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A Lil' Bowl o' Brown Onion Bliss

By Trollaxor in Culture
Tue Jul 28, 2009 at 10:23:03 AM EST
Tags: cooking, garlic, onion, recipe, soup, Trollaxor (all tags)

I made french onion soup tonight. If you like a touch of class and a rich depth of flavors for a romantic dinner, then this recipe is for you. And it costs little to make! The ingredients in this recipe come in under $10; at a restaurant this dish would easily be $40. I cooked the onions for over an hour! Now that your appetite's whetted, go gather these ingredients and get to work posthaste: brown onion bliss awaits you!


Ingredients

  • 10 tbs. of margarine.
  • ½ cup cooking sherry, ¼ cup cooking sherry.
  • ½ cup white cooking wine.
  • 4 cups vegetable stock.
  • 4 lbs. white or yellow (not red!) onions.
  • 1 fresh clove of garlic.
  • 1 sprig of thyme.
  • 1 bay leaf.
  • Fresh black peppercorns.
  • Kosher sea salt.
  • 1 loaf French bread.
  • 1lb. Münster cheese.

Ideally, the herbs and onions in this recipe should be hand-grown by either yourself or a neighbor; likewise all other ingredients should come from organic sources if possible.

Instructions

  1. In a large pot, melt 1 (one) stick of margarine over low heat.
  2. While margarine melts, cut the tops and bottoms off onions, peel, and slice lengthwise. Slices should be exactly ⅓" wide.
  3. Add sliced onions to pot with melted margarine.
  4. Set timer for 45 minutes and set to low heat with lid. Stir occasionally. Onions should turn translucent.
  5. Set timer for 30 minutes and set to medium heat with lid. Stir occasionally. Onions should brown lightly.
  6. With 10 minutes left in step 5, add 2 tbs. margarine to pan on medium heat.
  7. Bruise bay leaf and add to pan.
  8. Crush fresh black peppercorns and add to pan.
  9. Crush fresh garlic clove and add to pan.
  10. Crush fresh thyme and add to pan.
  11. Sauté bay leaf, peppercorns, garlic, and thyme for five (5) minutes.
  12. Add vegetable stock to pan and bring to a simmer for five (5) minutes.
  13. Add 1 tbs. kosher sea salt to pan.
  14. Add 1 tbs. kosher sea salt, ½ cup cooking sherry, and ½ cup white cooking wine to onions and cook on medium heat for five (5) minutes without lid.
    (Onions should be brown and reduced by this point. If not, you did something wrong.)
  15. Pour contents of pan into onions through a colander. Set herbs aside. Cook pot on medium heat for ten minutes with lid.
  16. Remove lid and set to low heat.
  17. In a toaster oven, toast sliced or diced bread for five (5) minutes at 350º.
  18. While bread toasts, shred 1 cup of Münster cheese.
  19. Serve soup in a bowl or ramekin with toasted bread covered in shredded cheese. Soup is ready to eat when cheese is melted. Salt and pepper to taste.

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A Lil' Bowl o' Brown Onion Bliss | 66 comments (61 topical, 5 editorial, 0 hidden)
Husi is thataway, sailor!!! (1.40 / 5) (#1)
by Korean Loller Blader on Sat Jul 25, 2009 at 10:04:37 PM EST


D'oh! I can't seem to talk to the mod_
That's like 19 steps (2.71 / 7) (#2)
by channel on Sat Jul 25, 2009 at 10:15:23 PM EST

I did not study philosophy at a prestigious university and then enlist in the military to stand around "cooking" all day. Cooking is (at the risk of sounding like Lildebbie) for the genetically inferior. It's something stupid people and immigrants do. It's not something I do.

This is the signature line that appears underneath my comments on kuro5hin.org.
i have other people change my diapers for me (3.00 / 8) (#19)
by lostincali on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 10:23:21 PM EST

it's not because i'm retarded, i prefer to say that i'm exalted.

"The least busy day [at McDonalds] is Monday, and then sales increase throughout the week, I guess as enthusiasm for life dwindles."
[ Parent ]

Sure it's not because you're retarded? (3.00 / 3) (#28)
by channel on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 05:07:43 AM EST



This is the signature line that appears underneath my comments on kuro5hin.org.
[ Parent ]
King Henry the Eighth had an assistant to wipe... (3.00 / 2) (#35)
by MichaelCrawford on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 09:07:13 AM EST

... his ass for him. They discussed it on that worst jobs TV show.


