Kuro5hin.org: technology and culture, from the trenches
create account | help/FAQ | contact | links | search | IRC | site news
[ Everything | Diaries | Technology | Science | Culture | Politics | Media | News | Internet | Op-Ed | Fiction | Meta | MLP ]
We need your support: buy an ad | premium membership

[P]
New Orleans: A Choose Your Own Adventure

By PoopyPeanutz in Fiction
Wed Sep 07, 2005 at 11:59:10 AM EST
Tags: News (all tags)
News

You are an African-American living in a crack house in a New Orleans slum. You decided to stay and weather out Hurricane Katrina since you were not sure if you could score crack at any of the evacuation centers. The windows of the crack house were already boarded up, you had a couple days worth of rocks and some Fiddy Cent CDs to listen to on a portable boom box. In addition, most of your fellow crack heads had abandoned the house, leaving you to rummage through their stuff for stray crack rocks. You find a couple.

When the worst seems to be over, the levee breaks and water floods into your crack house. That's okay. You grab your boom box and crack pipe and run up to the attic. You are lucky and water doesn't reach to the roof like it does the houses down the block.


Unfortunately, you cannot stay in the attic of the crack house indefinitely. You are starting to hear reports that the pumps are giving out and that an additional nine feet of water is going to come crashing down on your hood. You are down to your last box of microwavable red beans and rice and will have to live on dry grits after that. More importantly, you are down to your last three crack rocks. Flocko, your dealer, may be still be at his crack house down the street and might still be holding.

You hear choppers overhead. You look out the attic window and see some Coast Guard choppers lifting a family down the street off their roof and to safety. Do you...

-Grab a piece of wood drifting down the street and try and float to higher ground?

-Get on the roof and try and wave down a Coast Guard chopper?



































































You grab a door that's floating down the street and hop onto it. You start paddling away, not sure yet where you're going to go. Your neighborhood is a disaster area. You see a couple of other people holding onto whatever flotsam they can get a hold of and paddle towards higher ground.

You see LaQueesha, the neighborhood crack ho, floating down the street with her five welfare children on an inflatable mattress. You stop paddling for a second and wave to her. She waves back at you. Maybe you can help each other to find crack...

As you start paddling towards her, all of a sudden there's a scream and LaQueesha and her five kids disappear under the water. What the fuck? You notice the water is red with blood and one of her baby's dismembered arms floats up to the surface. You start pissing in your pants as you realize that something is moving under the water. Alligators from the bayou! You have to get out of here quick. Do you...

-Try going to Flocko's crack house, which is nearby?

-Try paddling the other way up the street to the Wal-Mart so you can loot some food?



































































You arrive at Flocko's crack house and scramble onto the roof and out of the alligator infested water. "Flocko!" you yell, "Where you at nigger?"

"Up over here, dawg," you hear Flocko's voice on the other side of the roof. You scramble over and see that Flocko has a boat and some other members of his crack gang are loading it up with guns.

"Yo Flocko," you say. "You wouldn't happen to be havin' any crack rocks on ya nigga?"

"'Sho do," Flocko tosses you a brownish colored piece of crack. You whip the pipe you have hidden in your collar out and take a huge hit. The cocaine washes over your like a wave and you can think straight now.

"Dat hit ain't free, nigga," Flocko says. "You gots to help us. My crew gonna put some work in down south of da Quarter. Some Red Cross niggas is gonna be bringing food, water, an' medicine and we's gonna cold jack it? You down?"

Do you...

-Go on the raid with Flocko and his gang?

-Say, "No way nigga! Stealin' from da Red Cross is fucked up"



































































"Well, fuck you den nigga!" Flocko whips out his Tec-9 and blasts your full of holes. You are blown off the roof and into the water, where you feel yourself floating down to what was previously the street you used to hustle people for change on.

The last thing you feel before you die is your body being torn apart by hungry alligators.

THE END



































































"Sure nigga," you say, "I always be down wit sum jackin'"

Flocko tosses you a Glock. "A'ight, let's go."

You get in the boat and start paddling down to where the rescuers are setting up a center to distribute food and water. As you are paddling, you see another boat coming with some white senior citizens that had been displaced from the old folks home.

"Please, help us," the old people say. "We need to get to a hospital so we can get heart medication."

Do you...

-Leave them alone?

-Hijack their boat so you can carry more loot?



































































"Sho `nuff, we's goin' to a hospital," Flocko says. "Come up besides our boat here."

When the boat pulls up besides yours, Flocko puts two bullets in the chest of guy rowing, then jumps on the boat, grabs the wheelchair ridden old people and tosses them into the water. "Take dat you cracka bitch."

They thrash around for a moment before slipping under. They are lucky. They will probably drown before the alligators eat them.

"Dat's fat nigga," you say. "Now's we's can gets us mo loot!"

"Word, let's keep headin' up towards the supply drop."

Click here to continue.



































































"Fuck you dumbass cracka bitches!" you yell at the old people. "I don't be given a shit about you."

"Straight up dawg," Flocko says. "Hurry, we gots to get to da supplies befoe they start givin' em all away. Keep paddlin'."

Click here to continue.



































































The boat creeps up to this partially submerged parking structure. You can see that on the top of the parking structure, some Red Cross volunteers are setting up palates of bottled water and canned foods to distribute to the hungry citizens of the city. "Let's go over here, nigga," Flocko says. "I be seein a roof over there we can use for dis."

He pats the .30-.06 rifle sitting disassembled in the bottom of the boat. "We's gonna show dem crackas who's neighborhood dis be."

You put the boat around to the far side of the roof, where the relief workers cannot see you. You and the rest of Flocko's gang crawl up there on your bellies. Flocko starts putting the rifle together. "Ain't we kinda far away from dem?" you say.

"Naw," Flocko says. "I done shot gators at two hunnerd meters in da bayou since I was fie years ole. These done be a lot easier targets too."

"Yeah, they a lot whiter," one of his gang members says.

Flocko snaps the scope on to the rifle. "Don't worry. I just be scarin' dese white boys."

He takes aim and fires a shot at the rescue workers, who all drop to the deck, wondering who on earth would be firing at them. Flocko fires another shot, then another. One of the rescue workers makes the dumbass mistake of standing up and catches a bullet in the shoulder, shattering his collarbone. You can hear his screams from a distance and everybody laughs. "Damn! Whiteboys scream jus' like bitches." Flocko says.

The rest of the rescue workers grab their wounded friend and crawl back to the zodiac boats they used to transport themselves out there. They leave behind all the relief goods.

"We gots to get over there fast, nigga..." Flocko says. "I bet da cops be on dere way."

Do you...

-Go with them to get the supplies?

-Stay back on the roof so you can watch out for the cops?



































































"Word, let's get dem shits and bounce," you say.

You paddle over to where the palates of food were being set up for distribution. "Fuck yeah, nigga!" Flocko says. "We came up on some supplies here! Start loading dis shit in da boat."

You start loading the bottled water up. "I'm gonna make a bitch suck my dick if she wants one of these..." Flocko says, holding up a couple boxes of baby formula. "It's either you or the baby bitch, that's how it be goin'"

"Word nigga. This is our motherfuckin' corner. For life."

"For life dawg," Flocko says.

Then, suddenly you freeze as you hear the unmistakable sound of a Mossberg shotgun being racked. You turn around and see a boat full of people in white robes, pointy hats, and bulletproof vests. It's the Ku Klux Klan!

"Stop right there, boy," the lead Klan member gets out of the boat and onto the parking structure. "We're claiming those supplies for the good white people of this city."

Flocko laughs. "You clamin' dis?" he says. "Fuck dat. We got straps too, so watcha gonna do?"

The Klan guy shakes his head. "You niggers think that just because the law isn't around, you can start getting all uppity. Well us white folk aren't gonna have that!"

"Bullshi-" Flocko was about to say before a rifle bullet caught him in his right temple and blasted the majority of his brains out his left temple. Guess the Klan set up a sniper too. The rest of Flocko's gang starts shooting back with their Tec-9's. You whip out your Glock and put two rounds into the chest of the closet Klan member, knocking him down. The bullets were both caught by the vest though, so he raises his shotgun on his back and fires, shredding your kneecap in a hail of buckshot. You fall down screaming and hear the Klan member racking another shell into his shotgun to finish you off. You have the presence of mind to raise your Glock and put a bullet into his face before you succumb to the pain of your destroyed knee.

Flocko's boys keep the Klan members pinned down, but their sniper keeps picking them off one by one. Pretty soon it's just the KKK standing. They get up and start putting the supplies into their own boat. One of them sees you laying there, sweating and shaking with pain.

"Hey, this nigger's still alive!" he says over to his Imperial Wizard Dragon whatever he calls himself. He comes over to where you are laying.

"Looky what we have here," he says. "You know boys, there's an old tradition that I think we need to resurrect." He starts pulling a rope out of his robe and starts wrapping it up into a noose. "Whaddaya say we lynch us a nigger today!"

They all cheer in approval. You are pretty much resigned to the fact that you are about to die. You just wish they would let you smoke a little more crack before they hang you.

Somehow, you get them impression that they won't.

THE END



































































"I'm's a stay here," you say. "I'll be like yo lookout. In case da 5-0 come."

The rest of Flocko's gang starts laughing. "Sure dawg, you stay here. Look out for dose po-lice," Flocko says to you. "Pussy ass nigga. Yo niggas, to the boats, let's roll up."

Flocko leaves his rifle and his bag. While he's gone, you look through it to see if he left any crack inside, but he hasn't. Fuck.

You hear a noise. Over on the parking structure, Flocko and his gang are being accosted by...the KKK? Where the fuck did they come from? Oh well, at least they're well armed.

Then you hear the crack of the rifle and the sound of the bullet cutting through the air. The Klan has a sniper too! You look over to where Flocko and his crew are and his head pretty much explodes. You scramble over to take cover behind a chimney, praying that the sniper hasn't seen you yet.

Soon the shooting stops. You look over at the parking structure. All of Flocko's gang are dead and the Klan is stealing all the supplies. You are trapped on the roof with no water, no food, and only three crack rocks which you can't smoke in case the sniper sees the flame from your lighter. This really sucks.

After an hour, you hear the sound of a Coast Guard chopper flying overhead, looking for survivors. You wave to it, and they lower a harness. They lift you into the chopper, let you drink from their water bottles.

"Where to next `cuz?" you say.

"We're taking everyone we evacuate to the convention center. Are you hurt, sir. Do you require medical assistance?"

"Naw, I be straight. Let's be goin' to the convention center."

Click here to continue.



































































The chopper starts coming on low over the Convention Center, where refugees from the city are being evacuated. As the Coast Guard chopper starts coming down, a throng of people begin to gather under the chopper. The pilot yells on the loudspeaker, "PLEASE CLEAR THE AREA SO WE CAN LAND."

Nobody heeds that call. They just keep yelling, "Help us! Get us out of here!"

"We'll never find a place to land if that mob keeps following us." The pilot says.

"I think there's a clear area over...SHIT!" just a bullet strikes the fuselage of the chopper next to the co-pilot's head. "Godammit! They're fucking shooting at us! We have to get out of here."

You just need to find a place to smoke some crack. It's been quite a long time since your last hit and you're jonesing bad. The Coast Guard chopper is still low enough for you to jump out onto the ground. You leap out, fall and luckily land on a pile of dirty mattresses. What luck!

Then you notice that the mattresses are being used to cover a pile of dead bodies. You notice this as you roll off of them and see the body of a little boy. His eyes are moving, but then you realize it's just the maggots that are beginning to grow in his sockets. The stench is terrible. You'd vomit if you had eaten anything substantial in the last few days.

You run inside the Convention Center...

Click here to continue...



































































God and human decency had left the New Orleans Convention Center. Death and human filth permeate the air. Dying people are lined up in sleeping bags along the wall. The dead aren't even covered. You hear gunfire and screaming all over the place. Walking through this chaos you stub your toe on dead baby that slides across the floor. You shudder in horror.

All this though is secondary to you taking a hit of crack. You fucking need a hit NOW. Do you...

-Smoke out in the open? It's not like any one will care.

-Go to the bathroom to discreetly smoke your crack?



































































This place is hell and you can see no real authority in charge here. Fuck it, you take your crack pipe out of your collar and pop a rock into the end. You pull out your lighter and take a nice hit of sweet smoke into your lungs. It feels like heaven.

"Holy shit!" you hear nearby. "That nigga be holdin'!"

Another crack head has observed you smoking in the middle of the room. He leaps up and comes up to you. "Yo man. I ain't had a rock for days now. Can you hook a nigga up?"

"Fuck you nigga," you say. There's no way you're sharing your rocks.

"Please. Just give me a hit," the crack head pleads. "I'll suck your dick."

"You best get off me nigga," you say. Why can't you just smoke your rocks in peace?

"Fuck you then, biscuit head!" While you've been talking with this crack head, another has come up behind you and smashes the back of your head with a fire extinguisher. You fall to the ground and he keeps hitting you, pulverizing your jaw, nose and cheekbone. Splinters of your skull get jammed up into one of your eyeballs, blinding you, but the other eye is still working, long enough for you to see the crack heads rifling through your clothes, looking for your rocks. They find them and scurry off somewhere to smoke them.

