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[P]
Portrait of a Blogger

By kpaul in Internet
Tue Oct 29, 2002 at 05:57:45 AM EST
Tags: Humour (all tags)
Humour

As blogs (love them or hate them) continue to grow in numbers on the 'net, I thought it might be useful to have an easy guide to study the habits and mannerisms of the wide range of bloggers that exist in the blogosphere. So, without any further ado, I give you a quick guide to the types of bloggers one might encounter in the vast internet universe.


Teenie Blogger (Teenoger)

Percentage of blogger population: 22%
Hours spent blogging: 28/week
Habitat: Suburbia
Average Age: 12 (actual age doesn't matter as most of these bloggers tend to emulate a 12 year old.)
Favorite hangout: The mall
Last Book Read: What's a book?
Favorite Offline Activities: Gossip, boy bands, gossip about boy bands, boy bands about gossip.
Mode of Dress: Varies wildly, but you will notice it will have some brand name of some company predominantly displayed.
Psychological profile: ESFP
Typical post: 10/24/02 5:43 p.m. So, like today I was in the cafeteria talking about Shelly's stupid blog, ok, and then Josie like totally walked up in my face and said my blog was trash and I was like, noo way, talk to the blog, ya know, cause i'm cool and I don't play that. So anyway, I need to go eat dinner now. I'll blog on it later.

Techie Blogger (Togger)

Percentage of blogger population: 20%
Hours spent blogging: 56/week
Habitat: Usually a messy desk type area with lots of caffeine nearby. Techie Bloggers have been known to be nomads, though, with the advent of wireless internet technology. You may see them anywhere as a result, although most tend towards urban areas.
Average Age: 20 something
Favorite hangout: Slashdot
Last Book Read: Understanding the LINUX Kernel: From I/O Ports to Process Management
Favorite Offline Activities: Microsoft jokes, computer swap meets, hacker conventions.
Mode of Dress: Varies wildly, but you will usually notice at least one obscure reference to linux ruling and microsoft sucking.
Psychological profile: INTP
Typical post: select extract('epoch' from now()) as unixtime; Recompiled the kernel from CVS today. Blech. While waiting for it to compile, I worked some on my project to turn GIMP into an auto-dynamic IP range modifier for my Sega Dreamcast box. The boxen are doing ok, but the 486 piece of crap is pulling too much juice and overheating so I'm thinking of rerouting the fan and mounting it inside my refrigerator. Yeah, yeah, I saw the /. article, but mine is going to be way cooler. More later, my Mac is beeping...

Trailer Blogger (Trogger)

Percentage of blogger population: .5%
Hours spent blogging: 25 minutes per week
Habitat: Trailer park. Sometimes a double-wide, sometimes just a pre-fab. Somehow a few AOL disks found their way into the 'park' and some people ended up signing up for the 1,000 free hours and managed to accidentally put a blog together. (come on, it's not that hard. Side note: What would happen if AOL gave everyone a free (so easy to use!) blog with their AOL discs?)
Average Age: 18
Favorite hangout: McDonalds
Last Book Read: The Complete Idiot's Guide to Beer
Favorite Offline Activities: Barbecues, drinking Pabst, harrassing the neighbors.
Mode of Dress: T-shirt and jeans with frayed ends.
Psychological profile: ESFJ
Typical post: Friday, October 2002 - Had to put the Chrysler up on blocks today. Thing is, I had to use the blocks from the Toyota because I was outta blocks and Tim across the way had no blocks either. I don't think they have a store that sells blocks, so I just took the blocks from uner the other car and now i have to find some blocks for that car. Not running, though, so I guess it's ok there with no wheels for now. I might be back next week to post .. hold on, sounds like Bob's at the door with some beer...

