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The Compleat Gentleman - MMM's Guide to Bitches, Buddies and Booze

By MotorMachineMercenary in Culture
Wed Nov 29, 2006 at 12:00:00 PM EST
Tags: gentleman, bitches, buddies, booze (all tags)

This article is not about what George Carlin called the pussification of the (American) male. This article is not about ever-lowering testosterone levels in men. This article is not about over-diagnosing of ADHD in adolescent males, the over-use of Ritalin to emasculate young men, not about the game of tag being banned on schoolyards in fear of liability or how TV, ads and movies lack positive, realistic male role models. And most importantly, this article is not about equality of the sexes.

This article is about how you can take charge of your own life. How you should take charge as the red-blooded, testosterone-filled, muscle-bound aggressive man you are. Now, don't get me wrong: there is still hope for you even if you are a girly-man who has words such as "sensitive" or "communication" in your everyday vocabulary, even if you are a pencil-neck who can't bench-press your own bodyweight or if you are a timid fuck who'd rather take Jill out to watch the latest chickflick than open her eyes and orifices to the wonderful world of anal sex. This article is for all of us and will guide you to a better life.


This article is about that better life, the three most important aspects of the male experience: bitches, buddies and booze. There are much more to being a man, but we'll start with the basics. When you have read through this article you'll have a better grasp on your balls and can claim your man-license which many of you never received. I'll start with a short introduction to explain what a gentleman is as there's a lot of confusion about this. Then I'll go over each of the three main topics and conclude.

A gentleman is a man who does what he does because that's what he's supposed to do. A man is supposed to take care of his bitch and his family. A man is supposed to be good with his hands. A man is supposed to be tough, unassuming and unyielding. If you think you're supposed to do something, do it. Gentlemen act, they don't fret, second-guess or hesitate. And if a gentleman makes a mistake or gets in trouble they don't bitch, moan or quibble. They admit to their mistake, try to undo the damage if possible, pay the price and move on.

A gentleman is like a cleaner: you don't notice him until he doesn't do his job. And just like cleaners, nobody appreciates gentlemen. That's what being a gentleman means: you do your job and your reward is the pride you have in doing that job right. If somebody actually notices, acknowledges or even rewards you, be humble and grateful that you are blessed with such a rare praise.

Gentlemen make the lives of people around them better by working hard, doing a good job and protecting them. This is doubly so for women around them, ten times so for the woman in his life and infinitely so for your family. You are supposed to do everything in your power to make your family the best family ever. That means you will balance work and leisure to make them better off; your needs and wants become secondary to theirs.

A gentleman is a good buddy who is dependable under all circumstances. There is no room for petty fights, backstabbing or jealousy. A good buddy pats his friend on the back when he gets a promotion. A good buddy kicks his friends in the nuts if they spend all their free time playing WoW or doing weed.

And most importantly, a gentleman will never complain about his part in life. A gentleman shouldn't complain, period, but you will never even imply that the requirements imposed on you are too much, that you can't handle them or that you aren't able to fulfil them. A gentleman does what he's supposed to do, otherwise he's a failure and should be treated as one. That is your duty and you carry that duty with pride.

BITCHES

Women do not want sensitive men who volunteer to change the diapers, discuss Desperate Housewives with her or who prefer cuddling after sex over pulling her hair during - although if you do both she'll appreciate that. They want real men despite all the hype. Just look at Hollywood stars. Tom Cruise became the laughing stock of the entire world after he went all out as the "ideal" pussified male on Oprah, a slave to the girl he loves. Gentlemen - or as much as such are found in Hollywood - such as Russell Crowe, Harrison Ford and Colin Farrell act in movies where they decapitate men with swords, kick the shit out of men half their age or "leak" sex tapes where they fuck Playboy Playmates. While many women pay lip service to the sensitive type, what they are really after is a man who can change a tire and ravish them in bed.

You've heard the phrase "why do women always go for the asshole?" You might be one of those men who ask that question. If you are, you're the problem, not the women. You are the one who has believed the false stereotype advanced by the most vocal, most extreme and most reality-detached subgroup of hirsute feminists. There are of course women who prefer the pussified male, but by and large women want a man who takes control in life and in the bedroom. Men who walk tall, have an unwavering stare and act more than talk. Anyone who claims that two or so generations of feminism has undone thousands of generations of evolution is an idiot and deserves the depression resulting in it. Besides, gentlemen don't get depressed, gentlemen get angry - the only emotion apart from stoic detachment allowed for a gentleman.

But how can you become an asshole? It is easy: do as you think is right. If she shows up late for a date, don't get crazy and slap the bitch to the next date. Confront her cordially but firmly that such behavior is not acceptable and you expect restitution. Leave what this restitution is up to her as it's an excellent way to gauge how much she really is into you. If you get a dessert in the form of a sloppy blowjob in the parking lot, you're golden. If she continually postpones restitution, forget her. Also, if she repeatedly commits disrespectful acts such as coming late for a date, acting like a bitch or requiring pampering without reciprocity, she's either a real bitch or testing you. If she's a bitch, leave her for the millions of pussified males who'd die to eat from her hand. If she's testing you, she wants to see if you are one of those millions of pussified males. So be an asshole but don't mistreat her. She wants you to set the boundaries now as she'll be pushing on those boundaries for the rest of your life. It is up to you to set them high enough so you'll have room to give in when you really need to.

Just to clarify once again, being an asshole doesn't mean being an abusive asshole. There's never a need to abuse a woman unless you act in self-defence - and if you need to do that you've failed it already. A real gentleman keeps his woman in check without resorting to physical or verbal abuse. Beating someone who is smaller and weaker than you is unbecoming a man. If you feel the need to resort to such acts you fail it and are either in need of incarceration or shotgun mouthwash if you have the balls for that.

Onto the thing most of you are looking for in this article: how to get pussy. First of all, there are reams of articles on how to get a woman to ream you. For example, google for "fast seduction" or "how to lay girls guide" as the techniques really do work, but only with a certain sub-group of bitches. The ones I go for - the cold, heartless bitches - couldn't care less how I can turn an everyday conversation into a multi-sensory journey into the pleasures of implied g-spot manipulation. To avoid this turning into a how to pick up women -guide I'll cover the techniques which apply to almost all women. These basic tools are usually overlooked and neglected in such guides for the simple reason that gentlemen always knew them.

There are only two things you need to get right to get ass: appearance and attitude. Attitude I've mostly gone through already, but the lowdown follows. Women look for a provider, a dangerous man who keeps them safe. Someone who will bring in the mammoth meat and keep the tribe next cave at bay. This holds whether you're looking for a one-night stand or an egg donor. Now, don't get me wrong: if you look like Jeffrey Dahmer and offer to eat her out over a glass of chianti, you won't get any. You need to look dangerous but approachable and sane. The main issue is that you have to believe everything you portray 100% or it won't work. Women can smell a fake gentleman a mile away. Some won't care but a lady will, and gentlemen fuck ladies.

How to go about all that is surprisingly easy: dress like you mean business, look around you like you're a lion checking out his pride but when you see her and your eyes connect, smile warmly. If she smiles back, you're in. If not, you have a bit more work to do or you can cut your losses early.

Dressing like you mean business brings us to appearance. You don't need to like George Clooney to get bitches. You'd be surprised to find out that the men who get the bitches usually look just like anyone else - look around. So, dress to impress and emit an aura of (relative) wealth. Whatever the other articles and ads tell you, shoes/watch/tie/etc. don't make a man; the complete package is what matters. Don't be conspicuous about how you dress unless you really know what you're doing or you're black - they can get away with everything - or gay - in which case this part of the article isn't really for you. Dress in clothes which set you apart from the typical crowd you frequent. If you're a banker you do need a Saville Row suit and a Rado watch. But if you're an emo rocker just wearing real leather pants and cutting yourself with the more expensive razor blades is enough. Sure Boss jeans are three times more expensive than Levi's but the bitches will be worth it. So ask yourself if getting quality pussy for the next year or so is worth three Xbox games or not.

Another part of appearance is your physique. Again, you don't need to look like Brad Pitt or The Rock to get women to swoon - although it certainly helps. Wide shoulders and back, solid chest, tight butt and chiselled abs is a good goal for any man and you'll fill your nice clothes better. Just keep yourself fit. Go to the gym a few times a week, lift weights and do cardio. When your physique is in good condition you'll ooze testosterone without the need to stick a needle in your thigh.

So, now that you have the attitude and appearance all you have to do is flaunt it. Not in the flaming way, but just get out and talk to women. The latter part is where the vast majority of men fail it when it comes to getting to use their dipstick. You need to be the one to open conversation. Sure there are women these days who will do that. But they will most likely not be the ones you'd go for. It doesn't matter where you talk to them. Talk to them in elevators, in lines or after class. If you're really timid talk with ugly ones first. And remember the ugly one usually has a hot friend tucked somewhere - this is where your buddies come in but more about that later. When your small-talk skills are up to par start moving up to more interesting topics such as snowballing sooner into the conversation. And when you have that down move on to prettier, more challenging women.

And remember: if you make her smile you're in.

When you get her in your apartment - which is clean, neat and tidy, especially the bathroom - you're on your own. You really need to start paying attention to how she speaks and acts. I know it's difficult for most men, but learning a bit of empathy is the difference between tickling her tonsils with your cock and a slap in the face and jerking off on Jenna Jameson and your 46" Sony. When you do get physical, remember that she comes first. Not only orgasmically, but in everything. I can assure you that if you make her feel good she'll return the favor. And in the rare cases she doesn't you've learned something about her and can act accordingly (hint: try to get her to do the vilest fantasies you got as you have nothing to lose). Take your time with the foreplay. I'm talking thirty to ninety minutes of it, from the first kiss to the time she touches your naked cock for the first time. You've probably given her an orgasm or two by that time.

The size of your cock doesn't matter. To you. To her it probably does but she won't tell you. Just like the size of her breastesses or the tightness of her pussy is something you'll always tell her are ok. As long as you're at least average you're fine, although be careful with bitches who listen to rap. If you still want more size the only safe and reliable way to get an extra inch is to shave your pubic hair. It does give you an extra visible inch and it's a great way to coax her to shave her pubes as well. In the end the best consolation for you is that if you get far enough with her for you to be concerned about your size it's too late: she'd have to be really picky to throw you out of her bed at that moment. Or maybe you really have a tiny pecker, pencildick.

