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[P]
MAC AND CHEESE

By j1mmy in Culture
Wed Aug 13, 2008 at 10:57:54 PM EST
Tags: sodomy (all tags)

YOU THINK YOU KNOW MAC AND CHEESE

NO YOU DO NOT

WELL MAYBE YOU DO

HERE IS HOW IT GOES DOWN


YOU WILL NEED EQUAL PARTS CHEESE AND MILK

ONE CUP OF EACH PER TWELVE OUNCES OF NOODLES IS REASONABLE

YOU WILL NEED THREE TABLESPOONS OF BUTTER AND FLOUR FOR EACH CUP OF MILK

MELT THE BUTTER IN A POT OVER MEDIUM HEAT

MEDIUM HEAT ONLY

IF YOU HAVE THE HEAT TOO HIGH YOUR BUTTER WILL TURN INTO A MONSTER AND KILL YOU

HAS THE BUTTER HAS MELTED YET

HAS IT

OKAY ADD THE FLOUR AND MIX IT UP WELL

ITS GOING TO BE GOOEY AND UGLY LIKE YOUR MOM

AFTER THE MIXTURE HAS DARKENED ADD THE MILK

MIX IT UP REAL GOOD

USE A WHISK

YOU BETTER HAVE A WHISK OR ELSE

CONTINUE COOKING THE MIXTURE UNTIL IT THICKENS A BIT

WHILE THAT IS GOING CHOP UP YOUR CHEESE

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO GRATE IT

GRATING IS A WASTE OF YOUR TIME

SO IS BREATHING

I LIKE MEDIUM CHEDDAR AND MONTEREY JACK

YOU CAN USE MOST ANY CHEESE YOU WANT

ADD THE CHEESE TO THE THICKENED MIXTURE AND STIR LIBERALLY

THE CHEESE HAS TO MELT

CONTINUE COOKING THE MIXTURE OVER MEDIUM LOW HEAT

STIR OCCASIONALLY TO KEEP THE SURFACE FROM COAGULATING

NOW IS A GOOD TIME TO ADD SPICES

SALT IS ALWAYS GOOD

IF YOU LIKE IT SPICY ADD SOME RED PEPPER OR CURRY POWDER

OR USE A SPICY CHEESE IN THE FIRST PLACE

THAT WOULD HAVE MADE SENSE WOULDN'T IT

USE YOUR BRAIN NEXT TIME

SO YES LET THAT COOK

BOIL WATER IN ANOTHER POT FOR THE NOODLES

THIS MAY TAKE A WHILE

IS IT BOILING YET

YES IT IS THAT IS GOOD

CHECK ON THE CHEESE SAUCE

IF IT IS TOO THIN FOR YOUR LIKING STIR IN SOME MORE FLOUR

ADD NOODLES TO THE BOILING WATER AND COOK THEM

ABOUT TEN MINUTES OR WHATEVER

HEY LOOK AT THAT THE NOODLES ARE READY

STRAIN THE NOODLES AND PUT THEM IN A LARGE BOWL

GRADUALLY ADD THE CHEESE SAUCE TO THE NOODLES

STIR AS YOU GO

STIR IT REAL GOOD

YES LIKE THAT

OKAY YOU NOW HAVE MAC AND CHEESE

ENJOY YOUR MEAL

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MAC AND CHEESE | 37 comments (34 topical, 3 editorial, 0 hidden)
+1, I rorred in spots (3.00 / 3) (#1)
by debillitatus on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 10:48:19 AM EST

I wish all recipes were written in this style.

Damn you and your daily doubles, you brigand!

I WRITE ALL RECIPES IN THIS STYLE (3.00 / 2) (#10)
by j1mmy on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 12:57:20 PM EST

PAY ATTENTION

[ Parent ]
WELL THEN I NEED A RECIPE FOR CHICKEN (3.00 / 2) (#14)
by debillitatus on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 12:59:52 PM EST