Blog Blogger (HasTooMuchTimer)

Percentage of blogger population: 12%
Hours spent blogging: 56/week
Habitat: Anywhere. This type of blogger is traditionally a nomad as well, always having a way to update their blog and get the latest bloggerific news on their cell, pda or pager.
Average Age: 22
Favorite hangout: Internet cafes so they can blog in real-time while interacting with other bloggers re: blogging.
Last Book Read: Essential Blogging
Favorite Offline Activities: Meeting other bloggers in real life to talk about blogs.
Mode of Dress: They change themes several times a day.
Psychological profile: ENTJ
Typical post:4:30:59 p.m. - Update to post below, bloggerific's blog is splitting into two separate blogs! Bloggerific indeed!!! Stay tuned for more...

4:30:45 p.m. - Nothing new yet, but I thought I'd blog it in case someone wandered by and wondered if I'd forgotten to blog the update or if there was any new news, which there isn't, but that's ok.

4:30:29 p.m. - No updates yet. waiting...

4:30:23 p.m. - Ok, here's the update to my previous update: bloggerific's blog has been moved from blogger.com to blogfodder.com, but he may be moving it back soon. I'll keep you updated.

War Blogger (Woggler)

Percentage of blogger population: 18%
Hours spent blogging: 40/week
Habitat: The warroom, of course.
Average Age: 46
Favorite hangout: The shooting range. NRA meetings. The woods.
Last Book Read: Fascism and Resistance in Portugal: Communists, Liberals and Military Dissidents in the Opposition to Salazar, 1941-1974
Favorite Offline Activities: Survival training for the coming apocalypse.
Mode of Dress: camouflage anything.
Psychological profile: ESTP
Typical post: 4:30:23 p.m. - Stupid right wing commie nuts like X and Y really upset me. This country was founded on the principle of guns and happiness or something, wasn't it? What's all this peace crap? We're the best. Love it or leave it. Semper Fi, my boy, never surrender!

Hippy Blogger (Bippy)

Percentage of blogger population: 2%
Hours spent blogging: 3/week
Habitat: Cute little bungalows in low rent districts across the U.S. with picket fences and groovy colored houses.
Average Age: 42
Favorite hangout: Wherever they are, they are.
Last Book Read: Leaves of Grass
Favorite Offline Activities: World peace, grooving, hanging, smoking the peace pipe.
Mode of Dress: Hemp anything (including under garments depending on how hardcore of a hippy they are.)
Psychological profile: INFP
Typical post: 4/20/02 at 4:20 - Whoa, dude, it's 420 on 420 that must be like some way groovy cat somewhere making it so synchronistic or something. Gotta go. Peace.

Goth Blogger (Glogger)

Percentage of blogger population: 5%
Hours spent blogging: 20/week
Habitat: Somewhere dark, with the shades drawn.
Average Age: 18
Favorite hangout: Coffin in the basement.
Last Book Read: Goth Chic: A Connoisseur's Guide to Dark Culture
Favorite Offline Activities: Crying, moping, staring off blankly into space.
Mode of Dress: Black anything (including undergarments and skin depending on how hardcore of a Goth they are.)
Psychological profile: INFJ
Typical post: x1/x1/x2 -- 3:20 a.m. - i want to die. why are there so many happy bright blogs out there? Why do none of my questions get answered? Why does no one leave comments? Why do I even try anymore? Here is some poetry about my situation.

Rain, Raining

The rain is raining,
Falling into place.
Like a small community,
Running down my face.

Link Blogger(Blinker)

Percentage of blogger population: 19%
Hours spent blogging: 52/week
Habitat: A room. Somewhere.
Average Age: 26
Favorite hangout: Library
Last Book Read: Mining the Web: Analysis of Hypertext and Semi Structured Data
Favorite Offline Activities: Thinking of new linking areas to get into.
Mode of Dress: Lots of zippers. Not sure why on this one, but lots and lots of zippers.
Psychological profile: INTJ
Typical post: post #3455686869-a: Just found a site here, here, and here, regarding what I posted a couple hours ago regarding this. I'll post more links later!

Addendum/Apologies:

Yes, I'm aware I haven't accounted for the full range of bloggers out there. Some are quite elusive and hard to classify.

Thanks to ennui for the idea for this piece.

Also, I have nothing against people who live in trailer parks. Sometimes they're the best people there are. I'm pretty sure the Beulah blog above is just a parody and not a real blog. I haven't emailed anyone on it, though, so who knows.

