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[P]
Roommates from Hell

By bhearsum in Culture
Mon May 30, 2005 at 11:14:28 PM EST
Tags: Humour (all tags)
Humour

Most people here have probably had a roommate or two over the years. I just recently moved out of my parent's basement and in with two friends of mine. I must say, having a roommate is a horrible thing a lot of the time. I'd like everyone to share their worst roommate experiences here.


I've never been called a neat-freak by ANYONE, but I know the basics of keeping things clean, and do my best to do it. It's my opinion that any common areas of the house or apartment you are sharing should be kept in good order because losing/breaking someone else's stuff is a terrible thing. The kitchen is the most important area to keep clean. One should not have to clean up before they make food.

We've had a small ant problem since we moved in that is slowly getting under control. Because of that it is obviously a bad idea to leave any food crumbs out, or anything sweet. Two mornings ago I got up and went to the kitchen to make some breakfast to find about 4 tablespoons of sugar sitting on the stove. I wish this was an isolated incident. Right now there are two bricks of cheese sitting on my kitchen counter, they've been there for days. Both of my roommates enjoy cooking and are quite good at it. What they are not good at is cleaning up the mess they make, and believe me, it's a huge one. If they were actually careful when cooking it wouldn't bother me so much, but so much of the mess in easily preventable, you know, but not sitting a spoon covered in sauce down on the counter. It's common sense, isn't it? You'd think they clean up after eating -- wrong again. Since we moved in a few weeks ago I have counted at least 10 times when sauce and various other things would dry onto the stove and/or counter. That part is the most ridiculous to me. When I'm cooking, and I spill a sauce on something, I wipe it right away, it's easy to clean up when it's not dry.

The living room is just as bad. I don't feel comfortable leaving any of my things out there because nearly everything gets lost. Both of my roommates constantly lose things: keys, debit/credit cards, cheques. Every coffee and end table in the room is covered with crap, and it makes them absolutely useless as tables. Even the couches have crap on them. I have the smallest bedroom in the apartment, and admittedly I have less stuff than either of them, but I can find everything. Things do get messy, yes, but I don't lose things.

These are minor things probably, compared with other people's tales. So please share your tales.

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Roommates from Hell | 92 comments (75 topical, 17 editorial, 0 hidden)
its funny you bring this up (2.75 / 4) (#5)
by zephc on Sat May 28, 2005 at 11:06:50 PM EST

my roommates are throwing a loud party and I have to be at work tomorrow at 6 AM. They are ordinarily very quiet, but nothing greases the vocal chords like alcohol.

one time (3.00 / 3) (#8)
by auraslip on Sun May 29, 2005 at 06:06:17 AM EST

i had sex with my roommates girl.
does that make me a bad roommate?
124
Yes (3.00 / 9) (#17)
by BottleRocket on Sun May 29, 2005 at 01:22:50 PM EST

I once had sex with my roommate.
Does that make me a good roommate?

$ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
. ₩ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . *
$ . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $
Yes I do download [child pornography], but I don't keep it any longer than I need to, so it can yield insight as to how to find more. --MDC
$ . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $
. . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . *
. ₩ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
$ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
$B R Σ III$

[ Parent ]

Yes (n/t) (none / 0) (#78)
by makohill on Thu Jun 02, 2005 at 09:40:41 PM EST


Creativity can be a social contribution, but only in so far as society is free to use the results. --RMS
[ Parent ]
the stoner (2.85 / 7) (#11)
by sal5ero on Sun May 29, 2005 at 10:03:39 AM EST

  • left his bong out in the lounge all the time (what if my grandma came over?)
  • left his surfboards out in the lounge all the time: always at least two longboards leaning against the lounge walls)
  • ALWAYS left the front door wide open when leaving the house; even after being asked to shut and lock the door
  • when we had a big storm and the rain came through the roof, we came home to find him stoned, watching TV, with water (lots of it) running down the walls behind the TV and him taking no notice of it (incidentally - it was raining inside another flatmate's wardrobe at the time!!)
  • we didn't even choose him as a flatmate - when we weren't home, he came about the flatmate ad, and the other psycho flatmate (who hated us and was moving out) told him to go see the landlord (who lived next door), which he did, and he got the room (we were each charged rent by the room)


the grot (3.00 / 8) (#13)
by sal5ero on Sun May 29, 2005 at 10:19:06 AM EST

we were moving in for the new year at uni.  i moved in at the end of the previous year's holidays, and my friends moved in at the start of term, so this guy was there until they moved in.  he never cleaned anything, including washing his dishes.  luckily, he didn't make many -  his dinners mostly consisted of: fish fingers fried in a pot (not pan), instant noodles, cooked in water boiled in the jug, then dumped on the fish fingers, tomato sauce on top of that.  the noodles and sauce were dumped in the saucepan with the cooked fish fingers, from which the mixture was eaten, sitting in the lounge.  the pot would then be returned to sitting on the stovetop ready for tomorrow night's dinner (unwashed either after eating, or before cooking the next night).
another flatmate who had lived there with him for longer, told me how the guy once ate mince that had been sitting on the counter a few weeks, and then wondered why he got diarrhoea.

he was studying electrical engineering (postgrad) at uni, and once told me he was the world's foremost authority on artificial intelligence (which he was doing his thesis on), but that others in the field didn't like his ideas as they were radically new and would require throwing out established ideas, which they didn't want to do.

he also never locked the house door.  trouble was, he worked late and came home very late at night so i had to stay awake until he came home so i could lock the door after him.  i asked him several times to lock it, and he said he would try to remember, but he kept forgetting.  he asked, 'why do i need it locked'?  i said 'so burglars/intruders, etc don't just wander in'.  he said 'if they come in, just yell out and he will come rescue me' (he did aikido).  right.

when he finally moved out (as my friends were moving in), he took all week from his move out date before he finally decided to leave, and i inherited his room, which needed a day's airing as it had been shut up (no windows or curtains opened in years), and when packing up, he discovered, under his bed, a plate covered in chicken bones that had apparently been sitting there for six years, according to him.

the psycho (3.00 / 8) (#15)
by sal5ero on Sun May 29, 2005 at 10:34:34 AM EST

all the utilities, rent, etc were in my name (big mistake), so i had to collect the money from each flatmate.

this guy was always late in paying me, sometimes several weeks late (once he was on holiday overseas for 6 weeks or more, and i had to wait until he got back to get the money).  i got sick of covering him for the bills (being a poor uni student), so just before i went away on holiday myself (with my girlfriend to her mother's house in another city), i decided i was going to put a toll bar on the phone when i got back (we always got BIG phone bills because of international calls), and left a note to everyone saying so, and they could all get phone cards if they wanted to make std/isd calls.

