightin' and shootin' I just say "Sic em!" Then run the other direction Don't need no history Don't need no schoolin' I got my ideology To keep me a shootin' If I get caught screwin' Or tellin' wicked lies "Hypocrisy!" I holler And that justifies the crimes Liberals! Faggots! Commies and queers! Socialist hippies Full o' pussy tears! I'll drop some crap about Jesus the Christ You'll buy it all and vote for me twice 'Fact, Jesus is comin'! Real soon, now! So we gotta prop up Israel That ol' sacred cow Propaganda's m'friend But I calls it "fact" Even though I don't read 'Cept for Chick tracts Facts? No! Don't need em here! We're conservatives! We work on FEAR! Don't like what we say? Well FUCK YOU, bud! We'll shove it down yer throat and tell ya it's good! - Rev. Libertarianism is like communism: both look great on paper.
 -1, Not limerick (1.75 / 4) (#72) by CodeWright on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 03:29:21 PM EST

 Don't disagree with your sentiments, but they should have been in limerick form. -- A: Because it destroys the flow of conversation. Q: Why is top posting dumb? --clover_kicker [ Parent ]
 whee (2.68 / 16) (#68) by zenofchai on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 12:57:38 PM EST

 there once was a man from k5 so dumb he was hardly alive his brain was so small he spoke with a drawl: "what happened to comments +5?" -- The K5 Interactive Political Compass SVG Graph
 i was going to joke, but i'll contribute nicely (2.12 / 8) (#70) by circletimessquare on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 02:58:20 PM EST

 Free your body and soul Unfold your powerful wings Climb up the highest mountains Kick your feet up in the air You may now live forever Or return to this earth Unless you feel good where you are http://www.snopes.com/photos/grave.asp The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.
 [Not any more off topic than you] (3.00 / 2) (#81) by misfit13b on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 07:42:48 PM EST

 A college friend of mine wrote a letter to his teacher kindly asking for an extension on a project (that he really didn't expect to get).  The note was three paragraphs long, and the first letter of each line spelled out: You Fat Fuck I don't believe he did get that extension... [ Parent ]
 And now for more dirty Limericks (1.21 / 19) (#71) by Death Denied on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 03:28:40 PM EST

 There once was a man named Enis Who does not belong to our genus   He had so much mass   That his own ass Was fucked by his bended penis There once was a man named Enis Who had a distended penis   That stretched so long   That it's tip could have gone All the way to Venus There once was a vagina Who belonged to a Mina (Minor)   She went to a dark place   But did not take her mace And got fucked all the way to China My ass is not for sale I'm ready to make bail   But you wouldn't listen   Your penis has risen What's it like to fuck a male? I have a sex toy That had belonged to this boy   Whose uncle bested   And then molested And now seems so coy
 Can't we keep children off K5? [nt] (2.25 / 4) (#79) by awgsilyari on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 05:54:36 PM EST

 -------- Please direct SPAM to john@neuralnw.com [ Parent ]
 Probably not. (3.00 / 2) (#82) by bunsen on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 07:46:55 PM EST

 Though we might try to teach them what the hell meter is, and possibly convince them that the word 'penis' is not inherently hilarious. ---Do you want your possessions identified? [ynq] (n)[ Parent ]
 This one sucks (2.60 / 5) (#73) by Herding Cats on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 03:51:16 PM EST

 There once was a fencer named Nash Whose blade was made for the dash.      So he killed off the judge      With a slice and a nudge And quickly made off with the cash. I hate facts. I always say the chief end of man is to form general propositions -- adding that no general proposition is worth a damn. ---Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
 my favorite (3.00 / 3) (#80) by the77x42 on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 07:03:33 PM EST

 "There once was a man fron Nantucket, Whose --" [smashes into a wall] "We're not here to educate. We're here to point and laugh." - creature "You have some pretty stupid ideas." - indubitable ‮
 chappaquiddick (none / 2) (#102) by isham on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 09:18:37 AM EST

 > "There once was a man fron Nantucket, Whose --"[smashes into a wall] Shouldn't that be: [drives off a bridge] ??? [ Parent ]
 no, homer does a cartwheel and hits a wall [nt] (none / 1) (#143) by the77x42 on Sat Aug 07, 2004 at 01:48:40 PM EST

