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[P]
An Introduction to Anal Masturbation

By SpunkyBrewster in Culture
Mon Jul 23, 2007 at 12:00:00 PM EST
Tags: anal, masturbation (all tags)

It's four thirty a.m. and the house is asleep.

I. . . am not asleep.

I am crouched in the bathtub in a frog-like stance, small puddles of urine and liquid shit at my feet. I'm leaning forward, gripping the side of the tub and biting my knee, overwhelmed by a mixture of pain and pleasure as I piston a dildo in and out of my ass.

You see, I really love anal masturbation.

Ever try it? No? You should.


Doesn't matter who you are. God gave all of us, male and female, an abundance of nerve endings in our rectum - and one life to live. So why don't you go ahead and test out the equipment? Have some fun. No point in having a gun sitting on your shelf your entire life and never killing anyone, right?

But I realize there's a fairly persistent misconception among guys that I'm gonna have to dispel before we go any further:

Stimulating your own ass is not "gay."

That notion doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I mean, how could anything you do to your own body be gay? Nobody ever freaks out in the middle of jerking off like "Holy fuck, I've got a fistful of cock! I've gotta cut this gay shit out!" Well, what's the philosophical difference between playing with your dick and playing with your ass?

There is none.

Look fellas, here's the scoop:

If you have a girl wearing a foot long strap-on, smacking your face and screaming "WHO'S MY BITCH?!?" while she pounds your asshole until it bleeds, that would be a *heterosexual* act. Girl on guy. Simple.

Now if it's a guy that's fucking you, that would be homosexual. And if you're doing it to yourself, well, that's plain old masturbation.

But listen - if you're still sitting there being stubborn, all macho and uptight going "My ass. . . is EXIT ONLY!!!" then lemme just ask you a question.

You know that feeling you get when you take a really big shit?

You know what I'm talking about. You're sitting on the couch, eating Cheez-Its and watching Larry King, when all of the sudden you feel that familiar burning. . . so you get up and bound off to the bathroom all bow legged, clenching your sphincter real tight, and then you furiously rip off your boxer briefs and plop down on the seat just in time to let a huuuuuuge thick turd come sliding out of your ass?

Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!

That feeling.

That tingling, chills up your spine, this-is-absolutely-the-pinnacle-of-human-existence feeling.

Well guess what. That's the feeling of a massive rod moving through your rectum, tickling those wonderfully abundant nerve endings. You love it. It's okay. We all do. It doesn't make you a fag. Or at the very least, we're ALL fags. So indulge yourself.

(Yes, I understand that said feeling is partially due to the sensory experience of toxins leaving the body, which is unique to defecation - but the operative word here is "partially." You like the log movement, too. Don't try to argue.)

So anyway, now that you've decided to be bold, and not a homophobic pussy, and poke around the cornhole a little bit - good for you. But there's something you should remember. Anal masturbation is just like playing the accordion, or shooting a jumper, or really anything else that's worth doing. That is, it requires practice.

You see, back when I was a kid I would get curious and stick a finger or a toothbrush up there, but I wasn't fucking around with anywhere near the kind of pleasure I'm achieving now. It was uncomfortable even. So I worked on it.

And conversely, I know I'm still far from expertise in this particular discipline. I don't claim to be an ass master. There's a whole world of lengths, girths, textures, and vibrations that my eager browneye has yet to inhale.

But since I have honed my skills to a pretty decent level, I'll share with you my current technique. Without further ado:

SpunkyBrewster's Anal Masturbation Technique

What You Need:

1. Lubricant of your choice
2. Fake cock (eight inches, approx.)
3. Ridged anal wand (seven inches, approx.)

Procedure:

1. Apply a generous amount of lube to your index finger, and swirl the lubricated finger lightly around your butthole. Add another drop or two of lube, and then simultaneously push your finger into your butthole while pushing back with your anus muscles.

2. Slide your finger into your ass up to the knuckle and feel around for turds. Unless you're an anorexic, you probably will come across one.

3. Circle your finger around your anal walls pressing outward, as if you were an umpire signaling a home run. You should be near the toilet, because this is intended to stimulate a bowel movement. Once you've shit, and your rectum is empty, then you're ready for some heavy duty fun.