--

Live your fucking life. Sue someone on the Internet. Write a fucking music player. Like the great man Michael David Crawford has shown us all: Hard work, a strong will to stalk, and a few fries short of a happy meal goes a long way. -- bride of spidy


[ Parent ]

Please tell me how this story relates to (none / 0) (#61)
by ProductPlacer on Wed Jul 29, 2009 at 01:28:43 AM EST

Michael Crawford.

[ Parent ]
Big, fat, crazy, and a monster with the women. /nt (none / 1) (#62)
by BJH on Wed Jul 29, 2009 at 05:40:04 AM EST


--
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
-- Oscar Levant

[ Parent ]
An American in Paris (2.75 / 4) (#3)
by MichaelCrawford on Sat Jul 25, 2009 at 10:40:24 PM EST

Just about every day, I had French Onion Soup for lunch because it was the one item on the menu I could translate.


--

Live your fucking life. Sue someone on the Internet. Write a fucking music player. Like the great man Michael David Crawford has shown us all: Hard work, a strong will to stalk, and a few fries short of a happy meal goes a long way. -- bride of spidy


C'est stupide (3.00 / 4) (#22)
by Harry B Otch on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 12:07:38 AM EST

One anecdote about eating in France that I always think of comes from when my parents stopped to eat at a restaurant in Paris while they were traveling over Europe in the early 1970s.  To be safe, they decided to order the most familiar sounding item on the menu:  steak americain.  

According to the story, the waiter tried to talk them out of ordering it, telling them they wouldn't like it--but they insisted that's what they wanted, since they assumed it would be some kind of conventional fried steak.

Turns out that the dish was actually a pile of raw ground beef with a raw egg on top, basically what's known as Steak Tartare in the U.S.  Personally, I'd sooner eat a plate of dog shit than that.

Fortunately, they were smart enough to pass on it, which is probably the reason that I'm here today.  I think they did finally get their true American-style steak, though the waiter probably rubbed his balls all over it.

-----
Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level and beat you with experience
[ Parent ]

rubbing balls on warm steak (3.00 / 4) (#43)
by loteck on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 01:18:22 PM EST

tantalizing to imagine
--
"You're in tune to the musical sound of loteck hi-fi, the musical sound that moves right round. Keep on moving ya'll." -Mylakovich
"WHAT AN ETERNAL MOBIUS STRIP OF FELLATIATIC BANALITY THIS IS." -Harry B Otch

[ Parent ]
Well, I'm hardly a gourmet (none / 1) (#47)
by Harry B Otch on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 03:17:52 PM EST

but I believe that in France revenge is a dish best served cold.

-----
Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level and beat you with experience
[ Parent ]

C'est close-minded (none / 0) (#59)
by a boy and his bike on Tue Jul 28, 2009 at 11:15:09 PM EST

Dude, that's a delicious dish. A while ago I was a technician sent to Poland to install some monstrous machine. I met my boss at the hotel where he talked to the waitress in Polish, she laughed, left and came back with two plates of steak tartare. Hey I figured my boss looks healthy. It was delicious.

Seriously, what's the big deal?

[ Parent ]

Because French food is so famously bad (none / 0) (#66)
by sholden on Thu Jul 30, 2009 at 11:07:49 PM EST

Seriously, way to miss out because you won't either guess or ask what the other things are...

--
The world's dullest web page


[ Parent ]
i tried organic margarine once (3.00 / 2) (#5)
by achievingfluidity on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 12:06:40 PM EST

but it came out tasting like rendered fat.

--
ANNOY A LIBERAL USE FACTS AND LOGIC


Totally delish! (3.00 / 4) (#6)
by Trollaxor on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 03:39:16 PM EST



[ Parent ]
"s/White margarine/While margarine" (3.00 / 5) (#12)
by Wise Cracker on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 07:09:00 PM EST

Also, some people get margarine in tubs and might not know a stick is eight tablespoons.
--
Caesars come, and Caesars go, but Newton lives forever
[ Parent ]
Thx. (3.00 / 2) (#13)
by Trollaxor on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 07:10:17 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Sounds good. (3.00 / 2) (#7)
by gr3y on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 05:30:48 PM EST

But requires the use of a ruler in the kitchen (or ownership of a mandoline), and unnaturally precise fine motor control, neither of which are inherently masculine.

