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Illegal Aliens and FAM (Fajitas Ain't Mezcin)

By JugularVain in Culture
Tue Mar 25, 2008 at 11:07:54 AM EST
Tags: fajitas, tex-mex, narco songs, musica ranchera, longhorns, waterbacks (all tags)

First off, Fajitas are NOT Mexican cuisine. Fajitas are about as Mexican as Swedish Erotica porn flicks are Swedish. In fact, if you travel to the Mexican interior more than a couple hundred miles and try to order fajitas you will be looked at with that deer-in-the-headlights look and sometimes someone that overheard your order will mutter something like "Stupid gringo" under their breath; but then again maybe not.


For one thing, the actual meat in an original-style fajita is skirt steak. The Mexican Spanish word for skirt steak is arracheras. Fajita is the 'spanglish' version of skirt steak. Now, skirt steak is about the toughest meat on a steer you can get. You can cook skirt steak any way you like and you would still end up breaking your jaw chewing on it after 5 minutes.

Somewhere around the 1930s or 1940s when illegal aliens came across the border to work on the huge ranches in West Texas (by huge I mean millions of unfenced square acres. You can get a vague idea of this from the first 30 minutes of the movie "No Country for Old Men"). Part of the workers' payment for working on the ranch was when a steer was butchered and the Mexican workers were given the toughest pieces of meat.

So how do you make skirt steak edible? I have my own recipe but the main idea here is to:


  1. Pound the hell out of it with a meat tenderizer, this breaks down the toughest fibers. Then...
  2. Marinade it for at least 12 hours which also breaks down the tough fibers by 'pre-cooking' so-to-speak.

The above is critical, which is why you won't find it in most restaurants that have it on the menu. What they do have is this awful tasting chicken fajitas or regular steak fajitas...YUCK. If you want Bar-B-Q chicken order Bar-B-Q chicken. If you want a steak go to an expensive restaurant and order a real steak like a Porterhouse. But if you want to eat a real fajita start out by doing it right or don't do it at all.

The marinade...

The Mexican cowboys probably used lots of lime juice or vinegar to marinade the meat a day or so. My marinade is a cup of concentrated lime juice and a cup of anejo tequila or mezcal. Throw it all in one of those plastic cooking bags and throw it in the refrigerator until the next afternoon (12-16 hrs) and turn it every now and then in between bags of Doritos, Dos Equis beer and ESPN commercials. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, while you are outside tending the grill you should listen to this station in Ojinaga, Chihuahua on the radio or from the Internet.

Now the tough part for most people reading this is collecting the best wood to grill this on a Bar-B-Que. The classic wood for this is mesquite wood. If you don't know what mesquite wood is that's OK. Any wood from that family of trees/bushes will do. One species or another grows all over the world and some places more than others. Mesquite wood is very hard and imparts a flavor that is exquisite to the meat. When it burns down to coals it is very hot. If you have native wood that meets those two requirements then you are good to go.

So, without going into some ghey Iron Chef recipe this will have to do. Besides, beyond marinating the skirt steak, it's mainly a throw together meal, after which desert should be a nice fat cigar, a double shot of anejo tequila and  splendid oral sex from your significant other.

After all, you are going after the money shot aren't you?

Well then, 'nough said.

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Illegal Aliens and FAM (Fajitas Ain't Mezcin) | 46 comments (37 topical, 9 editorial, 0 hidden)
anyway (3.00 / 4) (#1)
by circletimessquare on Sun Mar 23, 2008 at 12:45:23 AM EST

you ever have corn smut aka huitlacoche aka mexican truffle aka raven's excrement?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corn_smut

vile disease in the usa, previous delicacy in mexico


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

CTS (2.00 / 3) (#2)
by JugularVain on Sun Mar 23, 2008 at 12:50:23 AM EST

your comments and submissions are brilliant.

Including this...

[ Parent ]

Corn smut (none / 1) (#3)
by ksandstr on Sun Mar 23, 2008 at 06:02:29 AM EST

Isn't that what british farmers receive in unmarked envelopes?

