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BANANA CARAMEL PIE

By Have A Nice Day in Culture
Sat Aug 07, 2010 at 01:41:45 AM EST
Tags: (all tags)

BANANA CARAMEL PIE IS NOT THAT HARD

IF YOU THINK IT IS HARD THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU

BANANA CARAMEL PIE REQUIRES BOTH PATIENCE AND RICE

IF YOU HAVE NEITHER GO TO HELL


Oh wait, that was someone else's story

To make HAND's banana caramel pie you will need bananas, brown sugar, honey, shortcrust pastry (yes, I cheat and buy it), butter and vanilla essence.

I used blueberries too, but BLUEBERRIES ARE IRRELEVANT. FUCK BLUEBERRIES.

I shall tell the rest of the recipe in the style of an old-school text adventure.

You are in the kitchen. In front of you is an oven, behind you is a workbench with a hob set in it.
There is a bunch of bananas (8), a pot of honey, some pastry sheets, a pat of butter, a tub of brown sugar, a small brown bottle of vanilla, a knife, a pie dish and a frying pan.
> USE OVEN

The oven is preheating to 180 degrees C
> USE PASTRY WITH PIE DISH

The pie dish now has pastry in it.
> USE BUTTER WITH PAN

The butter melts in the pan and begins to sizzle
> TAKE KNIFE

You have the knife.
> USE KNIFE WITH BANANAS

You have to peel them first!
> PEEL BANANAS

How many?
> 7

7 what? I don't understand
> FUCK YOU

I don't understand.
> PEEL 7 BANANAS

You have 7 peeled bananas
> USE KNIFE

Use knife with what?
> BANANAS

I don't understand.
> AAAAAGH! FUCKING CUT THE FUCKING BANANAS WITH THE KNIFE

I don't understand.
>USE KNIFE WITH PEELED BANANAS.

You now have seven chopped bananas.
> USE BANANAS WITH PAN

The bananas sizzle in the butter.
> USE SUGAR WITH PAN

The sugar, banana and butter mixture begins to turn into a caramel-goo
> USE HONEY WITH PAN

The caramel goo in the pan now has honey in it too
> USE VANILLA WITH PAN

That sure smells good!
> USE PAN WITH PIE DISH

Your banana-caramel mixture looks a little low in the pie dish
> USE PASTRY WITH PIE DISH

I don't think your pie is full yet.
> FUCK.

I don't understand.
> PEEL BANANA

You peel the last banana
> USE KNIFE WITH BANANA

You slice the last banana
> USE BANANA AND BUTTER AND SUGAR AND HONEY WITH PAN

You put the ingredients into the pan, they start bubbling
> USE PAN WITH PIE DISH

Your pie is now full of banana caramel mixture
> USE PASTRY WITH PIE DISH

Your pie has a lid now.
> USE PIE WITH OVEN

Your pie goes into the oven and is cooking nicely.
> LOOK

You are in the kitchen. In front of you is an oven, behind you is a workbench with a hob set in it. The oven contains a pie. The pastry looks done!
> NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

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Display: Sort:
BANANA CARAMEL PIE | 17 comments (16 topical, 1 editorial, 0 hidden)
-1, too lucasfilm (none / 1) (#2)
by ksandstr on Thu Aug 05, 2010 at 12:11:42 PM EST

Use this, use that.

Fin.
USE STFU ON BIG MOUTH (none / 1) (#4)
by Vampire Zombie Abu Musab al Zarqawi on Thu Aug 05, 2010 at 12:39:24 PM EST



[ Parent ]
+1FP Should be a real game. (none / 1) (#3)
by MessiahWWKD on Thu Aug 05, 2010 at 12:36:25 PM EST


Sent from my iPad
Agreed. (none / 0) (#5)
by Pentashagon on Thu Aug 05, 2010 at 12:59:16 PM EST

k5 text adventure HOWTO:

<a href="#someplace">USE BANANA</a>

blah

blah

blah

<a name="someplace">You insert the banana.  That feels good.</a>

[ Parent ]

Back in the day (none / 0) (#6)
by Harry B Otch on Thu Aug 05, 2010 at 01:31:44 PM EST

the only "iPads" were the ones sold in the women's hygiene aisle.  And "texting" was something postmodernist graduate students did while ruminating on Jacques Derrida.

