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RISOTTO

By j1mmy in Culture
Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 12:21:42 AM EST
Tags: sodomy (all tags)

RISOTTO IS NOT THAT HARD

IF YOU THINK IT IS HARD THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU

RISOTTO REQUIRES BOTH PATIENCE AND RICE

IF YOU HAVE NEITHER GO TO HELL


YOU NEED A STOVE

HEAT A POT OF WATER ON THE STOVE

YES I AM SERIOUS

USE THE STOVE

YOU DO NOT NEED TO BOIL THE WATER

JUST GET IT HOT AND STEAMY UNLIKE YOUR MOTHER

NOW HEAT SOME OLIVE OIL IN A FRYING PAN OVER MEDIUM HEAT

THIS FAT IS WHAT HOLDS YOUR RISOTTO TOGETHER

USE EXTRA VIRGIN FAT LIKE YOURSELF

DO NOT USE WHORE FAT LIKE YOUR MOTHER

MINCE AND FRY SOME ONION

YOU CAN ADD SOME OTHER MINCED VEGETABLES IF YOU WANT

YOU CAN ALSO ADD GROUND MEAT IF YOU LIKE KILLING ANIMALS

I JUST LIKE KILLING PEOPLE

WITH KINDNESS

DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE

HEY YOU SHOULD BE PAYING MORE ATTENTION TO YOUR FOOD

YOUR ONIONS ARE GOING TO BURN

ADD A BUNCH OF ARBORIO RICE TO THE FRYING PAN

IT IS SHORT GRAIN RICE

THE GRAINS SHOULD NOT BE MUCH LARGER THAN YOUR DONG

DO NOT PLACE YOUR DONG IN THE FRYING PAN YET

ADD MORE OLIVE OIL AND SOME WHITE WINE WITH THE RICE

STIR IT UP UNTIL THE RICE IS COATED IN THE EXTRA VIRGIN FAT

HAS THE WINE BOILED OFF YET

HAS IT

WAIT DID YOU USE ACTUAL WINE OR COOKING WINE

WHY WOULD YOU COOK WITH A WINE YOU WOULD NOT DRINK

THAT IS JUST STUPID

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU

HEY PAY ATTENTION THE WINE HAS BOILED OFF

START ADDING WATER FROM THE POT

ADD A LITTLE AT A TIME

THEN STIR

TAKE A SWIG OF WINE

THEN WAIT FOR IT TO GET ABSORBED

I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE WATER IN THE RICE

NOT ABOUT THE WINE IN YOUR EXTRA VIRGIN FAT

REPEAT UNTIL THE RISOTTO IS DONE

YOU CAN TELL WHEN THE RISOTTO IS DONE BECAUSE IT WILL TASTE AWESOME

USE OF SALT AND PEPPER CAN MAKE IT TASTE MORE AWESOME

IF YOUR RISOTTO DOES NOT TASTE AWESOME YOU ARE AN EXTRA VIRGIN FAILURE

KEEP YOUR DONG OUT OF THE FRYING PAN NEXT TIME

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RISOTTO | 35 comments (28 topical, 7 editorial, 0 hidden)
Short grain rice are you out of your mind? (3.00 / 5) (#2)
by livus on Sat Oct 03, 2009 at 08:35:25 PM EST

ARBORIO RICE

if you're going to be a snob about the wine then the least you can do is get the rice right.

Hmm and don't stir it with your dong unless you're circumcised.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

western bias against short grain rice (3.00 / 3) (#8)
by N0574 on Sun Oct 04, 2009 at 07:06:31 AM EST

is biased. Here in TW we have several varieties of short grain rice so good they'd bring tears to your eyes. They are organic too, and I hear there are japs who love it so much they can hardly eat anything else.

- NCCTG N0574 CANCER PROTOCOL
[ Parent ]
AND I SUPPOSE YOU USE BONE MARROW (3.00 / 12) (#10)
by j1mmy on Sun Oct 04, 2009 at 07:54:38 AM EST

AND SAFFRON

YOU ARE THE ELITIST SNOB

NOT ME

MY RECIPE IS FOR THE PROLETARIAT

POWER TO THE PEOPLE

[ Parent ]

The one with the bone marrow and saffron (3.00 / 3) (#12)
by sausalito on Sun Oct 04, 2009 at 10:14:10 AM EST

is the Milanese risotto. I know cause I live in Milan now and had it a few times. You need to user broth too, not water. It tastes great.

