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[P]
Why I'll Be Banned From Star Trek Online; or, Make Me "Q" and Nobody Gets Hurt.

By internetslacker in Internet
Fri Jan 12, 2007 at 10:28:43 PM EST
Tags: humor, comedy, games, mmorpg, star trek (all tags)

STARDATE: FUN!

The Developers over at Perpetual Entertainment, Inc. are feverishly, frantically, and Ferengingly working on Star Trek Online, a massively multiplayer role-playing game where you too can be a shoulder-pinchin' Vulcan, an annoyed Klingon, or one of those blue guys with mini-satellite dishes sticking out of their heads.

Many fans of the series are eagerly awaiting Star Trek Online so they can get just a little bit closer to being an actual officer of the Federation. Me, no; I'm too worried that I'll be the very first subscriber permanently exiled from the entire Star Trek universe.


Why? Well, my playing style can best be described as "bipolar". In the Real World, I'm a polite, responsible adult (mostly). Online, I'm an irresponsible idiot running around annoying people. I can't help this change, it's like I turn into a brain-damaged werewolf each and every time I log into a MMORPG (or any online game, for that matter, like Yahoo! Graffiti).

I must be suffering from some sort of new & horrible psychological disorder that strips moral values (and, at times, a good amount of IQ points) from me whenever I get past the login screen of any multiplayer game on the `Net. Maybe a good name for my disorder would be "Multiplayer Online Game Schizophrenic Retardation Syndrome" (MOG-SRS for short).

Any psychologist hearing of my (ahem) "adventures" in online games would have valid cause for deep concern about my sanity. For example: the first graphical MMORPG I "cut my teeth on" was Ultima Online back in the old millennium. You could (and still can) do a lot of stuff in UO: fight monsters, search for treasure, design and own a house. What did I do for massively multiplayer fun in Ultima Online? Three things, and three things only:



(1) With my character, "Jester Nyuckles", I would follow other people in the game while spamming NYUCK NYUCK NYUCK over and over again. While wearing nothing but a jester hat, of course. A stupid, pointless act that got me jailed many, many times. Why did I do it? I don't know and I couldn't stop.

(2) In UO various animals can be trained to do your bidding if you have the appropriate skill. I'd domesticate packs of noble walrus (walrii?) and order the barking creatures to follow newbies logging into the game for the very first time. Since they had no way to escape their new fat semi-aquatic buddy, a sizeable percentage of gamers new to Ultima Online were stalked by virtual animals that made belching sound effects through their computer speakers. For absolutely no reason at all but that of satisfying the twitching mass of reptilian brain cells deep in my head that have gone horribly, horribly wrong.

(3) I would open magical gates for gamers to allow them to travel to (what they thought) was a safe city zone, but their final (or shall we say, terminal) destination was Wyvern Isle: a fun wacky place full of hungry, annoyed giant lizard creatures whose favorite food was very surprised gamers.



It's apparent I have a lot of potential energy to expend in any massively multiplayer online game, but such energy is not directed properly to anybody's benefit. And when you get right down to it... I'm a nice guy, honest! I sincerely don't want to annoy, confuse, and mildly traumatize people... but in MMORPG's I just can't seem to stop myself from forcing other players into surreal (I like to think unique) online game experiences.

Getting back to Star Trek Online, I would like to think my MOG-SRS disorder could be directed into a very potential force by the smart, witty, and handsome developers at Perpetual Entertainment, Inc. Think about it: what Star Trek character LOVES to roam the universe annoying starship captains WHILE making such Federation officer's lives so much more interesting? Who, I ask you?

Why... "Q", of course. And if there's one character I was born to virtually be to 100% perfection, it's the Q-Man, baby.

So this article is my personal application for the role of "Q", and I'll be sending it to the Great Birds of the Galaxy behind Star Trek Online. It's a handy list of the ten biggest reasons why I'll be banned from STO if I'm forced to be a humble member of the Federation. Career move or desperate cry for help, it's the Developers' call now:

(1) Captain's Orders + Me = Ha! Ha! Ha! No.