so we get to my girlfriend's mother's place, about 4 hours drive away, and this guy has already somehow gotten her number, called her, and abused her over the phone.  when i arrive, i call him back, and he abuses me for several hours (the guy was shrieking over the phone), over several phone calls.  he tells me to move out.  i tell him to move out.  he tells me the other flatmates agree with him and i should move out (thanks guys).  he says the minute i get off the phone he is going to make heaps of overseas phone calls and leave, leaving me with a huge phone bill.  so after i get off the phone, i call the phone company, to put the toll bar on straight away.  they say they can't do it and only sales staff can, and to call back in the morning.

so, after a sleepless night, i call back in the morning, and put the toll-bar on, along with a note on the account not to take it off under any circumstances, as i had decided to move out anyway, and would be cancelling the phone altogether at the end of the week when i moved out.  i get back and move out (and notice he has used the lawnmower to take the top half off all my cabbages i had been growing).

i finally get the final bill, and have a bit of trouble getting the money out of him (even more trouble with another flatmate, who was an exchange student, and was planning to leave the country without paying me).  the phone company told me that he had rung them up pretending to be me, and asking for the toll-bar to be taken off (which they refused, luckily i had the note on there).  the funny thing is, the night he threatened to make the big international phone calls, there were about 8 calls to germany and italy on the bill, all for the minimum 1 minute - he obviously tried, but couldn't find anybody at home to talk to!!! hahaha!!

that exchange student (3.00 / 6) (#29)
by sal5ero on Mon May 30, 2005 at 02:07:27 AM EST

every time i went around to collect the bill money from him, he would tell me he had no money - none left in new zealand (he was going back home soon) - and it would cost him several hundred dollars to transfer more money there from his home country (boo hoo!).  i told him 'not my problem'.

one day i turn up, and the new flatmate there (who doesn't know who i am) informs me he is not there, but is away whitewater rafting (no money left, huh?), but will be back tomorrow.

so i turn up the next day, and the new flatmate answers the door again.  the guy hears me at the door, and tries to escape out the other door at the opposite side of the house!!  so i had to run around the other side and intercept him (this was a couple of days before he was due to leave the country).  i got there in time - 'where are you disappearing off to?'  'oh i am just off to visit a friend' (yeah right).  then he spouted more shit about having no money.  i asked how he was able to afford whitewater rafting, then (ha!).  he finally admitted he still had some, but no cash, so i had to escort him to the nearby atm machine to get the cash.

[ Parent ]

My roommate was a fence-sitter (2.80 / 5) (#16)
by shm on Sun May 29, 2005 at 12:25:52 PM EST

I'm a bit of a neat-freak, but not to the point of having OCD - more on that later.

My first roommate pretty much followed my lead; keeping things more or less orderly, and taking turns cleaning up.

Then I moved out, and he got himself this really messy roommate. The same place turned into a garbage dump.

Re: OCD - I knew this woman with a mild form of this particular disease. Her roommate amused herself by moving things slightly out of whack. That was before we recognized that she had a serious problem brewing.

The klepto roommate (2.85 / 7) (#19)
by Tatarigami on Sun May 29, 2005 at 04:16:15 PM EST

Anything small enough to fit into a pocket would vanish when she was around.  Pens, pencils, scissors, TV remotes, toothpaste, cordless phones... she wasn't fussy.

Another flatmate just couldn't seem to get it through his head that we weren't visited by the housework fairy every night.  He used a banana skin as an ashtray for a week... and wondered why his room alone had a mold problem when he never opened the window or door, left his heater on all the time, and carpeted it with damp towels.

Dorm Wars (3.00 / 6) (#21)
by srutis on Sun May 29, 2005 at 06:45:38 PM EST

A long time ago, there was a diary series called Dorm Wars by TRASG0 here on K5. They're all absolutely hilarious and I strongly suggest you to read them all (Especially the one about this smoking god they built of which I've now forgotten the name)!

OMG (2.50 / 2) (#38)
by zephc on Tue May 31, 2005 at 03:31:47 AM EST

I've laughed more reading 'dorm wars episode ii' than I have in a long long time.  I think because it reminds me of my own college life, sorta.

I have plenty of tales to tell, but don't have time, I want to keep reading dorm wars!

[ Parent ]

Please enter a subject for your comment (1.37 / 8) (#23)
by ant0n on Sun May 29, 2005 at 06:51:30 PM EST

This story is boring as shit and is voted up only by idiots who vote it up because they think it will generate "interesting comments". -1


-- Does the shortest thing the tallest pyramid's support supports support anything green?
Patrick H. Winston, Artificial Intelligence
so? (none / 1) (#25)
by livus on Sun May 29, 2005 at 06:57:36 PM EST

n/t

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
Generating comments as half the reason for a story (none / 1) (#39)
by bhearsum on Tue May 31, 2005 at 09:30:02 AM EST

Isn't it?

[ Parent ]
Here's some more (3.00 / 6) (#24)
by livus on Sun May 29, 2005 at 06:53:23 PM EST

it the interests of my own sanity I won't repost my original contribution,  but here's a few more:

don juan of schoolgirls

this guy used to spend his spare time with schoolgirls who would come to our house dressed in uniform. As far as I could tell they were attracted by the free drugs and alcohol he was feeding them. Consequently we had shouting giggling youngsters playing games of tag and whatnot. I very much doubt that he had sex with any but he would get quite violent and frustrated and eventually there was an afternoon when he was bodily picking them up and trying to drag them into his room, while they were tearfully phoning their parents to come and get them. Classy.

the cleaner

this one was a model flatmate except for his one bad habit of sweeping the living room floor late at night dressed only in a small towel. Not what you want to come home to.

the wanker

this guy used to wear easy access pants and surreptitiously wank in the living room. Later he went insane and threatened to kill someone, and was taken away.


---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

when i was briefly living in a hostel (3.00 / 7) (#30)
by sal5ero on Mon May 30, 2005 at 02:21:15 AM EST

(after moving countries, and while looking for work)...

one guy there was a nutcase, and thought several of the people at the hostel were out to kill him.  he claimed to have woken up covered in bites one morning (before i was there) and said one of the others had filled his bed with spiders.  he thought people were poisoning his milk, and threatened to call the cops (although, conveniently, he had already tipped out the milk, so no tests could be done).  he ended up being kicked out of the hostel.

another guy there was just a plain tosser.  he was really full of himself and thought he was hot shit.  he constantly paraded his skinny body around the place in nothing but his boxers (puh-leaze!), and would lie back on the bean-bag-ish-thing on the floor in front of the tv in said boxers, right in front of everyone, with his legs spread wide.  he also used to turn his stereo up really loud while in the shower, so he could hear it while showering (his room was quite near the shower), but his room was very near the lounge, so it was always too loud for those of us watching tv, so i used to always go shut and lock his door whenever he did that (to block the noise out, of course!) - and of course he didn't have his room key in the shower with him! hahahaha.  i know that's evil but he just pissed everyone off all the time.

[ Parent ]

hmmmm (none / 1) (#49)
by QuantumG on Tue May 31, 2005 at 07:51:22 PM EST

that sounds similar to my hostel experiences.. was this hostel by chance in Paddington in London?

