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How to Protect Yourself Against Rape

By messybuu in Culture
Wed Jun 20, 2012 at 12:08:34 PM EST
Tags: Rape, Tutorials, Tips, How-tos, Sluts (all tags)

kuro5hin blogger balsamic_vinigga sparked controversy when he suggested that women need to stop acting like “sluts” if they don’t want to be raped. Although his advice was fucking stupid considering that even hideous women in puritanical clothing get raped, it is always prudent to be vigilant against the many dangers lurking out there in society. That is why I am offering women (and men, because it happens to us too) advice on how to be proactive against all the rapists out there.

Avoid Stranger Danger

Much of the advice you receive when you’re a child is as useful today as it was then: Don’t get into a car with strangers; don’t enter a strange house; don’t cross the street without looking both directions first. You wouldn’t believe how many videos I’ve seen online of women getting into a strange van full of men and then getting fucked in front of a camera before they’re dropped off on a strange curb in a strange neighborhood where it’s likely they’ll get raped again. If a strange vehicle pulls up near, be prepared to run, and if somebody asks you to come into house, be prepared to run. He might claim it’s an emergency involving his daughter, but as callous as it might seem, you have to decline his request and politely tell him to call the police.

Don’t Share

Too often, especially in bars, people will trust complete strangers not to lace their drinks with rape drugs. Most people are polite enough not to, but there is always that strange man intent on violating you. The moment your sight strays from you drink, he’ll slip a roofie or something into it, and the next thing you know, you’ll end up on the curb of a strange neighborhood without any clothes. Always keep a hand on your drink and keep it close to your body, and if you use the restroom, then order a new drink! Don’t trust that your original drink wasn’t tampered with. It probably was, if not with drugs, then with spit, urine, or semen.

Drinks aren’t the only way that rapists will drug you these days. Nowadays, they’ll also lace their cigarettes with drugs, ready and willing to share them with the smokers in need of a fag. I saw this very thing happen on Criminal Minds, so be assured that rapists are now implementing that strategy. Always keep a spare pack with you, and if you really do not have any left and are in desperate need of one, then leave the bar and go to the liquor store. Don’t trust anybody else’s cigarettes, drinks, or food.

Assert Yourself

Rapists, like cyberbullies, are actually cowards who prey on the vulnerable and timid. They are much less likely to assault somebody who looks like she’ll put up a fight than one who looks like she’ll just cry silently to herself as he violates her. Always walk upright with your fists clenched and clutching something pointy, like your keys. Never look downward–that implies weakness–or upward–that implies inattentiveness–but straightforward as if you know exactly where you’re headed. If you look like you mean business, then they probably won’t bother you.

If they do, however, then be prepared to shout and scream. Rapists do not want to attract attention as such attention usually leads to cops. This advice is also helpful on crowded buses where lonely nerds might take advantage of the snugness to grope you. The moment you shriek, “Stop touching my beautiful tits, you fucking assdroid!”, they’ll cower to their corner and continue their contemplation of suicide.

Embrace Jesus

There is no better advice I can give than to pray to the Lord for protection. Prayer is the most powerful force in the entire world and has saved countless lives in situations considered hopeless. It saved a man from being devoured by lions, a family trapped in a temple without any oil, and even gave a crippled man the ability to walk again! If faith in Jesus was able to do all that, then surely it could protect you those nights you have to walk across the campus back to your dorm.

Accept the Inevitable

“But I’m a sinner who doesn’t deserve the love of Jesus,” you might say. Fret not! Jesus loves you nonetheless! Hell, He even died for you before you were even born! He wants to be in your life and offers you the free gift of Paradise. All you have to do is accept that gift. It might seem too good to be true to receive a gift that is truly free–we’re taught that there is no such thing as a free lunch–, but there is no truth greater than the Love of Jesus Christ! If you’re still not convinced that Jesus is the greatest, then visit your local non-denominational church and witness the power of Christ in action!

