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[P]
eavier's guide to enjoying straight pr0n in the company of other heterosexual males.

By eavier in Culture
Thu Jan 31, 2008 at 07:08:11 PM EST
Tags: Paris Hilton, and friends. (all tags)

While sitting in the company of three male friends last weekend watching Hustler's "Campus Confessions" (excellent btw), it came to me that enjoying porn with and in the company of other men is a delicate business. One wrong move can ruin, what was up until that point, a spotless heterosexual record.

First off, watching porn in a male pack is a weird act. But it happens. Somebody inevitably will think it a good idea to bring an adult DVD to watch after the game. Disagreeing to watch or a sudden show of hesitancy will only get your friends questioning your heterosexuality.

Secondly, you will in no way enjoy the porn as much as you would watching it by yourself, or with your significant other. In all likelihood, the pack porn party, if everyone is honest, is way too structured for anyone to have any fun at all. But they happen, and here's ten pointers to keep yourself "straight" in everyone's mind after the "fun" is over.


1.GET YOURSELF SORTED.

You'll probably be drinking, so make sure the beer is close, preferably next to you. If you're the host, move the fridge into the room or have a personal chilly bin for each watcher. Same with the popcorn, chips, nuts whatever. DON'T MAKE PEOPLE GET UP DURING THE FILM. YOU WILL SEE THEIR ERECTION. Seeing another man's erection in RL is gayness. Don't be gay.

2.ATTIRE

Tight jeans are out. Do everyone a favour and always wear something comfortable, everywhere you go, just in case someone pulls out an adult movie. However nothing as comfortable as a robe. That's just gay.

3.CHOICE OF FILM

If you've brought the film, it better be good. Save the specialty shit or home made porn for your own viewing. Good ole "girl on guy" or lesbian porn is always a safe bet. A film with nothing but cumshots isn't. Too much cock will make everyone feel a little sick and a lot gayer than when they turned up at the start of the evening. Be considerate and bring great porn.

4.INEVITABLE BATHROOM VISITS

If you need to go, be quick. Any longer than necessary implies to the rest of the guys, that you've gone and spanked your load into the toilet bowl. That is a disgusting thought, as it'll make them think of your penis and you wanking. Don't make your friends gay, be considerate.

5.SLOW MO PERVING

I've fallen into this sticky trap. One time, a large gentleman let go (onscreen) on to a pretty vixens face in no less than 15 violent spasms. I couldn't fucking believe the effort he'd put in. Without thinking, I let myself down by rewinding the VHS tape (this was a few years ago) and counting off in slow mo his shots on to her face, whooping with joy. Enjoying the finality of a scene is one thing, counting out the blasts and revelling in another man's orgasm in slo mo is quite another. By the end of the fifteenth, everyone in the room was looking at me. My performance made me and everyone party to my antics a little gay. Moral of the story: Slo Mo is fine if you're by yourself but in the company of others; not so much.

6.REMARKING ON THE FILM

Remarks like "fuck she's got nice tits" or "fuck she likes THAT!" are fine. "Fuck he's got a big cock" are not. The latter or variants of it are only going to call into question your heterosexuality and in your friends minds, their future anal safety. So, girl comments good, boy comments bad.

7.REMARKING ON YOUR FRIENDS POSTURE DURING THE FILM.

It is an extreme prick who makes fun of a friend during an adult movie, all the more so, god help you, if there are women present. If a friend obviously has a hard on, don't say anything. It may be funny initially to make fun out of Johnny's big Johnny, but friends are going to wonder later why you were staring at your friend's crotch and not at the movie. Don't be gay and don't be a prick.

8.TOUCHING YOUR JUNK.

Obviously fucking forbidden. The guys didn't turn up this evening to see your hard on and you lose all control of your faculties. Remember kids: Only homo's touch their junk in other males company.

9.THE "OH GOD DID THAT JUST HAPPEN IN MY PANTS" MOMENT.

A phenomenon confined to younger males watching porn as a group. This is basically when a guy spontaneously lets go in his own pants. It's nasty and basically akin to shitting your pants at school as a child.