Gun fire is the sound of freedom.
[ Parent ]
Brisbane, Australia (n/t) (2.50 / 2) (#50)
by sal5ero on Tue May 31, 2005 at 08:52:55 PM EST

n/t

[ Parent ]
Freaky (none / 1) (#60)
by QuantumG on Wed Jun 01, 2005 at 09:13:46 PM EST

That's my home town.

Gun fire is the sound of freedom.
[ Parent ]
funny you should say that because (3.00 / 4) (#66)
by livus on Thu Jun 02, 2005 at 05:24:26 AM EST

I was poisoning whoever it was that kept stealing my yoghurt and milk. After I announced this fact to the flat it soon stopped, though.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
Sorry, I had to ask (3.00 / 2) (#32)
by greenrd on Mon May 30, 2005 at 12:08:09 PM EST

Consequently we had shouting giggling youngsters playing games of tag and whatnot.

Tag? How old were these girls?


"Capitalism is the absurd belief that the worst of men, for the worst of reasons, will somehow work for the benefit of us all." -- John Maynard Keynes
[ Parent ]

I didn't ask (none / 1) (#67)
by livus on Thu Jun 02, 2005 at 05:26:37 AM EST

and I doubt that they'd have told me. They were from the local high school though. Just typical schoolgirls I guess.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
You're the freak (2.85 / 7) (#27)
by QuantumG on Sun May 29, 2005 at 11:32:26 PM EST

I've lived with people who thought it was obvious that there had to be hot coffee available at any given moment of the day. I don't drink coffee at home. I might go to a coffee house now and then, but I don't think it's the kind of thing you chill out and drink at home. As a result of this obsession I often received a tounge lashing about never refilling the coffee pot or getting milk whilst at the shop. Seriously. Sometimes I'd be sitting on the couch watching tv and eating a hamburger. One of my flat mates would walk out, go to the fridge to get milk, discover there was none and then harass me for not picking up milk when I was at the store getting my hamburger. The argument was that someone has to do it so why couldn't I do it now and then?

The exact same argument applies to cooking dinner, and washing the dishes. Almost every flatmate I have ever had has complained that I never cook dinner. The fact that I never eat anything they cook seemed irrelevant to them. The argument was that we should share the cooking and my eating takeout (or noodles) every night was just me shirking my cooking responsibilities.

Oh, and then there's dusting, and vacuuming. I'm actually alergic to dust, but it's not me who would clean the house every Saturday. Oh no, my flatmates would get out the cleaning products and go on a 4 hour cleaning spree every weekend. When I refused to help they called me slack. I don't care if the entertainment unit has dust on it, I don't put my nose on top of the fridge. But no, these Nazis would declare that someone has to do it and therefore I have to pull my weight.

Gun fire is the sound of freedom.

Solve your problem. (3.00 / 2) (#33)
by actmodern on Mon May 30, 2005 at 01:25:32 PM EST

Find a cheaper place and live by yourself. Even if you're out a couple of hundred more bucks it's worth it.

I had three roommates in my life. The first two were neat freaks (and abusive at that) and the last one was messy. Now I live by myself and it doesn't matter if the place looks great or bad as long as I get to it eventually.

The third one was so messy she'd leave her jeans out in the livingroom with her used female "pad" in it. She was quite literally a health hazard.

The only downside now is that I live in a two bedroom apartment with a huge livingroom. I need the extra room for my computers but the size of the place makes it hard for a single professional to clean. I'm considering just hiring a maid which is even more money out of my pocket :|

--
LilDebbie challenge: produce the water sports scene from bable or stfu. It does not exist.

Indeed (none / 1) (#43)
by bhearsum on Tue May 31, 2005 at 11:44:36 AM EST

That's the plan once the lease is up.

[ Parent ]
I've always liked living in shared houses (2.83 / 6) (#34)
by Have A Nice Day on Mon May 30, 2005 at 03:23:45 PM EST

I've had a vaariety of housemates over the years and I've got on with all of them. There was one guy that I knew for years who was always more of a neat freak than the rest of us. I say neat freak, he would complain if anyone left stuff out in the kitchen or living room, but his room was ankle deep in fast food wrappers and old clothes....
Anyway, we fell out, he moved away, Problem solved. Other than that housemates are great, there's always someone to bitch about the tv with, someone to eat with and someone to talk about shit with. I far prefer the option of people getting under my feet once in a while to the option of living alone. In my current house we're all late 20s to early 30s, so we're all pretty reasonable and try not to make too much noise and keep the others awake. but when one of us does then the others don't complain because we all do it once in a while.

Shared housing rocks.

--------------
Have A Nice Day may have reentered the building.
Oh yeah? (2.75 / 4) (#36)
by MSBob on Mon May 30, 2005 at 10:23:00 PM EST

Beat this. Notice the "before" and "after" shots. Isn't that something. I know she's all reformed now, but I'm kinda glad I don't have to share my house with Kimmy...
I don't mind paying taxes, they buy me civilization.

Never had a roommate. (2.75 / 4) (#37)
by bjlhct on Tue May 31, 2005 at 02:29:14 AM EST

But I know that some people, you can't even share a house with.

*
[kur0(or)5hin http://www.kuro5hin.org/intelligence] - drowning your sorrows in intellectualism
Someone else's bad roomate experience. (3.00 / 4) (#40)
by glor on Tue May 31, 2005 at 10:40:40 AM EST

I encourage you to read this enormously entertaining "room available" posting at losalamos.com, which is most entertaining if you follow it by taking the applicant quiz.

My application to live with this guy two summers ago was denied, probably because my answer to the question "Must cheese spilled on carpet be cleaned up immediately?" was "No, that's why we have dogs."

--
Disclaimer: I am not the most intelligent kuron.

My Roomate from Hades. (3.00 / 8) (#41)
by Dr Caleb on Tue May 31, 2005 at 11:30:21 AM EST

So, there was a guy I worked with for a couple years and he roomied with a good friend of mine. The guy was great to get a long with, so when he moved away for a year then returned to town and I was in need of someone to share the rent, he seemed like a good one to room with.

Kind, polite, intellegent. Bachelor's degree in philosophy, liked the beer, was on our softball team . . .sounds good, right? Well, I wasn't able to speak to my old frined on what kind of roomate he was, and that was my first mistake.

He was always good with the bills, always had the rent on time. Except the time he gave the rent to the landlord directly, and I gave the landlord the full rent, so the overpayment came out of my food budget for the month because the landlord wouldn't return the overpayment. In a year, he never once touched a broom or vaccum. Never cleaned the floor, never dusted a thing. He'd do his dishes, but had a knack for eating my food, and not replacing it. "Oh, I had to eat that 5 year old cheddar, it was going to go bad! " "Ummm, it was 5 fucking years old when I put it in there, fucker. It only had another 5 years left!"

