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[P]
Making a Southwestern Burrito from Scratch

By mybostinks in Culture
Sat Dec 09, 2006 at 12:00:00 PM EST
Tags: FOOD STUFF (all tags)

Dedicated to people who live where they have no kitchen and in particular nostalgiphile.

Geek Soul Food
Like programming or systems administration, making a burrito is a process. Here is the step by step process for the Not-Quite-Perfect-Bean-and-Cheese Tex-Mex burrito, from the Southwestern US. It's for those who are overseas and can't buy an actual package of fresh flour tortillas. If you have a full kitchen, this recipe will be a good place to start.

This is not the ideal way to make a burrito but you will end up with a tasty meal.


A brief history of the burrito.
A Taco Bell taco is not a taco. A real taco or burrito taste fantastic and brings your taste buds alive. Eating a fast food taco or burrito is OK if you like that sort of thing but a homemade burrito is a divine taste treat.

Burrito is Spanish for "little donkey". The indigenous Maya population of southern Mexico at one time used burros to pack everything, to go anywhere. The last time I was there you could still see people with burros. A good example of this is in the movie, "Treasure Of The Sierra Madre" a John Huston movie based on B. Traven's book of the same title. The movie by the way, was one of the best adaptations of a book Hollywood ever filmed.

If you go to the state of Chiapas in Mexico and order a burrito all you will get is some kind of stringy, barely edible meat wrapped in a flour tortilla and a little bowl of habanero hot sauce. Habanero chili is the hottest chili grown in the world. The habanero is eaten in southern Mexico primarily. Most other Mexicans will not eat habaneros, they prefer the jalepeno. I prefer the habanero chili.

Unless you have eaten habaneros, stay away from them. They will burn going in and burn coming out. Pick the hottest chili you have ever eaten, a habanero is hotter.

When most people think of burritos they don't think of the traditional Maya burrito. My version is what I call the Tex-Mex burrito.

First gather together the utensils. Next make the tortillas. Then, make the filling. Finally, roll the tortilla with the filling inside.

Utensils needed:
Having the right cooking utensils is essential to good burrito making. I am going to assume that you will have to improvise some of your utensils.

If you can't purchase tortillas pre-made and can't buy a tortilla press, then the following are instructions on how to make low-stress, easy tortillas. The tortillas taste much better if you make them and it only takes a little extra effort.

  • You need a camping stove of some kind or some type of portable heat for cooking. This is essential. Otherwise, you will have an uncooked mess of raw food.
  • A small to medium size bowl.
  • A small 8-inch or larger cast iron skillet but the larger the skillet the better.
  • A rolling pin. If you don't have a rolling pin you need something round that has straight sides. A straight smooth wine bottle will work fine. It can be full or empty.
  • Measuring utensils both for dry measures and wet measures.
  • A cheese grater or something similar.
  • A flat, hygienic and clean surface to roll out the tortillas.
  • one sharp knife
  • spatula for turning the tortillas in the skillet.
  • potato masher for mashing down the beans while they are cooking a fork will also work as long as it is a sturdy fork.


Basic Ingredients: Tortillas
Adjust the measurements as necessary. This is will make about a 12 or so thin tortillas. Measure out the following items and set them aside, then wash your hands.
  • 2 cups of low gluten flour. All-purpose flour works fine.
  • 1/2 cup of warm water
  • 1/2 teaspoon of salt
  • 1/8 cup of lard (best for flavor and texture) or shortening (next best) or vegetable oil (last resort).
  • If possible, chill the wine bottle or rolling pin. This will keep it from sticking to the tortilla dough you are about to make. No refrigerator? No problem, fill the bottle with cold water.


Making the tortilla de harina (flour tortilla)
  • Combine the flour and salt in a small to medium size bowl.
  • Rub in the lard with your fingers until evenly mixed. Finish by working the shortening through the flour with a fork. Do this quickly and not too long.
  • Gradually pour in the warm water and mix with your fingers until you have a soft dough.

If you add too much water and it's a sticky mass keep adding just enough flour to make a non-sticky dough. The key is to not over-knead the dough. The more you handle the dough the tougher the tortilla. Roll the ball of dough around in your hands for a bit. This will give you a feeling for the dough.

Then slightly flatten your ball of dough and divide the dough into quarters. Divide each quarter into thirds. You should then have twelve pieces of dough. Liberally coat your hands with the lard, shortening or vegetable oil. Briefly roll and coat each piece of dough into a ball. Set each one in a bowl. Cover the bowl with a clean towel and let them rest for about 15 minutes.

Now the tricky part, rolling out the tortillas. Flatten, shape and pat out between your hands each piece of dough so that you have a nice round shape. Set them aside for a moment. Get out the rolling pin. Lightly flour the flat surface you are going to roll out the tortillas on. Take the rolling pin and roll out each flattened piece of dough until it is as thin as possible WITHOUT tearing through the dough. The finished tortilla should be translucent. It can be thicker if you like. I prefer thin, translucent tortillas. You should end up with twelve, very thin, 8-inch lovely reasonably round tortillas. Stack them and cover with a clean towel to keep them warm.

HINTS:
NOTE ON ROLLING PIN TECHNIQUE: If you have never done this, it may take a little practice. You may need to make another batch of dough. If you ruin one its ok just start over by making that piece again and repeat the above process.

Next heat your skillet to a high temperature as hot as possible. Take a rolled out tortilla and place it in the hot skillet. It will cook quickly. A bubble will form on the top when it does turn it over and cook the other side. Cook until there is just a brown spot. DO NOT cook too long or you will end up with a thin cracker. It should be flexible.

Basic Ingredients: The Burrito Filling

  • 2-5 Fresh chili (best) or packaged, dried and ground chili (last resort). Pick the most spicy chili you can handle. If you can't handle the heat, a good ripe bell pepper should work.
  • Canned Pinto beans. If your country does not have these, then purchase a can of black or red beans.
  • One onion your favorite variety In the U.S. Vidalia onions are the best but extremely rare to find.
  • As much fresh garlic as you like.
  • One fresh, ripe tomato. If it is not quite ripe, put it in a paper bag for a day or so and let it ripen some more.
  • Your favorite yellow cheese from the market. I prefer cheddar and asadero cheeses.
  • Fresh cilantro or coriander leaves. Dried coriander leaves are fine if you can't find fresh.
  • Optional: sour cream, guacamole, hot sauce similar to pico de gallo to place on top of the filling before you roll/fold the burrito.

Making the basic burrito filling
I like onions so cut up and mince your onion. Take some cooking oil and lightly cover the bottom of your skillet. Fry the onions until they are clear but not brown. Place them in a small bowl.

Get out the can of pinto, black or red beans, open them and pour them into the skillet. With the potato masher mash them up as much as possible. Then put them on medium heat.

Once the beans start bubbling, mash them up more with the potato masher. Add either chopped chili or the ground chili now. Let the liquid cook down until you have a bean paste. DON'T let them cook down to dry. You want a little liquid left. After they are mashed up enough add the onions you cooked earlier.

