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10,001 Chalmatians

By localroger in Culture
Sat Nov 19, 2005 at 09:58:40 AM EST
Tags: Culture (all tags)
Culture

I find it a convenient shorthand to tell people I live in New Orleans, but since 1992 I've actually lived in the nearby bedroom community of Mandeville. As many people who actually do live in New Orleans will tell you, though, Mandeville isn't New Orleans. It isn't even close, no matter how easy it is to drive here from there.

The movies would have you think the culture of New Orleans is Cajun French, but that's not so. Cajun culture is centered almost 150 miles from here, in the Acadian parishes surrounding the city of Lafayette. If you want a culture that belongs uniquely to New Orleans, you'd find it in Chalmette and the Ninth Ward, where the language, food, and customs are like no place else on Earth.


If you leave downtown New Orleans paralleling the east bank of the Mississippi River downstream, you will pass through the Ninth Ward into the city of Chalmette in St. Bernard Parish. Past the closed aluminum plant and the working oil refinery, you'll eventually reach the fishing camps and odd shrimp plant that always seem to be within sight of the end of the road -- after it's turned to gravel.

The people of Chalmette are sometimes called "yats," from their habit of using the greeting "Where y'at?" in place of "Hello." Some people hate the term Yat, considering it derogatory. But others proudly claim it as their legacy. Yat culture is earthy, practical, and entirely based on a Chalmette-centric map of the observable universe. In Yat-speak St. Bernard Parish is simply "da parish," as in "Oh I'm headin down to da Parish to make some growtrees." Orleans parish is "into town," and everything else is either "across da river" or "across da lake." Chicago, for example, being generally north of here, would be across da lake.

In the 1930's two bridges were built to the east of New Orleans, one completing US highway 90 across the Rigolets, and one joining US highway 11 to 90 across the open water from Slidell. The highway 11 bridge was at the time the world's longest continuous span over water, a title it kept until 1956, and it was instantly dubbed the "five mile bridge" after its length.

In the 1960's Interstate 10 came through, and a second five mile span was built almost parallel to the highway 11 span; the two bridges meet at the New Orleans side of the lake, but they diverge so that the newer bridge can catch the interstate coming in from the Mississippi Gulf coast. People immediately adopted the habit of calling this new bridge the Five Mile Bridge too. This caused confusion, though, so eventually a new nick was developed. Highway 11 was just two lanes, one in each direction, but the I-10 bridge had a separate multi-lane span in each direction. The Twin Span it became.

The I-10 also required an elevated bridge west of the city, linking Kenner to LaPlace over the Bonnet Carre Spillway. This bridge also has two spans but it's never called the Twin Span or referred to by its length of around 11 miles. It's just "the I-10 bridge." It doesn't need a more specific name even though there are two I-10 bridges because, well, if you were talking about the one in the east you'd call it the Twin Span.

In order to get to the Five Mile Bridges from Chalmette you either have to backtrack into town or take Paris Road (part of which is now I-510) north through the swamp to New Orleans East. Where Paris Road crosses the Intracoastal Waterway there is a pretty tall bridge which was painted dark green until about 25 years ago. Needless to say, the fact that they painted it brown around 1980 hasn't stopped people from calling it the Green Bridge.

In 1956 a toll bridge was built linking the western suburb of Metairie to the north shore town of Mandeville, 24 miles right across the widest section of Lake Pontchartrain. That in itself is a typically Louisiana thing; if it's not worth doing the hardest way possible, why bother? The Lake Pontchartrain Causeway wasn't actually part of any highway system so it became simply "the Causeway." Now both of the I-10 bridges and the highway 11 bridge are also causeways by the dictionary definition of the term, but the only Causeway bridge in Yat-speak is the one between Metairie and Mandeville, just as the only Twin Span is I-10 to Slidell.

Oh, and while we're at it Lake Pontchartrain isn't even really a lake. Since its waters communicate with the Gulf of Mexico through the Rigolets, it's actually the world's largest salt water estuary. But here it's just "the lake." If anyone speaks of The Lake it's never those other non-lakes Maurepas or Borgnes or any of the many other real lakes in the area. After all, none of them have four of the longest bridges in the world spanning them.

Perhaps in the spirit of keeping the name afloat you do sometimes hear it the other way around, as "the Pontchartrain." Kind of the way Californians refer to Interstate 5 as "the five," although a yat would never say "the ten" for I-10.

So you see, what we have here is a culture which speaks a dialect of English where many words don't mean what outsiders would normally think they mean even when they are printed on millions of maps.

In New Orleans, the grassy strip of land in the middle of a divided highway is the "neutral ground." If you call it the "median" you might as well put a sticker on your forehead that says OUTSIDER. (FYI the reason the ground in the middle of a road is considered neutral is that duelers often used such grounds to settle their differences, such public land favoring neither contestant.)

---

Starting at the New Orleans airport which isn't actually in New Orleans but far to the west in the alien wasteland of Kenner, you can cut over from Airline Highway down Williams Boulevard to Kenner's slightly laughable historic district and catch Jefferson Highway toward town. Jefferson Highway passes out of Kenner into the city of Harahan, and then into unincorporated Jefferson Parish, within blocks of the place where I work, all the way to the Jefferson/Orleans line. Just before you reach the parish line you'll pass the intersection of Jefferson (highway) and Claiborne (street).

In Orleans Parish the road you're on becomes Claiborne Avenue, and if you drive just a little further you will reach an intersection with Jefferson Boulevard. Confused yet? I haven't even gotten to the systems of three streets all at right angles with one another.

You can follow Claiborne all the way through town; it runs just north of the French Quarter and for a couple of miles it parallels I-10, actually running underneath the elevated expressway. (Long ago, there was a beautiful library on Claiborne Avenue which was demolished to make way for the I-10, and you can still find locals who are pissed off about that.) Once it parts ways with the Interstate, which nudges north to ultimately end up in Slidell, Claiborne follows the river past rows of historic but somewhat questionable urban housing.

Past a large draw bridge over the Industrial Canal the road dips into the Ninth Ward just a few blocks from my high school alma mater. Further on it passes the Jackson Barracks and enters St. Bernard Parish and the incorporated city of Chalmette, where it undergoes another name change to become Judge Perez Drive.

In Chalmette Judge Perez Drive is THAT ROAD. On the other side of town, in Metairie, it's Veterans Memorial Blvd. In Jackson MS, where I first evacuated for Katrina, it's County Line Road. In Knoxville TN, where I evacuated after 95% of Mississippi lost power and Jackson kicked me out, it's Kingston Pike. It's the road with the Super Wal-Mart, the Home Depot a block from Lowe's, the fast-food strip with everything from KFC to Burger King to McD's to Rally's, and all the littler businesses that always follow them. When you find THAT ROAD it doesn't really matter what city you're in because you will be able to find anything you need, as long as it's what every other city in the USA also has.

People who are actually from Chalmette do visit Judge Perez Drive, because they love Wal-Mart and Home Depot, but they don't eat there. The true Chalmatian (another derogatory to some / prideful to others term) might be tempted by the KFC buffet but only if the real food were not so convenient. Those who know better go to Rocky and Carlos, a local diner on St. Bernard Highway that has been serving up voluminous hot plate dinners at dirt-cheap prices since a long time before I was born. As you slide your plastic tray down the short cafeteria-like ordering line, generous ladles dip into huge steaming trays of lasagna, pasta, rice and potatoes, butter-drowned corn, and whatever other specialties mark the day and pile your plate up until you can barely convey it to your plastic tray without stuff falling off. By the cashier you draw yourself a draft Barq's and pay something like five bucks for way more food than any normal person can eat.