I had two parrots, and he loved to abuse them whenever they made the slightest offensive (to him) sound. (they still have problems trusting me, and it's been three years since. They were both hand raised). He liked to collect cardboard cereal boxes and plastic shopping bags, and they were stuffed in the space between the top of the cupboards and celing in the kitchen, not to mention filling the pantry.

I also made the mistake of letting him use my car on ocassion. One weekend I was out of town, and he used the car for a date. Seems he liked to precede such dates with a little liquid courage. Vodka coloured orange with juice, in an 8oz glass. Two, at least. (It was only two drinks, right? That's under the limit.) So he backs my old Mercury out, and doesn't notice he's backed up too far, into the parking spot behind, and caves the side of the truck in the stall behind and to the right, leaving bits of the tail light of my car on the ground. On the way to his date, he spins my car around on an on-ramp to an overpass, and puts it tail first into a guard rail. Not really hard (the good thing about an old Mercury - real bumpers) but that's where he thinks the missing tail light went. So I get back to town, and the cops come a calling. Somehow, I have to explain the caved in truck, and how matching hunks of taillight happen to be under and embedded in it. Luckily, I have a plane ticket explaining that I was not in the city during the time that the damage ocurred. But does the roomate take responsibility? Nooooooo. So, one insurance deductable out of my pocket.

So, another few months goes by, and it's time for him to move out. He ended up spraying my parrots with a caustic cleaning chemical. It was all I could do to not kill him. The poor thing still has large scars from chemical burns. When he moved out (I wasn't present, I was at work at the time), he takes the office desk I bought off his ex-girlfriend. I guess it had sentimental value. For some sick reason, he decided to do a load of laundry consisting of one single hand towel before he left.

If I ever see you again you Nova Scotian lowlander Scottish Highlander-wannabe piece of shit; they one day may find your body, but they will never identify it.


Vive Le Canada - For Canadians who give a shit about their country.

There is no K5 cabal.

Re: My Roomate from Hades. (3.00 / 3) (#51)
by ksandstr on Tue May 31, 2005 at 08:58:31 PM EST

He ended up spraying my parrots with a caustic cleaning chemical. It was all I could do to not kill him. The poor thing still has large scars from chemical burns.
Cockatiels, right? (clues: hand-raised, _whenever_ [implying they were mostly quiet] they made a sound, etc. Besides, a budgie would've gone catatonic and/or stopped eating after that kind of stress and the feather-growing problems scarring would have caused.)

I have to say, you have a lot more patience than I would have had. Motherfucker would've ended up with a facial of the same cleaning chemical after having been rendered unconscious. Then again, I guess it's a pretty damn big warning signal when someone gets his or her kicks from tormenting defenseless animals, no matter how briefly.

[ Parent ]

No man. (none / 1) (#53)
by Dr Caleb on Tue May 31, 2005 at 09:15:35 PM EST

Nenday Conures. They are far from quiet, if they sense a threat. Quite capable of breaking glass, if they get into their highest octave and volume limit.

They didn't trust him, and would let out a shriek roughly capable of making your ears ring. He never even tried to gain a little of their trust, instead electing to beat on the cage with a broom. Two handed. He actually bent a 10 gauge brass cage. And so they trusted him less, and the cycle escalated.

I use a spray of cold water to dicipline them if nessecary. I don't think he meant to use a caustic cleaner, he just grabbed whatever was at hand. But he got a 24 hour eviction or I'd call the SPCA on him. The fine for intentionally causing an animal harm here is $5000 and/or 6 months in the grey bar hotel.

I wonder if he's out kicking puppies right now.


Vive Le Canada - For Canadians who give a shit about their country.

There is no K5 cabal.
[ Parent ]

How in God's name (none / 1) (#72)
by HollyHopDrive on Thu Jun 02, 2005 at 09:39:10 AM EST

can anyone mistake a caustic substance for water? I'm an animal lover and this story infuriates me - and I haven't even met your parrots. If someone did something like that to my animals, I'd bind and gag them and then leave them somewhere remote. Then I would leave a trail of cryptic clues, each more complicated than the last, Da Vinci Code style, in the RSPCA's letterbox. Let God decide whether they found the fucker on time.


I make too much sense to be on the Internet.
[ Parent ]

The only way... (none / 1) (#75)
by The Amazing Idiot on Thu Jun 02, 2005 at 01:03:55 PM EST

I could even TRY to understand this is if the chmicals were in an unmarked bottle.

For some reason, I highly doubt this. Ive had run ins with these same animal-haters who'd stoop to things like this.

[ Parent ]

Suck College Roommate (3.00 / 7) (#42)
by catseye on Tue May 31, 2005 at 11:31:12 AM EST

Here's my suck roommate experience. In my first year of college I lived on campus in one of the older dorms. Two people to a room, two rooms to a bathroom. This wasn't too bad. The girls next door were both really nice, although very religious, and got along well with each other. At first, my roommate seemed nice. She was quite pretty, had done modeling, and had traveled around Europe doing the youth hostel thing. She'd also managed to keep up her grades while working & travelling, at least enough to get into the private university, so I figured she was pretty bright. Nice, bright, pretty... By the end of the year all I could really say was, "Yup, she's still pretty."
  • She lost her key on a regular basis and left the door unlocked all the time. She couldn't seem to comprehend that just because she didn't own anything worth stealing didn't mean that I didn't.
  • She got a ferret and let it run wild in the room, eating everything (food or not) and shitting everywhere.
  • She moved her boyfriend into the room. At least he was cleaner than the ferret. I found a kindred soul in him because hated that damned weasel too. We'd open the window and put food out on the ledge, hoping that it would be tempted to get it so that we could say it escaped (didn't want to lie or just kill it).
  • She took the legs off her bed and lost the screws, leaving me with a $14.00 screw bill at the end of the semester.
Now, it's obvious that everything she did was against the dorm rules. I reported everything she did to the R.A., who not only refused to do anything about it, but refused to accept a request to try to find a new roommate. About the only thing I could do was make sure to always lock the door and rarely be there, that way every time she lost her key (at least 10 times during the year) she had to pay $20.00 for a new key.

The next semester, I lived off campus with friends.

----------
How can we fight Islamic Fundamentalism abroad if we do not fight Christian Fundamentalism at home?

downstairs (none / 1) (#44)
by mpalczew on Tue May 31, 2005 at 12:40:08 PM EST

I rented out the downstairs of my house to a friend.  He lived there for 4 months and had an incredible amount of clothes.  He only did his laundry once.  The smell was incredible.  He got kicked out.
-- Death to all Fanatics!
The Jerk (2.85 / 7) (#45)
by doubletwist on Tue May 31, 2005 at 01:45:15 PM EST

I had a roommate that was just a 1st-class grade-A jerk.
The three of us got a 3br apartment. He [we'll call him 'jerk'] was friends with the other roommate [well call him 'Joe'] who had been my roommate at another house. First of all, his credit was so bad that the deposit was increased by $500. Joe and I both agreed that since it was his fault it was increased, he should pay the $500 extra, and the rest would be split 3 ways. Of course he didn't have it then so Joe and I paid it with the understanding that Jerk would pay us back. He never did, which in the end is no big deal since I got it back when I left but the point is that this guy never kept a single promise he made.

