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Skinhacking: A DIY Guide to Facials, Laxatives, and Moisturizers

By Trollaxor in Culture
Tue Jan 15, 2008 at 01:01:46 PM EST
Tags: DIY, facial, laxative, recipe, skin (all tags)

I have dry skin. Heating systems at home, school, and work all conspire with the general dryness of Zone 5 Winter to leave me with a flaky, sensitive epidermis that not only feels papery and prone but, in some areas, cracks or reddens. To combat this I began using, for the first time in my life, commercially available moisturizers like Aloe & Chamomile Advanced Therapy Lotion (St. Ives) and Norwegian Formula Body Moisturizer (Neutrogena). After becoming wary of their exotic additives and unpronounceables, I decided to try making my own in order to ascertain what's really responsible for rehydrating my skin.

The recipe below is simple and forms the basis of most DIY skin moisturizers; it functions by shielding the skin from dehydrating agents and both attracting and trapping moisture within the skin. I created it after a few tries from some recipes I found online and in a local anarchist hippie zine called Motha Earrrth.

  • 4 tbs. beeswax
  • 8 tbs. coco butter
  • 4 tbs. coconut oil
  • 2 tsp. distilled water

Use either a simple double boiler or a Pyrex dish either in a pot of boiling water or on top of a hot plate.

  1. Place beeswax in dish and allow it to melt to the consistency of water.
  2. Add the distilled water and mix thoroughly.
  3. Add the coconut oil and coco butter, stirring continuously until completely mixed with the beeswax and water.
  4. Pour into a container and allow it to cool for about an hour before use.
  5. Total time: Seven minutes.

The stark simplicity of this recipe contrasts quite obviously with commercial solutions as it lacks dyes, vitamins, and chemicals. The color of the finished product will be a light tan or beige color depending on the color of the products you used and it should smell vaguely tropical or like a legally-aged but still pubescent girl who just went tanning. I tried this recipe on my face, where it worked well as a lip balm too, and felt results in just a couple days.

After trying this recipe with other oils, I realized that skin moisturizers, lip balm, hair conditioner, and shoe polish all exist along a spectrum and tweaking the amounts and ingredients allow for products appropriate for many household and garden uses. For instance, adding a teaspoon of sesame oil and olive oil each and reducing the beeswax a bit results in an excellent hair care product that one can leave in and style with or rinse out in the shower. Women love to touch my hair.

Upon further experimentation with this basic recipe for skin care use, I decided to fancy it up so it was more like the expensive commercial brands, something I could gift and use to impress attractive lady-friends. This required the purchase of essential oils, which are about US $2-6 per 10mL; one adds just a few drops of the essential oil when mixing. The only guidelines here are the skinhacker's personal tastes and allergies. I would recommend using garlic or valerian oil in a batch meant for gifting, for example.

My favorites so far have been a catnip/chamomile/lavender/St. John's wort combo which is nice before bedtime, a chamomile/lemon/mint paste with honey which is an excellent pre-shower facial that leaves the skin full and smooth and smelling incredibly kissable, and a peppermint/ginger combo that mimics my preferred Tom's of Maine toothpaste flavor and so is excellent for post-shower application. A three-to-one frankincense/sandalwood combination smells of success and sinecure; wear it to interviews and meetings.

Alongside more obvious scents, many skin products contain vitamins; Vitamin E compounds are especially common. Vitamins are of obvious benefit, but few are actually effective when applied externally. Vitamin A, for instance, is a magnitude more effective when taken internally, while the B vitamin complex has absolutely no benefit when applied to the skin. In researching I found that only one Vitamin E compound, alpha tocopherol, is effective topically. I purchase gel cap preparation from discount stores and pop  and squeeze it in when mixing the other ingredients. It adds no odor or other side effects but I do feel as if my skin feels tighter and more resilient to inclemency than without.

Another benefit of these natural ingredients is that the product is edible assuming one has not added poisonous ingredients. This means that, if one is bored, one can eat their homemade skin care products. This lends to treating constipation, since coconut oil, among others, induces bowel movements in humans. One can ingest a good amount of moisturizer orally and enjoy its soothing benefits hours later. A batch with some anise oil and high beeswax content can be inserted into the rectum for results much gentler than over-the-counter suppositories.

Taking responsibility for your skin health not only benefits your skin but shows the world that you have invested in yourself, a person just as bright as their expression. Knowing the process behind doing so allows for a subtle, personal tweaking that manufactured skin products just don't provide. Ordering a scent or cream for a looming romantic appointment is impractical and expensive, but making it at home takes only minutes and costs nothing after you've established a small cabinet of ingredients.

Eventually one will find novel uses for their personal products that will allow them to slowly wean themselves away from the horror of consumerist dependence, polishing their life--literally--in the process.