 "We're not here to educate. We're here to point and laugh." - creature "You have some pretty stupid ideas." - indubitable ‮ [ Parent ]
 meh (3.00 / 17) (#83) by urdine on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 10:43:09 PM EST

 There once was a frog from a bog. Who thought he'd start up a blog. He wrote of his life, And lack of a wife— He STILL has no one to snog.
 I think it flows better (none / 1) (#115) by wurp on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 12:39:26 PM EST

 and still he has no one to snog. --- Buy my stuff[ Parent ]
 Ends with... (none / 0) (#145) by ChaosEmer on Sat Aug 07, 2004 at 08:54:56 PM EST

 My god! [ Parent ]
 Rock and Roll! (2.66 / 6) (#84) by MichaelCrawford on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 10:44:44 PM EST

 I'm quite stoked this made front page. Thanks to all the moderators for your support. It's been a long time since I've published anything here. Too long. I've been pretty out of it for a while but things are getting better. I have a work in progress I'd like to submit someday but I've left it sit for several months so I could become more of an expert on the subject. There was a mad writer named Mike Who liked to ride on his bike He rode up a hill and pedaled until The world was more to his like. -- Live your fucking life. Sue someone on the Internet. Write a fucking music player. Like the great man Michael David Crawford has shown us all: Hard work, a strong will to stalk, and a few fries short of a happy meal goes a long way. -- bride of spidy
 it works better.... (none / 0) (#137) by Wah on Sat Aug 07, 2004 at 01:30:36 AM EST

 ...if you take out the 'mad'. Same goes for your other one, but I haven't read it all yet, so maybe you covered that. -- umm, holding, holding... [ Parent ]
 more risque limericks (2.63 / 11) (#85) by mimeInDarkness on Thu Aug 05, 2004 at 11:02:49 PM EST

 There once was a bishop from Birmingham Who buggered three maids while confirming 'em While praying to god He excited his rod And pumped his Episcopal sperm in 'em There once was a girl from Hoboken Who claimed that her cherry was broken From riding a bike On a cobblestone pike But it really was broken from pokin' There once was a fellow from Eeling Who pounded his pud with great feeling Then like a trout He'd stick his tongue out And wait for the drops from the ceiling -- -- Homeland Security: Sed quis custodiet ipsos Custodes?
 Dirty limericks (none / 1) (#97) by Ig0r on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 07:30:59 AM EST

 Have you ever read the Limericks book that is hundreds of pages of dirty limericks like the ones you've posted? [ Parent ]
 History of the Republican party (2.16 / 12) (#89) by bankind on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 01:44:48 AM EST

 A balanced budget was the GOP's mission Sound policy advice from statisticians Then Bush went to war The deficit soared Now the party is all fucking Christians "Insurgents are blowing up pipelines and police stations, geysers of sewage are erupting from the streets, and the electricity is off most of the time -- but we've given Iraq the gift of supply-side economics." -Krugman
 Picked this up in elementary school: (2.66 / 6) (#90) by Empedocles on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 03:23:22 AM EST

 I raised a great hullabaloo When I found a large mouse in my stew. Said the waiter, "Don't shout Or wave it about, Or the rest will be wanting one too!" --- And I think it's gonna be a long long time 'Till touch down brings me 'round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home
 An Unlikely One from Robert Frost (2.90 / 11) (#91) by blueuna on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 03:30:26 AM EST

 For travelers going sidereal The danger they say is bacterial On Mars or on Saturn I know not the pattern But on Venus it's surely venereal
 a limerickean ode (3.00 / 7) (#96) by milksop on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 04:47:07 AM EST

 To search for words rhymed with enough, will make your poor mind turn to dough. So throw down a pint, then pop in a mint, and with English onward stubbornly plough. -- i make games.
 Aha! (3.00 / 6) (#128) by RadiantMatrix on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 03:36:39 PM EST

 There's plenty to rhyme with 'enough', your skills are just not up to snuff your meter is fine, exact to the line, you should really write more of this stuff. "In any sufficiently large group of people, most are idiots" - Kaa's Law[ Parent ]
 My contribution (2.85 / 7) (#99) by brain in a jar on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 07:54:28 AM EST

