I am far from a connoisseur of sex toys. My arsenal consists of a Fleshlight (Stamina Training Unit), a ribbed sleeve which cost about $20, and some other weak pumping thing that I've only used once (not a penis pump). Out of the 3, the ribbed sleeve is actually my favorite and gets the most use.
I was thus looking forward to trying the Autoblow, a battery-operated robotic "blow job." It arrived on Friday. The contents were minimalist; it had the "mouth" opening already attached, the "anus" opening stashed separated and wrapped, and a small placard with directions and advertisements touting it's greatness.
First thing I noticed is that it required 4 C batteries. "Who the fuck uses C batteries these days?" I thought to myself. I looked around the house and, of course, I had nothing with C batteries. So I sighed, waited for my boner to subside, and went to the grocery store to buy C batteries.
The packaging also did not contain lubricant. In my meager sex-toy experience, this seemed unusually stingy. They usually come with a small package of two of lubricant - which can't cost more than $0.25. Fortunately, I already had lube, and the placard mentioned that you could use lotion as a substitute.
With great eagerness, I put in the batteries and turned the thing on. It sounded like a wood chopper or a gear box in bad shape. I was a little hesitant to put my yearning cock into it. I stuck my finger in to it to make sure that it wasn't going to cut anything off. It appeared safe.
I lubed my penis and inserted as directed.
Now it's time to take a quick aside and talk shop for a second. On the Internet, I have a 14" throbbing cock, but in real life it's closer to 6.25"-6.5" hard, depending on how really aroused I am. This length was the perfect size for the Blast model, which I purchased. However, my girth is a little wide; I get a chubby little chubby. I'm wider than the 6" maximum in the specs (about 6.5" at it's thickest) but I didn't think that would be a problem. Either way, I couldn't upgrade to the next size up since my 6.25" dick wasn't long enough for the Max model.
So I inserted my lubricated, erect penis into the opening and turned the power on the "low" setting. The inside mechanism struggled against my cock, failing to move. I turned up the power more and more and only at or near the max setting did it finally whack my pecker.
The "sucking" mechanism did exist, but it was extremely weak. It didn't add much to the experience. If you try to remove your cock while it is still on, the mouth/anus insert pops out with it. If it weren't for that, I'd only vaguely be aware of the sucking mechanism.
The coils that whipped your penis didn't feel exactly pleasant. Which isn't to say it was painful, it just didn't feel great. I left it on for about 2 minutes or so, thinking how lame it was. I experimented, trying to move it around, in and out and around, and I couldn't get anything that felt super arousing.
After a while, my penis did firm up and start the involuntary "throbbing" sensation that a typical guy gets during a blowjob. I was probably only a few minutes from cumming when I decided to pull out to see how hard my cock was (it was hard to tell while in the machine). So I pull my cock out for a second, and see fucking dark purple marks all over my fucking cock. I'm not sure if that's normal or not, or if it was because my girth was too big, but that was it for me.
I put the machine aside and finished myself off by hand.
In conclusion, the feeling it provided was a poor 2 out of 5 horsecocks. However, with the marking on my penis, I will obviously never use this again and hence I give it a pathetic 1 out of 5 horsecocks. And, by the way, if anyone wants to try a gently-used Autoblow - and I didn't bother to clean it out since I won't use it again - send me an email.
Q&A is welcome.