TIKKA MASALA

Damn you and your daily doubles, you brigand!
[ Parent ]

if you are going to be retarded (3.00 / 3) (#2)
by circletimessquare on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 10:54:35 AM EST

for the sake of humor, you have to go full retard

which is actually kind of hard, as most people retain some level of unretardedness unconsciously when they try to act retarded

but no, this shit is full retard

so +1 fp


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

The only way it could be more retarded (3.00 / 6) (#3)
by Nimey on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 10:57:11 AM EST

is for it to have been in all lowercase instead.
--
Never mind, it was just the dog cumming -- jandev
You Sir, are an Ignorant Motherfucker. -- Crawford
I am arguably too manic to do that. -- Crawford
I already fuck my mother -- trane
Nimey is right -- Blastard
i am in complete agreement with Nimey -- i am a pretty big deal

[ Parent ]
YES MY THINKING EXACTLY (3.00 / 2) (#5)
by circletimessquare on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 11:10:58 AM EST



The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]
You have to bake it afterwards. (2.00 / 3) (#4)
by rpresser on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 11:03:14 AM EST

It's no good unless there's almost-burnt brown stuff around the edges.
------------
"In terms of both hyperbolic overreaching and eventual wrongness, the Permanent [Republican] Majority has set a new, and truly difficult to beat, standard." --rusty
I AM NOT A RACIST BUT (2.75 / 4) (#11)
by j1mmy on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 12:57:47 PM EST

I DO NOT LIKE BROWN STUFF

[ Parent ]
RACIST, YOU (none / 0) (#23)
by Hiphopopotamus on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 11:24:48 PM EST

FAGGOT
_________________

I'm In LOVE!
[ Parent ]

that was (3.00 / 2) (#6)
by nononoitaintmebabe on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 11:16:00 AM EST

krafty.

no wonder you're so fat (3.00 / 5) (#7)
by Lady 3Jane on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 11:23:46 AM EST

lay off the carbs, landfill

8====================================================================D ~~
8 Please enjoy a male chorus, All of us will become human rifles and bombs!
8 This is offensive. Fix your site Rusty you have to -- The Honorable Edwin Lister
8 Please enjoy a male chorus, All of us will become human rifles and bombs!
8====================================================================D ~~
THIS SPACE FOR RENT
     _
  __|_\_
=u__.-.__) - BOW DOWN BEFORE THE TELEVISION MADE FLESH © 2012
   /_/


I HAVE RUN 12 MILES THIS WEEK (3.00 / 3) (#12)
by j1mmy on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 12:58:30 PM EST

WHAT IS YOUR EXCUSE

[ Parent ]
SEE MY DIARY TODAY FAGGOT % (none / 1) (#16)
by Lady 3Jane on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 01:41:46 PM EST



8====================================================================D ~~
8 Please enjoy a male chorus, All of us will become human rifles and bombs!
8 This is offensive. Fix your site Rusty you have to -- The Honorable Edwin Lister
8 Please enjoy a male chorus, All of us will become human rifles and bombs!
8====================================================================D ~~
THIS SPACE FOR RENT
     _
  __|_\_
=u__.-.__) - BOW DOWN BEFORE THE TELEVISION MADE FLESH © 2012
   /_/


[ Parent ]
We run 500 miles (none / 0) (#32)
by United Fools on Fri Aug 15, 2008 at 02:46:13 PM EST

in Second Life. So there!

We are united, we are fools, and we are America!
[ Parent ]
+1FP Excellent (3.00 / 2) (#8)
by Stick Apart on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 11:37:20 AM EST

except this line fails it
"ITS GOING TO BE GOOEY AND UGLY LIKE YOUR MOM"
-------
JOIN THE RAY ECKSON CLUB
THE TRUTH HURTS (1.50 / 2) (#13)
by j1mmy on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 12:58:55 PM EST

DOES IT NOT

[ Parent ]
ALSO IT IS MISSING A FOOD TAG (3.00 / 2) (#9)
by Stick Apart on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 11:41:52 AM EST

PLEASE REPOST TO DIARY IF IT GETS DUMPED WITH MY SUGGESTIONS
ESPECIALLY THE FOOD TAG
-------
JOIN THE RAY ECKSON CLUB
Serving suggestion (3.00 / 5) (#15)
by rusty on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 01:36:26 PM EST

This article is best read in the voice of R. Lee Ermey.

____
Not the real rusty
Then it needs more profanity (none / 1) (#17)
by Harry B Otch on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 01:52:38 PM EST

and gratuitous references to gay sex acts just like...er, pretty much everything else on k5 has.

