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[P]
Sotol Moonshine

By terryfunk in Culture
Wed Feb 22, 2006 at 12:00:00 PM EST
Tags: etc (all tags)
/etc

It's June 1981 in the early summer afternoon and the temperature in this oasis is well over 102 degrees F. I just got off from a four day shift, with about 12 hours sleep. I'm raw, smell like a goat and look like a bum. So despite the heat of the vast northern Chihuahuan Desert, a nice soak in hot springs of a Mexican-tiled tub seems relaxing.

Pugilist Paul greets me with his nearly seven foot frame, as I step out of my truck. His yap-dog terrier is barking so loud and hard it almost shakes itself off its legs. "Don't worry 'bout 'im, he never bites." Pugilist makes this bold statement while the little rat dog bites me behind the right knee. "Shit!" I yelp, "You just said he wouldn't bite for christsakes!" Pugilist let out a half-assed chuckle. My thoughts are really warped now. "Dammit!" I think, "this ain't starting out right at all."

"Aw shit!", Pugilist said, "Come on inside and let's take a look." I am corkscrewed around watching blood trickle from the two puncture wounds. Pugilist grabs some hydrogen peroxide from the medicine cabinet. "He's had his shots." Then I watch the peroxide foam as he pours it on the dog bite. Pugilist next pulls out a five gallon jerry can and two half-sized midget shot glasses. "No we're not going to pour gasoline on it," I'm thinking. "I don't care if the dog does have rabies!" Twelve hours sleep in four days twists your thinking.


Solamente elixir de agave

Pugilist Paul an ex-Marine and his Austrian wife, are restoring and renovating the Kingston Hot Springs, now years later, it's known as the Chinati Hot Springs. Half the adventure of ending up at the oasis in the desert is the trip to it. The usual route is going through Presidio, TX on US Highway 67 out of Marfa, TX, one of the oldest highways in the US highway system. Then one continues along the river road The more adventurous way to get there however, is to take the Pinto Canyon Road, Texas FM 2810. I call it the pucker road.

It takes you past the base of Chinati Peak and limestone outcroppings where peyote cactus and sotol agave grow. Each turn of the road is an Ansel Adams print on steroids and amphetamines. The drive involves a blue highway scenic route that degrades into a dusty dirt and washboard nightmare. At 11 miles the road dives down into the bottom of the canyon, then over a native stone arched bridge. If you take the correct fork in the road after coming up and out of Pinto Canyon, you pass by a precarious and old landing strip, an oasis opens up and you go down into the hot springs. Humans of the area, though long since passed on, have been making this journey for thousands of years.

"This will ease your pain a little", Pugilist Paul shrugs with a bit of swagger. With his huge hands, Pugilist takes the 5 gallon jerry can and fills up the two midget shot glasses. "What's this?" I laugh, while looking in amazement at these two midget-sized shot glasses filled with light greenish-gold liquid. "Pugilist, you're a little fuckin' light on the drinks tonight aren't ya?" He only grins and holds up his glass for a toast.

We click glasses and we both knock back the midget shooters. I am half expecting to resist spitting it out. Pugilist looks at me, "Um...you really need to treat this stuff with some respect." he calmly speaks, "Or you'll end up on your ass." Pugilist is always calm. Then I notice how this is as smooth as honey and it just slithers down my gullet like a liquid rattlesnake with no poisonous bite. Noticing also that Pugilist only has half a thimble left. He waits with a sly grin for my reaction which is surely to come forth.

I slowly realize what an odd sight this is. This huge ex-marine sitting across from a scrawny, skinny legged, dog-bit half-wit, drinking god-knows-what, with two midget shot glasses and a jerry can on a red-checkered table cloth. It reminds me of a twisted Norman Rockwell scene. "Wow! What is this? It's great!" shoving my shot glass towards him. He pours me another. "It's sotol moonshine."

Sotol grows weed-like everywhere around here, it makes for all the mysterious scenery. Up to this point, I am thinking scenery is all it is good for. I start relaxing a bit and knock back shot #2. BAM! easin' it down slowly... "yeah right I am," I think to myself.

hecho en Chihuahua, Mexico

"Where'd you get it?" I inquire. We both know this would be my next question. Pugilist goes on to tell me about a Mexican family across the river that makes this to sell on the U.S. side of the frontier. They are poor ranch workers that, like most here, love the vast Chihuahuan Desert and its mysteries. They've never lived anywhere else. Occasionally, they come across the river to immerse in the healing powers of the hot springs. Every time they come across the river for a stay, they always bring a jerry can of sotol, to pay for their stay for the weekend and drink with Pugilist.