For this 3 br apartment we got 1 parking space. Joe didn't have a car, so Jerk and I agreed that we would split the cost [$20/mo] of another parking space which he would use. Well he never put himself on the waiting list for the space and constantly parked in my space.

One day we got a phone bill [unfortunately in Joe's name] with over $300 worth of 900-number charges on it. Joe and I both knew it was Jerk who made the calls. I was out of town on most of the dates they were made, and I knew Joe pretty well and he's not the kind of guy who calls 900 numbers. Jerk on the other hand definitely is. Jerk regularly received Russian mail-order bride catalogs in the mail. Such a sad sick guy. Naturally he wouldn't admit to making the calls and wouldn't pay for them. Joe was able to talk the phone company in to drastically reducing the charges and blocking future 900 calls, but we ended up having to pay for what was left.

And lets not forget the fact that Jerk refused to even be friends with my ex-gf at the time [now my wife, long story] simply because she wouldn't put out for him. Where do these jerks come from?

So Jerk, wherever you are you'd better know that I'd just as soon beat the sh*t out of you as look at you.
This .sig is under construction...

Here's your problem (3.00 / 2) (#47)
by Shajenko on Tue May 31, 2005 at 07:23:03 PM EST

If I had somebody who would pay my debts for me, and keep believing me after I lied repeatedly, I would be tempted into taking advantage. If I were the kind of person who continually lied and had horrible credit that was fully my fault, I'd definitely take advantage.

[ Parent ]
Summary: (none / 1) (#56)
by BJH on Wed Jun 01, 2005 at 03:41:41 AM EST

You're a jerk too.
--
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
-- Oscar Levant

[ Parent ]
Act like a doormat... (none / 1) (#89)
by GRiNGO on Tue Jun 07, 2005 at 11:22:54 AM EST

...and you get treated like one.

--
"I send you to Baghdad a long time. Nobody find you. Do they care, buddy?" - Three Kings


[ Parent ]
K5 isn't dying! (3.00 / 7) (#46)
by LilDebbie on Tue May 31, 2005 at 04:42:01 PM EST

It's much, much worse than we though; it's turning into livejournal!

My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden.
- hugin -

Nah, sorries like this have existed for years. (none / 0) (#79)
by Holonic Zenmaster on Fri Jun 03, 2005 at 07:27:38 AM EST

Seriously, go into archive.org and see what this site has had before.

[ Parent ]
What was really great... (3.00 / 4) (#48)
by skyknight on Tue May 31, 2005 at 07:39:41 PM EST

was when I had my laptop stolen at 5AM by someone who actually came into my bedroom while I was sleeping there, and afterward I had to ask my house mates to hide their drug paraphernalia so I could have the police make a visit so I could file the report I would need to make an insurance claim. Ugh.

It's not much fun at the top. I envy the common people, their hearty meals and Bruce Springsteen and voting. --SIGNOR SPAGHETTI
Obligatory response (none / 1) (#62)
by daani on Wed Jun 01, 2005 at 10:55:36 PM EST

That's not crappy roommates, that's living in an oppressive country with outdated laws and idiot police :)

But I see your point.


[ Parent ]

Yes, indeed... (2.50 / 2) (#63)
by skyknight on Wed Jun 01, 2005 at 11:05:02 PM EST

but for better or for worse it is the country that I call my own.

It's not much fun at the top. I envy the common people, their hearty meals and Bruce Springsteen and voting. --SIGNOR SPAGHETTI
[ Parent ]
The definitive book on the topic of flatmates (none / 1) (#52)
by Shibboleth on Tue May 31, 2005 at 09:14:49 PM EST

If you ever think you've got it bad; get a copy of John Birmingham's 'He died with a felafel in his hand.'

Incredibly hilarious, though somewhat aussie-centric.

Technology and Culture from the Trenches? (1.06 / 16) (#54)
by heptapod on Tue May 31, 2005 at 11:35:47 PM EST

Jesus fuck, is this the alternative to Slashdot or is this LiveJournal? Wait, Slashdot is catching up with this innovative site with a Science post of "MIT Discovers why PiNaY GrRlZ rAwK"!!!1111oneone!!11eleven Next time why dontcha post that some obscure, deceased pulp novelist laid you out at GenCon for making fun of Cory Doctorow!!!!!1111 Now that's FP gold!!!111oneone

Knives are for cutting food, not the wall... (none / 1) (#55)
by moonty on Wed Jun 01, 2005 at 02:18:42 AM EST

Worst I had was a roommate that ran around the floor with a butcher's knife the night before I left the complex; the next morning, there were holes across the hallway and in people's doors, plus several broken knives that I would rather have kept. That was the absolute worst he got, though.

The walls were paper thin (3.00 / 7) (#57)
by HollyHopDrive on Wed Jun 01, 2005 at 10:29:37 AM EST

and her music would nearly bring them down. It was awful music, too. For some reason, I actually couldn't hear it from my room, but the other two girls in the house could, and it drove them to distraction.

There was the time I flicked on the grill, innocently thinking I would make myself some cheese on toast. Within seconds the kitchen was full of choking grey smoke. My eyes started to sting and stream, and when I tried to find a dishcloth to hold over my nose and mouth and I tried to find out what was burning, I realised it was gone. A flash of heat from the side revealed to me that she had left the dishcloth on top of the grill, its corner poking into the vent, right where the flames were. It was only the flames I could see - the rest was out of site. It was on fire. Gasping and barely able to see, I grabbed the dishcloth and flung it into the sink. Our house stank for days. She never apologised, but complained I had made the house cold by leaving the door and window open to try to release the smoke.

She decided to make stuffed peppers for us all one evening, which we thought might be by way of apology for the loud music and kitchen fires. After an hour, smoke was seeping out from under the door and we could hear assorted crashes and swearwords from the kitchen. We were about to storm the room in alarm, when she flung open the door and stood before us, against a kitchen full of smoke, face red, hair wild, and gasped, "How black is it supposed to go?"

When she bought a new hairdryer, I and another housemate offered to show her how to wire the plug. "It's useful," we said.
"No, I can just work it out when the time comes," she said. "I prefer to work these things out at the time."
"Come on, it takes two minutes to learn."
"No! I don't want to be like that. I'm good at working things out. The other day, when you guys were out, I couldn't remember how to use the tin opener, but I worked it out. See? I can work things out."
"God, are you sure you're taking the right degree?" I asked. "You're wasted on English. With that kind of ability, you should be taking mechanical engineering." She was not amused.

Neither was she joking about the tin opener. It was an ordinary, manual can opener, not electronic (we dreaded to think what accident she would cause with one of those). Eventually, we introduced her to ring-pull tins. She never looked back.