Unfortunately, not even the power of Christ can protect you from every rapist out there. If somebody’s intent on assaulting you, there is little you or anybody else can do except to accept it with a smile on your face. Don’t become one of those bitter lesbians that shaves her head and hates all men because of one asshole. You will grow up to be a bitter old shrew and never know the happiness that can be found in a loving, monogamous, and heterosexual relationship. That doesn’t sound fun, does it?

Now that you know how to protect yourself against rape, you are now safe to dress like a slut wherever you go as you demand that the government pay for your sexual escapades.


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What's the worst part about being raped?
o The physical violation 21%
o The mental trauma 28%
o The shame you suffer from society 0%
o The victim-blaming 14%
o The possible pregnancy 14%
o The perverted Japanese 42%
o The callous cops 28%
o The flashbacks 28%
o The possible STDs 35%
o The possible murder that follows 35%
o The unlocked cars 7%
o The videos 14%
o The $5 paywall to see said videos 42%
o The tentacles 57%
o WIPO 0%

Votes: 14
Results | Other Polls

Related Links
o Kuro5hin
o Also by messybuu

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How to Protect Yourself Against Rape | 19 comments (14 topical, 5 editorial, 0 hidden)
WIPO: That not so fresh feeling afterwards (3.00 / 2) (#1)
by tdillo on Mon Jun 18, 2012 at 01:10:13 PM EST

that can only be restored with proper feminine hygiene.

I may not agree with what you say but I'll defend to the death your right to go fuck yourself.

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

It's like a chastity belt in reverse (none / 1) (#2)
by Harry B Otch on Mon Jun 18, 2012 at 01:23:00 PM EST

Those locks on the door, that is, representing  Doubt, Inhibitions, and Ignorance.  In the era of Norman Rockwell's "Four Freedoms" it only makes sense they would add to that "Stinky cooters".

A lamentable petty bourgeois cry of fear.-.

"I'd rather be smart than a movie star"--Natalie Portman, Harvard graduate
[ Parent ]

-1, blames the victim (3.00 / 4) (#4)
by balsamic vinigga on Mon Jun 18, 2012 at 03:16:31 PM EST

Please help fund a Filipino Horror Movie. It's been in limbo since 2007 due to lack of funding. Please donate today!
But Jesus was a child of rape (3.00 / 5) (#6)
by Harry B Otch on Mon Jun 18, 2012 at 04:32:07 PM EST

Certain feminists, notably the late Andrea Dworkin, have argued that God had non-consensual sex with Mary and thus have tussled with (male) theologians over the matter of how "immaculate" the conception really was.  Also, "abstinence only" advocates have been working day and night to solve this conundrum, but are similarly stymied by it.

It should make for an interesting discussion at this this year's All Sex Is Rape Fest 2012 in Tuscaloosa.  Ride share?


A lamentable petty bourgeois cry of fear.-.

"I'd rather be smart than a movie star"--Natalie Portman, Harvard graduate

i don't think so (none / 1) (#9)
by sye on Mon Jun 18, 2012 at 06:38:19 PM EST

agape is not rape. besides Joseph, Jesus's step-in father never stopped protecting Mary from other human errors

commentary - For a better sye@K5
ripple me ~~> ~allthingsgo: gateway to Garden of Perfect Brightess in CNY/BTC/LTC/DRK
rubbing u ~~> ~procrasti: getaway to HE'LL
Hey! at least he was in a stable relationship. - procrasti
enter K5 via Blastar.in
[ Parent ]

Sadly... I agree, (none / 0) (#18)
by k31 on Thu Oct 11, 2012 at 07:02:41 PM EST

There is no evidence
that Mary did NOT consent,
I imagine she not only enjoyed it,
but also it says the pondered
in her heart when the angel told her
she was pregnant.

It it had been rape,
she would have expressed anger
at the angel,
not calm consideration.

