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[P]
The DVD Shelf--Clerks (1994) and Clerks II (2006)

By Psycho Dave in Culture
Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 12:00:00 PM EST
Tags: movies, dvds, whatever (all tags)
Movies

It has been well recorded that the mid-nineties are best known for sudden popularity of independent cinema, but independent from what? The term "indie" is as slippery when applied to films as it is to music. The studio at the vanguard of this "revolution" was Miramax, which was long a subsidiary of Disney, and as for the "revolution" itself, it unleashed more painful and derivative Pulp Fiction clones than it did anything truly revolutionary. It was bled dry, turned inside out, repackaged, and sold back to the masses until it became the paradigm of unhipness. This seems to be the nature of all revolutions, from the Soviets to the Sixties; the bullshit always comes full circle.

While it's easy to be cynical of all so-called revolutions in hindsight, what one can't be cynical about is the intense enthusiasm audiences had for the so-called independent cinema of this era. To every person who ever dreamed of being in the director's chair, it seemed like all one needed to have the new hit movie was a vast knowledge of pop culture, the ability to write pages worth of rambling dialogue, and a Visa card.


Kevin Smith was one of the directors that exemplified that DIY spirit. A film school dropout, Smith financed his first movie Clerks with credit cards and loans from his family and further reduced his budget by using his job at a convenience store as the primary set. His gamble paid off tremendously. Smith's ode to arrested adulthood connected with audiences and put him at the top of independent film royalty along with Quentin Tarantino, Richard Linklater, and Robert Rodriguez.

It's easy to see why Clerks was a hit; its anomie connected solidly with the Generation X demographic. But more than just accurately skewering the nineties "slacker" zeitgeist, Clerks has become a metaphor for Kevin Smith's career. While his contemporaries expanded and matured their styles, Smith has used the last decade to present to us to variations on his adolescent, potty mouthed "Askewniverse".

Because he's been stuck in this particular dimension of New Jersey for so long, the fact that Smith made a Clerks II seems more inevitable than crass. Smith is as stuck in the universe he's created as his characters are stuck in their dead end McJobs. Clerks II barely feels like sequel, but that's mostly because Kevin Smith's films all seem to run together anyway.

When stood up next to each other, the first Clerks comes off better than the second. Most people will say "the first movie just had more charm." While that's undoubtedly true (and I submit that Clerks is probably Kevin Smith's best film because of this), defining what "charm" is is a more difficult matter. The best way is to think of it in terms of punk rock; it's at its best when the guitars are slightly out of tune, the singer sounds like he's strung out on heroin, and the songs are recorded on a boom box purchased at a pawnshop. Despite the rough edges, the mess sounds more glorious and impassioned than when the band gets signed, gets time in a professional studio, and the singer goes through rehab.

Clerks details one day in the life of Dante Hicks (Brian O'Halloran) a character whose name comes pre-loaded with allusions to Hell. Called into his job at a New Jersey convenience store on his day off, Dante deals with the typical humiliations of the work day: shady bosses, annoying customers, loitering drug dealers, and friends who always want to mooch free Gatorade. His best friend Randall (Jeff Anderson) works at the video store next door which he frequently closes so he can talk with Dante and borrow his car to rent hermaphrodite porn from a better video store. Spitting on customers and selling cigarettes to children, it requires some extreme suspension of disbelief to imagine how Randall could hold *any* job. Still, he is an appealing character; the ultimate Id for anyone who has ever worked in the service industry.

Besides the usual workaday annoyances, Dante also has to deal with choosing between two women; his girlfriend Veronica (Marilyn Ghigliotti) who has a predilection towards the act of "snowballing", or his ex-girlfriend Caitlin (Lisa Spoonhauer) who he still talks with on the phone and is distressed to find out is engaged to a fellow with the unfortunate name of "Sang" (but more often referred to as simply "The Asian Design Major"). It's with this thread that we see Smith's uneasy method of mixing the poignant with the profane. While the torn-between-two-girlfriends plot only really serves to illuminate Dante's maddening wishy-washiness, it only slows the movie down in a few spots, and doesn't engage in the painful sentimentality that would have ground a film like Clerks to a halt.