4. Lube up a second finger and slip them both into your poopchute. Let your asshole get comfortable with the new mass, and then begin to pump a little. Repeat with a third finger if you so desire.

5. Slather lube all over the ridged anal wand. Squat over your tool and press the tip to your now greasy anus. Just as you've done with your fingers, ease the dildo into your cornhole as you push back onto it with your ass muscles. Go slowly, stopping at each ridge and letting your ass adjust to the increase in width, until you have it in as far as it will go.

6. Now it's time to start pounding. I'm not gonna get more specific than that. Do it your own way. Experiment with different positions and rhythms until you find what you like.

7. Once your ass has been thoroughly fucked by the anal wand, it's time to move up to the larger dildo. Again, you're going to repeat the process that you've done twice already, with your fingers and the wand. Entering slowly, pushing back on it, letting yourself adjust, and then starting to pump.

8. At this point your asshole is really loose, gaping even, and it's time to move on to my favorite part. Crouch down, or get into whatever position you feel comfortable with, and hold the fake cock in one hand and the wand in the other. Work the fake cock in and out, building the pace until you are doing a high intensity rectal plundering. Slide it in really deep, pause, then pull it out all the way - quickly jamming in the anal wand to fill its place. The rapid transition from smooth to ridged textures will send waves out of pleasure rippling through your entire body. Then give yourself a nice hard fuck with the anal wand, and repeat as many times as you'd like.

*In carrying out these steps - even if you take the dump at the beginning - you still might at some point fuck the shit out of yourself. This is why I recommend doing it in a bathtub, or on some other surface that is easy to clean. Now at first you might be squeamish about the poo, but I think that as you get hardcore into the pleasure of all this, you'll just naturally get desensitized. Kind of like a heroin addict quickly gets over his fear of needles.

In fact, I've found that the right kind of poo can easily be incorporated into the festivities. Sometimes while I'm pounding away I will feel a sudden rush of heat travel through my ass, and I'll know that I'm coating the dildo with a somewhat viscous liquid shit. At this point in the ass ramming, my pain tolerance is rather high, so I'll simply jam the shitty dildo back up my ass, and let the sudden decrease in lubrication create an effect similar to the aforementioned smooth-to-ridged transition. As a matter of fact, this is probably the most intense sensation that I've come across in my entire anal masturbatory experience.*

So that's how it's done. Quite the activity, I must say. Maybe next time you're feeling bored and restless, you can give it a shot. Unless you're a fucking prude, in which case I'd recommend suicide. Or do a goddamn crossword puzzle, I don't really care.

One more thing I want to say on the subject: I really think anal penetration should be an Olympic sport. Wouldn't that be neat? I mean for Christ sakes, we've all seen how much those little Japanese bastards can eat - can you imagine how much they could stuff up the other end? It could even be a team sport where one of them has to take their partner's entire head up their ass.

Well. . . I don't really know how much support I'm gonna get for my petition to add competitive rectal insertion to the Olympic Games, we'll have to see - but seriously, speed walking? FUCKING CURLING?!? It would be far from the dumbest event on the schedule.

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Display: Sort:
An Introduction to Anal Masturbation | 74 comments (66 topical, 8 editorial, 1 hidden)
just....wow (2.50 / 10) (#1)
by ray eckson on Mon Jul 23, 2007 at 08:44:03 PM EST




wampsy: hey ray why don't you start up a site. you could call it ray5.
rusty: I gotta fix that stupid cancel bug.
booger: How's that for daring to get ray eckson all sniffy, you cow?
poopy: Not that I'm gay or anything, but for you I might make an exception.
I didnt read it (1.20 / 15) (#2)
by achievingfluidity on Mon Jul 23, 2007 at 09:01:06 PM EST

and dont give a shit about it.

you can pull your head outta your ass now lozer

--
ANNOY A LIBERAL USE FACTS AND LOGIC


Holy Awesome (2.78 / 32) (#3)
by LilDebbie on Mon Jul 23, 2007 at 09:17:32 PM EST

"No point in having a gun sitting on your shelf your entire life and never killing anyone, right?"

k5 doesn't get much better than this.