Fin.
[ Parent ]
Brilla Rodriquez's marinade (3.00 / 5) (#5)
by sudogeek on Sun Mar 23, 2008 at 02:25:31 PM EST

From the mother of a one time student of mine in San Antonio - I still use it today:

1/2 cup red wine vinegar
1/2 cup olive oil
1/2 cup lime juice
1/4 cup plata ("silver") tequila
1/4 cup pineapple juice
1 tbsp chopped jalapeno pepper
1 tbsp chopped garlic cloves
1 tbsp chopped cilantro
1 tbsp salt
1 tsp black pepper
1 tsp ground cumin

Pound the meat with a mallet. Curl it up and put it in a Ball/Mason jar. Pour in the marinade. Allow to sit at room temperature in the dark at least 24 hours. (Her abuela used to bury the jars.) Grill with onions and Bell peppers, liberally applying the marinade throughout the cooking. Slice and serve with fresh tortillas, guacamole, and pico de gallo.

The key to a proper marinade for a cheap cut of meat like "skirt steak" is an acid pH. The pineapple juice provides further acid, enzymes, and sweetness.

You're an arrogant, condescending, ignorant dipshit. - trhurler

an excellent recipe (none / 0) (#6)
by JugularVain on Sun Mar 23, 2008 at 03:17:58 PM EST

for marinade.

Thanks

[ Parent ]

get your enzymes fresh (none / 0) (#46)
by Sacrifice on Tue Apr 01, 2008 at 03:30:09 PM EST

Fresh pineapple (and papaya) have some monster meat-tenderizing enzyme.  Eat enough fresh pineapple and the flesh practically melts off the inside your mouth.

There is hardly any functional enzyme left in canned pineapple.

[ Parent ]

+1 (none / 0) (#7)
by l1ttledrummerb0y2 on Sun Mar 23, 2008 at 03:18:32 PM EST

thinking about fajitas got me through this godawful hangover. Thank you.

i'm sure this will dump but (none / 1) (#8)
by JugularVain on Sun Mar 23, 2008 at 03:28:39 PM EST

i wish scoop could get fixed so that if you are in auto format mode or html mode that the line break bug would get fixed.

ALSO, FIX THE GOD DAMN CANCEL SUBMISSION ISSUE!!!

GEEZUS FUCKIN' CHRIST ALREADY! IT'S BEEN BROKE FOR AT LEAST 9 MONTHS!

fuckin (none / 0) (#25)
by ray eckson on Mon Mar 24, 2008 at 01:04:49 PM EST

lol


wampsy: hey ray why don't you start up a site. you could call it ray5.
rusty: I gotta fix that stupid cancel bug.
booger: How's that for daring to get ray eckson all sniffy, you cow?
poopy: Not that I'm gay or anything, but for you I might make an exception.
[ Parent ]
Terry.$ (3.00 / 2) (#10)
by Zombie Virginia Tech Student on Sun Mar 23, 2008 at 04:21:40 PM EST


"Have you ever tried to fuck a monkey? They don't like it and tend not to stand still." - rpresser
ror (1.50 / 4) (#11)
by JugularVain on Sun Mar 23, 2008 at 04:35:02 PM EST

teh winnar!

sent email to jugularvain | AT | myway | DOT | com

if you want it.

[ Parent ]

Pfft..i told you this was you long ago... (none / 0) (#15)
by dakini on Mon Mar 24, 2008 at 02:58:25 AM EST



" May your vision be clear, your heart strong, and may you always follow your dreams."
[ Parent ]
yeah but you, me, and Unski don't count (none / 0) (#28)
by livus on Mon Mar 24, 2008 at 06:49:58 PM EST

as we're all pretty much experts at spotting these dupes.

I have to say I thought he was going to post a story with another one though.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]

you have no idea what/who your talking (none / 0) (#30)
by dakini on Mon Mar 24, 2008 at 07:32:03 PM EST

about livus..get your facts straight!!

" May your vision be clear, your heart strong, and may you always follow your dreams."
[ Parent ]
wishful thinking on yr part. n (none / 0) (#35)
by livus on Mon Mar 24, 2008 at 10:04:22 PM EST



---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
s/ going to post/ going to submit. n (none / 0) (#37)
by livus on Tue Mar 25, 2008 at 12:02:22 AM EST



---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
Give it to Dakini (none / 0) (#41)
by Zombie Virginia Tech Student on Tue Mar 25, 2008 at 10:36:15 AM EST

Besides, This came first.
"Have you ever tried to fuck a monkey? They don't like it and tend not to stand still." - rpresser
[ Parent ]
Nooooo...it is yours. (none / 0) (#42)
by dakini on Tue Mar 25, 2008 at 01:52:13 PM EST



" May your vision be clear, your heart strong, and may you always follow your dreams."
[ Parent ]
Yum (none / 1) (#13)
by b1t r0t on Sun Mar 23, 2008 at 07:03:31 PM EST

This is why I never want to move outside of the Austin/San Antonio area. Fajitas at Taco Cabana with a fuckton of pickled jalapeno slices, fuck yeah.