Can happen when he sees something he may have not seen before or perhaps, it's something he's dreamed about, now been realised for queen and country onscreen. Can be identified by the culprit leaning forward too far in his chair, a sudden ammonia odour and suddenly excusing himself in the direction of the bathroom.

It is absolutely mandatory for everyone to mercilessly tease this guy for weeks. Even years.

10.END OF FILM. END OF EVENING.

An adult movie usually finishes off the evening. Make some jokes, shake some hands, go somewhere and ejaculate. Whether that's inside your partner or in the front seat of your car, just get rid of the tension. Forget all that Kama Sutra shit about "saving your essence", not letting go after porn will take years off your life. Believe me, there's been studies done.

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Poll
Would you like a ten step guide to watching an adult film with your adult female partner?
o Yes. 73%
o No. 21%
o Not right now eavier, maybe around pr0nfest 08' 5%

Votes: 56
Results | Other Polls

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o Also by eavier


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eavier's guide to enjoying straight pr0n in the company of other heterosexual males. | 85 comments (70 topical, 15 editorial, 1 hidden)
OMG it's full of traps!. (3.00 / 6) (#1)
by tetsuwan on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 02:31:28 AM EST


Njal's Saga: Just like Romeo & Juliet without the romance

if u get a boner ur gay (3.00 / 11) (#2)
by Jobst of Moravia on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 02:40:58 AM EST

or so people from auckland grammar who regularly watch porno together while naked tell me

---
              __
   .,-;-;-,. /'_\ ---Did this Negro say "Street Moor"?
 _/_/_/_|_\_\) /
'-<_><_><_><_>=\
 `/_/====/_/-'\_\
  ""     ""    ""

+1something (3.00 / 4) (#3)
by some nerd on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 05:39:33 AM EST

However in my experience the best pr0n to watch with others is the shitty stuff on UK satellite / cable (lol hacked box). Due to our fail censorship laws it's decidedly soft after you've seen internets hardcore, also they seem to think it's still the 70s and feel the need to have a completely unconvincing "plot" in every one. This makes it something to laugh at rather than fap to, eliminating the problem of potential gayness.

--
Home Sweet Home

I'd say that (3.00 / 13) (#4)
by GrubbyBeardedHermit on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 07:01:29 AM EST

"bringing a porno to watch after the game" is pretty gay in and of itself, and I humbly suggest that the jock who does such a thing is covertly more interested in looking at his chums boners than the porn.

GBH

a question re: TOUCHING YOUR JUNK (3.00 / 7) (#5)
by nostalgiphile on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 08:52:23 AM EST

I often unconsciously (but discreetly) grope my own balls in public. It's not pocket pool mind you, just minor adjustments, ratchetings, and realignings of the equipment (which is often found sweaty and festering in the subtropical weather here) so to speak. Now, watching pr0n w/or w/out my pals I'm sure to have to pull at least a few of these fine tunings, so does that still count as "TOUCHING YOUR JUNK"?

Also, +1FP. Great article.

"Depending on your perspective you are an optimist or a pessimist[,] and a hopeless one too." --trhurler

POWDER THOROUGHLY BEFORE COMING (3.00 / 3) (#7)
by rpresser on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 09:25:50 AM EST

pun not intended
------------
"In terms of both hyperbolic overreaching and eventual wrongness, the Permanent [Republican] Majority has set a new, and truly difficult to beat, standard." --rusty
[ Parent ]
I'm afraid so sir (3.00 / 4) (#18)
by eavier on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 02:06:34 PM EST

Everyone must sit in straining discomfort, outwardly having a great but not too great a time.

Saying that, realignment of equipment in public is fine. It just implies to women that you have a huge member that needs constant readjustment. It couldn't mean anything else.

Whatever you do, don't take it into your house. It's probably full of Greeks. - Vampire Zombie Abu Musab al Zarqawi

Ufology Doktor in da house

[ Parent ]

well, to be honest, sometimes I do (none / 1) (#22)
by nostalgiphile on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 02:38:18 PM EST

have a tendency to want it pointed in one direction or another...usually that depends on the draft in my pantlegs at the moment, but sometimes I wonder if it might not have something to do with who I keep company with. Not saying I point it a females like it's a gun or anything, since this all about psychology and the so-called unconscious, but it's weird how I find it cocked at a certain angle from time to time...when people are around.