And while the sanitary measures are, well, let's not go there (they did have a little salmonella problem a couple of years back but their customers forgave them, like you're not gonna start going to fricken McDonald's) this being Louisiana the startling thing is that this food is good. It's not Antoine's but it is also a light year beyond the slop shop in Pennsylvania that has never heard of salt. These guys have actually heard of seasonings and when they fry things they are crisp.

While dining at Rocky's if you indulge in the ancient art of eavesdropping on other peoples' conversations you will quickly realize that you are not in Kansas, or Pennsylvania, or even Mandeville, or any other place where people speak a recognizable form of English:

"Anyways, once I got dis here bobo cleanin out da reacta in dis chawmuh in personnel decided herself dat I should be doin something a bit less challengin, so now I'm racin fawklifts down in shippin."

"F'sure, I was goan ta pass by da Schweggies* ta make some growtrees but ma liva ain't what it used ta be an I got stuck on da turlet til I had ta run just ta catch ya mamma b'fo she gave up an catched da bus."

"Hawt, I just cannot be-LEEEEEVE how much ya grown since I last saw ya, must be six whole weeks now if it ain't been a day."

* Schwegmann's Giant Super Markets have been out of business for a decade, but locals still call whatever large supermarket is most convenient "da Schweggies." I have even heard Chalmatians use this term to refer to a Super Wal-Mart.

---

Good cheap food at funky local places is a New Orleans legacy. Back out of da Parish, in Gentilly, there is a little poboy shop* called Nobody Waits on Louisa Street, just south of the I-10, right across Louisa from what used to be the Desire Housing Project. Built into a nondescript converted residential house, Nobody Waits has no dining area so you have to eat in your car but OMFG is it ever worth it. For a few dollars you get a sandwich so overstuffed you can have a second course from the stuff that drops onto the waxed paper while you're valiantly eating it, served up like most sandwich shops here on real New Orleans french bread with that thick crust. The hot sausages are freshly cooked to order, and the meatballs have a bit of a kick so you know you're not in Pennsylvania.

* Po-boys is the local term for sandwiches made on French bread. If you're not from Louisiana, the closest thing you're likely to have seen are the sandwiches sold by Quizno's. Poboys are crisp despite not being toasted because of the thick fresh French bread crust, unless they are stuffed with sloppy stuffings like roast beef that soften them. And of course any self-respecting poboy shop will offer fried shrimp, crawfish, and fish sandwiches; in Louisiana, these will be more popular than things like roast beef.

---

Seven weeks after Katrina* the New Orleans metro area is like the area around some weird unreality vortex. Far from the center, like here in Mandeville, things are almost normal. But the closer you get to Orleans Parish, the further things depart from How They Are Supposed To Be. In Kenner and Jefferson Parish many people have returned and businesses are open, but the businesses have chronic personnel shortages and most aren't open normal hours. Even fast-food joints are serving only limited menus. And businesses like Walgreens and Home Depot are doing banker's hours, closing at six PM.

Across the Seventeenth Street Canal in Orleans, things haven't even started returning to normal. A few brave souls have made their way back to the unflooded Uptown neighborhoods and the Quarter, but there are few services for them. They buy gas, building supplies, and groceries in Metairie, exacerbating the shortages that still occur there. And in the vast desolation of the flooded areas, few things even move. The recovery hasn't even begun and can't, really, until little matters like the levee system and insurance are dealt with.

*Yes, I know it's been more than seven weeks. This was the situation at the time (though it hasn't changed much even now).

---

Seven weeks after Katrina my wife went on a junket to Atlantic City so I decided to catch a movie. What I usually do is eat lunch at the Holiday Square Applebee's, which is across the parking lot from the cinema. Of course, the first time I went back to this ritual after the hurricane I was confronted with an enormous blue tarp on the side of Cinema 2; Katrina had extended Her finger even here. But the other eleven cinemas were up and running, and I did see the fluffy little movie they built around ID software's Doom video game.

Yeah, an Applebee's. I never claimed to be a Chalmatian myself. My parents were transplants from Mississippi, and I've always been more of an observer than a participant in the local culture.

But at Applebee's I heard a buzz that told me how things were changing.

Yeah Hawt we took a tree on da cawpawt an a tree on da back turlet an a tree from da neutral ground done smacked ya daddy's blaza but da insurance wuz up ta date so we should be good, so how's ya own place doin'?
C, a northshore local who hangs out at the same Applebee's bar is livid. "Buncha fucking Chalmette people done invaded our parish," he says as we down our Abita Ambers. "Try to buy a fuckin house lately? The real estate market is completely screwed up, and it's these guys."

I neglect to remind C that I immigrated to Mandeville myself twelve years ago. Instead I tune in to the buzz of conversation in the Mandeville Applebee's, a place no self-respecting Chalmatian would be caught dead if there were real food to be had, and I hear an overlay. The locals are still here, as C is, but superimposed on them is the slow-motion Brooklyn twang of Yatspeak. And not just a few of them; the air of the place is much more Rocky's than it is Generic American Chain Restaurant.

"We gotta do something about this," C seethes over his Abita beer.

But I don't really think there's much anybody can do about it. The people who want to come back but can't because their home, their city, and their entire way of life have been destroyed will come back to the closest thing they can find. And while it's not very close, St. Tammany Parish is about as close as you can get to Chalmette without a lot of post-hurricane bullshit getting in your way.

The Chalmatians have come to Mandeville, and I suspect a lot of them are here to stay. I figure in a few years St. Tammany Parish will just be da Parish, or may da Nawth Parish. Da one where we-all live now, y'know.

---

Postscript

Hurricane Katrina catastrophically flooded Rocky and Carlos, Nobody Waits, the entire Judge Perez Blvd strip, the house where I grew up, the elementary schools I attended, my high school alma mater, the university I attended, the first place I ever held a job, every church I ever attended, the first house I rented when I left my parents, and about 200,000 homes and thousands of other businesses I don't have room to mention here. It's not clear when or if many of these places will ever reopen, or if they do reopen if it will be in the flooded areas where they were before.

I am thinking Yatspeak is going to be heard in Mandeville for a long time.

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Poll
Where ya live, dawlin?
o Down by da refinery 4%
o At da fishin camp 0%
o Down by da canal 4%
o Just a coupla blocks from Fats (Domino's place) 0%
o In town 4%
o Across da river 13%
o Across da lake 26%
o In da boibs 8%
o Pennsylvania 26%
o I ain't livin til I get back ta da Parish 13%

Votes: 23
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10,001 Chalmatians | 123 comments (104 topical, 19 editorial, 0 hidden)
i roomed with a frog in college (3.00 / 8) (#2)
by circletimessquare on Thu Nov 17, 2005 at 11:44:38 PM EST

he told me a hilarious story

some french newsmagazine story went into the swamps of new orleans and interviewed some crawdad raising cajun, creole, acadian, chalmatian or whatever the hell they are, like at night with the blinding camera lights and some blinking scruffy old man in his britches outside a shack

and the talking head was like in perfect french "sir! how does it feel to preserve french culture in the heart of the usa after all these centuries?!"

and the old guy was like, as far anyone speaking french (or english for that matter) could understand: "yaw blaw yeow baw baw rummuna yow yow bemarga yamma..."

talking head: "how does it feel to uphold french language and ways against all these odds?! to bravely uphold french cultural tradition and french cultural dignity in the heart of this anglo land and serve as the still fluttering heart of francocentric ideals..."

old curmudgeon: "bumina mow mow dragga rooka yaw yaw..."

locaroger: southern lousiana is a world unto itself... or at least it was... i fear new orleans will be reborn as a disney antiseptic theme park, and all of the intricate fractal cultural variations you and other cutural anthropologists who get a hard on about this kind of stuff is permanently washed and blown away, one late aug 2005 morn...

believe me, i live in times square, i know all about washing out gritty reality and replacing it with mall culture


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

square times circle (3.00 / 8) (#3)
by Linux or FreeBSD on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 12:33:44 AM EST

what

[ Parent ]
welcome to teh intarweb (3.00 / 6) (#6)
by circletimessquare on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 01:49:11 AM EST

people talk about stuff

ha ha! you didn't know that!

i win at teh intarweb!