Perhaps you meant to say: "approximately ⅓-inch wide".

I am a disruptive technology.

Perhaps he should specify a tolerance. $ (3.00 / 3) (#8)
by MichaelCrawford on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 06:33:53 PM EST


--

Live your fucking life. Sue someone on the Internet. Write a fucking music player. Like the great man Michael David Crawford has shown us all: Hard work, a strong will to stalk, and a few fries short of a happy meal goes a long way. -- bride of spidy


[ Parent ]

lolling @ you (3.00 / 6) (#18)
by lostincali on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 10:20:54 PM EST

omg i am such a disruptive technology

"The least busy day [at McDonalds] is Monday, and then sales increase throughout the week, I guess as enthusiasm for life dwindles."
[ Parent ]

Eyeball it for crissakes. (3.00 / 2) (#20)
by Trollaxor on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 11:04:01 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Not inherently masculine? (3.00 / 2) (#23)
by Ruston Rustov on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 12:37:04 AM EST

It's COOKING.

I had had incurable open sores all over my feet for sixteen years. The doctors were powerless to do anything about it. I told my psychiatrist that they were psychosomatic Stigmata - the Stigmata are the wounds Jesus suffered when he was nailed to the cross. Three days later all my sores were gone. -- Michael Crawford
Maybe tomorrow. -- Michael Crawford
As soon as she has her first period, fuck your daughter. -- localroger

[ Parent ]
Men cook with fire. (none / 1) (#25)
by gr3y on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 12:56:35 AM EST

It's imprecise, the exact opposite of precise.

I am a disruptive technology.
[ Parent ]

Men don't cook at all, faggit. (none / 1) (#26)
by Ruston Rustov on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 01:03:02 AM EST


I had had incurable open sores all over my feet for sixteen years. The doctors were powerless to do anything about it. I told my psychiatrist that they were psychosomatic Stigmata - the Stigmata are the wounds Jesus suffered when he was nailed to the cross. Three days later all my sores were gone. -- Michael Crawford
Maybe tomorrow. -- Michael Crawford
As soon as she has her first period, fuck your daughter. -- localroger

[ Parent ]
Your boyfriend won't help in the kitchen? (none / 1) (#40)
by gr3y on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 09:56:22 AM EST

Nothing follows.

I am a disruptive technology.
[ Parent ]

Huh? (none / 0) (#60)
by a boy and his bike on Tue Jul 28, 2009 at 11:17:53 PM EST

You found an Arab praying to Alabama?

[ Parent ]
Excellent. (3.00 / 3) (#9)
by Booji Boy on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 06:40:45 PM EST

I tried this and it turned out pretty yummy.
Quick question: Where can I find a grater that will shred Munster properly?

I used a simple hand-grater. (3.00 / 3) (#11)
by Trollaxor on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 07:08:54 PM EST

The kind you hold with one hand in a bowl and pass the cheese over. It has large and fine grates for cheese and even smaller ones for making lemon zest and the like. $2 at Wal-Mart and similar hell-holes.

[ Parent ]
Sorry,... (none / 1) (#30)
by dhk on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 06:32:22 AM EST

..but you must be referring to a different kind of cheese. Munster is a soft, creamy cheese. No grater in the known universe could grate it.

Please refer to Wikipedia
- please forgive my bad english, I'm not a native speaker
[ Parent ]

Try putting the cheese in the freezer (3.00 / 3) (#31)
by 3waygeek on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 07:36:49 AM EST

for 30 minutes or so before trying to shred it. It also works if you need thin slices and don't have a suitable slicer.

[ Parent ]
That's what I do with my extra firm tofu. (none / 1) (#41)
by Trollaxor on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 10:48:10 AM EST

Recipe forthcoming.

[ Parent ]
However, a major point that you missed in all this (3.00 / 2) (#10)
by achievingfluidity on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 06:57:55 PM EST

is the fact that the ancient Greeks highly prized onions for their effect on the libido and thought that they intensified sexual prowess.

Although no where is it mentioned whether this effected gay sex or straight sex or both so your mileage may vary.

