Two kurons were upon the way looking to engage in some entertainment for the evening. The first requirement of which was to procure some spirits in order to put them in a more jovial mood.
Unfortunately, our An Heroes were somewhat out-of-pocket and out of funds. The first kuron was dressed in a most dapper manner, with a handsome face and a fine physique. He said, "I am terribly afraid that I am just maxed out on my credit cards. Not to mention that I really lost my shit on that Bitcoin fiasco and the Facebook stock nosedive. I hate to say it but I am broke like a mother fucker."
The second kuron was not as nattily dressed as the first and in fact appeared as if he had recently fallen on quite hard times. He was portly and smelled of cheese. His hair was in disarray and he had the odd habit of picking his nose at inopportune times. He said, "Yes, I too have no money. I already spent my disability on the strippers and rock. At least I had enough left over for a value meal."
"So hey, do you still have some of the rock?"
"Naw, I got rid of it, fucker scammed me, it turned out to be chunks of drywall or something. FUCK. I was mad! The goat-fucking prick. I'm going to write a diary about that mother fucker."
"Shit, so what are we going to fucking do without money? I need to get fucking drunk in the worst way."
"I hear you man. Hey is that a butcher shop over there?'
"Yeah I guess, so what?"
"I think I got a plan. Look you go in and distract the butcher and I'll come in after a bit and steal a sausage, one of those big pink looking ones, I'm sure he has them."
"What the fuck good is that going to do? Unless you know some way we can get fucked up on sausage."
"Actually, I think I do at that. Just go on and act like you're buying something and keep him occupied and I'll steal the sausage. We'll meet up over in the alleyway in a minute."
And thus the two kurons embarked upon their plan to deprive the butcher of a sausage.
Later in the alleyway.
"Okay, so you got your fucking sausage. Mind telling me what this is all about?"
"Sure, listen. The plan is, I'm going to stick this floppy piece of meat down in my jockeys right? Then we are going to go find us a bar and we're going to get drunk off our ass."
"What the fucking fuck? Man we STILL don't have any money. How are we supposed to get drunk with a sausage in your drawers? You ready to be 5150'd or something? FUCK I can't believe I listen to you you are so full of SHIT!"
"No listen, listen! It will work, see we open a tab, we get drunk. When we're ready to take off you get down on your knees, I'll whip out this here sausage. You start sucking on it like there's no tomorrow. They'll be so fucking disgusted that they'll kick us out on the street and we don't have to pay."
"More likely they'll kick in our ribs and stomp on our face, take what is left of our shit, jam that sausage up your ass and have us thrown in jail."
"Look, do you want to get drunk or what?"
"Fuck. Fuck fuck fuckety-fuck. All right then lets go."
And the two kurons proceeded to put their plan into action. They entered a small smoky bar, sat down at a table and ordered their drinks. After several rounds had gone by the portly kuron said, "Hey. I think they're starting to get suspicious. I think it's time."
"Time for what man? I'm just starting to get a buzz."
"It's time for you know, the sausage thing."
"Oh right, look you don't seriously expect me to get down and suck on that thing do you?"
"Dude, YOU HAVE TO, that's the only WAY man."
"Aw fuck, man I can't believe I am doing this. You fucking better not have a fucking camera. If I see this shit on Facebook you're going to feel like a goddamn sausage."
"Dude, whatever, the bitch is headed this way."
So dapper dude slides out of his seat onto his knees before the portly man. A scent of cheese causes his stomach to do a turn and when he gets it under control he sees, dangling in front of his face from the unzippered front of his friend's stained chinos, a large, pink, sausage.
In the dim light of the bar it actually does resemble an enormous penis. It is one of those hand packed sausages, so the tip is slightly open. The skin is slick and glistens in the warm light.
"No way, man, I am NOT doing this."
"Come on man, she's nearly to the table!"
"Uh Uh, there's got to be something else this is just not happening man."
"There is nothing else, you have to do it. Look just put your lips on it. You don't have to put it all in your mouth, just you know, kiss it a little bit. It won't hurt you. you've tasted sausage before."
The kuron delicately placed his lips upon the sausage. He thought it would be cold but the time spent in the portly kuron's jockey shorts had warmed the meat somewhat. It tasted slighty salty and had a dark musky scent. Once he had started it wasn't quite as bad an experience as he had at first thought. He pretended to get into it.
"OWWWW GRRROSSS!" exclaimed the waitress. "Look guys you could at least get a room that is fucking DISGUSTING."
"What's the matter Holly?" asked the bouncer walking over, then he spied the two kurons. "Oh Holy Fuck Mother of God!" He grabbed the two by the neck and hoisted them up, dragging them to the door. The dapper kuron was caught in the middle of doing something twisty with his tongue. Then there was a blurred WHOOSH and the two found themselves out on the sidewalk with naught but a few minor bruises.
"You okay?" asked the portly kuron.
"Yeah, I guess, what just happened? I kinda blanked out for just a second there."
"What happened? What happened? The plan fucking WORKED that's what happened! Come on man, on your feet! We have to find another bar!"
And thus the night passed. The two kurons making their way from bar to bar pulling their scam, their own little private troll on the bars to get free drinks. The dapper kuron was having a great time. He was drunker than he had ever been in some time. Perhaps he had been mistaken but it seemed that at a few of the bars there were young men actually BUYING him drinks. He wasn't sure. It was all a blur.
Then at one point, the dapper kuron said to the portly kuron, "Say man, thish had been a blast, knowwhatimean? A blasht. Man, you are like my very very bestest friend and I love you man, I jusht had to tell you that, man, you are a very good friend and smart. Hey. You now what? Man, my jaw is fucking sore as shit man. I don't know if I can do thish anymore. Liek, tell you what man, let ME hold on that sausage for awhile. Ish that cool?"
The portly kuron, swaying slightly in the night air looked at his buddy and said, "Sherioushly? Dude, I threw that sausage away after the second joint we was in!"