-----

A lamentable petty bourgeois cry of fear.-.
[ Parent ]

BOLD, HARD HITTING. (3.00 / 3) (#7)
by king of fools on Thu Aug 05, 2010 at 03:15:42 PM EST


----------------

fade out again

i have a serious request. (3.00 / 2) (#8)
by nateo on Thu Aug 05, 2010 at 04:56:02 PM EST

can i get the qty for the ingredients?  this actually sounds edible.

--
"I'm so gonna travel the world, photographing my dick at every location."
  - Vampire Zombie Abu Musab al Zarqawi
NO QTY WITHOUT A DANCE, QTPIE (none / 0) (#9)
by Ruston Rustov on Thu Aug 05, 2010 at 06:35:42 PM EST


I had had incurable open sores all over my feet for sixteen years. The doctors were powerless to do anything about it. I told my psychiatrist that they were psychosomatic Stigmata - the Stigmata are the wounds Jesus suffered when he was nailed to the cross. Three days later all my sores were gone. -- Michael Crawford
Maybe tomorrow. -- Michael Crawford
As soon as she has her first period, fuck your daughter. -- localroger

[ Parent ]
It was just something I made up as I went along (3.00 / 2) (#10)
by Have A Nice Day on Fri Aug 06, 2010 at 12:36:12 AM EST

But roughly -

8 bananas
Somewhere between 1/2 cup and 1 cup dark brown sugar
About 4 tablespoons of honey
I think about 1/4 cup of butter
2 teaspoons vanilla essence
Frozen shortcrust pastry
I also put about 50g of blueberries in, which I copped a bit. Seem to have done nothing much but colour the mixture.
HTH.

--------------
Have A Nice Day may have reentered the building.
[ Parent ]
s/copped/chopped/ $ (none / 0) (#11)
by Have A Nice Day on Fri Aug 06, 2010 at 12:41:45 AM EST



--------------
Have A Nice Day may have reentered the building.
[ Parent ]
-1, Known HollyHopDrive sympathizer $ (3.00 / 3) (#12)
by schlouse on Fri Aug 06, 2010 at 09:50:48 PM EST



-1, not about depeche mode (3.00 / 4) (#13)
by Ruston Rustov on Fri Aug 06, 2010 at 10:16:23 PM EST


I had had incurable open sores all over my feet for sixteen years. The doctors were powerless to do anything about it. I told my psychiatrist that they were psychosomatic Stigmata - the Stigmata are the wounds Jesus suffered when he was nailed to the cross. Three days later all my sores were gone. -- Michael Crawford
Maybe tomorrow. -- Michael Crawford
As soon as she has her first period, fuck your daughter. -- localroger

+1 FP (3.00 / 2) (#14)
by livus on Sat Aug 07, 2010 at 01:42:25 AM EST

I've always said recipes were the true heart of K5. It was goat brains that got me interested in this place.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

WTF pre-made crust? (3.00 / 2) (#15)
by Corwin06 on Wed Sep 29, 2010 at 06:04:32 PM EST

And you call that cooking?  It's an insult to the art.  

Moreover, how the FUCK do you check the temperature of the sugar and butter mixture without a <device> ?
You can't help but do caramel WRONG without one. It's not like chocolate where you compare to your body temperature...

<device> : that thing that measures sugar temps to a zillion degrees and works by measuring density, can't be arsed to look up the name in English.

"and you sir, in an argument in a thread with a troll in a story no one is reading in a backwater website, you're a fucking genius
--circletimessquare
Temperature? Caramel? WRONG? (none / 0) (#17)
by Have A Nice Day on Fri Apr 01, 2011 at 11:13:53 AM EST

Yeah, it's likely not realt caramel. But sugary banana pie doesn't sound so good.

OTOH a sugary fruity mixture all fried up before going in a pie works for me.

--------------
Have A Nice Day may have reentered the building.
[ Parent ]
moar adventure recipes plz = (none / 1) (#16)
by CodeWright on Mon Oct 11, 2010 at 05:24:59 PM EST



--
A: Because it destroys the flow of conversation.
Q: Why is top posting dumb? --clover_kicker

BANANA CARAMEL PIE | 17 comments (16 topical, 1 editorial, 0 hidden)
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