It is smooth as silk. "How much is it? Can you get me a can?" Of course I know the answer but it's worth a try anyway. Pugilist gets a serious look on his Scots-Irish face. "No way, too hard to get it." he tells me.

Indeed, I suppose. This type of agave mezcal is only made in the state of Chihuahua, Mexico. Even then it is confined to Northern Chihuahua along the frontera, the border. Like it's cousin tequila, sotol is made from the same family of plants, the agave. Unknown to most people all tequilas are mezcals but not all mezcals are tequila. Sotol is a regional mezcal and not common. Sotol is a rarity for anyone except native chuahuanistas. That is why this night is a special and rare treat. The light golden-green liquid is superb.

Tequila is made from the maguey plant and sotol is from a related but different plant. Like tequila, sotol is made from a mature plant and I assume that the older the better. The reason being that the more mature the plant the greater the abundance of natural sugars in the root. Some say, this is the reason there is rarely a hang over after drinking tequila, at least under normal circumstances.

I have never seen sotol being made [see NOTES below]. But the process must be similar to that of tequila. I know that like the tequila maguey, sotol starts from the large root of the plant. It is then low baked in earthen ovens fueled by mesquite wood for a number of hours. Then it is allowed to cool and the baked root is pulverized and chopped up. This presumably masticated mess is then fermented for almost two weeks after which it is most likely distilled once and canned.

Visions of mezcalito

I hammer down #3, then #4, then #5 and start talking about whatever shit that starts popping into my head. Hell, I don't even know what kind of psycho babble I'm spewing. I do keep wondering why Pugilist appears to be growing a second head. This stuff loosens your tongue with the result being outbursts of brain farts and a lubricated false sense of deep self-knowledge. Maybe it is my state of mind or my frame of reference. The thought passes through my mind that I might be getting the onset of rabies...wacko thinking indeed. I envision the local paper in the morning headlines! "Rabid man brought in for observation while drinking gasoline from a jerry can and striking a match." Or "Naked Man found wandering in desert claiming to be mezcalito and foaming at the mouth"

I finally decide to listen to Pugilist and sip it slow. Winding up as a headline in a small local paper is not something I want work to find out. Elixer de agave is like that. I know this though, I will never go to a party that has sotol in cans, not without wearing a .45 revolver, an extra six rounds and wear it on the hip. One minute people are standing up and laughing and the next minute those same people having over-indulged in sotol are either laying around passed out and slobbering on themselves or they're chasing your wife or girlfriend. Trust me, the party WILL get out of control.

This strangeness continues when I look up and notice two hours have passed. Pugilist and I have talked and laughed and I can't even remember about what. My body feels like rubber and I haven't moved much of anything but my mouth and bending elbow. I don't feel my legs and I don't care either. With sotol you can saw your legs off and bleed to death in a messy blissful state with a smile.

I decide I've had enough, gone too far with this and turning all of it back is impossible. I am going to lose it into the swirling oblivious chaos. I see Pugilist and I declare to him that he now has two heads and I'm crosseyed. "Let me help you to your cabin" I hear him say, in a voice that seems far off and echoing from a distance. I tell him I am fine, just a little tired from the trip and in need of some desert air.

I stand up from the kitchen table fully expecting to take two steps to go out the kitchen door. As I try to take the first step my knee buckles and I fall backward. I almost land flat on my ass but Pugilist catches me, props me back up. "You sure you don't need any help?" he asks as I step out the kitchen door. Sotol (mezcalito) creeps up on you oh so gentle and then hits you in the back of the head with a bat.

el brujo

In the night desert air, things are clear. All one's thoughts vanish to allow for the next moment of realization. A deep breath of it can clear one's mind of all thinking, the mind becomes peaceful and at rest. In this state, there is always a brief moment when the world stops and the universe is frozen in time, in its vastness. It is then that you see the spirit of your soul and then, just as quickly, it flits away to leave forever.

I trail off to my cabin for a peaceful night's sleep. In my dreams, I dance and I fly.

"Mescalito"
Mescalito has opened up my eyes
Mescalito has set my mind at ease
Mescalito has opened up my eyes
Set my mind at ease!
Ah!

