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[P]
Natalee Holloway Found Alive

By localroger in Fiction
Wed Apr 19, 2006 at 12:00:00 PM EST
Tags: News (all tags)
News

At first I didn't understand what I was being offered, and then I didn't believe it. But I've made no secret that I live in New Orleans, and the caller knew of me through one of my writings here -- though I'm sworn not to say just which one.

The neighborhood is in the east, where the power is still only on near the Interstate and the phones aren't on at all. Three weeks of flooding and months of neglect have left the streets buckled and littered with hazards; I drove with a second spare tire in the back seat and, some distance from the nearest sign of re-emerging civilization, found the address I'd been given. There was nothing to set it apart from the others; they were all badly flooded, past the ceiling, and the neighborhood's prospects were so poor that nobody had even bothered to gut the houses and dump their contents on the street for collection. Nobody was collecting, and unlike other neighborhoods nobody knows whether there will be returnees.

Feeling extremely stupid, I knocked on the door. Just as I was ready to go back to my car the front door opened.

At first I didn't recognize her. The skin was deeply tanned, the famous blonde hair cropped short. She was wearing a tank top and loose jeans and tennis shoes, work clothes. Behind her, although it was not apparent from outside, the house had been gutted and cleaned.

"Miss Holloway, I presume," I said.


"I don't go by that name any more," she said as she waved me inside. She didn't tell me what name she does go by now.

"A lot of people are wondering where you've been."

She grinned, and for a brief instant I saw the girl whose image was on every television in the world for those hectic months in mid 2005. "I'll bet," she said. "I've seen some of the news."

"Talking to me probably isn't the best way to get it out."

"It will get where it needs to be." She told me why she elected to talk to me, but I swore I wouldn't reveal her reason, just that someone known to her did indeed find me via my internet presence.

I'm more of a storyteller than a newsman, so I asked a question that would probably make Walter Cronkite tear his hair out: "What are you doing here?"

She grinned widely. "Fixing the house, obviously."

"Lotta that going around."

"Not in this neighborhood. At least so far. That's part of the attraction."

"Is this your house?"

She didn't answer that one.

"How did you get here?"

At that she sucked in her breath. "That's a long story," she said, "but it's why I called you here."

I waited.

"I'm not sure exactly what happened that night in Aruba. I was drunk and stoned and I think one of the guys I was with might have slipped me a roofie. I woke up on a boat, naked and sore. There were three guys there. Two of them were passed out when I woke up but the other looked sharp. He told me that as long as I kept them entertained I could live. And I could share their drugs."

"That sounds pretty horrible."

"Yeah, it does, doesn't it," she said. "Sometimes it even was. It was different. About a week after they picked me up they found a yacht and tracked it. They handcuffed me to a railing down below while they chased it and I heard gunshots. When they let me back up the other boat was sinking. There was no sign of who might have been on board."

"They were pirates?"

"Yeah, but not like in the movies. I knew they would eventually kill me."

"What did you do?"

"After the hijacking? I spread my legs and asked for another hit of meth. What would you have done?"

"I suspect I'd have been shot. I'm not as pretty as you."

"Yeah. You're right."

She started setting up a barbeque grill. "How did you get away from them? Or are they still around?" I looked around nervously, wondering if there were killers around, but not for long.

"They're dead," she said.

"How did that happen?"

She looked around as it surveying the devastation and said, "Take a wild guess."

"The storm caught them?"

"The storm caught a lot of people. It was supposed to hit Florida, remember?"

"You're not dead, though."

She explained that, although it's another thing I swore not to repeat. I finally thought of the question that most of the world might want answered and put it to her: "Why haven't you called your parents?"

She looked at me so hard it felt like she was looking right through me. "What would I tell them? Hi Mom, sorry about the fuss, I was smoking meth and getting gang raped and not really minding it all that much for a few months and then the hurricane came and it looks like the whole goddamn world came to an end, so why don't we dig up those college admission forms again? So I can just go back to school and be a normal student again, get good grades, find a husband, and all that crap?"

"I guess it wouldn't be that easy."

"It wouldn't be fucking possible," she yelled. "Where would I go? The minute I claim my past the whole world will come down on me. Thanks to my mother. If she hadn't made such a big fucking deal out of it, if she hadn't been such a, such a, a..."

"Bitch?" I offered.

"CUNT! If she hadn't been such an obsessive, manipulating CUNT, if she hadn't put my picture on every goddamn TV in the world, if she had just fucking let it go, I might have been able to sneak back. Probably not for awhile. Maybe not ever. But it would at least be thinkable."

"I'm sure they love you," I said.

She actually laughed. "You saw the TV, localroger. You tell me who my mother loves more, me or herself. Tell me honestly. Tell me I'm more important than the spotlight she found for herself."

"I'm not going there," I said.

"You've been there," she said. "It's the reason I picked you. But you know, it's getting dark soon and it gets real dark out here. You should be on your way."

"Right. Will you be contacting..."

"After today, I will never answer to the name Natalee Holloway again. If you're honest you'll report that I'm dead after all. I'm not really Natalee. I'm the bitch the drug dealers left in her place, and I have different plans than the girl who went to Aruba."

I left. A couple of days later I went back and found a nice young black couple who claimed to own the house. They claimed no knowledge of a white girl who had been staying there or helping, and were quite concerned when I told them she had been in their house. "Gotta get electricity so we can get an alarm in," the man said. "All kinds of niggers around here. Bad guys coming back."

Maybe that's why Natalee, or the girl who once was Natalee, left.

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Natalee Holloway Found Alive | 300 comments (210 topical, 90 editorial, 0 hidden)
OMG! IS THIS TRUE?!? (2.94 / 18) (#41)
by LilDebbie on Wed Apr 19, 2006 at 10:41:49 PM EST

SOMEONE POST THIS ON FARK

My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden.
- hugin -

I would (none / 1) (#128)
by Linux or Mac OS X on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 01:30:28 PM EST

but I have a 24 hour submitting waiting period.


"Ugh, my stomach is full of tequila and semen." - LilDebbie


ysb
[ Parent ]
Need's a "fark-funny" headline (3.00 / 2) (#141)
by nlscb on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 04:38:45 PM EST

I tried, but my headline wasn't funny enough. Even I agree, but it was I could think of was this: Natalee Holloway Found Alive. Elvis Presley unavailable for comment.

Yes, I know it sucks. I can't think of all them people.

Comment Search has returned - Like a beaten wife, I am pathetically grateful. - mr strange
[ Parent ]

PS - any suggestions? nt (none / 1) (#142)
by nlscb on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 04:39:26 PM EST


Comment Search has returned - Like a beaten wife, I am pathetically grateful. - mr strange
[ Parent ]

"Natalee Holloway Found, Lost Again" (none / 1) (#246)
by jimrandomh on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 08:05:36 PM EST

nt
--
CalcRogue: TI-89, 92+, PalmOS, Windows and Linux.
[ Parent ]
She was truly an American icon (2.85 / 7) (#50)
by Ace Jones on Wed Apr 19, 2006 at 10:52:38 PM EST

Please have her phone her parents if you can.

localroger....yes! (1.66 / 3) (#53)
by terryfunk on Wed Apr 19, 2006 at 10:56:07 PM EST

+1 FP

I like you, I'll kill you last. - Killer Clown
The ScuttledMonkey: A Story Collection

Hey Terry (none / 1) (#256)
by brain in a jar on Sat Apr 22, 2006 at 06:28:33 AM EST

On an Irellavent note, I read somewhere the other day that it is quite common for Pulque to contain Ololiqui (sp?) AKA, Badoh, or Badoh negra- some kinds of LSA containing seeds related to the familiar morning glory.

These rather than S. Divinorum may have been the source of the interesting experiences that you recounted.


Life is too important, to be taken entirely seriously.
[ Parent ]

Interesting news. (2.81 / 22) (#54)
by Torka on Wed Apr 19, 2006 at 10:57:33 PM EST

Doesn't seem to have appeared on any of the major news carriers yet...K5 scoops the press yet again.

u r dumb. (1.63 / 11) (#58)
by indubitable on Wed Apr 19, 2006 at 11:00:09 PM EST


What kind of sick fuck doesn't want to roger some dude wearing a bear suit?
[ Parent ]

Ho ho. $ (2.50 / 4) (#63)
by Torka on Wed Apr 19, 2006 at 11:03:00 PM EST



[ Parent ]
K5: the power of the Scoop (3.00 / 10) (#59)
by glor on Wed Apr 19, 2006 at 11:00:27 PM EST


--
Disclaimer: I am not the most intelligent kuron.
[ Parent ]

Ok, fine! I'll do it for the team... (2.55 / 9) (#77)
by roseWallpaper on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 12:02:51 AM EST

I just want you to know that I'm still wincing though.

Reminds you of your childhood? (3.00 / 8) (#85)
by D Jade on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 01:05:41 AM EST

A little too close to home?

You're a shitty troll, so stop pretending you have more of a life than a cool dude -- HollyHopDrive
[ Parent ]
I was going to mention (3.00 / 5) (#88)
by bunk on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 01:15:18 AM EST

some others things which caused her to wince, but then I remembered I'm a gentleman


hunger strike + bong hits = super munchies -- horny smurf
[ Parent ]
Yes well we do have very large penises (2.00 / 3) (#89)
by D Jade on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 01:24:58 AM EST

or is it penii?

Man, those tears in her eyes were priceless. I still fondly recall the flavour as I licked them from her cheek...

You're a shitty troll, so stop pretending you have more of a life than a cool dude -- HollyHopDrive
[ Parent ]

No (3.00 / 4) (#104)
by Entendre Entendre on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 05:59:14 AM EST

He meant "squint" not "wince."

--
Reduce firearm violence: aim carefully.
[ Parent ]

Yeah well... (3.00 / 2) (#179)
by D Jade on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 09:19:02 PM EST

... that's why we didn't want you to come along for the ride. We didn't want you to feel smaller than you already did.