When it's time to finally invade her make sure you have protection with you. A gentleman always carries a rubber or two. Although some guys swear by the mantra "I don't use condoms; I don't shower with an umbrella, either," don't be a moron and go bareback with a bitch you don't know. You can always rip the condom off and spooge on her face like the pornstar you (think you) are.

BUDDIES

Never apologize. Never. Saying you're sorry is a sign of weakness. The unwritten rule is that if a man admits he's made a mistake he is automatically exonerated of all wrongdoings - a rule which is largely forgotten by the pussified male who acts like a little bitch when wronged and gets a fit.

Don't ever let a bitch come between you and your buddies. Such behavior is for women. Your buddies are there for life. Women come and go. There are three billion women out there but only a few buddies worth your time. Or how many women do you think would laugh at your drunken story of how you puked on the airport concourse floor and passed out in the bathroom delaying the flight by 45 minutes, year after year? How many women don't really care about the zits on your back, your BO or your infatuation with big-titty Asian porn? Sure, your buddies don't have pussies, but every woman has one. So if your buddy has a bitch who looks better than your fantasies be happy for him and look for a hotter bitch for yourself.

But some men are weak. So if you do find your buddy stuffing his sausage into your bitch's bun, it's not his fault. She is the one to blame. Why? Because biologically men are polygamous and women are monogamous. While men produce literally trillions of sperm during their lifetime, women have just tens of eggs to go around. Therefore it is in a woman's best interest to find a man who is monogamous who will take care of her and the offspring. Men, on the other hand, can spread their seed far and wide and if a man sleeps around he's just doing what his ancestors would've been proud to do.

Now, there are a few of you who believe in the theory that women strive to be impregnated by the alpha male but prefer to be taken care of by the sensitive "dependable" man. But note that even if this theory holds, it is still the woman's fault. So, it is never your buddy's fault. Do what a man has to do to her. Hit your buddy in the face just to underline who's the boss although he fucked your bitch and go out and have a beer with him. Remember, buddies are for life. And now you have someone who can test all your future women's real level of commitment: you're both better off as he gets some pussy and you don't have to deal with a double-faced whore any longer. To show her you don't care offer to have a threesome; double-penetrating your ex is worth thousands in saved therapy sessions.

But buddies do play an important role in getting you laid: as wingmen. While the sole function of female friends of bitches is to make sure she doesn't get laid, the main function of your buddies is to facilitate you getting laid - this is only secondary to their own need to get laid. You will never cock-block a buddy who has called dibs on a bitch. You will always laugh at the bitch's ugly fat fuck friend's jokes, get her away from your friend and the hottie and even fuck that nastiness if that's required to get your friend laid. You know your buddy owes you big time if you do so, and next time you see Kiera Knightley at the bar partying with Roseanne Barr you know you've hit gold. Just pray that you get to call dibs first.

Being an asshole applies with buddies just as it does with bitches. If your buddies cross you can and should act upon it. Read: act, not talk. You talk to your bitches, you act with your buddies. Whether this means kicking the shit out of your best buddy is up to you. But you need to set the rules, otherwise the rules are set for you and they won't be in your favor. This is especially important when you meet new men that will become part of your life, roommates, workmates or at the gym. They'll probably tease you, belittle you and generally try to find your weak spot. Yes, it's kindergarten sandbox all over again, but this time it's about pussy, power and pesos. It is of imperative importance that the second such behavior occurs you shut them up. They'll know that you mean business and won't try again unless they really are tougher than you are - which should never happen to a gentleman. Usually in these situations it's advisable to use words as we're dealing with acquaintances. Later if they become your buddies you can and should roshambo them.

BOOZE

First rule of alcoholic beverages is moderation. You're supposed to drink every once in a while, not all the time. If you insist on drinking every day, no more than two drinks per day. If you become an alcoholic you are a failure and don't deserve to be treated like a gentleman. You can get shit-faced if you get fired or if a girl dumps you. If you do anything and everything you do will be forgiven by the next morning so remember to do anything and everything you would like to do but don't because it's a no-no. This includes picking fights with bouncers, making out with your reflection in the men's room mirror and playing Dance Dance Revolution. But the next day you get up, shake off the hangover and find a new job or bitch.

Also, drunken stupor is the only acceptable time for a gentleman to cry or question his own chances in life, as it gives them plausible deniability. Finally, while getting drunk after making a huge mistake is considered a faux pas, it can sometimes save the gentleman or his compatriots an even greater embarrassment due to the same unwritten deniability clause.

Second rule of alcoholic beverages is that the bottle which is more expensive tastes better than the one which costs less. If you remember this you'll be better off than 99% of your compatriots and you'll enjoy getting drunk more.

Then an exhaustive list of what to drink and where. Beer is the best drink for barbeques or Irish pubs. Wine goes with quiet dinners with your bitch at the restaurant. Mixed drinks and hard liquor are for loud clubs or classy bars. Cocktails, liqueurs, brandies and bossanovas are for bitches and faggots.

Beer is an increasingly over-appreciated alcoholic beverage. Too many men think it's the only good way to get drunk. Only plebes drink beer all the time. Gentlemen aren't plebes. You don't want to be a plebe. Beer is a good drink, don't get me wrong. It's perfect for BBQs with your buddies and on guys' night out - although if you have to call such nights that you need to re-examine your maleness. But beer has quite a few negatives. The second rule of alcoholic beverages doesn't hold most of the time as there are a lot of cheap beers which taste better than the "premium" shit that comes from the same tap at the brewery. It doesn't get you drunk unless you drink a gallon or so of it. So you need to empty your bladder constantly which cramps your style. Most beer tastes like crap and the ones that don't are tough to come by. And most importantly, if you're on the prowl you'll look like yet another failed male with a pint in your hand.

Enter wine. Many males shun wine because it's difficult to understand and there are so many different types. Some even claim wine is for fags, but anything that gets you bitches can't be all bad. Red wine for red meat, white for white meat and fish - although if you become a connoisseur that rule goes out the window. When you're in a restaurant or at the store pick one that's in the upper third of the price range. When the waiter brings the bottle he'll offer it to you. Look at the etiquette and nod. He'll pour you a finger or two. Sip it, taste it, swallow it. Say "tastes like wine," nod again and the waiter will pour you and her a full glass and everybody's happy. She probably doesn't know anything about wines either and you can exploit her ignorance. If you want you can try to be all eurotrashy and actually learn about wines, but that's up to you.

Mixed drinks and hard liquor are perhaps the best alcoholic drinks out there. They are strong so you don't have to drink twenty of them to feel it. They taste good as long as you find the ones that appeal to your palate. They don't (necessarily) make you look like a snob. And there are literally a million different ones so you'll never run out of things to try out if that's your thing. My poison of choice is gin & tonics. Some others go for bourbon, others for collinses. Just remember that these drinks are stronger so you have to practice so you don't make a fool out of yourself - although a gentleman does that occasionally. The only downside is that they're perhaps a bit more expensive than beer - but that works in your favor as bitches know this, too. Besides, when you just consider the alcohol-content the price is about the same. And when you're holding a gin & tonic in your hand they know that you're not the same as the frats around you.

---

Here you have the tools to be a Compleat Gentleman. It's not an exhaustive guide, but serves as a guideline for those of us who have lost their way in these troubled times. I can't tell you how to be a gentleman but this is an introduction to what a gentleman is: it is up to you to become one. It isn't easy to be a gentleman especially since many women and even some men claim to prefer a mentally castrated androgynous automaton. If you are a wannabe gentleman the journey won't be easy. You'll have to constantly remind yourself who you are, that things don't happen to you but that you make things happen. You'll get more ass and fortunes if you shed most of the modern nonsense of what a man is supposed to be. And most importantly, you won't be a fucking disgrace to our sex any longer.

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Poll
Man's most important asset
o His mind 39%
o His pen 2%
o His cock 11%
o His tie 2%
o His sword 6%
o His house 0%
o His woman 4%
o His hair 6%
o His car 2%
o His wealth 10%
o His health 13%

Votes: 88
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The Compleat Gentleman - MMM's Guide to Bitches, Buddies and Booze | 268 comments (170 topical, 98 editorial, 0 hidden)
I'm absolutely fucken speechless. (2.33 / 6) (#10)
by aural junkie on Wed Nov 29, 2006 at 10:34:54 PM EST

I can just imagine turning up to this site as a noob and seeing this on the front page.

I'd be in fucking hysterics.

Who the fuck do you think you are? K5 Weather? - Mr Strange

Upon seeing the remainder of the site... (none / 1) (#171)
by Scott Robinson on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 04:50:44 AM EST

... you would choke and die from laughter.

[ Parent ]
or you would move on and (none / 1) (#183)
by jangledjitters on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 11:07:48 AM EST

never come back. Definitely you would not submit anything.

hi
[ Parent ]
IFI. $ (none / 0) (#242)
by Scott Robinson on Tue Dec 05, 2006 at 09:23:49 PM EST



[ Parent ]
ZOMFG...thanks MMM! (1.83 / 6) (#26)
by terryfunk on Wed Nov 29, 2006 at 11:12:09 PM EST

you have saved the queue IMHO.

Thanks again

I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

holy shit..i saw a couple of typos, but was so (1.00 / 3) (#27)
by dakini on Wed Nov 29, 2006 at 11:44:03 PM EST

into reading this i forget where they are..great story i must say..informative to say the least..+1FP when this is put to vote..oooops heres a typo.."to be a (Compleat) Gentleman." compleat = complete..

" May your vision be clear, your heart strong, and may you always follow your dreams."
Can't spell, dumb as a stump... (3.00 / 4) (#33)
by BJH on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 01:41:39 AM EST

...you really are useless, aren't you?
--
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
-- Oscar Levant

[ Parent ]
Compleat (3.00 / 8) (#65)
by AxolotlFarmer on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 11:47:11 AM EST

The spelling of "compleat" is an intended reference to the 17th centure classic "The Compleat Angler" by Izaac Walton.

[ Parent ]
Some nordic barbarian (2.87 / 24) (#30)
by The Diary Section on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 01:19:11 AM EST

is going to tell me how to be a gentleman? I think not. You seem to be describing the behaviour of some sort of crass nouveau riche barrow boy, or perhaps a nervous "Frat" boy trying too hard.