You're confusing the Bible with
that movie, Rosemary's Baby.

Your dollar is you only Word, the wrath of it your only fear. He who has an EAR to hear....
[ Parent ]

or of the soldier Panthera $ (none / 0) (#12)
by Blarney on Mon Jun 18, 2012 at 09:43:49 PM EST

[ Parent ]
Life of Brian is not canonical $ (none / 0) (#13)
by messybuu on Mon Jun 18, 2012 at 09:49:06 PM EST

Sent from Siri using my iPhone 4S. Buy one today!

Powered by the love of Christ.

[ Parent ]
Worst Part: the Callous Cops. (1.28 / 7) (#10)
by Irish Baby Bacon on Mon Jun 18, 2012 at 08:45:02 PM EST

I find the incredibly hateful cruelty of law enforcement officers towards the victims of senseless violence to be quite puzzling.

I always had the idea that one would want to become a police officer so as to aid those who are in need, not to rub salt in their wounds.

I've seen much the same thing happen twice, both times in Portland, but based on what I've seen or heard about police elsewhere I have reason to believe this is widespread:

a young woman sat next to me at the counter at the diner late one night.  I tried to chat with her but she did not respond, and seemed quite upset so I let her be.

After a little while she walked away from the counter.  I wasn't paying attention so I didn't see where she went.

I stepped in the men's room and was performing The Lord's Work at the urinal when suddenly I heard a whole bunch of shouting, the slamming of the woman's room door, a blood-curdling scream and that woman shouting in paind and in terror: "MY TOOTH!"

I came out of the men's room to find her standing in the little hall there, blood streaming from her mouth.

She had gone outside in an attempt to speak with her angry boyfriend who had been sitting in the car.  He chased her inside the restaurant, into the ladies room - he followed her in there - where he belted her hard in the mouth, loosening two of her teeth.

Two cops, a regular patrol officer and some real young guy eventually turned up.  

I tried to report to the officer what I had heard, but the very instant he figured out that I had only heard the event from within the men's room, he flatly refused to speak to me any more, because he asserted that my testimony could be used to convict the guy.

I explained to him that if he wrote down my name and number, there were many ways I could work with the Portland detectives that they would find helpful, that would not involve testimony on the stand.

he flatly refused to so much as write down my name or number.  When I started trying to reason with him, to point out that he wasn't making sense by that choice, and that he was refusing even to permit me to talk to any detective who might eventually look into the matter, he grew furiously angry at me, and startes shouting at me.

I wasn't concerned that that police officer was going to arrest me for trying to do my part as a concerned citizen.

I feared he was going to violently attack me.  The guy had a real anger problem.

Eventually I let him be.  I figured I'd call or drop by the station on my own in the morning.

He then spent some time grilling that poor, distraught woman, quite angrily hammering questions at her and making it plainly apparent that he regarded her having gotten to of her teeth busted out by a powerful violent man as in reality being her fault!

Eventually I realized I had one of the Rose City Resource booklets.  I was given a book just like that when I worked the Suicide Hotline, that led my fellow Suicide Prevention Service staff to regard me as particularly sick and twisted because I cheerfully referred to it as "The Freeloaders Guide to Santa Cruz County".

Both books - the Rose City one being for Portland and the surrounding area - listed every organization, charity or church that in any way was able to help those in need.

A whole bunch of woman's crisis lines and shelters were given right on the inside front cover.

The poor woman was now completely overcome with tears because of her cruel abuse at the hands of Portland's Finest, so I figured I would do well to step over to tell that Visigoth that I was a trained and experienced Suicide Counselor, and this little yellow booklet I intended to give to her would result in her finding a safe, warm place to spend the night, as well as lots of help with no-contact orders and the like.

Boy, was that a mistake.

I was finally able to comfort the poor woman, and to give her the book and to point out to her where they shelter and crisis lines were found in it, but only quite a long time later after both cops left.

