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[P]
Black Forest Cherry Pie

By bottlefucker in Fiction
Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 12:00:00 PM EST
Tags: (all tags)

John woke up when the patch of sunlight, which had been moving across the floor for an hour or so, reached his face. Beside him, sharing the sleeping bag, Katja was still sleeping. Katja's friend, Maria, whose room it was, had got up but was still in her pyjamas. When she turned towards him, John closed his eyes again, pretending to be asleep.

When Maria went into the shower, John turned onto his side and hugged Katja, thereby prodding her unsubtly and waking her up. For the next ten minutes, while Maria was in the shower, John tried to persuade Katja to accept some form of intercourse - oral would be quick and make no mess, he argued - while Katja tried equally unsuccessfully to get a few more minutes of sleep.


Two hours later, John and Katja were standing at the exit of a petrol station, holding hands. Katja held up an A4 pad displaying the letters FR, the abbreviation of their next destination, to each car that passed.

Although he had only slept for a few hours that night, and not much more on previous nights, John hardly feel sleepy. The bright sunlight and loud traffic drove out all sleepiness, leaving just a slight buzz, a mild sense of disconnectedness. He still wanted what he had woken up wanting, and he had thought about asking Katja to join him behind some nearby bushes, but then he had thought better of it and said nothing.

They were lucky that day. After less than an hour a businessman in a BMW offered them a lift all the way to Freiburg. He drove at 240 km/h most of the way and let them out near the centre of Freiburg at about lunch time. They bought some food in ALDI and ate it sitting on a bench near the cathedral.

Katja's sister Lena was not expecting them till four o'clock. John suggested going there immediately, if only to leave their rucksacks, but Katja preferred to arrive when she said they would. Despite a recent reconciliation, she was not on the best of terms with her sister.

"I wouldn't want to cause her any embarrassment by turning up when she's not yet expecting us", she said.

"Let's get a bus or train into the Black Forest then", John suggested.

"We can do that tomorrow with my sister. She'll know better where to go and how to get there. Let's look at the shops now."

John did not want to go walking in the country with Katja's sister. Sex in a haystack with two sisters might be good to fantasise about but he knew he had a much better chance of getting what he wanted if there were just the two of them. He also did not want to be dragged round the shops looking at clothes, and he said so, quite plainly.

He soon realised that he should have said it more politely, or have concentrated more on the positive aspects of his alternative proposal instead of criticising what she wanted to do. Inevitably, they got into an argument.

"Well I don't want to spend the afternoon with you either if you're going to be like this", Katja said, in the end. "Why don't you go and look at the forest and I'll go shopping and we'll meet at my sister's some time after four o'clock."

Katja wrote her sister's address on a strip of paper and gave it to John, insisting that he also recite it several times in case he lost the paper: Staunbergerstrasse 4/10/6. Then they parted, on fairly good terms, considering some of the harsh words that had been exchanged.

John went to the train station first, but found it was easiest to take a bus from there. It felt strange at first to be separated from Katja; since the end of the university term, two months ago, they had been together almost constantly, day and night. However, as the bus passed through smaller and smaller villages, he began to enjoy a sense of freedom and felt almost an exhilaration, as if anything might happen. At the same time he knew that in a few hours he would be with Katja again, they would kiss and cuddle, and maybe tonight she would relieve him of his frustration.

At the bus's final stop about half a dozen passengers got out, all of them elderly apart from John and a dark-haired girl of student age. John knew where he wanted to go on the map, but it took him a little while to work out which way that was on the ground. Soon, however, he was walking briskly on a gravel road uphill towards some woodland.

There was nobody around apart from one other walker, ahead of him. As he drew closer he saw it was the dark-haired girl from the bus. He had not left the city to meet people, and it seemed likely that she had not come there to look for company, either, but she looked at him in a friendly way as he overtook her, so he said "hullo".

"Hullo", she said, and she waited for John to say something else.

"The, er, Black Forest is up here, is it?" asked John.