On a related note, I do assume males who keep their hands in their pockets all the time are chronic masturbators. There have been studies on this. Search: Onanism.

"Depending on your perspective you are an optimist or a pessimist[,] and a hopeless one too." --trhurler
[ Parent ]

And there it is (3.00 / 2) (#23)
by eavier on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 02:52:34 PM EST

More random K5 information pushing its way into my subconscious.

So you're cock acts like a divining rod for good looking women. Could be a lot worse I say.

Whatever you do, don't take it into your house. It's probably full of Greeks. - Vampire Zombie Abu Musab al Zarqawi

Ufology Doktor in da house

[ Parent ]

Note that he... (none / 1) (#50)
by BJH on Thu Jan 31, 2008 at 12:24:36 PM EST

...very carefully failed to specify what sort of people his member points itself at.

Not saying anything, just noting it as a (possibly deliberate) omission.
--
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
-- Oscar Levant

[ Parent ]

Normally it's the feet. (none / 0) (#58)
by livus on Thu Jan 31, 2008 at 06:10:27 PM EST

You can tell a lot by where people's feet are pointing.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
The proper term is 'adjusting your nuts' $ (3.00 / 1) (#35)
by MichaelCrawford on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 09:37:44 PM EST


--
Looking for some free songs?


[ Parent ]

i have a much better solution (3.00 / 14) (#8)
by chlorus on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 09:32:54 AM EST

leave anyway. if they question your sexuality, so what? they're the fags watching porn together.

Peahippo: Coked-up internet tough guy or creepy pedophile?

Exactly (3.00 / 8) (#9)
by Booger on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 11:30:03 AM EST

To me, college-age wankers watching porn together has always screamed out "look at me, guys, I'm not gay....really!  Look at those boobies!'

FUN FACT:  70% of all fratboys are closet homosexuals.

-
Some of us thought the future was actually going to be like the Jetsons...when instead, the future seems more like the Flintstones each day
[ Parent ]

this material is dated (2.73 / 15) (#10)
by balsamic vinigga on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 11:43:21 AM EST

in the modern era there's nothing gayer than intentionally avoiding gay comments or behaviors. This shows that you're insecure with your sexuality and therefore gay. Nothing says you're a confident heterosexual nowadays than making gay ass comments, dick jokes, and downright flirting with your male pals.

---
Please help fund a Filipino Horror Movie. It's been in limbo since 2007 due to lack of funding. Please donate today!
i heard sucking dicks is real popular for that (3.00 / 12) (#12)
by chlorus on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 11:57:35 AM EST


Peahippo: Coked-up internet tough guy or creepy pedophile?
[ Parent ]

I live in the Commonwealth (none / 1) (#19)
by eavier on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 02:10:56 PM EST

Nothing is as unfunny as overting flirting with your male friends during an adult film.

Whatever you do, don't take it into your house. It's probably full of Greeks. - Vampire Zombie Abu Musab al Zarqawi

Ufology Doktor in da house

[ Parent ]
iawtp (none / 0) (#57)
by livus on Thu Jan 31, 2008 at 06:08:36 PM EST

and I live where he lives.

But, I think different social circles may have different habits or something.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]

Thanks (none / 0) (#13)
by eavier on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 01:55:01 PM EST

Those parts changed.

Whatever you do, don't take it into your house. It's probably full of Greeks. - Vampire Zombie Abu Musab al Zarqawi

Ufology Doktor in da house

i just found this video of (3.00 / 8) (#16)
by circletimessquare on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 02:00:07 PM EST

a lactating japanese chick with some guy stuffing a vibrator down her knickers, causing her to orgasm. her tits would spew continuous fountains of milk in synchronicity with her current level of ecstacy, while some other stoned japanese chick watched in utter boredom

you will excuse me now, i grew bamboo just describing that...