I will never follow orders from my Captain in Star Trek Online (or anyone else, come to think of it... unless I'm "Q" and a GM asks me to return the Captain's toupee). I mean, it's an online game, right? What's the worst that could happen if I told a virtual starship Captain to "go probe a Romulan"? Sure, the Captain would send me to "The Brig"... but it would be a virtual game prison I'd probably complain my way out of by sending whiny petitions saying "I'll be a good Horta from now on" to the GM's (assuming the Horta race is available to players, which I hope it is, `cause I've always wanted to roleplay a rock-eating security-guard-corroding fur-bearing footstool.)

Look, any possibility of real martial punishment is right out, because we're talking about Virtual Reality heah. While playing the MMORPG America's Army, for example, I shot the training sergeant in the face. Bang! Heh. Anyways, the worst thing that happened was I ended up in the game's prison for awhile. Whoop-de-doodly-doo. America's Army has a much more comfortable jail cell than Ultima Online has: there's running water and a cot.

If it had been Real Life and I had removed the Sarge's surprised facial expression with a tracer round or five hundred, I would've gotten The Brig for many, many, many years or even the death sentence (in fact, if I had killed my sergeant in Real Life Texas, I would've probably been shot on the spot).

So as a gesture of goodwill, I am now offering an apology in advance to each and every player who will experience the grim horror show of me under their command in Star Trek Online if I don't get the job as "Q". If that happens, all I can say to you future Federation officers is: "Warning! Game experience may change during online play".

To illustrate the futility in trying to order me around, let's say during intense space combat you, my Captain, order me to Engineering to shut down the damaged warp coil before the ship blows up. I can assure you with a 100% probability that ten seconds before the lethal explosion you'd find me hitting on a cute blonde Ensign in Ten-Forward:



Me: Hi, I haven't seen you here before.

Cute Blonde Ensign: Oh, hi. (giggles). That's because I transferred to this ship at Starbase Seven.

Me: That's very interesting. We should continue this discussion in my quarters.

Ship: BOOOOOOOOM.

(2) Lock up the Phasers or there's Gonna be a Laser Light Show Tonight.

Here's the fun new phrase the Developers of Star Trek Online will create after seeing me in full glorious action: "Random Unnecessary Phasering".

Yup, I'll be the Federation-sponsored maniac running around starship hallways evaporating people with my cool virtual phaser that looks like an electric shaving razor. Why? Well, besides annoying the hell out of other gamers, phasers make all your problems go away in a big beautiful burst of light. Captain trying to order you around? Phaser! Got ripped off by a Ferengi? Phaser! Tribble infestation? You got it... Phaser! Phaser Phaser Phaser! (Fortunately for all those condominium timesharing salespeople who phone me at 4:00 AM, phasers only exist in Virtual Reality... but I'm still looking on eBay).

My Big Fun Plan for the first day of Star Trek Online is to phaser-disintegrate everyone on the starship to which I'm assigned, then the ship itself, and just as the cold vacuum of space begins to creep into my body, I'll phaser myself into non-existence. And then I'll create a new character, sign onto a new ship, and repeat the process. Right after game launch, the Developers will be treated to the sight of countless proud Federation ships suddenly bursting into pretty rainbow colors along with thousands of enraged screams over Ventrilo and Teamspeak. And the petitions, they'll be a-floodin' in... all with my name in the subject line. Awesome sauce.

And if the Developers take away my phaser, well, all I have to say is: "Random Unnecessary Vulcan Nerve Pinching." Let's see how many players we can creep up behind and drop in the Enterprise hallways like a Ninja Spock, shall we?

(3) Banned for: Cycling Wesley Crusher Out the Airlock.

Oh God, yes. Aside from traumatizing gamers around the world I don't personally know, getting my hands on that little bastard Wesley is another big reason why I'm planning to play Star Trek Online. (Well, that and the chance to score with a dancing green-skinned sex-slave chick, of course).