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]

yuo win 8 free intarnets $ (3.00 / 5) (#18)
by An onymous Coward on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 08:55:22 AM EST



"Your voice is irrelevant. Stop embarrassing yourself. Please." -stuaart
[ Parent ]
it's the sony playstation corporate logo (3.00 / 7) (#22)
by tkatchevzombie on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 09:28:12 AM EST

u know, for people without human ideals who feel they need to adopt corporate ones.

[ Parent ]
or that i live (1.50 / 2) (#64)
by circletimessquare on Sat Nov 19, 2005 at 07:09:07 PM EST

somewhere around times square...

circle... times... square

ha! i'm so witty!


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]

You're college-educated? (3.00 / 5) (#26)
by Orange Tanning Cream on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 11:45:29 AM EST

Shocking.

Was this roommate the source of your visceral hatred of all things French?

[ Parent ]

it's teh intarweb (3.00 / 7) (#37)
by circletimessquare on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 04:55:48 PM EST

you can make believe anything about yourself

i'm actually an inmate at dannemora prison in clinton county new york serving 3-6 for manslaughter


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]

Lake Ponchartrain (3.00 / 2) (#4)
by trane on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 01:23:21 AM EST

is also an awesome old tune by Jelly Roll Morton.

That guy was something else man. He used to hand out business cards with "Inventor of Jazz" on them. He thought a cleaning lady was putting a hex on him with the powder she used to clean his room or office or something. When he got a car after not having one for a while he would boast to everyone that he was "back on rubber".

And his music, well, I know you're not a fan of jazz, localroger, but, shee-it man, you might want to check it out sometime, his music is just fucking incredible. It swings like nothing else. I know it takes a while to feel swing (it took me many years and even now I'm just beginning to get it).

But it's worth it.

I have heard this song (none / 1) (#44)
by localroger on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 08:12:02 PM EST

You're right about basically Jazz being an acquired taste, and not one I've ever acquired, though I can appreciate the technical virtuosity of some Jazz musicians. Part of the problem there is my parents had really awful taste in music (I think they had the entire 101 Strings library in vinyl when I was growing up) and I didn't regularly hear even rock 'n roll except on the school bus. I was about 16 years old when I got my own stereo in my bedroom (yeah, if you read my diary I posted a picture of what that room looks like now) and I started to get my own albums, but at that time I was more into Vangelis and Sheena Easton (not necessarily in that order) and I shared my mother's fondness for disco (and shamelessly still do to a certain very carefully controlled extent).

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
haha (none / 1) (#45)
by trane on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 08:31:38 PM EST

i too became interested in music late. my dad though was a jazz fan and had a lot of old jazz (up to the bebop era which he never could understand), sometimes he would play his records for me, some of that must have seeped in; then in college i started listening to his records by myself and found something there that really spoke to me, and which i've since devoted more and more time to; i'm really convinced there's something very important in swing, some great mathematical truth or key to the universe or something, can't put my finger on it yet but i keep listening and practicing on my keyboard and try to keep up with the "real musicians" on a jazz board i visit...

as a matter of fact the jelly roll recording i'm referring to is one of my dad's old 78s that my Mom had transferred to CD, after he died. I'm going to listen to it tonight on the way home from  school here.

[ Parent ]

psst (none / 1) (#46)
by localroger on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 09:21:10 PM EST

Any chance a .mp3 of that pontchartrain song might show up in my mailbox just like by happenstance? Only in a totally legal and licensed way, of course, if such a thing might be possible.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
found it online (none / 1) (#94)
by trane on Mon Nov 21, 2005 at 05:39:18 PM EST

http://redhotjazz.com/redhot.html

Scroll down...it's actually called just "Pontchatrain".

[ Parent ]

Hey, thanks (none / 1) (#96)
by localroger on Mon Nov 21, 2005 at 05:59:22 PM EST

Too bad it's in .rm format but I think I will bookmark that page.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
My grandfather... (3.00 / 6) (#7)
by cr8dle2grave on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 02:21:42 AM EST

...who only a few times in his life ever ventured outside the boundaries of the Louisiana-Mississippi-East Texas region defined by his sales route, within which he peddled medical equipment to opticians out of the trunk of his car, will now die in Chicago. He was born in the Irish Channel, did a tour in Korea, and came here to Colorado a couple of times, but most of his life was spent on barstools at The Max and Parasols. He marched the route with Pete Fountain's Walkin' Man's Band every Mardi Gras since before I was born and played the brunch at the Hilton every Sunday since my mother was a little girl.

He had the grave misfortune of having lived long enough to see his entire world submerged in a noxious mixture of refuse, sewage, chemical waste and human tragedy. He lost everything. Well almost everything. My uncle was able to retrieve a few pictures and, most precious of all, his horn from the house a few days after the storm hit. Apparently he wept.

Thankfully my Grandmother and Great-Grandmother both passed a few years back.

On a lighter note: neutral ground. Hah. My mother still ocassionally slips up and let's that one out.

---
Unity of mankind means: No escape for anyone anywhere. - Milan Kundera


Now that it's not 2 in the morning... (none / 1) (#29)
by cr8dle2grave on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 01:09:23 PM EST

...it occurs to me that it's Pete Fountain and the Half-Fast Walking Club.

---
Unity of mankind means: No escape for anyone anywhere. - Milan Kundera


[ Parent ]
I've heard your father play, then (3.00 / 8) (#40)
by localroger on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 07:56:03 PM EST

I've done the Hilton brunch several times. Back in the 80's when I still did the Quarter for Mardi Gras I saw Pete Fountain's club walk by a couple of times, too.

It's the things like this that are, like the unique dialect of the Ninth Ward, obviously in danger of being lost. The Times-Picayune did an article the same week I saw the movie (I don't take the paper and only read it when there's a copy at the bar) on how expats are making new lives for themselves elsewhere; the pre-eminent maker of Mardi Gras masques has decided to permanently settle in Newark, NJ where a local university has given her a generous endowment; a chef from one of the downtown restaurants is serving poboys to amazed and grateful Nebraskans; Portland, OR is making a very conscious bid to attract our entire Jazz music culture and keep it intact; one of the more prominent Mardi Gras Indians has decided to stay in San Antonio and add his spark to their existing but currently tepid Mardi Gras celebration.

A friend of mine (an artist) has opined that while this diaspora will probably destroy New Orleans, it will be a good thing for the rest of the country because while they won't stay together, the many wonderful elements of our culture will be adopted by the host communities that receive our refugees. Just as there is a little bit of the Times Square CTS misses all over the country, there will now be a little bit of New Orleans everywhere.

It's not the first time this has happened; the Irish Potato Famine is the reason the cop you meet in NYC will most likely be of Irish descent. The wheel turns, and there is a time to lament that turning -- and I believe this is that time -- but it is also true that life goes on, and customs and institutions that work for people have a way of surviving or coming back as something different and maybe better. So I mourn my city, but I also have hope that the things we remember about it will find new life elsewhere.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]

(Grandfather, that is) d'oh /nt (none / 1) (#41)
by localroger on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 07:58:04 PM EST



I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
Names that stick. (3.00 / 2) (#10)
by gordonjcp on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 04:45:32 AM EST

There are a couple of houses near my place up north, called "the new houses". They are called this despite other houses around them being a lot newer. In fact they are about 200 years old, but at some point they must have been newer than, say, my house - and the name stuck.