My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden.
- hugin -

k5 in fact (2.22 / 9) (#8)
by achievingfluidity on Mon Jul 23, 2007 at 10:23:58 PM EST

get tons better than this.

--
ANNOY A LIBERAL USE FACTS AND LOGIC


[ Parent ]

I swear to god K5. (2.84 / 19) (#4)
by agreedymonkey on Mon Jul 23, 2007 at 09:57:42 PM EST

If you mess this one up I'll never forgive you.

yuo wont forgive me anyway (1.80 / 10) (#12)
by achievingfluidity on Mon Jul 23, 2007 at 11:19:44 PM EST

coz I just zero'd you.

so there...

--
ANNOY A LIBERAL USE FACTS AND LOGIC


[ Parent ]

(3) to game the voting threshold (2.57 / 7) (#23)
by BottleRocket on Tue Jul 24, 2007 at 09:02:59 AM EST

(0) After this makes FP.

$ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
. ₩ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . *
$ . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $
Yes I do download [child pornography], but I don't keep it any longer than I need to, so it can yield insight as to how to find more. --MDC
$ . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $
. . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . *
. ₩ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
$ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
$B R Σ III$

[ Parent ]

its a tie now (2.14 / 7) (#24)
by achievingfluidity on Tue Jul 24, 2007 at 09:45:11 AM EST

3 if it makes FP

--
ANNOY A LIBERAL USE FACTS AND LOGIC


[ Parent ]

+1 FP, totally (3.00 / 8) (#5)
by codejack on Mon Jul 23, 2007 at 10:04:39 PM EST

Getting a woman to ram you up the ass, though, takes a very particular type. At the same time, this is a fairly common motif in written pornography (erotica).


Please read before posting.

This is totally offensive. (2.55 / 20) (#6)
by Professional Phrenologist on Mon Jul 23, 2007 at 10:08:10 PM EST

I'm calling Google on you. You are sick person with a lot of problems namely gayness. I can't believe you wrote this. It's so long and hard to read. It makes me feel excited. To call Google on you.

----------------------------------

Well, we have to end apartheid for one. And slow down the nuclear arms race, stop terrorism and world hunger. We have to provide food and shelter for the homeless, and oppose racial discrimination and promote civil rights, while also promoting equal rights for women. We have to encourage a return to traditional moral values. Most importantly, we have to promote general social concern and less materialism in young people.

I can't believe anyone is voting for this (2.35 / 17) (#7)
by Professional Phrenologist on Mon Jul 23, 2007 at 10:19:34 PM EST

It is a hard and long vision of deep, tingling evil. It chokes me with its hard anger.

----------------------------------

Well, we have to end apartheid for one. And slow down the nuclear arms race, stop terrorism and world hunger. We have to provide food and shelter for the homeless, and oppose racial discrimination and promote civil rights, while also promoting equal rights for women. We have to encourage a return to traditional moral values. Most importantly, we have to promote general social concern and less materialism in young people.

Ok here's the thing (2.95 / 23) (#9)
by BottleRocket on Mon Jul 23, 2007 at 10:55:06 PM EST

I'm with you to a point. I've stuck a finger up my ass once or twice, it wasn't half bad. If a girl with perky tits and a nice round butt wants to stick a strap-on in my rectum, I won't argue.

But when it comes to watching the German Men's Anal Masturbation Team lube up for the semifinal qualifiers and ride up and down on rubber cock, I have to draw the line. The only way I'll condone this is if it's gender-segregated and limited to pay per view or bittorrent.

$ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
. ₩ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . *
$ . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $
Yes I do download [child pornography], but I don't keep it any longer than I need to, so it can yield insight as to how to find more. --MDC
$ . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $
. . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . *
. ₩ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
$ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
$B R Σ III$

Totally! (3.00 / 2) (#49)
by Just this guy on Wed Jul 25, 2007 at 04:16:32 PM EST

I can see how seeing a chick mixed in with the German Men's Anal Masturbation Team could really be a boner-killer.

[ Parent ]
Why use your finger... (2.78 / 14) (#10)
by b1t r0t on Mon Jul 23, 2007 at 11:11:45 PM EST

...when you can use a Harry Potter[tm] Wand[tm] instead?