Chop up any vegetables you want and place them in several small bowls while the beans cook down. Grate the cheese of your choice into a small bowl. Do this with any vegetables you want.

Get the other condiments like sour cream, guacamole or pico de gallo ready.

OPTIONAL: You can substitute the beans with ground beef or chopped meat of your choice.

Putting It All Together
Get a still warm tortilla from your stack. Scoop up some of the bean paste and spread a layer of this on 1/2 of the tortilla. Add a layer of each of the other ingredients on top of the bean paste or meat. Top all this with grated cheese, guacamole or sour cream. Then fold your burrito like the photographs below.

The following is how to fold a burrito with photo illustrations.

Step One
Step Two
Step Three
Step Four
Step Five
Step Six

The idea of the folding is to close up one end of the burrito to keep the contents from falling out. You eat the burrito from the opposite end.

Grab a good tasting beer and enjoy your meager creation.

WARNING: If you are a heterosexual male, picking up and eating a burrito will make you feel gay. Don't worry about this, just enjoy your meal.

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Related Links
o Scoop
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o habanero
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o Step One
o Step Two
o Step Three
o Step Four
o Step Five
o Step Six
o Also by mybostinks


Display: Sort:
Making a Southwestern Burrito from Scratch | 146 comments (114 topical, 32 editorial, 0 hidden)
oh wow!! this look delicious!! will have to try (3.00 / 2) (#1)
by dakini on Sat Dec 09, 2006 at 08:44:24 PM EST

this recipe for sure...well done..FP when it gets there..

" May your vision be clear, your heart strong, and may you always follow your dreams."
+1 about Mexican food. (3.00 / 3) (#2)
by Psycho Dave on Sat Dec 09, 2006 at 08:58:04 PM EST

Sure, the burrito is about as Mexican as the pizza is Italian. Still, I love the things. Breakfast burritos are the reason I can't shed these last ten vanity pounds.

Living in the west, you kinda take being within walking distance of at least three authentic taquerias for granted. I found one or two alright places in Chicago. New York Mexican food is probably shite. Hawaii? Forget it. Taco Bell is the closest you'll come to anything Mexican.

I suppose in terms of proximity to great Mexican food, I'd be in heaven if I lived in Texas. But that would require me living in Texas. I think the only place in that fucking state I could handle would be Austin.

Thanks Dave, el paso is not bad (none / 1) (#3)
by mybostinks on Sat Dec 09, 2006 at 09:25:56 PM EST

Austin is ok, just too big, hot and humid for me.

[ Parent ]
Austin sucks (none / 0) (#19)
by QuantumFoam on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 03:38:01 AM EST

FYI

- Barack Obama: Because it will work this time. Honest!
[ Parent ]

Burritos /are/ Mexican (none / 0) (#96)
by wiredog on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 11:17:05 AM EST

Several years back some people from the Smithsonian tracked down the origin of the burrito. They found out that it did, in fact, originate in Mexico. The state (in Mexico) that's south of Arizona, IIRC. It expanded to become the burrito we know and love today once it came to the US.

Wilford Brimley scares my chickens.
Phil the Canuck

[ Parent ]
Most Mexicans... (none / 0) (#138)
by Tezcatlipoca on Sun Dec 17, 2006 at 05:12:39 AM EST

.... do not consider it a real Mexican dish, as a matter of fact you will never see it prepared in traditional restaurants anywhere (only chains like Vips or Sanborns will serve it ocassionaly, but they cater for tourists as well, so I suspect they offer it for that reason).

Having said that, everybody would agree it is Tex-Mex food (even Mexicans living in the North of Mexico, who sometimes claim parenthood for the burro  thingy) which gives us all the clues we need about the true ancestry of the dish.

Might is right
Freedom? Which freedom?
[ Parent ]

+1 Food, +666 Mexican Food = +1419 (2.00 / 3) (#4)
by 1419 on Sat Dec 09, 2006 at 09:39:18 PM EST


A great submission. Some possible very minor suggestions that could be ignored and I'll still give you +1 FP:

Also, this recipe is for someone that doesn't have a normal cooking stove i.e. someone living in a matchbox that can't afford an apartment with a stove or living in a dorm room.

It might better to say "someone living in a matchbox that has no stove or living in a dorm room." otherwise stove...stove a bit redundant

A burrito is Spanish for "little donkey".

A burrito.."a little donkey"?  Maybe just ...

Burrito is...?

The indigenous maya population of southern Mexico at one time used burros to pack everything, to go anywhere.

Maya is capitalized. Only Mayan's used burros?

The last time I was there you could still see people with burros.

You italicize /taco and burrito but not burro ?

Habanero chili is...

no italics for habanero?

Most ... will turn their noses up [ at it ] ?

Unless you have eaten a habanero, stay away from them, they will burn going in and burn coming out. /

Habanero (singlular) ... stay away from them (plural).

Utensils needed:
/Having the right cooking utensils is essential to good burrito making. I am going to assume that you will have to improvise some of your utensils. It has come to my attention that there are those that don't have a kitchen to speak of or live in a dorm. No problem, this will work there as well.

The kitchen part was established above...

Basic Ingredients: Tortillas
Adjust the measurements as necessary. This is will make about a 12 or so thin tortillas. Measure out the following items and set them aside, then wash your hands.

Italicize de harina since it too is Spanish.

I'd ditch the pronunciation key and link to some audio philez of proper pronunciation. Audio files would have the proper accent.

Fucking awesome!


Thanks I made the changes you suggested (none / 0) (#5)
by mybostinks on Sat Dec 09, 2006 at 10:04:05 PM EST

but as far as I know, burros were not used much north of Mexico city. I think this is because people could afford horses.

Presumably, "The Treasure of Sierra Madre" takes place West of Tampico which is south of Mexico City. However, I could be wrong about this.

Thanks again for the edits.

[ Parent ]

i will trade you a touritere for a burrito...?? (3.00 / 2) (#6)
by dakini on Sat Dec 09, 2006 at 10:08:13 PM EST



" May your vision be clear, your heart strong, and may you always follow your dreams."
going to -1 (1.12 / 8) (#9)
by actmodern on Sat Dec 09, 2006 at 10:36:03 PM EST

i didn't read this. i did not think about this. in fact i didn't even look at the username that wrote this. im just going to -1 you.


--
LilDebbie challenge: produce the water sports scene from bable or stfu. It does not exist.
hmm (3.00 / 2) (#10)
by mariahkillschickens on Sat Dec 09, 2006 at 10:50:47 PM EST

that's not how i fold my burritos... i fold two sides, then two other sides and seal with beans so it stays closed! mine never fall apart... your folding is complicated and leaves an end open so the inside can get cold :( poor burrito.

otherwise, yum.

"In the end, it's all dirt."

I have noticed that folding (3.00 / 2) (#13)
by mybostinks on Sat Dec 09, 2006 at 11:23:26 PM EST

burritos is a very personal thing, like wrapping Christmas presents.