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Recipe you're likely to try?
o sesame oil/olive oil hair conditioner 30%
o catnip/chamomile/lavender/St. John's wort moisturizer 15%
o chamomile/lemon/mint paste with honey 30%
o peppermint/ginger moisturizer 38%
o frankincense/sandalwood moisturizer 23%
o anise suppository 46%

Votes: 13
Results | Other Polls

Related Links
o Zone 5 Winter
o Also by Trollaxor

Display: Sort:
Skinhacking: A DIY Guide to Facials, Laxatives, and Moisturizers | 48 comments (36 topical, 12 editorial, 0 hidden)
hacking the skin (3.00 / 2) (#1)
by SaintPort on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 01:45:25 AM EST

would be building collagen and absorbing free radicals. Promising ingredients: Tretionion, L-Ascorbic Acid, Alpha-Lipoic Acid & Copper Peptides applied externally.




Search the Scriptures
Start with some cheap grace...Got Life?

Yeah (3.00 / 2) (#3)
by BJH on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 02:56:13 AM EST

That Ultra-Emu Oil is really something.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
-- Oscar Levant

[ Parent ]
I don't know about you but... (3.00 / 16) (#4)
by jolt rush soon on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 05:06:22 AM EST

I read the most of this in the style of Patrick Bateman.
Subosc — free electronic music.
Thank you very much for your feedback, (none / 1) (#5)
by Trollaxor on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 09:06:00 AM EST

My mission is accomplished.

[ Parent ]
story is just an obtuse joke on american psycho? (none / 1) (#6)
by circletimessquare on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 10:10:14 AM EST

The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]
Thank you for your feedback. (3.00 / 5) (#8)
by Trollaxor on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 11:55:02 AM EST

No sir. I've just been watching the movie over and over again while I read the novel. I was reading it to myself in Bateman's voice the entire time I was writing it, but it's a real article. Try the recipes yourself!

[ Parent ]
Eucerin n/t (2.50 / 2) (#7)
by Calalily on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 11:00:36 AM EST

RUN LITTLE RATS, RUN!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAH! There is no escape. THERE IS NO ESCAPE. by Sgt York on Mon Dec 17, 2007
for someone writing about gay sex acts for years (2.55 / 9) (#9)
by chlorus on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 12:22:33 PM EST

i am shocked -- shocked -- that you're now expounding on the subject of proper skin care.

Peahippo: Coked-up internet tough guy or creepy pedophile?

Thank you for your feedback. (3.00 / 9) (#10)
by Trollaxor on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 12:46:14 PM EST

One doesn't stay smooth and supple by pure luck.

[ Parent ]
"Dear ESR," (2.70 / 10) (#11)
by chlorus on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 12:48:56 PM EST

"I am a supple, young boy from Ohio and I was wondering if you could help me with a bug I found in fetchmail..."

Peahippo: Coked-up internet tough guy or creepy pedophile?
[ Parent ]

Thank you for your feedback. (3.00 / 2) (#14)
by Trollaxor on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 12:59:46 PM EST

That has nothing to do with what's being discussed here. What some programmer and a faux-innocent young man do with one another is none of my business.

[ Parent ]
yeah? (3.00 / 6) (#27)
by osm on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 08:27:53 PM EST

well i own a business. buddy.

[ Parent ]

Thank you for your feedback. (3.00 / 3) (#28)
by Trollaxor on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 08:56:56 PM EST

What kind of business? Perhaps you're the type that would enjoy an anise/German chamomile/licorice hand lotion?

[ Parent ]
fetchmail (3.00 / 8) (#19)
by rusty on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 04:32:43 PM EST

I can no longer even see that original word anymore. I am unable to read it as anything but "felchmale." Thanks trollaxor!

Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]
Thank you for your feedback. (3.00 / 2) (#38)
by Trollaxor on Tue Jan 15, 2008 at 11:54:18 AM EST

Glad I could be of some service.

[ Parent ]
Excellent and most useful write-up (3.00 / 3) (#12)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 12:49:58 PM EST

I'm just a bit weary of using food-grade products for skin care. How do I know the impurities in the off-the-shelf products meant for consumption won't kill up my hair follickles or clog up my pores?

It's hard to be humble when even Mr Bigballs rates me as #1 Kuro5hit.

Thank you for your feedback. (none / 1) (#13)
by Trollaxor on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 12:57:41 PM EST

You don't know until you try.

[ Parent ]
My kisser is used to Clinique shit (none / 1) (#15)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 01:22:54 PM EST

and I'm not willing to put my pores into the mercy of Unilever or Kraft.

It's hard to be humble when even Mr Bigballs rates me as #1 Kuro5hit.

[ Parent ]
Thank you for your feedback. (3.00 / 2) (#16)
by Trollaxor on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 01:31:06 PM EST

I understand; I'm a Brie and Camambert man. I would never ingest Kraft or Velveeta. However, this would be your own homemade effort and <i>you</i> can pick the ingredients. So, pick accordingly.