You're a shitty troll, so stop pretending you have more of a life than a cool dude -- HollyHopDrive
[ Parent ]
This is truly (2.55 / 27) (#79)
by aphrael on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 12:25:50 AM EST

This is truly in remarkably poor taste.

Which in a postmodern context (2.88 / 9) (#84)
by D Jade on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 01:05:14 AM EST

is entirely tasteful...

You're a shitty troll, so stop pretending you have more of a life than a cool dude -- HollyHopDrive
[ Parent ]
IAWTP (3.00 / 7) (#123)
by Sgt York on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 12:16:57 PM EST

+1FP

There is a reason for everything. Sometimes, that reason just sucks.
[ Parent ]

You will be warned. (1.55 / 9) (#80)
by Entendre Entendre on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 12:52:52 AM EST

Whoah. I got warned for posting 16 digits and saying it was someone's credit card number. Rusty said it was either tasteless or illegal and I was never to do it again.

You on the other hand are talking shit of the mother of a probably raped-and-murdered girl, in the voice of said girl. Probably not illegal (unless it would count as slander to say that her behavior had been sufficient to drive her daughter into hiding) but spectacularly tasteless. Even by K5 standards.

Keep an eye out for a red rectangle in the top-right corner of K5...

--
Reduce firearm violence: aim carefully.

Defamation (2.33 / 6) (#86)
by blaaf on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 01:08:14 AM EST

It is not possible to libel the dead. So to sue localroger for defamation, it would have to be proven by a preponderence of evidence that Natalie is actually alive (as the story says). This I am guessing would not be easy to do. Even if such a prima facie case for libel could be made, Natalie's family has no standing to sue. Only she herself may sue for defamation against her, unless she assigned the cause of action (which again, would be difficult for her to do, given that she's been missing for months now). They'd be thrown out of court.

So if you want to slander someone, you can't pick anyone safer to slander than the dead. You could take out a full page ad in the New York Times asserting in complete earnest that Ronald Reagan fucked a cow on the set of Cattle Queen of Montana (which, as far as I know has never been documented), and you would be perfectly free to do so (assuming the NYTimes would print such a thing).

[ Parent ]

If you read closely (2.80 / 5) (#101)
by Entendre Entendre on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 03:42:56 AM EST

you'll notice that I refer to his treatment of Natalie's mother, not Natalie herself.

But thank you for bringing the term "defamation" into this discussion.

--
Reduce firearm violence: aim carefully.
[ Parent ]

It wouldn't go. (3.00 / 8) (#111)
by localroger on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 08:11:14 AM EST

This story doesn't actually say anything about Mrs. Holloway. It expresses a rather negative opinion about her but it happens to be legal to vent negative opinions (if it weren't I could have sued half the K5 userbase into the ground a long time ago). And in this case it would seem from the voting a lot of people share that opinion. And one could make a really, really strong argument that even if Natalee were to pop up alive and pissed off, thanks to her Mom they are now *all* public figures. And even if they weren't, there's that big word up there right at the end of the title that says FICTION.

Before we get all weepy over poor Mrs. Holloway, let us consider all the uniformly nice and supportive things said about another mother who has made her grief very public, Cindy Sheehan. Oh wait...

The really beautiful thing about this stunt is that, if the world were not completely batshit insane, there is no way the Holloways would even learn that this story exists. Of course, if the world were not completely batshit insane all the networks wouldn't come running when the Holloways announce another press conference to demand we boycott Aruba because their third-rate justice system isn't up to our *sniff* high American standards.



I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]

I don't care. (2.50 / 2) (#157)
by blaaf on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 05:28:07 PM EST

Talk all the shit you want about Mrs. Holloway. Talk shit about poor, dear Natalee. That doesn't change the fact that your little story sucks. It's not half as good as the crap that Android Trollaxor cranks out. Personally I hold nothing against the Holloways. Her fucking daughter died, cut her some slack. The media frenzy and other people that have rallied around her are what get to me. People who should know better.

[ Parent ]
you miss the point. (none / 1) (#199)
by Entendre Entendre on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 10:57:08 PM EST

The point being: "Probably not illegal [...] but spectacularly tasteless."

I don't watch television, and I get the impression that those who do, feel terribly wronged by this woman. As if it was her fault y'all spent so much time watching her on TV. From where I sit, this whole thing looks asinine and hypcritical.

"That bitch got way too much attention. Watch me talk shit about her!"

--
Reduce firearm violence: aim carefully.
[ Parent ]

But, to be fair... (3.00 / 2) (#202)
by Entendre Entendre on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 11:07:20 PM EST

I'd forgotten my own point, which was that it's pretty funny that Rusty saw fit to warn> me (oooh...) for posting something that was, in his words, either illegal (it wasn't) or tasteless.

Whereas calling the mother of a raped-and-murdered teenager a "cunt," gets your words on the front page.

Neither of us have broken the law, but you sure as hell deserve a warning. :-)

--
Reduce firearm violence: aim carefully.
[ Parent ]

I'm torn about this one. (2.54 / 11) (#90)
by BJH on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 01:26:23 AM EST

The original FNH story was (other than the title) mainly a protest against the media frenzy surrounding her disappearance.

You make it fairly clear that the main target of this story is NH's mother. The whole NH thing never came onto the news radar where I live, and I have no idea how she presented herself before the press, but I do know that losing a child is quite possibly one of the worst experiences that a responsible parent could undergo.

Obviously people like the "OH NOES MY BABY WAS EATEN BY A DINGO" woman from Australia, if we assume her guilt, are the exception, but for many (I'd like to say most) parents, losing their child is quite simply unthinkable.

I can't vote this up, since it's possible and maybe likely NH's mother was sincere about her grief.
--
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
-- Oscar Levant

not aimed at her mother though (3.00 / 6) (#95)
by zombie HollyHopDrive on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 02:01:40 AM EST

it's just a big magnet to bring the idiots. so trolls can play with them a while. I don't intend to get involved, but (like even the naysayers I suspect), I'll watch the sport.



[He blew]inside..m..e.. [and verily] corrected a deviated septum and cauterized my turbinates. - MichaelCrawford
[ Parent ]
If it looks like it's aimed at her mother... (3.00 / 2) (#99)
by BJH on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 03:08:38 AM EST

...then it might as well be, even if localroger's intention was different.

The point being, the original article had something to say about the media. This mostly just comes across as mean-spirited.
--
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
-- Oscar Levant

[ Parent ]

But did the idiots read that article? [nt] (none / 1) (#294)
by artis on Wed May 03, 2006 at 07:29:13 AM EST


--
Can you know that you are omniscient?
[ Parent ]
Amelia Earhart (1.80 / 5) (#92)
by Lode Runner on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 01:56:42 AM EST

You could totally write a similar story about Amelia Earhart. She could return alive but as a drug smuggler or Japanese agent or something. Plus she vanished long enough ago that there's no emotional baggage, so you'd have to rely on actual plot to carry the story through.

She'd be ~109 (none / 1) (#114)
by toulouse on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 09:10:34 AM EST

Less drug-running agency and more nursing home residency, I fear.


--
'My god...it's full of blogs.' - ktakki
--


[ Parent ]
your sig (3.00 / 3) (#133)
by Lode Runner on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 03:15:57 PM EST

indicates that you LIKE stories that climax in old-age homes.

[ Parent ]
Tenuous and strained by your standards. /nt (3.00 / 2) (#220)
by toulouse on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 05:48:31 AM EST


--
'My god...it's full of blogs.' - ktakki
--


[ Parent ]
feh (1.60 / 5) (#93)
by running with scissors on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 01:59:32 AM EST

"and not really minding it all that much"

pervert

+10 MILLION FP TRUE STORY!!!11!!one!!!!1111two!!!! (1.27 / 11) (#94)
by The Ghost of ChefSalad Past on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 02:00:04 AM EST


One night .. he just spontaneously vomited and simultaneously defecated in his pants. - osm

Sounds like the FNH article all over again... (2.14 / 7) (#105)
by Murkey on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 06:24:05 AM EST

... Angry incoherent letters in 3...2...1

It feels really weird voting +1fp to my own story (3.00 / 12) (#107)
by AlwaysAnonyminated on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 06:41:42 AM EST

[n/t]
---------------------------------------------
Posted from my Droid 2.
The FP truly reveals K5 as the den of trolls. (NT) (none / 1) (#218)
by Scott Robinson on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 05:06:52 AM EST



[ Parent ]
Maybe we're not so clever (2.92 / 14) (#110)
by r3u8rb on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 07:58:13 AM EST

I will find it amusing if, in the end, nobody gives a fuck about this article.

---
Join me on irc.slashnet.org #Kuro5hin.org - the official Kuro5hin IRC channel.
That would be funny. $ (3.00 / 5) (#113)
by mr strange on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 08:35:30 AM EST

On the other hand, journalists camping outside Roger's house would also be highly amusing.

intrigued by your idea that fascism is feminine - livus
[ Parent ]
IAWTP (3.00 / 5) (#132)
by localroger on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 02:53:56 PM EST

On the one hand it would be a pleasant surprise to find that this drops silently into the bit-bucket of public apathy.

On the other it would validate my deeply cynical view of the media for it to blow up like a hydrogen bomb.

Therefore, a win-win situation :-)

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]

Just (1.61 / 13) (#112)
by stuaart on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 08:15:45 AM EST

Not

Very

Well

Done.

SRY.

Linkwhore: [Hidden stories.] Baldrtainment: Corporate concubines and Baldrson: An Introspective


wish you'd added 'fiction' to the TITLE (1.60 / 5) (#118)
by rpresser on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 11:25:35 AM EST

once this hits FP, the deluge of angry letters will bring K5 to a standstill; and the deluge of angry new accounts will change the face of K5 forever.