[ Parent ]
There is one true way. Anything else is savagery.$ (none / 0) (#60)
by The Front Page on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 04:06:54 PM EST



[ Parent ]
+1 (3.00 / 2) (#11)
by guidoreichstadter on Sat Dec 09, 2006 at 10:51:40 PM EST

Taco Bell also recently accepted the terms offered by the CIW to improve farmworker pay and working conditions in exchange for ending their successful national boycott campaign.


you are human:
no masters,
no slaves.
That's good, I am glad.... (none / 1) (#12)
by mybostinks on Sat Dec 09, 2006 at 11:00:13 PM EST

Taco Bell sucks IMHO.

[ Parent ]
you missed cilantro (3.00 / 4) (#14)
by khallow on Sat Dec 09, 2006 at 11:34:33 PM EST

I don't believe it can be called a tex-mex burrito without cilantro leaf. It's a law or something. This is an amazing spice, best acquired raw and chopped up. It's also known as coriander. For some reason, I don't put garlic on my burritos. Don't know why since I love it so much. Lemon or lime is a nice accent and I seem to recall seeing it in tex-mex before. I think there are other cheeses like monterey jack, mozzarella, provolone, and swiss. Basically, anything that melts nicely has a place on a burrito though only monterey jack is traditional on tex-mex.

Also, tex-mex isn't the only Southwestern style in the US. California and New Mexico have their own distinct styles. The monster burritos? I first saw those in California though they might originate elsewhere. And anything with bean sprouts or alfalfa comes from California. Definitely not tex-mex. New Mexico uses green and red chiles local to the region and has a taste I don't find elsewhere. I don't understand well the differences between these styles, but they do exist.

Stating the obvious since 1969.

You are entirely correct, (none / 0) (#16)
by mybostinks on Sat Dec 09, 2006 at 11:42:44 PM EST

should I change some of this? Yes, cilantro i would have included but I didn't know how available it is to folks in other areas. Yes I agree, a Californico burrito is diff than a New Mexican burrito and a Texian burrito. Should I mention the diff styles? I think you just did.

[ Parent ]
cilantro (none / 1) (#35)
by Delirium on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 11:26:20 AM EST

It's pretty commonly available. It's called "coriander" in some areas, especially outside North America.

[ Parent ]
Properly speaking... (none / 0) (#70)
by rusty on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 09:17:57 PM EST

...cilantro is cilantro when it's young green shoots and coriander after it goes to seed. Or, "cilantro" is the leaves of the plant, and "coriander" is the seed of the same plant. A leafy herb called coriander can only be understood as the product of base ignorance. But nevertheless, if you find such a thing it's probably what you were looking for.

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]
hmm (none / 0) (#72)
by Delirium on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 09:26:33 PM EST

I was under the impression that coriander is the Latin name of the plant, while cilantro is the Spanish name, and so like many things North America uses the more Spanish-influenced name (cf. chile vs. chilli).

[ Parent ]
That could be, too (none / 1) (#94)
by rusty on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 10:56:45 AM EST

The distinction I made above is the typical culinary distinction which, like the way a tomato is a vegetable for cooking purposes, does not always hew to scientifico-linguistic reality.

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]
Not in OUR cook books. n (none / 0) (#124)
by livus on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 07:57:27 PM EST



---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
khallow; I added cilantro (none / 0) (#17)
by mybostinks on Sat Dec 09, 2006 at 11:50:58 PM EST

you are entirely correct. thanks

[ Parent ]
+1 FP for sure! (nt) (none / 1) (#22)
by khallow on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 06:17:52 AM EST


Stating the obvious since 1969.
[ Parent ]

my prayers have been answered! (3.00 / 2) (#20)
by nostalgiphile on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 04:24:31 AM EST

Thanks man, it's gonna be an E. Asian Tex-mex X-mas after all! Visited Taipei yesterday and did indeed come up with some ingredients incl. guacomole and jalapenos (alas, I don't have the balls for habaneros!). Only thing I need now is a decent cheese supplier...

Now damn, I can't wait to try this out...I was literally salivating while reading your article which was excellent, as usual, terry.

"Depending on your perspective you are an optimist or a pessimist[,] and a hopeless one too." --trhurler
hey man, good luck and please let me know (none / 0) (#56)
by mybostinks on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 03:12:19 PM EST

how it all turns out. Merry Xmas to ya too.

[ Parent ]
I ate a whole, fresh habanero once (3.00 / 2) (#21)
by MichaelCrawford on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 04:47:14 AM EST

I could swear I could feel the capsaicin flowing through my veins. Sounds became muffled, and I began to shake. The friend who gave it to me was concerned I might need to go to the hospital, but after a little while I was alright.

Most "habanero" hot sauce is actually mostly carrots cooked to liquid, with some habanero for flavor. The stuff to watch out for is just habaneros with no filler.


--

Live your fucking life. Sue someone on the Internet. Write a fucking music player. Like the great man Michael David Crawford has shown us all: Hard work, a strong will to stalk, and a few fries short of a happy meal goes a long way. -- bride of spidy


first time I ate one (none / 0) (#30)
by mybostinks on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 10:48:55 AM EST

i had the same reaction. But I had cut them up first. Then I scratched my balls and they were on fire.

It lasted about an hour. the only thing that worked was an ice cube wrapped in a washcloth.

[ Parent ]

supposedly dried is hotter (none / 0) (#42)
by thankyougustad on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 12:45:11 PM EST

and that's what I had my first time. I nearly passed out. Now I can nibble on the fresh ones. Of all the chilies habenero has, I think, the most flavor that isn't pure burning. I really like birds tongue too, and certain Thai chilies. . .

No no thanks no
Je n'aime que le bourbon
no no thanks no
c'est une affaire de goût.

[ Parent ]
yes they seem to be that way (none / 0) (#57)
by mybostinks on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 03:19:22 PM EST

when dried. I was miserable the first time I ate an habanero. The following year I started growing them and since then never looked back. They have a flavor and frangrance that is hard to match. The Maya call them "little pumpkins" because of the orange color and shape.

[ Parent ]
habaneros (none / 0) (#144)
by el gordo on Thu Feb 15, 2007 at 04:57:45 PM EST

I put my contact lenses in once after slicing up some habaneros.  Holy shit, you want to talk pain.  Just imagine administering pepper spray directly into your eyeballs.  I always wear latex gloves when handling those demonic little bastards these days.

[ Parent ]
It blows my mind that (2.00 / 5) (#25)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 08:29:31 AM EST

you people don't immediately kill stupid crap like recipes in the queue.

----------------

Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.

Probably the recent flow of how to pick up chix (none / 0) (#36)
by 1419 on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 11:46:57 AM EST

articles helped to make this seem like a really awesome piece.

Besides it's intrinsic merits, of course.

Is it really much different/worse than an article on how to wake up in the morning?

[ Parent ]

No, it isn't. However, those sucked majorly, too. (none / 1) (#44)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 01:14:43 PM EST


----------------

Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.
[ Parent ]

So that means you admit to writing suckage /nt (none / 0) (#100)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 11:57:53 AM EST


--
Keep banging those rocks together, MMM!
- Kasreyn


[ Parent ]
You think my other stuff sux too dammit! (none / 0) (#53)
by mybostinks on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 02:29:53 PM EST

ROR...and that's OK, I still like and read your stuff and enjoy it.