 There was a young lady called Lisa, Who could find no man to please her, Her husband had promised, A godly John-Thomas, But it was clear in the end, He'd decieved her. It was on account of the size of her beaver, That most men could only tease her, In search of more force, She wedded a horse, And the beast it damn nearly cleaved her. "The ships hung in the air the way that bricks don't." Douglas Adams.
 My favourite (2.16 / 6) (#100) by mydigitalself on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 08:48:10 AM EST

 There once was a man from Culcutta who was forced to sleep in the gutter. The tropical sun burned a hole in his bum and melted his balls to butter.
 meters better with British slang: (none / 1) (#153) by Russell Dovey on Mon Aug 09, 2004 at 03:14:07 AM EST

 and melted his bollocks to butter. an international variant could involve testes. "Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light." - Spike Milligan[ Parent ]
 hello (2.72 / 11) (#101) by noogie on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 08:57:07 AM EST

 i cant believe something this shite got voted up on this site just goes to show what we already know on decent submission, we're light ROR! *** ANONYMIZED BY THE EVIL KUROFIVEHIN MILITARY JUNTA ***
 ROR. (2.80 / 21) (#106) by pb on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 09:54:50 AM EST

 ROR LOL ROFL ROR LOFL ROR, WTF OMG And some more. Incoherent at best, we're put to the test, when WTF is this shit for. --- "See what the drooling, ravening, flesh-eating hordes^W^W^W^WKuro5hin.org readers have to say." -- pwhysall[ Parent ]
 damn you chemistry (1.50 / 4) (#103) by apathetic on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 09:29:22 AM EST

 little johnny drank a drink but he will drink no more for what he thought was H_2 O was H_2 SO_4
 correction (albeit from my memory) (none / 2) (#121) by tabris on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 02:15:36 PM EST

 little johnny drank a drink but he will drink a drink no more for what he thought was H_2 O was H_2 SO_4 [ Parent ]
 I heard it as: (none / 0) (#157) by gidds on Mon Aug 09, 2004 at 09:56:25 AM EST

 Poor old Brown is dead and gone,   His face you'll see no more; For what he thought was H2O   Was H2SO4. Andy/[ Parent ]
 Way I heard it (none / 0) (#165) by curien on Tue Aug 10, 2004 at 10:39:08 PM EST

 Johnny studied chemistry but Johnny ain't no more 'cause what he thought was H2O Was H2SO4 -- This sig is umop apisdn.[ Parent ]
 Another cautionary tale (none / 0) (#171) by scorchio on Wed Aug 11, 2004 at 10:24:53 AM EST

 Little Willie, from the mirror, Licked the mercury clean off, For he thought in childish error, It would cure the whooping cough. At the funeral his mother, Turned and said to Mrs. Brown, It was a chilly day for Willie, When the mercury went down! [ Parent ]
 An epitaph (3.00 / 2) (#172) by gidds on Wed Aug 11, 2004 at 10:40:40 AM EST

 Here lies John Bunn.     He was killed by a gun. His name was not Bunn but Wood,     But Wood would not rhyme with gun,     But Bunn would. Oh, and getting back to limericks: There was a young lady from Ryde Who ate some green apples and died,     The apples, fermented     Inside the lamented, Made cider inside 'er inside. And There was a young lad of St Just Who ate apple pie till he bust     It wasn't the fru-it     That caused him to do it; What finished him off was the crust! Andy/[ Parent ]
 How about the classics? (3.00 / 11) (#104) by bakuretsu on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 09:34:30 AM EST

 A man who lived out by the pass Had balls that were made out of brass When he banged 'em together It made stormy weather And lightning shot out of his ass! -- Airborne     aka Bakuretsu     The Bailiwick -- DESIGNHUB 2004
 Attempt at a Bush limerick... (2.33 / 9) (#105) by fauxpas on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 09:47:07 AM EST

 A man named Bush took us to war with Iraq, for to settle a score sold it to Halliburton now people are hurtin and nobody knows just what for.
 My all-time favorite (2.95 / 23) (#107) by Eddie the Jedi on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 10:06:24 AM EST