Still, +1 FP for the lolz.

which nordic barbarians...? (none / 0) (#250)
by CAIMLAS on Wed Dec 06, 2006 at 04:02:35 PM EST

Which Nordic barbarians are you referring to? The hardasses who lived in the artic and thrived despite it, conquering, sacking, stealing women from, and generally supplanting the entire population of northern Europe, only to be denigated by Christianity and an ice age?

Or some other Nordic barbarians who limp-wrist bitch drinks to their pale lips and sulk in the corner at the bar?
--

Socialism and communism better explained by a psychologist than a political theorist.
[ Parent ]

err (none / 0) (#255)
by channel on Fri Dec 08, 2006 at 12:54:45 AM EST

denigated by Christianity ... don't you mean, CONQUERED by Christianity?

Marriage is a divine rite. It was part of God's design when He created man. - Royal Martyr Empress Alexandra Fedorovna.
[ Parent ]
... no. (none / 0) (#269)
by CAIMLAS on Thu Jan 18, 2007 at 05:38:05 AM EST

No, not conquered. Assimilated to some extent, maybe, but most of the Norse culture was lost in that transition of conversion. By that time, the Norse had already mostly succumbed to the ice age, with most of their colonies and trade routes just a memory.

Christianity did NOT 'conquer' the Norse militarily.
--

Socialism and communism better explained by a psychologist than a political theorist.
[ Parent ]

I wasn't aware that Christianity was around 12,000 (none / 0) (#270)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Thu Jan 18, 2007 at 09:48:14 AM EST

years ago. The earth being 6,000 years old and all that...

--
MMM: the thinking man's idiot
- zombie twisted sandshoe


[ Parent ]
End of Norse culture (none / 0) (#271)
by channel on Sat Mar 10, 2007 at 03:45:24 AM EST

.. is the topic at hand. It did not happen in 12,000 or even 6,000 years ago, it happened in the age of Christ, and it happened through the superior theology of Christianity.

Marriage is a divine rite. It was part of God's design when He created man. - Royal Martyr Empress Alexandra Fedorovna.
[ Parent ]
This article IS about pussification (2.86 / 23) (#31)
by NoControl on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 01:26:55 AM EST

To be a man, you have to look a certain way, and you have to dress a certain way, although this depends on your job. You have to buy expensive drinks. The only emotions you are allowed to show, hell the only ones you are allowed to have, are determination, anger and satisfaction. The only interests you are allowed to have are sex, work, and family, in that order.

To get sex, cater to what women want. Give the appearance of normality and security. Talk about the most banal, pointless things in order to get yourself ingratiated with the woman, then cater to her every desire every chance you get, but remember that one of those desires is for you to take control. Remember, the only thing you will ever want is sex, and everything you do or say should reflect this.

You are allowed friends, however make sure they follow the same rules you do. Any eccentricities should be destroyed with violence as soon as they surface. Again, your relationship is simply about sex, if they fuck someone you're fucking, you're going to lose either a friend or a bitch.

Saying no to a woman and explaining why is verbal abuse. To admit weakness is to be a girly-man. Escapism is the sure sign of a failure. Walking away from a situation is irresponsibility, the worst example of this is walking away from a job. Accept where you've ended up, don't challenge a thing, instead spend all your time working and fucking, until you're ready to create a family. Then settle into death, with the calm knowledge that you've led a great life.

Fuck that!

Well said <nt> (2.00 / 2) (#46)
by The Diary Section on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 05:20:34 AM EST


Parent ]

How cute, u think u can make a difference in life€ (1.66 / 3) (#48)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 07:57:51 AM EST


--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
didn't you say you're studying economics? (3.00 / 6) (#87)
by army of phred on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 02:55:41 PM EST

I mean thats pretty much admitting to being inconsequential yourself isn't it?

Damn nice sig tho.

"Republicans are evil." lildebbie
"I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about." motormachinemercenary
"my wife is getting a blowjob" ghostoft1ber
[ Parent ]

Yes. No. Thx /nt (none / 1) (#88)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 03:09:49 PM EST


--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
change your major (2.50 / 2) (#204)
by Jay Uptwist on Sun Dec 03, 2006 at 12:08:25 AM EST

Submit this as your thesis fro anthropology - k5 fell for it. You could level up with the bitches, get an elephant gun, cool hat, learn to talk like Peterman...

[ Parent ]
How cute, u think u can't make a difference (2.75 / 4) (#129)
by SoupIsGoodFood on Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 02:16:30 AM EST

I guess that shows who the real weak one is here. I don't think women are generally attracted to guys who think they're incapable of making a difference; that shows a lack of confidence -- certainly not alpha male stuff ROR!

[ Parent ]
You are misguided (2.28 / 7) (#34)
by Zombie Gautama Buddha on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 01:42:44 AM EST

Looks like someone has heavily invested in boosting their ego. Deep down inside you somewhere, something doesn't feel quite right, no matter how much of a man you make yourself. When you die, it is not your ego that remains -- that is simply a set of neurons and chemicals, which is now dead. Your ego is trapping your consciousness, and your consciousness is the only part of you that is truly aware; everything else is just feelings, the very thing that you seem to disapprove of.

In feeding yourself, you are not being compassionate, which is the path to true happiness. You will tell me that this is just hippie bullshit, but that is simply your ego protecting itself from the terrifying truth that sits right down at the root.

I feel as if you are too far gone -- you have invested so much into the idea of yourself that to break this identity would probably be too much to bare. But I would like to be proved wrong.

Introspection is a slippery slope to solipsism (1.50 / 4) (#52)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 08:14:11 AM EST

and gentlemen aren't solipsists.

--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
I don't recall saying anything about solipsism. $ (2.00 / 2) (#78)
by Zombie Gautama Buddha on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 01:15:48 PM EST



[ Parent ]
I don't recall understanding a word you wrote /nt (2.00 / 2) (#80)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 01:21:28 PM EST


--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
Then, my friend, (2.00 / 2) (#125)
by Zombie Gautama Buddha on Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 02:00:06 AM EST

that is your loss.

[ Parent ]
So gentleman are not introspective? (2.50 / 2) (#159)
by 1419 on Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 06:58:31 PM EST


Introspection is a "technique" unless you are meaning it in the casual sense of 'looking within'. The solipsist makes a claim about the world around them based on their senses not about their inner world.

I think you've made the slippery slope of confounding solipsism (claims about the world are limited to sense experience) with introspection (reporting ones internal state as a method of investigation).

Of course, I could be wrong.

[ Parent ]

Compleatly (ha) inside out (none / 1) (#164)
by The Diary Section on Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 09:46:40 PM EST

A solipsist considers the "external" world to really be an expression of his own mental states.

I think you are confusing solipsism with empiricism.

Parent ]

Well (none / 0) (#192)
by 1419 on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 03:55:43 PM EST

if you are talking about the "reality" of the solipsist.

I would say that no matter what a solipsist says reality stays right where it is and that is not in the perception of the person doing the perceiving but in the world around her.

Solipsism is, I think it could be said, a relative of empiricism, which says that reality is based on sense experience. But it is a matter of what is said about that experience that makes the difference.

[ Parent ]

Keep banging those rocks together, MMM! -nt (2.00 / 5) (#36)
by Kasreyn on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 01:45:53 AM EST

nt
"Extenuating circumstance to be mentioned on Judgement Day:
We never asked to be born in the first place."

R.I.P. Kurt. You will be missed.
this is quiet a piece of work (2.50 / 6) (#39)
by United Fools on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 02:22:41 AM EST


We are united, we are fools, and we are America!
holy shit thats an insult if I've heard one (3.00 / 7) (#86)
by cDiss on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 02:55:07 PM EST



[ Parent ]
This has to be satire, right? (2.33 / 6) (#41)
by SoupIsGoodFood on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 02:36:50 AM EST

It reminds me of the Frank T.J. Mackey character in Magnolia.

I didn't make it past the title (1.71 / 7) (#42)
by weedaddict on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 03:39:37 AM EST

+1 Fp

It's good to see some quality articles.

Reality has a certain cynical bias - Cattle Rustler
Satire or serious? (2.72 / 11) (#53)
by Sgt York on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 09:06:31 AM EST

If the former, it wasn't all that funny and you missed a lot of good jokes.

If the latter, the idea is compleatly flawed. Taking advice from you on how to be a gentleman would be like taking fitness advice from John Belushi.

Actually, if you're serious, that makes it the best kind of satire: unintentional.

There is a reason for everything. Sometimes, that reason just sucks.

MMM is dead serious (3.00 / 6) (#54)
by tetsuwan on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 09:17:25 AM EST

no doubt about it.

Njal's Saga: Just like Romeo & Juliet without the romance
[ Parent ]

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT /nt (2.00 / 2) (#55)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 09:22:33 AM EST


--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
Excellent (3.00 / 10) (#57)
by Sgt York on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 09:34:40 AM EST

Unintentional self deprecation. I love it, but I just can't bring myself to encourage him.

I've never been able to decide just how serious the MMM persona is. Many of the people here here put on some kind of front, most of the time a caricature of their real selves or some kind of mental defacation therapy (e.g. cts). I've just never been sure if MMM was one of those or just an overzealous troll. He's kind of like Egil in that respect, just not as funny and too homogeneous in his schtick.

There is a reason for everything. Sometimes, that reason just sucks.
[ Parent ]

You need to cite the Man Laws! (1.77 / 9) (#58)
by Orion Blastar Again on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 09:34:56 AM EST

Man Laws: Off Limits Rule.

Man Laws: Crushing Cans Rule.

Man Laws: The High Five.

Man Laws: The Garage Fridge.

Man Laws: Clinking Tops.

Man Laws: You Poke It You Own It.

Man Laws: Hiding Beer.

Man Laws: Breaking Plans.

There are a lot more, that agree with your story.

Learn how to be a liberal.
I can't believe it's not Liberalism!
"Thanks for the pointers on using the internet. You're links to uncylopedia have turned my life around." -zenador

I can't believe... (none / 0) (#61)
by BJH on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 11:08:09 AM EST

...they got that guy who sawed off his own arm to appear on that.
--
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
-- Oscar Levant

[ Parent ]
Thanks for those, that's brilliant (none / 1) (#66)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 11:53:37 AM EST

And WTF have you done to the OB I despise?

--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
I can't believe I am not Orion Blastar (none / 1) (#84)
by Orion Blastar Again on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 02:37:52 PM EST

I am really the alternate reality clone of Orion Blastar named Apollo Blastar. I am subbing for Orion Blastar at this time.