The girl laughed.

"Yes, all around here. Where are you heading?", she asked.

"I don't know really. I just wanted to go for a walk in a forest."

"Me too", she said.

John asked her about herself as they continued walking up the hill side by side. She was a student, in Freiburg, and she knew her way around here.

"Do you mind if I walk with you?", John asked.

"No, I don't mind", she said.

As they came to the top of the hill the sky began to darken. Within a minute the rain was falling so heavily that it felt like standing under a powerful shower. John looked around for shelter, then looked at the girl. Her hair was stuck to the sides of her face, and her T-shirt was glued to her breasts, but she was smiling like a maniac.

"I love summer rainstorms!" she said.

"Let's head for the trees", he said, and they both started jogging towards the trees ahead of them.

As soon as they got into the wood they saw the lake ahead of them, shining between the dark tree trunks. The girl kept going along a narrow path towards the lake, and John followed her.

When they got to the lake she took off her shoes and waded in.

"I'm going swimming", she announced, and immediately began to strip off. She had her back to John, so he did not see much of her, but on the other hand he did not not feel he had to discreetly look away, either. She was heavily built, but obviously quite fit - the kind of physique that John found attractive. She was quite similar to Katja, in fact.

When the water reached her neck and she started to swim away from the shore John decided to join her. He took off his clothes and got into the water as quickly as possible but he was only in up to his knees when she turned round and smiled at him. He dived in and swam towards her.

The lake was only about a hundred metres across so they reached the middle in no time. The water felt warm in comparison with the rain that was still coming down heavily making the water fizz around their ears. In the middle they stopped and trod water, facing each other and looking around. The stormy sky was a dark grey circle surrounded by a ring of dark green foliage. Beneath the foliage there was the sinister darkness of tree trunks, then a few glistening rocks, then the grey hissing water on all sides.

Judging by her face, the girl was enjoying this immensely. As she bobbed up and down John caught the occasional glimpse of her nipples, but nothing further down was visible, which was reassuring, as it meant she could not see much of him either, so he did not need to worry about the effect that the warm water and her smiling face were having on him.

Then she drifted a bit closer and he suddenly felt something brush the tip of his erection. Then he felt her fingers exploring its length.

"I thought so!" she said.

"What?"

"From the way you were looking at me".

Then she came even closer so that his erection rubbed erratically against her stomach as they both bobbed up and down treading water. For a moment he thought about Katja and felt a twinge of guilt, but there seemed to be no real connection between Katja and what was happening invisibly under the surface of a small lake in the Black Forest.

Then the girl reclined a bit in the water and John grabbed her hips to keep her near him. Filling his lungs with air to keep afloat he made a few playful thrusts with his hips. The girl kicked her legs a bit to adjust her position and when John thrust again he felt himself enter her. They were both too surprised to maintain the position for long. A second later he had slipped out and they were both spluttering and splashing in the water. However, it was as easy to enter her a second time as it was the first time and once he had got over his surprise John found he could stay inside her while still making gentle thrusts by lightly holding her hips, relaxing his body, and not trying to keep more than just his face above water.

It was an extraordinary sensation. He seemed to slide in and out of her almost effortlessly. Yet with nothing but the water supporting the rest of him there was nothing to distract from the sensation in the one part of him that was enjoying her warm embrace. They were both still moving their limbs slightly to help stay afloat, so every now and then their random relative movement undid their coupling, but reentering her was so easy, so natural, that John felt no anxiety when it happened.

In fact it was the initial penetration, her openness to him, the transition from cool water to warm flesh, that gave him the most intense pleasure, so he lengthened his thrusts till he was pulling right out of her on each retraction, leaving her for a moment empty before pushing himself forwards, up and into her again, feeling her yield to him so easily.