Clerks is a low-low budget film. It cost more to license the music (an uninspired selection of mid nineties alt-rock) than to get the film in the can. Its grainy black and white, 16mm look screams pretension, as do the occasional title cards that pop up, with words like "Perspicacity" and "Catharsis". Despite this, Clerks is aimed more at the frat house than art house. Kevin Smith has never been a particularly visual director; the majority of his set-ups could be replicated on any multicamera sitcom. Still, considering that the majority of the movie takes place in the single setting of the convenience store, Smith gets enough mileage to make it look, if not inspired, then not painful.

Acting wise, the film is similarly amateurish. While the leads get the job done well enough (with Jeff Anderson's Randall being particularly hilarious at times) the rest of the cast looks confused trying to get their mouths around the reams of dialogue Kevin Smith throws at them. It can be rough since "talk" is pretty much all the characters do. Despite the often clunky delivery, dialogue is clearly the star of the show. A few sequences are clunkers. While Smith is clearly at home when the tone is crude ("What's snowballing?") he's less adept at getting subtler ideas across through words. If you need to use the bathroom during the film, do it whenever Dante starts talking about love life. Similarly, I'm less enamored of the Death Star Contractors monologue than many people are. It is neither profound nor particularly funny and feels like more of an attempt to name-check one of the director's obsessions than to illuminate a point.

Clerks is also the first appearance of Jay and Silent Bob, the characters that Smith uses to tie all his "Askewniverse" movies together. In Clerks, they are neither as funny as they were in Dogma, nor as grating as they were in Mallrats. Jason Mewes can be one funny motherfucker at times, in spite of the fact that he is quite obviously stoned during all his scenes (note to all aspiring comedians, humor is best watched stoned, not performed.) This is clear if you listen to the director commentary, where Mewes is clearly wasted in the recording booth. Kevin Smith's Silent Bob is much better in this movie than in all his other appearances, if only because he doesn't subject us to his overwrought facial expressions that look like a sugar hyped kindergartener playing charades. Note to Kevin Smith and Quentin Tarantino: you are not actors. Stay behind the camera where you belong.

On pretty much every DVD version of Clerks in print, the original ending where an armed robber kills Dante can be found in the deleted scenes. Kevin Smith was wise to excise this unnecessarily bleak ending, which was clearly aimed to make what happened before somehow more profound. While I'm no fan of tacked on happy endings, tacked on depressing ones work no better. Despite its odes to slackerdom, Clerks is hardly nihilism by way of nachos. It finds a lot of humor in its claustrophobic setting and in the conversations of bored twentysomethings. Its point is ultimately that wherever you are isn't nearly as bad as you think it is.

Clerks is certainly not the type of movie that screams for a sequel. After all, there's not much about the lives of minimum wage workers that the first film doesn't cover. While Clerks II doesn't have the same grungy attitude as the first film, enough thought and care has gone into it for it not to feel like a crass, cynical cash-in for a director quickly becoming starved of ideas.

Clerks II picks up approximately a decade after the first film. After the Quik Stop and video store burn down in a freak accident, the laterally mobile Dante and Randall move to jobs at the Askewniverse's resident fast food chain Mooby's. This change in setting doesn't animate the film much. The first Clerks sold the reality of its characters' workday since Smith was a clerk himself while shooting the movie. It's obvious that Smith has never worked in fast food since Clerks II doesn't have quite the same minimum wage authenticity of the first, if only for the noticable lack of Mexicans working in the kitchen.

While the setting is different, the conflicts are roughly the same. Dante is again torn between two women and two possible branches in his life; his ex-cheerleader fiancee Emma (Kevin Smith's real life wife Jennifer Schwalbach) and a life managing her father's car wash in Florida, and Becky (Rosario Dawson), his manager at Mooby's he's been having an affair with. Clerks II doesn't present this as much of a choice (after all, who is gonna turn down some Rosario Dawson action? Her tits were the only things that got me through to the end of Alexander). We don't get to see enough of Dante's fiancee to really have much of an opinion of her, and thus the conflict feels lopsided. Then again, Mrs. Smith's acting here is particularly weak, so perhaps more of her character would not have benefited the movie.