 There was a young poet named Dan Whose limericks just wouldn't scan.      When told this was so,      He replied, "Yes, I know, My problem is that I always try to cram as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can."
 AWESOME (2.00 / 3) (#110) by sethadam1 on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 11:49:28 AM EST

 That's the funniest goddamned limerick I've ever read. [ Parent ]
 SCO... (2.80 / 5) (#108) by mehaiku on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 10:14:25 AM EST

 Darl has but one innovation Ill conceived litigation It's a shame he cant find Work made for his kind But who'd pay him for masturbation? If this looks familiar to anyone, I posted it previously on slashdot in February. A much longer SCO limerick can be found here as well: More SCO Limericks I had been lurking on this site for sometime now, but had to create an account for this story, so this is my first post.
 Welcome! (none / 2) (#116) by MichaelCrawford on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 01:11:07 PM EST

 I'm very proud my article convinced you to de-lurk. I like it when that happens. -- Live your fucking life. Sue someone on the Internet. Write a fucking music player. Like the great man Michael David Crawford has shown us all: Hard work, a strong will to stalk, and a few fries short of a happy meal goes a long way. -- bride of spidy[ Parent ]
 edits (none / 1) (#117) by zenofchai on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 01:15:11 PM EST

 2nd line doesn't have the right beat: try "His ill-conceived litigation". Also, the last line just doesn't sit quite right in the beat -- you're forcing the reader to read in a cramped way instead of finding a way to let the word come out naturally -- putting the emphasis on the wrong syllable. But I guess that's tough to put too many 4-syllable words into a lymerick. -- The K5 Interactive Political Compass SVG Graph[ Parent ]
 Author of Relativity Limerick (none / 1) (#109) by porkchop_d_clown on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 10:23:58 AM EST

 I'm pretty sure the author of that limerick was Isaac Asimov. He was famous for whipping out limericks at the spur of the moment. Could be worse. Could be raining!
 also... (none / 0) (#187) by Hillgiant on Fri Aug 27, 2004 at 06:24:01 PM EST

 For what it is worth, it is also featured in an alphaville song. ----- "It is impossible to say what I mean." -johnny[ Parent ]
 A few funny ones (2.60 / 5) (#111) by sethadam1 on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 12:07:58 PM EST

 These two aren't mine, but are great ones: There once was a fellow named Cager, who as a result of a wager had offered to fart the whole oboe part of Mozart's "Quartet in F Major." There once a man from Madras Whose balls were contructed of brass he clanked them together in dark stormy weather and lightening shot out of his ass This one is mine: A man from Darjeeling named Jude, Humped a blow up doll when in the mood His Mom entered his room, as he pumped the balloon, and discovered that it was a dude
 Another, source unknown. (none / 3) (#112) by Squidy on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 12:11:43 PM EST

 Not my own, and I cannot remember where I heard it from, but one of my favorites: There once was a vampire named mable Whose periods were really quite stable And every full moon She'd get out a spoon And drink herself under the table
 Correction... (3.00 / 7) (#113) by Squidy on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 12:13:27 PM EST

 Sorry, that's: There once was a vampire named mable Whose periods were really quite stable And every full moon She'd get out a spoon And drink herself under the table.
 Breen (3.00 / 11) (#114) by jasha on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 12:17:19 PM EST

 There was a young man from Breen who invented a sexual machine.   Both concave and convex,   It could please either sex, And had settings for those in between! (Author unknown).
 last line (none / 1) (#151) by polyglot on Sun Aug 08, 2004 at 09:42:07 PM EST

 but oh, what a bastard to clean! -- "There is no God and Dirac is his prophet"      -- Wolfgang Pauli ‮־[ Parent ]
 From fortune: (2.90 / 11) (#118) by Sgt York on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 01:50:07 PM EST

 The once was a man from Australia Who went on a wild bacchanalia He buggered a frog, Two mice, and a dog, And a bishop in fullest regalia
 Limeraiku (3.00 / 4) (#120) by skrjablin on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 02:10:52 PM EST

