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[P]
Crime Detective Story Part 4

By Tex Bigballs in Fiction
Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 12:00:00 PM EST
Tags: comma-separated, maximum of 10 tags please (all tags)

Crime.

Crime its in the streets.

My name is Detective Frank Franklin and I'm that thin blue line that separates decent law abiding citizens against criminals who commit crime. This is my story.

I was driving my police car home after a long weekend of police work. I pulled up to my little one story bungalow type house. It wasn't much but it's all a guy like me can afford on a cop salary. I looked forward to a nice long evening of watching baseball on the television and drinking a beer, etc.


I went in to my house.

I went into my kitchen and I was surprised to see my wife there nailed to the refrigerator with a railroad spike stuck in her head. There was like blood all over the god dam place. She looked at me with sad little eyes and was like "hey Frank I just want you to know I love you" and then she died and closed her eyes. I said "No!" very loudly.

There was a note on the table. It said "Hey Frank this is the Hong Kong Triad Chinese Yakuza Mafia. As you can see we killed you're wife. We also kidnapped your police dog (see attached picture) If you come after us we are going to kill it." The picture showed my police german shepherd sitting in a corner at gunpoint by two heavily armed guards.

I was super pissed.

Just then the door busted open and it was the police chief. He was bald and wore a cheap Men's Wearhouse suit and was like "hey Frank god dam it I know you're emotions are runnin hot but I need you to take some time off till this whole thing blows over." I threw my badge in the sink garbage disposal and was like "no way bro. this time its personal"

I got in my police car and drove to the bad part of the city. I looked up an old informant type stool pigeon guy. I got out of my squad car and was like "Hey I need to know where the hong kong yakuza mafia secret headquarters is located" He was like "Hey I don't know man." So I grabbed him by the hair and rubbed his nose against the concrete curb. He was like "ow ow oh my god owww" I was like "hey I call this the face eraser" and then I laughed to myself coz it was kind of funny.

So finally he told me and then I drove my car to their secret underground warehouse. All these ninja type guys started jumping at me and doing these flips and whatnot. I punched them all in their faces. This one ninja dude comes after me IN A FORKLIFT and I dodge out of the way and then he drives it right into a big pile of explosive barrels and there is a big huge explosion. So yeah.. okay then I got to the boss's secret office.

The boss is this big chinese guy (I mean big as far as everybody goes, not just big for a chinese guy) and he is  cross eyed and sitting at a desk and wearing a fancy suit and tie and I can tell he means business. On the wall are all sorts of certificates in karate, ninjitsu, judo, boxing, tiekwondoe etc.

He's like "Hello frank it was a big mistake coming here. Now you are gonna die."
And I'm like "No your gonna die."

He flips his desk over and stands up and flexes his muscles and his muscles are so big the suit automatically rips into little shreds and falls to the floor and he has just really big muscles. I whip out my gun and HE KARATE CHOPS IT IN HALF. Then he hits a button on his desk and a curtain opens behind him and there is my police german shepherd in a harness being lowered into a piranha tank! Then he hits another button on his desk and another curtain opens up behind him and there are stuffed and mounted heads of all the cops he's already taken down with an empty plaque saying "FRANK FRANKLIN" (which is for me) Then he hits another button and another curtain opens up and there are a whole pile of headless police corpses stacked up.

Then he says "I wired this building with 20 tons of explosives the whole god dam thing is set to blow in like 30 seconds" and I'm like "your bluffin chief" and he pulls an invoice out of his filing cabinet and it says "20 tons of explosives" and I'm like man this is pretty intense they didn't train me for this in the academy.

So I punch him in the jaw and his whole head doesn't even move. Then he grabs me and holds my head close to his table saw (which is turned on) and I am fightin for my life ready to give up and then I remember the good times with my wife and she's in my head saying "FRANK I LOVE YOU" and I look over at my police dog and he is barking and I step on the chinese guy's toes and then while he's distracted I bite out the blood vessel in his neck and blood goes flyin everywhere.

So then I grab my police dog out of the harness and the explosives are beeping "3-2-1" and I jump OUT OF THE WINDOW and onto the parking lot then roll behind a dumpster and the whole place blows up into a billion pieces with fire going everywhere and then all sorts of police cars roll up and the mayor comes out and he's like "HEY FRANK your under arrest we got some eyewitnesses and stuff"

It turns out the mayor was on the take! The whole thing was a set up from the word go.

