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[P]
My Unsettling Ubuntu Experience

By Trollaxor in Fiction
Tue Aug 04, 2009 at 06:22:20 AM EST
Tags: Linux, Trollaxor, Ubuntu (all tags)

I'd been using Ubuntu 9.04's LiveCD feature at work to migrate Windows profiles. Unlike Windows, which never properly migrates user directories no matter how you coax it, Ubuntu's simple drag-and-drop replacement from network backup makes user migration a piece of cake.

I simply booted, configured the network settings, logged into our network backup, and copied the old user directory over top of the new one (we're on a domain). When the user logged back in, their old stuff was all in place. It had really been a lifesaver, and I'd started reading up on it more and started to set up an Ubuntu workstation. But that's when I ran into some weird problems.

[Note: This story appears in canonical form, with proper formatting, at http://www.trollaxor.com/2009/08/my-unsettling-ubuntu-experience.html.]


After installing and tinkering around on the GNOME desktop, I opened Terminal. After writing some scripts and creating user accounts, a new terminal window opened. I thought this very odd since I hadn't initiated a new session and none of my scripts would have either. As I was about to close it, I paused my mouse. The terminal session had printed something to the screen, seemingly by itself.

trollaxor@ubuntor:~$
*** DO U LIKE GUYS Y OR N ▌

I typed N and the window disappeared. "How weird," I thought, and figured one of my buddies had installed some third party software or something to covertly mess with me. I couldn't remember when I'd told anyone about this install, but I was content to leave it at that since everything was otherwise fine.

A half hour later, I was farting around in GNOME when it happened again. This time, there was no terminal session even open to begin with; the window just popped up out of nowhere. And again it asked the same question, ominously blinking at me.

trollaxor@ubuntor:~$
*** DO U LIKE GUYS Y OR N ▌

Before I did anything else I opened another terminal session and ran top so I could figure out what the fuck was running in the background that was randomly harassing me. I peered through it, sorted by CPU, memory usage, command name--but nothing. I'm pretty familiar with Linux and I didn't see anything that looked out of the ordinary. At this point I switched back to the frustrating terminal session and typed N and the window closed... Only to open right back up and ask again:

trollaxor@ubuntor:~$
*** DO U LIKE GUYS Y OR N ▌

Now irritated, I texted several of my buddies the same question, figuring they'd own up when it became obvious to them their little joke had succeeded. Two asked me "wtf" and another said "no y do u? fag!" No admissions came, implicit or otherwise, and I began running ps with its myriad options in hopes of spotting the offending process. A second terminal window popped up on top of the first with the same damn question blinking at me.

trollaxor@ubuntor:~$
*** DO U LIKE GUYS Y OR N ▌

Finally in desperation I typed Y and hit return in both of the windows. At first, they went away and I sat silently in anticipation. When nothing happened after ten seconds, I returned to editing my GNOME config files when the desktop wallpaper changed all by itself. Instead of the boring orange default, I was staring at something much different. This was no longer mildly irritating or perplexing--now I was freaking out and wanted answers. I logged onto Freenode and joined #ubuntu.

#ubuntu Official Ubuntu Support Channel
<trollaxor> hi. i was wondering if anyone ever noticed any versions of ubuntu throwing up terminal sessions with text inside.

Minutes passed as conversations about screen resolution problems on netbooks, laptop fans running non-stop, and permissions errors on an external USB drives ran back and forth--typical IRC chatter-- but someone eventually responded to my question.