+1 FP :-)
------------
"In terms of both hyperbolic overreaching and eventual wrongness, the Permanent [Republican] Majority has set a new, and truly difficult to beat, standard." --rusty

but the truth must be known!!!1!!one!! (1.50 / 2) (#119)
by running with scissors on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 11:35:48 AM EST

nt

[ Parent ]
If Fucking Natalee Holloway (3.00 / 2) (#127)
by bush or kerry on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 01:25:10 PM EST

Didn't affect the status quo. This story won't.
-
Let loose the juice.
[ Parent ]
It would be redundantly redundant (none / 1) (#135)
by localroger on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 03:47:21 PM EST

K5 displays the section right after the title in all views, in the same size font, in trademark blue.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
Not absolutely all views ... (none / 1) (#136)
by rpresser on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 03:55:40 PM EST

Try this link. You won't find the word fiction near the title. of course you won't find the story either, just comments. So why did I post this? I confess I do not know.
------------
"In terms of both hyperbolic overreaching and eventual wrongness, the Permanent [Republican] Majority has set a new, and truly difficult to beat, standard." --rusty
[ Parent ]
I can't believe you didn't take the opportunity to (2.93 / 16) (#120)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 11:42:27 AM EST

Fuck Natalee Holloway!

--
"My mental image of you is Wyatt's brother Chet in Weird Science."
-

Natalee Holloway Found Alive (2.30 / 13) (#121)
by thekubrix on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 11:55:58 AM EST

Natalee Holloway Found Alive
Natalee
Holloway
Natalee Holloway
Natalee Holloway Alive
Alive

Anybody have sexy pics of her? (2.90 / 11) (#122)
by r3u8rb on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 12:02:04 PM EST

Preferably high-resolution.

I see them on the news all the time, but they don't post them online...

---
Join me on irc.slashnet.org #Kuro5hin.org - the official Kuro5hin IRC channel.

One day you will burn in hell. (1.18 / 11) (#171)
by CamiR on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 08:40:37 PM EST

How can you make those kinds of jokes about other people that died? You're mother would feel ashamed!

[ Parent ]
Would you be this upset (3.00 / 7) (#181)
by r3u8rb on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 09:50:50 PM EST

...if I had asked for sexy pictures of Marilyn Monroe?

---
Join me on irc.slashnet.org #Kuro5hin.org - the official Kuro5hin IRC channel.
[ Parent ]
LOL! (none / 1) (#190)
by D Jade on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 10:09:31 PM EST

Natalee is his mother you moron!

You're the one that's going to hell. I'm guessing you call yourself a Christian which means that you're definitely going to hell because most Christians go against every principle of Jesus' teachings. They spread hate, not love.

Take your hate somewhere else...

You're a shitty troll, so stop pretending you have more of a life than a cool dude -- HollyHopDrive
[ Parent ]

Would've given +1FP (guaranteed shitstorm)... (2.75 / 4) (#124)
by HackerCracker on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 12:27:24 PM EST

... but in the space of time I was reading the story and comments it went FP. Now we wait...

HackerCracker........ (1.33 / 6) (#137)
by roseWallpaper on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 04:04:01 PM EST

..........Hold me?


[ Parent ]
Sorry, but I'm already spoken for $ (none / 1) (#158)
by HackerCracker on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 06:07:58 PM EST



[ Parent ]
digg link (VOTE IT UP) (2.36 / 11) (#125)
by Linux or Mac OS X on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 12:42:40 PM EST

clicky


"Ugh, my stomach is full of tequila and semen." - LilDebbie


ysb
um, hello? k5? (1.59 / 32) (#129)
by circletimessquare on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 02:14:28 PM EST

who the fuck voted this shit up?

and how quickly did it go up?

'fuck natalee holloway' was a year ago

nobody cares anymore

there will no deluge of hatemail, there will be no notice

by trying to dredge it up again, you all look like attention whores

you, who wrote this story and who voted for it, look just as pathetic as the mass media that swarmed over this bullshit a year ago

to react negatively to that media frenzy was good, and there was quite a blowback to gbd's story, and we revelled in it, because we were right

but to desire the spotlight of the blowback again, to seek out the negative reaction, makes you all just as bad as the original media assholes

you're all attention whores, really

localroger, and who ever voted for this shit: you're all fucking pathetic

when i say "fuck natalee holloway" i really mean it, as in I WON'T BE THE ONE BRINGING THE SHIT UP MYSELF

understand the fucking concept you pathetic sycophants?


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

Fuck circletimessqueer /nt (2.30 / 10) (#130)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 02:40:57 PM EST


--
"My mental image of you is Wyatt's brother Chet in Weird Science."
- Parent ]

IAWTP x1000 $ (1.66 / 3) (#145)
by Notorious WoW G on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 04:44:04 PM EST


--
AND I HATE THE WORD 'FAT.' WHO CARES?!!! DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO LOOK BEYOND A PERSONS APPEARANCE AND INTO THEIR HEART??! -- somaudlin
[ Parent ]
IDWTP ^1000 (1.66 / 3) (#148)
by bush or kerry on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 04:50:35 PM EST


-
Let loose the juice.
[ Parent ]
IFTMOTP (1.40 / 5) (#183)
by circletimessquare on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 09:54:20 PM EST

I Fucked The Mother Of The Poster


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]
wAAaaaAgh!! $ (1.66 / 3) (#205)
by Notorious WoW G on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 11:39:16 PM EST


--
AND I HATE THE WORD 'FAT.' WHO CARES?!!! DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO LOOK BEYOND A PERSONS APPEARANCE AND INTO THEIR HEART??! -- somaudlin
[ Parent ]
wAAaaaAgh!! (1.66 / 3) (#214)
by bush or kerry on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 01:14:35 AM EST

well All Assholes are amazingly attractive As gerbil holes!!
-
Let loose the juice.
[ Parent ]
i concur $ (1.66 / 3) (#156)
by blaaf on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 05:24:21 PM EST



[ Parent ]
o rly? (3.00 / 4) (#232)
by demon on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 12:31:12 PM EST

I'll let you know. I'm sure we'll hear from them as soon as Google indexes this story page.

[ Parent ]
Fuck Natalee Holloway had a point (1.56 / 16) (#131)
by PylonHead on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 02:44:57 PM EST

This doesn't. Just a tasteless troll. Sad. Sad.

do you understand hypocrisy you fucking morons? (1.64 / 25) (#138)
by circletimessquare on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 04:17:20 PM EST

making the point that talking about something is media frenzy idiocy is NOT served by talking about the same shit yourself!

here is an analogy, see if you can grok my fucking point:

morons: "omfg! tom cruise had a baby! angelina jolie had a baby!"

know-it-alls: "yeah, like that's important news. do you know they just discovered pyramids in bosnia? that a theocracy is building nukes? i guess not, morons. you're too busy filling your skulls with vapid shit"

morons: "hmmm, maybe you have a point, this is just shallow empty and useless what we obsess about"

know-it-alls: "anyway, check out my fan fiction about britney spear's baby"

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????

if you think it's moronic to talk about vapid shit, prove it, BY NOT FUCKING TALK ABOUT VAPID SHIT

you're all fucking pathetic hypocrits who wrote this shit and voted for it

media: omfg! missing white girl!
k5: missing white girl syndrome is stupid empty and hysterical
media: 1 year passes, no one cares anymore, crickets...
k5: anyway, check out my fan fiction about a missing white girl

i spit on you k5, hypocritical losers


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

lol (3.00 / 12) (#139)
by Linux or Mac OS X on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 04:19:12 PM EST

thanks for proving our point cts


"Ugh, my stomach is full of tequila and semen." - LilDebbie


ysb
[ Parent ]
IAWTP... (1.25 / 4) (#140)
by roseWallpaper on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 04:37:50 PM EST

I'm still a little nervous though...

[ Parent ]
CTS, definately in the running for (3.00 / 7) (#144)
by Notorious WoW G on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 04:43:18 PM EST

K5's biggest crybaby.
--
AND I HATE THE WORD 'FAT.' WHO CARES?!!! DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO LOOK BEYOND A PERSONS APPEARANCE AND INTO THEIR HEART??! -- somaudlin
[ Parent ]
lol what (3.00 / 8) (#146)
by indubitable on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 04:45:39 PM EST

Are you going to keep posting top level comments until you've cried yourself out or what?

What kind of sick fuck doesn't want to roger some dude wearing a bear suit?
[ Parent ]

Your year later media is off. (3.00 / 4) (#147)
by bush or kerry on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 04:48:29 PM EST

The Natalee Holloway story is all over the news again. But not quite at the same level.

I still don't think this story will get anywhere near the attention Fuck Natalee did.

You are right. This is all about attention whoring and trolling. That's the nature of K5. Don't pretend your abortion story wasn't motivated by attention whoring.

CTS YHBT. Big time.

-
Let loose the juice.
[ Parent ]

gee asshole (3.00 / 3) (#149)
by circletimessquare on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 04:54:37 PM EST

maybe i wrote the abortion story because i care about the fucking subject matter?

i know, radical concept

The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]

I don't doubt that you cared about the subject (3.00 / 2) (#152)
by bush or kerry on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 05:01:36 PM EST

But it was also covered in your ego spooge.
-
Let loose the juice.
[ Parent ]
let's say i'm an egomaniac for a moment (2.66 / 3) (#154)
by circletimessquare on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 05:07:28 PM EST

and sidestep the whole argument about the amount of ego spooge drops on my story

what the fuck does that have to do with the hypocrisy of saying "the media babbling about missing white girls is wrong" and then... writing fan fiction about missing white girls?

can you stay on the fucking subject matter?


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]

You accused us of attention whoring. (2.75 / 4) (#198)
by bush or kerry on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 10:56:55 PM EST

In your other top level post. I didn't feel like responding to both separately. I'm saying we are all attention whores here. It's the nature of writing in a public forum. We had the spotlight. We loved it. And now we want it back.