After a dozen such long, slow thrusts he felt himself losing control to his physical excitement. He managed to keep most of his body relaxed so that he could maintain his position in the water, but part of him was becoming longer, harder and hotter. Somewhere in his mind a thought flickered that he should not ejaculate into a woman without at least asking about contraception, but mostly he felt as if he were near the top of a hill, rolling a boulder towards the summit. Just a few short, deep thrusts, now, and he would be over the top, rolling forwards, emptying himself into her.

But then she suddenly broke loose and with a sudden movement of her limbs distanced herself from him.

"I can't come yet, not like that", she said.

John swam towards her, clumsily, feeling as though he had a stick of dynamite between his legs, but she continued to withdraw. Soon he was chasing her, but she was a better swimmer. Every now and then she turned and laughed.

In a few moments his frustration had passed, and he laughed with her, though he still wanted her badly.

The rain had almost stopped now and the water felt colder.

"Let's get out", she said.

Side by side they swam towards the point where they had left their clothes. Now that the rain was no longer beating down on the water the sound of their splashing filled the forest clearing and the ripples from their common wake spread across the lake.

When they reached the shore they both stood up in the shallow water. John no longer felt embarrassed by their nakedness. It felt natural to be standing beside her with his manhood hanging heavily between his legs, and seeing her full breasts and dark pubic hair in the corner of his eye he felt no compulsion either to stare or to turn away.

For a moment he thought they must have come ashore at the wrong place as their clothes were not where he expected them to be.

"It was here, wasn't it?", she said.

"Yes. That's the path we came along."

Suddenly, their nakedness seemed less comfortable. They looked around a bit, but it was clear that someone had been there and taken their clothes and there was no reason to think they would have dumped them nearby. Even if they had, it would not be easy to find them in the dense woodland.

"What shall we do now?" asked John.

"There's a road a few hundred metres down there", she said, pointing vaguely. "It's easier to walk on than the path we used to get here, and perhaps someone will give us a lift."

"Or perhaps they'll call the police."

"That would be good. Then we can report the theft and the police can give us a lift home."

It took a while to reach the road as every bramble and every nettle is a significant obstacle when one is naked. The ground was mostly soft and spongy and slippery with decaying vegetable matter that squelched between their toes, but there were occasional sharp stones or tiny plants with bristles that irritated their insteps.

"They could have at least left our shoes", said John, but the bitterness in his voice was deliberate and ironic. He knew he had the right to be angry about this, but he was in fact enjoying the adventure. It felt liberating to be completely naked like this, in a forest, away from civilisation, together with this woman who accepted him so easily. As he thought again about those moments in the lake he felt his erection rise again till it pointed at the small of her back as she walked ahead of him along the path.

The girl turned her head, glanced down and smiled at him.

When they reached the road they hesitated for a bit in the shelter of the trees. John wondered if tribal hunter-gatherers felt the same kind of nervousness when they first saw a road.

However, they would not get anywhere by just looking at the road from behind some trees, so eventually they jumped across the drainage ditch and started walking downhill on the hard but predictable tarmac.

The first car that overtook them had only the driver in it, who gave a very good impression of not noticing them at all. Ten minutes later a second car approached from behind. They both raised their thumbs again, and the car seemed to slow down slightly, but it carried on past, giving them a wide berth. The car was full anyway; the children in the back stared at them as they glided past. Another ten minutes, and another five hundred metres later they heard something larger and slower approaching and they turned to see a green tractor pulling a large trailer. It stopped.

"What the hell are you doing?" asked the driver, a man of about sixty.

"We were swimming in the lake and someone stole our clothes. Could you give us a lift somewhere?" said John.

"If you don't mind riding in the trailer", said the driver. "Where do you want to go?"

John had no idea, so he turned to the girl, who said:

"The Staunseer student village would be great, but I suppose any police station would do."

"You don't want to go the cops like that", said the driver; "I'll take you home."

He jumped down from the tractor and walked around the far side of it to the rear, where he lowered the back of the trailer for them. "Stay near the front in case I have to stop suddenly", he added as he lifted the back again and shut them in.