-- Indymedia: the fanfiction.net of journalism.
I just moved to San Antonio about 6 months ago (none / 0) (#40)
by curien on Tue Mar 25, 2008 at 07:04:23 AM EST

Taco Cabana is the best thing EVAR!

Well, not really. I grew up in CA, and I miss the style of burritos they have there. But Taco Cabana's still pretty damn good (and there's on two blocks from my house).

--
Murder your babies. -- R Mutt
[ Parent ]

-1: Lady 3Jane would not approve. (2.00 / 2) (#14)
by LilDebbie Lover on Sun Mar 23, 2008 at 11:07:42 PM EST

sage

Signature of Disutility:
* Jedi Warrior Betrayal
* Emo Jedi Warrior Betrayal
* Betrayal of Aalya Secura
* Death of Spartan 117
* Enslavement of Man
* Humanity's Destruction
* Rise of the Horde

Also:
* "ALL I REQUIRE IS A PURPLE MARKER" ~LilDebbie
* "I'm straight but I like having sex with men" ~xC0000005
odd but (none / 0) (#34)
by JugularVain on Mon Mar 24, 2008 at 08:56:54 PM EST

Lady 3Jane voted it up.

[ Parent ]
I Approve Of This Meat (3.00 / 3) (#16)
by GhostOfTiber on Mon Mar 24, 2008 at 07:40:38 AM EST

However, I would also recommend soaking it in whole milk (or cream) for an hour, then rinsing it, then going with the marinade your way. It'll put a bit of fat back in there so that it's not quite so dry.

But then again, that may be your thing.

[Nimey's] wife's ass is my cocksheath. - undermyne

Thou Shalt Not Boil a Kid In Its Mothers Milk! (none / 0) (#18)
by rpresser on Mon Mar 24, 2008 at 09:39:28 AM EST

nor mix milchig and fleishig at any time.

Old habits die hard. Just the thought of cooking beef with milk or cream makes me want to puke. (Cheese, on the other hand, does not. I love cheeseburgers, as anyone who's seen me would guess.)
------------
"In terms of both hyperbolic overreaching and eventual wrongness, the Permanent [Republican] Majority has set a new, and truly difficult to beat, standard." --rusty
[ Parent ]

MARINATE, NOT COOK (none / 0) (#21)
by GhostOfTiber on Mon Mar 24, 2008 at 10:28:52 AM EST

It gives it a smoother texture (not as fibery, which is good on a tough cut like skirt), it's probably got less salt and fat than cheese, and it would help break down the fibers at a chemical level after you beat the shit out of it with your meat-hammer.

[Nimey's] wife's ass is my cocksheath. - undermyne
[ Parent ]

Not 2 b mentioning... (3.00 / 3) (#23)
by BJH on Mon Mar 24, 2008 at 12:10:27 PM EST

...pounding the shit out of your meathammer in the context of food, OK?
--
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
-- Oscar Levant

[ Parent ]
but we're talking about skirt (none / 1) (#24)
by GhostOfTiber on Mon Mar 24, 2008 at 12:15:18 PM EST

you pound your meathammer to... pants if you know what I mean?

[Nimey's] wife's ass is my cocksheath. - undermyne
[ Parent ]

neck chops. n (none / 0) (#36)
by livus on Mon Mar 24, 2008 at 11:55:14 PM EST



---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
-1 "authenticity" snobbery (3.00 / 3) (#17)
by chlorus on Mon Mar 24, 2008 at 08:36:34 AM EST

i'm really not interested if the food i'm eating is historically accurate down to the farming methods that the aztecs used 20,000 years ago. if i like what i'm eating, that's good enough for me, and i'll leave the handwringing to douchebags like you.

"I always enter a thread butt naked." -

SRSLY (none / 1) (#22)
by Hiphopopotamus on Mon Mar 24, 2008 at 10:44:17 AM EST

How white can this guy possibly be? There's no street cred for your food when it hits the bowl a fews hours later.
_________________

I'm In LOVE!
[ Parent ]

You fucking suck (2.60 / 5) (#19)
by undermyne on Mon Mar 24, 2008 at 10:15:35 AM EST

This article fails it on every possible level. That marinade is shit, completely uninspired. If you like shoe leather then go eat a fucking shoe.