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll bore you rigid with fishing stories for the rest of your life.


-1 I don't care about New Orleans anymore (1.25 / 16) (#11)
by Lemon Juice on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 05:01:52 AM EST

I know you do, but I don't. Perhaps if it were easier to ejaculate on a womans face during mardi gras I would be interested.

How long did you care about the WTC? (2.85 / 7) (#17)
by localroger on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 08:47:40 AM EST

Honestly I can understand your sense of burnout but this is a thing that really chaps a lot of the locals.

New York City lost three business-district buildings, a few thousand people, and displaced zero people from their residences. The dust was sifted for every bone fragment each of which was lovingly catalogued and treated like a relic of the One True Cross. Four years later people are still recording country music songs about it.

New Orleans lost thousands of businesses and forced almost a million people out of their homes. Many of us suspect we lost as many people as NYC but we don't really know because nobody can even be fucking bothered to search the hundreds of thousands of attics where the bodies probably ended up. And barely three months later, it's all already "yesterday's news."

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]

Slight difference between the two: (2.50 / 4) (#31)
by CanSpice on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 02:00:10 PM EST

The difference is that for the WTC, people have a direction to vent their anger: Muslim extremism. For New Orleans, who or what are they going to vent at, God?

And these days Muslims make for a better enemy than God.

[ Parent ]

Venting (3.00 / 7) (#34)
by localroger on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 03:27:04 PM EST

Well there's the levee system which was built cheap (and then built wrong), Brownie doin a heckuva job turning back what scant help managed to find its way here the day after, doctors being ordered NOT to work on dying people at the airport because they weren't "federalized," the fact that the search for bodies was called off before it was barely started, the fact that many many people are inevitably going to be screwed by their insurance companies, and the overall fact that there are about 1,000 times as many victims as there were on 9/11, I'd think there might be something to hold one's attention.

Oh wait, those are problems with OUR government, and we can't be concentrating on things that make US look bad. Riiiiight.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]

Dont worry (none / 0) (#122)
by metallic on Sat Nov 26, 2005 at 09:04:31 PM EST

Don't let people get to you. To most of the country, we don't matter to begin with no matter what we do. Anyways, hello from a guy in Shreveport.

[ Parent ]
Whatever. $ (1.50 / 2) (#33)
by Lemon Juice on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 02:34:08 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Asshole (2.14 / 7) (#47)
by deadnancy on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 09:24:03 PM EST

You're chapping the fuck out of this NYC local yourself.

Nobody called up the WTC three days before the attack recommending they all evacuate. Other differences: you don't have to beathe bone ash for weeks; our first response wasn't to loot WalMart, and fuck the south.

DN

[ Parent ]
Walmart in lower Manhattan? (3.00 / 3) (#49)
by bankind on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 10:08:03 PM EST

but that organic sushi gay bar got all its shits took.

"Insurgents are blowing up pipelines and police stations, geysers of sewage are erupting from the streets, and the electricity is off most of the time -- but we've given Iraq the gift of supply-side economics." -Krugman
[ Parent ]

Fuck the south (3.00 / 2) (#73)
by localroger on Sun Nov 20, 2005 at 09:19:05 AM EST

Well I suppose that explains everything. Since around 1860 or so.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
Oh, and in other news... (3.00 / 2) (#81)
by localroger on Sun Nov 20, 2005 at 07:50:32 PM EST

We didn't get three days warning. Most people found out about it around wake-up time Saturday morning; when we went to bed it was a cat 1 problem for Florida. And if you weren't on the road by about noon Sunday, it was too late. So we actually had about 30 hours, 40 if you count the time the traffic jam needed to die down. Not even two days, much less three.

To evacuate two million people. To put that in perspective, if the terrorists of 9/11 had been competent and hit the buildings when they were full-up with 50,000 people instead of just waking up, that would correspond to a warning of about an hour. Good luck doing anything useful with that.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]

dude (3.00 / 7) (#54)
by circletimessquare on Sat Nov 19, 2005 at 02:19:10 AM EST

nyc is famously cosmopolitan, liberal, it's like it's not even in the usa

no is famously debauched, liberal, it's like it's not even in the bible belt south

who doesn't like liberal cities? fundamentalists. christian fundamentalists. muslim fundamentalists.

for all of the horror and terror we've both seen, we both know the christian fundamentalists are secretly thinking god is punishing us for being not of their narrow worldview, and secretly happy about our suffering

remember that before you start complaining about whose suffering is worse than the others: they win, we don't

so how about we fucking attack christian and muslim fundamentalists instead of each other?


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]

Wasn't a slam, CTS (3.00 / 2) (#65)
by localroger on Sat Nov 19, 2005 at 10:05:34 PM EST

I think the response to 9/11 was appropriate. I'm just wondering where the love was when we got hit.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
Could be worse (3.00 / 2) (#112)
by Cro Magnon on Tue Nov 22, 2005 at 02:22:31 PM EST

The earthquake in Pakistan was "yesterday's news" the day after it happened, and the devastation was far worse than NOLA. Any relation between news coverage and the actual death/damage of any event is strictly coincidental.
Information wants to be beer.
[ Parent ]
True (3.00 / 2) (#113)
by localroger on Tue Nov 22, 2005 at 03:25:11 PM EST

Back in the days of the Niceraguan Sandanista/Contra debacle I read one opinion that the equation was roughly 1 third-world village = 9 Catholic nuns = 1 US tourist. I guess this means even today NOLA is more of a Catholic town than a US town...

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
sux (2.50 / 10) (#13)
by tkatchevzombie on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 06:50:13 AM EST

boring fake ethnographic matter

Good cheap food at funky local place (3.00 / 2) (#14)
by wiredog on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 07:55:28 AM EST

Lots of that here in DCia.

When I was in the army I spent a year and a half at Ft. Polk. Lots of Cajuns near Alexandria, and lots of cajun food. Gator, crawfish, etouffe,etc. The food was the only good thing about being at Ft Polk.

+1, fp.

Wilford Brimley scares my chickens.
Phil the Canuck

like Ben's Chilli bowl? (none / 1) (#55)
by bankind on Sat Nov 19, 2005 at 03:58:14 AM EST

its good, but it desn't really compare to dive bars that serve fried softshell crab po-boys and raw oysters.

"Insurgents are blowing up pipelines and police stations, geysers of sewage are erupting from the streets, and the electricity is off most of the time -- but we've given Iraq the gift of supply-side economics." -Krugman
[ Parent ]

fried softshell crab (none / 1) (#86)
by wiredog on Mon Nov 21, 2005 at 07:52:08 AM EST

Those are all over around here, when in season.

Wilford Brimley scares my chickens.
Phil the Canuck

[ Parent ]
Da Yat Lexicon, Hawt (2.25 / 4) (#15)
by localroger on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 08:23:55 AM EST

If ya wanna know mo about da way dey tawk in da Parish, check out How Ta Tawk Rite. An a big shout-out too ta Bunny Matthews, b'cuz he drew Vic and Nat'ly.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
brilliant (3.00 / 2) (#24)
by bankind on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 10:40:55 AM EST

your best yet.

After reading it I decided to look up Blackie Campos and shell beach on the google, which I've been trying not to do. the whole thing is too much to grasp. I'm gonna see the city in december.

you heard that the burger king is giving 6k bonuses to all its hires?

"Insurgents are blowing up pipelines and police stations, geysers of sewage are erupting from the streets, and the electricity is off most of the time -- but we've given Iraq the gift of supply-side economics." -Krugman

Yep (3.00 / 2) (#25)
by localroger on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 11:37:21 AM EST

BK has BIG signs in all their stores bragging on those bonuses and the great career you can have flipping burgers. Plus, all of the BK's and McD's on the south shore are serving limited menus -- just a few of the most popular sandwiches and value meals. Even the north shore Applebee's was doing that. It's all from not having enough labor to man all the stations in the kitchen.