-James Taylor

NOTES:
1. DO NOT go to Mexico and try to score some moonshine. You DO NOT know how it is made and you could go blind and worse DIE. See NOTE 10 instead. You can purchase commercial sotol and not cause serious injury to yourself. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! Not to mention getting arrested by the judiciales and getting thrown in a Mexican jail, and getting the daily "soda pop" treatment and trying to figure out Napoleonic Law.
2. Highway map of Pinto Canyon Road. Another map, leading from Marfa, TX
3. Mezcal is not the same as mescal. Mescal will be another story
4. The Mexican state that makes more mezcal than any other is Oaxaca. The most notable mezcal from there is Gusano Rojo, Red Worm mezcal.
5. The best web site for tequila on the WWW is this Tequila web site. It includes a small section on the mezcals. Also included is how tequila is made. Highly recommended if you are interested in the tequila mystique
6. Blue highways are U.S highways that are scenic and NOT part of the U.S. Interstate system. On many service stations' maps they were marked in blue
7. The Chihuahuan Desert is THE largest desert in North America.
8. 102 degrees F == 38.9 degrees C
9. Spanish pronounciations: sotol: soe TOLE accent on 2nd syllable, chihuahua: chee WAH wah, solamente: soe lah MAIN tay - only, de: day - of, elixir: ay LEE here, agave: ah GAW bay, hecho: AY choe - made, en: ain - in,
10. Since this was written (some time ago) I have discovered a sotol mezcal here . I have never tried it, maybe someone can and let me know. I am going to see if it can be ordered locally where I live. My guess however is that 100+ proof (50% alcohol) sotol mezcal takes one to another level.

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Related Links
o Chihuahuan Desert
o Mexican-ti led tub
o Chinati Hot Springs
o US Highway 67
o Pinto Canyon Road
o Chinati Peak
o peyote
o sotol
o Norman Rockwell
o maguey plant
o my cabin
o Napoleonic Law
o Highway map
o map
o Gusano Rojo
o Tequila web site
o Blue highways
o largest desert
o 102 degrees F == 38.9 degrees C
o sotol mezcal here
o Also by terryfunk


Display: Sort:
Sotol Moonshine | 101 comments (75 topical, 26 editorial, 0 hidden)
What is (none / 0) (#2)
by alphaxer0 on Wed Feb 22, 2006 at 02:34:24 AM EST

the daily "soda pop" treatment?

In some mexican prisons... (none / 1) (#3)
by terryfunk on Wed Feb 22, 2006 at 02:43:43 AM EST

if they think you have some information that you are withholding and not giving them, you get restrained. Then someone gets a bottle of soda, shakes it up and squirts it up your nostrils.

I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]
BTW I have.... (none / 0) (#4)
by terryfunk on Wed Feb 22, 2006 at 02:49:59 AM EST

only heard about it, never experienced it, never wanted to see if it was true or not.

Even so, many people I have known have reported it.

I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]

I believe you (none / 0) (#5)
by alphaxer0 on Wed Feb 22, 2006 at 03:11:06 AM EST



[ Parent ]
The War On Blocked Sinuses? <nt> (3.00 / 5) (#24)
by Milo Mindbender on Wed Feb 22, 2006 at 04:02:19 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Why do Nasal Passages Hate America?!?! % (1.50 / 2) (#27)
by creativedissonance on Wed Feb 22, 2006 at 05:04:39 PM EST




ay yo i run linux and word on the street
is that this is where i need to be to get my butt stuffed like a turkey - br14n
[ Parent ]
You're Either With Us... (3.00 / 4) (#82)
by BJH on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 03:07:36 AM EST

...Or You're Snot.
--
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
-- Oscar Levant

[ Parent ]
still (none / 1) (#31)
by horny smurf on Wed Feb 22, 2006 at 08:38:25 PM EST

doesn't sound as bad as having a cattle prod shoved up your shit chute.

[ Parent ]
Love it (none / 0) (#6)
by chroma on Wed Feb 22, 2006 at 07:39:41 AM EST

I got to try homemade mezcal in Taxco. The city is famous for its silver shops, and the touts like to get you drunk before you shop. It's far more pleasant than I expected, and haven't had the likes of it here in the US.

Me neither... (none / 0) (#7)
by terryfunk on Wed Feb 22, 2006 at 07:50:47 AM EST

the only thing I drank close to it is Gusano Rojo. But it ain't agave moonshine.