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

you worthless piece of shit (3.00 / 14) (#20)
by loteck on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 02:14:59 PM EST

how about you take a break from your incessant worthlessness and provide the fucking link?
--
"You're in tune to the musical sound of loteck hi-fi, the musical sound that moves right round. Keep on moving ya'll." -Mylakovich
"WHAT AN ETERNAL MOBIUS STRIP OF FELLATIATIC BANALITY THIS IS." -Harry B Otch

[ Parent ]
ok: newsgroups duh (3.00 / 3) (#25)
by circletimessquare on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 03:43:10 PM EST

dont tell me you get your porn on the web like a chump


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]
lol (3.00 / 6) (#28)
by loteck on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 06:15:50 PM EST

pedo
--
"You're in tune to the musical sound of loteck hi-fi, the musical sound that moves right round. Keep on moving ya'll." -Mylakovich
"WHAT AN ETERNAL MOBIUS STRIP OF FELLATIATIC BANALITY THIS IS." -Harry B Otch

[ Parent ]
there is a lot of pedophilia on newsgroups, true (3.00 / 10) (#30)
by circletimessquare on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 06:27:37 PM EST

its scary man. what has this world come to when an adult male with a healthy fetish for lactating asians cant enjoy that without some pedophilia spewed all over his honest clean smut? it should be in the goddamn presidential debates!

The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]
I'm sure pRon Paul would be willing... (3.00 / 3) (#47)
by BJH on Thu Jan 31, 2008 at 12:19:01 PM EST

...to take up your cause.
--
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
-- Oscar Levant

[ Parent ]
Work that scene into your film (2.66 / 6) (#21)
by eavier on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 02:15:06 PM EST

Maybe have the stoned chick in the background get her neck slit. Yeah. FAP FAP FAP. That's hot.

Whatever you do, don't take it into your house. It's probably full of Greeks. - Vampire Zombie Abu Musab al Zarqawi

Ufology Doktor in da house

[ Parent ]
ah, there's nothing finer than a k5 queue snob (3.00 / 2) (#27)
by lonelyhobo on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 05:18:36 PM EST

if you take out all the parts where you're a petulant ass I'll 3 your comment

The best way to watch pr0n (3.00 / 4) (#31)
by JugularVain on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 07:04:46 PM EST

is with mixed company. If you do then most of the issues you describe vanish.

Most women will watch it IF there are other couples around doing the same.

Watching pr0n any other way is gay. The guy that brings over the DVD ISN'T WATCHING THE CHICKS HE'S WATCHING THE GUYS. This it is a lock if the video that some guy brought over is a GANGBANG video.

this is eavier's story, in video form (3.00 / 4) (#32)
by circletimessquare on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 07:50:08 PM EST

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uAkMbQWT14

The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

You see, this is what happens (none / 1) (#33)
by JugularVain on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 09:13:49 PM EST

when you go to a circle jerk and end up watching something much better.

[ Parent ]
You don't masturbate do you? (3.00 / 9) (#36)
by MichaelCrawford on Wed Jan 30, 2008 at 10:23:01 PM EST

Masturbation is a sin, and causes blindness and hair growth on the palms.


--
Looking for some free songs?


I thought... (3.00 / 14) (#42)
by undermyne on Thu Jan 31, 2008 at 01:11:36 AM EST

it causes baldness and a broken mac book pro.



"who in his right mind would hand over political power of an entire country, armed with nuclear weapons, to someone with a clitoris?" - Parent ]
actually it leads to impotence (3.00 / 5) (#46)
by circletimessquare on Thu Jan 31, 2008 at 10:23:21 AM EST

but this is only in the electronic age. masturbating with your laptop on your lap fries your testes due to the heat from the laptop, resulting in impotence. so you can:

  1. use magazines likes your granddad
  2. masturbate with your laptop somewhere cool and with a breeze, like a public park bench


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]
do you even know what impotence is? (3.00 / 4) (#51)
by chlorus on Thu Jan 31, 2008 at 01:33:26 PM EST

stupid fucking flip

Peahippo: Coked-up internet tough guy or creepy pedophile?
[ Parent ]

you make me so hot (2.50 / 6) (#52)
by circletimessquare on Thu Jan 31, 2008 at 01:47:45 PM EST

with your constant petulant words, it reminds me of the teasing of little schoolyard girls

it makes me want to pull out my cock, ram it down your throat

while you desperately try to mumble your next brainless little mean girl schoolyard taunt

be mean to me like only a little 13 year old girl can, again like you did above

it turn me on so bad!


