I went in to my house.
I went into my kitchen and I was surprised to see my wife there nailed to the refrigerator with a railroad spike stuck in her head. There was like blood all over the god dam place. She looked at me with sad little eyes and was like "hey Frank I just want you to know I love you" and then she died and closed her eyes. I said "No!" very loudly.
There was a note on the table. It said "Hey Frank this is the Hong Kong Triad Chinese Yakuza Mafia. As you can see we killed you're wife. We also kidnapped your police dog (see attached picture) If you come after us we are going to kill it." The picture showed my police german shepherd sitting in a corner at gunpoint by two heavily armed guards.
I was super pissed.
Just then the door busted open and it was the police chief. He was bald and wore a cheap Men's Wearhouse suit and was like "hey Frank god dam it I know you're emotions are runnin hot but I need you to take some time off till this whole thing blows over." I threw my badge in the sink garbage disposal and was like "no way bro. this time its personal"
I got in my police car and drove to the bad part of the city. I looked up an old informant type stool pigeon guy. I got out of my squad car and was like "Hey I need to know where the hong kong yakuza mafia secret headquarters is located" He was like "Hey I don't know man." So I grabbed him by the hair and rubbed his nose against the concrete curb. He was like "ow ow oh my god owww" I was like "hey I call this the face eraser" and then I laughed to myself coz it was kind of funny.
So finally he told me and then I drove my car to their secret underground warehouse. All these ninja type guys started jumping at me and doing these flips and whatnot. I punched them all in their faces. This one ninja dude comes after me IN A FORKLIFT and I dodge out of the way and then he drives it right into a big pile of explosive barrels and there is a big huge explosion. So yeah.. okay then I got to the boss's secret office.
The boss is this big chinese guy (I mean big as far as everybody goes, not just big for a chinese guy) and he is cross eyed and sitting at a desk and wearing a fancy suit and tie and I can tell he means business. On the wall are all sorts of certificates in karate, ninjitsu, judo, boxing, tiekwondoe etc.
He's like "Hello frank it was a big mistake coming here. Now you are gonna die."
And I'm like "No your gonna die."
He flips his desk over and stands up and flexes his muscles and his muscles are so big the suit automatically rips into little shreds and falls to the floor and he has just really big muscles. I whip out my gun and HE KARATE CHOPS IT IN HALF. Then he hits a button on his desk and a curtain opens behind him and there is my police german shepherd in a harness being lowered into a piranha tank! Then he hits another button on his desk and another curtain opens up behind him and there are stuffed and mounted heads of all the cops he's already taken down with an empty plaque saying "FRANK FRANKLIN" (which is for me) Then he hits another button and another curtain opens up and there are a whole pile of headless police corpses stacked up.
Then he says "I wired this building with 20 tons of explosives the whole god dam thing is set to blow in like 30 seconds" and I'm like "your bluffin chief" and he pulls an invoice out of his filing cabinet and it says "20 tons of explosives" and I'm like man this is pretty intense they didn't train me for this in the academy.
So I punch him in the jaw and his whole head doesn't even move. Then he grabs me and holds my head close to his table saw (which is turned on) and I am fightin for my life ready to give up and then I remember the good times with my wife and she's in my head saying "FRANK I LOVE YOU" and I look over at my police dog and he is barking and I step on the chinese guy's toes and then while he's distracted I bite out the blood vessel in his neck and blood goes flyin everywhere.
So then I grab my police dog out of the harness and the explosives are beeping "3-2-1" and I jump OUT OF THE WINDOW and onto the parking lot then roll behind a dumpster and the whole place blows up into a billion pieces with fire going everywhere and then all sorts of police cars roll up and the mayor comes out and he's like "HEY FRANK your under arrest we got some eyewitnesses and stuff"
It turns out the mayor was on the take! The whole thing was a set up from the word go.
TO BE CONTINUED
THIS STORY IS DEDICATED TO MEN AND WOMEN IN LAW ENFORCEMENT