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Auto Wreck

By LilDebbie in Fiction
Sat Apr 09, 2005 at 12:41:42 AM EST
Tags: You Know... (all tags)
You Know...

The queue looked lonely, so I thought I'd share with you kids a short story I wrote many years ago...


The car came screeching to a halt. The driver popped open the door and ran around the front. I heard her mutter something about insurance before she saw me. She stammered out an, "ohmygod, are you okay?" and I could tell from her widened eyes that I wasn't. I didn't feel injured so I suppose my body went into shock. I didn't feel like answering her question and doubted I could anyway. She stood there, staring at me for a while still yammering out the occasional "ohmygod," until she fully accepted the situation. After her realization, she ran back into her car and pulled out a cell phone. She quickly dialed two numbers then stopped, probably to contemplate driving off. I thought it was strange that my hearing would be so clear, but shrugged it off as I heard the final "one" beep on her cell phone. She frantically explained the situation to the operator.

For some reason, I felt no desire to examine my predicament. I had just been hit by this woman's car and I was quite content to just go to sleep right there. This is probably what death is like; you don't fully understand what's going on, so you just go to sleep and never wake up.

The woman hung up the phone. She got out of her car again and checked on me. I heard her say, "ohmygod, am I going to go to jail?" I took great offense at this. Here I am on the verge of death because of this woman and all she can think about is her problems. I considered dying just so she would get pinned with vehicular manslaughter, but my curiosity on how this would turn out kept me there; what good is revenge if you're not around to enjoy it? I was surprised that she just stood there looking at me. I figured most people at least attempt to provide medical attention regardless of skill or knowledge. I wondered if she had children and what she did when they were sick.

We stayed this way, her looking at me worriedly and me lying on the road, probably bleeding, for some time before the paramedics arrived. At that point, I wanted to yell at the woman, but found that I indeed could not speak. Then a bunch of Emergency Medical Technicians swarmed me, strapping me down to a cot, inserting IVs, putting an oxygen mask over my face, and all that other medical stuff. It seemed like I was at home on the couch watching ER and I expected to see George Clooney when we arrived at the hospital. They lifted me into the ambulance and I heard the woman ask if I'd be okay. I didn't hear the response but it was probably a lie anyway. In the ambulance, I saw the paramedics pass syringes over my body and yell the names of exotic medications to each other. It didn't seem like we had driven that far when we arrived at the hospital.

For a brief moment, I saw the sky as they transported me into the Emergency Room; there were no stars. I was disappointed that none of the doctors working on me were nearly as attractive as the ones on ER. They did a lot of the same things the paramedics did, so it wasn't very entertaining. They must have put a sedative in the IV because I got really drowsy all of a sudden. The last thing I heard before I fell asleep was one of the doctors yell, "clear!"

I woke up a bit later in the waiting room. It seemed rather strange that I only had a few scrapes and bruises. A nurse came out with a chart and told me I could go home. I only lived a few blocks away so decided to walk. Outside, it was still dark out and there were no stars. The whole episode seemed rather strange to me. I wondered why they didn't make me fill out a police report or at least an insurance form. I suppose they'd call me about that later. My house was about a block away when the car swerved out of control. Before the hood slammed into my body, I briefly remembered where I was.

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Auto Wreck | 67 comments (45 topical, 22 editorial, 0 hidden)
Still better than what I have to read every week (1.07 / 14) (#6)
by kitten on Wed Apr 06, 2005 at 08:46:24 PM EST

In my "creative writing" class, there are certain people who email me their stuff all the time for review. I may be a jackass but I'm not such a jackass that I'd post it here -- but I've seriously thought about it, just to watch the horrified comments roll in.