As well, the critical part of preparing skirt steak is HOW YOU FUCKING CUT IT. Cut it wrong and you may as well be eating rubber bands (but since you dig shoe leather that isnt suprising).

Lime, cider vinegar, soy sauce, garlic, chili powder and a can of coke. When its done marinating, reduce the marinade and add tequilla and then use to glaze the meat. Sear then cook to medium rare. Slice against the grain of the meat, serve with FRESH TORTILLAS MOTHERFUCKER. Homemade pico, pint of dos equis amber.

Fucking noob, go die in a fire.



"who in his right mind would hand over political power of an entire country, armed with nuclear weapons, to someone with a clitoris?" -
As well.. (1.50 / 1) (#20)
by undermyne on Mon Mar 24, 2008 at 10:25:43 AM EST

dessert is spelled with 2 letters s and we don't want to hear about what you and your boyfriend do after cigars and tequilla.

And you probably drink Cuervo, puta.



"who in his right mind would hand over political power of an entire country, armed with nuclear weapons, to someone with a clitoris?" - Parent ]
Burritos aren't Mexican either (none / 1) (#27)
by MichaelCrawford on Mon Mar 24, 2008 at 02:10:19 PM EST

I understand that flour tortillas are what the Mexican workers came up with when working for Anglos, who grow wheat instead of corn. The gluten in the flour makes the tortilla more robust, so a burrito can hold together for extended periods of time, and therefore be taken to work for lunch.


--
Looking for some free songs?


-1 (3.00 / 2) (#39)
by Psycho Dave on Tue Mar 25, 2008 at 02:43:16 AM EST

Sort of half-assed for a article whose only point is that fajitas aren't authentic Mexican food (protip: most "Mexican" food we consume in this country isn't really all that Mexican).

Either post a recipe for authentic (or in-authentic) fajitas or put this foodie-emo article in the diary section where it belongs.

macaroni and cheese... (none / 0) (#43)
by mikelist on Tue Mar 25, 2008 at 04:18:18 PM EST

...saeems to be pretty common mexican american fare. i used to eat lunch with about fifteen mexicans from zacateca, on their dime. they brought an enormous stack of tortillas, and a pan with meat, beans, and either potatoes or pasta, sometimes some pico de gallo or salsa, sometimes not. cheese once in a while.

real mexican food is what real mexicans eat when they have the choice. if that means mcdonald's then that's mexican food. mexicans do not all wear straw sombreros and drape a serape over their shoulder, many dress and eat in a similar manner to everyone everywhere.

you are right in one way, when you visit another country or seek out an authentic restaurant of that type, you should try authentic dishes.lomo de res is my particular fave, or a big plate of barbacoa and tortillas, or carnitas tacos. i read and unsuccessfully tried the barbacoa recipe i found on k5 a while back.

[ Parent ]

I try to eat where the Mexicans go. (none / 0) (#44)
by Psycho Dave on Tue Mar 25, 2008 at 07:03:45 PM EST

That usually means at taquerias where the menu is mostly in Spanish. They are typically much better and much cheaper than gringo-fied Mexican food.

When I went to Mexico, they had tons of Chinese restaurants and pizza places, as well as pretty much every fast food restaurant you can find in the states except Taco Bell. I really need to ask a Mexican person what they think of Taco Bell. The crunchwrap supreme seem like some strange, post-modern abomination to them, since it sure does to me.

They're great when you're stoned though.

[ Parent ]

Taco bell failed miserably. (none / 0) (#45)
by V on Wed Mar 26, 2008 at 08:11:32 AM EST

In the city where I used to live.

I can't comment on the taste because there's no fucking point going to taco bell when  in every corner there are better tacos.

V.
---
What my fans are saying:
"That, and the fact that V is a total, utter scumbag." VZAMaZ.
"well look up little troll" cts.
"I think you're a worthless little cuntmonkey but you made me lol, so I sigged you." re
"goodness gracious you're an idiot" mariahkillschickens
[ Parent ]

Illegal Aliens and FAM (Fajitas Ain't Mezcin) | 46 comments (37 topical, 9 editorial, 0 hidden)
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