It was plainly apparent to me that the trauma, pain, horror, despair and shame that wonderful young woman experienced was compounded by a factor of ten because of that abusive cop.

The second time I saw something like this was similar but not quite as serious.  For no apparent reason, some totally random stranger walked up to some teenage boy on a light rail train, bloodied the kids nose, then stepped off the train at the next stop, disappearing into the night.

I was at the other end of the car so I didn't realize any of this happened until the call went out for kleenex, napkins or handkerchiefs to wipe up all the blood.

I walked over to the cop to offer my knit cap.  My cap was clean, there was lots of material in it to soak up the blood, I did not need it at all for the rest of that night, and it was quite cheap so I would not miss it.

My offer of my nit cap, offered immediately after they asked for anything absorbent that could mop up that poor kid's bloody nose, served only to totally infuriate that cop.


I sat a short distance away, watching that cop again blame that poor kids for some completely random stranger just walking up to him then completely out of the blue belting him real hard on the nose.

Eventually I realized I had another one of those Rose City Resource books.  I try to keep some with me always.

Perhaps You Can See Where This Is going Here.

"I don't work well with other people because people who work well with other people are Nazis."
-- Michael David Crawford
or how about this classic, for the ages: (3.00 / 3) (#14)
by balsamic vinigga on Mon Jun 18, 2012 at 10:37:51 PM EST

[In the early morning hours of May 27, 1991, 14-year-old Konerak Sinthasomphone (the younger brother of the boy whom Dahmer had molested in 1988) was discovered on the street, wandering naked, heavily under the influence of drugs and bleeding from his rectum. Two young women from the neighborhood found the dazed boy and called 911. Dahmer chased his victim down and tried to take him away, but the women stopped him.[30] Dahmer told John Balcerzak and Joseph Gabrish, police officers dispatched to the scene, that Sinthasomphone was his 19-year-old boyfriend, and that they had an argument while drinking. Against the protests of the two women who had called 911, who recognized him from the neighborhood and insisted that he was a child and couldn't speak English, the officers turned him over to Dahmer. They later reported smelling a strange scent while inside Dahmer's apartment, but did not investigate it. The smell was the body of Tony Hughes, Dahmer's previous victim, decomposing in the bedroom. The officers did not make any attempt to verify Sinthasomphone's age, identity or locate someone who could communicate with him and failed to run a background check that would have revealed Dahmer was a convicted child molester still under probation.[31] Later that night, Dahmer killed and dismembered Sinthasomphone, keeping his skull as a souvenir. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeffrey_Dahmer]

Please help fund a Filipino Horror Movie. It's been in limbo since 2007 due to lack of funding. Please donate today!
[ Parent ]
Thanks for the Tip, Sort Of. (1.12 / 8) (#15)
by Irish Baby Bacon on Mon Jun 18, 2012 at 10:57:03 PM EST

I remember that quite vividly from back when they first caught Dahmer.

That incident would work real well for Solving the Software Problem but I'll have to puzzle over where to classify it.
"I don't work well with other people because people who work well with other people are Nazis."
-- Michael David Crawford
[ Parent ]

+1 Fp (none / 0) (#16)
by k31 on Sat Jun 23, 2012 at 03:24:38 PM EST

Well written, and fitting the the "K5 attitude" of militance.

Your dollar is you only Word, the wrath of it your only fear. He who has an EAR to hear....
How to avoid getting raped (true story): (none / 0) (#17)
by Pentashagon on Mon Jul 02, 2012 at 03:06:44 AM EST

Stop being a woman and stay out of prison.

Really? (none / 0) (#19)
by ShiftyStoner on Tue Oct 23, 2012 at 11:29:38 PM EST

I get to wear heals and everything?
( @ )'( @ ) The broad masses of a population are more amenable to the appeal of rhetoric than to any other force. - Adolf Hitler
How to Protect Yourself Against Rape | 19 comments (14 topical, 5 editorial, 0 hidden)
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