In the meantime, when Randall is not insulting customers or doing some generation gap inspired arguing with his virginal Christian co-worker Elias (Trevor Fehrman) about the merits of The Lord of the Rings vs Star Wars, he is busy trying to arrange Dante's bachelor/going-away party. While the MPAA erroneously slapped the first Clerks with an NC-17 rating for language (it was later appealed down to an R) what is puzzling with Clerks II is how it avoided that dreaded rating. Clerks II works overtime to be shocking, and while I'm hardly a prude, it does create problems for the movie. The donkey show scene at the end probably sounded like the most incredible thing to grace the silver screen this year on paper, but it is rooted in a fundamental miscalculation: the scene is guaranteed to send the easily offended running towards the door (provided they survived the "ass to mouth" discussion in the beginning) and those who aren't offended by the idea of "interspecies romance" have likely seen the act in numerous video clips on the Internet, and will find the movie's depiction of it relatively tame.

Clerks II avoids being the annoying fan service of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (Jay and Silent Bob do make an appearance that is notable only for its totally non-sequitor Silence of the Lambs in-joke) but still trots out the Kevin Smith regulars. A haggard Ben Affleck makes a pointless cameo, as does Jason Lee, sporting his My Name Is Earl grease and facial hair, as well as a popped collar that screams "douchebag". The only noticeable difference between the camera work in Clerks vs. Clerks II is the fact that it's in color and Kevin Smith can afford a crane. Then again, flat visuals are practically his calling card at this point, though I could have done without the swirling camera during the argument behind Mooby's, which is nearly as vomit inducing as Irreversible or The Blair Witch Project. And perhaps I'm a joyless cynic, but did we really need a Jackson 5 song and dance number in the middle of the film?

For all its flaws though, Clerks II does have some virtues. Like the first film, dialogue is the star of the show, and Clerks II's script feels tighter, more polished, and the monologues are just as memorable as its predecessor. Also, the dramatic core of Clerks II feels more real than it did in the first film. Kevin Smith feels more comfortable with giving his characters arcs. While Randall is always a joy to watch as the resident wise-ass, he also gets the most poignant moment in the film. Rosario Dawson, probably the most prolific actor of the cast, is also appealing and animates whatever scene she's in.

The virtues and vices or Clerks II nearly cancel each other out, leaving the viewer at an uneasy stalemate of "love it" or "hate it". Kevin Smith movies are always a mixed bag of the inspired and the godawful. Clerks II is not the best film in his canon, but it's not his worst either. Perhaps this is the last of his Askewniverse movies. I certainly hope it is. Whatever flaws Clerks II may have, it is a more dignified coda to the series than the wretched Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

See other reviews for Leon: The Professional, Bad Lieutenant,Bumfights, UNITED, UltraViolet,24: Season 4 and Season 2, Die Another Day, Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, Bad Taste, The Matrix and Matrix Reloaded, Taxi Driver, Any Given Sunday, The Abyss, Terminator 2, and Aliens, Platoon and We Were Soldiers, Equilibrium, and Broken Arrow.

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Related Links
o Leon: The Professional,
o Bad Lieutenant,
o Bumfights,
o UNITED,
o UltraViolet,
o 24: Season 4
o Season 2,
o Die Another Day,
o Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines,
o Bad Taste,
o The Matrix and Matrix Reloaded,
o Taxi Driver,
o Any Given Sunday,
o The Abyss, Terminator 2, and Aliens,
o Platoon and We Were Soldiers,
o Equilibriu m,
o Broken Arrow.
o Also by Psycho Dave


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The DVD Shelf--Clerks (1994) and Clerks II (2006) | 54 comments (44 topical, 10 editorial, 0 hidden)
The only good movie he made was Jersey Girl (1.66 / 3) (#1)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 07:29:31 AM EST

Seriously. Anyone that takes Clerks to be something other than retarded children wit a camera is a complete, tasteless moron. That movie is pap, as are the rest of his wanker films. Why he bothered with a sequel to a movie that sucked in the first place is beyond me.

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Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.

I've seen every Kevin Smith film... (3.00 / 2) (#2)
by Psycho Dave on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 07:36:56 AM EST

...except Jersey Girl, so I cannot speak to it's quality or lack thereof.