The trailer had high walls up to about head height, and the floor looked no dirtier than the forest floor or the road they had been walking on. They went to the front, as instructed, and John looked out over the top.

The trailer jerked from side to side as they went along and John held the edge firmly. The girl could not reach the edge so easily, so she held onto his waist instead.

"Perhaps we should sit down", she said.

"I prefer to look out", he said.

John remained standing, looking forwards over the top of the tractor, and the girl crouched down at his feet.

It is remarkable how a simple thing like physical position can change how one thinks about someone. John had felt a kind of deference towards the girl when she outswam him in the lake and led the way through the wood, but, looking down at her now, he felt dominant. There was something very submissive in the way she was crouching with her head hear his crotch. He raised his head and looked out again over the top, enjoying the feeling of the wind in his hair and fantasising, with a slight feeling of guilt, what it would be like to have a slave girl.

He felt his erection returning as a consequence of his fantasies, and he looked down again to see her looking up at him, smiling playfully. He raised his head again and pretended not to be interested, but his hips moved slightly closer to her face, as if by chance.

Although this was exactly what he was hoping for, it was like an electric shock when her lips really did touch his gradually rising erection. The gentle kiss, delivered to its upper surface, near the tip, as it hung ponderously before her, had an immediate effect. Within seconds it was rising past her face, rubbing her cheek as it pushed towards her ear, and then the tip was dangling over her nose, swaying in front of her forehead, as the swelling caused the skin to be pulled back, revealing the red tip underneath.

John looked down with pleasure at the girl, who seemed to be kneeling beneath his rod, looking up in mock awe. Then, when the trailer stopped swaying for a moment - they must have stopped at some lights - she licked her lips, then slowly and deliberately extended her tongue and licked the underside of his rod from base to tip. John's knees shook involuntarily as the muscles in his thighs tightened.

Fellatio while standing in a moving vehicle is awkward and not without danger. Mostly she just kissed and licked his erection, or let it rub against her face as the trailer shook from side to side, but each time they came to a temporary halt she raised herself a bit higher on her knees and let him slip into her mouth as her tongue flicked and caressed the tip. When this happened, John thrust his hips forwards impatiently, but she just moved her head back by the same amount, and as soon as the vehicle started to move again she wisely withdrew.

They were in the city now and the upper stories of buildings overlooked them on both sides, but neither of them worried about being seen. If someone did look out of a upstairs window and see them they would probably be out of sight before the witness could rub their eyes and blink twice. Besides, John did not know anyone in this city. Except Katja, of course.

After a frustratingly long period with no stops they had finally come to rest for a bit. The girl was holding him in her mouth and John was trying desperately to get himself off with short, frantic thrusts, when they heard a loud clang and realised that the back of the trailer was being unlocked. John quickly crouched down behind the girl as the driver looked in at them.

"Here we are", he said.

Behind him John could see some low concrete buildings and a lot of people walking past.

"You don't have an old newspaper or something in the cab, do you?" he asked.

"It's a tractor, not a lorry. Sorry, I don't."

The girl stood up and walked to the back. John followed right behind, almost touching her. He was only forced to expose himself as they clambered down separately onto the road.

"Thank you very much", he said to the driver, without turning to look at him, and they both ducked across the pavement towards a row of bollards that marked the edge of the student village.

John wondered for a moment whether he should look for an old newspaper in a wastepaper bin to make himself a skirt, but the girl had already set off running, so he ran after her. The next couple of minutes were a blur of faces turning to stare as they raced past. Finally he followed her into the foyer of what looked like a small block of flats. The lift was waiting for them so they jumped in and the girl pressed the highest numbered button, "10".

"Do you live here alone?" he asked.

"With my boyfriend", she said, then added: "Just joking. It's student accommodation, so the kitchen and showers are shared, but I have my own room."

There was a brief, awkward pause as they waited for the lift to respond, then a second of expectancy as the door glided shut. When the lift started moving with a jerk, they both gave small sighs of relief, then laughed at each other and moved closer.