 A genre that I made up, for the challenged. Rules: 17 syllables, rhyme scheme AABBA, first line introducing a person and a place, last line funny, and perhaps the whole thing should have some sort of reference to a season, too. Rainer from Spain was hit by a train: he broke, choke, and stayed in the plane. Liz, Mississippi ("Mrs Peace Hippie") moaned stoned "Geez, this is trippy!" I made up more of these once but I can't remember them right now.
 More Limeraiki (none / 0) (#122) by skrjablin on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 02:52:06 PM EST

 Dana from Denmark, doing a man, Mark, screamed steamed "Do me again, Mark!" Gil, Portugal: "How me comfort you, girl?" "Kneel Gil! I'm the Torture Girl!" [ Parent ]
 To whoever invented the Haiku (none / 0) (#126) by sab39 on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 03:30:41 PM EST

 To whoever invented the Haiku With a two-by-four I'd like to strike you 'Cos now every nerd With a seasonal word Is five-seven-fiving just like you! -- "Forty-two" -- Deep Thought "Quinze" -- Amélie[ Parent ]
 Oops, reformatted (none / 1) (#127) by sab39 on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 03:31:45 PM EST

 To whoever invented the Haiku With a two-by-four I'd like to strike you 'Cos now every nerd With a seasonal word Is five-seven-fiving just like you! -- "Forty-two" -- Deep Thought "Quinze" -- Amélie[ Parent ]
 From Slaughterhouse-Five (none / 2) (#123) by ThymePuns on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 03:13:54 PM EST

 There was a young man from Stamboul Who solilouized thus to his tool: "You took all my wealth And you ruined my health, And now you won't pee, you old fool."
 and formatted... (none / 2) (#124) by ThymePuns on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 03:15:31 PM EST

 There was a young man from Stamboul Who solilouized thus to his tool: "You took all my wealth And you ruined my health, And now you won't pee, you old fool." [ Parent ]
 One I think i remeber right (none / 2) (#130) by haplopeart on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 04:15:01 PM EST

 There once was a boy his name Todd His body shape most thought was quite odd      most would would call dickhead      Name true true most had said cause you see his body was shaped just like his rod Bill "Haplo Peart" Dunn Administrator Epithna.com http://www.epithna.com
 the famous ST:TNG incomplete one... (2.33 / 3) (#131) by haplopeart on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 04:17:45 PM EST

 There once was a woman from Venus Who's body was shaped like a ... Data got cut off at this point Tis ok cause we this for sure That the very next word was Penis. Bill "Haplo Peart" Dunn Administrator Epithna.com http://www.epithna.com
 Oh a NEW limerick... (3.00 / 13) (#132) by mcgrew on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 07:31:34 PM EST

 There once was a writer named Craword Whose prose, now a legend, was proffered "The que has run dry" "So there's no need to try" "These fools all will take what is offered!" "The entire neocon movement is dedicated to revoking mcgrew's posting priviliges. This is why we went to war with Iraq." -LilDebbie
 One I made when I was at college (2.77 / 9) (#133) by holdfast on Fri Aug 06, 2004 at 07:36:47 PM EST

 This is the tale of a student Who went out and did things that you shouldn't He got very drunk Tried to beat up a punk But unfortunately found that he couldn't Next day he woke up in the clink His eyes were a cute shade of pink The pains in his head Made him wish he was dead And then he threw up in the sink When released, he returned to his home The night streets no longer to roam He tried to be good Like his mum said he should And stayed in and got drunk on his own "Holy war is an oxymoron." Lazarus Long
 There once was a girl of Coleshill (2.90 / 11) (#136) by ELP Fucking Rules on Sat Aug 07, 2004 at 01:29:38 AM EST

 Who tried a dynamite stick for a thrill They found her vagina In North Carolina And bits of her tits in Brazil. I may disagree with what you have to say but I'll kill you for my right to say that.
 Fine, fine. (2.55 / 9) (#138) by kitten on Sat Aug 07, 2004 at 02:07:51 AM EST

 There once was a girl from the sticks Who liked to compose limericks But she failed at the sport Cause she wrote them too short. mirrorshades radio - darkwave, synthpop, industrial, futurepop.
 Conversely (2.75 / 4) (#150) by synaesthesia on Sun Aug 08, 2004 at 07:47:00 PM EST