You lay on the filthy floor of the Convention Center, not quite dead yet, but getting there. Thankfully you are paralyzed now and feel no pain. You just stare at the ceiling, slowly fading away. It takes about an hour for you to finally die.

THE END



































































You decide that it's best to go to the bathroom to smoke your rocks. It's always better to get high with a little privacy.

The bathrooms look even worse than the rest of the Convention Center. There has not been running water for days and the sewage system is backed up. There is a mountain of shit piled up in the center of the restroom. You grimace as you walk past it to find a corner you can smoke in.

You get your crack pipe out of your collar and pop in a rock. You take a hit and can almost forget this place for just a moment.

You hear the some lovely singing outside the bathroom. You are not alone. You look over and see a little girl with cornrows playing with her dirty doll outside. It's been awhile since you've gotten a piece of pussy and the crack is making your dick hard. Plus, in addition to being a crack head, you are also a pedophile. Do you...

-Rape the little girl?

-Just jerk off?



































































It's too risky to assault the girl. The convention center is full of people and it's likely one will come in and interrupt your fun. You decide to just start jerking off while the little girl plays with her doll.

"Oh yeah, lil' bitch. Take like dat. Take it, take it..." you groan to yourself as you yank on your Zulu warrior sized dick.

From all the noise you're making, the little girl hears you and sees what you're doing to yourself. "Gross!" she yells. "Fuckin' sick ass nigga!" she yells.

Suddenly a huge black man runs into the bathroom. "Sharonda! Wuz wrong?"

The little girl points at you. "Dat' nigga be pullin' on his jimmy while I be in here. Fuck him up daddy!"

"Mothafucka, I'm a fuck you up!" he says, rolling his sleeves up.

"Ain't like dat nig..." you start saying but he shuts you up with a fist straight to your nose. You are instantly seeing stars and are only barely conscious enough to feel the rest of the flurry of punches that redistribute the geography of your face.

"Teach you to fuckin' be jerkin' off 'round my kid!" the man then grabs you and shoves you head first into the mountain of shit and holds you there. The stench is incredible and you try to hold your breath, but you can hold it no longer and start to inhale the shit. Diarrhea and undigested fecal peanuts flood into your lungs. You flail about, trying to catch your breath, but end up suffocating in that pile of poop.

THE END



































































Fuck it. There's no police around here. No authority, no one to send you to prison if you touch the child (you'd spent eight years inside for doing that.) Time to get your rocks off like you always wanted to.

You step out to where she can see you. "'Sup lil' girl?" you say, moving towards her.

"Nuttin' jus playin' wit my dolly," she says in a cute, innocent voice that makes your dick harder.

"You like lollipops lil' girly?" you say, moving closer.

"Yep. I sho do."

"Well, I gots somethin' for you to suck on right here..."

You pull your dick out of your urine stained drawers. The little girl gasps in shock. You grab her by the back of her cornrows and jam your cock down her throat. She gags.

"Yeah, suck it real good lil' girly...SHIIIIITTT!"

The little girl suddenly bites down on your dick. You shove her away and she scurries out of the bathroom screaming with blood dribbling down her mouth, leaving her doll. You look down and see that your dick has been half way chewed off. Only a thin layer of skin on the top is keeping it connected to your body. The blood from your erection is squirting out rapidly and is pooling on the floor. You are starting to get dizzy from the blood loss. Do you...

--Seek medical attention?

--Just kill yourself, you dickless wonder.



































































You have been a crack addict for over a decade now. You have submitted yourself to almost every degradation known to man during that time to feed your habit. You even sucked a transvestite's cock once to get a hit. But one bit of pride still remains in you and that is that you cannot live without a functioning dick. Time to end it all now.

You pull your crack pipe out and break it against the floor. You pick up one of the largest shards and start sawing at your wrist. You open up a vein and blood starts pouring out. You get even dizzier. The light in the room fades away. You are dying...

You see a bright light. Are you in Heaven? Glory halluljah! Home to Jesus!

Then you realize you are laying in a hospital bed. Somehow, someone found you dying in the bathroom and your life was saved. You see the calendar on the wall of your hospital room and see that it is a week later.

While you are regaining consciousness, the Reverend Al Sharpton storms into your hospital room. "Dear boy! What has happened to you is a tragedy!" he proclaims. "The poor and the black were left to die in that city. The situation was so horrible that many, just like you fell into despair and tried to end your own lives. This situation cannot be!"

"Yessir, Reverend," you say, still trying to get your head around the situation. "It wuz all fucked up out there."

"It most certainly was," Sharpton says. "And we cannot allow it to happen again. Myself and some other prominent black leaders are putting forth a campaign to blame this situation on the Bush administration. We would like to use you as an example of the plight of African-Americans in the city of New Orleans who were neglected during the crisis. Will you help your brothers and sisters in the community?"

Just last week, you were a petty thug, stealing tape players out of cars to score your next hit of crack. Now, you're about to become a political symbol like Cindy Sheehan. What else could you say? "Sho' nuff, I do it."

THE END



































































You get up off the bathroom floor, your pants soaked with blood from your partially severed dick. There has to be a doctor around here or some sort of medical personnel. Maybe if you reach them in time, they can reattach your dick.

You stumble out of the bathroom and start looking around, desperately trying to find some MDs. "Hey, stop there nigga!" you turn around and see the little girl's father down the hall. He'll kill you if he catches you. You run as fast as you can, while keeping your hand clamped to your crotch to stem the bleeding.

You stumble through the hordes of refugees, which is easier than it looks because they quickly shy away from a crazed and bleeding black man. You don't see any doctors anywhere that can help you with your dick. You are also beginning to pass out from the blood loss. You run out the front of the convention center and out into the street. You are relieved because you think you have lost the girl's father.

Your relief is cut short though when a vehicle slams into you and flings your now lifeless body into the gutter with the rest of the bodies rotting there.

Someone yells out, "At last! The bus is finally here!" Everybody outside cheers.

THE END.



































































You get up on your roof and start hailing the Coast Guard chopper. "Help a nigga out!" you yell up at them, jumping up and down. You really hope someone is there to pick you up. Everybody knows your kind doesn't like to swim.

AS you jump, the rickety roof of the crack house caves in and you fall through. You are back in the attic now, this time with your thigh impaled on a jagged shard of termite eaten wood. The pain is unbearable, but you cannot pull it out or you will bleed to death. Hopefully someone will be searching the houses and rescue you.

Unfortunately, the pumps fail and the water level begins rising. Soon it is filling up the attic and you cannot swim with you leg impaled on a piece of wood. You drown to death, flailing in the water.

THE END



































































You are deathly scared of alligators, so you start paddling your piece of wood towards the nearest dry land by the Wal-Mart. It is on a hill and you can probably get supplies there. You are constantly scared that one of those reptilian bastards is gonna swim up and gnaw your foot off every time you kick.

Luckily, after a couple of blocks you hit an incline and can actually get your foot on the asphalt. You ditch the wood and make your way up hill as fast as you can. You are exhausted by the time you find dry street.

Wal-Mart is just another block away. You duck into an abandoned building whose roof has collapsed and smoke a crack rock to get your senses back. One down, two to go. You now feel good enough to keep moving.

There are throngs of people pouring in and out of the Wal-Mart. Shit, they probably got all the good stuff.

You make your way into the store. There is a lone white man in his blue Wal-Mart vest yelling at everybody. "The store is closed! The store is closed due to the disaster! What you are doing is STEALING! No one is allowed in the store!" Most of the people ignored him.

A couple of people yell at him, "Get the fuck out of here white man, foe we fuck you up!"

The store is indeed very picked over. There are only a few cans on the shelves. On the other side, you see a 38" Sony Trinitron that was too big for anyone else to carry out. Do you...

--Try and get what food is left?

--Fuck it, grab the TV.



































































You look on the shelves of food. Everything non-perishable in the store is pretty much gone. There is a discount rack tipped over in the back with a few dented cans of okra and canned chicken. You pick those up and stuff 'em in your pockets. Then, you go looking for a can opener, which you find on aisle five.

You walk outside with your two measly cans and decide you're hungry and should eat them right there. You wander around the back of the store and bust out the can opener. You mix the chicken with the okra and then start shoveling the goopy, mucuous like concotion in your mouth. It tastes disgusting, but it's the first real food you've had in a couple days. You toss the cans aside and start walking north, hoping you will find some relief workers soon.

You get about a mile when your stomach starts growling. Another mile and it is cramped in pain. Oh no, the food you ate was expired! You run to the side of the street, try to find a private spot behind a bush, and spray loose shit all over the ground. You don't even have any toilet paper to wipe your ass with afterwards.

You keep walking, your dirty ass cheeks chafing as you head down the highway. You are nearly to the edge of town when you have to shit again. This time it feels even worse, like someone reached in your stomach and tied your intestines into a knot.

As you walk, it seems like you're barely able to go a few meters without wanting to shit again. Also, you are getting extremely dehydrated. Dehydration feels like getting really drunk and soon you're walking in a complete stupor. You shit again, this time you do it without dropping your pants or even stopping walking. The seat of your pants is one big brown wet shit stain.

Finally, your body cannot take any more. You fall down with your pants full of shit and hallucinating from the lack of water. At least one-hundred people pass by your body on the road before you finally die.

THE END



































































There ain't no food here fit for a black man! But that TV...when they finally drain the city, you could sure use that to watch basketball in style. There is an abandoned dolly in the corner of the store. Using that, you can get the TV out of the store.

It takes a lot of effort, but finally you are able to get it onto the dolly. You start rolling it towards the entrance when all of a sudden lights are shining in your eyes and a white man is shoving a microphone in your face.

"I'm Kent Custer from Action 7 news," the white man says. "Can I ask you a few questions?"

"'Sho," you say.

"Do you consider what you are doing to be looting?"

"'Naw," you say. "See, niggas need essentials right now like food and water, an' if you ain't sellin' 'em then we be takin' 'em."

"But I don't see you taking any food. It looks like you're trying to take a television set. Is that an essential to you?"

"You gots to understand," you say. "I done lost everythin' I got. An' I'm a done take this TV cause it may be all I have now."

"Sir, do you think that people should be more concerned with taking essential items like food and water like you say, or with getting things like TV sets?"

"Jus' keepin it real dawg."

"Shouldn't you just steal what you need to survive?"

This white boy is pissing you off now. Do you...

--Let him shame you into dropping off the TV and searching for food?

--Punch this cracker's lights out?



































































You've had enough. "Fuck you, honky," you say and then belt him in face. You start heading outside with your TV when a female NOLA PD officer runs up to you and says "Hole' it!"

Shit, you're busted. But then the officer says. "Can I shake yo' hand?" "What?" you say.

"I wanna shake your hand for punching out that news motherfucker over there," she says. "He was all puttin' me on the camera and callin' me a looter, sayin' he was gonna make sure I lose my job." She says. She holds up a pair of shoes. "Look at these strappy sandals...I deserve these for having to put up wit dis shit."

"Word sister," you say.

"Hey, you kinda cute," she says. "I'm a probably lose my job cuz of that tape, so I was thinking of driving up to my cousin's place up in Baton Rouge and living there 'till they clean this up. You wanna come wit me?"

"Sho sista'" you say. "Lead the way." The cop was kinda cute too, and she had a fat ghetto booty. You figure there are worse fates.

"Nice," she says. "By the way, my name is Tamika. Tamika Hill."

Tamika takes you out to her cop car and you load the TV into the trunk, keeping the back from flapping open with a bungee cord. This is probably the first time you've ever been in a police car with stolen goods and felt relieved. She turns the sirens on so the refugees will clear out of the way. Since it is a police car, it is able to get around all the barriers and check-points with no problem.

You arrive in Baton Rouge within an hour. After stopping off at Popeyes for a two-piece and a biscuit, you arrive at her cousin's place which is actually pretty nice and still has electricity. "She's in Alabama right now, but she says I can stay 'till my apartment be dry."

You go to the bathroom and smoke a crack rock. Tamika smells it and you are scared that she will throw you out, but she says: "If you into that, I got some shit I kifed from the evidence locker before this hurricane an shit."

Turns out she had a whole BAG of crack rocks and you grab as many as you can. You smoke another for good measure, and she smokes some weed she confiscated from some yuppies at the Jazz Festival. Afterwards, you and Tamika fuck each other's brains out like stoned monkeys. She screams over and over, "Fuck me nigga! Fuck me!"

After Tamika is good and fucked, you go to the living room, where you got the Trinitron set up. You turn it on to watch TV and see that the news is on.

"This is Action 7 news. We are here to report that in the midst of the hurricane, one of our reporters was assaulted by a looter inside a New Orleans Wal-Mart. Here's the footage..."

Yep, it's you. And it looks like a pretty good punch too. The white reporter starts to pontificate into the camera with a bruised jaw.

"Yes, it is indeed sad, how in a time of such tragedy, some people will take advantage of the situation to steal and to assault their fellow citizens. This should remind everybody that society is a thin veneer."

You laugh out loud and smoke another crack rock. This is the life. This is truly the life.

THE END.