Learn how to be a liberal.
I can't believe it's not Liberalism!
"Thanks for the pointers on using the internet. You're links to uncylopedia have turned my life around." -zenador

[ Parent ]
This is my real account (3.00 / 3) (#85)
by Apollo Blastar on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 02:45:26 PM EST

Orion Blastar had to take some time off to be with his family. I am just a temp filling in for him, since he wrote that story in his diary.

[ Parent ]
mmm is halfway there about bitches (2.50 / 10) (#64)
by circletimessquare on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 11:40:59 AM EST

he never uses the word in the entire article, but the real concept driving his words is a deeper concept that he misses:

confidence

appearance, attitude, assholarity: these are all subsets of a confident man

and mmm only describes one method for achieving confidence, his method for achieving confidence. mmm's particular method for achieving confidence may not work for you, but there are plenty of ways to become a confident man, and mmm's method is but one of many

nervousness, indicision: the signs of an unconfident man are poison to the bitches. show you are unconfident, and watch her blink once as her entire perception of you drops into the basement, and in the next blink, she'll probably be gone

and, btw, it works both ways: an unconfident woman is equally poison to the man. that whininess and bitchiness are all manifestations of an insecure, unconfident woman. believe me, she may have a great tits to waist ratio, and she may be a great one night stand, but its going no further than that if she is constantly whiny and bitchy and insecure and lacking confidence. it's poison. it's intolerable. it's like fingernails on a chalkboard. no matter how great the tits and ass, you will run screaming from her after day 2 if she lacks confidence about herself, trust me. likewise, a not so hot but highly confident chick (i said not so hot, i didn't say ugly) who projects complete and utter attitude and wit and security is a total turn on. she makes you think about all the great deviant sex she is confident enough to try


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

whoa, i just observed this personally (3.00 / 3) (#70)
by the spins on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 12:01:11 PM EST

a moment of indecision in answering a question from a girl while i was distracted with doing something else definitely resulted in a negative reaction.

 _
( )
 X
/ \ SUPPORT THE DEL GRIFFITH MODBOMBING CAMPAIGN

[ Parent ]

Indeed (2.33 / 3) (#71)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 12:21:59 PM EST

You can upgrade to bitches one or two levels above your income level by possessing high confidence. By income level I don't mean hers, but yours, of course. A man in a nice suit wearing a Rolex but without balls will almost always be outshone by another wearing jeans and a Swatch but possessing balls of brass.

While I agree with you on the notion that women should be confident as well, one should note that women are invariably less confident than men. Even the toughest bitches who look like Heidi Klum and can make a boardroom shiver in fear are less confident than the average man who pulls ass at your local club. Women are just better at hiding their lack of confidence.

I believe this is mainly due to biology as women get their confidence from looks, so those who are hot have the most to lose due to age and they know it, even in young age. Men, on the other hand, mainly derive their confidence from income, which generally increase with age. Experience and skills of course play a role but are not as important since the ideal of a young woman and rich man are universal. But that doesn't explain how those tough bitches who don't sleep their way to the top still lack confidence.

And Margaret Thatcher, Condoleezza Rice and Carly Fiorina don't count as they are outliers.

--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
i dunno (2.00 / 2) (#90)
by circletimessquare on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 03:16:06 PM EST

there are some really insecure guys out there

and i've met some really secure and confident chicks

i honestly don't know if chicks are less confident, but i think that the emphasis on looks that guys don't have to put up with and the shorter biological clock makes them more moody. a comment that a guy would laugh off can turn a confident chick not into an unconfident chick, but a pissed off chick. that's not lack of confidence, that's more like... emotional schizophrenia

you have been warned, the bitches are nuts at times

and sometimes the bitches are just really nuts


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]

In comparison to what men do - (3.00 / 3) (#92)
by tetsuwan on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 03:30:12 PM EST

those links are really nothing. And I find the flashing of genitalia quite amusing.

Njal's Saga: Just like Romeo & Juliet without the romance
[ Parent ]

pity he's a great big liar then (3.00 / 5) (#102)
by livus on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 07:50:34 PM EST

we all know he watches Desperate Housewives and loves to talk about it.  

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
Yeah, I noticed that too /nt (none / 0) (#224)
by 1419 on Mon Dec 04, 2006 at 10:52:27 AM EST



[ Parent ]
"Manlieness is Confidence in the Face of... (none / 1) (#181)
by claes on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 11:04:08 AM EST

uncertain outcomes" someone said. I think that sums it up.

[ Parent ]
People with a false sense of confidence (3.00 / 4) (#184)
by I am teh Unsmart on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 11:40:15 AM EST

are the ones I usually suggest for firing. There's really nothing worse than someone that is bad at risk assessment being in a decision-making position. This invariably shows in their work performance, and when that can reflect on me, to say that I am ruthless would be an understatement.

This is actually something I see pretty equally in both sexes. The underlying machinery is different I think, because I've noticed males actually believe their own bullshit more, but women at least appear in the business setting to be just as capable of projecting an image of confidence in the most uncertain situations, often in the stupidest of ways imaginable.

[ Parent ]

Agreed (none / 1) (#186)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 12:02:27 PM EST

It appears that women are innately more risk-averse than men are. Perhaps this is due to natural selection: women's eggs are precious and they can produce one offspring per year (or so), while a single man can inseminate an entire tribe if need be. So, men who survive their risky lifestyle and reap the relatively higher rewards (assuming that risk=higher maximum return) become more prevalent than women who act in the same way.

--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
WTF was that? (none / 1) (#235)
by A Bore on Tue Dec 05, 2006 at 07:40:18 AM EST

Pseudoscientific rubbish. Stop it.

[ Parent ]
re: confidence (none / 0) (#256)
by creaothceann on Fri Dec 08, 2006 at 05:47:31 AM EST

http://youtube.com/watch?v=hjaCZY1vlc4

[ Parent ]
mtv: tl;dr (1.75 / 4) (#82)
by cDiss on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 01:43:33 PM EST

-1, mmm.

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP (1.77 / 9) (#96)
by cDiss on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 04:10:02 PM EST



YOU FUCKING PRICK: YOU FORGOT /nt /nt (1.25 / 4) (#110)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 09:35:03 PM EST


--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
-1, trash (2.57 / 7) (#98)
by Kasreyn on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 05:49:06 PM EST

"breastesses".

That was funny when we were H.S. Freshman, and not since.

Plus, you have no goddamn idea what a gentleman is. If you asked the kind of guy you just described, what a "gentleman" is, he would have a two-word sentence definition for you: "a pussy".


"Extenuating circumstance to be mentioned on Judgement Day:
We never asked to be born in the first place."

R.I.P. Kurt. You will be missed.
This is great advice from a 31 year old grad (2.86 / 22) (#99)
by greengrass on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 05:54:57 PM EST

student living in his parents basement! I'll do my best to implement those into my life and maybe I'll move back into my parents house!

another M-1\/|M story (1.20 / 5) (#101)
by rpresser on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 07:28:31 PM EST


------------
"In terms of both hyperbolic overreaching and eventual wrongness, the Permanent [Republican] Majority has set a new, and truly difficult to beat, standard." --rusty
+1 timeless, priceless, vintage MMM. (1.66 / 6) (#103)
by livus on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 07:52:47 PM EST

Thanks for doing this for us.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

I had Gillette Fusion imported for me /nt (2.50 / 2) (#108)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 09:25:54 PM EST


--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


2 long - didn't read kthanx lol (2.00 / 6) (#113)
by Cambria on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 10:34:41 PM EST



I get that a lot... the former lol /nt (2.00 / 2) (#114)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 10:48:54 PM EST


--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
Omg I think I just came lol (3.00 / 4) (#115)
by Cambria on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 10:54:16 PM EST



[ Parent ]
have a cig lol /nt (none / 0) (#119)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 11:49:35 PM EST


--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
If you ever get bored of plagiarizing (2.77 / 22) (#116)
by I am teh Unsmart on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 11:20:42 PM EST

the amusing ramblings of divorced beta males selling books to the overweight, balding men that read Tom Clancy when not seeking advice on how to get laid, you can always interact with people in the real world where basically anyone that showers and makes an effort with the ladies has sex and squeaks in some entertainment with their untrustworthy friends between sould-crushing days of work.

Sometimes with all of these idealized fantasies people proffer about the human animal, I forget that some people really do all of their living through the veil of a fantasy. In your case it seems to be that you want some strong man to put a ring on your finger and take care of you, but you just can't come to terms with it. In any event you should finish your copy and paste work and shop this around with some publishers: you could probably find a market among the people that stay up until 3am and visit those websites telling them they can own an Aston Martin while working 8 hours a week from home.

Yeah, same old thing (2.62 / 8) (#195)
by garote on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 06:57:32 PM EST

Nicely said.  This whole article has that bland and depressing air of eternal recurrence ... the same feeling I get when I overhear teenagers bickering about boy/girlfriends in a coffee shop, or catch a glimpse of cable TV "reality" shows.

"Being a man", as my own father taught it, involved being honest with your feelings, reigning in your ego, and looking tough enough so that people didn't bother you, while still being approachable.  If I could summarize a lifetime of his advice into two statements, they would be,

  1. "Always have a plan - and if it doesn't work, change it."
  2. "USE YOUR BRAIN."


[ Parent ]
Please! (1.20 / 5) (#117)
by Repost To Diary If It Gets Dumped on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 11:24:12 PM EST

See user name.

I don't think these are standards I can adhere to (2.70 / 10) (#118)
by BottleRocket on Thu Nov 30, 2006 at 11:43:28 PM EST

And if a gentleman makes a mistake or gets in trouble they don't bitch, moan or quibble. They admit to their mistake, try to undo the damage if possible, pay the price and move on.
I was mostly with you up until that part. It seems you want me to undergo some kind of self-improvement; that's where we're going to hit our first snag.

That's what being a gentleman means: you do your job and your reward is the pride you have in doing that job right. If somebody actually notices, acknowledges or even rewards you, be humble and grateful that you are blessed with such a rare praise.
That doesn't sound like me at all, although frankly, that doesn't sound like you either. But getting back to me: it's safe to say that I'm in love with myself. When other people notice how great I am, I wonder why it took them so long to catch on.

A gentleman is a good buddy who is dependable under all circumstances.
I'm assuming "dependable" has some grey area.

There is no room for petty fights, backstabbing or jealousy.
Let's try to make room.