 There was a young woman named Jenny, Whose limericks weren't worth a penny. Her rhythm and rhyme Were perfectly fine But whenever she tried to write any, She always had one line too many. Not sure who wrote that one. Sausages or cheese?[ Parent ]
 This one is from Slashdot. (2.50 / 6) (#139) by i on Sat Aug 07, 2004 at 04:00:02 AM EST

 There once was a hacker from Haifa Who wrote generator of haiku. But an error he made, And the program instead Generates bad limericks. Gosh, how come? —and we have a contradicton according to our assumptions and the factor theorem
 [no content] (2.62 / 8) (#140) by Dont Fear The Reaper on Sat Aug 07, 2004 at 11:43:50 AM EST

 this limerick is quite without wit in fact, it's totally shit but your boredom's inspiring and your taste is quite frightening so in kind I thusly submit
 A quick freestlye by K5's best (2.00 / 6) (#141) by Nigga on Sat Aug 07, 2004 at 12:07:37 PM EST

 There once was a bitch named Suzie Who couldn't stuff enough cocks in her coochie    So she set out to sale    To find a blue whale And a dork with which to make woopie -Nigga -------- The fuck happened to Nigga?
 Ugh. (none / 1) (#142) by bakuretsu on Sat Aug 07, 2004 at 01:46:14 PM EST

 Set out to sail A dork with whom to make whoopie -- Airborne     aka Bakuretsu     The Bailiwick -- DESIGNHUB 2004[ Parent ]
 got me on sail (3.00 / 4) (#144) by Nigga on Sat Aug 07, 2004 at 03:29:06 PM EST

 but dork here is used in its original meaning of a male whale reproductive organ. -------- The fuck happened to Nigga?[ Parent ]
 Whoops. (none / 0) (#175) by bakuretsu on Wed Aug 11, 2004 at 10:15:20 PM EST

 I'm not enough of a mariner, apparently! "Go suck a dork" just took on new meaning. -- Airborne     aka Bakuretsu     The Bailiwick -- DESIGNHUB 2004[ Parent ]
 For those who know LaTeX (2.83 / 6) (#146) by Coryoth on Sun Aug 08, 2004 at 02:47:24 AM EST

 (\int_0^3 \sqrt{t} dt)\times\cos(\frac{3\pi}{9}) = \sqrt{3} Comes out to: The integral from nought to three Of the square root of tee dee tee Times the cosine Of three pi over nine Is equal to the square root of three (Yes, I am a math geek.  Sorry) Jedidiah.
 A slightly different variation (none / 1) (#168) by curunir on Wed Aug 11, 2004 at 01:22:32 AM EST

 I've heard it as... The integral of z squared d z From one to the cube root of three Times the cosine Of three pi over nine Equals log of the cube root of e (no latex fu here, but hopefully this will do) [ Parent ]
 Turkey (2.33 / 6) (#147) by vyruss on Sun Aug 08, 2004 at 02:09:06 PM EST

 There once was a young man from Turkey Who occasionaly drank some Wild Turkey But he overdid it Drank more than he needed And he had to quit it cold turkey PRINT CHR\$(147)
 hangman (3.00 / 3) (#148) by mneptok on Sun Aug 08, 2004 at 05:22:40 PM EST

 An art buff from London named Snow When accosted a forthnight ago Was heard to have quipped As the flasher unzipped "Your exhibit's well-hung, sir. Good show!" ./k -- non universim sed singulatem fretus
 Cross fertilization (!PC) (2.00 / 8) (#149) by raga on Sun Aug 08, 2004 at 07:41:18 PM EST

 There was a young woman named Starkie Who had an affair with a darkie The result of her sins Were quadruplets, not twins One white, one brown and two khaki --anon
 Ogden Nash (none / 2) (#152) by epepke on Mon Aug 09, 2004 at 02:36:09 AM EST

 What a wonderful bird is the pelican! His beak holds much more than his belly can. He stores in his beak Enough food for a week I sometimes don't know how the hell he can. The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.--Terry Pratchett
 Another maths limerick (2.75 / 4) (#155) by creature on Mon Aug 09, 2004 at 06:56:02 AM EST

 One from my school days: 'Tis a favourite pastime of mine, A new value of pi to assign. I would fix it at three, For it's simpler, you see, than 3.14159.
 A neat triplet from "fortune". (none / 1) (#156) by creature on Mon Aug 09, 2004 at 07:01:26 AM EST