Sponsors

Voxel dot net
o Managed Hosting
o VoxCAST Content Delivery
o Raw Infrastructure

Login

Related Links
o -Grab a piece of wood drifting down the street and try and float to higher ground?
o -Get on the roof and try and wave down a Coast Guard chopper?
o -Try going to Flocko's crack house, which is nearby?
o -Try paddling the other way up the street to the Wal-Mart so you can loot some food?
o -Go on the raid with Flocko and his gang?
o -Say, "No way nigga! Stealin' from da Red Cross is fucked up"
o -Leave them alone?
o -Hijack their boat so you can carry more loot?
o Click here to continue.
o -Go with them to get the supplies?
o -Stay back on the roof so you can watch out for the cops?
o Click here to continue. [2]
o Click here to continue...
o -Smoke out in the open? It's not like any one will care.
o -Go to the bathroom to discreetly smoke your crack?
o -Rape the little girl?
o -Just jerk off?
o --Seek medical attention?
o --Just kill yourself, you dickless wonder.
o --Try and get what food is left?
o --Fuck it, grab the TV.
o --Let him shame you into dropping off the TV and searching for food?
o --Punch this cracker's lights out?
o Also by PoopyPeanutz


Display: Sort:
New Orleans: A Choose Your Own Adventure | 219 comments (185 topical, 34 editorial, 0 hidden)
Short path to the comments (2.88 / 9) (#3)
by Arvedui on Tue Sep 06, 2005 at 04:31:26 AM EST

piece of wood -> other way -> grab TV -> punch

steal my gag will you? (2.80 / 5) (#4)
by I LOATHE TROLLS on Tue Sep 06, 2005 at 04:37:06 AM EST



[ Parent ]
Ab-So-Looly! (3.00 / 7) (#48)
by Arvedui on Tue Sep 06, 2005 at 08:51:25 PM EST

Your message was a brilliant recognition of an important public service that had not been provided hitherto. I just thought I'd help out.

[ Parent ]
Faster Path to Comments (1.00 / 3) (#111)
by virg on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 02:21:29 PM EST

Edit --> Find in this Page...

Type in "Post a Comment" and hit enter.

Dimwit.


Virg
"Imagine (it won't be hard) that most people would prefer seeing Carrot Top beaten to death with a bag of walnuts." - Jmzero
[ Parent ]
even shorter (none / 0) (#219)
by manojar on Thu Oct 06, 2005 at 04:33:30 AM EST

ctrl+f -> "comment" -> press enter

[ Parent ]
-1, recycled idea. (2.07 / 13) (#14)
by SoupIsGoodFood on Tue Sep 06, 2005 at 07:48:25 AM EST

This joke can only be done so many times before it just becomes boring crap.

-1: nigga stole my story n/t (1.53 / 15) (#15)
by I Did It All For The Noogie on Tue Sep 06, 2005 at 08:15:35 AM EST


I have discovered a truly elegant proof of the Generalized Colour Theorem, but alas, the

Write faster (nt) (3.00 / 6) (#16)
by PoopyPeanutz on Tue Sep 06, 2005 at 08:25:41 AM EST






every once in a while, an article appears on K5 that makes me ashamed to be associated with the site.--Zenofchai
[ Parent ]
Sorry trollassor (2.62 / 8) (#18)
by I Did It All For The Noogie on Tue Sep 06, 2005 at 08:34:01 AM EST

I don't have 24 hours a day to devote to my scat porn fiction.

I have discovered a truly elegant proof of the Generalized Colour Theorem, but alas, the
[ Parent ]

Good artists borrow. Great artists steal. (2.55 / 9) (#19)
by PoopyPeanutz on Tue Sep 06, 2005 at 08:37:54 AM EST

Deal wit it. I know you love me.




every once in a while, an article appears on K5 that makes me ashamed to be associated with the site.--Zenofchai
[ Parent ]
Why don't you post yours and we'll race... (2.33 / 6) (#20)
by PoopyPeanutz on Tue Sep 06, 2005 at 08:41:07 AM EST

See who gets voted up (or down) sooner. I promise to +1FP yours if you put it in the queue.




every once in a while, an article appears on K5 that makes me ashamed to be associated with the site.--Zenofchai
[ Parent ]
you are the biggest nerd ever. (2.50 / 2) (#73)
by Harvey Anderson on Thu Sep 08, 2005 at 09:32:38 AM EST



[ Parent ]
The troll levees have ruptured [nt] (2.81 / 27) (#29)
by mirleid on Tue Sep 06, 2005 at 12:04:09 PM EST



Chickens don't give milk
this is totally unrealistic (2.54 / 11) (#30)
by speek on Tue Sep 06, 2005 at 12:17:20 PM EST

I mean, come on:

You are starting to hear reports that the pumps are giving out and that an additional nine feet of water is going to come crashing down on your hood

Hear? From where? The voices in your head?

--
al queda is kicking themsleves for not knowing about the levees

From his radio, fool! [n tẍt] (2.25 / 4) (#31)
by MrHanky on Tue Sep 06, 2005 at 12:34:02 PM EST




"This was great, because it was a bunch of mature players who were able to express themselves and talk politics." Lettuce B-Free, on being a total fucking moron for Ron Paul.
[ Parent ]
Not at all (3.00 / 9) (#64)
by cpt kangarooski on Wed Sep 07, 2005 at 06:32:09 PM EST

The windows of the crack house were already boarded up, you had a couple days worth of rocks and some Fiddy Cent CDs to listen to on a portable boom box.

I think that you underestimate just how topical 50 Cent's music is.



--
All my posts including this one are in the public domain. I am a lawyer. I am not your lawyer, and this is not legal advice.
[ Parent ]

Bravo (2.37 / 8) (#33)
by uptownpimp on Tue Sep 06, 2005 at 12:56:08 PM EST



=========================
My name is actmodern and I approve of this message.
+1 (2.62 / 8) (#36)
by t1ber on Tue Sep 06, 2005 at 02:28:46 PM EST

+1, endlessly funny.  Fiction doesn't treated too well around here, but this was amusing.

And she said...
Durka Durka Mohammed Jihad
Sherpa Sherpa Bak Allah
Hadji girl I can't understand what you're saying.

dialect issue (2.60 / 10) (#39)
by trane on Tue Sep 06, 2005 at 03:27:29 PM EST

"I'm a fuck you up!" sounds Italian.

His dialect is right on, in fact (3.00 / 9) (#51)
by nostalgiphile on Wed Sep 07, 2005 at 03:03:17 AM EST

In the South one often hears this phrase..."I'm a fuck you up" means, literally, "I am agonna [about to gonna] fuck your shit up" and is most likely of Black American English origin. Indeed, I distinctly recall that in their militant (cover of the NWA song) "Fuck the Police" Public Enemy used the phrase "I'm a fuck you up" in various lyrically original ways. For your edification, here's a piece of that masterpiece:

But take off the gun so you can see what's up
And we'll go at it punk, i'ma fuck you up


Make ya think I'm a kick your ass
But drop your gat, and ren's gonna blast
I'm sneaky as fuck when it comes to crime
But I'm a smoke em now, and not next time


Smoke any muthafucka that sweats me
Or any assho that threatens me
I'm a sniper with a hell of a scope
Takin out a cop or two, they can't cope with me


"Depending on your perspective you are an optimist or a pessimist[,] and a hopeless one too." --trhurler
[ Parent ]
It would be better if he dropped a word (none / 0) (#59)
by Cro Magnon on Wed Sep 07, 2005 at 01:56:24 PM EST

"I'm a fuck up"
Information wants to be beer.
[ Parent ]
maybe (none / 1) (#62)
by trane on Wed Sep 07, 2005 at 03:10:16 PM EST

i've got a pretty good ear for dialects, and have hung out with a LOT of black crackheads, both up north and in austin texas, and it rang false to my ears, but who knows.

[ Parent ]
*sigh* (2.75 / 4) (#65)
by Nasarius on Wed Sep 07, 2005 at 11:00:34 PM EST

Of all the horrible abuses of the English language perpetrated by rap music, I'ma annoys me the most. It typically means "I am going to" or "I will", with a subtext of "look at me, I'm a fucking idiot". Doubly so when the speaker is a dorky white boy.

[ Parent ]
*yawn* (1.80 / 5) (#67)
by nostalgiphile on Thu Sep 08, 2005 at 02:16:58 AM EST

Sure I'm not the first one to point this out to you, but, um, you wouldn't know good art is if it jumped out of the woods and bit you on the ass.

"Depending on your perspective you are an optimist or a pessimist[,] and a hopeless one too." --trhurler
[ Parent ]
But (none / 1) (#87)
by maxsilver on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 04:52:09 AM EST

President Bush uses it too. Listen to him. The entire south uses it, but your biggoted mind only hears when black people use it.

[ Parent ]
no, that would be (2.00 / 2) (#58)
by warrax on Wed Sep 07, 2005 at 01:20:39 PM EST

"i'm a fucka youa upa"

-- "Guns don't kill people. I kill people."
[ Parent ]
What's the difference (2.84 / 13) (#43)
by Glutamine on Tue Sep 06, 2005 at 06:33:17 PM EST

between New Orleans and Christmas?

Christmas will be here this year

i think (3.00 / 2) (#57)
by klem on Wed Sep 07, 2005 at 01:11:26 PM EST

that seemed much more offensive when you thought of it that it actually is

[ Parent ]
Oh when the Saints! (2.00 / 15) (#44)
by Big Sexxy Joe on Tue Sep 06, 2005 at 06:38:44 PM EST

Oh when the Saints come swimming in
Oh when the Saints come swimming in
Oh Lord, I want to be in that number
when the Saints come swimming in

I'm like Jesus, only better.
Democracy Now! - your daily, uncensored, corporate-free grassroots news hour
I find your sig offensive. (2.90 / 10) (#55)
by Jesus Christ Himself on Wed Sep 07, 2005 at 11:06:42 AM EST

I'm much better than you, when was the last time YOU made instant booze from water when the party ran dry? eh?

--------------------------------------
Bless you my child.
[ Parent ]
+1 FP (2.80 / 10) (#45)
by PrezKennedy on Tue Sep 06, 2005 at 06:44:50 PM EST

It's funny because without any stretch of the imaginiation, it could have happened.
---
PrezKennedy.org - Bored stuff...
You rock, Poopy (2.71 / 7) (#50)
by Kasreyn on Tue Sep 06, 2005 at 11:15:59 PM EST

But I think you need to start pressing charges when FOX News uses your material. Or was that authorized?


"Extenuating circumstance to be mentioned on Judgement Day:
We never asked to be born in the first place."

R.I.P. Kurt. You will be missed.
not bad (2.71 / 7) (#52)
by taste on Wed Sep 07, 2005 at 05:38:45 AM EST

we actually have good endings this time.. 2 at that!

Wrong (none / 0) (#138)
by jdoeii on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 03:39:25 AM EST

All endings but two are good ;-)

[ Parent ]
A gator at 200 meters? (2.60 / 5) (#56)
by Democratus on Wed Sep 07, 2005 at 01:05:36 PM EST

I didn't know that in the mean streets of NO, they measure distance in meters!

Of course they do. (2.40 / 5) (#60)
by NoMoreNicksLeft on Wed Sep 07, 2005 at 02:13:46 PM EST

The goddamned frenchies.

--
Do not look directly into laser with remaining good eye.
[ Parent ]
What do nigger kids get for Christmas? (1.26 / 26) (#61)
by Friedrich Dionysus on Wed Sep 07, 2005 at 02:50:39 PM EST

Your bike.


Amerikka at it's finest... (1.16 / 6) (#78)
by EminemsRevenge on Thu Sep 08, 2005 at 01:41:19 PM EST

IF there was a real president in the White House he'd be having some of you sick motherfuckers shot.
Keep on rocking for a free world---
[ Parent ]
yes, sounds great (3.00 / 4) (#81)
by ribo on Thu Sep 08, 2005 at 06:57:41 PM EST

A wonderful free world where you get shot for what you say!

[ Parent ]
welcome to Soviet Europia (n/t) (1.50 / 1) (#82)
by Delirium on Thu Sep 08, 2005 at 07:34:58 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Oh the words! The words are hurting me!!!111 $ (1.50 / 1) (#95)
by warrax on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 10:50:05 AM EST



-- "Guns don't kill people. I kill people."
[ Parent ]
the truth about k5 (2.70 / 10) (#66)
by hildi on Thu Sep 08, 2005 at 12:21:13 AM EST

pretentious assholes who have extremely sick, depraved minds.


Don't forget... (2.42 / 7) (#68)
by WonderJoust on Thu Sep 08, 2005 at 04:23:14 AM EST

...bleeding heart liberals!

Who, remarkably, have taken up the Puritan flag to not allow anyone to laugh at anything. Or dance.

Don't you dare fucking dance.

_________________________________
i like your style: bitter, without being a complete cunt about it.
-birds ate my face
[ Parent ]

You say that (3.00 / 3) (#113)
by LilDebbie on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 02:46:25 PM EST

like we don't all already know.

HUGZ AND KISSES XOXOXOXOXO!

My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden.
- hugin -

[ Parent ]

.30-.06 (2.33 / 3) (#69)
by dimaq on Thu Sep 08, 2005 at 04:48:19 AM EST

could you say that in mm?

No. Okay, if you must. (2.50 / 2) (#79)
by Kadin2048 on Thu Sep 08, 2005 at 05:29:30 PM EST

It equates to 7.62x63mm.