Anyway, -1. Better than abject crap, but still crap.
mirrorshades radio - darkwave, synthpop, industrial, futurepop.
-1 k-1tten (1.33 / 3) (#10)
by Hana Yori Dango on Wed Apr 06, 2005 at 10:17:20 PM EST

I could have written k-1773n or even |<-1773/\/ but you're not even worth it

[ Parent ]
And yet you didn't actually give a -1. (1.33 / 9) (#15)
by kitten on Wed Apr 06, 2005 at 11:56:47 PM EST

Fancy that.
mirrorshades radio - darkwave, synthpop, industrial, futurepop.
[ Parent ]
of course (1.30 / 10) (#16)
by Hana Yori Dango on Thu Apr 07, 2005 at 12:14:08 AM EST

what kind of an asshole actually gives 0's to comments he comments on? The Zero is reserved for spam, so if you respond to something it should by definition NOT get a Zero. But you spend a lot more time on k5 than I do, you should already know that...

[ Parent ]
0'd and replied for teh jackass factor nt (1.85 / 7) (#18)
by balsamic vinigga on Thu Apr 07, 2005 at 01:09:14 AM EST



---
Please help fund a Filipino Horror Movie. It's been in limbo since 2007 due to lack of funding. Please donate today!
[ Parent ]
omfg owned <nt> (1.25 / 8) (#19)
by Hana Yori Dango on Thu Apr 07, 2005 at 01:18:06 AM EST

Nice Titties

[ Parent ]
Way to miss the point. (1.09 / 11) (#32)
by kitten on Thu Apr 07, 2005 at 06:59:32 PM EST

You said I'd be getting a "-1" which is a rating that doesn't even exist. Try capping some accuracy once in a while, Champ.
mirrorshades radio - darkwave, synthpop, industrial, futurepop.
[ Parent ]
He lives in a dodgem car racetrack? (3.00 / 4) (#7)
by Scrymarch on Wed Apr 06, 2005 at 08:50:09 PM EST

Um, one with an ambulance.

I see the cyclical future. (3.00 / 2) (#8)
by Russell Dovey on Wed Apr 06, 2005 at 09:06:24 PM EST

It's the hood of a car, slamming into the human body over, and over, and over...

"Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light." - Spike Milligan

That's just (none / 0) (#41)
by SocratesGhost on Fri Apr 08, 2005 at 05:04:51 PM EST

your DVD copy of Faces of Death playing in an eternal loop.

-Soc
I drank what?


[ Parent ]
Brilliant. (2.80 / 5) (#9)
by Russell Dovey on Wed Apr 06, 2005 at 09:09:35 PM EST

Not as much biting hatred as some of your works, which nicely restrains your piece and lets the situation speak for itself.

Only LilDebbie would be enough of a bastard to trap his character on a Moebius strip containing a car accident...

"Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light." - Spike Milligan

AS A REAL LIFE NINJA (1.23 / 21) (#13)
by dharma on Wed Apr 06, 2005 at 11:39:44 PM EST

I'LL SLASH THIS SHIT OF A STORY WITH MY KATANA AND USE IT TO WIPE MY ARSE.

You use a katana (3.00 / 4) (#14)
by buck on Wed Apr 06, 2005 at 11:43:41 PM EST

to wipe your ass? I'm sure if you can afford a katana, you can afford toilet paper.
-----
“You, on the other hand, just spew forth your mental phlegmwads all over the place and don't have the goddamned courtesy to throw us a tissue afterwards.” -- kitten
[ Parent ]
No... (none / 0) (#17)
by CodeWright on Thu Apr 07, 2005 at 01:02:42 AM EST

...I think he means he will wipe his ass with his katana.

Sounds painful. Fatal?

--
A: Because it destroys the flow of conversation.
Q: Why is top posting dumb? --clover_kicker

[ Parent ]
I encourage (3.00 / 7) (#20)
by Sgt York on Thu Apr 07, 2005 at 03:26:21 AM EST

this behavior. I urge you to wipe your ass with your katana at your next oppurtunity

There is a reason for everything. Sometimes, that reason just sucks.
[ Parent ]

did u buy ur katana at the same store as kitten? (2.00 / 6) (#23)
by Tex Bigballs on Thu Apr 07, 2005 at 09:17:50 AM EST



[ Parent ]
+1 contains the word "ohmygod" (2.00 / 3) (#24)
by Phssthpok on Thu Apr 07, 2005 at 10:12:57 AM EST

oops I mean -1
____________

affective flattening has caused me to kill 11,357 people

This is terrific, Deb. (2.85 / 7) (#26)
by Nosf3ratu on Thu Apr 07, 2005 at 01:13:21 PM EST

Not terrific in the same way that Steinbeck is terrific, and not even terrific in the conversational style that Vonnegut is, but a sloppy "Hey this happened and it really sucked" tone that walks the fine line between casual speech and doggerel like a man walking the DUI line. There are moments that it crossed that line, and moments where it came back over, weaving and bobbing and arms all a'flailing.