As they hugged, John felt his loins, still heavy from the earlier stimulation, stiffen again. With a serious of tiny but very noticeable taps the tip of his erection slid up her thigh towards her waist. By floor seven he was probing her belly. She seemed to be pulling him towards her and John wondered whether he should kiss her, but the thought of kissing her reminded him of Katja and made him hesitate.

The lift jerked to a halt and the door opened very suddenly onto a poorly lit corridor with concrete walls.

"This way!", whispered the girl, pulling at his hand, and they scampered along the corridor, passing several identical doors with posters on them before stopping in front of an one that was marked only by the number 6 stencilled with white paint.

"Wait here!", she said before dashing further along the corridor, then disappearing round a corner.

He heard several voices, among them a female one that said "What happened?", to which the girl reply "I'll tell you later", then a moment later she reappeared holding a key.

"Did you borrow a key?", he asked.

"No, this is my key", she replied. "I always hide it in the kitchen when I go out. So I don't lose it."

She fiddled with the door. It flew open, they both rushed in, and she closed it behind them.

John glanced around, taking in a tiny student room that was almost filled by its furniture: a bed, a desk and a wardrobe.

"Perhaps you should hide your clothes in the kitchen instead of taking them with you - so you don't lose them", John said.

The girl smiled slightly.

"Do you like running around naked?", she asked, smiling mischievously.

"It was fun in a way."

She slowly lowered her gaze, then gently took hold of his tumescence and massaged it slightly.

"You like showing off, do you?"

John was too distracted by the sensation of her hand sliding gently up and down to think of an appropriate reply.

"Let's have a shower!", she said, letting go of John and grabbing a large towel from a hook next to the door.

She wrapped the towel round herself, opened the door and stepped out. John glanced at the hooks, but there did not seem to be a second towel.

"Come on!", said the girl, and before John could say anything she grabbed his erection and tugged him gently towards her. Then she walked back down the corridor holding her towel in place with one hand while with the other hand she lead him by his appendage.

A couple emerged from a similar door at the opposite end of the corridor and walked towards them, staring bemusedly, but before they had to pass each other in the corridor the girl took a rapid, and for John slightly painful, right turn through another door, hitting a light switch as she did.

The bathroom was well designed to withstand communal use. It was a long, narrow room. At the far end a shower nozzle protruded from the wall over a basin mounted in a raised platform. The room was tiled throughout and there was no shower curtain. The girl hung the towel on a hook opposite a small sink, walked to the shower and turned on the water, leaping back to avoid the initial spurt of cold water.

When the temperature had risen sufficiently she stepped into the cascading water and turned the tap further, releasing an abundant flow of hot water that bounced off the walls and her body filling the room with steam and flying droplets.

At first John stood on the edge of the basin, watching as the girl drenched herself in hot water and feeling the warm spray on his chest, but a moment later she tugged his hands, inviting him to join her in the centre of the torrent. They hugged, and, as the water streamed down their faces over their closed eyes, their lips met for the first time.

For a minute they kissed and embraced, their bodies almost motionless apart from their arms and hands, with which they caressed each other's bodies. After that they took in turns to wash themselves as the other stood back slightly and watched.

John washed himself quickly and efficiently, slightly embarrassed by the the girl's attentive stare. However, when the girl washed herself she did it with a show of sensuality, as if she enjoyed being watched. John liked watching her lather her body, but he was more excited by the glances she kept throwing at him as she did so. To give her the best view of what he considered to be his finest feature he stood right on the edge of the basin, thus raising himself higher than her, and pushed his hips forwards.

When the girl dropped the soap and stooped to pick it up, she remained crouching for a moment, and before standing up again she took John's pride and glory in her mouth and lowered her head onto it, swallowing most of its length and holding it for a second before raising her head and standing up again to continue washing. She did that each time she dropped the soap, and each time John waited tensely for her to do it again, his pulse racing.

When she finally finished washing and turned off the water, John felt stiff and slightly dizzy.