THE END

TO BE CONTINUED

THIS STORY IS DEDICATED TO MEN AND WOMEN IN LAW ENFORCEMENT

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Crime Detective Story Part 4 | 52 comments (36 topical, 16 editorial, 0 hidden)
+1FP (3.00 / 3) (#1)
by insomnyuk on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 04:38:01 PM EST

WOULD READ AGAIN. A+++++

---
"There is only one honest impulse at the bottom of Puritanism, and that is the impulse to punish the man with a superior capacity for happiness." - H.L. Mencken
good story! altho you missed a capital F on frank. (3.00 / 4) (#2)
by dakini on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 04:48:52 PM EST



" May your vision be clear, your heart strong, and may you always follow your dreams."
good story, +1 FP! (3.00 / 4) (#5)
by United Fools on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 06:51:41 PM EST

We love the vivid descriptions! It is like, as if, how a fool would tell his story!

We are united, we are fools, and we are America!
this story made me sad (3.00 / 5) (#10)
by the spins on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 09:08:09 PM EST


 _
( )
 X
/ \ SUPPORT THE DEL GRIFFITH MODBOMBING CAMPAIGN

Finally... (3.00 / 5) (#11)
by mybostinks on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 12:32:58 AM EST

Thanks!

FP

This is shit (2.75 / 4) (#12)
by debacle on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 11:02:30 AM EST

quality over quantity, man.

It tastes sweet.
+1FP (3.00 / 3) (#13)
by daveybaby on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 11:58:56 AM EST

THIS SHOULD BE A MOVIE

Actually, it is. $ (3.00 / 3) (#26)
by wobblywizard on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 06:29:50 PM EST


--
You never win an argument with anyone who fucks you or signs your paychecks. I just smile, bite my lip and sip my drink. --Philalawyer
[ Parent ]

+1, FP! (3.00 / 5) (#14)
by MrHanky on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 01:49:15 PM EST

So that I can read it later, if I feel like it.


"This was great, because it was a bunch of mature players who were able to express themselves and talk politics." Lettuce B-Free, on being a total fucking moron for Ron Paul.
Now I've read it (3.00 / 2) (#24)
by MrHanky on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 05:47:43 PM EST

It's a masterpiece. I especially like how you use 'your' for 'you're' and vica verse.


"This was great, because it was a bunch of mature players who were able to express themselves and talk politics." Lettuce B-Free, on being a total fucking moron for Ron Paul.
[ Parent ]
Now that's some hard-boiled fiction! (3.00 / 3) (#18)
by LilDebbie on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 04:35:37 PM EST

Unlike my eggs, which are overeasy.

Dude, trying to type one handed while reaching over a steaming pancake is hard. +1FP with a vengeance!

My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden.
- hugin -

wtf? is that what you call it? (2.57 / 7) (#21)
by balsamic vinigga on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 05:19:00 PM EST

no wonder your chaste. "Hey baby, keep my steaming pancake warm in your oven." just doesn't sound as cute as you presumably think! That's no way to pop your eggs no matter how overly easy they are.

---
Please help fund a Filipino Horror Movie. It's been in limbo since 2007 due to lack of funding. Please donate today!
[ Parent ]
(3) Pervert (3.00 / 2) (#25)
by LilDebbie on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 05:51:10 PM EST

I WAS OF COURSE TALKING ABOUT MY MID-AFTERNOON BREAKFAST YOU SICK FUCK (PLZ KEEP THE LETTERS COMMING)!

My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden.
- hugin -

[ Parent ]
+1, R-O-Frikkin-R (3.00 / 3) (#20)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 05:15:21 PM EST

srsly

----------------

Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.

+1FP (3.00 / 1) (#22)
by Another Hope on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 05:22:52 PM EST

If it doesn't make it, I might cry.
Positively, a work of true art.

These always make me laugh (3.00 / 3) (#27)
by mybostinks on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 07:16:24 PM EST

and I enjoy them.

The series is a treasure.

What kind of stupid douchebag votes against these? (3.00 / 10) (#28)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 08:33:50 PM EST

Have you people so LITTLE in your lives to not see the humor?

----------------

Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.

What humor? (none / 0) (#37)
by rpresser on Wed Feb 21, 2007 at 12:02:58 PM EST

Please. Just tell me the location of ONE funny line in this crap. Don't even try to explain it to me, just point something out.

------------
"In terms of both hyperbolic overreaching and eventual wrongness, the Permanent [Republican] Majority has set a new, and truly difficult to beat, standard." --rusty
[ Parent ]
obviously you'd need the explanation (none / 1) (#38)
by balsamic vinigga on Wed Feb 21, 2007 at 12:39:32 PM EST

because I could randomly point to any part of it.

---
Please help fund a Filipino Horror Movie. It's been in limbo since 2007 due to lack of funding. Please donate today!
[ Parent ]
it's not supposed to be funny (3.00 / 20) (#39)
by Tex Bigballs on Wed Feb 21, 2007 at 01:03:51 PM EST

this is serious crime drama

[ Parent ]
NS (none / 1) (#40)
by apple on Wed Feb 21, 2007 at 01:16:35 PM EST

an empty plaque saying "FRANK FRANKLIN" (which is for me)

I lolled quite heartily at the "which is for me" bit.