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]

haha darkie used sex words!!!! lol!@#!@!@! (1.50 / 4) (#53)
by Linux or FreeBSD on Thu Jan 31, 2008 at 05:36:09 PM EST

so, you clearly don't know what impotence means. however, you've demonstrated your ability to... attempt to be crude and come off as entirely unfunny and trying too hard? yeah, i guess that's it. congratulations.

[ Parent ]
why do you never talk this way to me? (3.00 / 3) (#56)
by livus on Thu Jan 31, 2008 at 06:05:14 PM EST

What has Chlorus got that I haven't?

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
A vagina.... (3.00 / 4) (#60)
by undermyne on Thu Jan 31, 2008 at 07:25:00 PM EST

and no gag reflex.



"who in his right mind would hand over political power of an entire country, armed with nuclear weapons, to someone with a clitoris?" - Parent ]
Nah, CTS likes the gag reflex. n (3.00 / 2) (#63)
by livus on Fri Feb 01, 2008 at 09:55:44 PM EST



---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
How do you know? [nt] (3.00 / 2) (#66)
by BJH on Sat Feb 02, 2008 at 02:25:23 AM EST


--
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
-- Oscar Levant

[ Parent ]
Nothing is so good it lasts eternally (none / 0) (#67)
by livus on Sun Feb 03, 2008 at 01:47:40 AM EST

Perfect situations must go wrong
but this has never yet prevented me
wanting far too much for far too long.

Looking back I could have played it differently
Won a few more moments, who can tell
But it took time to understand the man
Now at least I know I know him well...

Wasn't it good?
Wasn't he fine?
Isn't it madness
He can't be mine?

But in the end he need a little bit more than me, more.. security, fantasy and freedom

I KNOW HIM SO WELL.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]

So... (none / 1) (#70)
by Pnarp on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 03:45:15 AM EST

...that's where all this hair came from on the backs of my hands. But that doesn't answer where all the hair in my nose came from.

∼ Phillip Norbert Årp
Powered by the love of the voluptuous insect goddess, Strahazazhia Kalamazoo-Kintaki-Meeps, She of the six-legged delights.


✿✿✿ Pnårp’s docile & perfunctory page! ✿✿✿
   ❝It’s docile! It’s perfunctory! It’s phlogistically fantastical! But… is it one of those blog things?❞
    All wrights preserved. No purchase estuary. Lawn gnomes not included. You won’t be disconcerted. Deployed where prohibited by snore.

❤   Pnårp learned this week that the world was still here. Will it ever end?

[ Current entry | Random entry ]
[ Parent ]
Why... (none / 0) (#83)
by Pnarp on Sat Feb 16, 2008 at 06:42:00 PM EST

...do you hate America, chlorus?

∼ Phillip Norbert Årp
Powered by the love of the voluptuous insect goddess, Strahazazhia Kalamazoo-Kintaki-Meeps, She of the six-legged delights.


✿✿✿ Pnårp’s docile & perfunctory page! ✿✿✿
   ❝It’s docile! It’s perfunctory! It’s phlogistically fantastical! But… is it one of those blog things?❞
    All wrights preserved. No purchase estuary. Lawn gnomes not included. You won’t be disconcerted. Deployed where prohibited by snore.

❤   Pnårp learned this week that the world was still here. Will it ever end?

[ Current entry | Random entry ]
[ Parent ]
Husi ----------------> (2.40 / 10) (#41)
by undermyne on Thu Jan 31, 2008 at 12:44:39 AM EST

MAJORLY TEH GAY.