I gotta say though, it also not high on my gotta watch it list though.

[ Parent ]

Imagine his style of film-making,l but with (3.00 / 2) (#3)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 08:10:03 AM EST

a comprehensible story that has a feelgood ending.

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Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.
[ Parent ]

I used to live in Paulsboro, (none / 1) (#5)
by rpresser on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 09:26:43 AM EST

the South Jersey town near Philadelphia where he made this film, and the town where he premiered the thing. In fact it was in the same high school auditorium as the climactic Sweeney Todd scene takes place in. I had tickets. It was quite awesome, but mostly for the thrill of being that close to Tubby Bitch and having a question answered. As a movie, it hasn't stood up to rewatching. For me anyway.
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"In terms of both hyperbolic overreaching and eventual wrongness, the Permanent [Republican] Majority has set a new, and truly difficult to beat, standard." --rusty
[ Parent ]
Me either. KS really sucks. (none / 1) (#6)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 09:35:52 AM EST


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Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.
[ Parent ]

you mean like chasing amy? -nt (none / 0) (#46)
by zenofchai on Fri Aug 18, 2006 at 03:12:21 PM EST


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The K5 Interactive Political Compass SVG Graph
[ Parent ]
the ending of chasing amy is not feel-good (1.50 / 2) (#47)
by balsamic vinigga on Fri Aug 18, 2006 at 06:14:21 PM EST

it's bittersweet

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[ Parent ]
oh yeah... (none / 0) (#48)
by zenofchai on Fri Aug 18, 2006 at 08:16:44 PM EST

that's why it felt good. because life isn't a feel good ending, it's bittersweet.
--
The K5 Interactive Political Compass SVG Graph
[ Parent ]
Jersey Girls proves (3.00 / 2) (#8)
by godix on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 11:25:12 AM EST

that when Kevin Smith tries for emotion the result is every bit as insipid as a made to TV Lifetime movie. That movie highlighted two of Smiths worse abilities, characterization and drama. Geroge Carlin was the most fleshed out and believable character in the movie but when you think about it George Carlin was playing, basically, himself. Cranky sarcastic asshole with a heart. Yup, that sounds like the Carlin we all know from years of touring. As for the other actors, well, any father capable of making the feel good 'my kids play is more important than a job interview' choice would never be so godawful moronic as to deliver that 'you took daddys life' line. The movie had a few funny spots and is no means as horrible as Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back but it is hardly the best that Kevin Smith has made.

To those that haven't seen it, don't worry. I didn't spoil anything. A blind mongoloid who's too busy shitting himself to pay attention to the movie could easily predict this shit as soon as the premise of the movie is laid out.


- An egotist is someone who thinks they're almost as good as I am.
[ Parent ]

Agreed. He DOES suck. (none / 1) (#9)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 12:47:32 PM EST


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Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.
[ Parent ]

this is the main problem with canadians (1.50 / 2) (#11)
by balsamic vinigga on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 01:10:12 PM EST

their sense of humor is fucking whack

where tom green and bare naked ladies are considered the funniest thing to come outa canada, it's no surprise you don't find ks funny.

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Please help fund a Filipino Horror Movie. It's been in limbo since 2007 due to lack of funding. Please donate today!
[ Parent ]

Well, let's see: all three are Canadian (none / 1) (#13)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 01:23:02 PM EST

and Americans find them funny (none of them were that popular here), not Canadians, so where does that leave us?

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Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.
[ Parent ]

Red Green is quite the funny man (3.00 / 2) (#19)
by Adam Rightmann on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 03:31:17 PM EST

and his show is a welcome spring of wholesome G rated humor in a perverse desert of scatological, unholy humor.

He's Canadian, too.

[ Parent ]

He's a moron. CBB has a number of stories (none / 1) (#35)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Fri Aug 18, 2006 at 08:06:26 AM EST

about how he was forced to work with Redgreen. You surprise me.

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Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.
[ Parent ]

CBB is a dope addled liberalist (3.00 / 4) (#36)
by Adam Rightmann on Fri Aug 18, 2006 at 09:18:35 AM EST

You don't see Red Green pandering to his audience by displaying his wife's decolletage.