I make too much sense to be on the Internet.

Time to find the fuse (3.00 / 2) (#69)
by livus on Thu Jun 02, 2005 at 05:35:17 AM EST

for her bedroom, and simply remove it.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
I haven't lived with her for about 3 years (2.50 / 2) (#70)
by HollyHopDrive on Thu Jun 02, 2005 at 05:56:21 AM EST

but there were times when the rest of us were sorely tempted to seal her in her room for good, fuse or no fuse.


I make too much sense to be on the Internet.
[ Parent ]

You know, there was more (3.00 / 4) (#73)
by HollyHopDrive on Thu Jun 02, 2005 at 10:10:59 AM EST

She was always going out and not locking the door or setting the alarm. When I asked her if it would be a good idea to leave a sign reminding us all to lock the door and set the alarm on exit, she accused me of patronising her. I left the sign and she continued not to lock the door or set the alarm out of spite.

When a friend of ours and her boyfriend were attacked by a group of yobs with a metal bar late one night, I pleaded with her to stop wandering about alone at night. Again, she accused me of patronising her.

She was messy and dirty. The rest of us were just messy. I hoovered her room because she was allergic to dust, but she never did as much as run a J-cloth over a stained surface. She would leave communally owned vessels and crockery unwashed for days and days until the food was caked on so thoroughly nobody could get it off. She would kick off her shoes in the middle of the living room where anyone could trip over them. If you tucked them away under the table, out of the way, she would get angry at you for hiding her possessions.

I am a vegetarian, and my housemates were Hindu and Jewish. Yet she would cook beef and pork in our pots and once did not clean the beef fat off the cooker for three weeks.

She had no concept that one of our number was a hardworking medical student who sometimes had to change her plans. I once came home to find the trainee doctor looking stunned. She had discovered she had a deadline the next day and had had to cancel her plans to go out to a club that night with Housemate from Hell. H from H had stormed upstairs in blaze of anger and refused to talk to us for hours.

She made passes at any guy who seemed interested in any one of us. A male friend of ours once pounced on me at a ball and kissed me, completely unexpectedly, to try to get her to leave him alone. My boyfriend and I got together over this period, and initially we kept things secret between us because we were going to be housemates the next year and we thought we could end things by then. The other housemates are convinced to this day that I kept things secret to prevent the advances of Housemate from Hell. Ha. I'd have liked to see her try.

Even if we were out in a group of ten people, and nine of us were tired by 2am and wanted to go home, she would not ever leave until the club closed. We could not leave her there to come home alone. More than once, we would sit outside on the steps, waiting for her to come out. She had no sense of communal responsibility.

The year after I escaped, she lived with two girls, both of whom started suffering from depression - not as a result of her, but she certainly didn't help. One of the depressed girls' sisters asked her please to keep her music down, because it was very difficult for the other girls to sleep. She replied, "Doesn't anyone care what it's like for me, living with two depressed people?"

She once came in as the other girls and I sat glued to the television and snorted, "God, the rubbish you lot watch" as she crossed the room. We were watching the news. The stacks of Dawson's Creek videos behind our television set were all hers.

We kept a pack of emergency feminine supplies in our bathroom on the understanding that if you needed one or two unexpectedly, you would use them and then replace them once you'd popped out to the corner shop (a minute away) and bought your own supplies. Eventually, the three of us kept our own emergency supply in a secret location because she would simply use up all the ones in the bathroom and neither inform us nor replace them.

And when she used our toothpaste without asking, she always, and I mean ALWAYS, squeezed it from the middle of the tube.


I make too much sense to be on the Internet.
[ Parent ]

Oh Please (3.00 / 5) (#58)
by Noexit on Wed Jun 01, 2005 at 10:33:47 AM EST

Such weak stories. I lived for 6 weeks once in a 2 bedroom house with the following:

A. One ex-convict (recently paroled) with a heroin/crack/meth addiction. He was also a thief and a con-man, hence the convict part.

B. One mamas boy alcoholic who was married to the ex-convicts mother and was two years younger than the ex-con.

C. One heroin/crack addict who probably had AIDS. He didn't properly pay his child support and he stole my car.

D. One crack addict nymphomaniac who fucked at least two of the above regularly (2-3-4 times per day), usually taking on at least 2 at a time.

Absolutely true, every word of it.

were you by any chance (none / 0) (#68)
by livus on Thu Jun 02, 2005 at 05:28:50 AM EST

a dealer?

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
No I wasn't (3.00 / 2) (#74)
by Noexit on Thu Jun 02, 2005 at 12:35:16 PM EST

But maybe I should have been. Certainly had access to the market.

[ Parent ]
WHERE IS THE .... (none / 0) (#59)
by Croydon on Wed Jun 01, 2005 at 12:52:53 PM EST

Just put it back where you found it!!!!

Roommates from hell.. what about guests from hell? (3.00 / 2) (#61)
by totallywired on Wed Jun 01, 2005 at 09:55:05 PM EST

About a year ago I lived in a fairly large apartment with 3 friends of mine. The experience was as horrible as it was incredibly surreal. My roommates were incredibly disorganized and messy. What was at first a very clean and tidy apartment with no offensive odor was reduced to smelling like the bathrooms at the Philadelphia public library and looking like a war zone in less than a week. The problem didn't lie squarely on the shoulders of my roommates but our guests as well. I don't have time to go through everything that happened in the 10 months I lived there, but, a quick list of the most insane: 5)Day one: Drank a bottle of Jack Daniels, 5 Rolling Rocks, and half a bottle of Southern Comfort before loosing my stomache bile over everything in my room. My roommates faired worse then I, but unfortunately we were drinking in my room because it was the largest as I was sharing the room with another roommate. The smell was sickening, and a good majority of the vomit was so well entrenched in the carpeting that it took us a few months of cleaning to get it to stop smelling, but the carpet never quite returned to it's original colour. 4)Once a month: DMX trips. We'd drink a bottle (or sometimes 2, or 3) of maximum strength tussin and go totally out of our minds. Stranger things have never happened, luckily we were in a shower and the lights were off so I couldn't remember what happened that one night if I wanted to... 3)The kitchen: Got incredibly messy after a party one evening. It never recovered. No amount of cleaning would help. Our sink was backed up with some sort of oily liquid which we latter determined was highly flammable (one of my roommated lit a back-scratcher on fire and then tossed it in the sink, which promptly erupted in a ball of flame). During the time the sink was out of commission the dishes were instead stored in one of the showers. It took us almost a month to fix the sink (we were broke and had to replace the disposable unit) and another week to clean all of the dishes. 2-1)Our schizophrenic friend came over. He brought 15 Forties. We drank them all. He walked around the apartment (and outside) with his pants off and masturbating. One of my roommates had sex with him (she was drunk and was swayed by the size of his penis, luckily I was totally drunk so I can't remember what his penis was... I've been assured it was huge though). Then his girlfriend came over. Many things were broken.