Player or NPC, doesn't matter: Wesley's going out the airlock. Maybe it's only Virtual Reality, but this premeditated act of obscene violence would give me (and many others, natch) great satisfaction. Hell, if it was a daily option for everyone playing Star Trek Online to flush Wesley out into the cold murderous depths of space, subscriber fees would go through the roof. The Developers should make it a mission in the storyline.

And if Wil Wheaton is reading this article, you better start practicing your screaming for the game's sound effects, because the Developers are probably agreeing with me.

(4) Beaming into Women's Crew Quarters.

Yes, I know we're talking virtual here... but still. C'mon. If you had the power to suddenly appear in a cute woman's spaceship quarters, be it an online game ability or not, you'd still do it. Of course, I'm talking for gamers who prefer women, especially if said women are naked and screaming at you while underneath a sonic shower.

So it's probably best all around for everybody in the game if I'm made "Q" so I can be totally invisible while watching the blonde Ensign hotties undress. Assuming I can peer over the crowd of invisible GM's, of course.

(5) Playing Chicken with Oncoming Klingon Starships.

Pretty well self-explanatory. Visualize a bridge full of screaming Federation officers with me at the helm, the Captain and First Officer trying to pry me off the controls. Cool.

God help the game if they let me pilot a ship. I tried flying spaceships in the MMORPG Eve Online, but I kept getting them stuck (at full engine thrust, natch) in the rafters of space stations. The station manager would mouth the words, "TRY GOING IN REVERSE" through the plexi-steel observation windows at me to little effect.

(6) Carving Obscene Phrases into Asteroids with the Ship's Lasers.

Like I mentioned, back in the years with "B.C." after the numbers, I was an avid player of Ultima Online. There was a trick where you could make empty water barrels unmovable by filling them with water from a water pitcher; well, unmovable until some other slob with a pitcher came along to empty them, but anyways...

I enjoyed spelling out phrases like "GM BOB IS A NOB" on Britain's main bridge with filled water barrels, blocking everyone from leaving the city for a few moments (and ensuring GM Bob's visit to the city in a puff of annoyed virtual smoke).

Once I get my hands on the ship's phasers in Star Trek Online, I'm going to unleash my full artistic potential on anything carve-able by lasers that have the misfortune of appearing on the helm's crosshairs. Passing asteroids, Borg cubes, even the sides of unarmed passenger ships filled with horrified settlers... all will be fair game to the phrase, "ENSIGN SLACKER IS SPACE-L33T". Or if GM Bob is now working for Perpetual Entertainment, Inc.: "GM BOB IS A SPACE NOB". I'm sure he'll appreciate the nostalgic memories.

(7) "Security to Transporter Room Three..." ... "More Security to Transporter Room Three" ... "All Remaining Security Personnel to Transporter Room Three..."

If I ever achieve the rank of Captain (ha!) in Star Trek Online, I will be responsible for the deaths of many, many red-shirted security goons. I'll just keep beaming them down onto hostile planets no matter how many die horribly while screaming for their mothers. Picture in your mind a starving alligator, and I'm throwing gazelle-flavored potato chips at it a few at a time. Crunch, crunch, crunch. That's the sound effect of me beaming any online player who's not me into terminal danger. In space, no one can hear you scream, and even as your Captain, I wouldn't care if you did.

How many "Red Shirts" did Captain Kirk go through, anyways? And was he ever reprimanded for killing off all those security guards? I'm no Trekkie, but I think I remember an episode where Kirk was put on trial for flushing a guy out of one of the "Jefferies Tubes" or "Huxley Shafts" or "Jim-Bob's Colon" or whatever the hell it was called... but Kirk didn't actually do it, he was set up, so that doesn't count.

Well, I know Captain Kirk went through a lot of Red Shirts, so that's what I'd do: send innocent, trusting gamers to their certain virtual deaths, just because I could.