<mechabuntu> trollaxor, it's possible but unlikely. that's really weird.
<waitn4koala> troll, what are the sessions saying?
<trollaxor> "DO YOU LIKE GUYS Y OR N"
<mechabuntu> You must have installed some 3rd party applications.
<rasputin_> trollaxor, well what did you answer? Y or N?
mechabuntu: has anyone else had access to that system, trollaxor?
<trollaxor> mechabuntu, no. just me since i set it up a few hours ago.
<waitn4koala> troll, did you give anyone remote login access?
<trollaxor> rasputin, I answered "N" at first and the sessions disappeared
<rasputin_> hmm, that's too bad!
<trollaxor> but when I answered "Y" it changd my wallpaper
<waitn4koala> troll, wtf. what did it change it to?
<trollaxor> here, i'll just link you to it... http://tinyurl.com/kucg8v
<puck_you> Ha! Did troll install GNU/Linux or GAY/Linux?
<mechabuntu> troll, that is fucked. are you sure someone's not messing with you??
<rasputin_> trollaxor, it's so intuitive, it knew JUST the right wallpaper for you!
<trollaxor> mechabuntu: no, this is really happening. i'm actually getting scared...
<trollaxor> rasputin, uh, no, this is not supposed to happen on any unix install ever
<rasputin_> you've never heard of gaybuntu, have you, trollaxor?
<mechabuntu> oh no, not this shit again
<trollaxor> uh no what the hell is that
<waitn4koala> is marked as being away: Away.
rasputin_ has invited you to join #gaybuntu
<waitn4koala> !op

Obviously something was going on in #ubuntu but I didn't stick around long enough to find out what it was. I logged out, deleted the Freenode connection and log files, and opened http://www.freebsd.org/ in Firefox.

FreeBSD 7.2R had been out since May and I'd gladly put up with migrating pains over Gaybuntu any day. I could play with it on my server and check out FreeBSD LiveCD for work. The sooner I wiped this machine the better. And lo and behold, just as I started copying the ISO to my flash drive, Ubuntu's image viewer started opening pictures of young nude boyish men engaging in carnal acts so lurid I won't describe them here.

By the time I had burned a copy of the FreeBSD 7.2R install disc, the Ubuntu machine was spitting the CD drive out at me while playing a chorus of moaning sexual intercourse sounds from the speakers. It was like my machine was possessed by a gay Linux ghost!

I was really messed up by this and didn't sleep well the next couple of nights. In fact, I kind of stayed away from computers altogether and my boss got on my case for slacking. I wanted to tell him the truth about what had happened, but I thought better of it and suffered in silence. Every time I approached a Linux machine I held my breath in fear. I made peace with manual Windows profile migration and ditched all of our Ubuntu discs.

A couple days later, in my final act of destroying Gaybuntu, I microwaved the CD-R I'd burned. After several seconds of blue electrical crackling and a small puff of smoke, the disc was burned beyond use. I shredded it and double-bagged the shards before throwing it in my neighbor's trash.

I suggest taking a long, hard look at your Ubuntu installs for any strange behavior--my unsettling Ubuntu experience still rattles my psyche to this day. Don't let gay Linux happen to you.

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Display: Sort:
My Unsettling Ubuntu Experience | 49 comments (29 topical, 20 editorial, 0 hidden)
that's pretty messed up, man (2.66 / 12) (#1)
by lostincali on Sat Aug 01, 2009 at 04:36:55 PM EST

not like what i went through with my new mac, though. when i pried the cover of my mac mini to upgrade the hardware, a little robot with this diabolical device that looked like a cross between an ice cream scoop and hedge clippers shot across the room and started scuttling directly for my crotch. luckily i had my tools nearby and managed to smash it to pieces with a hammer (you wouldn't believe what it takes to get a goddamn mac mini open). anyway, long story short, it was a close call for my testicles.

"The least busy day [at McDonalds] is Monday, and then sales increase throughout the week, I guess as enthusiasm for life dwindles."

smoke less drugs (2.40 / 5) (#2)
by Trollaxor on Sat Aug 01, 2009 at 04:37:37 PM EST

also, keep sharp things away from your scrotum.

[ Parent ]
SNL (2.40 / 5) (#3)
by ensignyu on Sat Aug 01, 2009 at 06:50:52 PM EST

http://www.hulu.com/watch/2352/saturday-night-live-my-testicles

[ Parent ]
Very funny ~ (2.12 / 8) (#4)
by tweet on Sat Aug 01, 2009 at 07:12:36 PM EST


_______________________________________________
Not everything in black and white makes sense.

Shut the fuck up, faglips $ (1.33 / 3) (#37)
by schlouse on Mon Aug 03, 2009 at 11:04:19 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Next time check the MD5 Hash (2.33 / 12) (#7)
by Armstrong Hammer on Sat Aug 01, 2009 at 10:21:48 PM EST

How to check the Ubuntu ISO MD5 Hash and others reported the same behavior before so I am guessing you really got pwned and this isn't a Troll or Apple Fanboy trashing Linux and Ubuntu.