Or better yet, give in to the furry side and try a Fox Tail Anal Plug. (other species available on request)

-- Indymedia: the fanfiction.net of journalism.

maybe yuo should get yuor head out (1.45 / 11) (#11)
by I See You Always on Mon Jul 23, 2007 at 11:15:39 PM EST

of yuor fucking ass before yuo shove the dildo up.

I'll stop my "Mother-fucking" trolling (2.87 / 8) (#13)
by Wide Stance Bathroom on Mon Jul 23, 2007 at 11:33:00 PM EST

but just for a second.

Seriously, that was awesome. I mean, wow. I've been anally masturbating for years. It's the most pleasurable type of whacking off evar. +10000000000FP!!! FTW

i cant wait for mm's rebuttal (2.81 / 16) (#17)
by Jobst of Moravia on Tue Jul 24, 2007 at 01:57:33 AM EST


---
              __
   .,-;-;-,. /'_\ ---Did this Negro say "Street Moor"?
 _/_/_/_|_\_\) /
'-<_><_><_><_>=\
 `/_/====/_/-'\_\
  ""     ""    ""

ok cts treatment (2.27 / 11) (#18)
by agreedymonkey on Tue Jul 24, 2007 at 02:28:46 AM EST

lets get a long high rated thread going

no punctuation or otherwise proper english

-1. mentions nothing about safety (3.00 / 9) (#20)
by manjal on Tue Jul 24, 2007 at 07:33:25 AM EST

doctors will tell you you need to be careful performing this type of activity. this kind of irresponsible reportage does no service to anyone.

reminds me of pegging (2.88 / 17) (#21)
by circletimessquare on Tue Jul 24, 2007 at 07:47:23 AM EST

that's where a woman straps on a dildo and penetrates a man in the ass

to your average straight guy, including me, that's way off the vanilla sex map, but, indeed, as the poster says, it's not gay. it really isn't. it's just a weird heterosexual fetish

so as for your anal masturbation, hey man, whatever floats your boat, i don't fucking care what you do in the privacy of your own home. just wash your hands. k thx

my ears have a lot of nerve endings too, but i'm not about to lube them up: my ears, or my ass, just aren't sexual in my mind. sorry

now if you want to talk about fetishes, mine is fisting: fisting women. in the vagina. no men, no anuses. it's such a position of power. it really appeals to the sadist in me

someone write about that


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

There once was a man from Nantucket. /nt (3.00 / 7) (#28)
by ksandstr on Tue Jul 24, 2007 at 10:40:42 AM EST



Fin.
[ Parent ]
You are obviously gay (2.57 / 7) (#29)
by Professional Phrenologist on Tue Jul 24, 2007 at 11:47:55 AM EST

I was watching your movie on your website. There were very many red-flag style touches on my mind from that movie.

----------------------------------

Well, we have to end apartheid for one. And slow down the nuclear arms race, stop terrorism and world hunger. We have to provide food and shelter for the homeless, and oppose racial discrimination and promote civil rights, while also promoting equal rights for women. We have to encourage a return to traditional moral values. Most importantly, we have to promote general social concern and less materialism in young people.
[ Parent ]

you got me, i'm gay (3.00 / 7) (#32)
by circletimessquare on Tue Jul 24, 2007 at 01:55:08 PM EST

now bend over bitch


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]
Holy Christ (2.50 / 8) (#39)
by redqueen on Tue Jul 24, 2007 at 10:22:20 PM EST

I was laughing my ass off up until the fisting part. I always thought that was some kind of urban legend.
You people are sick fucks.

Best "interesting female" (impersonator): redqueen. - sausalito
[ Parent ]
You're so 1950s (3.00 / 7) (#42)
by BJH on Wed Jul 25, 2007 at 08:14:32 AM EST

These days, enlightened people understand that no matter how sick and twisted you think a particular sexual fetish is, if you google for it, you will find hundreds of sites devoted to it, many of which get thousands of hits.