As long as I'm on the subject, it's not proper to write it ".30-.06", since the second number isn't "point zero six," but rather "zero six." There's no decimal point. So it should really be .30-06. The nomenclature is derived from the bullet diameter (.30") and the year introduced into military service in the U.S., 1906.

[ Parent ]

Thanks (none / 0) (#145)
by ksandstr on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 09:02:26 AM EST

I always wondered what the hell the so-called "caliber number" meant. From this, I'll take that, say, a .38 bullet would have a diameter of ~9.652 mm, i.e. 38/100 inches.

[ Parent ]
PoopyPeanutz for prezident (2.00 / 7) (#70)
by ljj on Thu Sep 08, 2005 at 07:03:48 AM EST

Also, I'm sure the queue will soon be blocked with imitators. A K5 sign of greatness.

--
ljj

OMG (2.00 / 5) (#71)
by kbudha on Thu Sep 08, 2005 at 08:49:41 AM EST

Hilarious, absolutely horrible and slightly US-bashing, BUT FUCKING HILARIOUS

"undigested fecal peanuts" (2.42 / 7) (#72)
by Phssthpok on Thu Sep 08, 2005 at 09:21:05 AM EST

Brilliant!
____________

affective flattening has caused me to kill 11,357 people

What a tool (2.69 / 13) (#74)
by m50d on Thu Sep 08, 2005 at 10:07:43 AM EST

I said "rape her", not "stuff it in her mouth". I know I'm a dumb crack addict but would I really be so stupid as to try and use the one hole that has teeth in it?

K5 Racist Bullshit? (2.25 / 4) (#75)
by VikingCoder on Thu Sep 08, 2005 at 11:17:41 AM EST

I think Joe Scarborough of MSNBC described it pretty well:

You got to understand that these are people who have young babies who haven't had water in four days, in some cases, haven't had formula, haven't had basic necessities. I just wonder what you would do, what I would do if we were in a situation where our 15-month-old child or our 2-year-old baby needed something to stay alive. I don't know what you would do. I know I would do anything it took to get what they needed.

God bless America... (2.50 / 2) (#76)
by greenplato on Thu Sep 08, 2005 at 12:48:09 PM EST

...a land where shtick like this will never grow old.

[ Parent ]
Oh, oh...a preacher man (2.50 / 2) (#86)
by nostalgiphile on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 12:56:45 AM EST

And now he's gonna quote Joe Scarborough at us to whip us into line huh? Dude, how bout we not feed the myth of the "liberal PC" monster, k? (mixing my metaphors but fuck it, it's friday where i live).

"Depending on your perspective you are an optimist or a pessimist[,] and a hopeless one too." --trhurler
[ Parent ]
I would (3.00 / 5) (#98)
by starsky on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 11:10:33 AM EST

steal a television or rape a young lady.

[ Parent ]
Brilliant insight (none / 0) (#175)
by VikingCoder on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 11:04:48 AM EST

I would steal a television or rape a young lady.

Wow - that's a brilliant insight.

Have you ever considered what the young lady would do?

Only a complete moron would have missed the fact that when there's a rape, there's a rapist and a victim. This hypothetical young lady we're talking about has just survived a hurricane, and is fighting for her life - and now she's been raped.

Heaping racist bullshit upon the situation doesn't help her much, does it?

Perpetuating the idea that the people who are there, surviving this awful, terrible event are somehow lesser people works against the idea that these people are American victims of a tragedy who could use your help - financial, if nothing else.

I don't know - maybe you just can't cope with the enormity of the tragedy, and it's easier to pretend the people involved are like cartoon bad guys in blackface and laugh about it. And that it doesn't really matter how people think about it. Well, it does really matter how people think about it - because they can do something about it.

Donate.

[ Parent ]

Only (none / 0) (#193)
by starsky on Mon Sep 12, 2005 at 09:11:58 AM EST

a complete moron would start shouting racist when there is no mention or insinuation of race in my comment. Unless of course you are insinuating that all thieves and rapists in NO are black?

[ Parent ]
Context (none / 0) (#195)
by VikingCoder on Mon Sep 12, 2005 at 11:33:12 AM EST

This article is racist bullshit. I attacked it, you defended it.

[ Parent ]
Incorrect (none / 0) (#201)
by starsky on Tue Sep 13, 2005 at 05:43:23 AM EST

You quoted an article by an ignorant buffoon standing up for criminality in NO with some lame straw-man argument, of which I quickly and concisely pointed out the flaw. You have chosen the wrong target for your anti-racist invective.

[ Parent ]
Invective (none / 0) (#208)
by VikingCoder on Tue Sep 13, 2005 at 07:24:07 PM EST

"the flaw"?

What - that some of the people are looters and rapists? Fine - conceded. Are they really the people who deserve attention in this situation? No. People are dying, you're firing pot-shots, and the author of this article is posting infantile racist bullshit. I recommend donating, instead.

The "lame straw-man argument" is essentially that of Jean Valdean in Les Miserables.

I'm not sure why you care most about pointing out the looters and rapists, but I'm certain that this article arises from a perverse enjoyment of the sufferings of others and a gleeful dehumanization of the victims of this tragedy.

Or did you have some other intention when you brought to the forefront the looters and rapists, and pushed aside the pure victims?

Whether your specific response was racist or not, this article deserves condemnation, and in context, your response seemed instead to support it.

Perhaps you can forgive my "anti-racist invective," but I can't imagine why you won't chime in to shout down racist bullshit.

[ Parent ]

Intent (none / 0) (#209)
by VikingCoder on Tue Sep 13, 2005 at 08:03:08 PM EST

Look, I'll put it like this -

The article poster was trying to get a laugh.

You were apparently trying to point out flaws in my "argument", and later to cry "anti-racist" for some reason.

While I was attempting to evoke some sympathy for the victims and was the first responder to this article asking people to donate.

So, 1) screw the article poster; 2) I don't know why I've bothered to respond to you; 3) please donate.

[ Parent ]

This is disgusting (1.50 / 14) (#77)
by elsamary on Thu Sep 08, 2005 at 01:37:38 PM EST

I can't believe what I just read. This is the biggest pile of racist b/s I've read yet in this century. Read up on your history. You people sadden me to the core. No matter how you cut it, even if you're trying to be ironic and biting, this is an absolutely demeaning piece that strips away any human dignity. Just try and convince me otherwise. I'm not easily offended, and I don't advocate political correctness. But shame and disgrace to you. I hope no children run across your post.

Racist? (3.00 / 3) (#88)
by tashw on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 07:42:05 AM EST

Do you think the story is racist because the main character is an african-american? I don't really understand. Should all stories involving african-americans be written so that the african-americans are only portrayed in a positive light?

[ Parent ]
He could have at least... (none / 0) (#203)
by WonderJoust on Tue Sep 13, 2005 at 07:41:55 AM EST

...included the fact that his football/basketball coach who passed him through high school with empty promises of a bright future in the NFL/NBA also gave him his first hit of rock.

Then, at least, he would be good at sports.

I mean, you can't realisticly expect him to be intelligent or drug-free.

He's black.

_________________________________
i like your style: bitter, without being a complete cunt about it.
-birds ate my face
[ Parent ]

well, you always had the (none / 0) (#91)
by warrax on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 09:48:18 AM EST

option of not reading further. Oh, and "just try and convince me otherwise"...??? Why? Nobody cares what you think.

-- "Guns don't kill people. I kill people."
[ Parent ]
racist b/s or reality? (none / 0) (#220)
by politicallyincorrect on Sat Oct 08, 2005 at 09:36:02 PM EST

Funny how it can be called racist when it very well could have happened in more than one case. Best writing I've heard yet!! So sick of oh those poor people! Get a friekin house on dry land..why should we pay for you to live on the ocean floor?

[ Parent ]
good work sir (2.66 / 6) (#80)
by reklaw on Thu Sep 08, 2005 at 05:56:57 PM EST

I tried to post it to metafilter, but woe is me it got deleted.
-
sorry, -1 (2.54 / 11) (#83)
by zenofchai on Thu Sep 08, 2005 at 08:21:00 PM EST

every once in a while, an article appears on K5 that makes me ashamed to be associated with the site. one so tasteless, so untimely, so humorless, so vile, so foul, that I cannot help but be shocked that my fellow human beings would allow it to be posted.

i do not call for censorship or any of the like, but there are filthy corners of the internet in which rubbish like this should be posted.

then again, perhaps my opinion of K5 was too high.
--
The K5 Interactive Political Compass SVG Graph

even if (1.50 / 1) (#84)
by zenofchai on Thu Sep 08, 2005 at 08:28:52 PM EST

even if this were (in some fantasy world) some more well-written satire, biting to the core of the hypocrisy of people who "really do" think like this -- now would not be the time, and this would by a damned long shot not be the story.
--
The K5 Interactive Political Compass SVG Graph
[ Parent ]
I think you've missed the point (none / 0) (#161)
by Delirium on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 03:10:31 PM EST

The story is interesting satire not insomuch as it is well-written or particularly clever (which it isn't), but simply because of its subject matter. There are no sacred cows at kuro5hin!

[ Parent ]
SIGGED! (2.00 / 3) (#115)
by PoopyPeanutz on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 04:07:44 PM EST






every once in a while, an article appears on K5 that makes me ashamed to be associated with the site.--Zenofchai
[ Parent ]
sweet -nt (none / 0) (#146)
by zenofchai on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 09:04:29 AM EST


--
The K5 Interactive Political Compass SVG Graph
[ Parent ]
God, what a sick fuck (1.14 / 7) (#85)
by GoddardBolt on Thu Sep 08, 2005 at 09:08:21 PM EST

This is apalling crap.

Haha and LOL (2.15 / 13) (#89)
by Magnetic North on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 09:08:19 AM EST

Americans: Please post more comments on how "outraged" you are by this article.

As the rest of the world has discovered the last two weeks, you assholes live in a fucking apartheid state. Your PC whining about racism is especially funny when considering the real world racism all around you. Racism is OK as long as nobody talks about it I guess.

On a related note, funny how CNN keeps praising 'private business' and Walmart continously for their effort on the Gulf Coast. And funny how Laura Bush is quoted "We must help the poor people". God damn. I cannot express with words how much I despise you fucking asshole Americans.

--
<33333
anyone (2.71 / 7) (#90)
by zenofchai on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 09:37:39 AM EST

anyone who finds humor in this situation has some issues, almost certainly including sociopathy. thousands have people have suffered and died, more continue to suffer and die in bizarre and stupifying ways.

i am not whining about "racisim" or political correctness in any way -- i am whining about trampling, belittling, marginalizing, and attempting to wax comedic on the dead before they are even buried, no matter what race they are or even how they died.

further: this article is not funny; it is not poignant; it does not move the reader to action; it conveys no discernable message of import. it is tripe, tired, and tasteless.

lastly: it is actually quite funny (in the sad, ironic way) to me that in one breath you decry racists, and in the next breath you paint an entire country full of people with the wide, stinking brush: "fucking asshole Americans". as far as "asshole Americans" go; not all Americans are assholes, and not all assholes are American. i would consider myself an example of the former, and (perhaps, though I may jump to the conclusion that you are not American without real knowledge of such) you an example of the latter.

PS: I do not like Laura Bush, CNN, or Wal-Mart -- and nor am I "outraged". "Disappointed" is the more appropriate term.

HAND.
--
The K5 Interactive Political Compass SVG Graph
[ Parent ]

get over yourself (3.00 / 2) (#94)
by warrax on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 10:39:51 AM EST

humour can be found in ANYTHING.

-- "Guns don't kill people. I kill people."
[ Parent ]
If you can't laugh at others. . . (3.00 / 3) (#100)
by Lode Runner on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 12:30:35 PM EST

then who can you laugh at?

[ Parent ]
true (none / 0) (#105)
by zenofchai on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 01:30:11 PM EST

but there is a reason we have phrases such as a "dark sense of humor", "a twisted sense of humor", "a sasistic sense of humor", and perhaps "a sociopathic sense of humor".
--
The K5 Interactive Political Compass SVG Graph
[ Parent ]
Yeah, well (2.83 / 6) (#99)
by Magnetic North on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 11:42:42 AM EST

I'm sure there's a lot of decent human beings in the US. The 'assholes' I'm talking about are the people who proudly describe themselves as 'mericans, no matter what.

This is supposed to be the year 2005 ce and patriotism and nationalism should be a thing of the past. Those sentiments are always troubling, but when your country is a stinking shithole of racism, poverty and greed it's really time to rethink your moronic loyalty to a flag.

If people like yourself continue to kneejerkingly come to the defense of your country, and if you continue to believe in US exceptionalism, you're in for a lifetime of "disappointment".

--
<33333
[ Parent ]
your enemy is jingosim, not patriotism (3.00 / 2) (#101)
by Lode Runner on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 12:46:35 PM EST

Why do Canadians and Western Europeans get so upset when Americans take pride in the USA? And what's up with the constant need to try to take America down a few pegs? All that energy could be spent trying improve your own nation's lot.

[ Parent ]
Isn't it obvious? (2.75 / 4) (#102)
by Magnetic North on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 12:49:54 PM EST

We're jealous of your freedom and your wealth.