There are jobs here for anybody who wants one, but you might have to live in a tent...

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]

Who wants those kind of jobs? (3.00 / 2) (#60)
by ankarbass on Sat Nov 19, 2005 at 03:39:32 PM EST

I've had one of those jobs in my life and I had it for less than two months. I can't imagine reporting to work everyday to man the fry machine and going home stinking of grease. For what, six bucks and hour, eight in the good places?

[ Parent ]
naw (3.00 / 2) (#69)
by bankind on Sun Nov 20, 2005 at 03:28:34 AM EST

For what, six bucks and hour, eight in the good places?

Try 10-15 an hour plus the bonuses, your talking wages above the national average for flipping burgers and stinking like fries.

"Insurgents are blowing up pipelines and police stations, geysers of sewage are erupting from the streets, and the electricity is off most of the time -- but we've given Iraq the gift of supply-side economics." -Krugman
[ Parent ]

Not to mention the low cost of living (none / 1) (#72)
by localroger on Sun Nov 20, 2005 at 09:16:13 AM EST

At least before Katrina sent the real estate market into weirdsville you could have a standard of living for $40K a year here that would cost over $100K on the coasts. Housing and food are quite a bit cheaper here than the national average.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
Isn't that only temporary? (none / 1) (#74)
by ankarbass on Sun Nov 20, 2005 at 09:22:06 AM EST

What was it before katrina, and what will it be after things settle down. I mean if you have to live in a tent, where's the value?

[ Parent ]
depends doesn't it? (3.00 / 2) (#75)
by bankind on Sun Nov 20, 2005 at 09:33:24 AM EST

on either how fast the reconstruction takes, or how long till the reconstruction money dries up.

I'm sure for all the people laid off in the North Shore from jobs in the city (cause their are plenty of people now out of work and many still have homes) the value is to earn an income.

Mainly it's the mexicans collecting garbage in the city that live in the tents.

"Insurgents are blowing up pipelines and police stations, geysers of sewage are erupting from the streets, and the electricity is off most of the time -- but we've given Iraq the gift of supply-side economics." -Krugman
[ Parent ]

I see (none / 1) (#76)
by ankarbass on Sun Nov 20, 2005 at 01:12:11 PM EST

One would think that people in need of work would take those jobs, but, as anyone who's taken a job like that mid-career knows, employers aren't always understanding. It's a mark on your job history. Even though it was related to a national disaster future employers may either not be sympathetic, or, simply not realize that's the reason you took the job. Even if you leave it off of your resume, employers will find out.

Well, that's the only reason I can come up with why someone who has a mortgage payment wouldn't take such a job. Perhaps they think they will be called back to work sometime soon. Who knows.

[ Parent ]

-1 snore (1.62 / 8) (#27)
by rpresser on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 12:11:08 PM EST

Don't care about Louisianan lifestyle. Didn't before Katrina; didn't during Katrina; don't know.  A charitable mindset does not require studying the lifestyle of the recipients.
------------
"In terms of both hyperbolic overreaching and eventual wrongness, the Permanent [Republican] Majority has set a new, and truly difficult to beat, standard." --rusty
That's what I was going to say (none / 1) (#59)
by ankarbass on Sat Nov 19, 2005 at 03:32:19 PM EST

but I thought it would be insensitive. I'd hate to come across as insensitive.

[ Parent ]
tl;dr (none / 1) (#39)
by less than three on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 06:42:31 PM EST

What is this about? I couldn't seem to find a point in the 3 or so minutes I spent reading it before I gave up. +1 SP because it's long and well written -- SOMEONE's bound to find it interesting.

--
orz
Thanks for the vote (none / 1) (#42)
by localroger on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 08:02:58 PM EST

All this is is the hopefully final installment in the shock / despair / anger / acceptance / eulogy cycle as I figure out how to react to the destruction of my hometown. I actually started writing the "anger" one but thoughtfully spared you guys, since well it was kind of angry and not very coherent. And I just don't do "acceptance" but sometimes you do have to move on.

I would really like to get back to the next Passages and TOPI. I think that now I might be able to do that.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]

Dad left LA over 40 years ago... +1FP (3.00 / 6) (#50)
by Smiley K on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 10:54:51 PM EST

But he still makes growtrees, builds fences with four-buh-twos, and wants to know "what time it is?" Especially like the intentional misuse of unnecessary articles. It's always "the Walmart, the I-10, the etc." Front Page.
-- Someone set up us the bomb.
-1, post as 3-4 separate diary entries (2.40 / 5) (#51)
by nostalgiphile on Fri Nov 18, 2005 at 11:06:17 PM EST

Then, I promise, I'll read the whole thing.

"Depending on your perspective you are an optimist or a pessimist[,] and a hopeless one too." --trhurler
Too challenging for me (3.00 / 5) (#53)
by livus on Sat Nov 19, 2005 at 01:37:18 AM EST

All USians talk funny, and trying to work out which of your weird accents I need to first put on, in order to correctly render your attempts to portray this other weird accent ...is just too difficult.

 I mean, are you starting from a baseline where the word "god" would be pronounced "gawd", or "guard"?

I'll abstain because presumably these regionalisms are cute and interesting for others.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

not really regionalisms (3.00 / 2) (#56)
by tkatchevzombie on Sat Nov 19, 2005 at 07:08:21 AM EST

more like Generic American Dumbspeak.

[ Parent ]
Thank you (2.25 / 4) (#57)
by brocktice on Sat Nov 19, 2005 at 10:46:12 AM EST

I'm a Katrina evacuee myself, currently living in St.Louis.  I certainly didn't grow up in Louisiana -- I'm a midwesterner originally -- but I've lived there for the past six years. My parents have lived in Mandeville for seven.

I'm getting ready to head back again next week, and I know things are pretty screwed up from when I went into the city before, but this article was a nice reminder of home and makes me look forward to going back.

Ignore the naysayers. I was glad to see this article on K5.

Oh, and for the doubters, it's definitely not 'fake culture'. It's how things are down in da parish.
To believe with certainty we must begin with doubting. - Stanislaus I

Good luck (none / 1) (#66)
by localroger on Sat Nov 19, 2005 at 10:27:24 PM EST

God speed and strength for when you see what has happened.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
Say it ain't so! (3.00 / 2) (#58)
by Eight Star on Sat Nov 19, 2005 at 02:36:21 PM EST

fluffy little movie they built around ID software's Doom video game.

Shit, 'fluffy'? really??

Aroiund here, we call I-90 "the 90". I never even realized it was idiomatic.

Fluffy (none / 1) (#61)
by localroger on Sat Nov 19, 2005 at 04:40:44 PM EST

...in the sense that it didn't require much intellectual effort to appreciate. I reviewed it here.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
Similar linguistics (3.00 / 2) (#62)
by jdtux on Sat Nov 19, 2005 at 05:19:47 PM EST

I went to school in North Rustico, Prince Edward Island, a small fishing village. Sounds pretty similar to Chalmette, every geographical description based locally, and similar language (this = dis).

-1, too non-NYC centric (2.00 / 3) (#63)
by alevin on Sat Nov 19, 2005 at 05:26:02 PM EST

em tea
--
alevin
i hate white people writing about negros like... (2.42 / 7) (#67)
by la princesa on Sat Nov 19, 2005 at 10:34:51 PM EST

zoo exhibits.  we did wander out of the 19th century quite a while ago.  black people are humans too, not a mysterious curiosa.  ugh.  