[ Parent ]
I just hate recipe's and any kind of content that (none / 1) (#62)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 04:52:55 PM EST

doesn't make people mad. You've had some good stuff, I think. But seriously, these recipes Husify all of us. We need to rise above that kind of crap.

----------------

Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.
[ Parent ]

no we don't (none / 1) (#69)
by khallow on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 09:15:39 PM EST

Just because Husi might do something right, doesn't mean we have to knee-jerk and not be like Husi. And one has to read Husi to benefit from recipes on Husi. My advice, stop being a Husi whore, then you won't care what's on Husi and whether K5 content bears a passing resemblance to anything on Husi. You might start thinking clearly too. Improve yourself intellectually and all that.

Stating the obvious since 1969.
[ Parent ]

Let me clarify: (none / 0) (#88)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 07:23:56 AM EST

recipes are not doing something right. And Husi does nothing right. EVERY time I go there, i leave with a slightly gay feeling that we should be driving morally responsible cars and having morally responsible conversations over morally responsible drinks.

That is always wrong.

----------------

Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.
[ Parent ]

morally responsible drinking and driving? /nt (none / 0) (#91)
by 1419 on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 08:55:11 AM EST



[ Parent ]
They manage to taint everything with the idea (none / 1) (#92)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 09:05:27 AM EST

of Politically Correct Moral Responsibility. It's disgusting.

----------------

Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.
[ Parent ]

ok, I see your point (none / 0) (#102)
by khallow on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 12:07:36 PM EST

But this husification thing is getting in the way of my perfect burrito. If we start seeing quiche recipes then I'll perform the necessary culling.

Stating the obvious since 1969.
[ Parent ]

K5 is a Recipe Club face it. (none / 0) (#123)
by livus on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 07:56:15 PM EST

even the programming stuff is suspiciously like recipes, not to mention the bottle rockets, home abortions, and your little lit crit stir fries.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
Habenero (3.00 / 2) (#41)
by thankyougustad on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 12:39:58 PM EST

I don't think the Habenero is the hottest chili in the world, I believe it is just the hottest that is readily available. Further, there are several cultivars of Habenero which rate higher on the scoville scale, such as the scotch bonnet.

No no thanks no
Je n'aime que le bourbon
no no thanks no
c'est une affaire de goût.

Scotch Bonnet is NOT the hottest not by a (none / 0) (#45)
by mybostinks on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 01:17:33 PM EST

long shot. According to the Scoville Scale this
and according to this.

The Habanero is rated:
Red Savina Habañero 350,000 - 550,000
Scotch Bonnet 80,000 - 300,000


[ Parent ]

now that you mention it (none / 1) (#50)
by thankyougustad on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 02:06:12 PM EST

Wikipedia says that the scotch bonnet is reputed by some to the be the hottest pepper in the world. The scoville scale is unfortunately limited since hotness can very pepper to pepper and from lab to lab.

No no thanks no
Je n'aime que le bourbon
no no thanks no
c'est une affaire de goût.

[ Parent ]
ok cool interesting [nt] (none / 0) (#52)
by mybostinks on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 02:26:18 PM EST



[ Parent ]
The hottest recorded is a Habanero [nt] (none / 0) (#46)
by mybostinks on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 01:20:13 PM EST



[ Parent ]
well, a cultivar in anycase (none / 1) (#49)
by thankyougustad on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 02:05:05 PM EST

not strictly speaking a habenero that you are going to buy at the market.

No no thanks no
Je n'aime que le bourbon
no no thanks no
c'est une affaire de goût.

[ Parent ]
Don't know about habañeros (none / 0) (#77)
by HackerCracker on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 12:37:03 AM EST

But I swear those little red chiles that come with some chinese dishes are set on fire with the flames of hell.

Those fuckers are hot—well, to me at least.

[ Parent ]
probably bird's tongues (none / 0) (#80)
by thankyougustad on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 01:03:21 AM EST

also known in the Thai language as mouse shits. Pretty damn hot, yes.

No no thanks no
Je n'aime que le bourbon
no no thanks no
c'est une affaire de goût.

[ Parent ]
Not really, though YMMV (none / 0) (#83)
by spasticfraggle on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 01:39:03 AM EST

An average Habenero is substantially hotter than Scotch Bonnet, or as you suggest later in the thread: any Hab you can buy in a shop is going to be stronger than the Scotch Bonnet sitting next to it.

It might be more diplomatic to phrase it as "The Habenero is one of the hottest peppers, and the one against all others are judged".

--
I'm the straw that broke the camel's back!
[ Parent ]

Try again (none / 0) (#113)
by dissonant on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 04:00:57 PM EST

It's not a Habañero or a Scotch Bonnet, it's the Naga Jolokia from Assam, India.  Anywhere from 850,000 to 1,000,000 scoville.   Linky:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naga_Jolokia_pepper

[ Parent ]
well (none / 0) (#126)
by thankyougustad on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 08:02:09 PM EST

I didn't say the Scotch Bonnet was the hottest in the world, merely that I think it's hotter than your average habenero. . . and there is some debate there, as evinced by this thread. I stand by my claim that the habernero is the hottest pepper anyone reading this website is likely to find.

No no thanks no
Je n'aime que le bourbon
no no thanks no
c'est une affaire de goût.

[ Parent ]
I'd agree (none / 0) (#135)
by dissonant on Wed Dec 13, 2006 at 05:16:34 PM EST

I'd definitely agree with that.  I'm sure if I really really hunted for it, I could probably find SOMEWHERE to get a Naga Jolokia, but...   even I don't want to try eating something that hot.

[ Parent ]
+1 making me hungry (3.00 / 2) (#48)
by Wen Jian on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 01:52:19 PM EST

And reminding me of the time that we got kicked out of a mexican restaurant in Leipzig for giving them a tip...

And the time a Turkish guy was threatening to kill some people on the next table at the OTHER mexican in town - the 'friendly one'

"Ich hab' 'ne Messer innen meinem Tasche! Kennst Du? Kennst Du?"
It was an experiment in lulz. - Rusty

Hold on a second... (none / 0) (#51)
by mybostinks on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 02:24:19 PM EST

why would you get kicked out of a restaurant for leaving a tip?

[ Parent ]
Something to do with (none / 0) (#59)
by Wen Jian on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 03:51:28 PM EST

The owners being East German Crazies, I think. I was a bit short so I gave the guy a tip of 15% (above average) but had to do it in (relatively) small change. A few 10 cent and 20 cent pieces in there. He flipped out and started complaining, and my girlfriend (who's also an East German Crazy) said something along the lines of "It's money, what's the problem?" and then they kicked us out. East Germans are not known for having a strong customer service ethic - if they're having a bad day, everyone knows about it.

We never went back.
It was an experiment in lulz. - Rusty
[ Parent ]

Taco Bell and E. coli update (none / 0) (#54)
by mybostinks on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 03:05:21 PM EST

located here. Another reason to make your own food if possible.

there are so many of those vegetable gardens in (none / 0) (#55)
by dakini on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 03:11:57 PM EST

california that sell at roadside stands, its a wonder there arent more getting ill..there should be a way they can scrutinize them more..