One more thing nigger. The risotto needs butter as well as olive oil. I swear it does. Don't ask me why but it does. Perhaps because risotto is from Northern Italy, where people use both oil and butter, not exclusively oil like in the South.

Mix the two or add the oil at the end and do the frying with the butter.

_____________

GBH - "The whole point is that the App Store acts as a firewall between busy soccer moms and goatse links"
[ Parent ]

No butter at the beginning (3.00 / 2) (#25)
by glowing tits on Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 08:29:54 AM EST

I think oil takes up the thermal punishment better than butter. At least I know that butter that has been heated too much for too long does not taste good.

I start with oil for the vegetables or other shit then add butter only when I stop cooking the risotto, and before serving. A nice addition for most risotto is to add parmesana at the end, but you should get real parmesana not cheap shit and grate it just before serving.

[ Parent ]

yuo (none / 1) (#32)
by livus on Sat Oct 10, 2009 at 09:50:33 PM EST

I don't even make risotto any more, just red beans and rice.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
ARBORIO RICE IS SHORT GRAIN NIGGER (3.00 / 3) (#31)
by Ruston Rustov on Sat Oct 10, 2009 at 12:57:40 AM EST


I had had incurable open sores all over my feet for sixteen years. The doctors were powerless to do anything about it. I told my psychiatrist that they were psychosomatic Stigmata - the Stigmata are the wounds Jesus suffered when he was nailed to the cross. Three days later all my sores were gone. -- Michael Crawford
Maybe tomorrow. -- Michael Crawford
As soon as she has her first period, fuck your daughter. -- localroger

[ Parent ]
Yeah but it's also FAT (none / 1) (#33)
by livus on Sat Oct 10, 2009 at 09:55:31 PM EST

like your mother's cock.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
a woman with cock is exalted over all other women (3.00 / 2) (#34)
by Ruston Rustov on Sat Oct 10, 2009 at 11:20:05 PM EST

If what you say is true, my mother stands only slightly behind Mary in Heaven, and gives blowjobs to Moses and the prophets.

I had had incurable open sores all over my feet for sixteen years. The doctors were powerless to do anything about it. I told my psychiatrist that they were psychosomatic Stigmata - the Stigmata are the wounds Jesus suffered when he was nailed to the cross. Three days later all my sores were gone. -- Michael Crawford
Maybe tomorrow. -- Michael Crawford
As soon as she has her first period, fuck your daughter. -- localroger

[ Parent ]
So when do I put my dick (3.00 / 3) (#3)
by Del Griffith on Sat Oct 03, 2009 at 11:03:24 PM EST

into the rice?

Also why can't we have step numbers?

Like happy little GOTO statements???

PS, this didn't compile in FORTRAN 66 or 77. :|

-------
I...I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. Because I'm the real article. What you see is what you get. - Me


TRY COBOL (nt) (3.00 / 5) (#5)
by b1t r0t on Sat Oct 03, 2009 at 11:33:16 PM EST



-- Indymedia: the fanfiction.net of journalism.
[ Parent ]
delicious prose recipe (3.00 / 3) (#7)
by N0574 on Sun Oct 04, 2009 at 05:24:27 AM EST

I'm actually hungry now, but will probably go the fried rice route since I'm out of wine. Wait, what happens if I substitute w/rice wine...?

- NCCTG N0574 CANCER PROTOCOL
YOU WILL GET DRUNK (3.00 / 2) (#9)
by j1mmy on Sun Oct 04, 2009 at 07:53:21 AM EST

I APPROVE

[ Parent ]
rice is constipating, it also makes you yellow$ (3.00 / 3) (#11)
by mirko on Sun Oct 04, 2009 at 10:03:54 AM EST


--
Finally I managed to make the decision that I would work on it. - MDC
we had to huddle together - trane
DOES ONE WEAR A RISOTTO HAT? (3.00 / 5) (#14)
by MichaelCrawford on Sun Oct 04, 2009 at 02:43:45 PM EST

WHEN YOU TOLD US HOW TO MAKE PASTA YOU TOLD US TO PUT ON OUR PASTA HATS. WHY IS RISOTTO DIFFERENT?