___
<qpt> Disprove people? <qpt> What happens when you disprove them? Do they disappear in a flash of logic?
Would you like some ketchup with that crow? (3.00 / 2) (#71)
by localroger on Sun Nov 20, 2005 at 09:14:13 AM EST

From answers.com, re: St. Bernard Parish:

The racial makeup of the parish is 88.29% White, 7.62% Black or African American, 0.49% Native American, 1.32% Asian, 0.02% Pacific Islander, 0.73% from other races, and 1.52% from two or more races. 5.09% of the population are Hispanic or Latino of any race.

Although there are black Yats, if you hear that dialect it is most likely the speaker is white. Like me.

BTW, when you find some white guy like me writing about negroes like they are zoo exhibits, I'll probably agree with your sentiment.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]

I don't understand.... (3.00 / 2) (#114)
by Fuzzwah on Tue Nov 22, 2005 at 11:20:50 PM EST

How can you get offended at someone explaining a culture to outsiders?

I found the article extremely interesting as it gave me an insight into a part of the world that I quite literally did not know existed.

Surely making people more aware of the variety of cultures in the world is a good thing?

--
The best a human can do is to pick a delusion that helps him get through the day. - God's Debris
[ Parent ]

Wow (2.00 / 3) (#68)
by der on Sun Nov 20, 2005 at 12:08:58 AM EST

So you're saying that New Orleans has a regional dialect? Roughly like every other, uh, region on the planet?

Fascinating.

I give a shit roughly as much as you give a shit I call a case of beer a "two four".



real men (3.00 / 4) (#79)
by klem on Sun Nov 20, 2005 at 04:11:13 PM EST

call a case of beer a "thirty rack"

[ Parent ]
Blimey (2.50 / 6) (#77)
by rocket on Sun Nov 20, 2005 at 03:46:58 PM EST

Talk about car-centric! It seems your entire lives revolve around roads in America! That looked like a fascinating article until you started droning on endlessly about roads and road bridges. I suppose you don't have any conception of being outside your house without being in a car and you relate everything about the world to cars and automatically look at everything from the perspective of a car driver!

do they not have cars in your country? (3.00 / 2) (#78)
by klem on Sun Nov 20, 2005 at 04:10:22 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Well, not 100% of them, unlike some countries! (none / 1) (#93)
by rocket on Mon Nov 21, 2005 at 05:10:42 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Actually it's bridges (3.00 / 2) (#80)
by localroger on Sun Nov 20, 2005 at 05:06:34 PM EST

New Orleans is a city of bridges, linked by bridges to the rest of the world; your sense of place is largely defined by the bridges you have to cross to get to the places you want to be. This is equally true if you use public transportation, which generally sucks anyway in the USA, or walk.

Except for the French Quarter and parts of Downtown, any place you're likely to live is going to require a commute to any place you're likely to work; NOLA has been a suburban town since the 19th century.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]

Encourage (3), "Blimey" $ (none / 1) (#87)
by bml on Mon Nov 21, 2005 at 07:55:52 AM EST



The Internet is vast, and contains many people. This is the way of things. -- Russell Dovey
[ Parent ]
Totally skewing views of New Orleans (3.00 / 3) (#82)
by tannhaus on Sun Nov 20, 2005 at 09:23:06 PM EST

First, people simply do not talk that way.  You get some redneckish words and phrases like "making groceries" instead of buying groceries, but in my 10 years of living here, I have NEVER heard Paris Rd or Vets Highway referred to as "THAT ROAD".  Most of your other local phrases do not appear to be used either. As far as your example of local dialect in the restaurants, I don't even understand what you're trying to say in 2 of the 3....and I live here.

As far as the "alien wasteland" of Kenner, you forgot to mention that most businesses in the area are located in Kenner and Metairie, two suburbs of New Orleans.  Kenner and Metairie look exactly like suburbia in any other state.  

I think you meant for this to be entertaining, but you presented it in a way that looks like you're stating fact.  All in all you made the area look backwoods and redneckish which, although it is compared to some major metropolitan areas, it is a far cry from what you've stated here.

I don't think you get out much. (3.00 / 2) (#83)
by localroger on Sun Nov 20, 2005 at 10:03:52 PM EST

Yeah, I live here, but my business carries me to all parts of the city on a regular basis. From the standpoint of a Chalmatian Kenner and Mandeville *are* alien sterile suburban wastelands. And from our standpoint (I assume from your comments that, like me, you can't possibly be a yat) there really is a different culture where people speak differently and consider you an outsider if you don't conform to their often weird and unpredictable norms.

"Redneckish" is the opposite of what I'd portray the Chalmette / 9th ward culture as being; I'd use that term to refer to people like C and even myself who form the "Mississippi incursion" into southern Louisiana.

Then again it might be that you're thinking of the Quarter or the Warehouse district, which are worlds of their own, especially in the case of the Quarter older and more established than even the St. Bernard culture. I didn't write about that culture, although it exists and is interesting, because it is not what is in danger of being lost at the moment.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]

Don't get out much? (3.00 / 3) (#84)
by tannhaus on Mon Nov 21, 2005 at 12:00:07 AM EST

I get out plenty.  I'm a cab driver.  However, the New Orleans you're portraying here does not exist, unless perhaps you drive way into the swamps, far from the city and what anyone would consider New Orleans.

[ Parent ]
Well... (3.00 / 2) (#90)
by localroger on Mon Nov 21, 2005 at 10:08:48 AM EST

The consensus among the other locals who have posted here seems to be that I am not imagining things, so I'd say you don't get out much to the places I'm talking about here. They aren't all that far from the center of the city by car, but I can believe that if your main business is ferrying tourists around you probably don't get out to Chalmette very often. OTOH I went to high school there.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
Another Native (3.00 / 2) (#85)
by jmatthew3 on Mon Nov 21, 2005 at 01:18:27 AM EST

I've lived in NOLA since I was 3, and I think that this was pretty good -- not perfect, but good.' I'm not from chalmette, though. I've lived in Metairie, Kenner, the Garden District, and the Warehouse District. (Currently in fucking BR for another month)

[ Parent ]
What's so good about this dross? (2.33 / 3) (#88)
by OzJuggler on Mon Nov 21, 2005 at 08:03:14 AM EST

Is there a pattern to this?
Call me a slow learner, but it seems like every time there's a tragedy or disaster anywhere, all the people involved soon slip into a huge bout of navel-gazing. Maybe they do this as a way of re-orienting their view and their plans - by refocussing on themselves. Perhaps a part of answering "what does this tragedy mean to me?" is to rexamine who they are, and note which aspects of themselves have changed (as a result of the tragedy) and which parts are still the same as they always were. Mmmmmm.

Of course understanding this pattern doesn't make it any more acceptable.

What was the point?
Couldn't you do your navel gazing on your own time? And to the other navel-gazers that voted this story up I ask: "What did you get out of this story that makes it so FP-worthy?" Don't tell me it was the shocking revelations about fish sandwiches for fucks sake. Nor the brief history of the State's highways. What's that you say? Home Depot is closing at...oh my god...SIX PM?? Oh the humanity! Dross.

Kuro5hin is not a community. We are not your pillow to bite in the night.

OzJuggler
"And I will not rest until every year families gather to spend December 25th together
at Osama's homo abortion pot and commie jizzporium." - Jon Stewart's gift to Bill O'Reilly, 7 Dec 2005.

Introspection (3.00 / 3) (#89)
by virg on Mon Nov 21, 2005 at 10:03:27 AM EST

> Couldn't you do your navel gazing on your own time? And to the other navel-gazers that voted this story up I ask: "What did you get out of this story that makes it so FP-worthy?"

What some people call "navel-gazing", some others call introspection. If you want to know what I got out of this story, it has absolutely nothing to do with the content. It's in the story itself. It's evocative of a mental state and a place, and the fact that it touches on mundane stuff doesn't lessen that. The mention that Home Depot closes at six isn't important as a point of notice so much as showing a bit of the disruption that makes the total disruption so all-encompassing.