-----
when you're on the cutting edge of language evolution, you're just stupid - Linux or
[
Parent ]

Everything i ever read has that already (none / 1) (#26)
by daveybaby on Wed Aug 13, 2008 at 06:45:03 AM EST

thanks to the incessant voices in my head.

[ Parent ]
Flour? FLOUR? (none / 1) (#18)
by khallow on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 02:37:49 PM EST

What's the deal with putting flour in your mac and cheese? That's what those church ladies do for the potluck dinners. My take, two parts cheese to one part milk. The cheese can be anything shredded, making a bit of it parmesian helps. And FWIW I use olive oil instead of butter. I cook the noodles and mix the cheese and milk directly in after I drain the noodles. I like using oregano, garlic, pepper, and occasionally chili powder.

Stating the obvious since 1969.

Sounds runny (3.00 / 3) (#19)
by rusty on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 05:17:40 PM EST

Flour + hot fat (i.e. melted butter) + cooking == roux. A roux is a standard sauce thickener, suitable for many high-class dishes, not just church lady casserole. And if you do it right, it doesn't taste like flour.

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]
mac and jizz (2.33 / 3) (#20)
by lostincali on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 06:48:42 PM EST


"The least busy day [at McDonalds] is Monday, and then sales increase throughout the week, I guess as enthusiasm for life dwindles."

MAKE IT AMERICAN (3.00 / 2) (#21)
by loteck on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 07:26:55 PM EST

ADD IN ONE OR TWO CHOPPED UP LINKS OF YOUR FAVORITE MYSTERY MEAT
--
"You're in tune to the musical sound of loteck hi-fi, the musical sound that moves right round. Keep on moving ya'll." -Mylakovich
"WHAT AN ETERNAL MOBIUS STRIP OF FELLATIATIC BANALITY THIS IS." -Harry B Otch

BACON. (none / 1) (#27)
by daveybaby on Wed Aug 13, 2008 at 06:46:28 AM EST

Also add loads more cheese on top and bake it in the oven for half an hour. This way it will kill you quicker.

[ Parent ]
Bacon (none / 1) (#28)
by bodza on Wed Aug 13, 2008 at 08:01:01 AM EST

Not just for breakfast anymore
--
"Civilization will not attain to its perfection until the last stone from the last church falls on the last priest." - Émile Zola

[ Parent ]
EVOCATIVE (3.00 / 5) (#22)
by LilDebbie on Tue Aug 12, 2008 at 07:56:44 PM EST

POWERFUL

EROTIC

My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden.
- hugin -

really, really good $ (none / 1) (#29)
by th0m on Wed Aug 13, 2008 at 05:21:18 PM EST



milk? (none / 1) (#30)
by dilinger on Thu Aug 14, 2008 at 02:28:47 PM EST

Blech.  Where's the vegan version?  Nutritional Yeast ftw!

Use soy or rice milk as a substitute. & (none / 0) (#34)
by Calalily on Mon Aug 18, 2008 at 02:03:32 PM EST



We are maggots tunneling through a rotting corpse. QuantumFoam
[ Parent ]
maybe (none / 0) (#36)
by j1mmy on Fri Aug 29, 2008 at 12:01:40 AM EST

milk is used for it's fat content. soy and rice milk won't cream up the same way. you could try one of these and add some extra flour and some cornstarch. otherwise you'll have a really runny sauce.

[ Parent ]
this shit made me hungry // (none / 0) (#33)
by The Hanged Man on Fri Aug 15, 2008 at 11:27:08 PM EST


-------------

Dificile est saturam non scribere - Juvenal
NEEDS PINK PEPPERCORNS! (none / 1) (#35)
by Wain on Thu Aug 21, 2008 at 11:40:36 AM EST



Just made this. (none / 0) (#37)
by Scott Robinson on Thu Dec 17, 2009 at 02:33:54 AM EST

Three friends and myself. We took the result and baked it at 350 for 30 minutes to a delicious conclusion.

Every line of the recipe was recited by someone, "in uppercase."

THANKS OK!

MAC AND CHEESE | 37 comments (34 topical, 3 editorial, 0 hidden)
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