She dried herself thoroughly, then handed the towel to John, who was too excited to do more than rub himself down very quickly. When she tried to take the towel back, John held onto it and pulled it down behind him, dragging her down with it. She smiled indulgently, knelt down and treated him again, this time raising and lowering her head several times before standing up again.

The she took the towel from him, wrapped herself in it, opened the door, and strolled back to her room. John followed her eagerly, not caring now who they might meet in the corridor.

Back in her room, she sat on the bed opposite a large mirror on the wall and brushed her hair, as if she were alone. The only acknowledgement she made of John's presence was when she took a bottle of mineral water from the floor next to the bed and handed it to him after drinking from it herself.

Finally she put the hairbrush aside, lay back on the bed and gestured to John to join her.

"I've got a visitor coming later so we mustn't take too long."

John lay down next to her and after just a few seconds of kissing her lips he was already trying to mount her. However, she coyly resisted his first attempts to penetrate her, pressing her thighs together and giggling as he rammed her abdomen instead. Desperate for her to open the entrance for him, John kissed her passionately, first her lips, and then her neck and breasts, while he stroked her thighs with one hand, wishing them to part for him.

Eventually she relaxed slightly and John was able to push his way between her thighs, then up between them, pushing hard, till he felt himself penetrate a softer and moister place. Finally she relaxed altogether and John slid himself all the way into her. Having struggled for this so long, he at first just held himself there, plunged into her as far as he could go, enjoying the feeling of penetrating her completely. Then he pulled back a bit and started thrusting rhythmically.

John looked down, wanting to enjoy his conquest visually as well as tactually, but he could not see the point of penetration without bending his back uncomfortably, so he gave up on that and straightened his back so he could concentrate on thrusting hard while watching her face.

Her eyes were half closed and her face, tilted back, gave the impression of intense but slightly nervous pleasure.

Suddenly, she opened her eyes, looked into John's eyes and grabbed with one hand the base of his shaft. John continued to thrust but was now prevented from penetrating her deeply.

"Let's move down a bit", she said.

Half sitting up, she shuffled down the bed and John moved with her taking care not to become uncoupled.

"Kneel on the floor", she ordered, as she reached the foot of the bed, placing her feet on the floor. John did as he was told, and as she took her hand away, letting him plunge deeply again, she raised her feet towards her buttocks and spread her knees so far apart that they touched the bed cover on either side, thus opening herself up completely.

Bending slightly forwards over her and grasping her waist between his hands, John now enjoyed a full view of her, from her face, turned to the side, eyes half closed as she nibbled the finger tips of one hand, across her breasts, pink and flushed, and her tanned abdomen, to the point where his body entered hers. Eager to imprint this image on his mind, he watched intently as he started treating her with long, hard thrusts, imagining what this must feel like for her and looking forward to the moment when she would bite her fingers harder, and perhaps cry out, as he made her come, and then he would let himself come too and fill her with his seed and she writhed in ecstasy.

Suddenly he became aware of his own physical excitement: a tingling and twitching, a heightened sensitivity to the friction between them as he slid in and out of her. He knew he must not let himself come now, so soon, so he pushed himself hard and deep into her and held himself there, firm and motionless. But that part of him seemed to work by itself. There was a slight, at first almost imperceptible throb that seemed to continue the rhythm of his thrusts, and each pulse caused a slight movement, deep within her, and the sensation of that movement, intensified by his current sensitivity, contributed to the strength of the following pulse so that each pulse was slightly stronger than the previous one.

He tried to think about something else, to distract himself, but the first thought that came to mind was how Katja had once suggested that in such circumstances he should think about filling in a tax return. The thought of Katja invoked a mob of emotions and memories of the times and places he had done this with her, and that only excited him further. In particular, he had a mental image of her on her knees, making him promise to be faithful before she would continue stimulating him with her mouth, and the delicious sensation that followed, when he had given his promise.