Horrible? Yes. But... be honest: I don't think you, the Reader, could resist the temptation to virtually slaughter "just a few" space-newb gamers in Star Trek Online. You'd get them all onto the teleporter pad and beam them into the depths of space just to see their virtual heads pop, wouldn't you? At least once? Sure you would. Don't lie to me.

(8) /msg Captain Raistlen, You want me to ROLE-PLAY?!?!111 BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Indeed, the only role for me is "Q"; if I'm forced to be a Federation officer in STO I promise you I will dance around the Captain's chair screaming, "LET'S OWNZER THESE ROMULANS" each and every time there's a random blip on the sensors. And then the Captain will probably smack me around, an act for which various Admirals will give him shiny space medals made out of pressed latinum.

(9) Shuttle Joyriding & Subsequent Shuttle Embedding into the Ship's Hull; Stuffing Tribbles into the Food Processors; Looking Out the Observation Window in Ten-Forward & Screaming, "OH GOD A PLANET SWERVE SWERVE SWERVE!"

I probably don't need to explain any of the above.

(10) The Neverending Constant Demands on my part to BE "Q".

Petition after petition, e-mail after e-mail, even stalking the Developers in Real Life... I will do anything to be one with the Q Continuum in Star Trek Online. In fact, I think that's the only way I could ever properly fit in the game, having full permission to annoy the living hell out of Starship captains.

It sure wouldn't be difficult for me to role-play "Q". Just put me in God Mode and watch me go to town... or any passing starship, that is. Oh sure, I'd promise (as "Q") not to do any permanent damage to the game or online players... but I'd do my best to make starship Captains have nervous breakdowns, or at least start weeping over the microphone.

In fact, if the Developers of Star Trek Online are reading this article right now (HA!), you should really hire me, The Internet Slacker, to play "Q" in the game. I don't think there'd be any cooler job than professionally annoying online gamers. Now there's a business card title, eh? "Professional Idiot, "Q", Star Trek Online, Perpetual Entertainment, Inc.". That'll get me the chicks in boatloads.

DEVELOPERS, YOU HAVE TO MAKE ME "Q". PLEASE! Otherwise I WILL BE BANNED from Star Trek Online! And I don't want to be, because from what I'm reading from the Developer's notes, the game is shaping up to be on the cutting edge of MMORPG design and, well, extremely exciting! And, believe me, as "Q", I'll take the excitement to a whole new level.

As a player, I'd be gone (or turned into a pile of carbon by my Captain) in under a day. Do you think the ten reasons above are the only examples why I'll be banned? As infinite as Space is, there are countless stupid acts I'll commit as a Federation officer:

Constantly Asking the Captain, "Where's Yoda?"

Screaming, "Stardate: Fun!" just to annoy people (see the beginning of this article).

Never-ending petitions to the GM's asking them when work will start on "Star Trek The Animated Series Online".

Creating a character called, "Kames T. Jirk"

Harassing female players because "I'm experiencing Ponn Farr"

Spamming in broadcast channel for help with the "Find Kirk's Rug" Mission

Spamming in broadcast channel for people who want to touch my "Deep Space Nine"

Spamming in broadcast channel my opinion of Scott Bakula ("dreamy") and very inappropriate dirty limericks using the words "Jonathan", "Archer", and anything rhyming with "Venus".

You see what I'm getting at here? Once I get a Star Trek Online account with my buddy Scott's "borrowed" credit card, God and all of His Angels Have Mercy on the Souls of the GMs and Developers. Unless they direct my manic medication-tinged energy with the Captain-traumatizing job as "Q", I'm going to log on each and every day and phaser the warp coils just to see what happens. Probably nothing good. I fully expect to be struck down by GMs wielding Klingon pain sticks that both burn and ban me when I go through all the star ships in the game.

So take my advice and play Star Trek Online when it goes live and see if my mild extortion-like threats in this article get me the job as "Q". I'm sending this article to the Developers at Perpetual Entertainment, Inc., and if they don't send the authorities to surround my home address, guns drawn and bullhorns blaring, maybe I have a chance.