" May your vision be clear, your heart strong, and may you always follow your dreams."
[ Parent ]
probably not (none / 0) (#67)
by khallow on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 09:06:30 PM EST

This is California here. They probably already excessively scrutinize roadside stands as it is.

Stating the obvious since 1969.
[ Parent ]

I bet taco bell (none / 0) (#136)
by Morally Inflexible on Sun Dec 17, 2006 at 02:36:20 AM EST

buys from giant factory farms rather than roadside stands.

[ Parent ]
I will push this to vote in 1 hr and 15 min /nt (none / 1) (#66)
by mybostinks on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 06:42:08 PM EST



Condiment: Guacamole (unbelievably easy!) (3.00 / 6) (#68)
by rusty on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 09:14:21 PM EST

If you're making a burrito, you really need some guacamole. Guacamole is made out of avocados, so if you can't find (even remotely) fresh avocados where you are, forget it. I'm in Maine, though, and I'm pretty sure there isn't an avocado grown within 500 miles of here and I never have any trouble finding them, so take a look at the supermarket. They're dark green and sort of shiny and nubbly, and usually about the size of a large apple.

Now guacamole is a strange green color, so it must be complicated, right? Wrong! Packaged guac is the biggest scam ever. Guacamole takes about a minute to make, then you let it sit around for maybe half an hour (or less, if necessary) and it's ready to eat. That simple. There isn't even any cooking involved. Here's what you do:

  • Take 2 or 3 avocados, or frankly however many you want. Cut each one straight across the middle, sort of around the big pit that's embedded in the center. Pull the halves apart, and one half will have the pit stuck in it. Pull out the pit (this is honestly the hardest part of this whole recipe -- there's a trick where you embed the blade of a knife in it and sort of twist it out, but I'll be damned if I'm about to try to describe it in text). Got the pit out? Good. Now take a big spoon and scoop out all the mushy stuff that's between the leathery skin and where the pit was. Avocados are about the most self-explanatory fruit ever -- if it's not skin and it's not pit, you want to keep it. Put this stuff in a bowl.
  • Chop up some garlic, The exact value of "some" depends on how much you like garlic. Almost any amount will work. Chop it pretty fine, or crush it up into a paste if you don't like garlic chunks.
  • Put the garlic in your bowl of avocado mush.
  • Put some salt in your bowl of avocado-garlic mush.
  • Put a little bit of lemon juice in. About a teaspoon per cup of mush does it.
  • If you feel fancy, add like finely chopped cilantro or some shit like that. Y'know. Fancy stuff. Not really necessary though. I believe I've seen this made with crushed walnuts, but I regard adding walnuts to anything about as useful as adding gravel to it, so I don't do it. But if you like walnuts a lot, hey go crazy. It's a free country amirite?
  • Then mash everything together well with a potato masher or sturdy fork or your thoroughy-washed fingers or whatever. Squish it up until it's more or less an even paste and everything's mixed together.
  • At this point you have guacamole. You can eat it right away, but if you have time, let it sit in the fridge for an hour or so -- it will be much better after all the flavors  a chance to mix and even out.

Everyone we have ever served this too (including some people who had never even seen a burrito before) has utterly loved it. We actually ration the stuff at parties, because if you put it all out at the start it's gone before half the guests have arrived. It's like yummy, garlicky green crack. So if you're going to all the trouble of making yourself burritos, please take one spare minute while you're waiting for something to cook and whip up some of this to go with them.


____
Not the real rusty
excellent recipe for WalkaMolee (none / 0) (#73)
by mybostinks on Sun Dec 10, 2006 at 09:27:09 PM EST

and I thought of including one. But since I was steering the article to people that may not be able to find avocados, I left it out.

Thanks for adding it in.

As an aside, the heart of avocado country is Temicula(sp?) California, just outside San Diego. It grows in the hills and the only way to pick them are to use ladders. I am told that this is why avocado is so expensive.

Maybe someone lives close to there and can give more info about it.

[ Parent ]

Well (none / 0) (#74)
by thankyougustad on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 12:11:57 AM EST

My ma grew up in SoCa and she says they just picked the Avocados off the trees in the front yard, no ladder. Man I hate to come off as a hater.

No no thanks no
Je n'aime que le bourbon
no no thanks no
c'est une affaire de goût.

[ Parent ]
hater?? (none / 1) (#75)
by mybostinks on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 12:18:28 AM EST

i was talking about commercial orchards. I dont think avocado companies go around and pick them off trees in people's yards. YUO THINK?

[ Parent ]
nah, unlikely (none / 0) (#79)
by thankyougustad on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 12:44:11 AM EST

but a tree's a tree, amirit? anyway it's not cuz a cado has to be harvested with a ladder that it's good.

No no thanks no
Je n'aime que le bourbon
no no thanks no
c'est une affaire de goût.

[ Parent ]
i did some research (none / 0) (#81)
by mybostinks on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 01:10:40 AM EST

and it seems the main reason is the import banning avocados from mexico and central america. But in 2007 all 50 states will allow avocados to be imported. So maybe the prices will go down.

[ Parent ]
alright (none / 0) (#82)
by thankyougustad on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 01:13:15 AM EST

that sounds good. But frankly I don't mind paying two bucks for an awesome avocado. Never have, never will.

No no thanks no
Je n'aime que le bourbon
no no thanks no
c'est une affaire de goût.

[ Parent ]
Temecula is mostly known for wineries these days (none / 0) (#76)
by HackerCracker on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 12:28:50 AM EST

Avocados grow just about anywhere in southern California. At one of the houses I grew up in around Pasadena there was a giant avocado tree in the yard next door to us that pretty much rained avocados.

Avocados are expensive because people are willing to pay ridiculous prices for them. There's no magic to them. *shrug*

[ Parent ]
ok that makes sense, thanks (none / 0) (#78)
by mybostinks on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 12:41:29 AM EST

i thought there was an actual reason. I was there one day on a business trip and that was what was told to me. They were probably pulling my leg.

[ Parent ]
Forgetting a few ingredients. (none / 1) (#84)
by Psycho Dave on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 01:43:11 AM EST

Good guac must have some diced tomatoes, diced red onion, diced jalapenos (or serranos, or if you like heat, half a habanero sans the seeds) and a dash of lime juice.

[ Parent ]
If you like (none / 1) (#93)
by rusty on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 10:53:54 AM EST

You may consider my list above the absolute bare minimum to produce something that resembles guacamole, and add whatever else you like to it. It's a portmanteau kind of condiment, after all. Your additions sound yummy.

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]
yeah, nature boy definitely fails this one. (none / 1) (#103)
by the spins on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 12:21:32 PM EST


 _
( )
 X
/ \ SUPPORT THE DEL GRIFFITH MODBOMBING CAMPAIGN

[ Parent ]

We bought an avocado in rural Newfoundland (none / 0) (#86)
by MichaelCrawford on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 03:54:56 AM EST

where my wife is from, and the cashier had to ask what it was, as she had never seen one before.