You accuse us of voting up vapid crap. I say hell yes we do. We've voted up three line haiku's and ascii cows and shoe fetish stories.

The fuck natalee story was a momentous event in k5's short history. The incredible blowback from the story made it part of our culture. We're exploring the limits of tastelessness. It's like putting up a picture of Mohamed.

I agree with most of what your saying, but I', wondering why you are so shocked and offended by the same old k5 crapfest.

You are poorly generalizing the great k5 hive mind. Most of us voted this dredge up because of the public troll factor. Some others vote garbage up to "destroy k5". I doubt many were trying to get some grand point across about the media.

Sadly, you seem to be the only one this story has worked on. This troll fails it.
-
Let loose the juice.
[ Parent ]

zzzzzz (2.00 / 2) (#216)
by circletimessquare on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 01:56:34 AM EST

it's not bad to be an attention whore

it's bad to say "attention whoring missing white girls is bad" (last year k5 article) and then... attention whore the same missing white girl

get it?

the egomaniacism is ok, the hypocrisy is not

i am a flaming egomaniac attention whore

but i'm not a HYOCRITICAL flaming egomaniac attention whore

i don't criticize attention whores

i criticize people who call attention whoring bad and then attention whore themselves

understand the fucking point yet?


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]

Reread the Fuck Natalee Holloway story. (2.50 / 2) (#235)
by bush or kerry on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 03:31:23 PM EST

It wasn't lambasting attention whoring or ego mania.

It was criticizing the "News" for ignoring important serious stories and replacing it with "infotainment". It was criticizing pundits like O'reilly for spinning and respinning the story with bullshit as events progressed.

K5 is the lowest common denominator. It is entertainment. It's not a news outlet. This story is clearly marked as Fiction.  This story isn't displacing other stories that might have been voted up in its stead.

K5 does not have some kind of unified world view.  K5's content is tailored to whatever the hell will get voted up at the moment. It's our filthy culture from our filthy trenches.
-
Let loose the juice.
[ Parent ]

you're wasting your time (3.00 / 3) (#236)
by Linux or Mac OS X on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 03:37:31 PM EST

cts doesn't respond to levelheaded uses of logic.


"Ugh, my stomach is full of tequila and semen." - LilDebbie


ysb
[ Parent ]
amen! nt (none / 1) (#274)
by circletimessquare on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 05:18:02 PM EST



The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]
Nah (3.00 / 3) (#153)
by Sgt York on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 05:02:08 PM EST

CTS's attention whoring is done through posts, not stories.

There is a reason for everything. Sometimes, that reason just sucks.
[ Parent ]

damn straight nt (none / 1) (#161)
by circletimessquare on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 06:26:45 PM EST



The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]
Why I voted FP. (2.50 / 4) (#150)
by mr strange on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 04:55:43 PM EST

If that's what Roger wants, who am I to deny him?

Try my event calendar plugin for Wordpress.

intrigued by your idea that fascism is feminine - livus
[ Parent ]

Meh (3.00 / 8) (#151)
by Sgt York on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 04:57:00 PM EST

I still thought it was funny.

Y'know, not everything has to make a major philosophical point. I read, I laughed, I voted +1FP. Grok?

What's so difficult to understand about that? As I recall, you're the one always bitching about people taking K5 too seriously...something like mental masturbation, a way to blow off steam, was it?

There is a reason for everything. Sometimes, that reason just sucks.
[ Parent ]

it's not about taking k5 too seriously (1.50 / 4) (#159)
by circletimessquare on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 06:08:26 PM EST

it's about hating empty vapid people

and even more, hating HYPOCRITICAL empty vapid people

now if someone wants to read People Magazine about Jessica Simpson, that's fine, right? if they want to fill their head with empty shit, what do i care, right?

i agree with you about harmless crap, blowing off steam, empty vapid entertainment: fine, whatever

but that's not the situation we're really talk about, this is:

i'm standing at the news stand, and some guy is looking at the news stand with me, and he goes "i hate that the media is obsessed with empty celebrity"

and i go, "yeah, i agree!"

and then he goes, "hey, you want to read my fiction about meeting angelina jolie?"

WTF?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

same thing here: k5 wrote a piece about how it hates the empty vapid media coverage about a missing white girl

ok, fine

and then, less than a year later, WRITES A QUICKLY VOTED +1 FP FAN FICTION DEVOTED TO MEETING A MISSING WHITE GIRL

WTF?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whic is it k5? condemn the stupid coverage of vapid bullshit? or create and revel in the same vapid bullshit you condemn?

make up your mind

The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]

cts and the k5 opinion monolith (3.00 / 7) (#226)
by A Bore on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 09:20:54 AM EST

Stop acting like there is some block-like k5 opinion that is capable of hypocrisy

you're screaming like a child

and you think stupid, i'm guessing in this case deliberately

check out that nugget in your own eye, cts. Who's the one fronting all the sound and fury here about nothing. it is you.

[ Parent ]

Yeah (3.00 / 5) (#228)
by Sgt York on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 10:35:53 AM EST

You said that already. And I posted my response. Do you have anything new to say, or are you just going to keep on doing your parrot imitation?

Here's your cracker. Happy now?

There is a reason for everything. Sometimes, that reason just sucks.
[ Parent ]

We are not borg... (3.00 / 3) (#250)
by mumble on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 09:57:21 PM EST

We are not borg! It is a fallacy to attribute a single point of view to a collection of people. Doing so makes places like slashdot and k5 look hypocritical, when they are not.

eg. some k5'ers "condemn ... vapid bullshit"
and some k5'ers " reveal in ... vapid bullshit".

There is no single hive mind (borg) that holds both views simultaneously.

-----
stats for a better tomorrow
bitcoin: 1GsfkeggHSqbcVGS3GSJnwaCu6FYwF73fR
"They must know I'm here. The half and half jug is missing" - MDC.
"I've grown weary of googling the solutions to my many problems" - MDC.
[ Parent ]

And (2.60 / 1) (#281)
by rusty on Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 01:05:17 PM EST

Some of us both condemn and revel in vapid bullshit alternately or simultaneously.

We are large. We contain multitudes.

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]

my precious. (3.00 / 2) (#282)
by osm on Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 01:10:57 PM EST


--------
4thelulz.org
[ Parent ]

Howdy hey-hey, osm...$ (none / 0) (#300)
by NewUserAccount on Fri Oct 19, 2007 at 10:00:24 PM EST



[ Parent ]
OMG crickets!!11!! (3.00 / 6) (#160)
by zombie HollyHopDrive on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 06:25:34 PM EST

but the trampling ponies have scared them away



[He blew]inside..m..e.. [and verily] corrected a deviated septum and cauterized my turbinates. - MichaelCrawford
[ Parent ]
your stupid analogy is completely off the mark (3.00 / 7) (#162)
by cbraga on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 06:33:37 PM EST

actually it'd be more like this:

know-it-alls: "anyway, check out my fan fiction about britney spear's baby"

morons: "WTF? do you understand hypocrisy you fucking morons?"

know-it-alls: "LOL"

ESC[78;89;13p ESC[110;121;13p
[ Parent ]

my head asplode ;-) nt (none / 1) (#163)
by circletimessquare on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 07:08:37 PM EST



The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]
+1FP strong bad reference (2.66 / 3) (#177)
by Mystess on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 09:12:35 PM EST



"Don't worry, You're better than somaudlin." - stuuart
[ Parent ]
you have to remember (none / 1) (#230)
by army of phred on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 11:58:57 AM EST

cts is the sort who approves of muslims killing christians. its best to disregard his ranting as noise from a nutjob.

"Republicans are evil." lildebbie
"I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about." motormachinemercenary
"my wife is getting a blowjob" ghostoft1ber
[ Parent ]
no, no, no (none / 1) (#233)
by circletimessquare on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 01:40:18 PM EST

you have me all wrong

i approve of muslims EATING christians

but only in months starting with the letter "V"

and the christians must be butchered first by hindus

please, don't smear what i really stand for


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]

shut your mouth (none / 1) (#272)
by kbudha on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 08:46:02 AM EST

jebus crispy boy

[ Parent ]
Southerners (2.10 / 10) (#143)
by bush or kerry on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 04:42:26 PM EST

I was just reading a description of holloway in the news. She was described as a "typical southerner" ie: as very friendly and trusting.

what's with this image of them? Sorry to the southerners out there, but when I think of the south I think of ignorance and racism and that whole thing in the past about slavery.

My personal experience in the south has reinforced this image for me. Maybe it would have helped if I was white?

When the shit hits the fan and I need help I think I'd feel better in a random street in rude decadent New York rather than most places in the friendly trusting virtuous south.
-
Let loose the juice.

Typical Southerner == Hates Niggers (3.00 / 4) (#189)
by D Jade on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 10:07:13 PM EST

She's good for the cause.

You're a shitty troll, so stop pretending you have more of a life than a cool dude -- HollyHopDrive
[ Parent ]
I didn't mean to say that. (3.00 / 2) (#208)
by bush or kerry on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 12:15:55 AM EST

But I guess I did. It's a prejudicial feeling that rumbles inside me. I try not to let it affect my judgement but I definitely feel safer and more comfortable in the northeast.

I made the post because I took offense to that depiction of friendly southerners as somehow being in contrast with people from the rest of the world.
-
Let loose the juice.
[ Parent ]

Call me, Mr. President!!! $ (none / 1) (#209)
by roseWallpaper on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 12:37:53 AM EST



[ Parent ]
Are you a friendly blonde from Alabama? $ (3.00 / 4) (#211)
by bush or kerry on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 12:59:24 AM EST


-
Let loose the juice.
[ Parent ]
She won't............. (none / 1) (#238)
by lostArt on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 05:44:43 PM EST

blow you like I can....you smoke cigars, right??