Who knows? Maybe one day you'll be a starship Captain and I'll appear on your bridge and give you a virtual wedgie with my eerie omniscient Q-powers. That's if I'm not busy shoving a certain young Ensign into the nearest airlock, that is.



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Poll
What Race would you choose to play in "Star Trek Online"?
o Human 11%
o Vulcan 11%
o Andorian 2%
o Cardassian 4%
o Belgian 17%
o Bajoran 4%
o Bill Clinton 15%
o Ferengi 15%
o Borg 15%
o A Ferengi converted into a Borg 15%
o Tholian 4%
o Tellarite 0%
o Gorn (that lizard monster Kirk shot with a home-made cannon) 15%
o A New 2007 Honda Accord 40%
o Borg Tribbles With Latinum Fangs 26%

Votes: 45
Results | Other Polls

Related Links
o Yahoo
o Perpetual Entertainment, Inc.
o Star Trek Online
o Yahoo! Graffiti
o Ultima Online
o it's the Q-Man, baby.
o America's Army
o Tribble infestation?
o Wil Wheaton
o Eve Online
o "Red Shirts"
o "Jefferies Tubes"
o a lot of Red Shirts
o the Captain will probably smack me around
o latinum.
o annoy the living hell out of Starship captains.
o God Mode
o The Internet Slacker
o the Developer's notes
o Probably nothing good.
o Klingon pain sticks
o young Ensign
o Also by internetslacker


Display: Sort:
Why I'll Be Banned From Star Trek Online; or, Make Me "Q" and Nobody Gets Hurt. | 116 comments (96 topical, 20 editorial, 3 hidden)
Fantasy life. (1.81 / 11) (#1)
by Comrade Wonderful on Wed Jan 10, 2007 at 03:39:35 PM EST

I must be suffering from some sort of new & horrible psychological disorder that strips moral values

This is because you are repressed in real life, and probably over analytical.  Fortunately both of these can be helped without resorting to an Internet fantasy life.

I suggest picking a fight with someone at a bar.  Seriously.  Even if you lose it will be good for you.  Within reason.  Try to ensure no knives or guns are involved.

I agree with your suggested cure (2.75 / 4) (#77)
by livus on Fri Jan 12, 2007 at 07:18:49 PM EST

though not the diagnosis.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
What would you suggest? (none / 1) (#90)
by Comrade Wonderful on Mon Jan 15, 2007 at 10:03:31 AM EST



[ Parent ]
no no I agree, a bar brawl.n (none / 0) (#105)
by livus on Tue Jan 16, 2007 at 10:49:21 PM EST

 

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
Alternatively (none / 1) (#89)
by kromagg on Sun Jan 14, 2007 at 06:54:34 PM EST

You could try similar trollish behaviour while playing tabletop RPG's. DnD nerds are less likely to carry weapons (if you don't count their rulebooks).

[ Parent ]
there's pathetic (2.77 / 9) (#4)
by circletimessquare on Wed Jan 10, 2007 at 04:59:25 PM EST

then there is so fucking pathetic you can't take your eyes off it and you have to rubberneck at the car wreck and shake your head

then there is pathetic even beyond so fucking pathetic you have to rubberneck at the car wreck and laugh in spite of yourself

this is that last choice

+1 fp

it's like entering the brain of tron guy (WARNING!: middle aged man with camel toe)


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

Link is NSFE (2.85 / 7) (#13)
by eavier on Wed Jan 10, 2007 at 05:25:57 PM EST

not safe for eyes

Whatever you do, don't take it into your house. It's probably full of Greeks. - Vampire Zombie Abu Musab al Zarqawi

Ufology Doktor in da house

[ Parent ]
really lame dork < cts < lame dork (1.50 / 4) (#85)
by Comrade Wonderful on Sat Jan 13, 2007 at 04:35:42 PM EST



[ Parent ]
I'm +1ing this (2.00 / 6) (#5)
by starX on Wed Jan 10, 2007 at 04:59:25 PM EST

You, sir, have a very boring life and perverse sense of humor that I heartily enjoy. If/when you get logged on, find a way to do some video captures of your wacky adventures, and post them regularly on YouTube. And bloody well make sure you let me know when you start posting them.