Not too short, not too long, a good ending that leaves a bit for interpretation, although it's generally straight-forward.

I'm tempted to create a second account so I can vote it up twice. Really. It was fun. :)


Woo!

Your metaphor made me smile ^_^ (nt) (none / 1) (#28)
by LilDebbie on Thu Apr 07, 2005 at 01:19:28 PM EST



My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden.
- hugin -

[ Parent ]
Great job! (2.75 / 4) (#27)
by jubal3 on Thu Apr 07, 2005 at 01:18:26 PM EST

I really enjoyed this.


***Never attribute to malice that which can be easily attributed to incompetence. -HB Owen***
You know what this needs? (1.70 / 10) (#33)
by pestilence on Thu Apr 07, 2005 at 07:07:30 PM EST

After it gets down to -15 or so, you should really seriously consider adding in a surprise rape scene. It could do wonders with the dynamic of this piece.


A documented gay hook-up
"Surprise rape" is redundant. (2.83 / 6) (#39)
by Phssthpok on Fri Apr 08, 2005 at 11:57:59 AM EST

When rape is expected, we call it "statutory rape."
____________

affective flattening has caused me to kill 11,357 people

[ Parent ]
Why did you even bother to reply? (1.33 / 3) (#42)
by pestilence on Fri Apr 08, 2005 at 08:26:20 PM EST

The reply is that idiotic. I'm surprised you have the motor skills necessary to operate a keyboard.


A documented gay hook-up
[ Parent ]
Maybe he meant... (none / 0) (#53)
by ill logic on Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 01:44:19 AM EST

suprise sex

[ Parent ]
lol what (1.50 / 2) (#54)
by pestilence on Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 10:12:11 AM EST




A documented gay hook-up
[ Parent ]
bs (none / 0) (#61)
by lonelyhobo on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 02:38:33 PM EST

what if you tell them you're going to do it before you do it?  It ruins all the surprise

[ Parent ]
oh, i get it (2.90 / 10) (#34)
by forgotten on Thu Apr 07, 2005 at 09:29:08 PM EST

it was a dream, and he was a robot.

--

Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge (2.66 / 3) (#46)
by nate s on Sat Apr 09, 2005 at 01:16:57 AM EST

This reminds me a lot of that Ambrose Bierce story about the Civil War soldier who got captured and hanged by the neck, only the rope broke and he escaped and went home and when he got home it turned out that he was really just imagining his escape and then the rope broke his neck and he died.

That one was a bit more satisfying, since that soldier thought he was so clever.

True, I read it too, (none / 0) (#55)
by levesque on Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 05:25:47 PM EST

I didn't think of it at first, what came to mind was a movie called Jacob's ladder. I loved the movie and Bierce's story too, they were different enough so I was not disappointed by the use of the same basic gimmick in the end.

[ Parent ]
Final vote score of 38: (none / 1) (#47)
by pestilence on Sat Apr 09, 2005 at 08:42:23 AM EST

This website is officially out of control.


A documented gay hook-up
Check section scores (none / 1) (#49)
by LilDebbie on Sat Apr 09, 2005 at 12:43:24 PM EST

Most section stories never hit the voting threshold. That's been going since k5's inception.

My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden.
- hugin -

[ Parent ]
OK Please explain to me.. (none / 1) (#48)
by rf0 on Sat Apr 09, 2005 at 10:42:33 AM EST

the ending. I mean I just don't get it at all. I've read it a few times and it just leaves it all hanging. You didn't put it on the queue and forget the last parapgraph did you?