The idea I'd put to you in your own derision of this is that you should try to read it less as a series of self-analyses and more as a story, which is where its value lies. Otis Redding's "Sittin' on the Dock of a Bay" is, at its heart, "I came all this way, and things didn't work out, so now I'm killing time here", but it's more than that because it evokes an emotional state of mind. This story did the same for a lot of people, so it got voted up.

Virg
"Imagine (it won't be hard) that most people would prefer seeing Carrot Top beaten to death with a bag of walnuts." - Jmzero
[ Parent ]
paint a target (none / 1) (#115)
by Fuzzwah on Tue Nov 22, 2005 at 11:25:13 PM EST

If you truely want to understand why this is a common process, you need to go through hell yourself.

--
The best a human can do is to pick a delusion that helps him get through the day. - God's Debris
[ Parent ]

I have to ask (3.00 / 3) (#91)
by mikepence on Mon Nov 21, 2005 at 01:30:16 PM EST

I love localroger, really -- in a totally non-homoerotic kind of way. But I have to ask: if localroger takes a shit, does it get voted to the front page? Apparently so.

Put a story arc into this and cut it down to about half its length, and you might have something.

Maybe I should write a story about the storm-ravaged Jews here in Boca Raton and their charming little oh-veys and Bagel delis...

I thought you were moving? nt (none / 1) (#92)
by balsamic vinigga on Mon Nov 21, 2005 at 03:30:39 PM EST



---
Please help fund a Filipino Horror Movie. It's been in limbo since 2007 due to lack of funding. Please donate today!
I am (3.00 / 2) (#95)
by localroger on Mon Nov 21, 2005 at 05:56:15 PM EST

But I am going to take my time and let the real estate situation stabilize a bit first. Right now people can't get mortgages for what properties are going for, so the market is essentially limited to people with cash on hand and there are all kinds of weird issues.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
Is this a troll? (none / 1) (#97)
by Orion Blastar Again on Mon Nov 21, 2005 at 06:24:50 PM EST

You once told me you lived in Scotland. Unless that too was a troll? Am I in fact talking to one of your dupe sockpuppet accounts again?

Learn how to be a liberal.
I can't believe it's not Liberalism!
"Thanks for the pointers on using the internet. You're links to uncylopedia have turned my life around." -zenador

I think you have me confused with someone else (3.00 / 2) (#98)
by localroger on Mon Nov 21, 2005 at 07:50:16 PM EST

I have mentioned many times from my first days here that I live in Louisiana.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
Somewhere else (2.33 / 3) (#99)
by Orion Blastar Again on Mon Nov 21, 2005 at 09:21:54 PM EST

you told me you lived in Scotland and that the thing about living in Louisiana was a troll you invented.

Ah well, good troll, keep it up and make people believe that you really live in Louisiana with this SockPuppet Dupe account. I myself, could not have done any better.

Learn how to be a liberal.
I can't believe it's not Liberalism!
"Thanks for the pointers on using the internet. You're links to uncylopedia have turned my life around." -zenador

[ Parent ]

Well then link please or STFU (none / 1) (#100)
by localroger on Mon Nov 21, 2005 at 09:50:59 PM EST

I cannot imagine even being so drunk in the middle of the night that I would have told someone I live anywhere other than southern Louisiana. But by all means if you are not just shit-stirring please do link to the comment where I said that. The wonders of alcohol might be even more amazing than I realize.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
It was in Husi in The Hole (2.00 / 2) (#101)
by Orion Blastar Again on Mon Nov 21, 2005 at 10:20:57 PM EST

and has since disappeared. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I can't get no satisfaction, we won't get fooled again!

Learn how to be a liberal.
I can't believe it's not Liberalism!
"Thanks for the pointers on using the internet. You're links to uncylopedia have turned my life around." -zenador

[ Parent ]
I do not have a HUSI account. (3.00 / 2) (#102)
by localroger on Mon Nov 21, 2005 at 11:14:09 PM EST

...mainly due to giving the server an invalid e-mail address by accident when I went to sign up as "localroger." So I am not on HUSI. I never felt it was important enough to bother correcting. If anybody over there told you they were me they were lying. And anyway, I have probably mentioned here about three hundred times that I live in Louisiana, so if you believed what someone told you in the anonymous cloakroom of another website over what I've published here dozens of times under my well-known public nick, you are teh stoooopid and you should smack yourself with a fish.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
Well then (3.00 / 2) (#103)
by Orion Blastar Again on Tue Nov 22, 2005 at 01:33:52 AM EST

you have someone pretending to be you on other areas of the Internet. Maybe you'd better look into it.

This other person pretending to be you said a lot of negative things to me in Husi. Claimed to have a lot of dupe accounts etc. I thought it might be you, but since you so strongly and angerly deny it, I see now that it couldn't possibly be you. Just someone with a dupe sockpuppet account. I have been pwned by a sockpuppet pretending to be you, that even claimed to go to Husistock and was met by other people there. He even wrote a gay porn story on "Orion Blastar", as did others on Husi. I myself am not gay, nor have I been in any porn. The whole thing had me leave Husi, which made K5 look like a better place to hang out.

I am not stupid BTW, I have just been lied to and manipulated by someone pretending to be you. I apologize for that.

Learn how to be a liberal.
I can't believe it's not Liberalism!
"Thanks for the pointers on using the internet. You're links to uncylopedia have turned my life around." -zenador

[ Parent ]

Yeah (3.00 / 2) (#105)
by localroger on Tue Nov 22, 2005 at 08:21:51 AM EST

Actually, all things considered I would be amazed if there weren't assholes pretending to be me on other sites. I do not make a habit of locking up "localroger" on every site that opens.

For reference, the only sites I am on are this one, slashdot, dkos, democraticunderground, and theworldforum. The only localroger emails that are me are from hotmail, yahoo, and gmail. The only dupe account I have ever created is Berzelius Windrip, and the funny thing about that is he was made as being me even when he was still posting nothing but direct quotes from It Can't Happen Here.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]

Oh, and CoV /nt. (none / 1) (#107)
by localroger on Tue Nov 22, 2005 at 08:29:23 AM EST



I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
I don't see why not (3.00 / 2) (#111)
by Orion Blastar Again on Tue Nov 22, 2005 at 12:16:25 PM EST

I mean I already got at least a dozen assholes pretending to be me on the Internet, and those are only the ones I know about. It has seem to have become a favorite past-time of certain trolls and assholes.

One asshole calls himself Orion Blaster, capitalizing on the popular mispelling of my Blastar name. Many people make that mistake and spell my last name as Blaster anyway, which just adds to the confusion.

There is another asshole going by Onion Blastar or Onion Blaster, people can't seem to tell the difference beteen him and me anyway, and cannot tell the difference between an "r" and "n" in the second letter of the first name.

Then there are silly ones like:

"Zombie Orion Blastar"

"Orion Blastars Psycho ExGirlfriend"

"Orion Blastars Wife"

"Judge Blastar"

"Rufus Blastar"

I think most of them signed up for accounts on K5, and I got blamed for those accounts or something.

I think DC Comics should do a "Crisis of the Infinte Orion Blastars" miniseries to tell us all apart or merge some of us together to cut down on the clutter.

In any case, it appears that Orion Blastars are cheaper by the dozen, when almost anyone can become Orion Blastar on the Internet.

Damn, I gotta think of some new and clever handle, before the wannabes take over the franchise.

Learn how to be a liberal.
I can't believe it's not Liberalism!
"Thanks for the pointers on using the internet. You're links to uncylopedia have turned my life around." -zenador

[ Parent ]

Nor Rogerborg, perchance. (none / 1) (#108)
by ambrosen on Tue Nov 22, 2005 at 08:43:22 AM EST

Who makes no claim whatsoever to be localroger.