"I like you starX, you disagree without sounding like a fanatic from a rock-solid point of view. Highfive." --WonderJoust
Thank you starX (2.00 / 2) (#10)
by internetslacker on Wed Jan 10, 2007 at 05:15:04 PM EST

Glad you enjoyed it; I don't make videos of my online adventures, I grab screenies and write about 'em.

And, I can assure you, I don't have a boring life... sometimes I wish it WAS boring...

www.internetslacker.com www.internetslacker.net www.internetslacker.org
[ Parent ]

But if you don't have a boring life (2.66 / 3) (#27)
by starX on Wed Jan 10, 2007 at 10:40:13 PM EST

How do you have time to play online video games? The closest thing I come is a spare 20 minutes I might have to bust out the DS between on gig and another.What's your secret?

"I like you starX, you disagree without sounding like a fanatic from a rock-solid point of view. Highfive." --WonderJoust
[ Parent ]
Scheduling! (2.25 / 4) (#51)
by internetslacker on Thu Jan 11, 2007 at 05:44:02 PM EST

I schedule an hour of game time just before I got to bed; by that time I've got my day's work done & done some writing & various other crap that needs to be done. It's like my reward at the end of the workday, something to look forward to: running around a virtual world and annoying everything that doesn't register "NPC" on the radar.

www.internetslacker.com www.internetslacker.net www.internetslacker.org
[ Parent ]

That was amazing (2.75 / 8) (#8)
by Kariik on Wed Jan 10, 2007 at 05:13:24 PM EST

Amazing in a sick deranged pyschotic kinda way. But amazing just the same.

Thanks bullies. (2.50 / 10) (#9)
by eavier on Wed Jan 10, 2007 at 05:14:48 PM EST

You shit on these guys for 18 years until they feel so bad that they take their pressure cooker of an ego to the internets, where it goes nuclear and explodes all over us who are just trying to fight the good fight and take it to the Borg.

Fuck it. +1FP from me.

Whatever you do, don't take it into your house. It's probably full of Greeks. - Vampire Zombie Abu Musab al Zarqawi

Ufology Doktor in da house

damn Borg assimilated my sister (3.00 / 4) (#11)
by internetslacker on Wed Jan 10, 2007 at 05:19:13 PM EST

Thanks for the +1; and, yes, the kuro5hin bullies have to try to get their jabs in. But I am The Internet Slacker, so I merely ignore them, for they are beneath Me.

www.internetslacker.com www.internetslacker.net www.internetslacker.org
[ Parent ]

Thanks, Vice Magazine.... (3.00 / 3) (#97)
by nepenthes on Mon Jan 15, 2007 at 02:57:41 PM EST

For being so hilarious and easily plagiarized.

http://www.viceland.com/int/dd.php?id=498&country=us

[ Parent ]

lol (none / 1) (#99)
by eavier on Mon Jan 15, 2007 at 07:49:06 PM EST

i couldn't resist. I saw the pic and thought of the slacker.

bad copypasta monster i know

Whatever you do, don't take it into your house. It's probably full of Greeks. - Vampire Zombie Abu Musab al Zarqawi

Ufology Doktor in da house

[ Parent ]

Playing Chicken With Real Klingons (3.00 / 11) (#12)
by MichaelCrawford on Wed Jan 10, 2007 at 05:25:07 PM EST

My Dad was in the bridge of the USS Springfield, sailing in the Mediterranean, when a Soviet ship came towards them, just barely far enough to port to squeak by.

"Hard to port" ordered his captain.

"Sir? Are you sure?" asked my father.

"I guess not. Hard to starboard." The ships passed safely.

This was in 1970, when the Cold War was still raging.