Finally, please go to Amazon.com and do a book search for Blogs (I couldn't get a link to work.) Here's what I got: "We found no matches for blogs. Below are results for blows." Is that funny? Well, to me a maybe a little. ;)

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Poll
Blogs are
o stupid! 11%
o genius! 7%
o ok. 20%
o what? 5%
o something that must be stopped. 2%
o a scourge worse than popups and blink tags. 9%
o belong to us. 31%
o the terrible secret of space. 11%

Votes: 118
Results | Other Polls

Related Links
o Slashdot
o love them
o hate them
o grow in numbers
o blogospher e
o vast internet universe
o Teenie Blogger
o Teenoger
o ESFP
o Techie Blogger
o Togger
o INTP
o Trailer Blogger
o Trogger
o ESFJ
o Blog Blogger
o HasTooMuch Timer
o ENTJ
o War Blogger
o Woggler
o ESTP
o Hippy Blogger
o Bippy
o INFP
o groovy cat
o Peace
o Goth Blogger
o Glogger
o INFJ
o Link Blogger
o (Blinker)
o INTJ
o Just found
o a site
o here
o here [2]
o here [3]
o regarding what
o I posted a couple hours ago
o regarding
o this
o I'll post more links later
o full range of bloggers
o quite elusive and hard to classify
o ennui
o idea for this piece
o Also by kpaul


Display: Sort:
Portrait of a Blogger | 64 comments (41 topical, 23 editorial, 0 hidden)
Goddamnit!! Stop saying that word! nt (3.80 / 15) (#3)
by Edgy Loner on Mon Oct 28, 2002 at 09:43:40 PM EST



This is not my beautiful house.
This is not my beautiful knife.
Easy there grandpa... (4.00 / 1) (#36)
by batkiwi on Tue Oct 29, 2002 at 10:42:20 AM EST

As lame as it sounds, that IS the accepted word for "weblog".  It's better than its predecessor, "wee blog".  What's wrong with it?  It's short, and people know what it is.  Even "legitimate" (non E/N) web logs are embracing the name.  

Think of it like e-mail.  It's a shortening of a "techie" term to make it easier to say.

Now, if only we could do something about those damn kids and their rock and roll...

[ Parent ]

what was wrong with "web log"? (3.25 / 4) (#40)
by ethereal on Tue Oct 29, 2002 at 01:57:39 PM EST

Really, "web log" is easier to say, since it doesn't start with such a hard consonant sound. It rolls trippingly off the tongue, you might say.

blog is an ugly, ugly word, no matter how to the point it may be. Plus, it just sounds like a dumb way to spend your time. I guess "diarist" is just too tough for most web loggers to spell?

Although I probably have no grounds for criticism; you can see from my k5 diary that I rarely summon the energy to actually post anything. My daily activities are interesting to me, but I just don't think they're interesting enough to anyone else for me to go to the trouble of publishing them. Also, my disdain for poor spelling and grammar probably slows down my maximum log output somewhat compared to your average blogger, even though I am a fair-to-middlin' typist.

--

Stand up for your right to not believe: Americans United for Separation of Church and State
[ Parent ]

Blog! (1.80 / 10) (#11)
by regeya on Mon Oct 28, 2002 at 10:28:32 PM EST

Blog blog blog, blog blog, blog blog blog blog blog. Blog? BLOG!!!! Blog-blog-blog-blog-blog-blog! *blog*

[ yokelpunk | kuro5hin diary ]

There are additional ones ... (3.57 / 7) (#18)
by tetsuwan on Tue Oct 29, 2002 at 12:10:30 AM EST

The Pathological thread reader blogger (Pathoblog):

Skims through any article and heads on to the commenting threads and always reads every single thread. Occasionaly finds herself wanting to comment but rarely does.

Since trace is small it is hard to estimate type population: 1% (?)
Typical offline activities: reading anything
hours/week: 40
Average age: 19

Njal's Saga: Just like Romeo & Juliet without the romance

Hi, that's me (3.00 / 1) (#33)
by Subtillus on Tue Oct 29, 2002 at 08:20:10 AM EST

or at least what I did for the most part of last year, coincidentally, I was 19 at the time. Good reading.