--

Live your fucking life. Sue someone on the Internet. Write a fucking music player. Like the great man Michael David Crawford has shown us all: Hard work, a strong will to stalk, and a few fries short of a happy meal goes a long way. -- bride of spidy


[ Parent ]

Crushing Garlic (none / 0) (#95)
by wiredog on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 11:11:24 AM EST

The absolute best way to mince/finely chop/crush garlic is with a garlic press.

Wilford Brimley scares my chickens.
Phil the Canuck

[ Parent ]
Bah (none / 1) (#97)
by rusty on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 11:20:43 AM EST

Garlic presses are for sissies. Just peel the clove, lay the flat of your knife down on it, and give it a good whack with your hand. Then chop the resulting paste a bit to break it up.

End the tyranny of single-use kitchen utensils!

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]

Luddite! (none / 0) (#98)
by wiredog on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 11:34:47 AM EST

I bet you think food processors are for sissies too! After all, they don't do anything you couldn't do with a good knife. They just make it easier.

Wilford Brimley scares my chickens.
Phil the Canuck

[ Parent ]
Real Men don't use food processors when knife worx (none / 0) (#99)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 11:47:12 AM EST

nut tug

--
Keep banging those rocks together, MMM!
- Kasreyn


[ Parent ]
not true (none / 0) (#105)
by thankyougustad on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 12:28:57 PM EST

you can't, for instance, knead dough with a knife. For certain things the only equivalent to a good mixer is a food mill, but fuck it a food processes is really neat. I use mine for turning steamed spinach into mush for spinach pasta and gnocchi, liquefying home made hot sauce, making mayo, making some kinds of tomato sauce, etc, etc. I wouldn't do any of that with a knife.

No no thanks no
Je n'aime que le bourbon
no no thanks no
c'est une affaire de goût.

[ Parent ]
Julienne Fries? (none / 0) (#110)
by grargrargrar on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 01:49:23 PM EST

Nah, Nah Text.

[ Parent ]
knife possible (none / 0) (#111)
by thankyougustad on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 02:04:23 PM EST

but definitely hella easier in a FP.

No no thanks no
Je n'aime que le bourbon
no no thanks no
c'est une affaire de goût.

[ Parent ]
Press == Stronger garlic flavor (none / 0) (#114)
by xC0000005 on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 04:10:52 PM EST

I use the "whack" method when I need a mild garlic flavor with bursts of stronger flavor, garlic press for strong garlic flavor. Now back to my sausage lentil soup, which contains 4 cloves of pressed garlic. It ought to be wrong to eat this well.

Voice of the Hive - Beekeeping and Bees for those who don't
[ Parent ]
I like to add (none / 0) (#137)
by Morally Inflexible on Sun Dec 17, 2006 at 02:38:38 AM EST

cream cheese. Seriously, it's good. And Salsa.

[ Parent ]
Leave the Pit? (none / 0) (#140)
by thefirelane on Thu Dec 21, 2006 at 10:57:23 AM EST

I was always told to add the pit back in as it prevents the guac from turning color.. or atleast delays this process. True?

-
Prube.com: Like K5, but with less point.
[ Parent ]
Add it back in? (none / 0) (#141)
by rusty on Thu Dec 21, 2006 at 01:27:24 PM EST

Like, just plop it in there? I don't know. I can't see how it would make a difference except conceivably to the bit that it happens to be touching.

I always thought the lemon juice was in there to prevent it from oxidizing quickly.

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]

spaghetti (1.50 / 2) (#90)
by ditkis on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 08:48:08 AM EST



Wow that sounds nice (none / 0) (#101)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 12:04:28 PM EST

I've enjoyed burritos for years but have never made 'em. Depending on which group of bitches I spend my New Year with I might impress them with my Mexican cooking. I have to test-drive them this weekend though so I can fix any kinks.

I don't know how things are in non-Eastern USia but you can find tortillas in Scandinavia to Spain and between so that's not an issue. We even have these ready-made Tex-Mex packages which include everything to make burritos or tacos or whatnot - no, I'm not going to touch them.

I'm still a bit flummoxed about the coriander/cilantro confusion: coriander is readily available in the old world but I've never even heard of cilantro.

Another question is do you think Parmiggiano Reggiano work with burritos? It's parmesan for you USians, but this is the real deal imported from Italy which makes parmesan taste like saw dust. About €8 per 100g. I might just go for cheddar which is good, too.

--
Keep banging those rocks together, MMM!
- Kasreyn


coriander = cilantro (none / 0) (#104)
by thankyougustad on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 12:25:20 PM EST

also don't put your excellent Parmiggiano Reggiano on these aborted 'burritos,' cheddar will do just fine.

No no thanks no
Je n'aime que le bourbon
no no thanks no
c'est une affaire de goût.

[ Parent ]
According to the obvious googling (none / 0) (#106)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 12:43:27 PM EST

coriander and cilantro are not the same spice although they do come from the same plant. I have no clue how different they taste, though.

In any case, it appears cilantro is used in Chinese cooking so I can acquire that from my Chinese bitches.

--
Keep banging those rocks together, MMM!
- Kasreyn


[ Parent ]
well off hand (none / 0) (#107)
by thankyougustad on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 01:20:22 PM EST

I don't grow cilantro because I don't especially like its taste, but from what I do know about plants and especially herbs, I would guess that what we in the west call cilantro and coriander are 100% the same spice. I know that when I eat Vietnamese pho what they serve me as coriander does not look or taste at all like what I am used to. . . and I suspect then that there is more than one closely related plant being referred to as cilantro/coriander.

No no thanks no
Je n'aime que le bourbon
no no thanks no
c'est une affaire de goût.

[ Parent ]
That might be because according to (none / 0) (#108)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 01:24:28 PM EST

one website the Chinese and Thais use the cilantro part of the plant although they might call it coriander as cilantro is not well-known in the western world. Your experience suggests that the taste is very different for the two parts of the plant.

--
Keep banging those rocks together, MMM!
- Kasreyn


[ Parent ]
yes that is possible (none / 0) (#109)
by thankyougustad on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 01:38:57 PM EST

a kind of longer base leaf and the more common and familiar smaller leaves that might be the end of shoots. The cilantro you usually see looks a lot like Italian parsley, while the stuff the Vietnamese serve looks more like. . . I dunno, huge broccoli leaves or something. Someone has to know, but wikipedia makes no mention of this. It does say that my distaste for cilantro might be genetic, though my mom loves it, and I don't mind it in small amounts.

No no thanks no
Je n'aime que le bourbon
no no thanks no
c'est une affaire de goût.

[ Parent ]
it occurs to me (none / 0) (#117)
by thankyougustad on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 05:05:40 PM EST

are you not confusing coriander seed and coriander leaf when you say they are two different spices that come from the same plant? Coriander seed indeed doesn't taste like the leaf. . .

No no thanks no
Je n'aime que le bourbon
no no thanks no
c'est une affaire de goût.