--

Live your fucking life. Sue someone on the Internet. Write a fucking music player. Like the great man Michael David Crawford has shown us all: Hard work, a strong will to stalk, and a few fries short of a happy meal goes a long way. -- bride of spidy


Now there's a story for the kids (2.77 / 9) (#28)
by starX on Wed Jan 10, 2007 at 10:43:24 PM EST

How your granddad single handedly kept the cold war cold.

"I like you starX, you disagree without sounding like a fanatic from a rock-solid point of view. Highfive." --WonderJoust
[ Parent ]
Two suggestions (2.81 / 11) (#17)
by godix on Wed Jan 10, 2007 at 06:44:10 PM EST

  1. Ask every male you meet if they would like to join you for an evening of shoving your tribble up their jeffries tube.

  2. Use the ships phasers to make a Pink Floyd laser light show. In middle of battle if possible. While it's not a common song for laser shows it would be best to use 'Set The Controls For The Heart Of The Sun'. Followed, of course, by doing exactly that.



- An egotist is someone who thinks they're almost as good as I am.
i was banned from puzzle pirates once (2.55 / 9) (#18)
by breed and raise magical pets on Wed Jan 10, 2007 at 06:46:52 PM EST



i lied (2.54 / 11) (#19)
by breed and raise magical pets on Wed Jan 10, 2007 at 06:50:32 PM EST

i was never banned from puzzle pirates.

[ Parent ]
Well, it's something to shoot for. (1.50 / 2) (#22)
by internetslacker on Wed Jan 10, 2007 at 07:50:41 PM EST

And write an article about. Ayup.

www.internetslacker.com www.internetslacker.net www.internetslacker.org
[ Parent ]

no (2.66 / 3) (#23)
by breed and raise magical pets on Wed Jan 10, 2007 at 07:53:48 PM EST

the people on puzzle pirates are too nice.

[ Parent ]
So (2.70 / 10) (#20)
by cburke on Wed Jan 10, 2007 at 07:18:15 PM EST

The Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory + Star Treck MMORPG = several thousand words describing completely predictable griefing behavior that anyone who's ever been online would already expect half of the game population to be engaged in.

I do agree however that the best solution for griefers is to grant them god-like omnipotent powers.

Or /trekie mode:  Lol, your persona sounds as irritating as Q was when he lost his powers!  They should have banned him from the Enterprise out the airlock!

Have fun with your upcoming banning.

hmmmm (2.25 / 4) (#21)
by khallow on Wed Jan 10, 2007 at 07:50:05 PM EST

I assume that you'll grow more level headed as you grow up. We feel all sorts of funny things in our teens. Or so I'm told.

Stating the obvious since 1969.

This is an ad (3.00 / 10) (#26)
by debacle on Wed Jan 10, 2007 at 08:24:27 PM EST

No one is really considering playing Star Trek Online.

If you vote this up, you will marry a soccer mom and die in your shit-encrusted underwear while masturbating to images of your daughter's best friends.

It tastes sweet.

that's pretty detailed (2.50 / 4) (#29)
by circletimessquare on Wed Jan 10, 2007 at 10:44:35 PM EST

you shouldn't share your secrets online like that


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]
yeah debacle (3.00 / 7) (#37)
by army of phred on Thu Jan 11, 2007 at 10:28:08 AM EST

pics or your daughter has no friends

"Republicans are evil." lildebbie
"I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about." motormachinemercenary
"my wife is getting a blowjob" ghostoft1ber
[ Parent ]
My daughter has a penis (2.00 / 3) (#73)
by debacle on Fri Jan 12, 2007 at 12:01:36 PM EST

And he's only 3.

Pedofaggot.

It tastes sweet.
[ Parent ]

That's not a bad way to go [nt] (2.90 / 10) (#30)
by Stjck on Thu Jan 11, 2007 at 04:00:33 AM EST



[ Parent ]
I better not have an open casket funeral, then. (2.80 / 5) (#36)
by internetslacker on Thu Jan 11, 2007 at 10:17:52 AM EST


www.internetslacker.com www.internetslacker.net www.internetslacker.org
[ Parent ]

tl;ra (2.75 / 8) (#34)
by b1t r0t on Thu Jan 11, 2007 at 07:47:47 AM EST

You are Lt. Kevin Riley and I demand my Shirtless Sulu The Gay Blade action figure.