[ Parent ]
My response a la TWOP (2.28 / 7) (#19)
by rusty on Tue Oct 29, 2002 at 12:14:31 AM EST

Hee!

If you understand this post, you already know you are a huge geek.

____
Not the real rusty

See, I knew I would be a huge geek one day ... (3.00 / 1) (#31)
by mami on Tue Oct 29, 2002 at 07:03:54 AM EST

thanks to K5.

In authentic MOMMY BLOGGER style the only thing that suprises me with those TWOP preachers is their lack of words ...

[ Parent ]

Without realizing it... (3.14 / 7) (#20)
by sk00t on Tue Oct 29, 2002 at 12:26:01 AM EST

... your story signals the death knell of this particular little subcultural phenom, signifying its impending critical mass and absorption into popular culture. Blogging has just jumped the shark.

"Somehow we get by without ever learning, somehow no matter what the world keeps turning"

--Ben Foster

Incidentally (4.83 / 12) (#24)
by rusty on Tue Oct 29, 2002 at 02:24:59 AM EST

"Jumping the shark" and pointing out that "jumping the shark" has itself jumped the shark have both jumped the shark.

As far as I know, pointing out both of these things at once has not yet jumped the shark. Ths post, however, may come to be known as the moment when it did.

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]

Do you realize (4.20 / 5) (#30)
by kholmes on Tue Oct 29, 2002 at 06:45:48 AM EST

that I can't understand half of the things you say?

If you treat people as most people treat things and treat things as most people treat people, you might be a Randian.
[ Parent ]
postmodernism (5.00 / 5) (#37)
by Wah on Tue Oct 29, 2002 at 11:54:58 AM EST

where confusion and indeterminate explanation aren't bugs, they're features.
--
The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress. -- Joseph Joubert. ...
[ Parent ]
Yes (5.00 / 4) (#45)
by rusty on Wed Oct 30, 2002 at 01:39:12 AM EST

That's ok. I can expand this one though, if you want.

The expression "to jump the shark" means to become passe, or pass into the realm of self-parody (it's derived from a "Happy Days" episode, supposedly). Through overuse, however, the expression "jumping the shark" has itself jumped the shark. Furthermore, pointing out that fact has also jumped the shark, as it has been done quite a bit. To my knowlege though, combining the two preceeding observations into one compound observation has not yet jumped the shark. By my posting the above, I fear that the moment when it does may be at hand.

I still prefer the original phrasing. And if you can understand half the things I say, you're doing pretty well. I think that's better than my average.

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]

better than my average (4.33 / 3) (#47)
by wiredog on Wed Oct 30, 2002 at 08:39:01 AM EST

Does that mean that you can't understand half the things you say?

Earth first! We can strip mine the rest later.
[ Parent ]
Yes (4.66 / 3) (#50)
by rusty on Wed Oct 30, 2002 at 11:08:56 AM EST

My pants are made of cheese.

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]
Must make you popular with the cats (4.00 / 2) (#52)
by wiredog on Wed Oct 30, 2002 at 12:12:29 PM EST

Didn't you stop doing the Midnight Diariest bit for a while?

Earth first! We can strip mine the rest later.
[ Parent ]
Like fingernails upon the chalkboard of my mind (4.00 / 1) (#63)
by carbon on Fri Dec 06, 2002 at 04:46:44 AM EST

But you are still invincible in your Cheese Helmet! </reference-to-a-movie-ive-never-even-seen>


Wasn't Dr. Claus the bad guy on Inspector Gadget? - dirvish
[ Parent ]
Patent Infringement (5.00 / 3) (#51)
by KILNA on Wed Oct 30, 2002 at 11:15:43 AM EST

It has come to our attention that a posting you made to the web site kuro6hin.org on Oct 29, 2002 has infringed on the patent "n-Level Shark Jump Meta Referencing", approved last month by USPTO. We are in posession of said patent, and require licencing for the use of the process described therein. Please send the royalty check of $5 to...