Fisting isn't even anywhere near the extreme end of the spectrum, so stop pretending to be so shocked.
--
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
-- Oscar Levant

[ Parent ]

fisting (none / 1) (#43)
by circletimessquare on Wed Jul 25, 2007 at 08:31:36 AM EST

some women can do it on the first try, others can't do it, even after they have kids

http://www.amazon.com/Hand-Bush-Fine-Vaginal-Fisting/dp/1890159026

The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]

Everyone should try it at least once (3.00 / 5) (#46)
by jxg on Wed Jul 25, 2007 at 01:10:05 PM EST

As far as getting fucked up the ass goes, a beautiful woman wearing a strapon is tops.

[ Parent ]
i appreciate beautiful women (3.00 / 2) (#48)
by circletimessquare on Wed Jul 25, 2007 at 03:15:40 PM EST

but i don't appreciate my ass. it's the power structure of the whole thing that turns me off

i'm a sadist. i am the one that has to be doing the penetrating, i am the one who has to be in power. then i'm turned on. otherwise, no me gusta


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]

Why am I not surprised ;) (3.00 / 2) (#50)
by Just this guy on Wed Jul 25, 2007 at 04:18:41 PM EST



[ Parent ]
shut up bitch, dont talk with your mouth full nt (3.00 / 2) (#52)
by circletimessquare on Wed Jul 25, 2007 at 07:51:16 PM EST



The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]
HI LOUIS WINTHORPE 3 (none / 1) (#57)
by Blond Treehorn Thug on Thu Jul 26, 2007 at 06:44:39 PM EST



I am amused by the simplicity of this game. Bring me your finest meats and cheeses.
[ Parent ]
+1 FP K5 IS more of this (2.46 / 15) (#22)
by Wen Jian on Tue Jul 24, 2007 at 07:57:01 AM EST


It was an experiment in lulz. - Rusty
Come on people! (1.30 / 20) (#25)
by Cambria on Tue Jul 24, 2007 at 09:45:38 AM EST

Stop voting for this crap!

For as long as I've been here people have said k5 is getting worse and lately I am actually starting to agree.

Yes, this is mildly amusing and pretty offensive but we don't need it on the front page. We need new users contributing in this place and by sending this to the FP we are just trolling ourselves.

have you ever let your boyfriend in the back door? (2.23 / 13) (#31)
by the spins on Tue Jul 24, 2007 at 12:50:58 PM EST


 _
( )
 X
/ \ SUPPORT THE DEL GRIFFITH MODBOMBING CAMPAIGN

[ Parent ]

It's much too late. (3.00 / 3) (#44)
by Keepiru on Wed Jul 25, 2007 at 09:45:21 AM EST

Those of us left here are the ones who refuse to admit that the party's long since over, the sun's rising, and it's time to go home.

The way I see K5 these days is as a monument to something that was a truly great phenomenon.  Stories like this bring a few of us back every now and then to hold a reunion, have a cheap laugh, and then go back to the other places we've moved on to.

Accept change.

[ Parent ]

It's amazing the difference a night makes (none / 0) (#62)
by D Jade on Fri Jul 27, 2007 at 10:20:37 PM EST

to one's attitudes on anal masturbation

You're a shitty troll, so stop pretending you have more of a life than a cool dude -- HollyHopDrive
[ Parent ]
don't know it 'til you've tried it? $ (none / 1) (#63)
by horny smurf on Fri Jul 27, 2007 at 10:34:29 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Lildebbie dupe? \\ (3.00 / 18) (#26)
by rpresser on Tue Jul 24, 2007 at 10:00:34 AM EST


------------
"In terms of both hyperbolic overreaching and eventual wrongness, the Permanent [Republican] Majority has set a new, and truly difficult to beat, standard." --rusty
didn't work need help (2.62 / 8) (#36)
by Psychopath on Tue Jul 24, 2007 at 07:48:05 PM EST

i just tried your howto but it didn't work out as intended. what did i do wrong?!?! plzz help!!!
--
The only antidote to mental suffering is physical pain. -- Karl Marx
Optimus Prime isn't coming out without help. (2.57 / 7) (#38)
by Russell Dovey on Tue Jul 24, 2007 at 08:41:13 PM EST

You need to visit the hospital. Don't worry, they're professionals. They might even give Optimus back after the surgery.

"Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light." - Spike Milligan
[ Parent ]

i think you meant yoda (2.25 / 4) (#41)
by Jobst of Moravia on Wed Jul 25, 2007 at 01:45:15 AM EST


---
              __
   .,-;-;-,. /'_\ ---Did this Negro say "Street Moor"?
 _/_/_/_|_\_\) /
'-<_><_><_><_>=\
 `/_/====/_/-'\_\
  ""     ""    ""

[ Parent ]

-1 - Edit for Safety and accuracy (3.00 / 6) (#37)
by DangerGrrl on Tue Jul 24, 2007 at 08:11:29 PM EST

As other have said, this amusingly written, and a bit crass, but it needs more safey information.

For example, you do not need a 8" dildo for anal masturbation. For beginers, a narrow 4" long butt plug is probably "safer" - especially since said plugs have a flanged base.

A ridged butt toy made of metal or acrylic is probably a bad idea for beginners as well. There's too much of a tear risk. Use something made of silicone.

Also, though shit happens, diets high in fiber should regulate one so a "turd" isn't sitting there.

Oh, and um, use a GLOVE.

Similarly, I'd recommend that you do some research on anal health to include. There are a lot of good resources out there - I highly recommend Tristan Taormino's Anal Sex guides.

 As it's written now it's a diary entry at best. Shock-jockery at worst.

Probably the most appropriate... (3.00 / 8) (#40)
by fyngyrz on Wed Jul 25, 2007 at 12:20:11 AM EST

..."Dump It" I've ever had the opportunity, not to say pleasure, to apply on K5.

As written, this is dangerous. As well as naive. If you want advice on anal pleasure (to which I have absolutely no objection), go get it from a source where the author has some vague idea of what they are talking about, instead of from someone just trying to be funny, and mostly not hitting the mark.


Blog, Photos.

I spoke to some fags... (none / 0) (#61)
by D Jade on Fri Jul 27, 2007 at 10:18:29 PM EST

... they read the article and said it's just like in real life!

You're a shitty troll, so stop pretending you have more of a life than a cool dude -- HollyHopDrive
[ Parent ]
One Word (1.00 / 3) (#45)
by solstice on Wed Jul 25, 2007 at 11:48:15 AM EST

Aneros.  Forget silly generic dildos and go for the real deal.

Unsubscribe (2.20 / 5) (#51)
by evarlast on Wed Jul 25, 2007 at 05:40:00 PM EST

I had been following the backend feed via bloglines. This post prompted me to unsubscribe.

thanks for making my pruning job easy.

Yeah, you sound like a real backend feeder (3.00 / 8) (#55)
by Just this guy on Thu Jul 26, 2007 at 11:51:29 AM EST



[ Parent ]
hilarious (none / 0) (#56)
by ray eckson on Thu Jul 26, 2007 at 02:33:38 PM EST




wampsy: hey ray why don't you start up a site. you could call it ray5.
rusty: I gotta fix that stupid cancel bug.
booger: How's that for daring to get ray eckson all sniffy, you cow?
poopy: Not that I'm gay or anything, but for you I might make an exception.
[ Parent ]
Digger (3.00 / 1) (#58)
by alejo on Thu Jul 26, 2007 at 07:58:42 PM EST

It's funny, I just unsubscribed from Digg feeds after getting annoyed repeatedly on obvious reasons. Skinning through the headlines fast forward didn't work, there's way too much obvious crap. It's worse than watching TV.

Just now I tried the old Kuro5hin RSS after years of not reading and went back to recover my old account. Fantastique. Even The Onion is coming back.

The Goatse Generation

[ Parent ]

Revolting (1.57 / 7) (#53)
by Marvaud on Wed Jul 25, 2007 at 09:42:02 PM EST

Why can't you keep your gross recounts
of yuk to yourself?
Next thing someone will be in here, telling
about some kind of disease with pus.
I refuse to read this shit, literally.

On it! (3.00 / 5) (#60)
by Sgt York on Fri Jul 27, 2007 at 05:12:22 PM EST

Shall I present the various forms of necrosis?