Plus, I'm pretty sure CBB owns several Macs, do I need to say anything more?

[ Parent ]

Redgreen is not funny. (none / 0) (#37)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Fri Aug 18, 2006 at 09:33:13 AM EST

Yet again, america sucks at the arse of our worst comedy.

do you realize this wanker is probably more popular in the US than here, even though he's a nonaame?

Pitiful.

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Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.
[ Parent ]

redgreen sucks bigtime. i dont know why (none / 1) (#38)
by agavero on Fri Aug 18, 2006 at 10:35:11 AM EST

anyone would spend two seconds watching his idiotic ass at all.
"Our knowledge is a little island in a great ocean of nonknowledge." Isaac Bashevis Singer
[ Parent ]
Amen, brother. (none / 0) (#39)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Fri Aug 18, 2006 at 10:37:43 AM EST


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Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.
[ Parent ]

Next you'll be saying Barenaked Ladies (3.00 / 2) (#40)
by Adam Rightmann on Fri Aug 18, 2006 at 11:30:07 AM EST

is no good. I just don't get the self loathing you Canadians display.

[ Parent ]
They do suck. You're right. (none / 1) (#43)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Fri Aug 18, 2006 at 12:42:04 PM EST

However, Thine Eeyes bleed, alexisonfire and Hayden are good.

Do americans not have enough sense to dislike people who make mediocre contributions to culture, or what?

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Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.
[ Parent ]

clerks was brilliant. (3.00 / 3) (#14)
by aphrael on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 01:38:23 PM EST

It completely captured the feel of a particular subculture. I knew people like that, as did everyone I knew; there where times when my life felt like that.

It wasn't smart; the characters were morons. But, you know, that's what early 90s slacker culture was like, and the movie resonated.


[ Parent ]

It might have resonated, but then (2.50 / 1) (#15)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 01:39:54 PM EST

so did Lethal Weapon. Neither movies are worth seiing once, though.

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Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.
[ Parent ]

perhaps not. (3.00 / 1) (#16)
by aphrael on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 01:55:11 PM EST

or perhaps the problem is that it doesn't resonate for you, and so you don't like it. :)


[ Parent ]
No, I'm being objective here. (2.50 / 1) (#25)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 06:57:48 PM EST

This movie does not have the artistic legs to make it last.

----------------

Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.
[ Parent ]

what does that mean, precisely? (3.00 / 1) (#27)
by aphrael on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 10:46:45 PM EST

in a world where "rocky horror picture show" can last, or "attack of the killer tomatoes", how can clerks not?

not to mention: that subculture still exists. its members will be able to recognize the previous-generation equivalents, and the movie will still appeal to them, because it will still resonate.

'clerks' will remain a cult movie until well after we die.


[ Parent ]

I seriously doubt it (3.00 / 2) (#33)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Fri Aug 18, 2006 at 08:03:07 AM EST

Rocky Horror is pretty intricate. Tomatoes is definitely cult, but it's so bad its a train wreck. Clercks is mediocre coffee-house philosophy with far too many in-jokes and references to things that future generations will not understand. That's what makes it weak. It will fade like plenty of other films people thought were just so intelligent and deep.

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Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.
[ Parent ]

man. (3.00 / 3) (#28)
by aphrael on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 10:47:18 PM EST

"Chasing Amy".

fantastic movie about sexual insecurity.

[ Parent ]

jersey girl (none / 0) (#32)
by army of phred on Fri Aug 18, 2006 at 07:45:48 AM EST

was the only one uninteresting enough that I still haven't watched it to the end. so much for taste.

"Republicans are evil." lildebbie
"I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about." motormachinemercenary
"my wife is getting a blowjob" ghostoft1ber
[ Parent ]
lol clerks is his best? (2.00 / 3) (#10)
by balsamic vinigga on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 01:04:29 PM EST

fuck off with that bullshit it goes:

chasing amy
dogma
clerks
clerks II
Jersey girl
mallrats
j&sbsb

---
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No, fuck *that* shit. (3.00 / 1) (#22)
by Psycho Dave on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 03:35:24 PM EST

1)Clerks
2)Chasing Amy
3)Dogma
4)Clerks II
5)Mallrats
6)Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

*Jersey Girl is omitted because I've never seen it.)