--
<33333
[ Parent ]
now this I find humor in (none / 1) (#106)
by zenofchai on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 01:32:08 PM EST

Sarcasm has always been my cup of tea. It points out the moronic view that many 'mericans profess -- without graphic, mocking depictions of people being suffocated in mounds of half-digested fecal peanuts.
--
The K5 Interactive Political Compass SVG Graph
[ Parent ]
it's nothing like that (3.00 / 2) (#107)
by Lode Runner on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 01:36:19 PM EST

You're more insecure than envious.

It doesn't take much to arouse such insecurity. For instance, did you know that your educational system is so poor that it has led you to confound "jealous" and "envious"?

[ Parent ]

Pointing out.. (2.00 / 2) (#112)
by Magnetic North on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 02:44:42 PM EST

how terrible my English is would normally have secured your victory in an argument such as this.

However, I have to disappoint you. English is only my third language. Besides, there's no such thing as a "Candian/European educational system". There's no "European educational system" for that matter.

--
<33333
[ Parent ]
ESL types rarely make that mistake (2.50 / 2) (#114)
by Lode Runner on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 03:15:48 PM EST

When did I evoke a Canadian/European educational model? There isn't one. My only presumption is that you were not educated in the USA.

Anyway, I smell a cop-out.

[ Parent ]

He can't be an American... (none / 1) (#129)
by BJH on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 08:59:23 PM EST

...he spelled all the words correctly.
--
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
-- Oscar Levant

[ Parent ]
not likely (none / 1) (#132)
by Battle Troll on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 10:05:43 PM EST

It's my wife's fourth and she would never have made such a solecism.
--
Skarphedinn was carrying the axe with which he had killed Thrainn Sigfusson and which he called 'Battle Troll.'
Njal's Saga, ca 1280 AD
[ Parent ]
Because American foreign (2.66 / 3) (#103)
by The Diary Section on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 12:54:38 PM EST

policy involves us all whether we like it or not. The perceived cause of this foreign policy lies with what appears to be the unthinking "patriotism" of the American public which can conceive of itself as never doing any wrong under any circumstances. If Bush had followed the foreign policy he was originally elected with then things would be different. You can't tell us to ignore what you get up to when its enacted pretty much unilaterally on the world stage.

This isn't meant as a criticism, I'm just telling you why.

So don't threaten or dictate to us until you're marching up Whitehall! And even then we won't listen.
[ Parent ]

you had me at "perceived" (1.50 / 1) (#104)
by Lode Runner on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 01:28:59 PM EST

Not to criticize, but there's little evidence that your perception is more than tangential to the American reality.

What's wrong with unilateral action per se? Especially when others are unwilling and unable to act?

[ Parent ]

Thats why I said "perceived" (1.50 / 1) (#109)
by The Diary Section on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 01:41:24 PM EST

I don't necessarily agree with it, I really was just telling you. Its how people feel, the reelection of GWB has been taken as effectively proving the point (the weakness of John Kerry as any kind of alternative is not so much discussed however, a lot of people who would sign up to the above don't even know who he was, just that he wasn't Bush).

The discussion of unilateral action is kind of inherently circular when you put it like that (if others were willing to act it wouldn't be unilateral I guess). The argument is probably tied up in whether there is a genuine cause to act, ie. a "just war" is in the offing, but its hardly worth getting into (re: WMDs).

So don't threaten or dictate to us until you're marching up Whitehall! And even then we won't listen.
[ Parent ]

They don't (2.00 / 2) (#116)
by shinshin on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 04:35:35 PM EST

Why do Canadians and Western Europeans get so upset when Americans take pride in the USA? And what's up with the constant need to try to take America down a few pegs?

They don't. They only get upset when they see Americans so blinded by nationalism that they don't question their leaders, and when they observe that Americans don't seem to bat an eyelash when their leaders lie to them, again and again, on matters so grave as war and peace. Because, you know, Europeans had those kinds of problems a little while ago, and they are still rebuilding from the consequences.



____
We believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons --Dick Cheney, Meet the Press, March 16, 2003
[ Parent ]
If they'd internalized the lessons of WWII, (2.60 / 5) (#117)
by Lode Runner on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 04:47:57 PM EST

then they would've, you know, done something meaningful to stop Slobbo, Saddam, the Rwandan genocide, Putin in Chechnya, Fidel, and your good friend Hugo Chavez. And if they're so enlightened, then why are they agigating to sell arms to China?

Forgive me if I don't take their pious appeals to history at face value.

[ Parent ]

Pious appeals (2.00 / 2) (#118)
by shinshin on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 05:01:47 PM EST

If they'd internalized the lessons of WWII, then they would've, you know, done something meaningful to stop Slobbo, Saddam, the Rwandan genocide, Putin in Chechnya, Fidel, and your good friend Hugo Chavez.
Bosina was a NATO operation, and the first Gulf War (you know, the one that wasn't based on lies) was a United Nations operation. European powers participated in both.

The lack of intervention in Rwanda was a disgrace all around, I won't defend that.

And if you are a proponent of a European military invasion of Russia, Cuba, and Venezuela, then you are even more of a violent nut than I had diagnosed you to be.

And if they're so enlightened, then why are they agigating to sell arms to China?

The same reason that we are selling F-16s to both India and Pakistan: because they are greedy and short-sighted. I'm no Euro-apologist: I'm just correcting your incorrect statement that "Canadians and Western Europeans get so upset when Americans take pride in the USA". If you could see past your own jingoist knee-jerk FOX-news reaction to everything, you'd be able to see that.

____
We believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons --Dick Cheney, Meet the Press, March 16, 2003
[ Parent ]

don't delude yourself (2.00 / 2) (#120)
by Lode Runner on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 05:26:51 PM EST

Bosina was a NATO operation, and the first Gulf War [...] was a United Nations operation. European powers participated in both.

In both of these instances, the USA took the initiative while some of the Europeans went along for the ride. Or take the case of overthrowing the Taliban: Schroeder stood a good chance of being toppled over his decision to make a relatively paltry contribution to that effort.

Europe isn't even wielding its "soft power". It could, for instance, do much to curtail Castro by discouraging tourism and actually trying to isolate him when he throws dissidents in jail.

Just because a bunch of Guardianistas share your politics on American foreign policy doesn't validate your position.

[ Parent ]

My army is bigger than yours (3.00 / 2) (#123)
by shinshin on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 05:59:49 PM EST

In both of these instances, the USA took the initiative while some of the Europeans went along for the ride.

And hooray for us. What's your point?

Or take the case of overthrowing the Taliban: Schroeder stood a good chance of being toppled over his decision to make a relatively paltry contribution to that effort.

Any hooray for him. He made the right decision despite potential electoral consequences. What's your point?

Europe isn't even wielding its "soft power". It could, for instance, do much to curtail Castro by discouraging tourism and actually trying to isolate him when he throws dissidents in jail.

And shame on them. What does this have to do with anything? As I previously mentioned, I'm not a Euro-apologist.

Just because a bunch of Guardianistas share your politics on American foreign policy doesn't validate your position.

No, but combine the Guardian with every other remaining credible journal, then I have a pretty big army backing me up. Who, specifically, is backing your view of US Foreign Policy? The Weekly Standard, Front Page Magazine, the National Review, and all 175 Rupert Murdoch newspapers, which should be regarded as a single source. That's it. And yet you still refuse to admit that your side has been proven catastrophically wrong and shamefully deceitful, and with horrific consequences.

One of these days you are going to acknowledge that your Straussian pals owe their intellectual legacy less to Plato and more to Goebbels, and I'll be there ready to congratulate you.



____
We believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons --Dick Cheney, Meet the Press, March 16, 2003
[ Parent ]
tu quoque (none / 1) (#126)
by Lode Runner on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 06:55:46 PM EST

Your hopes of manufacturing consent via discursive control, as you're clearly advocating, is Goebbelsian at its core. In Michael Moore you've even got the agitprop thing going!

You're welcome to point out specific intersections of Strauss and Goebbels (though Heidegger is the more apt counterpart), but we both know you'll never find anything that isn't superficial or isn't broadly derivative of major tenets of Western thinking (see below). One-time K5er Harry Browne tried the neo-con/Goebbels bit not long ago. . .

That old, lefty mandarin (and Guardian favorite) Eric Hobsbawm revealed a lot when he claimed that he would've become a Nazi had he not been Jewish. The moral of the story being that you, I, Marxists, neo-cons, liberals, greens, Nazis are all peas in the Enlightenment's pod.

[ Parent ]

No fair, I called you Goebbelsian first! (none / 0) (#128)
by shinshin on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 07:38:01 PM EST

Your hopes of manufacturing consent via discursive control [...]

I asked you a simple question: what credible source backs up your views of US foreign policy? Hitchens? Kristol? Hannity? Please, do share with us your eminent list of great thinkers; I could use a chuckle.

You're welcome to point out specific intersections of Strauss and Goebbels [...]

If you call Strauss' defense of the "noble lie" a "superficial" similarity to the philosophy of Goebbels, then you either know much less about Strauss than you imply, or you are simply blind or stupid. They both view the democratic process as a useful tool of State, rather than vice versa, which is the source of their apologetics for State lies. They both believe the ends justify the means. The great tragedy is that while Goebbels knew perfectly well he was a monster, Strauss seems to have thought that these tactics can be harnessed for the benefit of a more peaceful and just world. He's been proven wrong.

you, I, Marxists, neo-cons, liberals, greens, Nazis are all peas in the Enlightenment's pod

Some fruit ripens, some fruit rots.



____
We believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons --Dick Cheney, Meet the Press, March 16, 2003
[ Parent ]
make up your mind! (none / 0) (#130)
by Lode Runner on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 09:20:01 PM EST

Is it Plato or Goebbels who's Strauss's inspiration? It was silly to bring up the dichotomy, so let's dismiss it. Again, you'd have a stronger case with Heidegger. And even there you'd be hard-put to argue that Strauss was really all that influential on neo-conservative thinking.

I asked you a simple question: what credible source backs up your views of US foreign policy?

You mean other than millions of Iraqis and Afghans?

[ Parent ]

Yes, all that influential (none / 0) (#131)
by shinshin on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 09:59:27 PM EST

Is it Plato or Goebbels who's Strauss's inspiration? It was silly to bring up the dichotomy, so let's dismiss it. Again, you'd have a stronger case with Heidegger.

I brought up no dichotomy. What are you talking about? Both Strauss and Goebbels took Plato's "noble lie" and applied it to modern politics. Will you at least acknowledge that? Do you really claim that this is a superficial similarity?

And even there you'd be hard-put to argue that Strauss was really all that influential on neo-conservative thinking.

That statement is laughable. I mean, have you seen the list of Strauss' former students and what they've been doing for the past 25 years?

You mean other than millions of Iraqis and Afghans?

The fact that you are too timid or too embarrassed to list those disgraced thinkers who share your reprehensible views on foreign policy speaks volumes.



____
We believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons --Dick Cheney, Meet the Press, March 16, 2003
[ Parent ]
oh I get it (none / 0) (#143)
by Lode Runner on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 06:01:19 AM EST

Iraqis and Afghans can't be "thinkers". Well, that's lefty paternalism for ya!

I've my doubts you've done much reading beyond Juan Cole, dKos, and related blogs but if you'd like to pretend your politics have some kind of theoretical grounding, you can go ahead and list your influences. No googlesies!

p.s. -- Goebbels wasn't a philosopher. He might've read Plato, but there's no evidence he thought deeply about the conflicting interests of the individual and society.

p.p.s. -- I also don't think the neo-cons are or were ever very influential. Nor do I think their disparate ideological priorities could be reduced to Strauss, as much as certain parties at the University of Chicago would like that to be the case.

[ Parent ]

Oh, come on (none / 0) (#152)
by shinshin on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 12:49:34 PM EST

Your evasions are getting embarrassing for me to watch. Show me a single prominent thinker who shares your well-documented views on US foreign policy. Just one, that's all I ask.

____
We believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons --Dick Cheney, Meet the Press, March 16, 2003
[ Parent ]
chicken /nt (none / 0) (#154)
by Lode Runner on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 01:07:48 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Just a single one (none / 0) (#155)
by shinshin on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 01:43:57 PM EST

It's a very simple question. Why do you find it so difficult to answer? Are you ashamed? Just one name.

____
We believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons --Dick Cheney, Meet the Press, March 16, 2003
[ Parent ]
after you, please /nt (none / 0) (#164)
by Lode Runner on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 03:16:21 PM EST



[ Parent ]
That's what I figured /nt (none / 0) (#180)
by shinshin on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 02:17:54 PM EST



____
We believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons --Dick Cheney, Meet the Press, March 16, 2003
[ Parent ]
c'mon, I need a laugh. . . /nt (none / 0) (#182)
by Lode Runner on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 03:16:25 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Chicken? Why yes, yes you are [NT] (none / 0) (#166)
by kraant on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 05:13:30 PM EST


--
"kraant, open source guru" -- tumeric
Never In Our Names...
[ Parent ]
Lack of perspective (2.50 / 2) (#119)
by The Diary Section on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 05:23:53 PM EST

About half of Europe was told something similar just before World War 2 kicked off. Remember, Germany was just rounding up terrorists and defending itself against aggression to protect freedom and liberty. You have a very American view of the lessons of World War 2 if you don't mind me saying.