I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]
Mountain Meadows (none / 0) (#19)
by Cyan Magenta Yellow Black on Wed Feb 22, 2006 at 12:38:43 PM EST

makes an excellent agave mead

they're based out of northern ca.  lemme see if I can find their site.

ah here we go:

http://www.mountainmeadowsmead.com/meads.php

[ Parent ]

That's very cool.../nt (none / 0) (#22)
by terryfunk on Wed Feb 22, 2006 at 02:21:03 PM EST



I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]
Changed title because... (2.00 / 2) (#8)
by terryfunk on Wed Feb 22, 2006 at 08:46:12 AM EST

this story is really about moonshine and not the more commercial mezcal.

I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

how can you be sure? (none / 0) (#15)
by zombie ankarbas on Wed Feb 22, 2006 at 12:20:38 PM EST

"But the process must be similar to that of tequila."

'must be similar'?

you sound pretty sure, even though you're describing a process you've never personally experienced.

well based on the... (none / 0) (#16)
by terryfunk on Wed Feb 22, 2006 at 12:27:23 PM EST

tequila website that I link to describes the making of tequila mezcal, so that is why I put it seems like it is the same process.

I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]
Here's the link that I base the statement on... (none / 1) (#18)
by terryfunk on Wed Feb 22, 2006 at 12:38:14 PM EST

Link to makeing sotol

However, should I be more clear about it? Provide a link to the page above?

I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]

If it tastes similar (none / 1) (#36)
by nebbish on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 05:54:33 AM EST

It's probably a similar process.

---------
Kicking someone in the head is like punching them in the foot - Bruce Lee
[ Parent ]

+300000, best comment evar (2.00 / 2) (#53)
by creativedissonance on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 03:55:56 PM EST

omg you have no fucking idea what you're talking about


ay yo i run linux and word on the street
is that this is where i need to be to get my butt stuffed like a turkey - br14n
[ Parent ]
Moonshine (3.00 / 3) (#23)
by Sgt York on Wed Feb 22, 2006 at 02:28:30 PM EST

When I first came to Texas for college, my buddies and I took a trip out to the Big Bend area. One of the guys had grown up just outside Odessa, so we stopped by the area to mooch off his parents and friends.

Shortly after we got there, he introduced us to an old friend of his who produced a 2 gallon metal can of some kind of booze; he just called it "Mexican moonshine."

Being from the US South, I was extremely skeptical. 'shine in the woods I know is almost always vile, dangerous stuff. I wouldn't feed it to a lawnmower. But the other guys went ahead and tried it. I stuck to beer. A few hours later, I had still seen no one's stomach contents, so I threw caution to the wind, caved to peer pressure, and had a glass.

The stuff was sublime. We drank all afternoon and into the night, and wound up freezing our asses off, passed out on the side of a little rise out in the desert under the stars. This was years ago, and the consumption that afternoon has erased most of the memory, but now I suspect it may have been the same stuff you're describing here.

There is a reason for everything. Sometimes, that reason just sucks.

no doubt! (none / 0) (#25)
by terryfunk on Wed Feb 22, 2006 at 04:39:19 PM EST

i am serious, one minute people are laughing and talking and the next minute they're out!

I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]
+1 fp (3.00 / 2) (#29)
by circletimessquare on Wed Feb 22, 2006 at 06:51:40 PM EST

reminds me of the philippines

everyone knows tuba, the poor man's coconut wine

but not everyone knows the rare and excellent lambanog, the vodka of the coconut flower nectar

more

bizarrely, lambanog has recently made a foray into new york city night life

mmm, lambanog


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

Awesome wish I could get it around here... (none / 1) (#30)
by terryfunk on Wed Feb 22, 2006 at 07:07:40 PM EST

but sadly most of the bars around here only have two drinks...tequila and bourbon.

I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]
What, no beer? (none / 0) (#38)
by Sgt York on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 09:05:55 AM EST

Should at least be able to get some Shiner or Lone Star...

There is a reason for everything. Sometimes, that reason just sucks.
[ Parent ]

Yes I drink that all the time /nt (none / 0) (#43)
by terryfunk on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 10:02:50 AM EST



I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]
I misread it (2.80 / 5) (#32)
by build test release on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 04:36:16 AM EST

"stool moonshine"

yuk

Somewhere... (3.00 / 2) (#58)
by cibby on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 08:01:47 PM EST

...there must be people trying it!