A good buddy kicks his friends in the nuts if they spend all their free time... doing weed.
Just imagining myself doing this is giving me hives. My counterproposal is that you smoke a big fat blunt and mellow out.

$ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
. ₩ . . . . . ¥ . . . . . € . . . . . § . . . . . £
. . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . *
$ . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $
Yes I do download [child pornography], but I don't keep it any longer than I need to, so it can yield insight as to how to find more. --MDC
$ . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $
. . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . *
. ₩ . . . . . ¥ . . . . . € . . . . . § . . . . . £
$ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
$B R Σ III$

I think I've got it... (2.00 / 5) (#130)
by SoupIsGoodFood on Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 02:26:20 AM EST

Any women who doesn't appear as a weak, insecure person who is drawn to MMM's type must be a fascist, psycho, dyke feminist.

Anyway, +1 FP because MMM's ideals are getting ripped to shreads.

Yuo R teh Studzor R0R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111one (1.20 / 5) (#138)
by Wen Jian on Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 08:31:46 AM EST


It was an experiment in lulz. - Rusty
+1FP for revealing homosexual subtext (2.91 / 58) (#141)
by rusty on Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 11:23:31 AM EST

Like all advice articles, this tells us a lot more about the author than he would perhaps wish us to know. And in this specific case, it tells us that MMM is a raging fag and deeply in the closet. Examine, if you will, the evidence:

the wonderful world of anal sex

'Nuff said there, I think.

A gentleman is a man who does what he does because that's what he's supposed to do.

As opposed to what he really wants to do, or is naturally inclined to do? Hmm.

Sure Boss jeans are three times more expensive than Levi's but the bitches will be worth it.

Designer clothes. Check.

If you still want more size the only safe and reliable way to get an extra inch is to shave your pubic hair.

Oooh! Manscaping! Sassy!

To show her you don't care offer to have a threesome; double-penetrating your ex is worth thousands in saved therapy sessions.

Not to mention it finally gets you that swordfight with your "friend" that you've been secretly dreaming about since those teenage sleepovers.

...so remember to do anything and everything you would like to do but don't because it's a no-no. This includes picking fights with bouncers, making out with your reflection in the men's room mirror and playing Dance Dance Revolution.

Lol! Don't forget to suck someone's dick in the rest area parking lot while you're "drunk," Faggy McFagenstein. You can try to deny that when you're sober too.

Apart from the specific cues above, the overall obsession with men and maleness is always a dead giveaway. Straight men actually don't think about men that much. Whenever you find someone obsessed with men, you can be pretty sure that what they're really thinking about is how much they'd like to be the tortilla in a cock enchilada.

And none of this is in any way a criticism of MMM. I thought the article was great, and more or less accurate in most ways. But my vote is really for the subtext.

____
Not the real rusty

i am so confused. (3.00 / 5) (#144)
by cDiss on Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 12:16:30 PM EST



[ Parent ]
rusty if you invinted the phrase (2.85 / 21) (#146)
by balsamic vinigga on Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 01:21:00 PM EST

"tortilla in a cock enchilada" you're the new pwn3r of this site. And not just the lame owner...

---
Please help fund a Filipino Horror Movie. It's been in limbo since 2007 due to lack of funding. Please donate today!
[ Parent ]
That was pretty funny. (none / 1) (#147)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 01:31:13 PM EST


----------------

Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.
[ Parent ]

I did (3.00 / 2) (#154)
by rusty on Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 04:00:13 PM EST

At least, if someone else invented it first, I am not aware of it, which amounts to the same thing.

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]
dont forget comment #6 (3.00 / 2) (#151)
by circletimessquare on Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 03:23:43 PM EST

http://www.kuro5hin.org/comments/2006/11/29/221645/98/6#6

The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]
Ha Ha (3.00 / 6) (#153)
by rusty on Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 03:59:43 PM EST

Of course not. I'm totally straight.

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]
he's jealous (3.00 / 2) (#155)
by cDiss on Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 04:05:28 PM EST



[ Parent ]
You mispelled "totally fabulous" /nt (2.87 / 16) (#162)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 08:44:55 PM EST


--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
BEST. COMMENT. THREAD. EVAR! $ (none / 1) (#210)
by skyknight on Sun Dec 03, 2006 at 09:37:57 AM EST



It's not much fun at the top. I envy the common people, their hearty meals and Bruce Springsteen and voting. --SIGNOR SPAGHETTI
[ Parent ]
and he misspelled butt (3.00 / 11) (#203)
by Jay Uptwist on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 11:31:24 PM EST

"But buddies do play an important role ...."

[ Parent ]
Enough fag promo from tv already? (none / 1) (#223)
by slaida1 on Mon Dec 04, 2006 at 06:49:17 AM EST

I just can't get the image of lab rats facing new situtations out of my head. Now we've had, how many tv-series with obligatory quota fags and rehashes of same old romantic drama sets but with fags, that the effects of fag promotion are starting to show up.. interesting.

Many male specimens have been observed gathering courage among their peers to step forward in that mysterious new field called... no, not twilight zone this time, it's "The taboos of christianity".

I'd vote the piece for "+1 Whatever" if I knew how and if I were sure that it was about veiled homosexuality and not.. uh, something else? WTF is it about then?

It isn't informative because it's bad info, it isn't a joke because it didn't amuse me. Some kind of american humor?

[ Parent ]

+1 flame bait (none / 1) (#248)
by tetsuwan on Wed Dec 06, 2006 at 02:38:04 PM EST

That's why. I don't agree with MMM on any point, but it was fun to see how agitated everybody else was. And it is actually funny, because MMM is dead serious about this. So I guess many kurons voted it up because they know the MMM persona from the diaries.

Njal's Saga: Just like Romeo & Juliet without the romance
[ Parent ]

reminds me of... (1.83 / 6) (#148)
by Zombie Schrodingers Cat on Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 01:42:15 PM EST

Brief Interviews with Hideous Men. Misogynistic ramblings that are truthful in many ways.

A Quick Summary of The COMPLEAT... (2.66 / 9) (#150)
by 1419 on Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 03:09:49 PM EST


Lest you be too busy to read MMM's latest missive, here's the highlights:

1)The opposite of a pussified girly man is an asshole-aka-gentleman.
2)You shouldn't complain about anything, because real men (aka assholes) don't complain.
3)The only exception to this is when a date is late, because real men complain about women being late ("setting boundaries").
4)Dress good.
5)Smile.
6)Talk to women.
7)Take care of your body/physique.
8)Forgive your buddies if they screw your girlyfriends. If you must give them a beating buy them a drink afterwords.
9)Show more loyalty to your buddies than any woman.
10)Dominate all of your buddies to show them you are the boss. However, see exception in #8.
11)Wear a condom.
12)Apologize or Never Apologize[1]

[1]There was something about apologizing but it was unclear if apologizing is for pussified men, or if it is pussified men who forget to apologize.

That's all.

Pretty nice Cliff's Notes, errata follows: (2.50 / 2) (#180)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 09:40:28 AM EST

3)The only exception to this is when a date is late, because real men complain about women being late ("setting boundaries").

Perhaps I wasn't clear enough on this point. I didn't mean that it's ok to complain. What you do is acknowledge that the bitch is late and demand restitution. If she refuses, walk away.

9)Show more loyalty to your buddies than any woman.

This is very good shorthand. I think I should've explicitly included this in my article. Only when you have kids should you be more loyal to a female than your buddies.

12)Apologize or Never Apologize[1]

I was pretty damn clear about this: a gentleman never apologizes.

--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
Whoah there., about apologizing... (none / 1) (#182)
by claes on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 11:07:42 AM EST

I have a real hard time with that word. I'm not sure I even understand what it means. If you screw up, say "Damnit, I screwed up. I understand this caused you some trouble, it was absolutely not my intention. I am going to try very hard not to do this in the future".

Is this not an apology?

-- claes

[ Parent ]

Sure is (2.50 / 2) (#185)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 11:59:48 AM EST

but a gentleman would never stoop to such grovelling. As said, when a gentleman makes a mistake, he acknowledges it and all is forgiven. Men know that the mere acknowledgment of screwing up is a really Big Thing for a man to do. So, in your example, a gentleman would shut up after "Damnit, I screwed up."

--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
You've assumed the listener .... (none / 1) (#188)
by claes on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 12:23:38 PM EST

would understand that. People close to you probably would, people you don't know that well might not. I guess you could clarify, or else let them wonder for a while and if they interact with you more, realize what you're about.

I guess it depends on how much you care about what other people think. That's my downfall -- I do care, when I really shouldn't so much.

-- claes

[ Parent ]

That /is/ your downfall (none / 1) (#197)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 07:01:47 PM EST

as I said, pussified males don't know you are supposed to forgive another man if he admits to making a mistake. That's why I generally don't explain why I don't apologize, ever. I've explained it to some women and they tend to agree with me.

--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
It seemed clear but then there was a negation (none / 1) (#187)
by 1419 on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 12:03:52 PM EST

in the sentence which said "it is something that pussified males forget" reversing the statement (i.e. they forget that apologizing absolves them of resposibility?!?). Confusing.

BTW the point of my distillation was to show that your article had very simple plain advice dressed up in a macho sugar-coated pill.


[ Parent ]

Ok, that's a bit ambiguous (none / 1) (#196)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 07:00:03 PM EST

I meant that pussified males forget that when a man admits to making a mistake, he should be absolved of all blame.

The point of your distillation is what Cliff's Notes are all about: taking the gist of a work and delivering it a not-so-inspirational way. I'm not saying my writing is anything phenomenal (it's not), but apparently some people think it's passable as it made FP (albeit with score of 40). And I'm grateful for that as I put a lot of effort into this.

--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
It was the obvious effort that got my vote /nt (none / 1) (#202)
by 1419 on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 10:38:19 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Regarding Apologies (3.00 / 4) (#193)
by mindstrm on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 05:30:43 PM EST

What he was saying was you never apologize, you simply admit you were wrong.  Admitting you were wrong as an unwritten rule immediately absolves you of any wrongdoing and hence no apology is needed.

[ Parent ]
-1 encourages anal sex (3.00 / 6) (#158)
by Cambria on Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 05:31:55 PM EST

So I got around to reading this here article MMM. I like it. I wonder though, if you aren't scared of ending up alone? How will you ever find a woman good enough for you?

I'm aware of this problem (2.00 / 2) (#163)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 08:45:35 PM EST

My standards are extremely high but realistic. And I have a lot to offer so I can afford to require a lot.