--
a2b2.com - Stable, Friendly Decent Hosting

Think about it some more. (none / 0) (#62)
by rpresser on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 03:34:33 PM EST

  1. Person is involved in car accident.
  2. Person is taken to hospital.
  3. Person hears somebody yelling "clear" before losing consciousness.
  4. Person wakes up and leaves hospital.
  5. Person walks home.
  6. Person is involved in car accident.
Q1: What happens next?
Q2: Where might this person be?
------------
"In terms of both hyperbolic overreaching and eventual wrongness, the Permanent [Republican] Majority has set a new, and truly difficult to beat, standard." --rusty
[ Parent ]
In BASIC: (none / 0) (#63)
by LilDebbie on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 01:00:39 AM EST

10 Something happens
20 Narrator is moved
30 Narrator experiences something questionable
40 Narrator experiences something even more questionable
50 Narrator moves
60 GOTO 10

My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden.
- hugin -

[ Parent ]
What? (none / 1) (#50)
by naitha on Sat Apr 09, 2005 at 03:19:54 PM EST

Someone listened to too much Thursday.


"To listen is an effort, and just to hear is no merit. A duck hears also."
-Igor Stravinsky,
Hemingway (none / 0) (#52)
by Cloud Cuckoo on Sat Apr 09, 2005 at 09:52:10 PM EST

the snows of kilaminjaro.

What makes this story truly wonderful (2.66 / 3) (#56)
by RevLoveJoy on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 01:53:51 AM EST

are all the Google ads for car safety products.

-- RLJ

Every political force in the U.S. that seeks to get past the Constitution by sophistry or technicality is little more than a wannabe king. -- pyro9

Only google (none / 0) (#60)
by LilDebbie on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 12:23:36 PM EST

could make advertising fun!

My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden.
- hugin -

[ Parent ]
indeed (none / 0) (#67)
by cacophony on Tue Apr 19, 2005 at 10:21:13 AM EST

its almost as if the script for the google advertisements detected the words "car" and "accident" on the page, searched through their sponsored ads, and found one that fit the page context, in order to get more people to visit it. oh wait

[ Parent ]
I briefly remembered where I was (2.66 / 3) (#57)
by Robert Acton on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 07:12:21 AM EST

Well done. This is a world away from typical nerd fiction, and then some.

--
I am cured.
ATTENTION BUM BANDITS OF K5 (none / 1) (#58)
by Anonymous Howards End on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 08:53:43 AM EST

Please, please do not just vote shit up based on the author.  If you're not going to read it yourselves, don't inflict it on other people.
--
CodeWright, you are one cowardly hypocritical motherfucker.
Are you suggesting (none / 0) (#59)
by LilDebbie on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 12:22:47 PM EST

I have a fan base?

My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden.
- hugin -

[ Parent ]
I'm suggesting that you have FOLLOWERS (none / 0) (#64)
by Anonymous Howards End on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 01:12:40 PM EST

You need to add some more potassium to their lima bean ration though.
--
CodeWright, you are one cowardly hypocritical motherfucker.
[ Parent ]
I am Big Brother? (none / 0) (#65)
by LilDebbie on Wed Apr 13, 2005 at 11:33:38 AM EST

Trippy shit, j0.

I think I'll just tell them there's more potassium in their rations and actually decrease the amount.

My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden.
- hugin -

[ Parent ]
Funny (none / 0) (#66)
by edmo on Thu Apr 14, 2005 at 02:36:47 AM EST

It's funny that this should show up now(for me at least) as just the other day I got in an accident. I almost got hit by a car while ridding my bike, but managed to escape with nothing worse than road rash. The woman driving the car was very ohmygod concerned, obvious signs of light shock. The best part is that this all occurred directly in fornt of a cop who was so preoccupied with looking for speeders on his radar gun he did't see the accident.
Also, I don't know which is worse; that the insurance company asked if I was going to pursue damages for road rash; or that some people actualy would...

Auto Wreck | 67 comments (45 topical, 22 editorial, 0 hidden)
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