 This fortune crossed my screen on login the other day, and I thought it was quite neat: There was a young man from LeDoux, Whose limericks stopped at line two. There was a young man from Verdunne.         [Actually, there are three limericks in this series, the third one          is about some guy named Nero.  If anyone has a copy of it, please          mail it to "fortune".  Ed.]
 some limericks (none / 1) (#158) by JyZude on Mon Aug 09, 2004 at 09:41:23 PM EST

 From opensourcepoetry.org (none / 0) (#159) by hovil on Tue Aug 10, 2004 at 03:55:37 AM EST

 There once was a fat admin called lilo who lived in a unused missle silo he talked about crap on O.P.N. and came across with an I.Q. of 10 He begs in the street but still feels elite that stinky fat admin called lilo
 My Fav Limerick ! (none / 0) (#160) by thePoster on Tue Aug 10, 2004 at 04:53:48 AM EST

 There once was a girl from Madras, Who had a very fine ass ! It was'nt round and pink as you bastards might think !! It had 4 legs, a tail and ate grass. snigger snigger.
 All my own work.. (none / 0) (#161) by wraith0x29a on Tue Aug 10, 2004 at 09:55:52 AM EST

 There once was a site called slashdot, where the literate posted a lot, but in these troubled times, someone asked for some rhymes, and now look at what we have got. "There are actually 11 kinds of people in the world: Those who don't understand binary, those who think they understand binary and those who know what little-endian means."
 Oops - It's been a long day.. (3.00 / 2) (#162) by wraith0x29a on Tue Aug 10, 2004 at 10:19:44 AM EST

 A young man who should be in bed, wrote rhymes about slashdot instead, but this was a sin, he was on Kuro5hin, so he felt like a total dickhead. "There are actually 11 kinds of people in the world: Those who don't understand binary, those who think they understand binary and those who know what little-endian means."[ Parent ]
 Yay nerdy physics limerick (none / 0) (#163) by BobTheMighty on Tue Aug 10, 2004 at 01:16:06 PM EST

 There once was a racer named Fisk Who took a considerable risk When his dragster got traction The Fitzgerald contraction Reduced his wazoo to a disc Not original, I'm afraid, but amusing for those who get it ^_^ - I'll try not to confuse you more than absolutely necessary
 Yet another limerick (3.00 / 2) (#164) by Veloso on Tue Aug 10, 2004 at 02:13:21 PM EST

 There once was a poet named Lenny Whose limericks weren't worth a penny Though the meter was good And they rhymed like they should Whenever he tried to write any He always wrote one line too many
 Oh, what the hell (none / 0) (#166) by curien on Tue Aug 10, 2004 at 10:58:32 PM EST

 A healthy one... (none / 0) (#167) by knickknack on Wed Aug 11, 2004 at 12:01:52 AM EST

 There once was a health nut from Leeds Who ate nothing but wheat grass and seeds He fell down a well Yelling, "Oh, what the hell, I could have just ate what I pleased!" -------------------- Vaguely recollected from a book...
 Two nice ones (none / 1) (#169) by scorchio on Wed Aug 11, 2004 at 07:28:42 AM EST

 As Titian was mixing rose-madder His model posed nude on a ladder Her position, to Titian Sugggested coition So he ran up the ladder and had her And... There was a young student at John's Who wanted to bugger the swans "Pray sir," said the porter "please take my daughter, "the swans are reserved for the dons."
 Lawyerly one (none / 0) (#170) by scorchio on Wed Aug 11, 2004 at 07:32:20 AM EST

 There was a young lawyer named Rex, Who had a diminutive organ of sex, Charged with indecent exposure, He replied with composure, de minimus non curat lex!
 Biscuit (none / 0) (#173) by squee on Wed Aug 11, 2004 at 03:10:26 PM EST

 There was a young man named Paul who went to a fancy-dress ball he decided to risk it and went as a biscuit but a dog ate him up in the hall
 Sparta (none / 0) (#174) by squee on Wed Aug 11, 2004 at 03:12:02 PM EST