Oh god, THE HORROR! (3.00 / 3) (#64)
by der on Thu Jun 02, 2005 at 12:13:33 AM EST

You're telling me... your roomates...

Left things laying around?!?!

Oh. My. God. Your life must be hell. Surely there's some course of legal action you can take to right this crime against humanity!

...

There's two of them, perfectly normal sounding college-aged peoples. Then there's one of you, who gets his panties in a bunch about shit left on a coffee table.

(Hint: They're not the bad roomates, mommy.)



I've got you all beat... (3.00 / 9) (#65)
by ktakki on Thu Jun 02, 2005 at 01:23:07 AM EST

Having rented a dilapidated old Victorian house in the Allston section of Boston for 16 years (1987-2003), I clearly have the upper hand when it comes to bad housemate stories. Here's a few samples:

  • Maura was an artist of some repute, having done album covers for some fairly big indie artists back in the '80s. She nailed a sirloin steak to the wall and drew sketches of it during its various stages of decomposition. In August.
  • Mike was another artist, with a predilection for cocaine, single-malt scotches, and crossdressing. He'd crank up either Metallica or bagpipe music on his stereo while he'd paint, until he was too high to hold his brushes. Then he'd get in his car and drive to the mall to shop for Misses and Juniors fashions.
  • Janet was a taxi driver with a succession of serial killer boyfriends. One of them, a drifter named Tex, was taken down by the police in front of our house and extradited to Oklahoma, where he stood trial for murder.
  • Tom liked to save his urine in one gallon plastic milk jugs.
  • Kevin was a heroin addict. When I kicked him out of the house after six narcotics detectives came looking for him, he sued me. I won by default after he overdosed.
  • John had a dog, a yellow Labrador Retriever, who crapped in his cage regularly. Big smelly piles of crap. John also had a cache of unregistered handguns in his tool chest.
  • Quent lived off of a settlement check he got after a Bobcat crushed his foot on a construction job. He'd spend his days smoking freebase and his evenings at the local bar. Our living room, of course, became the site for the nightly after-last-call gatherings.
  • Josh never bought food, preferring instead to graze from whatever was in the fridge at the time. When we had a party, he put out a bowl of dog food, with broccoli crudites lining the bowl to make it look like some sort of dip. The dog food was about 1/3rd consumed before I figured out what was going on.
  • Jenn had boyfriend issues, and a snake she kept in a poorly secured cage. She bruised easily, mostly from throwing herself down the stairs. It was either a pathetic attempt to cull sympathy or a deranged plea for help.
  • Jenna and her boyfriend Charlie, a hair-metal guitar player, shared a room. That didn't stop her from turning tricks.
  • Alison was bulimic. But she'd vomit in the hallway instead of in the bathroom.
  • Morten was a Danish jazz guitar player. I can honestly say that his playing was worse than stepping in a pile of hallway vomit with bare feet.
And that's just off the top of my head. I'm sure that if I went through the rent ledger and looked at all of the names of people I've lived with, I could spin some really stupid housemate stories.


k.
--
"In spite of everything, I still believe that people
are really good at heart." - Anne Frank

Should we judge you by the company you keep? /nt (3.00 / 2) (#71)
by HollyHopDrive on Thu Jun 02, 2005 at 05:57:12 AM EST


I make too much sense to be on the Internet.
[ Parent ]

Yes. (3.00 / 3) (#81)
by ktakki on Sun Jun 05, 2005 at 12:56:46 AM EST

The people I didn't write about, people who were friends, bandmates, business partners, don't merit mention because these stories aren't as interesting. They outweighed the occasional sociopath.

The best period was the dot.com era, 1994-1999, when we had offices and studios in four of the bedrooms and only five people living in a house that had seen as many as nine people living there (with two kitchens and two bathrooms). It was a nice quiet place after business hours.

We had the whole place wired for Ethernet, video, audio, and had a Nortel PBX in the basement serving a dozen stations throughout the house. This was before DSL/cable broadband came to our neighborhood so we paid $375/mo. for a fractional T1. I was running a recording studio from the third floor with a multi-line audio snake running down to the basement (along with tie lines to the kitchen, where I had a piano, and the two bathrooms, which we used for vocal isolation booths). One of my business partners had a video editing suite on the second floor.

The business was sold before the crash, and the operations were moved out of the house, which meant filling the empty rooms with people who actually used the bathrooms and kitchens. About four years later, the landlord sold the house, which meant we all had to move. It was the end of an era. Stumpworld (named after the stash of amputee pornography the previous tenants had left for us) was no more.


k.
--
"In spite of everything, I still believe that people
are really good at heart." - Anne Frank

[ Parent ]

This should be set to the music of ... (none / 1) (#76)
by Mr.Surly on Thu Jun 02, 2005 at 02:47:06 PM EST

... 88 lines about 44 women

[ Parent ]
There's always one like you (none / 1) (#77)
by anothertom on Thu Jun 02, 2005 at 07:02:37 PM EST

among roommates, and n-1 of the "others". I don't know why, but that's the way it works.

I spent years living with friends, today I am living with my long term girlfriend - and call it universal justice, or god's hand, now I am the one, which is sometimes really driving me insane.

    Some of my experiences:
  • First time constellations of roommates never work.
  • Don't waste your nerves, they will have enough of the everlasting disorder and dirty dishes soon - if you won't clean up behind them
  • If you absolutely can't stand living like this, ask yourself if you shouldn't be better living on your own
--

I agree with point 1 especially (none / 0) (#84)
by HollyHopDrive on Mon Jun 06, 2005 at 07:22:52 AM EST

At a lot of universities, the house hunt starts stupidly early in the year. First year students don't realise that nobody is ever left homeless and that new properties spring up all the time. Landlords terrify them with horror stories of students living in cardboard boxes and bus shelters, and they capitulate in fear to the first shady character offering them the back end of illegal, flat-pack "houses" that are only one step up from a house of cards.

Or maybe that was just us in the second year.

At any rate, if you start househunting in January, you make your housemate groups by Christmas. In the first year, that means you've known the people for just two or three months, and probably only from the fact that they happened to have the room next to yours in halls of residence.


I make too much sense to be on the Internet.
[ Parent ]

Sadly, I had the *best* flatmate... (none / 1) (#80)
by OzJuggler on Sat Jun 04, 2005 at 10:33:33 AM EST

For one year up until 2 months ago I had the best flatmate one could hope for - especially considering all the stories you guys are telling.

He would pay his share of the rent every fortnight and... he was NEVER THERE. He was ALWAYS staying at his girlfriend's parents' house. I mean he seriously dropped in (usually when I wasn't home) once every two weeks to pick up mail and leave his share of the rent on the table. What an idiot! I had all the advantages of living alone, plus the benefit of paying only half the rent!

Of course, I could have done with a *bit* of conversation and excitement in those 12 months. I'm about to start sending out "flatmate wanted" adverts and I hope to <DEITY/> that I don't get anyone like the ones in these comments.