"Angry moody sexy = K5," yaksox
[ Parent ]
Sorry I've fallen in love with a parody of you. $ (3.00 / 2) (#245)
by bush or kerry on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 07:36:45 PM EST


-
Let loose the juice.
[ Parent ]
Zeroed: Part of (1.66 / 6) (#207)
by Notorious WoW G on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 11:42:46 PM EST

the K5 pansy-patrol.
--
AND I HATE THE WORD 'FAT.' WHO CARES?!!! DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO LOOK BEYOND A PERSONS APPEARANCE AND INTO THEIR HEART??! -- somaudlin
[ Parent ]
i've always gotten (1.83 / 6) (#164)
by wampswillion on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 07:14:52 PM EST

cindy sheehan and natalie's mother mixed up.  they are cut from the same cloth i think.   it's more about them then anything else.  

I have more sympathy for Sheehan, but only barely (2.66 / 3) (#191)
by localroger on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 10:10:03 PM EST

I think Cindy fell into her fame, and didn't quite know what to do with it when it materialized. I think she intended her camping trip to Crawford in much the way Timothy Treadwell may have considered his first visit to Katmai, as a kind of elaborate suicide.

I don't think it occurred to Sheehan how much shit she was stirring until she was neck deep in it, and then she trusted the people who coalesced around her to tell her what to do next, because she didn't really have a plan. You could argue that she has been used, and also that she doesn't mind and is therefore complicit, but I don't think you can argue that she originally intended to become a household name.

The Holloways certainly did plot to make their daughter's name a household word, very coldly and with great skill, and they displayed such a tight understanding of how the news works that I can't bring myself to believe it was an accident. Whether it was the parents themselves or someone they hired on the side, whoever orchestrated the all-Natalie all-the-time barrage of mid-2005 should have a bright future on Madison Avenue.

The beautiful thing about the stunt at hand is that, if the world isn't completely screwed up, there is no way the Holloways would ever be likely to learn of it and be hurt by what I wrote. If they do learn of it, it's only because they've been so successful at making all media roads lead back to them, them, them, them, and nobody else. It's wonderfully self-checking in that way, and while I'm certainly sorry about the Holloways' loss I'm much more sorry that they couldn't do like the other 5,000 or so people whose loved ones go missing every year and get on with their goddamn lives.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]

dear localroger (2.75 / 4) (#195)
by wampswillion on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 10:40:07 PM EST

to lose someone you love is maybe the most painful experience there is to have in this world.  
to lose a child would be incomprehensible pain, i think.  

and i also personally cannot imagine the horror of your child being missing. of not knowing whether they were alive or dead or being abused or tortured.  that would be the hell of all hells.  

and for all of this, i too am sorry for natalee's family.  

and i don't wish to be critical of anyone in these circumstances.   but having said that, i agree with you that there are many souls on this earth that when they come up missing or are lost- that  no one seems to care on wit about. and the media blitz, whoever orchestrated it, was completely appalling.  

but my biggest objection to her parents is that i do believe that they pre-determined that the investigation was going to be bad and then they, through the media- in fact-- undermined it.  

and in the meantime, there were people, that it turns out now- were accused by the family unjustly, yes?  even an apology on natalee's family's part would seem pretty empty now.

and i liked your story lr.  i did.  because i do think that were natalee somehow to have survived, that her parents (mostly her mother) made it absolutely impossible for her to ever come home and be who she was before.

and well, cindy sheehan?  i don't know.  i see your point on how she may have been used. but i'm not so sure she's all that innocent either.

sigh. it's all sad.  so how's your search for a home for your house going?  

 

[ Parent ]

Buying land is a PITA (3.00 / 4) (#204)
by localroger on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 11:19:46 PM EST

I've exhaused all the obvious possibilities for now, have a few people sniffing around in the Brookhaven/Crystal Springs area. There is one parcel I could go with but it needs major bulldozer work which I wouldn't want to be doing in summer anyway, and the guy wants $1000 more an acre than I think it's worth, and I'd have to do the work quickly so I could subdivide it and turn most of it around because it's much bigger than what I want for myself. If it's still on the market and nothing else comes up I might make an offer on it in August or September.

Meanwhile I will occupy myself investigating fibrous concrete ("papercrete"), an alternative construction material you make by pulping your own recycled paper and making paper mache with it and portland cement. The result is allegedly impervious to fire and insects since the fibers are coated in portland cement, as good an insulator as fiberglass batt, and structural up to 300 PSI even when soaked in water. Most people using this material cast blocks which they use to stack-build adobe-like homes in the southwest, but I'm thinking it could replace both drywall and styrofoam insulation while improving on both. Nobody seems to have ever tried casting thin sheets, and nobody seems to have ever tried vacuum de-watering. So I've got stuff to do while I wait for the land situation to resolve.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]

i've got a lot of (none / 1) (#223)
by wampswillion on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 08:20:54 AM EST

old newspapers.  i usually take them to recycling here, but if you want them you could have them.  

don't forget that paper is trees.  so only use the recycled paper.  

ok, enough of the being silly, i must get to work.  good luck on your project.  you could get rich on this if it pans out.  everyone hates drywall.   and then too.   you could finance me and lil debbie's publishing kingdom.  

i'm sorry.  i forgot. no more silly. have to go to work where things are bleak.  

[ Parent ]

I think you can buy (none / 1) (#255)
by brain in a jar on Sat Apr 22, 2006 at 06:20:05 AM EST

that type of stuff here in europe as pre-made sheets of board. It is made with a mixture of wood fibre and cement, is strong, fireproof, and extremely heavy. The exterior shell of my boss' wood-frame house is made of it.

Life is too important, to be taken entirely seriously.
[ Parent ]

Papercrete sounds interesting. (none / 1) (#270)
by Contributor on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 12:12:36 AM EST

I'll have to look into it. Are you planning to build a home that's a bit more, shall we say, weatherproof?

You've reminded me of this outfit, which claims to have a a cheaper alternative to the hurricane-proof domes that got a bit of press in recent years.

Of course, after Katrina and Rita I've all but ruled out living anywhere near the water.


Contributor
[ Parent ]

A +: Free drug (none / 1) (#289)
by DaoDePhys on Sat Apr 29, 2006 at 01:57:19 PM EST

Anyone checked how much glue you sniff per hour in such house? It might or might not have some impact on health (I never checked).

[ Parent ]
posthumourously, -1 (2.73 / 15) (#165)
by SocratesGhost on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 08:01:20 PM EST

Like telling off your boss, sometimes you should just keep your big mouth shut.

I cannot in good conscience support what you did here.

You really should have tried harder to have her call her parents.

-Soc
I drank what?


Well... (none / 1) (#166)
by localroger on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 08:28:53 PM EST

...I did give her the name of my dentist. Hopefully that will help some.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
Winchester? /nt (3.00 / 3) (#167)
by Ignore Amos on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 08:32:54 PM EST


And that explains why airplanes carry cargo on small boats floating in their cargo aquarium. - Parent ]

Obviously not (3.00 / 2) (#185)
by localroger on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 09:59:11 PM EST

...for had I patronized the Winchester Dentist, dear reader, clearly I would not be here relating the tale.

I have actually gotten more emails from readers asking who my dentist is than over everything else I've ever written here put together. Including the novel.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]

A guy can dream, can't he? /nt (none / 1) (#201)
by Ignore Amos on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 11:06:35 PM EST


And that explains why airplanes carry cargo on small boats floating in their cargo aquarium. - Parent ]

Obviously not creatively /nt (3.00 / 3) (#215)
by SocratesGhost on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 01:33:40 AM EST

I'll be glad when everyone realizes just how tired this whole shotgun mouthwash thing has become.

Once or twice, ok. Once or twice per story or diary... yawn.

-Soc
I drank what?


[ Parent ]
what is the matter with you? (1.20 / 5) (#169)
by CamiR on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 08:38:59 PM EST

This is going to far!

[ Parent ]
Please explain: where is the land called Far? NT (1.66 / 3) (#187)
by shm on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 10:05:17 PM EST



[ Parent ]
This is garbage! (1.16 / 12) (#168)
by CamiR on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 08:37:06 PM EST

How would you feel if you're sister died like this, and why is it that you people have to rub it? When I read this I was sitting there thinking about how you will pay for the hurt that you've caused.

I took a nasty dump today after lunch (2.33 / 6) (#170)
by Ace Jones on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 08:39:43 PM EST

How would you if YOU were in the next stall?!

[ Parent ]
Pardon me? (1.25 / 8) (#172)
by CamiR on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 08:41:48 PM EST

You're a very sick person and I feel sorry for you.

[ Parent ]
How is that sick? (3.00 / 2) (#188)
by D Jade on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 10:05:53 PM EST

Shitting is a natural process which everyone should undertake at least once or twice a day. The fact that you clearly do not actually makes you the sicko. You should go see a doctor about that...

You're a shitty troll, so stop pretending you have more of a life than a cool dude -- HollyHopDrive
[ Parent ]
hi. (3.00 / 4) (#203)
by running with scissors on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 11:14:35 PM EST

are you single?

[ Parent ]
Well, I don't have a sister (2.83 / 18) (#178)
by localroger on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 09:13:12 PM EST

I do have a hometown, though. It's New Orleans. And that isn't fiction. Last time I checked about 1,200 people were dead (I know a couple, most people at least know of a casualty through mutual friendship). About 200,000 people were homeless (everyone knows someone who has lost everything. A lot of entire neighborhoods are gone.) And our illustrious media, which leap like trained basset hounds when Beth Holloway announces a press conference, spent the week after hurricane Katrina explaining what a bunch of dirty animals New Orleans are, shooting at their rescuers and raping and pillaging in the Superdome as they waited for rescue -- all unsubstantiated rumors that turned out to be bullshit of the purest ray serene, but it went out on the five o'clock news and everyone still believes it. So to this day we're "irresponsible" and "violent" all of which conveniently makes us poor candidates for the largesse of a government we always assumed existed precisely to help out with this kind of situation.