--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
On ending up alone (3.00 / 6) (#173)
by Morally Inflexible on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 05:14:33 AM EST

not that I am an expert in the matter or anything; but I have "settled for what I could get" before, and really, I'd rather be alone.

[ Parent ]
you know you want it, cambria (1.33 / 3) (#219)
by cDiss on Sun Dec 03, 2006 at 06:11:16 PM EST

cdiss can give it to ya

[ Parent ]
Hands off, bub; I saw her first! /nt (1.33 / 3) (#220)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Sun Dec 03, 2006 at 06:36:22 PM EST


--
Keep banging those rocks together, MMM!
- Kasreyn


[ Parent ]
you ain't a bro; fuck yourself nasally dipshit (1.00 / 3) (#221)
by cDiss on Sun Dec 03, 2006 at 06:37:43 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Damn right, Skippy: I'm white /nt (none / 1) (#222)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Sun Dec 03, 2006 at 06:59:32 PM EST


--
Keep banging those rocks together, MMM!
- Kasreyn


[ Parent ]
Why on earth did you write this? (2.87 / 8) (#166)
by Beatific Deathsquad on Fri Dec 01, 2006 at 10:59:37 PM EST



"I was...gay." -- rusty
Where should he write this? On Mars? or Venus? (none / 0) (#200)
by United Fools on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 08:02:18 PM EST


We are united, we are fools, and we are America!
[ Parent ]
How do you feel about fighting? (none / 1) (#170)
by shinshin on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 04:40:13 AM EST

I.e., under what circumstances, if any, is it appropriate for a gentleman to start a fistfight?

And is it ever OK to hit a girl?

____
We believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons --Dick Cheney, Meet the Press, March 16, 2003

Pretty simple (2.33 / 3) (#179)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 09:29:19 AM EST

Self-defence is very appropriate for engaging in fisticuffs. It's also ok to use pre-emptive hitting although the law disagrees in quite a few jurisdictions (pretty much all of Europe, for example). Also, protecting your bitch and your property is ok, but again, IANAL, I just do what I'm supposed to do.

And it's really not ever necessary to hit a girl. The only scenario I can come up with if she's about to hit you with a knife. But since gentleman has no reason to visit the kitchen, he should never meet a woman wielding a knife.

--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
hitting women ... (none / 1) (#228)
by dougmc on Mon Dec 04, 2006 at 06:16:02 PM EST


And it's really not ever necessary to hit a girl.  The only scenario I can come up with if she's about to hit you with a knife.

That's not really entirely true.

The reasoning I've always used is this --

1) as a rule of thumb, you do not hit girls.  Ever.

2) however, it's OK to hit a girl if she's kicking your ass, or is capable of kicking your ass, but you only hit her to prevent your ass from being kicked.

So, if your average woman starts slapping you, hitting you, etc. -- you don't hit her.  You just block her punches, grab her hands, or just leave.  Most of the time when a woman hits a man, she doesn't even really try to hurt him -- she's venting anyways.

If the woman is a black belt in karate, or has a knife or gun, or is much bigger/stronger than you, then you can hit her -- but consider how it'll turn out.

If she has a deadly weapon, you certainly can hit her -- even pre-emptively -- if you think she's going to use it on you.  Protecting your life outweighs all other considerations.  However, refusing to fight or simply walking away may be a much smarter move -- it depends on the situation.

If she's physically capable of beating you up without weapons, either by virtue of skill or physical power, you can also hit her, but I don't suggest it.  If she really can kick your ass, she may very well do it, even with you fighting back and not holding anything back.  And if you win, she may still cry foul and call the police and have you arrested for assault and battery.  The cop doesn't know that this 5'2" woman knows kung-fu -- all he cares about is that she's all bruised up and says YOU did it.

[ Parent ]

You watch too much TV (none / 1) (#229)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Mon Dec 04, 2006 at 06:23:43 PM EST

Women can't win men in a real fight. Women are lighter, shorter and have much less upper-body strength than men do.

Sure, there are big bitches who can beat a twerp like LJ to the ground, but that's a rare exception.

--
Keep banging those rocks together, MMM!
- Kasreyn


[ Parent ]
women who could kick your ass! (2.50 / 2) (#231)
by dougmc on Mon Dec 04, 2006 at 08:24:28 PM EST

Women are lighter, shorter and have much less upper-body strength than men do.
On average, yes. But some women are larger/stronger than average, and some men are smaller/weaker than average. And physical strength isn't the only factor.

I don't care how much of a bad-ass man you are, unless you're one of the very top bad-asses, there's probably a woman out there somewhere who could kick your ass in a fair fight.

[ Parent ]

I implied as much /nt (none / 0) (#232)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Mon Dec 04, 2006 at 09:29:44 PM EST


--
Keep banging those rocks together, MMM!
- Kasreyn


[ Parent ]
Unfortunately (none / 1) (#233)
by ljazbec on Mon Dec 04, 2006 at 09:42:49 PM EST

who still fights fair in today's world?

[ Parent ]
Booze.... (none / 1) (#172)
by Nomad on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 04:53:13 AM EST

Gin & tonic's for girls. The only exception to this rule is if you have a G&T as a pre-dinner drink at an English dinner party in England.

Real men drink real drinks.  Try a Bombay Sapphire Martini, stirred not shaken, or better still, straight up.

Even better is single malt scotch

As for wine.  You'd better learn about it because a) it impresses the bitches  if you can say shit like "this one comes from a Medoc vineyard I visited last year", b) it stops you buying yourself (& your bitch) stuff that really does taste like shit. Also when you taste wine in a restaurant the only thing you are tasting for is corking. As a gentleman you should know this.  If you can't tell a corked wine from a glass of coke fake it.  Just nod to the waiter and say "it's fine".

These simple booze rules should increase your strike rate with the bitches :)

Bah (none / 1) (#178)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 09:22:55 AM EST

As I said in another comment, g&t is most definitely a gentleman's drink. And by "pre-dinner drink" you surely mean "aperitif?"

I'm not into martinis, but they are, of course, a gentleman's drink also. Same with scotch.

As I said in the article about wines, you can learn wines just to impress bitches. Your point about being able to avoid shit is a good one, although I'm sceptical if a casual wine enthusiast could really remember that 1997 was a bad year in Bordeaux but excellent in Sardinia (no need to google, that's a hypothetical example.

I claim that there's just too much to remember and know to make even an educated guess as to which is bad. It's better to know in general which wines/grapes you like and which vintages are good in certain popular wine regions you are likely to find in the restaurants you frequent. Of course you can become a wine geek; memorizing good years in all the major wine regions dating back 50-years is more useful than memorizing pi to the 12,000th decimal.

--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
No.... (2.66 / 3) (#191)
by Nomad on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 03:30:32 PM EST

And by "pre-dinner drink" you surely mean "aperitif?"

I meant "pre-dinner drink".

And I meant it, tn the same way that I mean "napkin" and not "serviette" and "pudding" rather than "dessert".

Rather than "digestif", I have "something to finish off with".  And I don't eat "hors d'oeuvre", but "nibbles".

Afterall I wouldn't want someone to think I were an "arriviste", I mean, non-U.

[ Parent ]

There's a difference between eurotrash and uncouth (none / 1) (#198)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 07:03:31 PM EST

And you, sir, are the latter.

--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
I demand satisfaction... (none / 1) (#208)
by Nomad on Sun Dec 03, 2006 at 04:45:24 AM EST

And you, sir, are the latter.

Retract, or I demand satisfaction.  Or are you, sir, a man without honour?

[ Parent ]

lol what /nt (none / 0) (#213)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Sun Dec 03, 2006 at 10:11:46 AM EST


--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
LOL Nerd Fight, Take it to WoW. /nt (none / 0) (#237)
by grargrargrar on Tue Dec 05, 2006 at 12:27:28 PM EST



[ Parent ]
You are no gentleman... (none / 1) (#251)
by Nomad on Thu Dec 07, 2006 at 04:50:38 AM EST

Sir, you have not accepted the challenge.

Henceforth, it is plain for all to see that you have no honour and a man with no honour is no gentleman.  

You are a cad, bounder and scoundrel.

[ Parent ]

i.e. mmm contemplated chubbiness, damaged tits, (3.00 / 4) (#174)
by Diary Anagram on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 05:30:28 AM EST

dealt. Boned hoez. U go (girlfriend)!

'Breastesses' goes FP. (3.00 / 9) (#175)
by Kasreyn on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 07:35:44 AM EST

Congratulations, k5, on reaching a new all-time high.


"Extenuating circumstance to be mentioned on Judgement Day:
We never asked to be born in the first place."

R.I.P. Kurt. You will be missed.
yeah I agree (none / 0) (#176)
by yaksox on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 08:46:00 AM EST

and was going to comment the first time you mentioned it -- it's like -- is the pet word that Moto uses with his mummy when he's thirsty and wants milk???

"Breasteses" sums up in one word how juvenile the whole thing is. I am mystified as to how it ended up on the front page. It was hovering at 16, 24hrs ago.
zom·bie n. 3. One who looks or behaves like an automaton.
[ Parent ]

IT'S THE NEW BLACK /nt (none / 0) (#177)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 09:15:54 AM EST


--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
How to be a college freshman forever (3.00 / 25) (#189)
by I am teh Unsmart on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 12:32:51 PM EST

Drink enough alcohol to make a salaryman suggest that you have a problem. Stories wherein you suffer from alcohol poisoning are the best, and the other 35-year old children you associate with are really going to appreciate the one where you drank so much that passed out in the bath house with those strapping young gentleman. Best. Story. Ever.

Pick fights with other men to establish dominance. If you watch Sex and the City, this will be more necessary than you might at first think. If you happened to, by some stroke of miraculous fortune, inherit any wealth please let that person be me.

Never express any of your feelings while sober, but always be acutely aware of how you can manipulate the feelings of others. Never acknowledge your mistakes with an apology, because then others will use your own feelings of remorse against you and you'll have to beat them up. You should be so repressed that my distant cousins in China would be proud to call you their own kin. Always prey upon the obvious insecurities of your female associates, because then you can make them think having sex with you will make them better people.

Definitely take advantage of alcohol as an excuse to express years of repressed feelings. Nothing says "I was born with a pair of testicles" like confessing all of your deepest feelings to your male friends after consuming alcohol. This is in no way indicative of why you have so few male friends (it's that other males can't deal with being around such a winner).