This should be titled "How to act like you are straight when looking at cocks"



"who in his right mind would hand over political power of an entire country, armed with nuclear weapons, to someone with a clitoris?" -
k5 has become one big ego wankfest (3.00 / 2) (#45)
by circletimessquare on Thu Jan 31, 2008 at 10:19:49 AM EST

so k5 is now massively gay

a metaphor for k5 would in fact be a bunch of straight male losers looking at porno. in psychological situation, and in quality of subject matter. the allegory fits

so the gayness of this story fits in perfectly with the tone of k5 nowadays

The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]

lol fuck you also +1fp anyways (1.66 / 3) (#43)
by The Hanged Man on Thu Jan 31, 2008 at 07:17:08 AM EST


-------------

Dificile est saturam non scribere - Juvenal
+1fp (2.33 / 3) (#54)
by AlwaysAnonyminated on Thu Jan 31, 2008 at 05:56:38 PM EST

Regardless of whether or not I disagree with the content.
---------------------------------------------
Posted from my Droid 2.
Puts a new slant on your desire to meet me. (3.00 / 2) (#55)
by livus on Thu Jan 31, 2008 at 06:03:04 PM EST

Although a recent comment search revealed the odd fact that you now think I'm a lesbian.

So maybe there's still an outside chance that you're not actually envisaging a quick round of soggy biscuit, loser "cleans up" winner, in the Domain Wintergardens on a friday night, but after reading this article I wouldn't like to bet on it.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

LOL (none / 1) (#61)
by eavier on Thu Jan 31, 2008 at 09:40:55 PM EST

You just keep been your whacked out sage self there sister, and I'll catch you on Parnell Rise real soon.


Whatever you do, don't take it into your house. It's probably full of Greeks. - Vampire Zombie Abu Musab al Zarqawi

Ufology Doktor in da house

[ Parent ]
You also think I live in a council flat?! n (none / 1) (#62)
by livus on Fri Feb 01, 2008 at 09:55:09 PM EST



---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
This article (3.00 / 7) (#64)
by dubya on Fri Feb 01, 2008 at 10:59:08 PM EST

is why kuro5hin is an authority on technology and culture, from the pants of gay middle aged men.

Happy Birthday toots! (none / 1) (#65)
by spunk on Fri Feb 01, 2008 at 11:17:36 PM EST



wut (3.00 / 2) (#68)
by the77x42 on Sun Feb 03, 2008 at 10:48:04 PM EST

how can you 'enjoy' porn in the company of other males? for me to enjoy a porn movie i need three minutes and a box of tissues.

i'm not going to watch the whole thing and critique it. that's just a waste of fucking time.


"We're not here to educate. We're here to point and laugh." - creature
"You have some pretty stupid ideas." - indubitable ‮

But how... (none / 1) (#69)
by Pnarp on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 03:28:15 AM EST

...does this help me find those virgins who keep whizgiggling at me?

∼ Phillip Norbert Årp
Powered by the love of the voluptuous insect goddess, Strahazazhia Kalamazoo-Kintaki-Meeps, She of the six-legged delights.


✿✿✿ Pnårp’s docile & perfunctory page! ✿✿✿
   ❝It’s docile! It’s perfunctory! It’s phlogistically fantastical! But… is it one of those blog things?❞
    All wrights preserved. No purchase estuary. Lawn gnomes not included. You won’t be disconcerted. Deployed where prohibited by snore.

❤   Pnårp learned this week that the world was still here. Will it ever end?

[ Current entry | Random entry ]
FUCKING GAY STORY IS FUCKING GAY (1.33 / 3) (#71)
by ray eckson on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 04:16:08 PM EST

WHO THE FUCK VOTED +1 FOR THIS SHIT


wampsy: hey ray why don't you start up a site. you could call it ray5.
rusty: I gotta fix that stupid cancel bug.
booger: How's that for daring to get ray eckson all sniffy, you cow?
poopy: Not that I'm gay or anything, but for you I might make an exception.
I don't see your problem, (2.33 / 3) (#72)
by livus on Tue Feb 05, 2008 at 12:12:51 AM EST