--
ANNOY A LIBERAL USE FACTS AND LOGIC


For those of us with other things to do in life (3.00 / 4) (#14)
by JackStraw on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 08:05:09 PM EST

Here's a possible pressure-cooked substitute (see my article http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2009/4/10/222954/151) that will take maybe 1/10th the effort.

In a large pressure cooker, melt the margarine. Add onions cut in a reasonably long manner (around 1/3 inch wide, and as long as you can easily cut them) use yellow onions; they caramelize best). Add 2/3 of your garlic (I prefer the frozen minced garlic cubes at trader joe's), add salt (to draw out oils), and fry the hell out of it, while stirring constantly, for a few minutes. This will give you your onion and roasted garlic flavor. Really, be vicious with the frying, but just make sure you stir constantly.

Add veggie stock, thyme, bay leaf, and the rest of the garlic, and pressure-cook for maybe 10 minutes.

Add wine, pepper and salt (to taste), and/or other spices. Simmer for about 10 minutes to develop a bit of subtlety in the flavor.

Do what he suggests with toast and cheese.

Behold: a meal that's 90% as good as the one described above, in 20% of the time. And, naturally, organic ingredients make no difference (tho fresh herbs and quality bay leaves can help a bit.)

Note that 80% of your friends' experience will be due to the way that you place the cheesy toast on the soup, and then the way that the cheese looks a little burnt. Presentation is everything; spending 4 hours slowly roasting the veggies is unnecessary.

-The bus came by, I got on... that's when it all began.

or go to mcdonalds and get a cheeseburger (2.75 / 4) (#17)
by lostincali on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 10:19:25 PM EST

1/100th of the effort! victory!

"The least busy day [at McDonalds] is Monday, and then sales increase throughout the week, I guess as enthusiasm for life dwindles."
[ Parent ]

But 1/1000th of the quality! Fail! (none / 1) (#53)
by tweet on Tue Jul 28, 2009 at 12:47:13 PM EST


_______________________________________________
Not everything in black and white makes sense.

[ Parent ]

that went way over your head, didn't it? (none / 0) (#57)
by lostincali on Tue Jul 28, 2009 at 06:39:17 PM EST


"The least busy day [at McDonalds] is Monday, and then sales increase throughout the week, I guess as enthusiasm for life dwindles."
[ Parent ]

My God, you're right, (none / 0) (#63)
by tweet on Wed Jul 29, 2009 at 06:38:06 AM EST

it was so clever.

_______________________________________________
Not everything in black and white makes sense.

[ Parent ]

Needs more wine. (3.00 / 4) (#15)
by tdillo on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 10:04:59 PM EST

Lost more wine.

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

The alternative is Michael Crawford.


or any wine (3.00 / 2) (#16)
by lostincali on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 10:18:45 PM EST

cooking wine? omg lol

"The least busy day [at McDonalds] is Monday, and then sales increase throughout the week, I guess as enthusiasm for life dwindles."
[ Parent ]

Münster cheese an interesting choice (3.00 / 4) (#21)
by Enlarged to Show Texture on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 11:32:25 PM EST

Gruyere is the orthodox choice, but I reckon you could make Münster cheese work...

+1FP


"Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do." -- Isaac Asimov
-1, Trollaxor (2.28 / 7) (#24)
by ksandstr on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 12:40:04 AM EST

Come on. Why would anyone actually try a recipe by Trollaxor?

Fin.
Because He Has Good Taste $ (none / 1) (#44)
by limpdawg on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 01:25:03 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Apparently (none / 0) (#46)
by Trollaxor on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 03:06:07 PM EST

my Vindaloo a l'Agni was a hit.



[ Parent ]
wtf is a "stick" of margarine $ (3.00 / 5) (#27)
by th0m on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 04:50:14 AM EST



in the States butter comes in packs of four (3.00 / 3) (#29)
by The Hanged Man on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 05:30:06 AM EST

"sticks" individually wrapped in wax paper. Each stick is a half cup or roughly four ounces of butter. They are basically rectangular in shape, like a symmetrical piece of corn with square edges. Dude, it's fucking butter.