[ Parent ]
The term 'jump the shark' (4.00 / 1) (#60)
by Argyle on Thu Oct 31, 2002 at 02:06:01 PM EST

Here's a little more detail on the term 'jump the shark'.

I actually remember watching this Happy Days episode as a child and being thrilled.

[ Parent ]
Hahahahahahaa! Yeah!!1 (2.25 / 8) (#25)
by XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX on Tue Oct 29, 2002 at 04:17:58 AM EST

Sitck it to those self-absorbed nolifes who spend all their time on k5, I can't stand...

...

I mean, those navel-gazing prats who spend all their time reading blogger! Buncha wet-nosed simps, the lot of em!

*whew* Note to self: nice save, dude.

i hate web logs (nt) (1.42 / 7) (#27)
by jolt rush soon on Tue Oct 29, 2002 at 06:20:54 AM EST


--
Subosc — free electronic music.
Where are the ENTP ? (4.00 / 2) (#32)
by carlbeeth on Tue Oct 29, 2002 at 07:58:30 AM EST

Just wondering if you had a profile for the ENTP bloggers?

eccentric academic (3.00 / 1) (#35)
by kpaul on Tue Oct 29, 2002 at 10:21:10 AM EST

eccentric/academia types?
2014 Halloween Costumes
[ Parent ]
Raver Blogger! (3.80 / 5) (#38)
by fict on Tue Oct 29, 2002 at 12:16:41 PM EST

Raver Blogger(Rogger) Percentage of blogger population: Whatever. Hours spent blogging: 52/week Habitat: A dark room. Loud music. Lots of flashy things. Average Age: 20 Favorite hangout: Club Last Book Read: Las night a DJ saved my life Mode of Dress: Shiny things, big parachute pants. Anything shiny and large. Psychological profile: INTJ Typical post: Ate a few dozen pills, white something or others. Did a few bumps of tweak really kick 'em in and now i'm ready to GROOVE. See you all at the pARTAYYYY

INTJ (3.50 / 2) (#57)
by eudas on Wed Oct 30, 2002 at 06:37:05 PM EST

you got it right except for INTJ... they'd be an Exxx. INTJ's are system builders for chrissakes. raver kids couldn't build their way out of a cardboard box.

eudas
"We're placing this wood in your ass for the good of the world" -- mrgoat
[ Parent ]

Yes, but... (4.50 / 2) (#61)
by enthalpyX on Thu Oct 31, 2002 at 05:08:04 PM EST

I'm pretty surprised at the spectrum of people that rave culture entices.  While it would seem like ravers would be Exxx (ECSTACY#!$ HAHAHAHA), it's mostly been my experience that even though ravers might go to "parties" (i.e. raves), the social interaction is based largely on small cliquish groups.  Not that this is bad-- the culture can be quite accepting if you work with it long enough, but extroverted is hardly what I'd characterize most ravers as.  Furthermore, ravers tend to be autonomous, imaginative, and driven by independence:  much of this meshes well with the INTJ profile.  The correlation between ravers and those involved in the tech industry is pretty high too.  FWIW.

As such, I don't see raver <==> INTJ as that much of a stretch.

[ Parent ]

well, it was easy to write - (1.00 / 3) (#41)
by tetsuwan on Tue Oct 29, 2002 at 02:00:29 PM EST

- since I am one of them myself (except in age)

Njal's Saga: Just like Romeo & Juliet without the romance

actually, (1.00 / 3) (#42)
by tetsuwan on Tue Oct 29, 2002 at 02:04:49 PM EST

I'm not French at all, it was just a way of speaking I picked by some French guys: You like? - I like very much.

Njal's Saga: Just like Romeo & Juliet without the romance

Books on Blogging (3.00 / 1) (#43)
by Al Macintyre on Tue Oct 29, 2002 at 02:19:59 PM EST

Regarding your unsuccess in searching, check out my Radio Weblog Story that is a simple directory of links to some 10 different books on Blogging and a couple other places that have directories like this. http://radio.weblogs.com/0107846/stories/2002/10/07/blogBooks.html Al Macintyre
- Al's weblog: http://radio.weblogs.com/0107846/ donate your unused PC resources (only when you not using them) to cure cancer http://members.ud.com/about/
How the heck did this get voted up? (nt) (1.00 / 3) (#44)
by Jman1 on Wed Oct 30, 2002 at 01:34:35 AM EST

.