[ Parent ]
It appears I'm not the only one who's confused (none / 0) (#120)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 05:35:36 PM EST

as many sources call the seed coriander and the leaf cilantro.

--
Keep banging those rocks together, MMM!
- Kasreyn


[ Parent ]
right (none / 0) (#121)
by thankyougustad on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 05:39:48 PM EST

I think calling the leaf cilantro, which is I guess the Spanish word for coriander, is a pure North American thing, although no one ever says cilantro seed, its always coriander. So to sum up:
1 cilantro and coriander are the same plant
2 Both its leaves and seeds are used in cooking
3 The Vietnamese serve something they call coriander, but isn't, with their pho.

No no thanks no
Je n'aime que le bourbon
no no thanks no
c'est une affaire de goût.

[ Parent ]
This is completely correct. (none / 0) (#122)
by livus on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 07:52:54 PM EST

"Cilantro" is usually just the North American word for "fresh coriander leaves".

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
Good Eating (3.00 / 2) (#115)
by xC0000005 on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 04:19:58 PM EST

I love tex mex food (originating in Texas myself). It's not true mexican food. Not like what I ate in all the time I spent in Mexico but it's the food I crave when I think about "home". When you wake up in the morning and the air is filled with the sound of the senoras patting totillas you know you'll eat well that day. You just have to be willing to eat things that might not pass US restaurant standards. I always did. I never knew if I might not pass that way again. I wasn't aware that my last trip down there would be my last and I have never regretted the meals I had there.

Now there was a fun discussion on night - "Why are they burying that goat? Did it die? Ummm...yes. About the same time we cut its throat." Build the coals, bury the goat and walk away. Return for good solid food.

Voice of the Hive - Beekeeping and Bees for those who don't

Burrito= Little donkey? (none / 0) (#116)
by AdriftInTheFog on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 05:03:06 PM EST

I once asked a Filipino colleague of mine about this.
Burro= Donkey
Burra= Butter
Burritos contain butter, but no donkey.

"little donkey", as in (none / 1) (#119)
by mikelist on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 05:29:55 PM EST

carries just about anything. You'd be surprised at how much stuff doesn't quite stay the same when translated.

I worked with a bunch of guys from Zacateca, they always brought a roasting pan with meat (various kinds, not always great, but good), beans, pasta/potatoes, sometimes cheese, a bowl of pico de gallo and a real tall stack of masa tortillas. They always invited me to eat with them, and I always accepted the invitation, for about three years.

I gave away a lot of cigarettes, but still way cheaper than buying lunch.

The moral of the story is that anything (actually, I never saw ground beef, but that doesn't mean...)you want to wrap in a tortilla is a taco or burrito (the difference seems to be in whether it is rolled or folded) and is acceptable as such.

 Tortillas are almost as much tableware as they are bread.  

[ Parent ]

ground beef and tacos (none / 0) (#129)
by Abominable Abitur on Tue Dec 12, 2006 at 02:19:30 PM EST

There is usually a ground beef option in many of the restaurants in Arizona. Generally its mixed with chiles and sometimes with beans.

The taco thing can be very localized. I rarely if never saw rolled tacos until I was in college. I'm not sure where the influence came from, but I'm very happy to have them.

Generally if you ordered asada tacos you'd get a plate of little tortillas with some meat on them and then bowls of condiments (cabbage, guacamole, tomatillo salsa, pico, queso, etc) would be passed around to complete the meal. You add your condiments, fold it once and eat. Usually you'd get two or three bites out of one. They generally sold for $0.25 to $0.50 per. We never said "tacos" we would usually just say we were going for Asada.

When I was in college I stayed with a friend in Yuma. I ate dinner and breakfast there. They asked if I wanted silverware. I said no. We made a plate with food and there was a stack of tortillas in the middle. It was simple food but having a tortilla to wrap it in made it great.

I'm glad I moved back to Arizona. I buy my tortillas from the same store my parents used to buy them 30 years ago. They make a decent carne seca and a to-die-for chile verde.

Tortilla Casserole tastes 2000% better made from 'homemade' tortillas rather than those store-bought 'wraps' crap.

"Terrorism is only a viable "political activist" method for marginalized nutjobs, bottom line. The backlash that it causes makes it intractable for any reasonable ideology. Which is why you don't generally see wild athiest suicide bombers in america's streets." - lonelyhobo
[ Parent ]

Are you fucking kidding? (1.25 / 4) (#118)
by WonderJoust on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 05:21:36 PM EST

How the FUCK did this make it to front page?!

Jesus H. Christ, this site is slipping something awful.

_________________________________
i like your style: bitter, without being a complete cunt about it.
-birds ate my face

I highly approve of this article (none / 1) (#125)
by livus on Mon Dec 11, 2006 at 08:00:37 PM EST

thanks for writing it.

Your "warning" only applies to incredibly insecure people who probably are a bit bi-curious, but aside from that the whole thing's perfect.

In fact I'm inspired to finally get around to planting out some fresh corriander. I prepared a herb planter earlier for that purpose, but have been too lazy.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

Nice Taco Bell Burrito Fold (none / 0) (#128)
by Abominable Abitur on Tue Dec 12, 2006 at 12:18:41 PM EST

Holy shit, fold it like a man!

Figures, that's some shitty Tex-Mex for you. In the REAL Southwest you learn to fold your burro so it's a package.

And I learned from an old mexican woman so...there.

"Terrorism is only a viable "political activist" method for marginalized nutjobs, bottom line. The backlash that it causes makes it intractable for any reasonable ideology. Which is why you don't generally see wild athiest suicide bombers in america's streets." - lonelyhobo

You're so cool. Can I be like you? (none / 0) (#132)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Tue Dec 12, 2006 at 08:50:36 PM EST

You can start my enlightenment by EXPLAINING HOW YOU DO THIS ORIGAMI-MASTERFUL FOLD.

Jackass.

--
Keep banging those rocks together, MMM!
- Kasreyn


[ Parent ]
okay dipshit (none / 0) (#133)
by Abominable Abitur on Wed Dec 13, 2006 at 10:37:24 AM EST

well, there are several ways depending on the size of your tortilla.

You're going to need a bigger tortilla because yours is obviously smaller than average, are you from India?

  • place your mixture of whatever across the tortilla just like in the first picture of the article, not in the middle but closer to you.
  • fold the close flap over the mixture.
  • fold the sides in so it looks like an envelope.
  • roll the whole thing over so it's a nice package.

if you have really juicy additives, it will still leak, but you're already well on your way to good times.

    alternate method
  • same step one
  • fold the sides first
  • then fold the flap closest to you
  • then tuck and roll.


"Terrorism is only a viable "political activist" method for marginalized nutjobs, bottom line. The backlash that it causes makes it intractable for any reasonable ideology. Which is why you don't generally see wild athiest suicide bombers in america's streets." - lonelyhobo
[ Parent ]
The 10 Minute Burrito (3.00 / 2) (#131)
by bindlestiff on Tue Dec 12, 2006 at 08:36:53 PM EST

I'm sure your recipe is very genuine and good but here's how I do it in 10 minutes or less on a paper plate, zero drama.  Just build a chopped, sliced, torn up pile on top of:

1 pre-made tortilla shell (I like Mannys Low Carb)

A couple tablespoons black beans out of a drained can.  I've never bothered to mash them.