So don't threaten or dictate to us until you're marching up Whitehall! And even then we won't listen.
[ Parent ]

Building up the Volksgemeinschaft (3.00 / 2) (#122)
by Lode Runner on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 05:47:23 PM EST

was not about protecting "freedom and liberty," though it's true that before they started fighting the Soviets the Nazi leadership often depicted the Reich's adventures abroad as a mission of liberation (mainly of Germans living outside Germany). Plenty of Germans, Italians, and their wishers-well bought into fascism precisely because of its anti-democratic, anti-liberal principles. They wanted order and purpose, not freedom.

Nothing personal, but you're woefully ignorant of European history if you believe that the rise of fascism has an analog in present-day America.

[ Parent ]

Not as such (2.75 / 4) (#124)
by The Diary Section on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 06:11:21 PM EST

heres your problem; when an American uses the terms freedom and liberty they are not understood by the world at large in the same way the domestic audience understands them. Bush sounds like a crazy dangerous man when he uses such language. I get what he means, but the entire population of Europe can't be shipped to a museum tour of Philadelphia and DC until they finally get it (which I did recently). Its hard to explain the difference but the words "liberty" and "freedom" outside the US strongly imply "liberty from XXXX" and "freedom from XXXX". They don't as such stand as states of being in their own right (told you it was hard to explain). As such they can be used nonspecifically to support any kind of action for any real underlying motivation. Fascism was certainly about freedom from certain malign presences and pressures to preserve "liberty". Presidential script writers need to figure this one out IMHO.

The lesson much of Europe took from WW2 is the militarism is not the answer and one shouldn't be lead down to the garden path into unjust wars and that organised non-unilateral action is dangerous. The quick version of this is that its the same as the lesson the US took from WW1. I guess it depends on your perspective on the League of Nations and the UN. One argument says they fail inherently to stop war and we should act unilaterally. The other argues that our failure to succeed in these ways inevitably leads to war so we should try all the harder.

So don't threaten or dictate to us until you're marching up Whitehall! And even then we won't listen.
[ Parent ]

oops (none / 0) (#125)
by The Diary Section on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 06:13:19 PM EST

"unorganised unilateral" I was trying to remove a lot of double negatives and got distracted.

So don't threaten or dictate to us until you're marching up Whitehall! And even then we won't listen.
[ Parent ]

I mostly agree (none / 1) (#127)
by Lode Runner on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 07:23:45 PM EST

I'll add two things:

1) if the UN actually followed its charter, many more Americans would support it.

2) if it's reasonable to insist that the American political class be more sensitive to European history, it's also reasonable to insist that those who shape Europe's discourse make an effort to explain American political rhetoric in its own historical context.

[ Parent ]

Ummm (none / 1) (#137)
by shinshin on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 03:36:11 AM EST

if the UN actually followed its charter, many more Americans would support it.

Oh yeah? You mean the charter that states: "All Members shall settle their international disputes by peaceful means in such a manner that international peace and security, and justice, are not endangered"? Which parts of the charter, precisely, do you think that the UN is not following?

It's one thing to overtly despise the UN (which you do) just because you're a pro-war asshole. It's another thing altogether to pretend that they have somehow betrayed the ideals under which they were founded. They haven't. We have.

____
We believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons --Dick Cheney, Meet the Press, March 16, 2003
[ Parent ]

it's unsurprising (none / 0) (#141)
by Lode Runner on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 05:22:46 AM EST

that you were compelled to point to the Kofi's minions' explanation of the charter rather than the charter itself.

Does the phrase "reaffirm faith in fundamental human rights, in the dignity and worth of the human person" ring a bell? Does putting Moammar Gaddafi in charge of the UN Human Rights Commission seem even remotely compatible with that noble mission? How about laundering money for Saddam?

Have you even read the UDHR? What's the UN done to uphold it lately? Implementing a regime to line cronies' pockets with kickbacks from dictators doesn't count.

[ Parent ]

Kofi's minions? (none / 1) (#151)
by shinshin on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 12:47:01 PM EST

it's unsurprising that you were compelled to point to the Kofi's minions' explanation of the charter rather than the charter itself.

What are you talking about? The text I pointed to is taken directly from the UN Charter, not something that "Kofi's minions" came up with. In the end, even you will be forced to admin that the UN was formed primarily to prevent war, not enable it. Right?

[... usual laundry list of anti-UN talking points ...]

Yeah, they aren't perfect. What would you prefer? Straight-up US hegemony? Separate bi-lateral agreements for everything? The UN is the best we've got, and I advise you to take that into consideration before you parrot the hateful propaganda that's being fed to you by people who, I guarantee, don't share your values.



____
We believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons --Dick Cheney, Meet the Press, March 16, 2003
[ Parent ]
Why don't you support human rights? (none / 0) (#153)
by Lode Runner on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 01:07:24 PM EST

    [... progressive/interventionist apologia snipped..]
If you won't address substantive points why continue this conversation?

[ Parent ]
I did (none / 1) (#156)
by shinshin on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 01:44:06 PM EST

The UN is following it's charter, and no amount of sophomoric revisionism on your part is going to change that fact. I repeat: the UN is dedicated to preventing war. If you deny that, you are simply denying reality.

As for human rights, I do support them, and, I'll add, more broadly than you do (given that your targets for criticism have a suspiciously large overlap with those people on the National Review's hit list).

____
We believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons --Dick Cheney, Meet the Press, March 16, 2003
[ Parent ]

why bother having the UDHR, then? (none / 1) (#163)
by Lode Runner on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 03:15:43 PM EST

I can think of several cases where protecting human rights might interfere with the mission of preventing wars. And it's not like the UN hasn't participated in wars. Remember Korea?

[ Parent ]
Remembering Korea (none / 0) (#197)
by shinshin on Mon Sep 12, 2005 at 01:38:48 PM EST

I can think of several cases where protecting human rights might interfere with the mission of preventing wars.

Certainly. And those cases are tricky. They try to intervene in Somalia, and you wingnuts scream for us to withdraw from the UN. They don't intervene in Rwanda, and you wingnuts call them indifferent to human suffering. You criticize the UN just because you hate them and want to see the US withdraw, not because you are actually interested in improving the (very necessary, successful, and popular) institution.

And it's not like the UN hasn't participated in wars. Remember Korea?

Yes, and dozens of other military actions that prevent "threats to the peace, breaches of the peace, or acts of aggression." I'm sorry they don't sign off on every little war of aggression that you people want to wage, but it's just not in their mandate.



____
We believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons --Dick Cheney, Meet the Press, March 16, 2003
[ Parent ]
apology accepted (none / 0) (#198)
by Lode Runner on Mon Sep 12, 2005 at 10:54:36 PM EST

    Yes, and dozens of other military actions that prevent "threats to the peace, breaches of the peace, or acts of aggression."
How does the regime in Sudan not meet every single one of those conditions? And what's the UN done to stop these atrocities other than to play gotcha with Bush and declare them "not a genocide"?

    I'm sorry they don't sign off on every little war of aggression that you people want to wage, but it's just not in their mandate.
War of aggression? You're sounding more and more like Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. I gotta wonder, are you anti-(preemptive)war or just plain old cheering for the other side?

[ Parent ]
anti-(preemptive)war (none / 0) (#199)
by shinshin on Mon Sep 12, 2005 at 11:21:21 PM EST

How does the regime in Sudan not meet every single one of those conditions? And what's the UN done to stop these atrocities other than to play gotcha with Bush and declare them "not a genocide"?

Sudan does meet it. Shame on them for not intervening, and shame on us for not even bringing it up to the Security Council. You seem to be under the weird impression that the UN is some entity external to its constituent member nations. You cannot accuse the UN of inaction; you can only accuse the member nations of inaction (Security Council members moreso than others).

War of aggression? You're sounding more and more like Abu Musab al-Zarqawi.

Actually, it was the Pope that declared Iraq a war of aggression. You really are an ignorant little man, aren't you? Maybe you should read up on the doctrine of just war for some theory to help you judge which conflicts you should invest your spittle and rage in, since you're clearly being ill-served by whichever vile and disgraced sources that you persistently refuse to enumerate in public.



____
We believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons --Dick Cheney, Meet the Press, March 16, 2003
[ Parent ]
Blessed Aloysius Stepinac (none / 0) (#200)
by Lode Runner on Tue Sep 13, 2005 at 02:45:11 AM EST

hasn't yet answered my prayers for W to stop warmongering, but I'll keep trying! Ah well, maybe in a thousand years or so, the Vatican will get around to apologizing for abandoning Iraqis to Saddam.

As for the UN, it's an organization with considerable innate power. Were its direction and actions merely the sum of the direction and actions of its constituent member states, then you'd be hard-pressed to justify its existence. Given its charter and autonomy, the UN's administration certainly could've at least agitated for action on Sudan. Bush sure would've looked bad if they'd succeeded.

[ Parent ]

good intentions (none / 0) (#136)
by oe800 on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 02:01:30 AM EST

A lot of times ppl like to think they are risking their lives for some noble cause. Freedom was just handy, I don't even know what it means anymore - I just make sure to read the fine print whenever I see the word. If you think about it, maybe it's a weak analogy, it's a good thing nobody thinks about it - 'cos we're all immune to propaganda now that we took classes.

I mean, /sometimes/ maybe you have armies marching simply to lay waste and eradicate some ppls - but they're probably pissed off in retaliation mode. Initially you got to muster an army and if you didn't usurp one then you have to convince ppl(farmers and stuff) they are doing the right thing before you have the momentum to drive veterans towards revenge. Farmers aren't veterans yet and surely they have better things to do without a (noble cause here) to motivate them.

I never took any history so... but I'm just saying - these days, in America and from what I've seen from war movies & all. :)

...from this book (GulagArchipelago) this official wanted to increase the capacity of trains to keep up with demand (they eventually did, but for this poor fool who pioneered the idea) ...for whatever reason, another official had him prosecuted for [conspiring to overload the trains and disrupt the transportation infrastructure by wearing out the rails] The point being that they had all these laws, presumably, out of a desire for doing the right thing. America too, cannot even accept foreign aid in NO because of the bearuacacy involved. There are zillions of laws and I can see a parallel in our present state of riteousness and the stifiling beauracracy of the Nazi's where you dare not insist the necessary emergency measure to a superior or you might find your precious career ended. Ppl got bills.

I just think the analogy could work, the Nazi's didn't have pitchforks, etc. just because of what their leaders did. They followed their orders out of fear, because technically, anything they did could be construed as terrorism or valor depending on how you presented the idea. America has it's lucrative legal system and army of lawyers - /anything/ can be construed as a crime with the right marketing. As for 'freedom & liberty' I think liberties have been taken with the definition of freedom.

I didn't read that book, it's just some half remembered excerpt, but it sounded like an interesting book. I guess you eduacated ppl have already read it.
Do not needlessly endanger your lives until I give you the signal. -- http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Dwight_D._Eisenhower
[ Parent ]

They followed orders. . . (none / 1) (#165)
by Lode Runner on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 03:45:42 PM EST

mostly because they agreed with the orders and trusted the people who gave them. You want a good read on this sort of stuff, check out Alison Owings's Frauen: German Women Recall the Third Reich.

[ Parent ]
Foolish to assume it is an analog, (none / 1) (#168)
by daani on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 03:25:50 AM EST

but the difference is mainly quantitive, not qualitive (the same difference between scratching your ass and clawing it to bits - no small distinction).

It seems a bit of a stretch to say that anyone bought into Fascism purely because it was "un-democratic", except in the sense that people sometimes believe democracies are unable to act decisively and are therefore weak. The same belief persists in America and the west today - this is the main argument against proportional representation, which most people accept is more "democratic".

The idea of "anti-liberalism" is also common in th US today - witness the president just elected on "moral values", the endless ranting about hollywood liberals, complaints that Spanish has become a defacto language in some areas, or the crusade against gay marraige and unofficial immigration. This is all about keeping American society "American", and not letting it change in directions prefered by people considered "outsiders".

Sure, it's stupid to pretend that Bush is Hitler or that America is about to start gassing homosexuals. But also a little blinkered to pretend that the rise of the right-wing in a big government context is not a dangerous phenomena.

[ Parent ]

No, it's qualitative (none / 1) (#184)
by Lode Runner on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 04:49:30 PM EST

Fomenting totalitarianism in the USA shouldn't be seen exclusively as a right-wing activity. Greens, for instance, have a fascistic streak a mile wide.

Anyone who tries to weaken the First or Second Amendments of the US Constitution is a danger to Americans' liberty. Whatever their ideologies, all totalitarian regimes have two things in common: they don't tolerate their constituents being able to publically say what they please; and they bar citizens' access to the means to counter violent intimidation.

[ Parent ]

Well, (none / 0) (#206)
by daani on Tue Sep 13, 2005 at 09:36:46 AM EST

It's true that extremism in any direction tends to arrive at totalitarianism. And since most political ideologies are present in various forms in the United States it's fair to say that there are totalitarian threats to be found in a variety of groups.

But it is a little silly to compare a shrill minority group like the Greens to the guys that are actually running the country. Half the reason such groups seem so extreme is that they only make the news when a particularly radical sect makes some ridiculous statement. Make no mistake, in America today the threat comes from the right. It would take a generation for the political climate to swing far enough in any other direction to cause a problem.