Talk about how confident you are, and how much you have to offer the world. Some people will tell you that this is what insecure people do and that they can spot a raging emotional basketcase a mile away from such signs of narcissism, but those people are just pussies. They are intimidated by your awesomeness, and your incessant need to talk about it.

Assume a gender identity from the Spartans. Sure, at first appearance their culture died and faded into irrelevance, but anything that encourages the idea that the human animal was the head of the food chain before collecting generations of experience with tools is awesome. It's up there with Objectivism, and Objectivism is the pinnacle of human philosophy.

Embrace misogyny. If one of your buddies fornicates with one of your cum dumpsters, it's because your bitch is defective. Women are of course monogamous by nature, hence their natural faithfulness. Female chimpanzees only have a finite number of eggs, and they are pillars of monogamy. So if your woman decides to try out other turkey basters, it's because she's broken.
Whatever you do, never see infidelity as a sign that you are defective or boring. Also loyalty to males in the face of what some pussies would call betrayal in no way will encourage others to suspect that you are a homosexual.

To further repress your feelings of inadequacy, suggest to your cum dumpsters group sex. Nothing says "emotionally secure" like hoping to denigrate a woman while kicking her to the curb. She will naturally accept because she was having sex with someone else because she is defective, and not because you are in any way boring.

Tell yourself that fornicating with ugly girls is an investment, and not a sign of desperation. If your friends need your help preventing some female's friend from letting her know she saw your friend giving some guy a blowjob in a corner in the back earlier that evening, you distracting fugzilla will surely pay off dividends in the future when all that stands between you and an attractive woman is her ugly compatriots. Strange how Phil always seems to call that hot one, and you always get stuck with fugzilla. No matter, your time will come someday!

And finally, always embrace this lifestyle. Sure, some pussies will tell you that you should get a job, get around to graduating from college (and miss out on living the PCU lifestyle?), and to develop a personality, but those faggots are just envious of your ability to have a 40-year childhood. You're too busy living the Max Power way to care what they think.

+1 FP, hard-hitting, topical and inspirational /nt (none / 0) (#194)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 06:56:48 PM EST


--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
The only thing more pathetic than a troll (2.83 / 6) (#190)
by Water on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 02:40:31 PM EST

is a guy who inadvertantly trolls and believes it.

Whoa. Men... (3.00 / 11) (#199)
by 1526 on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 07:57:32 PM EST

call boys who call women bitches, dumbasses. What are they, rolling with Wayne Brady after dark?

Tight butts and chiseled abs are for underwear models and people who get arrested in park bathrooms after dark. Just don't eat too much crap and get off the couch a little. Mow your yards, punks.

As for booze, anything a man likes and drinks unembarrassed is a manly drink. Only a deep-down, dyed-in-the wool sissy gets worried that his gin and tonic marks him with scarlet letters F, A and G.

How did this piece of shit make FP? (1.50 / 4) (#201)
by greengrass on Sat Dec 02, 2006 at 08:41:44 PM EST



stupidity is contagious (3.00 / 3) (#218)
by cDiss on Sun Dec 03, 2006 at 06:08:32 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Sotol and Tequila (none / 1) (#205)
by mybostinks on Sun Dec 03, 2006 at 12:19:22 AM EST

is the only decent booze.

Congrats dude.

well, they are..but you forgot nectar of the (none / 1) (#211)
by dakini on Sun Dec 03, 2006 at 09:48:49 AM EST

gods....rum!!!

" May your vision be clear, your heart strong, and may you always follow your dreams."
[ Parent ]
In materialistic reality (1.25 / 4) (#206)
by Zombie Gautama Buddha on Sun Dec 03, 2006 at 12:26:30 AM EST

Ego controls YOU!

What a tard. (3.00 / 7) (#209)
by Fat Gorean Slave on Sun Dec 03, 2006 at 08:30:02 AM EST

Even I wouldn't submit to yuo. Yuor mid life crisis would be too much even for my masochistic flesh to bear. Fuck's sake.

I can't say I agree with your theories (none / 0) (#212)
by apple on Sun Dec 03, 2006 at 10:04:10 AM EST

I mean, I know it's a troll and I haven't read all of it, but nevertheless despite it being a troll maybe you really think some of the things you say. Or maybe readers will think you do therefore it's worth taking the time the respond incase a gullible young lad takes your twisted advice to heart. I didn't really know you were the kind of person who would write this stuff. What other accounts do you post under? I've never thought much of the MMM one. I mean the name, for a start, is off-putting. Anyway, it's not really great to be like you say because you have to communicate in life, if you don't communicate things will go wrong for you and you'll feel bad inside and people won't like you.

-----------------
Sem4phore.org

This is my only account (none / 0) (#214)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Sun Dec 03, 2006 at 11:25:42 AM EST

I've had I believe 2 dupes, both of them used less than 5 times long ago.

--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
Be a real man. (1.33 / 3) (#215)
by chro57 on Sun Dec 03, 2006 at 12:41:32 PM EST

Turn to God.
Read the Bible and the Coran, and study mathematics, physic, biology and medecine.

I guess real men don't study typing /nt (2.00 / 2) (#216)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Sun Dec 03, 2006 at 01:07:03 PM EST


--
motormouthmachinery has a CRITICAL MASS OF SHIT for brains
- army of phred


[ Parent ]
Amen, brother $ (none / 0) (#230)
by Zombie Gautama Buddha on Mon Dec 04, 2006 at 08:12:02 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Witness the perils (3.00 / 7) (#217)
by jnana on Sun Dec 03, 2006 at 05:18:58 PM EST

of learning evolution from men's magazines.

Jaw drops to the floor... (3.00 / 2) (#226)
by Fred_A on Mon Dec 04, 2006 at 05:15:48 PM EST

Well, that article was the last straw for me.

Sorry guys but I'm out for good.

Last one switches the lights off.

Fred in Paris
[ Parent ]

Yay I killed a 4-digit kuro5hit! /nt (none / 0) (#227)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Mon Dec 04, 2006 at 05:49:38 PM EST


--
Keep banging those rocks together, MMM!
- Kasreyn


[ Parent ]
The beauty of self-contradiction (3.00 / 3) (#225)
by starX on Mon Dec 04, 2006 at 11:22:55 AM EST

MMM's argument falls apart from the beginning.

  1. A real gentleman would never refer to a lady as a "bitch" and
  2. A real gentleman always treats a woman like a lady.

Perhaps he should have more appropriately named his article "The Compleat (sic) Uncuth Braggart - MMM's Guide to Bitches, Buddies, Booze, or Everything You Need to Know to Be a Total Waste of Space."

"I like you starX, you disagree without sounding like a fanatic from a rock-solid point of view. Highfive." --WonderJoust
I can bench 500 pounds. (3.00 / 6) (#234)
by MasticateManballsMercilessly on Mon Dec 04, 2006 at 10:06:18 PM EST

Shows what you know!

[ Parent ]
Sort of the point, really (none / 1) (#236)
by Perianwyr on Tue Dec 05, 2006 at 10:00:51 AM EST



[ Parent ]
Indeed (none / 1) (#247)
by Eccles on Wed Dec 06, 2006 at 01:50:46 PM EST

A bitch isn't a woman you want to sleep with you, a bitch is a woman who won't sleep with you. (Or one that cheats on you, so MMM used it correctly in that part of the article.)

[ Parent ]
You're mixing bitch with slut /nt (none / 0) (#249)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Wed Dec 06, 2006 at 03:55:15 PM EST


--
Keep banging those rocks together, MMM!
- Kasreyn


[ Parent ]
nuh-uh (none / 1) (#252)
by kromagg on Thu Dec 07, 2006 at 10:03:54 AM EST

That's a dike you're thinking of.

[ Parent ]
The wisdom of Google (3.00 / 4) (#238)
by MrHanky on Tue Dec 05, 2006 at 01:23:41 PM EST

From Google Ads on this page:

Psychology Of Men
Learn How To Make Men Chase You Instead Of Running Away!
www.DatingWithoutDrama.com

Seems like needed advice for the Compleat Gentleman.


"This was great, because it was a bunch of mature players who were able to express themselves and talk politics." Lettuce B-Free, on being a total fucking moron for Ron Paul.

Range of a gentleman's emotions (3.00 / 2) (#239)
by mbac on Tue Dec 05, 2006 at 01:26:36 PM EST

Besides, gentlemen don't get depressed, gentlemen get angry - the only emotion apart from stoic detachment allowed for a gentleman.

The range of a gentleman's emotion is actually a circular scale.  On the bottom of the circle, slightly to the left is Anger and slightly to the right is Hunger.  At the top of the circle, the furthest distance from Anger/Hunger, the man is still feeling those emotions, they're just at the minimum levels.

As a man grows Angry/Hungry, he is also closer to feeling Hungry/Angry.   It is possible to reach that point between Anger/Hunger or Hunger/Anger where a man is expressing maximum intensity for both of those emotions.

Best course of action if you deal with a man in this state is to throw a side of raw beef into his cage and wait for the Anger/Hunger levels to return to a safe lull.


Sounds plausible (none / 1) (#240)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Tue Dec 05, 2006 at 01:31:42 PM EST

I definitely move towards the angry part of the circle as I get hungry; I get irritable when my blood sugar goes below a certain threshold.

--
Keep banging those rocks together, MMM!
- Kasreyn


[ Parent ]
MMM (3.00 / 2) (#243)
by HollyHopDrive on Wed Dec 06, 2006 at 10:10:03 AM EST

you are a very very boring man. But I'll grant you that you are a very good troll. 243 comments and counting.

I make too much sense to be on the Internet.

Post more. We have been having fun without you. (none / 0) (#244)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Wed Dec 06, 2006 at 10:38:04 AM EST

But, it could be funnerer.

----------------

Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.
[ Parent ]

Yeah, those DD funbags of hers surely are fun /nt (none / 1) (#245)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Wed Dec 06, 2006 at 11:01:12 AM EST


--
Keep banging those rocks together, MMM!
- Kasreyn


[ Parent ]
I'll see. (none / 0) (#246)
by HollyHopDrive on Wed Dec 06, 2006 at 12:31:50 PM EST

A lot busier these days but I'll still drop in and out. I never made a decision to leave. I just got busy, stopped having time and then kind of phased out of it.