Maybe a discussion of the various prion diseases? Mechanisms of diabetic ulceration? Tales from volunteer work at the ER in college (trying to pad my resume when I thought I wanted to be an MD)?

Or perhaps just a blow by blow of how to prepare a mouse lung for histology?

Hey....that last one would be easy. I'm whipping up a snazzy little mucus simulant at the moment, and that crap takes forever to go into solution....

There is a reason for everything. Sometimes, that reason just sucks.
[ Parent ]

Wow (3.00 / 9) (#54)
by Cambria on Thu Jul 26, 2007 at 06:17:45 AM EST

That was the most erotic thing I've ever read. I'm so horny right now.

brb

Yuck (2.00 / 2) (#59)
by phrits on Fri Jul 27, 2007 at 09:45:23 AM EST

Consenting adult(s), whatever makes you happy, different strokes, etc. But I'd find it difficult to find something less appealing to me. Thanks anyway.

Necrophilia? (3.00 / 1) (#64)
by Corwin06 on Sat Jul 28, 2007 at 12:22:17 PM EST

Diapers? full-on scat? car crushing (yes, you got that right)?

There always is "less appealing". Zombie porn. Zoophilia (woman licks mare. WTF?)

There is a map of sexual deviations and fetishes, somewhere on the 'Net...

"and you sir, in an argument in a thread with a troll in a story no one is reading in a backwater website, you're a fucking genius
--circletimessquare
[ Parent ]
Uh, thanks? (none / 0) (#74)
by phrits on Wed Aug 08, 2007 at 10:20:37 AM EST

Okay, there's worse. "Worse" in this context means "less appealing to me" of course.

[ Parent ]
I was really hoping for FP (2.00 / 3) (#65)
by spooked on Sun Jul 29, 2007 at 01:22:47 AM EST

c'mon guys: get-it-to-ge-ther.

Seriously.
YUOR kidding...right? (1.50 / 2) (#66)
by achievingfluidity on Sun Jul 29, 2007 at 02:17:36 AM EST

if you are gonna troll this place at least do it in style.

This was a sorry piece of shit. it barely made section even.

--
ANNOY A LIBERAL USE FACTS AND LOGIC


[ Parent ]

the thing is he /wasnt/ trolling. (1.66 / 3) (#69)
by spooked on Mon Jul 30, 2007 at 03:09:43 AM EST

And you're right, getting sectioned is just as good as getting dumped.

But if this lovely gem had made it to front page it would have be glorious.

Seriously.
[ Parent ]
The Gay Thing (3.00 / 3) (#67)
by czolgosz on Sun Jul 29, 2007 at 12:55:58 PM EST

What I didn't like about the article was all the fretting about whether this or that act is gay or not. As though having sex with men is somehow worse than having sex with women. Or both men and women.

The comments about the pleasures of laying a big cable remind me of a Norwegian saying that translates more or less as "A fuck's good, but there's plenty of pleasure in a good shit."


And those of you who follow up on this article, make sure you mail all the santorum you generate to our representatives in Washington.


Why should I let the toad work squat on my life? --Larkin

What the fuck is wrong with you (2.00 / 3) (#71)
by heksys on Tue Jul 31, 2007 at 10:13:27 AM EST

Dude you need help mother fucker! ! !

This is TOTAL GARBAGE /nt (1.50 / 2) (#73)
by achievingfluidity on Sat Aug 04, 2007 at 03:49:56 PM EST


--
ANNOY A LIBERAL USE FACTS AND LOGIC


too much talk about shit... (none / 1) (#75)
by Wain on Wed Aug 22, 2007 at 06:36:40 PM EST

srsly, if you have fecal matter as abundant as it sounds in the article THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU!  

Feces do not hang out in the rectal area for long periods of time without you feeling the need to have a bowel movement.

There are a lot of health issues with what you are doing that are not common to people who regularly enjoy having things up their butts.  This should be re-written by somebody who isn't going to have their colon fall out of them in another 10 years, or lose control over their bowel movements.


An Introduction to Anal Masturbation | 74 comments (66 topical, 8 editorial, 1 hidden)
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