 There was once a man from Sparta who was a truly magnificent farter on the stenght of one bean he'd fart God Save the Queen and Beethovens Moonlight Sonata I'll leave the Limericks about the man from Nantucket to others.
 OoOoO (none / 0) (#176) by andr0meda on Fri Aug 13, 2004 at 04:27:48 AM EST

 Brace yourselves for tonight, Something spectacular is about to start, It's the olympics games, Where honour and fame, Are for those who can win our hearts. Do not be afraid of the void my friend, is it not merely the logical next step?
 Some new Nethack Limericks (none / 1) (#177) by djabji on Fri Aug 13, 2004 at 05:03:08 AM EST

 There once was a wizard from Yendor Whose Jewels were so full of splendor To a young Valkyrie "Fetch" was Oden's decree But Mjollnir, he would not lend her A girl, once from Valhalla Was fighting some orcs in a hall, ja? Her hitpoints were low She had no place to go So she prayed till her stomache was full, ja?
 Street Limmericks (none / 0) (#178) by joemorse on Fri Aug 13, 2004 at 10:52:31 AM EST

 I submitted this as part of an assignment in a high school creative writing class once. The project actually got me a good grade :) Red was a ho on the street Ten bucks and you could feel her heat Any time, any place She'd sit on your face A cheap lay...and something to eat Now let's you just drop them pants!        -Don Job, from Deliverance
 !:o (none / 0) (#180) by efinkelnburg on Mon Aug 16, 2004 at 02:33:10 AM EST

 there once was a lady named lenore who'd lie on a rug on the floor in a way so uncanny she'd wiggle her fanny and drain your balls dry to the core.
 A couple of faves (none / 0) (#181) by werner on Mon Aug 16, 2004 at 08:56:21 AM EST

 There once was a plumber named Lee Who was plumbing his girl by the sea She said, "Stop your plumbing, "I think someone's coming" Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me!" There was a young man from Eau Claire Who was enjoying his girl on the stair On the forty-fourth stroke The bannister broke So he finished her off in mid-air And one I penned myself: There was a young lady from China With a lighthouse stuck up her vagina All through the night It shone through her tights It was very easy to find her
 ./a.out (none / 1) (#182) by pizzza on Tue Aug 17, 2004 at 08:07:38 PM EST

 /* int main paren int argc comma char pointer pointer argv paren curly printf paren quote weeee backslash n quote paren semi return zero semi curly */ -- parseerror.com
 Winner (none / 0) (#184) by BobTheMighty on Sat Aug 21, 2004 at 02:22:20 PM EST

 The best one ever - I'll try not to confuse you more than absolutely necessary[ Parent ]
 Lets see if you like this..... (none / 1) (#185) by psehgal on Tue Aug 24, 2004 at 01:03:44 AM EST

 There was a man called Dave Who kept a dead whore in a cave He said "I admit I am a bit of a shit But think of the money I save
 Vital Truncation... (none / 0) (#186) by neurothing on Wed Aug 25, 2004 at 06:32:41 PM EST

 A young time traveller named Brist Went through time with a flick of his wrist Without any bother He killed his grandfather And found that he didn't exi But in the mud and scum of things There always, always something sings --Ralph Waldo Emerson
 Meta-Limerick (none / 1) (#188) by cbm on Sat Aug 28, 2004 at 04:11:53 PM EST

 A light-hearted doggerel verse Whose second line rhymes with the first The third and the fourth are much shorter, of course and the fifth line is always the worst [I've seen this attributed to Mike Farren.]
 Limerick for a delicate subject (none / 0) (#189) by asetnil on Fri May 13, 2005 at 12:44:43 AM EST

 You might find the author of 'the lady named Bright' in Martin Gardner's 'Relativity for the million', that is where I encountered the limerick. Perhaps the biggest boost to the limerick in modern times was the delicate subject of John Bobbit's...loss. Nice slice said her friends at the bar He's not fit for feathers and tar Sweet dear if you fear it By all means shear it But don't throw trash from your car Of his conquests how proudly he'd sing Lucky ladies, that sort of thing But John wasn't stag Twas his wife heard the brag So she sent him on one final fling
 The Great K5 Limerick Contest | 189 comments (177 topical, 12 editorial, 0 hidden)
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