I make too much sense to be on the Internet.
[ Parent ]

i was hoping you'd go balderson on this guy (none / 0) (#253)
by actmodern on Thu Dec 07, 2006 at 12:34:24 PM EST

srsly.


--
LilDebbie challenge: produce the water sports scene from bable or stfu. It does not exist.
[ Parent ]
Naah, she feels intrigued deep down under that (none / 0) (#254)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Thu Dec 07, 2006 at 12:54:42 PM EST

ample bosom of hers.

--
Keep banging those rocks together, MMM!
- Kasreyn


[ Parent ]
Chick Flicks (none / 0) (#257)
by The Real Lord Kano on Sat Dec 09, 2006 at 01:56:05 AM EST

who'd rather take Jill out to watch the latest chickflick than open her eyes and orifices to the wonderful world of anal sex.

I'll take Jill to a chick flick and blast her in the ass in the back of the theater before the first time the soundtrack plays "I will Survive".

Because I'm a man. Bitch.

LK

You are not Maddox (3.00 / 3) (#258)
by The Real Lord Kano on Sat Dec 09, 2006 at 02:00:45 AM EST

And you are not funny.

Maddox is funny.

LK

african american content (1.50 / 2) (#259)
by ditkis on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 12:46:53 PM EST



By "african american" do you mean black? (none / 0) (#260)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 01:59:45 PM EST

I'm not black so I don't know how the black experience differs. You're more than welcome to fill in.

--
Keep banging those rocks together, MMM!
- Kasreyn


[ Parent ]
well primarily i meant "american" (1.50 / 2) (#261)
by ditkis on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 02:20:50 PM EST

but you're right, "african american" is sort of a double whammy.

[ Parent ]
sup k5, cDiss is an alpha male and u know it (3.00 / 3) (#262)
by cDiss on Thu Dec 14, 2006 at 05:56:00 PM EST

And girls want to fuck alpha males. Let it piss you off as much as you want, but you know it's completely true. That girl you like who is kinda cute in a weird way, but is totally sweet and you have the biggest crush on? The one who keeps going back to guys who treat her wrong for reasnos you don't understand? The one who calls you up at 1 am to cry about how her boyfriend hasn't called her in 3 days, and no matter how long you listen to her, she'll never think of you as anything other than asexual? The one who will curl up next to you on the couch, hug you close, kiss you on the cheek, and never let you fucking touch her beyond that?

Yeah, I'm fucking her.

The hot girl who won't even look at you when you nod at them and smile? The one who laughs when you trip in the hallway and drop your stuff? The one who comes up and coyly aks for your help with her homework, and then pretends you don't exist once you finish?

Yeah, I'm fucking her too, even harder.

The geeky girl you think might be enough like you that you have a chance with her? She plays warcraft on your server, and watches anime, and reads comics? She's so incredible and you just love her so much but you still haven't worked up the courage to tell her how you feel about her?

Guess who just sucked me off and told me they'll always love me?

And what's more? I laugh at guys like you. When you cry about how much girls treat you bad, and wonder why they can't just see that you're a nice guy who would always treat them right? I nod and tell you to hang in there, you'll find someone right for you someday, don't give up hope man. But inside? I'm laughing my ass off at you you pathetic fuck. Every girl you set your sights on, who isn't a disgusting pig-monster, I'm going to fuck 6 ways from sunday before you even tell her you think she's cute. I won't bother trying when you finally settle for that 350 pound girl who works at hardees, you can have that. Anything else I'm going to cum on her face before you get those lips near it.

And the biggest reason I laugh? It's not me doing all this. It's the girls. When you cry about how lonely you are? Or talk about how you just want to curl up and dissapear, and all that emo bullshit? You're triggering her "Don't Fuck" instinct something feirce. You're a miserable weak coward, why would she want your genes? Feel free to buy her a new computer and help her decorate her apartment, you're great for that. But her baby-maker is barking orders at her, telling her to wrap her legs around me and hold on for as long as she can. She needs it, on a primal level you'll never get to see first hand, even if you do get a chance to fuck her. Sooner or later one of them will lay back and spread their legs, but you won't see any hunger in their eyes. They won't beg you to love them forever and make them yours. You won't know what it's like to see her animal side needing you as much as she needs to eat and breath.

And she's cheating on you, I promise that. When she sits around quiet and uncomfortable, acting irritable and irrational towards you, wanting you to just back away and leave her alone, it's not her period. It's because I haven't called her for a day or two and her instincts are telling her to go find me. The primitive section of her brain doesn't want to risk smelling like another man when she gives herself to me, she wants me to know she's completely mine. We do things together she tells you she never would. Her pooper? Mine. I want to give her a facial? of course. I want her to suck the cum out of my dick, even though I just finished pumping away at her ass? she's never going to tell me no. She doesn't WNAT to tell me no. She wants me to know she'll do anything it takes to keep me. She'll rim my ass while she's down there sucking me off if it means pleasing me. She'll drink my cum from a shotglass. She'll wear a buttplug when we go out to dinner. She'll sleep handcuffed to my headboard. Anything.

And then she'll go home to you and tell you she's not in the mood today.

I'd say you should become an hero, but you being aruond makes her want a real man all the more, so keep fagging it up emo bitches, I'll keep that pussy warm while you're crying in the corner.

Oh, how very big of you. (3.00 / 9) (#263)
by Linux or FreeBSD on Thu Dec 14, 2006 at 06:02:47 PM EST

You're an alpha male, are you? Well, let me clue you in on something: Alpha Males haven't been in charge for a good couple of decades. Obviously, this tirade is directed on a High School level.

Once you get out of high school, and begin working at your dead-end office job, you know who your boss is going to be? That's right, that pasty nerd you made fun of.

It's funny, you see. The majority of the women you are talking about, despite the blatant lies you've slipped in, and the generalizations which remain moderately untrue, are frankly, idiotic sluts. The fact that you're trying to taunt us with them is inane, because while they sound appealing in text, in reality, we wouldn't want anything to do with the fucking skanks. And furthermore, thank you for "fucking every girl in the school (I bet you can bench 2000 pounds too, amirite?)." Honestly, thank you. Why, you may ask? Because, by taking away the easy route, you have brought pain upon us. You have brought us misery, you have forced us to adapt to that misery, and to grow as people.

Luxury doesn't incite growth, pain does. So while you're busy sticking it in your AIDS-ridden skanks, we're studying, learning, gaining skills that are necessary for life.

You may scoff at this, call us stupid nerds for not getting the pussy while it's hot, but guess what? We're going to get it eventually. You said so yourself, women love power.

So, eventually, you're going to find a women you love as much as she primally needs you. You're going to get married, maybe settle down a bit. Wild sex for the first two years, but after a while, she'll get ansy. She'll grow tired of the novelty of the Alpha Male. Your relationship will become the dull forced marriage that is seen constantly in America.

You'll likely divorce her and move on, getting a younger wife that'll need you as much as your old wife did when you first married.

Seems swell, doesn't it?

I can assure you, it isn't. By now, we have risen to power. While you live the life of the swingers, we are the Senators, the Chairmen, we are the rulers of life as you know it. We have transcended your pitiful existence, and control every aspect of your very fate, without you even so much as noticing.

By now, we have the money and the power, and as Scarface once said (We know you love him, and have his poster on your bedroom wall,'cause you're cool like that) next we get the women.

And guess who it is that loves power, as you said women do? That's right, it's your little skank of a wife! Now, most of us will likely have settled down with a wife, but I'm sure there are plenty that would be glad to take your wife when she dumps your sorry ass to go to the people she knows have the real power.

And, as we get older, our fortunes and power will grow. We'll eventually get a few trophy wives, settle down a bit, and live in the lap of luxury.

Meanwhile, you, the "Alpha Male" will be left alone. By the time you hit thirty, your primal attraction, your ONLY asset, will begin to fade. Your third wife in ten years will grow tired of your old, pitiful body, and will leave you. Stuck in a dead-end job as one of our pawns, you will grow old and even less appealing.

Eventually you will die an old and unloved man, either by taking your own life, drowning yourself in booze, or perhaps merely out of your own misery.

So go ahead. Brag about how many women you are fucking. Call us losers. We may seem to be upset, and you may mock our pain, but I assure you, we know your fate.

And we are smiling inside.



[ Parent ]
I stopped reading when you claimed pasty nerds (none / 0) (#264)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Thu Dec 14, 2006 at 07:14:23 PM EST

become bosses. They don't. Pasty nerds deliver mail, crunch code or do the books. In some cases they become mid-management but that's just because nobody with a brain and balls wants that job anyway.

For better or for worse, life is not about your grades, your pet project or your pocket protector. It's about people. And us alpha males have a few million years of evolution on our sides: we know how to play the game. That's why the less qualified but better equipped for real life alpha male gets the job instead of a pasty nerd. That's why your boss's golf buddy gets a promotion instead of the pasty nerd. That's why the guy who's taller gets the girl.

You can live in your Revenge of the Nerds fantasy, but look around you. Pasty nerds don't run this world now or ever. Pasty nerds don't get the bitches.

And ffs, don't even dare to bring up Bill Gates as he's definitely not a nerd.

--
Keep banging those rocks together, MMM!
- Kasreyn


[ Parent ]
i hope you enjoyed your pasta. (2.66 / 9) (#265)
by Linux or FreeBSD on Thu Dec 14, 2006 at 08:28:17 PM EST



[ Parent ]
certified true. (none / 0) (#266)
by arnonymous on Sun Dec 17, 2006 at 08:29:12 AM EST

the paragraph about cheating: it's the truth.

i just encountered it in real life, my life. as i am posting on k5 it's clear that i was the guy cheated on.

i hate this shit, but still, it's true.

fuck you.
sic luceat lux
[ Parent ]

So... (none / 0) (#267)
by Eccles on Thu Dec 21, 2006 at 12:09:21 PM EST

Have you kicked her to the curb? Or are you mad at the guy who had made no promises to you, and not at the woman who betrayed her commitments?

[ Parent ]
history (none / 0) (#268)
by arnonymous on Tue Dec 26, 2006 at 08:12:28 AM EST

I moved out in October. We decided to see where this was going. On December the 23rd she told me she no longer wanted anything from me and that there is no future for us.

I don't give a flying fuck about the guy.
sic luceat lux
[ Parent ]

The Compleat Gentleman - MMM's Guide to Bitches, Buddies and Booze | 268 comments (170 topical, 98 editorial, 0 hidden)
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