You need to make sure that your VNC server, SSH access, Terminal shell access, etc are shut off by SELinux or some other firewall so that IP addresses outside of your Ubuntu machine can't get access to your system. I have heard of people getting hacked because they left those services open through their Firewall and either used an insecure password or no password at all for those services. Most likely it was a VNC connection and you didn't change the default VNC password and someone got remote access to your Ubuntu box to make the Gay/Linux or GayBuntu hack. If you never even heard of VNC before, next time try a custom install that does not install a VNC server unless you really need it, and that you set up SELinux or whatever Firewall you use to shut off ports of any of these listed services but most importantly Telnet 23, SSH 22, VNC 5800 and 5801, FTP 20 and 21, and any other port that someone can use to log into your system upload files and malware, and control your system. You really shouldn't have any incoming ports set on unless you run a web server and then you need port 80 open, but even then someone can access your machine through it.

When I ran an Ubuntu web server I would notice people trying to log in via SSH port 22, using a dictionary of names and trying to do a random dictionary attack on my system using a list of first names and common words. I traced the IP address back to Asia, but they could have been using a proxy server like Tor or something. The same thing happened with Fedora. I switched off the SSH port 22 because I decided not to log in remotely to the server anymore. Then one day on a Halloween someone brute forced through the web server port 80 and the PHPBB2 software I used, and since the "Web" account could only access web files and didn't have root access, they tried their best to trash the system and hard drive. They replaced some web files with their own files via the port 80, and then ran an exploit via the Apache 1.X web server (I was using 1.X because I tried to get a Scoop web site set up and at the time it didn't work with 2.X) and because it was older they exploited the system and ruined the hard drive somehow. Then again maybe they used the Scoop code to break in instead of the PHPBB2 code? I was trying to run all sorts of web applications and even develop my own web applications as well. Then again the hard drive was five years old and maybe corrupted due to the stress of them trying to brute force the Root account to get in?

Learn about the true liberal agenda in the United States of America.

Wow gee thanks. (3.00 / 8) (#12)
by Trollaxor on Sun Aug 02, 2009 at 09:43:27 AM EST



[ Parent ]
Yeah funny thing is (2.25 / 4) (#19)
by Armstrong Hammer on Sun Aug 02, 2009 at 07:01:07 PM EST

since something is open sourced software, anyone can easily create a version of it with malware installed and slip it onto any web site or Bit Torrent network. You'd never know if it was the original from the organization that made it or a modified version with the Gaybuntu mods without first checking the MD5 hash checksum numbers. If the numbers don't match, shitcan it, and find the real one.
Learn about the true liberal agenda in the United States of America.

[ Parent ]
I can't imagine a topical comment can do any harm. (2.88 / 9) (#16)
by Vampire Zombie Abu Musab al Zarqawi on Sun Aug 02, 2009 at 04:32:30 PM EST



Oh Boy! (2.88 / 9) (#18)
by DK4 Bloo on Sun Aug 02, 2009 at 05:45:54 PM EST



Gee willlickhers! (3.00 / 6) (#20)
by Ruston Rustov on Sun Aug 02, 2009 at 08:55:10 PM EST


I had had incurable open sores all over my feet for sixteen years. The doctors were powerless to do anything about it. I told my psychiatrist that they were psychosomatic Stigmata - the Stigmata are the wounds Jesus suffered when he was nailed to the cross. Three days later all my sores were gone. -- Michael Crawford
Maybe tomorrow. -- Michael Crawford
As soon as she has her first period, fuck your daughter. -- localroger

[ Parent ]
best article in awhile (2.75 / 4) (#21)
by totmacher on Sun Aug 02, 2009 at 09:34:29 PM EST



-- I'll sum it up for yo: You = Douche bag ~ Butthurtapotamus
lol u said u like guys (2.90 / 10) (#28)
by BottleRocket on Mon Aug 03, 2009 at 01:57:42 PM EST


$ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
. ₩ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . *
$ . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $
Yes I do download [child pornography], but I don't keep it any longer than I need to, so it can yield insight as to how to find more. --MDC
$ . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $
. . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . *
. ₩ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
$ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
$B R Σ III$

You must have missed the part where I said (3.00 / 7) (#29)
by Trollaxor on Mon Aug 03, 2009 at 02:28:36 PM EST

"IN DESPERATION."