And while I'm not a complete anti-gun nut, the argument that the citizenry should be armed to protect against the government is fine in theory, but quite ludicrous today. I mean seriously, you and your handgun are all that's keeping the government in check? GWB sits in the whitehouse thinking "I'd really love to declare martial law everywhere, but the people still have their guns. Damn!". I don't think so. Plurality and a distributed system are the only protections, and the United States has them in place better than most.

[ Parent ]

agree (3.00 / 2) (#108)
by zenofchai on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 01:37:01 PM EST

Those sentiments are always troubling, but when your country is a stinking shithole of racism, poverty and greed it's really time to rethink your moronic loyalty to a flag.

Most people are sheep. They do not realise (or more likely, refuse to accept) that their country is like this. Even in the face of all the footage, stories, etc coming out of New Orleans, the vast majority will refuse to accept (perhaps not even conciously) the massive problems. Nearly all will refuse any connection with themselves and culpability for the state of things. These are the same people who file in droves to buy sweat-shop mass-produced goods at the cheapest possible prices, not stopping to think of how these prices are achieved, to whom the profit is going, what the repurcussions of continuing to funnel money to these interests are, etc.

Eject! Eject! Eject!: TRIBES

(note: I do not agree with everything said in the above linked essay or likely many of the author's views, just a link, nothing more.)
--
The K5 Interactive Political Compass SVG Graph
[ Parent ]

so you can't find humour (none / 0) (#110)
by I LOATHE TROLLS on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 01:45:38 PM EST

in something you find disappointing?

why not?

[ Parent ]

Americans are bad, Europeans are worse (2.50 / 4) (#121)
by originalbigj on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 05:32:02 PM EST

Europe treats Muslims like slaves. Case in point, Denmark, which assumes anyone who moves to Denmark for economic reasons wants to become fully Danish, ie, a dick. Northern Europe, in fact, actually treats Southern Europeans like garbage as well.

Australians have only recently (1970s) stopped kidnapping mixed race (white and Aborigine) babies in order to breed the Aborigine out of them. Mexico and pretty much all of South and Central America treat people completely differently based on their skin color. Japan hates foreigners.

The US is not the only racist country, or even the most racist. I would argue that race relations are pretty good here compared to everywhere else except Canada. However, if you get all your information from the news and the internet, you only see the worst, and miss the very nice relationships that most Americans have with people of other races.

[ Parent ]

yeah, right (3.00 / 2) (#133)
by Battle Troll on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 10:08:23 PM EST

That's why Western Europe can't fall over itself fast enough to help out those Zigeunerhalbern' Romanians who've lost their houses in the flooding this year.
--
Skarphedinn was carrying the axe with which he had killed Thrainn Sigfusson and which he called 'Battle Troll.'
Njal's Saga, ca 1280 AD
[ Parent ]
speaking of racism... (none / 1) (#162)
by Delirium on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 03:12:44 PM EST

...what is the general opinion of Turks in Germany, or Muslims in general in France? Oh, and in Spain a large group of people actually openly chanted racial slurs at a football match. In Italy, the Facists are actually still in parliament, led by Miss Mussolini herself.

[ Parent ]
I have lived in all places you are mentioning. (2.66 / 3) (#171)
by Tezcatlipoca on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 10:26:40 AM EST

Lived matey, like earning a salary  and having to relate to the locals in a daily basis.

And with all due respect the US was the worst.

Every single activity is tainted by how you look and about your possible racial profile, the more you travel to the South, the worse it gets.

The only place ever where I was atopped while peacefully walking was the US, Houston actually.
 Yeah, that town where the Astrodome is, what a conicidence. Most likely I was not white enough to be wandering around in a rich area.

Did I have a criminal record? Nope.
Was I trying to commit a crime? Nope.
Did I look suspicious? I believe not. I was clean shaven wearing jeans and a T-shirt.

Was my crime to look different? Yeah, you bet.

The only place where somebody threatened not to serve me in a restaurant was also the US. Had it  not been for a "white" friend travelling with me at the time, I would have been thrown out of the place ("no wetbacks on my stablishment" is what he said. Had it not been the only stop in our way to where we were going we would have left. THis was 1998, not sometime back in he 50s or 60s, like if that would have made it any more acceptable).

I have been in the rich neighborhoods in Hamburg, Hannover, Berlin, Vienna, Barcelona, Madrid or Paris. Many times. I have never ever suffered such indignities enywhere in Europe (where I sometimes am mistaken by Pakistani or Arab).

But I have been also in rough areas, with a "white" majority population, and have not been harrased.

Racism does exist in Europe but it is part of a fringe small minority in all countries we are talking about.

In a football match with 40000 you have 200 or 300 chanting racists slurs and it appears plastered on all the tabloid diaries. The silent majority, guilty of doing nothing certainly, ignores them ashamed but does not join.

So take my anecdotes as you wish, my little bit of anectodal evidence says you are mistaken in your perceptions on regards to Europeans and racism.


Might is right
Freedom? Which freedom?
[ Parent ]

try the same thing wearing a turban (none / 0) (#177)
by Delirium on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 12:38:45 PM EST

You will find quite a bit more hostility, especially in France, but generally everywhere around Europe.

[ Parent ]
and what's more (none / 0) (#178)
by Delirium on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 12:41:51 PM EST

Not only would you encounter discrimination from the general populace, but from the government as well: In France, people wearing turbans are not permitted to attend public schools.

[ Parent ]
Same with crucifixes <nt> (none / 1) (#192)
by bml on Mon Sep 12, 2005 at 05:55:03 AM EST



The Internet is vast, and contains many people. This is the way of things. -- Russell Dovey
[ Parent ]
only 'excessively large ones' (none / 0) (#194)
by Delirium on Mon Sep 12, 2005 at 10:11:57 AM EST

Smallish crucifixes are apparently ok.

[ Parent ]
you ppl need to get a grip (1.75 / 8) (#92)
by kbudha on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 10:35:35 AM EST

I'm American and I find this article funny. I especially like the choose your own adventure format.
First and foremost, this is not racist. I've been around crackheads, unfortunately, and this is dam close to how they act and think. The fact that most crack addicts are poor-income, african-americans....well hey if the shoe fits, wear it.
I for one can't wait for the majority of the back community to form a working middle class. Keep your culture, Whitey isn't trying to take that away. At least not this Whitey. But for God's sake stop the violence, and drugs, and gangs. That's whatz fucking up your neighborhoods and turning them into ghettos.
And stop being dependent on the govt(welfare,etc.), the govt obviously don't give a fuck about yall. Hell, the govt doesn't give a fuck about white ppl either. Well they care about rich white people. Once again, not this Whitey.
Lastly, to all America haters. Why is it when India gets hit with a tsunami, who's the first ones in? Thats right, USA.
Wal-mart has contributed 20 million in relief aid money, thats more than any other country has donated.
Hey you guys are right, the US should stop trying to be the watchdog of the civilized world. We should focus on just our own country for the 20 years or so till we're even farther ahead then we already are.
Next time there's a natural disaster in say, Austrailia, you guys are on your own.
COMMENCE WITH THE BITCHING TROLLS


"BLACK" (none / 0) (#93)
by kbudha on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 10:38:48 AM EST

whoops forgot the L. need to start doing it in word with spell check

[ Parent ]
Wouldn't have helped (none / 0) (#96)
by Cro Magnon on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 10:50:50 AM EST

since "back" is also a word. Just not the word you meant. :)
Information wants to be beer.
[ Parent ]
"First to india" (3.00 / 2) (#147)
by ksandstr on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 09:31:56 AM EST

That's, quite frankly, if not bullshit then awfully close. You'll recall that the tsunami of just-past-ecksmas 2004 hit Thailand, Indonesia and Malaysia the worst; India was quite distant in the list of who had it worst. Indeed, it might be well said that the main reason you'd have got first to India with that aid of yours is that India, being a comparatively prosperous nation, had expressed that they could handle most of their damages themselves and that aid should be focused on the areas closest to the original submarine earthquake.

Of course you might have just meant "India" in the sense of "anything to the east of the late Ottoman empire", though I doubt that.

Fin.
[ Parent ]

Not quite right (none / 1) (#149)
by shm on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 10:38:28 AM EST

India: prosperous? Compared to some countries, yes.

Tsunami help: It was initially refused on the grounds that it "should be directed towards those affected countries unable to manage the crisis." I don't know if that changed later on.

But that apart, didn't the that swedish guy in the UN publicly shame Bush for his initial stingy response? I guess Bush needs to shamed into action.

[ Parent ]

India refused aid. Period. (none / 0) (#217)
by Sattwic on Mon Sep 26, 2005 at 01:40:52 AM EST

quote:  It was initially refused on the grounds that it "should be directed towards those affected countries unable to manage the crisis." I don't know if that changed later on.

You try to give that idea that after 'initially' refusing outside Help, India then got all the money it can collect... but you are honest enough to admit that you don't KNOW!

Probably you might not know that India has sent 20 million $ aid to American Red Cross Society towards the Katrina effort, matching the aid that US pledged for S.A. Tsunami relief.

[ Parent ]

Wrong interpretation (none / 0) (#218)
by shm on Tue Sep 27, 2005 at 12:01:22 PM EST

You try to give that idea that after 'initially' refusing outside Help, India then got all the money it can collect... but you are honest enough to admit that you don't KNOW!

I was trying to say that I knew that when the tsunami hit, they refused aid. After a few weeks, I lost track of events and I have no idea what happened later on.

You think too much. Relax. Have a cigar. Troll the Bushies.

[ Parent ]

Walmart... (none / 1) (#172)
by Tezcatlipoca on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 10:29:33 AM EST

.... is a multinational coporation, it is not USian (it is only form a legal point of view because it has to be incorporated somewhere).

Might is right
Freedom? Which freedom?
[ Parent ]
founded in America (none / 0) (#211)
by kbudha on Wed Sep 14, 2005 at 04:26:17 PM EST

by an American.
Still currently owned by Americans.

[ Parent ]
Novel use of HTML (1.16 / 18) (#97)
by jabber on Fri Sep 09, 2005 at 11:08:59 AM EST

Especially for an ignorant RACIST FUCK.

[TINK5C] |"Is K5 my kapusta intellectual teddy bear?"| "Yes"

+1 FP BEST FICTION EVER (1.12 / 8) (#134)
by tweetsybefore on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 12:11:26 AM EST



I'm racist and I hate niggers.
Good thing this is fiction (2.14 / 7) (#135)
by GMonie on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 01:44:47 AM EST

Good thing this is fiction or I would have thought that the creator was a racist. But since reality is the opposite of fiction, the opposite of all that is written in this story MUST be reality. As an African-American, I'm an equal opportunist and I too hate niggers. But I also hate crackers. Both are the scum of both races. From the project to the trailer park you will find BOTH.(too bad there are more in the trailer parks than in the projects. But that's another story for another time.) I hate anyone who pulls themselves, their race and their country down.

The funniest thing (2.66 / 3) (#139)
by epepke on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 04:23:59 AM EST

One of the Goooooogle ads that came up read as follows:

Rap Hip Hop Ringtones
Find All Of The Popular Ringtones. Select & Download Yours Today!
www.3gUpload.com


The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.--Terry Pratchett


Goooogle = worst troll ever (3.00 / 7) (#142)
by The Diary Section on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 05:23:51 AM EST

Over at HuSi their front page has:

Dealing with suicide
How to cope and find answers No punishment for ending life

Have you got depression
Be Happy Again, Connect To Others Enjoy Family, Friends, Avoid Stress

Suicide thoughts?
Take this quick test to find answers.

ROFL ROFL ROFL.

So don't threaten or dictate to us until you're marching up Whitehall! And even then we won't listen.
[ Parent ]

damn, now i need some sockpuppet accounts (none / 1) (#176)
by flaw on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 11:54:00 AM EST

so i can 3-rate that comment more than once

--
ピニス, ピニス, everyone loves ピニス!
[ Parent ]
I am suprised (1.27 / 11) (#140)
by urizen on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 04:24:29 AM EST

I am truly suprised to see such a thing in K5. Being a long reader of the "Technology and culture, from the trenches", 3 years or more, that is the last site I was expecting to see stuff like that. Before going flame on I want to remind you people some facts: 1-) A study from UCLA, (I think) shows black people can not receive educational and medical attention like whites do. The infant death rate is very high when you put in scale. 6 babies out of 10 is dying. I can hear your shouts of "But they are using drugs" yeah they are using drugs but what can you expect guys? These are people who are dragged down to trenches... real trenches of American society. Can't get a decent education; can't get a decent medical attention. So this is like this. You bring a dog from its homeland in chains. You let it free but don't care about it, forget its meals, injections and so on, but tell your neighbors that you treat it like any dog they owned so when the dog does not obey your commands; you just kick it in the groin and whine. Or more commonly you just shoot the brains outta it. And you call that dog "BAD". Is that fair? 2- When you look to the history of mankind please name one thing that one black guy has took part into: - Holocaust (of Jews, American Indians and so on) - Nuclear bomb - Extinction of Dodo and various flora and fauna extinctions. - Terrorism Now isn't that odd... Yet they are treated like they acted... no they CREATED these events. And I really can't understand one thing, how can anyone judge other for something(s) s/he don't have a choice. You can't choose your color and your family, right? Then why give the kick?
Be smart, use Opensource!
I should remind you of something (3.00 / 3) (#160)
by Delirium on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 03:09:07 PM EST

Nothing is sacred at Kuro5hin dot org.