OzJuggler.
"And I will not rest until every year families gather to spend December 25th together
at Osama's homo abortion pot and commie jizzporium." - Jon Stewart's gift to Bill O'Reilly, 7 Dec 2005.

I had an even better one (none / 1) (#88)
by ucblockhead on Mon Jun 06, 2005 at 05:41:51 PM EST

She'd worked on fishing boats in Alaska. She showed up, filled the freezer with frozen salmon products, said "help yourself!" and then proceeded to spend all her time at her boyfriend's house.

(Though that wasn't half as good as one of my other roomates, who I married.)
-----------------------
This is k5. We're all tools - duxup
[ Parent ]

My roommate was a rapist (none / 1) (#82)
by clambake on Sun Jun 05, 2005 at 11:57:49 PM EST

He'd rape women, usually girls where were young enough to never had had any real relationship and didn't know how to act towards strange men, then laugh about how he degraded them and how they would cry and scream with the neighbor next door.

I learned the face of evil very early on.

You reported him to the police (none / 0) (#83)
by HollyHopDrive on Mon Jun 06, 2005 at 07:15:58 AM EST

right?


I make too much sense to be on the Internet.
[ Parent ]

Didn't help... (none / 1) (#85)
by clambake on Mon Jun 06, 2005 at 09:58:59 AM EST

All I could say is hearsay...  A few women did report him to the scool, and maybe the police as well, but I guess all the evidence was he-said/she-said so nothing came of it...  Depressing, but shows you what the priorities are in the world, because they caught a lot of file-sharers in the same period...

[ Parent ]
Rape statistics are very depressing (none / 0) (#86)
by HollyHopDrive on Mon Jun 06, 2005 at 11:12:48 AM EST

It can be very difficult to prove rape, and nigh on impossible if the victim didn't have a medical examination afterwards. Even bruises and internal injuries don't necessarily prove force was used - "she liked it rough" is a common line of defence.


I make too much sense to be on the Internet.
[ Parent ]

Crowbar (none / 1) (#92)
by actmodern on Wed Jun 08, 2005 at 03:47:17 PM EST

It's called a crowbar and I'm sure a jury would have sided with you if you explained things nicely.


--
LilDebbie challenge: produce the water sports scene from bable or stfu. It does not exist.
[ Parent ]
College roomates (3.00 / 2) (#87)
by strawser on Mon Jun 06, 2005 at 12:35:52 PM EST

I had several in college. One of them used to use a whole bowl full of ketchup for everything he ate. He'd leave half the bowl. THen he'd start to use it as an ash tray to stick his cigarettes into to put them out.

I had several who flatly refused to do their own dishes. At first, I did all the dishes once, but then they acted as if that meant I was the mommy of the apartment who had to do all the dishes. I eventually took all the dishes from the sink -- I mean after having left them there about two weeks -- and put them on the back porch. They got new dishes and did the same thing.

One used to sleep with a loaded pistol under his pillow, and kept another one in the bathroom closet, incase something should happen while he's in the shower.

That one and another one used to share a girlfriend. When the one got up for work, she'd climb up onto the top bunk with the other one, and go back to sleep. (Or not back to sleep).

One of the ones I had for just one semester was probably over 450 pounds, and legally blind. He had special super-thick coke-bottle glasses, with special little extra bubbles of coke-bottleness on them. He would sit with his face touching the TV screen to watch TV. We were on the third floor and after he made it up the stairs with his big fat-ass, he'd be huffing and heaving and wheezing like some awful beast from the 7th circle of Hell. In the middle of the night, it was creepy and frightening. He'd gulp down a whole can of 7up and then heave and wheeze some more.

He kept his frozen pizzas in the cupboard and never washed his pizza pan. I felt sorry for him because I thought he just didn't know any better, since he couldn't see the directions that said KEEP FROZEN, and couldn't see the pan. I put his frozen pizzas in the freezer once, and he got upset and started keeping them under his bed. I trried to wash his pizza pan, thinking that once he noticed how nice it was to wash your dish once every couple of months, he'd be happy and start doing it himself, but instead he started keeping that under his bed, too.

I had one country as hell roommate who used to come in and cook a big ass pot of collard greens, eat one bowl, put the rest int he fridge, then leave. He'd ONLY come home to eat collard greens. His girlfriend wouldn't let him cook the nasty smelling things in her house, so he kept an apartment just to cook and eat collard greens in.

I had one extremely wealthy young black roommate who was always talking about how the man was keeping him down. He lived between Los Angeles, where his dad was the president of some massive international corporation, and Miami, where his mom was the president of some massive international corporation, but spent the summer on campus at UNF, which his uncle was the president of. He was always upset about how oppressed and downtrodden the crackers were keeping him.

I had one roommate who was a goofy as hell, nice, super wholesome freshman kid. He was on a basketball scholorship, and one of the ball players decided to teach him to quit being shy around women. After the first time he got laid, he couldn't stop. Every cute girl he saw, he'd go score a date with. Before the semester was out, he needed us to run recon missions before he could leave the apartment, because he had about five girlfriends all in the same building, plus more in all the surrounding buildings, and he was terrified of getting caught.

I had one Chinese roommate who couldn't speak Chineese, but his parents couldn't speak English. He'd use a Chinese to English dictionary to correspond with them. He would muble everything he said. I could barely understand a word. He also used to talk to himself. He'd debate with himself on what he wants to eat, and he'd tell himself what he thought about what an asshole you are, but he didn't seem to be aware that you could hear him. He had the most massive porn collection of all times, but he would get super-fucking jeallous if he found out anyone looked at it. When he found out my girlfrind was showing it to her friends when we had parties, he got boxes to lock it all up in. He used to pretend to be asleep and he'd wack off on the sofa. He'd stop fluffing the sheets after he realized there were other people in the room, but if you left the room, waited two minutes and looked back in, he'd be fluffing the sheets again.

I hated living on campus.



"Traveler, there is no path. You make the path as you walk." -- Antonio Machado

He got jealous that others could see his porn? (none / 1) (#90)
by HollyHopDrive on Wed Jun 08, 2005 at 08:30:52 AM EST

What, did he think all those busty teenage lesbians REALLY WERE doing it all JUST FOR HIM in a PRIVATE AUDIENCE OF ONE?


I make too much sense to be on the Internet.
[ Parent ]

He was a bit special (none / 0) (#91)
by strawser on Wed Jun 08, 2005 at 11:29:04 AM EST

That was an exceptionally weird individual. It was on-campus apartments, and I think the guy doing the apartment assignments was trying to punish me for terrible sins in a previous life, because I got an awful lot of whack jobs.

Then again, they may well be saying the same thing about me.

"Traveler, there is no path. You make the path as you walk." -- Antonio Machado
[ Parent ]

Roommates from Hell | 92 comments (75 topical, 17 editorial, 0 hidden)
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