-------------

Dificile est saturam non scribere - Juvenal
[ Parent ]
no no, fucking butter has rounded corners (3.00 / 4) (#33)
by lostincali on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 08:32:00 AM EST


"The least busy day [at McDonalds] is Monday, and then sales increase throughout the week, I guess as enthusiasm for life dwindles."
[ Parent ]

Tell me, (3.00 / 5) (#39)
by ksandstr on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 09:40:25 AM EST

Is this so that Americans wouldn't bang their faces in on the previously-sharp corners?

Fin.
[ Parent ]
not so conversant in english, are you? (3.00 / 3) (#49)
by lostincali on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 06:26:49 PM EST


"The least busy day [at McDonalds] is Monday, and then sales increase throughout the week, I guess as enthusiasm for life dwindles."
[ Parent ]

you tell it like it's a bad thing...$ (3.00 / 2) (#51)
by mirko on Tue Jul 28, 2009 at 12:38:41 AM EST


--
Finally I managed to make the decision that I would work on it. - MDC
we had to huddle together - trane
[ Parent ]
i know, right????? (3.00 / 3) (#52)
by lostincali on Tue Jul 28, 2009 at 08:58:10 AM EST

it's way cooler to make an ass of yourself! now seat down, i must tell you somethings...

"The least busy day [at McDonalds] is Monday, and then sales increase throughout the week, I guess as enthusiasm for life dwindles."
[ Parent ]

are you high?$ (none / 0) (#55)
by mirko on Tue Jul 28, 2009 at 01:01:00 PM EST


--
Finally I managed to make the decision that I would work on it. - MDC
we had to huddle together - trane
[ Parent ]
LOOK FAGGOT (2.71 / 7) (#36)
by I Did It All For The Horse Cock on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 09:13:18 AM EST

Anyone can make a soup out of anything and it make in enjoyable. No one is evar going to follow this recipe unless they are a total stupid homogay. Your'e soup is a delicate precious snowflake. It's just some shit in a pan with herbs and spices or whatever.


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SPECIAL HERBS AND SPICES (3.00 / 2) (#50)
by lostincali on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 06:27:51 PM EST


"The least busy day [at McDonalds] is Monday, and then sales increase throughout the week, I guess as enthusiasm for life dwindles."
[ Parent ]

What the fuck is this margarine shit (3.00 / 5) (#42)
by loteck on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 01:15:37 PM EST

Are we eating or not?
--
"You're in tune to the musical sound of loteck hi-fi, the musical sound that moves right round. Keep on moving ya'll." -Mylakovich
"WHAT AN ETERNAL MOBIUS STRIP OF FELLATIATIC BANALITY THIS IS." -Harry B Otch

Vegetable-based products! (none / 1) (#45)
by Trollaxor on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 02:34:48 PM EST



[ Parent ]
butter is vegetable based (none / 1) (#64)
by Liar on Wed Jul 29, 2009 at 06:58:22 PM EST

if you trace its source back far enough. Not a lot of cows eat steak or pork.


I admit I'm a Liar. That's why you can trust me.
[ Parent ]
Thanks for being facetious. Next? (3.00 / 2) (#65)
by Trollaxor on Wed Jul 29, 2009 at 07:05:46 PM EST



[ Parent ]
or for the truly lazy (3.00 / 2) (#48)
by nateo on Mon Jul 27, 2009 at 03:52:02 PM EST

we have trollaxor's admirably specific original recipe and jackstraw's pressure cooker variety but i can't be bothered to make stuff very often if i can't use the slow cooker, so

http://party-food-recipes.suite101.com/article.cfm/slow_cooker_french_onion_soup

--
"I'm so gonna travel the world, photographing my dick at every location."
  - Vampire Zombie Abu Musab al Zarqawi

Why margerine? (none / 1) (#54)
by V1m on Tue Jul 28, 2009 at 12:58:31 PM EST

that shit is disgusting

Olive oil or butter ffs.
"A very special kind of stupidity"

s/margerine/margarine (none / 0) (#56)
by Trollaxor on Tue Jul 28, 2009 at 01:47:16 PM EST

Because it's vegetable based. You could substitute a similar amount of vegetable shortening with an extra tablespoon of salt if you so desired.

[ Parent ]
Must be tired... (none / 1) (#58)
by a boy and his bike on Tue Jul 28, 2009 at 10:36:09 PM EST

I read that as "10 tubs of margarine"...

A Lil' Bowl o' Brown Onion Bliss | 66 comments (61 topical, 5 editorial, 0 hidden)
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