[ Parent ]
you sound as if you speak from experience. % (none / 0) (#59)
by creativedissonance on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 08:10:26 PM EST




ay yo i run linux and word on the street
is that this is where i need to be to get my butt stuffed like a turkey - br14n
[ Parent ]
+1FP (3.00 / 7) (#37)
by fleece on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 06:59:20 AM EST

I don't like it that much, but I think more people should experiment with drugs. If a million whackos try a million substances, one of them will trip over a hallucination and become a gonzo journalist.



I feel like some drunken crazed lunatic trying to outguess a cat ~ Louis Winthorpe III
Haven't read it yet, (none / 0) (#85)
by MrHanky on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 09:43:24 AM EST

but your reasoning has won me over. +1FP it is!


"This was great, because it was a bunch of mature players who were able to express themselves and talk politics." Lettuce B-Free, on being a total fucking moron for Ron Paul.
[ Parent ]
+1FP (2.50 / 2) (#39)
by t1ber on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 09:33:24 AM EST

Also, please post a HOWTO make this stuff...

And she said...
Durka Durka Mohammed Jihad
Sherpa Sherpa Bak Allah
Hadji girl I can't understand what you're saying.

hmmmm...... (none / 0) (#41)
by terryfunk on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 09:39:21 AM EST

that will be sorta tough to do. But it would be fun to try! Toughest part would be to get the sotol roots together. Hey, on second thought, it would also make a good article for Makezine.

I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]
post a link in the comments when you do! (nt) (none / 0) (#44)
by t1ber on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 11:43:11 AM EST


And she said...
Durka Durka Mohammed Jihad
Sherpa Sherpa Bak Allah
Hadji girl I can't understand what you're saying.

[ Parent ]

Will do...would be fun.../nt (none / 0) (#54)
by terryfunk on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 04:57:08 PM EST



I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]
Regarding brain farts (none / 1) (#93)
by aguila on Sat Feb 25, 2006 at 06:59:27 AM EST

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story.  It reminded me of my college years during the late 70's.  In my scenario though, I was surrounded by women drinking something like this or a version of something along these ass kicking drinks from Cuba or Puerto Rico and trying out all sorts of other stuff as well.

Ah wild and wooly memories.... wonderful stuff!  The kind of thing none of the children of these women would believe of their mothers, or husbands believe of their demure and proper wives ... so I guess these remembrances will remain unwritten.  

Anyway thanks for bringing me back to those days where women were bold and others like myself who were young then wondered wtf outrageous experience would happen tommorrow and with whom or multiple whom's!  

Oh, before I forget... how's the dog?  Did it recover?

:)

Saludos y Buena Suerte...

[ Parent ]

How cool! what a neat comment!... (none / 0) (#94)
by terryfunk on Sat Feb 25, 2006 at 10:21:15 AM EST

Well, the dog, now that you mention it..........

I have only been bitten by two dogs in my life. Both succumbed to terrible fates from their owners.

The dog in the story was napping one day, in the shade of a rear wheel of Pugilist's truck. Pugilist got in the truck to go somewhere, turned it on and started backing up and SQUISH.

The dog met his demise about a month after the story happened.

Thanks for reading the story.

I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]

For the UKians that couldn't be bothered... (1.80 / 5) (#47)
by mirleid on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 12:29:49 PM EST

...link...

Chickens don't give milk
For the USians looking to buy... (2.66 / 3) (#48)
by t1ber on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 01:03:03 PM EST

http://store.yahoo.com/randalls/rws18971.html

But, is this THE stuff?!  NO-ONE KNOWS.  You might go blind, or die!

And she said...
Durka Durka Mohammed Jihad
Sherpa Sherpa Bak Allah
Hadji girl I can't understand what you're saying.

W00T! /nt (none / 0) (#49)
by terryfunk on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 01:05:00 PM EST



I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]
You're a character Mr. Funk (2.66 / 3) (#57)
by redqueen on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 07:53:42 PM EST

and so are your friends it seems. I'm voting this up.

Best "interesting female" (impersonator): redqueen. - sausalito
Just curious... (none / 0) (#84)
by mirleid on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 07:45:10 AM EST

...and not making a big deal out of it or anything, but, could you enlighten me as to why you gave a 0 rating to my comment on where to get Sotol in the UK?