A sudden knock on the door made the girl to open her eyes and turn her head towards it, but John remained motionless, struggling with his turbulent thoughts. Then the door opened and, without turning his head, John saw out of the corner of his eye how someone had stepped into the room.

"Stop now!", said the girl in an urgent whisper, pushing on John's abdomen with both hands.

As gently as he could, John withdrew himself, aware that in his current state the lightest touch might push him over the edge. The smooth glide as he slid out of her was bearable, but as his tip passed the lips of her aperture they seemed to squeeze and pluck at him, and as his liberated baton sprang upwards he lost control. He gasped involuntarily and thrust his hips forwards, ramming the air, as his seed spurted forth in a high parabola.

For a moment he was oblivious of his surroundings. Then he saw the girl's face, staring at him, her mouth half open in surprise. There was a drop of liquid on her forehead, another, larger one on her cheek, then a trail of them across her chest leading down to her abdomen, where the trail turned into a unbroken streak, then a small pool still connected to him by a treacly thread.

Then he turned his head to look at the intruder and saw what was clearly an apparition, a manifestation of his sense of guilt, for he saw Katja standing there, looking back at him.

He closed his eyes, then opened them again, but the apparition did not disappear. Indeed, it became still more concrete. She was wearing the same clothes as when he had last seen her, and carrying the same rucksack, from which protruded a corner of the A4 pad they had used when hitchhiking.

Having looked briefly at his crotch, Katja paid no more attention to it and instead switched her attention back and forth between their faces, as if uncertain who to address first. Eventually she spoke to the girl. Even before she spoke John knew what had happened: the similarity of their faces, the number on her door, the visit she had been expecting, ...

"Lena, what are you doing with my boyfriend?", she said.

"This is your boyfriend? I didn't know!"

The two sisters had soon explained the situation to one another, while John stood awkwardly to one side. After that, neither of them looked him in the eye. They found some old clothes for him, and Katja ceremoniously split the A4 pad along the spine and handed him half of it, "so you can get a lift to somewhere else".

It was several hours before John could laugh at what had happened. He was at a petrol station half between Karlsruhe and Stuttgart, and it was, of course, a bitter laugh. He'd lost his clothes, his money and his girlfriend of six months. It was dark, and it was raining. The only good thing he could say about his situation was that for the first time in several days he did not feel in the least bit sexually frustrated.

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Display: Sort:
Black Forest Cherry Pie | 34 comments (25 topical, 9 editorial, 0 hidden)
why is it that (3.00 / 3) (#1)
by GrubbyBeardedHermit on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 07:57:02 AM EST

in cheap fiction the female names always end with 'a'

GBH

Just a convention to help the reader (none / 0) (#2)
by bottlefucker on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 08:18:13 AM EST

Exotic, foreign names to stimulate the imagination and make the implausible slightly less so, but the reader still likes to tell the sex from the name.

So we try to avoid Italians called Nicola, etc.

I did consider naming one of the characters Ute, but I decided against it.


[ Parent ]

Ute would have been good (none / 1) (#3)
by GrubbyBeardedHermit on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 09:29:07 AM EST

If they were a pair of fatties.

GBH
[ Parent ]

Well done. +FP from me. (none / 0) (#4)
by chalchiuhtlicue2 on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 10:49:43 AM EST



Wow. (3.00 / 2) (#5)
by The Amazing Idiot on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 06:22:09 PM EST

I actually read this fiction.

Well done. +1 when it comes out.

Errr ummm.. (none / 1) (#6)
by The Amazing Idiot on Mon Feb 19, 2007 at 06:23:04 PM EST

...When it is submitted for a vote.

Freudian slip.

[ Parent ]

YIKES! Excellent /nt (none / 1) (#7)
by mybostinks on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 12:34:15 AM EST



You haven't had sex in water before? (3.00 / 2) (#8)
by livus on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 01:30:31 AM EST

Alas, effortless entry and smooth thrusting isn't usually a feature; quite the reverse, given the way water works against natural lubrication. Ouch.