This is right up there with MMM's Compleat Gentleman, Ti Dave's DIY abortion and that african goat brain recipe, in terms of advice from k5 that no one in their right mind would take.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
If you question your orientation that much (3.00 / 4) (#73)
by Corwin06 on Tue Feb 05, 2008 at 03:13:46 PM EST

maybe you're gay. (Cue beavis-&-butthead laugh-track "huhuh, gay, huhuhuh")

Or you should wake up, and confront the retarded primates in your social group : the ones who watch all others for signs of gayness, so as to exclude them from their "straight" group (just for a laugh or definitely, depends on their retardation level).
The deeply retarded primates who do that will feel superior and will recall the event at the times it will embarass the "gay" member(s) the most. For laughs. It's just so FUNNY to ostracize and humiliate people!
And the deeply retarded among the victims of such social games will try to avoid social situations with that group in the future.

Sad, pathetic pieces of socially-programmed automatons. I hate it when people act like social MACHINES, predictable to the minutest reaction.

Who wrote that article again... Eavier? Did he ever write anything of value here? Check... Somewhat interesting, although personal, UFO story (that didn't tell me anything I didn't know already) with the words "anal probe". Now, I know that it's the kind of example that just happens when I needed one off the top of one's head, but even that still implies thinking of anally-inserted things first...

See how easy this is? (dances around Eavier, pointing finger) "Eavier is gay! Look, all, we straight! Him gay! GAY! Gay, gay, gay! We good, him bad-GAY!"

GROW
THE
FUCK
UP.

What's the point of a bunch of straight guys watching pr0n when they can't wank, because it's a social game where the point is to frustrate everybody? Tell me, now. WHY can't nyoe say "I don't want to watch pr0n with male friends, because pr0n turns me on and makes me want to orgasm NOW, and ... "

Oh fuck it. Let's leave it at "you're gay, eavier". OF COURSE it's impossible to talk to guys who think like playground boys.

Maybe it's just my Asperger's acting up, though... "People are illogical. You think they're stupid. You won't ever be able to understand them. They all play games all the time with all others, but you're unable to play. Even if you understand (even more so, even), because doing that feels just so useless. You may think you're superior, but that's no sort of compensation for the perpetual sexual frustration you'll live with all your life - Unless you chain a girl to the wall until she develops both capture-bonding and pregnancy, or you meet her online and chat her to the point she falls in love (but in that case she's just as sexy as a truck).

Omigod how I want to be stoned.

"and you sir, in an argument in a thread with a troll in a story no one is reading in a backwater website, you're a fucking genius
--circletimessquare
lol. blood pressure pills ----------> [nt] (none / 1) (#75)
by eavier on Wed Feb 06, 2008 at 12:24:25 AM EST



Whatever you do, don't take it into your house. It's probably full of Greeks. - Vampire Zombie Abu Musab al Zarqawi

Ufology Doktor in da house

[ Parent ]
Congrats. (3.00 / 16) (#74)
by TDS on Tue Feb 05, 2008 at 10:16:45 PM EST

Google ads is convinced.

100% Free Gay Dating
Fit Gay Lads and Men Online Now. 100% Free To Contact Other Members.

And when we die, we will die with our hands unbound. This is why we fight.

be gay and shut up (1.50 / 4) (#76)
by jope on Sat Feb 09, 2008 at 05:47:46 PM EST

If this is intended to be funny: it isn't. If this is serious: seek help.
This "guide" gives the impression that the author is so immature and unsure about sexuality that he shouldn't be watching porn in the first place, let alone together with others.
Please: an empty page would be better than another "guide" like this. Spare us.

i'm gone for two weeks (none / 0) (#77)
by j1mmy on Sun Feb 10, 2008 at 04:49:41 AM EST

and this is the best you people can come up with?

shameful.

My only experience (none / 1) (#78)
by Dikke Lu on Mon Feb 11, 2008 at 07:50:09 AM EST

Well, kind of...

One day, one of my co-workers shows up with a floppy containing a "dirty movie". Since I had the only PC capable of playing that movie (the rest was locked down as per company policy), a couple of guys gather around my desk to watch it.

I start the movie and we watch a 2-minute low-quality clip of a girl having oral sex with a horse.