[ Parent ]
And using dogs (none / 1) (#169)
by McArabian on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 03:58:23 AM EST

as an analogy to blacks is less offensive? That's one of the most disgusting comments I have ever come across here.

Yes, I'm serious.  

"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving."
[ Parent ]

About dogs (none / 1) (#170)
by urizen on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 05:07:58 AM EST

Well heinlein used THAT metaphor in Starship troopers while explaining the inadequacy of society's juvenile delinquent system, and it is about white society (well fuck my language I truly hate that racist shit allright). No offence there if anyone took. Sorry again :(
Be smart, use Opensource!
[ Parent ]
Heinlein is a moron, (none / 0) (#179)
by McArabian on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 02:06:48 PM EST

but thanks for clearing that up.

"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving."
[ Parent ]

funny (none / 0) (#188)
by phybre187 on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 08:09:17 PM EST

I've read Starship Troopers, and I don't remember that at all.

Also, Heinlein wrote Starship Troopers to contain a benevolent socialist dictatorship. Is that really the comparison you want to use? He wasn't one to identify the inadequacy of anything.

[ Parent ]

Ah allright (none / 0) (#190)
by urizen on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 09:22:56 PM EST

Ok, my comment was a retarded one I admit. Only trying to say judging people for things that they can't control or haven't got another choice is disgusting. White, black, hispanic... does the situation change?

At first, while reading the parent topic I thought it was based on real events and it did not struck me any way funny, and being a "tale" does not change my way of thinking. I am ashamed being a human while reading people found that as "funny". Racism, regardless of based on what, destroys everything what makes us human...

By the way I was not trying to be offensive.
Be smart, use Opensource!
[ Parent ]

FYI (none / 0) (#196)
by The Diary Section on Mon Sep 12, 2005 at 11:42:13 AM EST

He had singled me out  again. "Suppose  you  merely scolded your puppy, never  punished  him, let  him go on making messes  in the  house . . .  and occasionally locked him up  in an outbuilding but soon let him back into the house with a warning not to do it again. Then one day you notice that  he is now a grown dog and still  not  housebroken  -- whereupon you whip out a gun and shoot him dead. Comment, please?"

     "Why . . . that's the craziest way to raise a dog I ever heard of!"

     "I agree. Or a child. Whose fault would it be?"

     "Uh . . . why, mine, I guess."

     "Again I agree. But I'm not guessing."

I thought it was a stupid metaphor when Heinlein used it. There are reasons people are different from dogs. The poster added the racist colourings all on his own though.

So don't threaten or dictate to us until you're marching up Whitehall! And even then we won't listen.
[ Parent ]

Give me a fucking break. (none / 0) (#183)
by jax0m on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 03:59:47 PM EST

"It's not crime, it's POVERTY." That's a great line from the movie American History X. By no means am I racist. But let's be real. How about bringing personal responsability back into society. Example: He didn't kill his wife for no reason... It was a crime of passion. You know. The white man's burden, affimative action. All that type of shit. It's all a load of b/s. If I were black (which I'm not, although consider that both my parents are immigrants from India and the Dominican Republic, both speak English, both have created successful lives for themselves, and both have college educations) I think I'd have the same motivation and ambition to do something with my life nonwithstanding. NIGGA, please. <quote> These are people who are dragged down to trenches... real trenches of American society. </quote> Do you hear yourself when you speak? The TRENCHES of American Society? I'm in Iraq right now, and I've seen fucking trenches. People in American generally aren't starving to death. We've made sure of that, with our welfare programs and such. We're a lot better off than most of the rest of the world... And people have no excuse for being thieving, dirty, no-job-having pieces of shit. Sorry for the language.
---- It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them! - Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)
[ Parent ]
No empathy = broken perspective (none / 0) (#185)
by levesque on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 05:53:50 PM EST

How about bringing personal responsability back into society

Start at the top, in theory , you know, trickel down; in the personal sense, you can raise it in your own behavior.

And people have no excuse for being thieving, dirty, no-job-having pieces of shit.

It's an emotional context thing, there is no excuse

Sorry for the language.

Don't mind.

Look at the massively more amazing mounds of positive things happening in the wake of this incident. It's not easy, but the cynical climate of human nature, post 9/11 and stuff, is only a thin veneer. Well maybe since before that too; it's really easy for people to get along when human nature is a positive backwind.

[ Parent ]

ah, but (none / 1) (#187)
by phybre187 on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 08:02:05 PM EST

people have no excuse for being thieving, dirty, no-job-having pieces of shit

That's exactly what welfare perpetuates, though. As long as people can get something for nothing there is no personal responsibility for one's livelihood.

[ Parent ]
How true (3.00 / 2) (#215)
by deaddrunk on Sat Sep 24, 2005 at 02:21:41 PM EST

There were no criminals before social programmes were put into place, let's get rid of them all. That will magically solve all crime and everyone will magically get a good job and everyone will be really really nice to each other.

[ Parent ]
Q: What lives under bridges... (none / 0) (#186)
by phybre187 on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 07:48:44 PM EST

I don't remember when I got here, but my UID is about half of yours, and I've spent long periods of time away from this site. K5 now is about on par with Slashdot when I joined K5. That's a sad sad thing. And it's trolls like you that make it so.

Aside from that, you're not being especially offensive. I can see that you're trying, though. I might not mind the trolls if they all weren't so dumb. But every time one of you post all I read out of it is: "This is the best I could do at offending people, and I failed." It is a pathetic thing to see a person fail at their chosen profession.

[ Parent ]

In future, (2.90 / 11) (#144)
by Hung Fu on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 06:47:14 AM EST

can authors of CYOA stories include a link to the comment section at the top? I'm tired of scrolling down to get my fill of humourless whining

__
From Israel To Lebanon
has poopypeantuz taken over this site? (2.50 / 2) (#148)
by d s oliver h on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 10:13:11 AM EST

every time i come here there is another story by you on the front page. what gives?

Don't you have anything better to do? (1.66 / 3) (#150)
by elaineradford on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 12:01:47 PM EST

Pick up a hammer to rebuild, or get the hell out of the way of people who can.

David Duke, is that you?

Choose your own review (2.38 / 13) (#157)
by lgstarn on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 02:27:54 PM EST

You are a teenage white boy whose mom bought him a shiny new computer. You think that "poop" and "peanuts" are funny together. You see news on the television about people who are suffering from a natural disaster of unprecedented scale, noting that many of those who couldn't get out were black. Do you: a) Do your best to be apathetic. b) Make a story about a crack addict in New Orleans. Choose a) You change the channel, finding other entertainment to occupy you. You successfully push down the nagging urge for empathy like a bit of indigestion from some Wendy's chili your mom brought home last night. Fifty years later, fat and alone, you choke on a chicken bone. A few people feel obligated to attend your funeral, do their best to look affected, and life goes on. THE END Choose b) You write a story about a black crack addict in New Orleans based on every horrible sterotype you can think of. You excoriate blacks for being black and poor in order to show how they had it coming the whole time and are probably better off dead anyways. You give an important role to the KKK in order to score points for political incorrectness. Your moral nihilism alternately amuses and shocks various readers. Two years later, in a freak act of karmic retribution, you are smashed by a piano falling from the sky. Those who found the story funny find the same humor in your death, while those who were appalled think you had it coming. THE END

do you chose to rant with no paragraph breaks? (2.57 / 7) (#158)
by neozeed on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 02:47:26 PM EST

I mean it almost looks like there is a humerous response, but fuck I cant read that jibjab.

-----------------------
Unless you're alive you can't play. And if you don't play, you don't get to be alive.
[ Parent ]

you're an asshole (1.66 / 3) (#167)
by QuantumG on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 12:31:34 AM EST

Kuro5hin is freakin' broken and demands you use paragraph tags instead of just pressing enter twice like a normal person.

Gun fire is the sound of freedom.
[ Parent ]
I may be an asshole: (3.00 / 5) (#174)
by neozeed on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 10:52:42 AM EST

but I know how to use paragraphs.

Motherfucker.

-----------------------
Unless you're alive you can't play. And if you don't play, you don't get to be alive.
[ Parent ]

Of course it's broken. (none / 0) (#202)
by WonderJoust on Tue Sep 13, 2005 at 07:15:23 AM EST

If you can't use it correctly, there must be something inherently flawed within the system!

I mean, who the fuck could figure this shit out?

Certainly not silly people with names they made up while drunk and/or high.

And, I mean, shit, the preview button is just for sissies anyhow. A real man doesn't even read what he types.

_________________________________
i like your style: bitter, without being a complete cunt about it.
-birds ate my face
[ Parent ]

What a nincompoop... (none / 0) (#214)
by Anonymous #n on Tue Sep 20, 2005 at 11:35:33 AM EST

Now probably wouldn't be a good time for you to tell us one of your favorite Helen Keller jokes or to make fun of fat people.

[ Parent ]
Poopster Uber Alles (2.25 / 4) (#159)
by peaceink on Sat Sep 10, 2005 at 03:09:02 PM EST

I laughed, I cried, I went searching for dem rocks.... Look, Poopy was not indicting American blacks but merely speculating as to how a black crackhead might behave in a disaster. Good premise, good follow through. This kid will be on bookshelves someday...maybe having moved on to Thai magical realism and thus beyond satirical ghetto gutter culture, but whatever. We need to laugh at our foibles, otherwise the darkness becomes too much. well done poopster

Huh Huh. Now Let's Get Serious. (2.00 / 2) (#181)
by czolgosz on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 03:00:15 PM EST

Despite the exceedingly remote possibility of redeeming value in providing insight into the inner thoughts of a certain president and his FEMA political appointees, this slime should never have been on the FP.


Why should I let the toad work squat on my life? --Larkin
holy fuck (1.00 / 2) (#191)
by Linux or FreeBSD on Sun Sep 11, 2005 at 11:00:01 PM EST

that comment is so great it lags my browser. it contains more insight than internet explorer can handle.

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare for a shocker. (none / 1) (#204)
by WonderJoust on Tue Sep 13, 2005 at 07:52:13 AM EST

This is fiction.

This was not and will not be posted to a section where it is meant to be taken seriously. It is a satire of an admittedly tragic situation.

The fact that it made it to the front page gives it no more credence than, say, the crap I post to my diary; it's just funnier than most.

And I understand your moral high-horse doesn't allow for tragedy to be funny. You don't laugh when I ask why Superman didn't save the people in the WTC (because he's a parapalegic).

So get it through your bleeding-hearts: either you think it's funny or you don't. No one gives a shit either way. They're just going to make more fun of you if you bitch and you'll have to read more pot-shots you don't think are funny.

_________________________________
i like your style: bitter, without being a complete cunt about it.
-birds ate my face

what moral high-horse? (none / 0) (#205)
by The Diary Section on Tue Sep 13, 2005 at 08:04:36 AM EST

all I see is a lot of trolls crowing about "outrage" and so on amidst relatively few bites or dissenters. Seems ironic that the trolls think this article is more offensive than regular kurons do.

So don't threaten or dictate to us until you're marching up Whitehall! And even then we won't listen.
[ Parent ]

This was pure genius (2.50 / 2) (#207)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Tue Sep 13, 2005 at 01:49:27 PM EST

Think of the amount of planning you have to do to make a CYOA work properly. Very well done.

----------------

Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.

Racist? (1.00 / 2) (#210)
by atbarboz on Wed Sep 14, 2005 at 01:29:49 PM EST

Am I the only one who finds this racist?

Yes (none / 0) (#212)
by Reverend Moo on Wed Sep 14, 2005 at 04:59:08 PM EST



[ Parent ]
I loved it. (none / 1) (#213)
by Trystan on Fri Sep 16, 2005 at 11:03:07 AM EST

Disclaimer:  I'm white.

Yes, it's racist.  It's playing on every stereotype people have about a black man, poking fun at both the stereotype and the black man.  Deal with it.

Great creation.

-----
http://www.schkerke.com

interesting (none / 0) (#216)
by adrock on Sat Sep 24, 2005 at 07:37:25 PM EST

That alot of data.. perhaps a bait too much. William_s Hookah Information

was funny (none / 0) (#221)
by noOo on Sat Oct 22, 2005 at 04:48:40 PM EST

i thought it was kind of funny actually. i don't think he's racist, i think it was all in good fun. i really like the format though, was very well put together.

New Orleans: A Choose Your Own Adventure | 219 comments (185 topical, 34 editorial, 0 hidden)
Display: Sort:

kuro5hin.org

[XML]
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective companies. The Rest 2000 - Present Kuro5hin.org Inc.
See our legalese page for copyright policies. Please also read our Privacy Policy.
Kuro5hin.org is powered by Free Software, including Apache, Perl, and Linux, The Scoop Engine that runs this site is freely available, under the terms of the GPL.
Need some help? Email help@kuro5hin.org.
My heart's the long stairs.

Powered by Scoop create account | help/FAQ | mission | links | search | IRC | YOU choose the stories!