[ Parent ]
lol (3.00 / 8) (#30)
by BottleRocket on Mon Aug 03, 2009 at 03:19:57 PM EST


$ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
. ₩ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . *
$ . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $
Yes I do download [child pornography], but I don't keep it any longer than I need to, so it can yield insight as to how to find more. --MDC
$ . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $
. . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . *
. ₩ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
$ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
$B R Σ III$

[ Parent ]

After years of repression and denial... (3.00 / 5) (#31)
by Pentashagon on Mon Aug 03, 2009 at 03:22:18 PM EST

You just couldn't hold those true feelings back any longer and out of desperation admitted it to yourself.

Seriously, who else would answer some random question that popped up on a computer instead of just rebooting from clean media or something?

[ Parent ]

The install was less than a couple hours old. (3.00 / 3) (#33)
by Trollaxor on Mon Aug 03, 2009 at 03:41:20 PM EST

I wanted to continue working without interruption, you see, and was typing anything I thought would stop these strange things. Little did I know it was supposed to do that.

[ Parent ]
Yeah I believe you (none / 1) (#41)
by Armstrong Hammer on Tue Aug 04, 2009 at 01:52:20 PM EST

but my opinion does not count because I am batshit insane crazy.

I don't think you are gay, you just did what you said you did.

Learn about the true liberal agenda in the United States of America.

[ Parent ]
+1FP (2.83 / 6) (#32)
by GhostOfTiber on Mon Aug 03, 2009 at 03:23:04 PM EST

We need more topical, technical discussion like this around here.

[Nimey's] wife's ass is my cocksheath. - undermyne

LULZ $ (2.00 / 2) (#38)
by stuaart on Tue Aug 04, 2009 at 08:31:58 AM EST


Linkwhore: [Hidden stories.] Baldrtainment: Corporate concubines and Baldrson: An Introspective


Fiction. (2.50 / 2) (#39)
by Ward57 on Tue Aug 04, 2009 at 08:32:13 AM EST

You guys did notice this was posted in the fiction section, didn't you?

Realized too late to resection to Technology. (none / 0) (#40)
by Trollaxor on Tue Aug 04, 2009 at 08:48:07 AM EST



[ Parent ]
That is OK (1.50 / 2) (#42)
by Armstrong Hammer on Tue Aug 04, 2009 at 01:54:06 PM EST

I am sure Rusty or an Administrator or Editor can fix it for you.

You can email them the URL at:

help@kuro5hin.org

and ask them nicely to change it to technology.

We know you didn't mean to post it as fiction, as I found someone else on the web that had the same problem.

Learn about the true liberal agenda in the United States of America.

[ Parent ]
Link? (none / 0) (#43)
by Trollaxor on Tue Aug 04, 2009 at 02:19:11 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Right here (none / 1) (#45)
by Armstrong Hammer on Tue Aug 04, 2009 at 03:46:26 PM EST

Someone gets gay porno pictures on his Ubuntu system apparently someone haxored him. But it is basically the same thing.

I posted that link before, perhaps you forgot that I did?

Learn about the true liberal agenda in the United States of America.

[ Parent ]
/me misses Trollaxor (2.33 / 3) (#44)
by Pr0n K1ng on Tue Aug 04, 2009 at 03:36:46 PM EST

Get it in you!

although this is obviously a troll article (2.75 / 4) (#46)
by the77x42 on Thu Aug 06, 2009 at 04:15:26 PM EST

my uncle did purchase a new iPod once with porno on it


"We're not here to educate. We're here to point and laugh." - creature
"You have some pretty stupid ideas." - indubitable ‮

Same thing happened to me. (2.50 / 2) (#47)
by jbs36 on Sun Aug 16, 2009 at 09:58:31 PM EST

Thank you, Trollaxor.

No, thank you. (none / 1) (#48)
by Trollaxor on Sat Aug 22, 2009 at 01:16:57 PM EST

We must all share our gay Linux experiences.

[ Parent ]
My Unsettling Ubuntu Experience | 49 comments (29 topical, 20 editorial, 0 hidden)
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