I suppose the woman might have done that thing of applying lube to herself prior to the event (which I hear is an increasingly popular practice of USian women before a date), but even then it would have had to be an oil-based lube...

I like the story though.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

totally agree (1.00 / 3) (#13)
by hi ror on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 12:02:07 PM EST

you need some sort of petrochemical-based lube to do this.  it wouldn't fkn happen as described.

[ Parent ]
my other thought (none / 1) (#18)
by livus on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 05:23:54 PM EST

was that you could have this kind of sex in a lake of cooking oil.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
I have had sex in water (3.00 / 3) (#14)
by bottlefucker on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 12:33:29 PM EST

but it was some time ago so I might be remembering it as better than it really was at the time. I don't think she used any kind of artificial lubrication. I know her address, so I could write to her and ask, but it might be a bit embarrassing, seeing as she's now married and so on.

[ Parent ]
yes, probably a memory issue (none / 1) (#19)
by livus on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 05:37:26 PM EST

or else the black forest is more polluted than I'd thought.

Probably easier to try it again sometime with someone else than to hope she is going to remember these details.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]

-1 because you (none / 0) (#12)
by daveybaby on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 11:55:13 AM EST

never told us what happened with the jizz in the milk bottle.

Excellent. (3.00 / 2) (#22)
by eavier on Tue Feb 20, 2007 at 09:40:10 PM EST

Porn always gets a +1FP from me.

Whatever you do, don't take it into your house. It's probably full of Greeks. - Vampire Zombie Abu Musab al Zarqawi

Ufology Doktor in da house

+1S (none / 0) (#24)
by rpresser on Wed Feb 21, 2007 at 12:54:27 PM EST

Would have given FP if he had ended up frustrated anyway .. have Katja arrive during the shower and be waiting when they return to the room :-)
------------
"In terms of both hyperbolic overreaching and eventual wrongness, the Permanent [Republican] Majority has set a new, and truly difficult to beat, standard." --rusty
Very good (none / 0) (#27)
by playbaby on Wed Feb 21, 2007 at 10:02:01 PM EST

Way to go

Pornography. (none / 1) (#28)
by syncrotic on Fri Feb 23, 2007 at 12:41:36 PM EST

This is simple erotic fiction, nothing more. It's decently written to the standards of its genre, but is k5 the right outlet for it?

Yes. Duh! This is K5 n/t (none / 0) (#30)
by kromagg on Wed Feb 28, 2007 at 06:21:06 PM EST



[ Parent ]
To summarize (3.00 / 3) (#29)
by Trevasel on Fri Feb 23, 2007 at 01:20:02 PM EST

Give your man head and he won't fuck your sister.
-- That which does not kill you only makes you stranger - Trevor Goodchild
I got a BONER. (3.00 / 2) (#31)
by bighappyface on Thu Mar 15, 2007 at 06:14:04 PM EST

Did you get a BONER?

In Fact (3.00 / 2) (#32)
by allenp on Sun Mar 18, 2007 at 01:52:24 PM EST

I did

[ Parent ]
K5 PUBLISHED MY LETTER!!!!!! (none / 0) (#33)
by localroger on Sat Mar 24, 2007 at 04:17:08 PM EST

Just flashing back to that Mermaid movie, only there it was Penthouse, which is a little more impressive. Because they like actually pay you and stuff.

I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
Black Forest Cherry Cake is my fav (none / 0) (#34)
by CheezyDee on Sat Mar 31, 2007 at 09:50:21 PM EST

yummy

MMM PIE MMM PIE (none / 0) (#35)
by noogee on Tue Apr 03, 2007 at 07:14:41 AM EST

MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE MMM PIE

--
still here

I liked it. (none / 0) (#36)
by bennett on Sat Apr 07, 2007 at 10:47:33 AM EST



Black Forest Cherry Pie | 34 comments (25 topical, 9 editorial, 0 hidden)
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