Chickens don't give milk
[ Parent ]
Damn good (none / 1) (#60)
by blackpaw on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 08:52:06 PM EST

Makes me want to run away and become a desert bum

Sounds good to me too!!! (none / 0) (#61)
by Sandwormrum on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 09:01:25 PM EST


**Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.**
[ Parent ]
Thanks!... (none / 0) (#62)
by terryfunk on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 09:08:21 PM EST

I am grateful you took the time to read it, that you enjoyed it and was entertained.

If you know what you're doing, bumming around the desert is way cool.

I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]

-1 already read "Fear and Loathing" (1.50 / 2) (#63)
by A synx on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 11:05:21 PM EST

How many times will I have to say this I wonder.

yeah, its really not as good as this story, is it? (none / 0) (#64)
by Sandwormrum on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 11:14:03 PM EST


**Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.**
[ Parent ]
Yes! The only HST I ever read was... (none / 1) (#87)
by terryfunk on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 10:31:52 AM EST

Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas when it was first serialized in Rolling Stone in 1972. Funniest I ever read, before or since.

I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]
What I want to know is (none / 0) (#65)
by livus on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 11:31:05 PM EST

where we can purchase hirez of what happened between the two of you after the story ends.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

haha...... (none / 1) (#66)
by terryfunk on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 11:51:45 PM EST

you won't have much luck with that but...I hear New Zealand has lots of sheep, that might interest you..

I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]
I lost my velcro gloves, so I'll have to (none / 0) (#68)
by livus on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 12:02:17 AM EST

keep looking. I bet he posted them somewhere...  

"I don't feel my legs and I don't care either. With sotol you can saw your legs off and bleed to death in a messy blissful state with a smile."

I'll know it when I see it: extreme hardcore, featuring this huge ex-marine and a scrawny, skinny legged, dog-bit half-wit - with a smile.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]

d00d, you have problems/'issues' /nt (none / 0) (#69)
by terryfunk on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 12:05:10 AM EST



I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]
That's how it is with those Brokeback Mountain (none / 1) (#70)
by ElizabethBennett on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 12:16:37 AM EST

fans...they see it everywhere. As the old saying goes, if you're a hammer everything looks like a nail.

[ Parent ]
IAWTP n (none / 0) (#72)
by livus on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 12:17:28 AM EST



---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
And I know whose dupe you are. (none / 0) (#74)
by livus on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 12:23:44 AM EST

Your comment history gives you away.

I feel betrayed that you used it on other people though.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]

So what? I am a Mr. Funk fan. Maybe you'll have (none / 0) (#75)
by ElizabethBennett on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 12:27:04 AM EST

a fan club of your own someday.

[ Parent ]
I could have a fan called Fanny Price (none / 0) (#78)
by livus on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 12:53:11 AM EST

but no one loves me.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
I have a fan called Robot (none / 1) (#80)
by Sandwormrum on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 01:06:37 AM EST


**Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.**
[ Parent ]
Nope, sorry...that one is not me.../nt (none / 0) (#76)
by terryfunk on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 12:33:38 AM EST



I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]
Well, it couldn't be. (3.00 / 2) (#77)
by livus on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 12:43:36 AM EST

As an officer and a gentleman, I am certainly not about to accuse you of operating an account that +1 FPs all of your stories.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
Truce...but I have never voted for myself..... (none / 1) (#79)
by terryfunk on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 12:54:09 AM EST

on any story

I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]
Believe it or not... (none / 1) (#81)
by terryfunk on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 01:07:52 AM EST

but I think you are a rather decent guy. So I apologize about the earlier comment, if it offended you

I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]
yuo started it! (none / 1) (#73)
by livus on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 12:19:53 AM EST

All I said was a perfectly average comment about hirez, and you quickly escalated the conversation to Bestiality.

Besides, given that you've come out as the De Sade reading FeatheredSerpent, I'm not so sure I believe yor coy little protest here.


---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]

mescalito (2.50 / 2) (#67)
by creativedissonance on Thu Feb 23, 2006 at 11:59:55 PM EST

on his white horse mescalito
he comes breezing through town
bet your woman is off in bed
with panama red


ay yo i run linux and word on the street
is that this is where i need to be to get my butt stuffed like a turkey - br14n
No not panama red.... (none / 0) (#71)
by terryfunk on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 12:17:27 AM EST

but Gusano Rojo...