After the movie, I permanently deleted the file from the hard disc. I wish I could do the same with the memory in my head.
Are you ready for "Den Dikke Lu"?

Gee whiz (3.00 / 4) (#79)
by wji on Mon Feb 11, 2008 at 02:25:46 PM EST

I didn't know you could train a horse to eat pussy!

In conclusion, the Powerpuff Girls are a reactionary, pseudo-feminist enterprise.
[ Parent ]
Ugh. (none / 1) (#80)
by Jambeeno on Wed Feb 13, 2008 at 08:42:06 AM EST

Watching porn in a male pack is imbecilic.  Staying for communal porn-watching only because one fears their friends' questioning of their sexuality means one needs to:

  1. ask why one care whats others think of one's sexuality
  2. reevaluate one's social life & practices
  3. get new friends

Insert the following individuals watching porn together to complete the mental image vaguely given shape by this lackluster article:

http://66.79.163.197/_images/articles/2008/01/21/pic20640.jpg

K5 -- content for insecure little bastages.

Ha! (none / 1) (#81)
by rusty on Thu Feb 14, 2008 at 10:02:50 PM EST

Great picture. Can you imagine the collective outlay in skin cream and hair gel alone there?

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]
Men watching porn together makes no sense today .. (3.00 / 2) (#82)
by Elija on Fri Feb 15, 2008 at 04:17:29 AM EST

but it made sense in the past before everyone had computers and the Internet.

I remember how four of us borrowed a porn tape from a friend of a friend and a video player from a university department, took it to one of our rooms and plugged it into the monitor for that guy's 8- or 16-bit computer and watched the whole thing together. At that time, the tape was illegal, though it was legal when it was made, probably in the 1970s, and would be legal now. It was standard hardcore stuff, explicit but fairly tasteful. Watching it was not at all embarrassing. We talked about it while watching it, complaining about how the women still had their shoes on after removing their underware, suggesting amusing extra bits of dialogue, etc.

Does anyone still make porn that is reasonably tasteful and watchable for more than a few minutes?

And why do the women leave their shoes on?


Clarification please (none / 1) (#84)
by synaesthesia on Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 05:58:47 PM EST

"Seeing another man's erection in RL is gayness."

As opposed to seeing it in your daydreams?

Sausages or cheese?

First post in three years... (none / 0) (#85)
by pla on Sat Mar 01, 2008 at 12:31:38 PM EST

And frontpage articles like this remind me why.

I'll try again in another few years.


A classic moment (3.00 / 3) (#86)
by Haxx on Wed Mar 19, 2008 at 10:28:27 PM EST

 I always thought watching porn with guys is seriously odd. I have been caught up in this situation a  few times.

Here is a moment that pertains to the subject that I will never forget.

In 1996 I was in my first year of my 4 year Military stretch. After boot camp they flew me out to a military communications school for 9 months of training out in the desert in Southern California. The first few months I was stuck in a baracks room with 4 other guys. We were all  very different from different states but we got along just fine until! One typical baracks night a roomate gets a porno in the mail from a friend as a joke. So we pop in the movie and the five of us are watching it. I'm feeling wierd enough about the whole thing when one of the guys points to the youngest member of the crew and asks are you alright dude? So, we all look at Mike who is beet red, lying on his bed, on his stomach, biting his pillow, with his eyeballs popping out of his head.
Someone asks, hey Mike have you ever seen a porno before? With his teeth still in the pillow he shakes his head no. I ask him, Mike, have you ever seen a Penthouse or any other porn mag before? Without taking his eyes off the screen or the pillow out of his mouth he shakes his head no! Apparantly little Mike had never had a girlfriend, never seen a naked woman and here he is watching a cute redhead take it in every hole and loving it. The room erupts in laughter,shock and amazement. I will never forget it. A few days later he was so addicted to watching the porn that we had to throw it out. I guess you can call this a case of small town boy with overprotective mother meets corrupted suburbanites in the desert.

eavier's guide to enjoying straight pr0n in the company of other heterosexual males. | 85 comments (70 topical, 15 editorial, 1 hidden)
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