--
Procrastination does not make you cool. Being cool makes you procrastinate. DesiredUsername.
[ Parent ]
No, Roger is actually a pretty common name (3.00 / 2) (#109)
by localroger on Tue Nov 22, 2005 at 10:16:36 AM EST

There are plenty of legitimate Rogers out there who are not me. In fact, the reason I became "localroger" is that I had tried several dozen other variants of my real name and old nicks at Hotmail and it was the first thing that wasn't already in use by a bunch of other people.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
Ah I see, hence the confusion (none / 1) (#110)
by Orion Blastar Again on Tue Nov 22, 2005 at 12:08:48 PM EST

too many rogers for me to keep track of then. Plenty of other rogers pretending to be you, so they can mess with my schizoaffective mind.

We need to call DC Comics and have them do a "Infinite Rogers Crisis" Miniseries to tell you all apart, or perhaps merge some of you into one being, and thus end the confusion.

Learn how to be a liberal.
I can't believe it's not Liberalism!
"Thanks for the pointers on using the internet. You're links to uncylopedia have turned my life around." -zenador

[ Parent ]

you're off by a few orders of magnitude (none / 0) (#119)
by Linux or FreeBSD on Fri Nov 25, 2005 at 01:33:33 AM EST

"I have probably mentioned here about three hundred times that I live in Louisiana"

[ Parent ]
Probably not (none / 0) (#120)
by localroger on Fri Nov 25, 2005 at 08:01:13 PM EST

As of now I've posted a bit over 4100 comments. If I had mentioned my hometown in every single one that's only one order of magnitude over my estimate, and if I never mentioned it at all (ha!) that would be only two orders under. I actually picked 300 because I think it's pretty close to the truth. (Although it might seem like a lot more than that if you're from some relatively uninteresting place and therefore tired of hearing about it :-)

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
Faker? (2.50 / 4) (#104)
by mcrbids on Tue Nov 22, 2005 at 04:01:52 AM EST

Sorry, but when I see

1) An overly complex description of freeways,

2) Too much emphasis on slang that sounds just goofy, and

3) Rambling, pointless style,

I figure I'm experiencing either a fake or a clueless dolt. Fact is, everybody's community is small. I could go on and on about "schupe", a term that was common for me in my high school days, but experience has shown me that even in my own geographical area, this word is barely used.

Most people wouldn't even all it a "median". Who actually refers to this ugly, wastoid part of a freeway in day-to-day conversation? But, in n'orleans it's a part of daily culture, right? People go around thinking: "outsider: he used the word Median"...

Like, "Oh yeah, I wanted to picnic on the median"...? Come on, man.

Almost interesting for a few paragraphs, before I realized I was reading a bullsh1tter. Another example why I hit technocrat.net and slashdot daily, but K5 once or twice a month.

--
I kept looking around for somebody to solve the problem. Then I realized... I am somebody! -Anonymouse

Gist of this argument (3.00 / 2) (#106)
by localroger on Tue Nov 22, 2005 at 08:25:42 AM EST

  1. I have never heard of any of this.
  2. There ain't nothing like this where I live.
  3. I have never heard a traffic report tell me where the accident ended up.
  4. Since my horizons are already infinite and encompass everything known to Man, this must be bullshit.


I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
Re: Gist of this argument (none / 1) (#116)
by mcrbids on Wed Nov 23, 2005 at 03:45:50 AM EST

1) I make up stuff to make parent sound stupid.

2) It's fun!

3) who cares if it has nothing to do with what was said?

4) Neither do I.

5) Numbering paragraphs is cool, man! It makes the horsepuckey seem legitimate!  

6) Even though parent is right - how much time do YOU spend picnicing on the "median"? Name the last time you even used "median" or any equivalent term in a sentence outside this discussion! Yeah, your grandmother concieved your mother sometime after that, if my guess is even slightly accurate.
I kept looking around for somebody to solve the problem. Then I realized... I am somebody! -Anonymouse
[ Parent ]

Median / Neutral Ground (3.00 / 2) (#118)
by localroger on Wed Nov 23, 2005 at 03:11:22 PM EST

First of all, I hear some variant of this at least once a week:
The accident at Clearview and I-10 has been pulled over into the neutral ground and the left lane is blocked as it is being cleared.
Talk about making stuff up to make the parent sound stupid -- yeah nobody picnics in the neutral ground. But it comes up constantly when you're talking about traffic, construction, and land use rights.

Furthermore, New Orleans has a lot of streets which used to be divided by canals, which now have very wide neutral grounds because those canals have been covered over. The Civil Defense shelter was in the neutral ground of West End Boulevard for about 40 years until it was torn down in the 1980's. Today that same neutral ground is the staging area for all the trash being collected from the streets of Lakeview.

The famous street car lines run down the neutral ground, as do the buses on Canal Street.

It comes up just often enough that it's one thing nearly everybody who leaves this area ends up commenting on. It's particularly startling because it's used seldom enough that our exposure to non-New Orleanian English via TV and radio has not corrected this particular localism even when we drop out of "locals mode" and choose to speak Generic American.

So, did you have a point or were you just being an asshole? Wait, you really don't have to waste time answering that.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]

RE: Faker? (none / 0) (#123)
by Harangutan on Fri Dec 02, 2005 at 05:50:22 PM EST

I created a Kuro5hin account just to reply to this comment.

I was born on at Touro's on Prytania St., lived in Slidell for my first three years, and then most of the next 21 years in Mandeville (Beau Chene) before moving to D.C., and localroger's article is pretty spot-on.

Yeah, everyone in the area refers to the Causeway, the Twin Spans, and the Lake as such, and lots of the other names are oddly truncated and bizarrely named and pronounced. I'm not familiar with the names of all the other bridges, but, then again, Chalmette really is different from the rest of the area.

Yeah, the slang sounds just goofy. That's why his friend in Mandeville was bitching about the Chalmatians. They're sort of, if you'll forgive me, localroger, the West Virginians of southern Louisiana. Go read A Confederacy of Dunces for more on the dialect. And there's a good 4 or so really distinct accents across the New Orleans metro region, anyway, and another 3 or so across the western and northern parts of the state.

And his style? That doesn't have anything to do with whether he's a faker or not.

A good 80% of the words you'll find listed on those New Orleans vocabulary lists you can read online would be recognized, if not regularly used by, anyone from the New Orleans/Metaire/West Bank area.

Seriously, if you're going to call someone out, try not to look so bad doing it.

...

Man, I love fried oyster po'boys.

[ Parent ]
well, i'm originally from new orleans (none / 0) (#124)
by suntzu on Sun Dec 04, 2005 at 10:31:30 PM EST

and while i did leave when i was 10, i get back every so often, and i have family in other parts of louisiana that i visit more frequently. this all seems reasonable enough to me, and a lot of it's even vaguely familiar. and localroger's mentioned being from louisana before. if he's faking, he's put in *quite* a bit of effort.

[ Parent ]
And a hurricane came and it was all gone (3.00 / 2) (#117)
by AlwaysAnonyminated on Wed Nov 23, 2005 at 08:01:36 AM EST

THE END
---------------------------------------------
Posted from my Droid 2.
Neutral grounds... (none / 1) (#121)
by lilnobody on Sat Nov 26, 2005 at 09:30:28 AM EST

May or may not have had duels played out on them, but the original was canal street, with the frenchmen on one side and the english on the other, not long after the LA purchase.

Just saying.

*sigh*. I gotta get back there. Austria is too damn uptight.

lilnobody

10,001 Chalmatians | 123 comments (104 topical, 19 editorial, 0 hidden)
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