I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]
you know (none / 0) (#88)
by warrax on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 06:03:01 PM EST

i thought i could get fucked up on mescal.

then i tried absinthe.

i learned something that day.


-- "Guns don't kill people. I kill people."

Yes, definitely...was it the .... (none / 0) (#89)
by CtrlR on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 06:19:38 PM EST

real absinthe with wormwood or faux "green fairy" without wormwood?

[ Parent ]
faux (none / 0) (#91)
by warrax on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 07:02:14 PM EST

but it still fucked me up 'better' than mescal ever did.

-- "Guns don't kill people. I kill people."
[ Parent ]
real absinthe (3.00 / 1) (#99)
by jvilhuber on Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 06:26:58 PM EST

I've tried just about every absinthe I could lay my hands on in the US, and I have to say the REAL ones will kick your ass in so many more pleasant ways. If all you want is to get fucked up, I suppose the faux absinthes will do the job just fine. But I guarantee that the real stuff is so much more pleasant. It's a wonderful 'drunk'. You're drunk, aware of it, but still lucid and keeps you awake for hours.

Order here: www.absintheonline.com

I recommend the Jade Liqueurs absinthes by T. A. Breaux. Just superb.

[ Parent ]

awesome! thanks!.... (none / 0) (#100)
by terryfunk on Tue Feb 28, 2006 at 12:36:12 AM EST

I have been looking for the real deal.

I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]
gotta love that site. (none / 0) (#101)
by warrax on Fri Mar 03, 2006 at 07:18:11 PM EST

it's like an audiophile site except for drunks.

-- "Guns don't kill people. I kill people."
[ Parent ]
dryden texas and environs (none / 0) (#90)
by cryon on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 06:45:28 PM EST

I used to live out that way, west texas. etc. Even pass through Dryden? Or Pumpville? When I was a kid, I lived about 10 miles from Dryden, and our mailing address was Pumpville.
HTGS75OBEY21IRTYG54564ACCEPT64AUTHORITY41V KKJWQKHD23CONSUME78GJHGYTMNQYRTY74SLEEP38H TYTR32CONFORM12GNIYIPWG64VOTER4APATHY42JLQ TYFGB64MONEY3IS4YOUR7GOD62MGTSB21CONFORM34 SDF53MARRY6AND2REPRODUCE534TYWHJZKJ34OBEY6

Yes I have been through that area.... (none / 0) (#92)
by terryfunk on Fri Feb 24, 2006 at 07:24:23 PM EST

on the way to Del Rio...it's been quite a while though.

I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]
No kidding... (none / 1) (#95)
by aguila on Sat Feb 25, 2006 at 10:58:49 AM EST

What a humourous ending!  Sad, but profoundly and karmically appropriate.  

The Karmic moral of the story, from the dog's view, could be -- watch where one park's one's ass!

Sometimes there just anything as horrible or as funny as the reality we live in!  Sophocles would have included this moral in his work if he had known of it.  The dog did sound more frightening than a Valkryie, I'm sure.

Best wishes...
================
=============== Lakota Sioux: Mitakuye Oyasin English Translation: We are all related.

Ahhhhh...the nectar of the agave... (none / 1) (#96)
by Tyfooon on Sat Feb 25, 2006 at 03:18:50 PM EST

Tequila is by far my favorite of the spirits..with that said, I really enjoyed this story...it was humorous, well written, and highly informative. The links to the history and mystery of tequila and mezcal were superb. Thanks for a good read and a nice flashback to the days of youth when the hangovers were easier to handle. Good job. Tyfoon :)

Thanks typhoon! (none / 0) (#97)
by terryfunk on Sat Feb 25, 2006 at 04:18:22 PM EST

what a nice comment. Thank you for taking the time to read the story. I am glad you were entertained and enjoyed it.

I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

[ Parent ]
Nogales (none / 0) (#98)
by dogeye on Mon Feb 27, 2006 at 01:23:00 PM EST

I lived in Tucson for a few years, and my friends and I made monthly trips to Nogales for drugs, partying, etc. Nogales is a bordertown south of Arizona, with a population of around 1 million people. Once I was searched by US border security while coming back into the United States. They found a bunch of prescription medications which I had bought in Mexico, but decided these were not worthy of any form of punishment and they let me continue on my way.

Sotol Moonshine | 101 comments (75 topical, 26 editorial, 0 hidden)
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