--

Live your fucking life. Sue someone on the Internet. Write a fucking music player. Like the great man Michael David Crawford has shown us all: Hard work, a strong will to stalk, and a few fries short of a happy meal goes a long way. -- bride of spidy


bit weird using boiling water instead of stock $ (3.00 / 3) (#15)
by th0m on Sun Oct 04, 2009 at 03:39:56 PM EST



STOCKS ARE DOWN WITH THE ECONOMY (3.00 / 8) (#16)
by j1mmy on Sun Oct 04, 2009 at 05:34:03 PM EST

WATER IS BEST IN THESE TRYING TIMES

[ Parent ]
PROTIP (3.00 / 5) (#17)
by LilDebbie on Sun Oct 04, 2009 at 11:36:00 PM EST

BROWN CHICKEN

THAT MEANS COOK THE CHICKEN IN A MEDIUM PAN

NOT NIGGER CHICKEN

COLLECT THE DRIPPINGS AND MIX THAT WITH YOUR EXTRA VIRGIN FAT FOR YOUR RISOTTO

CHOP THE CHICKEN AND TOSS IT WITH THE RISOTTO AND VEGETABLES

CHOP YOUR DONG AND BROWN IT IN THE FRYING PAN

NOTE AGAIN THAT DOES NOT MEAN NIGGER DONG

My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden.
- hugin -

front page can't get any shittier (3.00 / 7) (#18)
by rhiannon on Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 02:46:18 AM EST

I'm going to try this next week.

-----------------------------------------
I continued to rebuff the advances... so many advances... of so many attractive women. -MC
Try what-- (none / 1) (#24)
by Harry B Otch on Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 08:11:52 AM EST

Making risotto or shitting in the queue?  Actually, they're not mutually exclusive things.

-----
The President's job is not to wield power but to draw attention away from it - Douglas Adams
[ Parent ]

both (none / 1) (#30)
by rhiannon on Wed Oct 07, 2009 at 06:15:03 PM EST



-----------------------------------------
I continued to rebuff the advances... so many advances... of so many attractive women. -MC
[ Parent ]
CRAP I LAUGHED OUT LOUD (LOL) (3.00 / 3) (#22)
by blackpaw on Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 01:03:13 AM EST

I MUST BE A ASSHOLE

P.S. WHAT TO DO IF NO HAVE COCK (nt) (none / 1) (#23)
by blackpaw on Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 01:04:52 AM EST



[ Parent ]
S/A/AN $ (none / 1) (#26)
by LilDebbie on Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 09:53:26 AM EST



My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden.
- hugin -

[ Parent ]
TROLLING DEBS IS A ART $ (3.00 / 2) (#29)
by anaesthetica on Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 10:47:18 PM EST


—I'm the little engine that didn't.
k5: our trolls go to eleven
[A]S FAR AS A PERSON'S ACTIONS ARE CONCERNED, IT IS NOT TRUE THAT NOTHING BUT GOOD COMES FROM GOOD AND NOTHING BUT EVIL COMES FROM EVIL, BUT RATHER QUITE FREQUENTLY THE OPPOSITE IS THE CASE. ANYONE WHO DOES NOT REALIZE THIS IS IN FACT A MERE CHILD IN POLITICAL MATTERS. max weber, politics as a vocation


[ Parent ]
YOU'LL BE RIGHT AT HOME HERE THEN (3.00 / 2) (#27)
by Enlarged to Show Texture on Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 11:20:19 AM EST

WE ARE ALL THAT WAY AROUND HERE


"Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do." -- Isaac Asimov
[ Parent ]
Awesome, Love your work Jimmy /nt (1.00 / 6) (#28)
by Cambria on Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 08:12:26 PM EST



Damn son (none / 0) (#35)
by BaronVonGotha on Sat Feb 20, 2010 at 03:09:50 AM EST

Could i teach you a thing or two bout cookin - Mi goreng oh-oh-oh

RISOTTO | 35 comments (28 topical, 7 editorial, 0 hidden)
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