So to get back to your question, if I had a sister who died like this I wouldn't call a fucking press conference every other day and demand that sovereign governments of other nations fix their defective criminal justice systems to be more in line with my upper middle class WASP American standards. I wouldn't drag my sister's name through every Internet forum and talk show in the English-speaking world, especially once it became clear that public appeals had exhausted their usefulness. I wouldn't lambast the police and interfere with them doing their jobs and demand a boycott of their country's tourist industry when they didn't jump high enough at my command.

In short, I'd try to muster some fucking dignity about it, and get on with my life. It's been a year now, and they don't even have Cindy Sheehan's excuse that the war that killed their kid is an ongoing hazard to others.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]

you go! (none / 1) (#180)
by wampswillion on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 09:33:51 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Careful Rog... (3.00 / 3) (#186)
by D Jade on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 10:04:36 PM EST

... I don't think that they will understand words like lambast. It's a little too high brow...

You're a shitty troll, so stop pretending you have more of a life than a cool dude -- HollyHopDrive
[ Parent ]
Yeah, I gotta watch myself, thx /nt (3.00 / 3) (#192)
by localroger on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 10:11:08 PM EST



I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
Yeah (2.33 / 3) (#248)
by fairthought on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 08:26:15 PM EST

...especially since the word is lambaste.

[ Parent ]
Hello (3.00 / 3) (#249)
by localroger on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 08:59:20 PM EST

Lambast is OK too.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
I see (none / 1) (#283)
by fairthought on Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 05:18:49 PM EST

Take it up with The American Heritage Dictionary.

That's where I looked it up before my post. There was no mention of an alternate spelling, but if some other dictionary finds it acceptable, I won't complain about it.

[ Parent ]

You used an American dictionary? (none / 1) (#293)
by D Jade on Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 10:23:13 PM EST

Americans can't spell? RealiZe? WTF?

Double pwned!

You're a shitty troll, so stop pretending you have more of a life than a cool dude -- HollyHopDrive
[ Parent ]

PWNED (none / 1) (#268)
by D Jade on Sun Apr 23, 2006 at 09:22:05 PM EST



You're a shitty troll, so stop pretending you have more of a life than a cool dude -- HollyHopDrive
[ Parent ]
Try again (3.00 / 2) (#284)
by fairthought on Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 06:21:22 PM EST

Sorry, I would say that it is still you that is pwned. The "lambast" variant is not considered acceptable by all dictionaries and most likely arose as a misspelling of "lambaste" that some (WordNet?) may now find acceptable. The irony of describing such a usage as "high brow" is deserving of being pointed out.

[ Parent ]
No need to try (2.50 / 2) (#292)
by D Jade on Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 10:22:17 PM EST

The Oxford Dictionary agrees with Roger and myself and if Oxford says that Lambast is acceptable then it is.

Like I said, pwned!

You're a shitty troll, so stop pretending you have more of a life than a cool dude -- HollyHopDrive
[ Parent ]

Three cheers. (3.00 / 2) (#217)
by aphrael on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 03:09:01 AM EST

Somebody needs to stand up for New Orleans.

What went on in your city last fall was the greatest government failure of my lifetime. It pisses me off to no end that nobody seems to care any more.

[ Parent ]

You should post that as a top-level comment (none / 1) (#219)
by MichaelCrawford on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 05:16:22 AM EST

this one might not be noticed. I think all the pinheads who will be arriving soon to share their concerns with us would do well to read it.


Crawford, with his sharp sense of internet currents, saw the thin edge of it while it was still invisible to most of us, but you can feel it in the air. The
[ Parent ]

Consider it a warm-up (3.00 / 3) (#222)
by localroger on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 08:06:31 AM EST

I did a lot of driving around yesterday at work, and used the time to work out exactly what I would say in the extremely unlikely event that I find myself on a split screen with, say, Wolf Blitzer one day. This rant was the result.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
Owned (none / 1) (#227)
by stuaart on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 10:24:24 AM EST

Ok, this comment qualifies the article for me. I retract my -1. D'oh!

Linkwhore: [Hidden stories.] Baldrtainment: Corporate concubines and Baldrson: An Introspective


[ Parent ]
You are blaming the wrong person (3.00 / 2) (#253)
by The Diary Section on Sat Apr 22, 2006 at 03:36:48 AM EST

You are as bent over and fucked senseless by the media as anyone that you actually believe the above. Natalee Holloway has bugger all to do with anything. You are allowing yourself to buy into the unfortunately all too persistent modern notion that victims should compete with each other on the media stage.

This reminds me of the debates that exist in the Jewish world with regard to deals done or attempted with the Nazis that affected the very first Israeli government, as if progroms and concerntration camps weren't the actual cause of people dying.
Spend 10 minutes in the company of an American and you end up feeling like a Keats or a Shelley: Thin, brilliant, suave, and desperate for industrial-scale quantities of opium.
[ Parent ]

Mr. DS, reality calling on line 5 (1.50 / 2) (#257)
by localroger on Sat Apr 22, 2006 at 09:51:29 AM EST

You are allowing yourself to buy into the unfortunately all too persistent modern notion that victims should compete with each other on the media stage.

Of course they do, and if you believe otherwise I have to wonder how long you've been living in a cardboard box. Air time is a finite and precious resource. It's expensive. Every minute spent covering topic A is a minute that topic B is ignored.

The value of that air time is propped up more than anything else by the number of eyeballs sucking up the topic du jour, and while the news shows pretend to exist to inform us what they actually exist to do is to attract eyeballs for their advertisers. The result of this is often that important but complex news stories, like intricate cases of corporate fraud or just about anything in Africa, get pushed aside in favor of Britney Spears' latest gaffe.

The Holloways are no innocents in this game. I would not begrudge them their fifteen minutes to ask for help finding their daughter, but the problem is they weren't happy with fifteen minutes. After their fifteen minutes turned into five hours they still had the gall to complain when the cameras turned away from them.

Natalee herself is beyond all this. If she is dead she is beyond harm, and if she isn't then her mother has destroyed her chance of living a normal life far more thoroughly than anything I could ever do.

I have no idea what you're getting at in your last paragraph, but I suspect that's Godwin calling for you on line 4.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]

Don't be silly (2.80 / 5) (#258)
by The Diary Section on Sat Apr 22, 2006 at 11:40:34 AM EST

Godwin's law is a made-up internet thing, I was drawing a genuine analogy about in-fighting that threatens to obscure the genuine issues. Somehow you've decided that Beth Holloway and the media have caused people to die and suffer in New Orleans and not the incompetence of its elected officials (both local and national), endemic racial divisions and a natural disaster.

As you say, Every minute spent covering topic A is a minute that topic B is ignored and guess what, you've just wasted quite a few of them on something completely irrelevant and worse still, muddied the waters around what should be very clear cut issues of what people should and should not be rightly angry about. Congratulations.
Spend 10 minutes in the company of an American and you end up feeling like a Keats or a Shelley: Thin, brilliant, suave, and desperate for industrial-scale quantities of opium.
[ Parent ]

ATTN CTS! read the parent and above. (none / 1) (#259)
by bush or kerry on Sat Apr 22, 2006 at 11:55:01 AM EST

This has been the best fucking criticism of this story. It makes a meaningful point AND it's not frothing at the mouth.
-
Let loose the juice.
[ Parent ]
IAWTP (1.66 / 3) (#261)
by localroger on Sat Apr 22, 2006 at 12:22:30 PM EST

The Diary Section's criticism is stated civilly and deserves a response. One could profitably learn from his example.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
It's also 100% correct (1.25 / 4) (#262)
by r3u8rb on Sat Apr 22, 2006 at 01:54:15 PM EST



---
Join me on irc.slashnet.org #Kuro5hin.org - the official Kuro5hin IRC channel.
[ Parent ]
Well, I don't agree with that /nt. (1.25 / 4) (#263)
by localroger on Sat Apr 22, 2006 at 02:01:52 PM EST



I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
You don't have to. (1.25 / 4) (#264)
by r3u8rb on Sat Apr 22, 2006 at 10:27:35 PM EST



---
Join me on irc.slashnet.org #Kuro5hin.org - the official Kuro5hin IRC channel.
[ Parent ]
Ring... Ring... (1.75 / 4) (#260)
by localroger on Sat Apr 22, 2006 at 12:15:59 PM EST

Godwin's law is a made-up internet thing

Which was made up for damn good reasons. Still,

I was drawing a genuine analogy about in-fighting that threatens to obscure the genuine issues.

Your point was clear as mud, and still is. I have no idea what you are getting at and still don't. If you can explain what you are getting at in terms that make sense I'll address it.

...and not the incompetence of its elected officials (both local and national), endemic racial divisions and a natural disaster.

Congratulations, in one sentence fragment you have managed to cite four points two of which are exactly the lies and distortions I am so upset about. But then again, unless you live here you wouldn't know the bullshit from the reality. Even a lot of people who do live here watch so much TV they're not sure any more.

guess what, you've just wasted quite a few of them on something completely irrelevant

What, I'm on TV? *looks in mirror* Really, you appear to be suffering from the delusion that this is important.

While we are talking about this, the President is laying plans to use nuclear (excuse me, nucular) weapons against Iran. Oil is at $75 a barrel and gasoline is over $3/gallon. New construction prices in NOLA are starting at $130/sqft pricing many would-be returnees out of their homes. Half of Bush's inner circle is about to get indicted and he plays musical chairs, with their positions instead of bringing in the new blood everyone agrees is needed. A whole bunch of horrible crap is happening in Africa. And nobody at all cares what we are discussing on kuro5hin dot org, but I feel Crawford is right and a whole lot of those precious expensive media moments are about to be sucked up by the infinitely deep vortex of Beth Holloway's ego.