It was funny. (2.50 / 2) (#54)
by Andy P on Wed Oct 30, 2002 at 05:13:11 PM EST



[ Parent ]
How it got voted up (4.00 / 2) (#62)
by ucblockhead on Fri Nov 01, 2002 at 06:47:41 PM EST

191 people voted for it while only 66 people voted against it.
-----------------------
This is k5. We're all tools - duxup
[ Parent ]
bloggers or webmonkeys? (4.00 / 2) (#46)
by prema on Wed Oct 30, 2002 at 01:57:52 AM EST

i think the little boxes you have put bloggers into is not just restricted to er.. BLOGGERS. It is reminiscient of the overall web population. and you forgot one - the Non-Bloggers, ppl who take the piss out of blogging, who cannot imagine why anyone would possible want to maintain a weblog in the first place.

anti-blogger (4.00 / 1) (#48)
by kpaul on Wed Oct 30, 2002 at 09:02:42 AM EST

I'm putting the final touches on a second installment with those I missed. Thanks.


2014 Halloween Costumes
[ Parent ]

Hippy Blogger (3.00 / 1) (#49)
by alaxsxaq on Wed Oct 30, 2002 at 10:28:48 AM EST

42? Try 52.

Replace "blog" with "trampoline&quo (2.50 / 2) (#53)
by mediajunkie on Wed Oct 30, 2002 at 01:57:16 PM EST

The story would read the same (after Kung Fu Grippe). These are just types of people. Pretty contrived. Back to the drawing board. Also, saying that something has jumped the shark has jumped the shark.

You're too late (3.66 / 3) (#56)
by rusty on Wed Oct 30, 2002 at 05:39:41 PM EST

Saying that saying that something has jumped the shark has jumped the shark has jumped the shark.

Read it over a few times. Make a chart. It does work.

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]

Misrepresenation of a meme (5.00 / 4) (#58)
by broken77 on Wed Oct 30, 2002 at 07:35:39 PM EST

I think the usage of the term jumping the shark is not done appropriately, in these cases. It seems to me that usage of the term is meant to explain the last death throes of some entity, such as a TV series, to stay alive, and in doing so, performing the most ludicrous things. Fonzie jumping the shark (supposedly) is a product of the TV series taking a sharp turn that was completely uncharacteristic of the show, and frankly, ludicrous. If one were to adapt that idea to meatspace, you might say that a politician has jumped the shark, or an actor in their career choices, or a corporation (like if McDonald's started selling car parts) or so on. It's something uncharacteristic and ludicrous performed when that entity has lost its drive and/or creativeness. I think using the term to explain something that is passe is a little inaccurate.

Man, can I ever be boring sometimes.

I'm starting to doubt all this happy propaganda about Islam being a religion of peace. Heck, it's just as bad as Christianity. -- Dphitz
[ Parent ]

How bout..... (none / 0) (#55)
by artsygeek on Wed Oct 30, 2002 at 05:38:55 PM EST

An ENFP blog? I see the INFP....but where's the ENFP beef? If anyone can think of an ENFP-ish blog....i'd appreciate it.

personality types and blogging (4.00 / 2) (#59)
by kadyellebee on Thu Oct 31, 2002 at 04:26:50 AM EST

What a fun article! As it fits in with the theme, I thought others might like to see Bloginality - tons of people have listed what their personality type is, so you really can see what kind of blogs each type has!! :)
kadyellebee.com love-productions.com | blogstyles.com
Hehe (none / 0) (#64)
by frijolito on Wed Jun 18, 2003 at 07:11:07 PM EST

Thanks for a funny piece.

Portrait of a Blogger | 64 comments (41 topical, 23 editorial, 0 hidden)
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