[ Parent ]

You're putting 'Dogma' before Mallrats?? (1.50 / 1) (#34)
by victorianLoser on Fri Aug 18, 2006 at 08:06:24 AM EST

-1.

"The whole world is a stage and we're all bit-players in a terrible improvised play." TheGaffer
[ Parent ]

clerks was great (2.00 / 3) (#12)
by circletimessquare on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 01:21:47 PM EST

everything since then has sucked ass

clerks was kevin smith's zenith, and i don't know if he'll ever reach it again


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

Speaking of no-talent indie losers (3.00 / 8) (#21)
by HackerCracker on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 03:33:30 PM EST

How's that film of yours coming? I really think you should find a way to put the chupacabras in there somewhere.

[ Parent ]
They are just too old (3.00 / 2) (#18)
by The Diary Section on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 03:20:55 PM EST

theres a point where alt slacker becomes unfunny loser, and its round about your 30th birthday these days. Also, I don't really follow his pronouncements now but I seem to recall him saying he was going to move on at the time of J&SBSB, leave the Viewaskewniverse alone and grow up. And he hasn't. Still give him some credit, he has long since pre-empted internet-born attacks upon his good name in J&SBSB. So I won't say "Fuck them up their stupid asses" I'll just say Kevin Smith made maybe three good films (Clerks, Chasing Amy and Dogma...Dogma I think was OK rather than good, the degree to which it offended religious Americans and some Catholics give it a notoriety it doesn't really deserve at all) with one shit one sandwiched inbetween (the inexplicably bad Mallrats). Since then, I haven't been interested really. Perhaps I grew up or something.
Spend 10 minutes in the company of an American and you end up feeling like a Keats or a Shelley: Thin, brilliant, suave, and desperate for industrial-scale quantities of opium.
He's said that before. (3.00 / 1) (#20)
by Psycho Dave on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 03:33:25 PM EST

At first it was going to be a "Jersey Trilogy", to be wrapped up with Chasing Amy. Then Dogma comes out, which wasn't quite as good, but still worthy. Jay and Silent Bob sucked, and was supposed to be the last "Jersey" film. Then Jason Mewes went through rehab (more likely Kevin Smith had to make his mortgage payments) and Clerks II is born.

I think the Jersey Trilogy thing was just so he could con the studios into giving him enough money for three movies.

[ Parent ]

You don't think Clerks 2 is full of fan service? (none / 1) (#42)
by mfeltman on Fri Aug 18, 2006 at 11:57:21 AM EST

This is clearly a troll.

Clerks 2 fucking sucked.  I wish I had my $9 back.  It was abysmal, a 100% cash grab with nothing new to offer and a bunch of regurgitated plot devices and running gags.  It brought nothing new to the table and I could have just watched "Clerks" again.

In fact, it was worse than nothing new, it introduced the new, neutered Jay & Silent Bob characters.  They were incredibly lame in this movie.  Even Bob's one line (usually something profound or at least pseudo-profound and amusing) was lame as a shot duck.

I LOVED Clerks, and I enjoyed most of Smith's other movies, but Clerks 2 was pure crap.


whisper.


This comment explains everything. (none / 0) (#44)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Fri Aug 18, 2006 at 01:10:07 PM EST


----------------

Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.
[ Parent ]

these comments reveal alot about peoples age (none / 0) (#50)
by lostincali on Fri Aug 18, 2006 at 10:32:24 PM EST

I thought Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was hilarious. Of course, this was in high school when I was a huge stoner. I connected to Clerks at the time too.

yes, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is immature and stupid, but, a few bowls and beers down and it's pretty damn funny.

"The least busy day [at McDonalds] is Monday, and then sales increase throughout the week, I guess as enthusiasm for life dwindles."

What?? (3.00 / 4) (#51)
by livus on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 02:42:52 AM EST

I'm voting this up but what's with the weird ass introduction..?

Mirimax is primarily a distribution company not a studio (especially back then); and it was owned by Disney for what, maybe one year before Clerks was released? hardly "long a subsidiary".