And neither of us can do a fucking thing about it. But if someone is dumb enough to let themselves get so wrapped up in the sad but very yesterday tragedy of Natalee Holloway, then at least I can make them feel like shit for a few minutes. Which may not be a good thing, but rough justice is better than none.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]

Well OK then (2.00 / 2) (#265)
by The Diary Section on Sun Apr 23, 2006 at 05:34:02 AM EST

If making people you've never met before in your life "feel like shit" is what you do for a hobby, then I guess there is no further point talking to you is there. Perhaps its a weakness but I tend avoid people like that.
Spend 10 minutes in the company of an American and you end up feeling like a Keats or a Shelley: Thin, brilliant, suave, and desperate for industrial-scale quantities of opium.
[ Parent ]
Well that's lame (1.75 / 4) (#266)
by localroger on Sun Apr 23, 2006 at 09:27:34 AM EST

You still haven't explained the Israel/Nazis thing, you repeated two pervasive godawful lies about my hometown, you look past the rundown of shit that's being ignored because of distractions like the Holloways to complain that "my hobby" (as if I don't ever do anything else) is *sniff* making people feel bad.

Sometimes the only way you can get someone's attention is to make them feel bad. Maybe because, you know, they are doing something wrong or stupid and they should feel bad.

I don't hold out much hope that this article will make much improvement in the world, but I do feel it is elegantly self-limiting in that the only people who are going to be upset by it probably deserve to have their apple carts overturned.

Think about it. What, exactly, is here that is so bad it is worth all of the words that have already been spent? Even if MC's hoped-for hordes never show up, as a troll it's already pulled in you, CTS, and several others who have reacted with far more shock and horror than it warrants. People more prominent than me have published far, far, far worse things about people who are actually alive and vulnerable, and people nod and wink. But poke a stick at the memory of Natalee and the natives show up with pitchforks and torches. It's a fascinating phenomenon, demonstrating IMO just how fucked up human priorities tend to be.

Anyway, let me close with a bit of wisdom from some other people who are far more prolific than I am at profaning the dead:

Q. How do you think someone would feel if their dead body was posted up on the internet?

A. I would think they feel nothing, what with being dead and all.

--The FAQ at rotten dot com

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
Ahoy there. (2.50 / 2) (#267)
by The Diary Section on Sun Apr 23, 2006 at 07:57:59 PM EST

A slight prod and the good ship Sanctimony has slipped its moorings.

This is why you aren't very good at this, it actually bothers you that you'd be thought of as someone who wants to make other people "feel like shit" for all your brave words. If you won't do the time, don't do the crime and certainly don't try to dress it up as a product of righteous anger. You are just making yourself look both weak and stupid. If you really didn't care it would require no justification.

Media coverage of Natalee Holloway and New Orleans have no real connection except in your mind, and barely even there. I mean, why not vent your anger on sports or politics or any of the other things that distracted from New Orleans? You are pretending they are closely linked now because you want to flash your Victim License around. But we both know what happened here really. The suggestion that Natalee Holloway might be interwoven with NOLA was not even your idea but actually part of someone calling you a tool and now you are retrospectively ironing over that little continuity flaw. Ironically you failed to notice you were being accused of the same lack of perspective you are being so huffy about in Beth Holloway.

FWIW I couldn't care less about Natalee Holloway or New Orleans. You've had your donations and your exposure and even your prayers. At this point its personal to Beth Holloway and you respectively, but it isn't to me. I'm sorry if you think I'm lying about New Orleans which I genuinely wouldn't want to do, but as I think you agree, that is the received view. The solution presents itself neatly enough though; you should hire Ms. Holloway to put the record straight with the media.

Happy sailing.
Spend 10 minutes in the company of an American and you end up feeling like a Keats or a Shelley: Thin, brilliant, suave, and desperate for industrial-scale quantities of opium.
[ Parent ]

Not quite (1.66 / 3) (#269)
by localroger on Sun Apr 23, 2006 at 09:30:44 PM EST

it actually bothers you that you'd be thought of as someone who wants to make other people "feel like shit"

No, what bothers me is the implication that making people feel like shit is the only thing I do.

And here is the difference between us:

FWIW I couldn't care less about Natalee Holloway or New Orleans.

And I care about both. Which is, admittedly, a source of weakness in a troll. But then I don't really identify as a troll (yes, I called trolls evil, but then I said this project was evil myself even before deciding to accept the challenge).

Do you think that if I was fundamentally bothered by making people feel bad that I could have written the first chapter of MOPI?

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]

Oh man. (3.00 / 4) (#271)
by Spendocrat on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 02:09:10 AM EST

I have no idea what you're getting at in your last paragraph, but I suspect that's Godwin calling for you on line 4.

This is the stupidest comment I've read on K5 in a year. Just say "NO YOU!!!" next time and leave off pretending that you're not acting like a child.

[ Parent ]

Hey fuckface! She didn't die! Can't you read? (3.00 / 5) (#184)
by D Jade on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 09:55:52 PM EST

She's alive and well in NOLA. What about the hurt you've caused saying that she's dead? Heartless people like you make me sick.

You're a shitty troll, so stop pretending you have more of a life than a cool dude -- HollyHopDrive
[ Parent ]
I want the name of the people in charge. (1.14 / 14) (#173)
by CamiR on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 08:43:58 PM EST

I'm going to send a letter about this and how I feel about you making fun of a girl who was killed in an innocent way that was unfair and MURDEROUS!

Seriously. (3.00 / 5) (#174)
by spooked on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 08:54:40 PM EST

I'm not buying it.

Seriously.
[ Parent ]
How'd you know?? (none / 1) (#197)
by roseWallpaper on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 10:46:31 PM EST

Please accept this beautiful, hooklatch wall hanging as your prize.

[ Parent ]
2 much 2 soon 2 similar. NT (2.50 / 2) (#206)
by spooked on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 11:39:49 PM EST



Seriously.
[ Parent ]
Who you going to write too? (2.75 / 4) (#175)
by alphaxer0 on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 09:00:00 PM EST

Nobody, cause this is perfectly A Okay according to our constitution.

There is nothing you can do

[ Parent ]

Knock yourself out (3.00 / 6) (#176)
by localroger on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 09:03:19 PM EST

I'm going to send a letter about this

K5 is always in need of new material. Things have been thin lately. Any help would be appreciated.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]

Denial... (3.00 / 5) (#182)
by D Jade on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 09:53:31 PM EST

If you're going to write a letter about this, why not write one to the parents of those poor pirate lads? They took Natalee in, fed her and kept her high on all of the drugs she craves and she repaid them by leaving them to drown in the ocean.

Shame on you sir! You call yourself a Christian? In fact, you think it appropriate to even call yourself American? You're a freedom hating Mohammed loving terrorist. Go back to Tikrit!

You're a shitty troll, so stop pretending you have more of a life than a cool dude -- HollyHopDrive
[ Parent ]

I'm in charge (none / 1) (#239)
by Des Beelzebubs Rechtsbeistand on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 05:56:30 PM EST


Rate comments: [no |v]
[ Parent ]

Natalee's mom came to speak at my high school (2.75 / 4) (#194)
by devrt on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 10:29:53 PM EST

Ironic time to post your story, at least for me.

See my post about the speech here.

I don't think it's a coincidence. (3.00 / 5) (#196)
by localroger on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 10:40:23 PM EST

Dark machines, idle these many months, are being reactivated. Crawford, with his sharp sense of internet currents, saw the thin edge of it while it was still invisible to most of us, but you can feel it in the air. The ground is rumbling. It's only a matter of time.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
Sigged! (3.00 / 2) (#210)
by MichaelCrawford on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 12:44:50 AM EST

Unfortunately, your whole comment was too long for the maximum sig length, and even TinyURL was powerless to make your link fit.

Behold:


Crawford, with his sharp sense of internet currents, saw the thin edge of it while it was still invisible to most of us, but you can feel it in the air. The
[ Parent ]
Who cares? (2.66 / 6) (#212)
by r3u8rb on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 01:01:25 AM EST

You change your sig 10 times a day.

---
Join me on irc.slashnet.org #Kuro5hin.org - the official Kuro5hin IRC channel.
[ Parent ]
Ah, but consider its significance (2.33 / 3) (#213)
by MichaelCrawford on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 01:07:23 AM EST

A link whore's sig is valuable real estate. Yet I'm not using it to advertise one of my articles, am I?


Crawford, with his sharp sense of internet currents, saw the thin edge of it while it was still invisible to most of us, but you can feel it in the air. The
[ Parent ]

No (2.00 / 5) (#225)
by A Bore on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 09:10:35 AM EST

You're using it, again, to suck up to localroger, for various psychological reasons that we won't go in to here.

[ Parent ]
I summarize it thusly: (1.66 / 3) (#231)
by The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 12:27:24 PM EST

LOL DONGS

___
I'm a pompous windbag, I take myself far too seriously, and I single-handedly messed up K5 by causing the fiction section to be created. --localroger

[ Parent ]
OMG! Teh Shok! (2.33 / 12) (#200)
by der on Thu Apr 20, 2006 at 10:58:51 PM EST

Apparently this whole Natalee Holloway thing is (still) a hot topic, since the entertaining discussion I was expecting about how this incredibly awful piece of complete garbage actually got posted to the front page seems to have been replaced by bad trolls from 13 year-old "girls" about being a big meanie or whatever.

I would have got an F on this crap if I wrote it in grade 5 over the course of 30 minutes. Of course even then I wouldn't have been so much of a pompous windbag to make it literally about myself.



Is this story blocked from google? (2.50 / 2) (#221)
by tetsuwan on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 07:33:07 AM EST

I can't see it.

Njal's Saga: Just like Romeo & Juliet without the romance

it'll be at least a couple more days (none / 1) (#224)
by MichaelCrawford on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 08:42:21 AM EST

It can take up to a week for a new page to show up on google, even if it's crawled right away, which it probably wasn't. I know this because I watch for my own pages to show up.

Someone said he saw his diary show up in just two days, but that's probably the fastest it every happens.

Later in the morning I'll post a diary about how to track a page's progress in google.


