MDC: Face facts mom, you really only want me out because I look uncannily like your own father and you just can't--
Mother: Look you, I've had enough of this. You don't look anything at all like your grandfather. Actually, I've never told you this but you should know. Your father in the Navy? He wasn't really your father. He was deployed and I got lonely, I had a short-term fling with one of those black musicians down at the club. I always thought he was a little strange but I wasn't dating him for his personality you understand. Unfortunately, I've regretted it ever since.
MDC: Listen mom, you're just in denial about your mental illness. I can see it.
Mother: WILL YOU CUT IT OUT! HAVE YOU HEARD A WORD I HAVE SAID?
MDC: Of course mother, I have heard your cry for help and I am here for you, if you'll just read this essay I wrote on--
Mother: I AM NOT READING ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR GOD DAMN ESSAYS, I AM SICK OF ESSAYS, IF YOU SAY 'THE SOFTWARE PROBLEM' ONE MORE TIME I SWEAR TO GOD I AM GOING TO SWALLOW THIS WHOLE BOTTLE OF PILLS!
MDC: But mother, The Software Problem is at the--
MDC: Oh My God MOM! We must get to the Emergency Room immediately!
INT. HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM
MDC and his Mother are queued at the registration desk.
Male Nurse: Ma'am, can I help you?
Mother: YES MY SON IS AN ESCAPED LUNATIC, HE HAS BIPOLAR SCHIZOAFFECTIVE DISORDER< HIS NAME IS MICHAEL CRAWFORD AND HE IS DRIVING ME INSANE!
Male Nurse: Did you say Crawford Ma'am?
Male Nurse: SECURITY, WE HAVE A CODE MDC, I REPEAT CODE MDC, RESPOND STAT!
Hospital security swarms, MDC is forcibly restrained while an orderly administers a jab
MDC: Now look here! I have every ri-UMPH! UNGH, WAIT NOT THE . . . oh lurk at the prurty unicarns gurble master debugger gleble warp life drool . . .
Dedicated, inspired and mostly written by tdillo