"Indy" may be a misnomer but in all fairness it does represent a different production/distribution/$$$ model to the earlier studio system. Plus look at what comes out in general release before it - basically you got blockbusters and trilogies. To me, your saying "independent from what" is one of those crazy would-be-rhetorical questions that actually has a clear answer.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

ok I can't spell Miramax (none / 0) (#52)
by livus on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 02:45:11 AM EST

I can't spell Weinstein either.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
Clerks really wasn't any good. (2.00 / 2) (#53)
by Genderqueer Deathsquad on Sat Aug 19, 2006 at 01:27:28 PM EST


--
My deepest fear is that I'm Michael Crawford and too crazy to realize it. -- Genderqueer Deathsquad
Rustv's review of Psycho Dave's cock and balls (1.16 / 6) (#54)
by rustv on Mon Aug 21, 2006 at 12:36:52 AM EST

Psycho Dave's cock and balls are the same cock and balls that he had 10 years ago. When I saw his cock and balls 10 years ago, I was unimpressed. A lot of people liked his cock and balls more than I did, but I can say that his cock and balls 10 years ago were lowbrow and uninspired. 10 years ago, his cock and balls were in their prime, but I couldn't imagine that anybody would want to see them again.

Now, his cock and balls have a slightly different look. This time, they just feel "fake" somehow. Nowadays, people can see much bigger cock and balls on the internet, so I it is even less understandable why anybody would want to see his cock and balls today. I would have preferred less of that nauseating cock swirling.

Perhaps I'm a joyless cynic.... no wait, that's exactly it.

____
"Don't tase me, bro." --Andrew Meyer

kisses and caroms (none / 0) (#55)
by kpaul on Tue Sep 05, 2006 at 10:40:55 PM EST

is the new clerks, better than CII by a longshot...


2014 Halloween Costumes

Kevin Smith is a self-hating man and a closet gay. (none / 1) (#56)
by The Real Lord Kano on Sat Sep 16, 2006 at 05:00:23 AM EST

His Viewaskewniverse proves that.

Let's take them in order...

Clerks, a central theme is that Dante gets upset when he finds out that his girlfriend has sucked 37 dicks. Dante is 22 at the time, and though they don't pin down Veronica's age, the impression is given that she is in the same age range. It's perfectly normal for a man to be upset when he finds out that his girlfriend's sexual history is vastly longer than he has been lead to believe but somehow Dante is shown as an irrational asshole. Randall goes out and rents hermaphrodite porn movies to watch with Dante.

Mallrats, the central theme is the TS and his girlfriend break up because his girlfriend calls off their Florida vacation on the morning that they're supposed to leave. She does this so that she can appear on a dating game show! It's perfectly understandable that a man would be irate because his girlfriend is blowing off the plans that they made so that she can go out on a date with another man. But TS is the one who must make good. He has to persue Brandi and win her back. She fucks up and it's TS who must make good. Brody puts on silk women's underwear and exclaims "I woulda been a sexy chick!"

Chasing Amy, Holden falls head over heels in love with Alyssa. Alyssa was a lesbian. She lead Holden to believe that she had never been with a man. Thanks to Banky, Holden found out that not only had Alyssa been with men she had been involved in wild sex with men. Her nickname was "Finger Cuffs" because of the time she got double teamed by two men. Holden was understandably upset at being mislead by his girlfriend. Yet again, Kevin Smith somehow finds a way to make it the man's fault. Holden's brilliand plan to make everything right? A MFM threesome with his homophobic best friend.

Dogma, the central character Bethany is employed at an abortion clinic (modern feminism's church of female liberation). Jay introduces Silent Bob as his "hetero life-mate". Sure, hetero indeed. Rufus reveals that Jay thinks about guys when he masturbates(which is quite frequently). He cast a woman to portray God and the last surviving person to share Jesus' lineage was also a woman.

Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back, when the security guard demands oral sex, Jay proposes that Silent Bob perform oral sex on him while the security guard watches. Silent Bob drops and opens his mouth.

Clerks II, what more do I have to point to than the donkey show?

Each of these films focuses on denigrating men for being men or homoerotic inuendos.

LK

The DVD Shelf--Clerks (1994) and Clerks II (2006) | 54 comments (44 topical, 10 editorial, 0 hidden)
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