Crawford, with his sharp sense of internet currents, saw the thin edge of it while it was still invisible to most of us, but you can feel it in the air. The
[ Parent ]

A work of genius and beauty (2.66 / 3) (#229)
by some nerd on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 11:55:30 AM EST

I rarely check into k5 these days so I didn't see this, I definetely would have voted it up. Hopefully it will attract more amusingly misspelt flames.

--
Home Sweet Home

Darwinism in action (2.75 / 4) (#234)
by falkenberg on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 03:27:05 PM EST

A female went, without anyone who could protect her, to a place she didn't know, proceeded to drink herself into incompetence, and went off to a destination unknown with guys about whom she knew nothing except the lies they told her to get her into the car. The really surprising thing about Natalee Hollaway is the fact that she survived as long as she did. Yes that's a bloody awful thing to say, but it's also true.

Lame (2.62 / 16) (#237)
by The Diary Section on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 04:28:06 PM EST

I voted against this. You are just trolling yourselves in effect. The only bites here will be from semi-comedic dupes. Roger, some time ago you wrote an article on the Adequacy-style troll. By contrast, this story is just plain tasteless and its reach is pathetically short because it has no other point to it. If we contrast the original FNH genuinely did have something to say that a lot of people agreed with and an equally large number of people didn't want to hear thus it did, at least early on, create furious debate. It was a worthy contribution to discourse (such as it is on teh internets) and I defended it here and in other places.

But this time, well, you might as well have taken a picture of Abe Lincoln and draw a cock and balls on his forehead. Sure, some people will be outraged but then they are the people who outraged by virtually everything as a default position.

This is just very poor from all angles.

Spend 10 minutes in the company of an American and you end up feeling like a Keats or a Shelley: Thin, brilliant, suave, and desperate for industrial-scale quantities of opium.

This is so exciting.................. (2.00 / 7) (#240)
by parodyAccount on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 06:41:59 PM EST

I'm trembling. (Hold me.)

Well done, sir (3.00 / 2) (#241)
by jimrandomh on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 06:53:45 PM EST

Is Natalee Holloway alive? Thanks to the ludicrous amount of media coverage, it's something most Americans have given at least a little thought to. Since the body hasn't found, the question can't be answered with certainty either way.

If the answer is "no", then this is a clever short story and that's all there is to it. That's the most likely possibility.

If the answer is "yes", on the other hand, then she's probably googled her own name at least once, and probably read this story (by a different author). It's plausible (not necessarily true) that she or a close friend of hers could be a K5 reader or writer. Now, the fact that localroger (the author of this story) is from New Orleans has been on the front page of K5 three times. So if Natalee Holloway were alive, read K5, and needed someone to talk to, then localroger would be a plausible candidate.

The probability of all of these things happening is small, but it's not zero. And the beautiful thing is, it can't possibly be proven either way. If localroger didn't meet Holloway, he would (truthfully) say he didn't. If he did meet her, he would be morally obligated to deny it anyways.

All of this underscores the main point of the story. Making a spectacle never helps anyone, and our media really does more harm than good. Granted, the effect of this story will probably be a spectacle in itself, but it's also memorable and powerful. I think it's a worthwhile piece either way.


--
CalcRogue: TI-89, 92+, PalmOS, Windows and Linux.
Nice link whoring. (none / 1) (#242)
by bush or kerry on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 07:07:21 PM EST

Assuming Crawford and Roger are right about this article's potential.
-
Let loose the juice.
[ Parent ]
Sigs don't count (none / 1) (#243)
by jimrandomh on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 07:23:40 PM EST

Kuro5hin puts a rel=nofollow tag on links found in sigs, so even if this article's pagerank becomes huge, the only other page my comment will boost is the old "Fuck Natalee Holloway" story. (This is as it should be.)
--
CalcRogue: TI-89, 92+, PalmOS, Windows and Linux.
[ Parent ]
But you still get free advertising (none / 1) (#244)
by bush or kerry on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 07:33:02 PM EST

from all the visitors when the pagerank goes up.

Your link is awesome by the way. I wish I had calcrogue(and the calculator to run it) in highschool.
-
Let loose the juice.
[ Parent ]

There is one other thing (3.00 / 4) (#251)
by localroger on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 10:44:50 PM EST

There is something that a lot of people have searched for that leads straight to me. In fact it's the thing I've gotten more private email about than anything else I've ever written. It's something that someone might find especially useful after using methamphetamine for awhile. But of course I said I wouldn't say what it was, and I'm being coy...

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
just tell us (none / 1) (#252)
by zombie HollyHopDrive on Sat Apr 22, 2006 at 01:01:39 AM EST





[He blew]inside..m..e.. [and verily] corrected a deviated septum and cauterized my turbinates. - MichaelCrawford
[ Parent ]
the mexican dentist thing? (3.00 / 2) (#288)
by army of phred on Thu Apr 27, 2006 at 01:53:10 PM EST

I never knew you were a methhead!

"Republicans are evil." lildebbie
"I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about." motormachinemercenary
"my wife is getting a blowjob" ghostoft1ber
[ Parent ]
Thank you, another... (none / 1) (#247)
by mikelist on Fri Apr 21, 2006 at 08:07:47 PM EST

...point that will be completely missed by most readers. I'll be visiting the Big Diseasy for the second weekend of JazzFest, my wife and I have adopted the town. Until Kate showed up uninvited, we were planning to retire there, or near there.

Anyone trolled by this (1.28 / 14) (#254)
by Zombie Natalee Holloway on Sat Apr 22, 2006 at 04:33:55 AM EST

clearly has no BRAINS!!!!
--
If you have any information regarding the disappearance of Natalee Holloway, please contact the FBI Tip Line at 1-877-628-2533. Please bring BRAINS!
*yawn* maybe the Hollowayans (none / 1) (#273)
by null0 r0bot0 on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 12:11:49 PM EST

have grown thicker skin. Exposure to K5 can do that to people.

lollers

the FNH story had them (none / 1) (#275)
by minerboy on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 07:21:43 PM EST

Stop using google, they now prefer a "good" search engine, like ask jeeves



[ Parent ]
Good Work! (3.00 / 3) (#276)
by DrToast on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 09:53:24 PM EST

Given that MOPI was an erotic furry story, you've moved up two rungs to be an Erotic Fanfic Writer Who Puts Themselves In The Story. It's always good to see someone really pushing the limits of their abilities.

Har har, but it's not right (3.00 / 2) (#277)
by localroger on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 10:04:01 PM EST

Not to argue your classifications, but that chart is wrong, and actually reveals its author's position by the distortion. Any serious SF fan would not consider themselves superior to or "less geeky than" amateur SF authors because they understand that every single published SF author in history started as an amateur. The arrow leading to "amatuer SF authors" should emerge from "professional SF authors," and certainly not from "SF fans." In fact, you could probably split Fans up at least once before the big split in the chart, because there are Fans who understand what I just wrote, who certainly consider themselves less geeky than Fans who think Larry Niven is a genius so awesome they could never hope to match his imaginative power.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
it's never okay to deconstruct a joke (2.83 / 6) (#278)
by my gold bling shines on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 11:38:05 PM EST

especially if the motivation is to make yourself not the butt of it any more.


Stop your blubbering prima donna - BottleRocket
[ Parent ]
Pardon me as I deconstruct your reply (none / 1) (#279)
by localroger on Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 08:10:05 AM EST

...oh wait. Never mind.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
it's a delicious sensation, yes? (none / 1) (#280)
by my gold bling shines on Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 08:26:36 AM EST

I left you nowhere to go


Stop your blubbering prima donna - BottleRocket
[ Parent ]
Good Work Team (none / 1) (#285)
by alphaxer0 on Wed Apr 26, 2006 at 02:11:58 AM EST

This story is number two on google.

And much more fun (3.00 / 4) (#286)
by MrHanky on Wed Apr 26, 2006 at 01:12:12 PM EST

is Google's snippet from the original FNH article, the #1 hit from a search for "natalee". Cut from a comment by LilDebbie: "In closing, I would like to add that I did not fuck Natalee Holloway; ..."

That's so good that I'm off to drink a few beers.


"This was great, because it was a bunch of mature players who were able to express themselves and talk politics." Lettuce B-Free, on being a total fucking moron for Ron Paul.

Completely forgot I wrote that (none / 1) (#287)
by LilDebbie on Wed Apr 26, 2006 at 04:08:48 PM EST

That, Sir, is teh awesome!

Now I'm definitely going to have to try to replenish my supply tonight. For celebration! 4chan! Crack-chan!

My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden.
- hugin -

[ Parent ]

localroger_failures++; (none / 1) (#290)
by Tex two point oh on Sat Apr 29, 2006 at 08:08:09 PM EST



No Duh (none / 1) (#291)
by localroger on Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 09:07:54 AM EST

You're a bit late, Tex.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
many men have tried and none have succeeded. (none / 1) (#295)
by seisa on Thu Jun 08, 2006 at 01:12:44 AM EST

they tried and failed?

they tried and died.

Dune ftw. (none / 1) (#299)
by insomnyuk on Mon Feb 26, 2007 at 09:21:50 AM EST



---
"There is only one honest impulse at the bottom of Puritanism, and that is the impulse to punish the man with a superior capacity for happiness." - H.L. Mencken
[ Parent ]
Natalee Holloway Found Alive (none / 1) (#296)
by thekubrix on Wed Jun 28, 2006 at 03:45:16 PM EST

Natalee
Holloway
Found Alive
Natalee Holloway Found Alive

what?


consider a new UID (1.50 / 2) (#297)
by cDiss on Mon Oct 16, 2006 at 07:38:46 PM EST

localfailure

Naw, I'm thinking "cTroll" $ (none / 1) (#298)
by localroger on Sat Oct 21, 2006 at 12:05:18 AM EST



I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
[ Parent ]
Natalee Holloway Found Alive | 300 comments (210 topical, 90 editorial, 0 hidden)
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