-----------------
Sem4phore.org

[ Parent ]

i don't get it (none / 0) (#32)
by the77x42 on Wed Feb 21, 2007 at 02:19:58 AM EST

it was cheesy and cliched. the dog didn't even have a really tough or an ironically cute name.


"We're not here to educate. We're here to point and laugh." - creature
"You have some pretty stupid ideas." - indubitable ‮

and the dog should have been one day from (3.00 / 15) (#35)
by Adam Rightmann on Wed Feb 21, 2007 at 09:03:27 AM EST

retirement.

[ Parent ]
Death Bunny (3.00 / 1) (#33)
by MichaelCrawford on Wed Feb 21, 2007 at 05:07:44 AM EST

A friend of mine used to do a comic strip called Death Bunny. Death Bunny wore a rumpled suit and carried an automatic, and also smoked cigarrettes.

He did one for me, that I still have after many years, with the text "Here's to staying home this Easter". Death Bunny is blowing the Easter Bunny's brains out, his colored eggs flying out of his basket.


Looking for some free songs?


I was deeply moved by this. +1FP -rn (3.00 / 6) (#36)
by Sgt York on Wed Feb 21, 2007 at 12:00:42 PM EST


There is a reason for everything. Sometimes, that reason just sucks.

-1; no lapd stealth bomber (none / 0) (#43)
by hesk on Wed Feb 21, 2007 at 08:18:19 PM EST

you can do better than this!

--
Sticking to the rules doesn't improve your safety, relying on the rules is

EDITORS: Please add the follow links to the top! (3.00 / 7) (#44)
by Tex Bigballs on Wed Feb 21, 2007 at 10:52:37 PM EST

It is essential that all new fans to the CDS series start from the very beginning of this breathtaking saga!!!

Episode 1 comments

Episode 2 comments

Episode 3 comments

Christ rusty is useless (none / 0) (#51)
by zenador on Mon Feb 26, 2007 at 04:58:13 AM EST

That pwhysall dude used to be on top of this kind of stuff at least. What happened to him?

[ Parent ]
This is a new high for K5 (3.00 / 4) (#45)
by United Fools on Thu Feb 22, 2007 at 01:14:02 AM EST

This article raises the bar on K5's literature standards!

We are united, we are fools, and we are America!
I subscribe to too many RSS feeds (3.00 / 2) (#46)
by coljac on Thu Feb 22, 2007 at 05:27:14 PM EST

This article has helped me to slightly resolve this problem.

---
Whether or not life is discovered there I think Jupiter should be declared an enemy planet. - Jack Handey
Love it, but CS III was definitely the zenith (3.00 / 4) (#47)
by nlscb on Thu Feb 22, 2007 at 09:29:41 PM EST

Sorry, but how can you top:

I then start to handcuff him and am like "your under arrest." He starts crying like a little sissie and is like "for what?" "Resisting arrest."

Still makes me chuckle whenever I see a corrupt cop scandal on Fark.

The real scandal is that it never made FP.

Comment Search has returned - Like a beaten wife, I am pathetically grateful. - mr strange

yah (none / 0) (#48)
by Tex Bigballs on Fri Feb 23, 2007 at 09:05:11 AM EST

i think when niws started dupe upvoting cds3 and then spamming the diary section it kinda worked against me

[ Parent ]
great series (3.00 / 6) (#49)
by shrubbery on Fri Feb 23, 2007 at 01:56:31 PM EST

This is hilarious stuff except for a glaring oversight. Not once was Frank called a "loose cannon" and "out of line" by his boss. This must be corrected.

I had frank pegged (none / 0) (#50)
by billt on Sat Feb 24, 2007 at 07:29:00 AM EST

as a type of cop like Dignum from The Departed. He's so badass that his boss lets him do whatever he wants cause he's bad and crime is in the streets and so forth.

[ Parent ]
Crime its in the street. (none / 0) (#52)
by antizeus on Fri Mar 02, 2007 at 08:03:17 PM EST

The word "its" is a possessive pronoun, meaning "belonging to it". Is this a failure on the part of the author or the fictional narrator?
-- $SIGNATURE
This and all (none / 0) (#53)
by yellow shark on Sun Aug 05, 2007 at 06:43:53 PM EST

NIWS stories suck. Had it not been for your dupe hordes they would not have been voted up at all.

That is the only way they could have ever appeared.

Crime Detective Story Part 4 | 52 comments (36 topical, 16 editorial, 0 hidden)
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