[ Parent ]
Just as I thought: your pedestrian spelling (1.50 / 2) (#17)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 01:51:10 PM EST

mistake betrays your poseurdom.


It's hard to be humble when even Mr Bigballs rates me as #1 Kuro5hit.

[ Parent ]
I don't understand anything you're saying. (none / 1) (#18)
by Trollaxor on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 01:52:16 PM EST

[ Parent ]
flattery (2.00 / 3) (#23)
by chlorus on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 07:00:15 PM EST

that is a high compliment coming from the world's largest poseur. how are those cerwin vegas, you nouveau riche douchebag?

Peahippo: Coked-up internet tough guy or creepy pedophile?
[ Parent ]

owwwww take it back TAKE IT BACK TAKEITBACK! € (none / 1) (#24)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 07:04:45 PM EST

It's hard to be humble when even Mr Bigballs rates me as #1 Kuro5hit.

[ Parent ]
fwiw (none / 0) (#20)
by horny smurf on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 05:20:54 PM EST

buying coconut oil, in this country at least, usually involves a trip to the hippy/health food store to buy some certified organic stuff.

[ Parent ]
What's your point? (none / 0) (#22)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 06:01:06 PM EST

I hope you are not implying that certified organic stuff is somehow safer or cleaner than the results of millennia of scientific cultivation.

It's hard to be humble when even Mr Bigballs rates me as #1 Kuro5hit.

[ Parent ]
don't forget to (2.00 / 3) (#26)
by dongs on Mon Jan 14, 2008 at 08:14:18 PM EST

clip your nails you cock-smoking teabaggers

Wow (2.25 / 4) (#39)
by undermyne on Tue Jan 15, 2008 at 02:02:09 PM EST

and here all these many years I thought you were straight.


"who in his right mind would hand over political power of an entire country, armed with nuclear weapons, to someone with a clitoris?" -
For those with dry scalp (none / 0) (#40)
by the77x42 on Tue Jan 15, 2008 at 11:38:48 PM EST

Rub a tablespoon of olive oil into your scalp. Let it sit for about 30min. Rinse off in the shower. Doing it once cured me for a couple weeks.

"We're not here to educate. We're here to point and laugh." - creature
"You have some pretty stupid ideas." - indubitable ‮

my ex made brownies with olive oil once (none / 0) (#41)
by osm on Wed Jan 16, 2008 at 01:32:05 AM EST

crazy bitch.

[ Parent ]

What was she? (none / 1) (#42)
by Trollaxor on Wed Jan 16, 2008 at 09:15:43 AM EST

Sicilian or Greek or something? One more reason to "date North" as the phrase goes.

[ Parent ]
sicilian. (none / 0) (#43)
by osm on Wed Jan 16, 2008 at 09:34:19 AM EST

[ Parent ]

Olive oil is great (none / 0) (#45)
by ff on Tue Jan 22, 2008 at 05:47:02 PM EST

I use olive oil to replace butter in every recipe.

The extra light has no taste and serves the same purpose as butter except it's actually healthy for you.

You typically use less oil than butter. About two-thirds the amount of oil to butter.  If the recipe calls for salted butter make sure to add that extra bit of salt for flavor.

[ Parent ]

"..garlic or valerian oil..." (3.00 / 3) (#44)
by BobCat on Wed Jan 16, 2008 at 10:49:51 AM EST

Here darling, I made some stinky goo for you to rub on your body!

Top 10 Ways to Amuse a Geek

Will this... (none / 0) (#46)
by Pnarp on Wed Jan 23, 2008 at 12:00:47 AM EST

...cure a gnome infestation? They're in my sebaceous glands, damn it!

∼ Phillip Norbert Årp
Powered by the love of the voluptuous insect goddess, Strahazazhia Kalamazoo-Kintaki-Meeps, She of the six-legged delights.

✿✿✿ Pnårp’s docile & perfunctory page! ✿✿✿
   ❝It’s docile! It’s perfunctory! It’s phlogistically fantastical! But… is it one of those blog things?❞
    All wrights preserved. No purchase estuary. Lawn gnomes not included. You won’t be disconcerted. Deployed where prohibited by snore.

❤   Pnårp learned this week that the world was still here. Will it ever end?

[ Current entry | Random entry ]
Hey Buddy! (none / 1) (#47)
by jax0m on Sun Feb 17, 2008 at 06:08:24 AM EST

Trollaxor, that anise suppository idea was fab-u! Thanks for the tips ;)

---- It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them! - Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)

You are quite welcome. (none / 0) (#48)
by Trollaxor on Thu Feb 28, 2008 at 03:29:00 PM EST

Doesn't it work wonders?

[ Parent ]
Skinhacking: A DIY Guide to Facials, Laxatives, and Moisturizers | 48 comments (36 topical, 12 editorial, 0 hidden)
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