A small plum tomato or piece of larger tomato.

a little meat or fish (!) if you've got it, completely optional.  

A couple tablespoons of salsa.

A few generous shakes of chili powder mix.  Dont be cheap.

A shake of Goya Adobo

A few shakes of Cominos (Cumin)

A Pinch of cayenne pepper or hot sauce.

Some minced garlic or garlic powder

Any other damn thing you want.  I like onion greens, cilantro, green or red sweet pepper. Pineaple chunks are really good with fish!

Shave or cut some cheese and don't be cheap with it.  I like sharp cheddar, use whatever you want.

Throw it in the microwave for 1 minute or two.

Roll it up and eat.

This is way easier and pretty damn good.  Throw on  some garnish and a little side dish, maybe a Corona  or other chilled Pilsner with lime and people will think you actually worked at this.  

Completely wrong (none / 0) (#134)
by theboz on Wed Dec 13, 2006 at 03:50:42 PM EST

First of all, burritos do not have cheese in them. Cheese generally results in a quesadilla or some similar thing like a vampiro taco.

Secondly, the original burritos were small and made with machaca, which is a form of shredded dried beef that is very tasty. Over time they grew to include other ingredients and larger sizes. A typical Sonoran burrito now is big, made with flour, and usually includes beans, carne asada (grilled steak), avocado or guacamole, and some salsa that you put on at the time. Further south they tend to add a lot of lettuce and tomatoes and such.

Anyway, the "bean and cheese burrito" is really just a type of quesadilla, and in missing the meat, it is a pretty gay food.

As others pointed out, you're missing cilantro and a few other things as well.

Stuff.

What a muddle. (1.00 / 2) (#139)
by Tezcatlipoca on Sun Dec 17, 2006 at 05:49:15 AM EST

This is England. You can buy flour tortillas in pretty much every supermarket here. And the rest of Europe frankly. Flour tortillas are part of the globalized essential pantry now.

I don't know why you single out Mayan people about the use of donkeys (burros), pretty much all around Mexico donkeys are still widely used, the reasons for this are mostly lack of roads and the difficult terrain (Mexico is after all a very active country from a geophysical and volcanic point of view).

As for getting crap burritos in Chiapas, I'll give you a hint: burritos are Tex-Mex food. Not Chiapan food. Not even pure Mexican food (we could discuss for some time what this is, given the many different regions in Mexico, but the unifying themes are corn, chili, tomato, and perhaps chocolate). Burritos lack a fundamental ingredient: corn.

Most Mexicans eat chili. Any  of around 70 something varieties of it. To split hairs between habanero and jalapeño is unnecessary, it provides no useful information.

Just a very short list of chilis popular in Mexico: poblano, ancho, de arbol, guajillo, chipotle, habanero, jalapeño, pasilla, pimiento, güero, cuaresmeño (I am too lazo to google for a comprehensive list).

I will say this only once: there is not such a thing as a "traditional Maya burrito", neither a dish, neither a beast.

If you only roll a tortilla with the filling inside, then, in terms strictly technical, you are making a taco.

If you actually grap the filling in all sides with your tortilla so the contents can't escape, then you are making a burrito (you would be making a parcel after all, which is what burros are famed for carrying after all).

Real Mexica men do not use sissy low gluten flour, or do not admit to it anyway, even if that would make them sick and die in an allergic seizure.

You really give away you nerdy background when dividing the dough for the tortillas (divide by 2, and then by 3 or whatever! Argh!). Just tace enough to make a ball that is comfortable to hold in your hand. By the thirs tortilla you will chose the right size. THis is not rocket science really.

You go to all trouble to make flour tortillas and then get a can of beans. Now, that is something you may not find everywhere. Buy the beans as seed , let them to soak water during a night in a pot, then boil them with half an onion, salt and any aromatic herbs you can find, until they are tender, you should be able to mash one with your fingers).

You USians, now even onions are branded, you know no limits frankly...

You can replace the rolling pin with anything with a flat bottom: get a clean plastic bag, cut two sheets of plastic big enough to sit under the implement with a flat bottom (anything really: a pan, a book), put the ball of dough between the sheets of plastic (grease it slightly so it does not stick) and then press with the flat bottomed object. You can make your tortillas a bit thinner with a bottle or something of the sort, but usually is not necessary.

As for your last sentence, it is gratuitous, unnecessary and unfunny. And in any case burros are eaten with fork and knife (Tex-Mex, remember?) unlike tacos, that should be eaten with your bare, hopefully clean, hands.

Might is right
Freedom? Which freedom?

I'm not sure what's happening in step six (none / 0) (#142)
by redqueen on Fri Dec 22, 2006 at 03:41:09 PM EST

It looks more like a close-up, which is fine.

Sounds like my sister-in-law's burritos -- and they're delicious. I'll try the recipe.

Best "interesting female" (impersonator): redqueen. - sausalito

Thank you (none / 0) (#143)
by tert on Sat Dec 30, 2006 at 01:40:47 PM EST

Since I'm a k5er (IOW, asshole), I'll start with the criticism.  You make the tortilla part more complicated in words than it is in actions.  And the burrito part is totally redundant -- anyone who can't figure out what filling to put inside a burrito should be aborted before they learn to read (though I did appreciate rusty's reminder that guaca is about the simplest food on earth, even if you don't live in Cali).

That said, I followed your directions but I used butter instead of lard, and I took some shortcuts, and some olive oil made it in, and I used a dirty pan, and "reasonably round" didn't even enter into it.  Nonetheless, my result was effortlessly and wonderfully tortilla-esque!  Thanks for teaching me this delightfully simple and rewarding skill.

FYI on Vidalia Onions (none / 0) (#145)
by el gordo on Thu Feb 15, 2007 at 05:13:50 PM EST

Vidalias are not really rare, they are just not available year-round.  Look for them starting in late April till around September or so.  They cannot be winter-hardened like some other onions, so they do not store well.  Once the crop has been exhausted for the year, that is it.  Other similar onions that are nearly as sweet include the Texas 1015, Walla Walla Sweet, and the Maui.  There is a variety called the Empire Sweet that is grown in New York State, but it is not as sweet as the others.

mixing and making the tortillas (none / 0) (#146)
by tinoamor on Fri Apr 20, 2007 at 12:26:31 AM EST


even in the us it's a treat to make them and not have to buy them prefabbed...as for the tortilla making, just measure and throw the ingredients into a bread machine and let it do the sticky work for you...the mixing is thorough and is evident in the taste...

also, yes...just one brown spot on each side and its done...if you put your hot stuff in, wrap it, all tortilla will finish cooking to perfection...

no puns intended...

"the illusion is that we're driving alone, on some long, lonely highway, and that nobody knows how fast we're going"  Tino Romero.  World of Life in LA.

Making a Southwestern Burrito from Scratch | 146 comments (114 topical, 32 editorial, 0 hidden)
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