So have you heard of this MMO place called Habbo Hotel? I hear the pool is being closed all the time because it has AIDS. You should really look into becoming a pool guard there.

Anyhow, I'm just trying to imagine what kind of grinding the hardcore gamers are going to be doing so they can become Admiral in a month. And then the "guilds" full of Admirals looking to do raids on the Romulan homeworld for ph4t l00t.

-- Indymedia: the fanfiction.net of journalism.

-1, Star Trek (1.20 / 5) (#38)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Thu Jan 11, 2007 at 10:31:00 AM EST

It's not just for raging, over-weight homosexuals anymore.

----------------

Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.

You really like your 10-point lists, don't you?... (2.33 / 3) (#39)
by mirleid on Thu Jan 11, 2007 at 10:51:00 AM EST

I'm amused enough to consider voting this up, and disgusted enough to actually think about not doing it...

I guess that this highlights the need for a "random" voting option...You choose it, and a random number generator does the voting for you...

Chickens don't give milk
Ten point lists are my kryptonite, yeah... (2.00 / 2) (#40)
by internetslacker on Thu Jan 11, 2007 at 10:57:46 AM EST

I can't help it, I can only manage my ADD on the base-10 number system...

www.internetslacker.com www.internetslacker.net www.internetslacker.org
[ Parent ]

ror (2.00 / 5) (#42)
by the spins on Thu Jan 11, 2007 at 11:33:08 AM EST

you would be surprised at what we've created using JavaScript technology.

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[ Parent ]

thanks. (2.50 / 2) (#44)
by zenofchai on Thu Jan 11, 2007 at 04:24:17 PM EST

funniest and best thing i've read on k5 in a quite long time.
--
The K5 Interactive Political Compass SVG Graph
Thank you (2.66 / 3) (#49)
by internetslacker on Thu Jan 11, 2007 at 05:38:55 PM EST

Glad you enjoyed the article... now to get it onto the front page...

www.internetslacker.com www.internetslacker.net www.internetslacker.org
[ Parent ]

this would be funny (2.50 / 2) (#45)
by actmodern on Thu Jan 11, 2007 at 04:48:24 PM EST

but most mmos fixed a lot of griefing problems that games like uo had.


--
LilDebbie challenge: produce the water sports scene from bable or stfu. It does not exist.
Thank you! (2.66 / 3) (#48)
by internetslacker on Thu Jan 11, 2007 at 05:37:49 PM EST

Maybe I should apply to be a reporter for The Onion...

www.internetslacker.com www.internetslacker.net www.internetslacker.org

he was being sarcastic /nt (2.83 / 6) (#53)
by ccdotnet on Fri Jan 12, 2007 at 01:13:17 AM EST



[ Parent ]
Thank you! (2.33 / 3) (#54)
by internetslacker on Fri Jan 12, 2007 at 01:28:08 AM EST


www.internetslacker.com www.internetslacker.net www.internetslacker.org
[ Parent ]

Yes $ (2.57 / 7) (#81)
by j1mmy on Fri Jan 12, 2007 at 11:30:38 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Nice work. But seriously, (2.66 / 3) (#55)
by GrubbyBeardedHermit on Fri Jan 12, 2007 at 01:35:24 AM EST

if you really are interested in professionally annoying online gamers drop me a mail at gbh@blizzard.com.  With every Tom Dick and Harry putting out their own online games we're always looking for young men with your talents.

GBH

Oh my god, fantastic. (2.50 / 2) (#56)
by sudog on Fri Jan 12, 2007 at 01:57:32 AM EST

You'd get them all onto the teleporter pad and beam them into the depths of space just to see their virtual heads pop, wouldn't you? At least once? Sure you would. Don't lie to me.

Heads don't explode in space. They probably wouldn't even bleed. And they'd probably live longer than 30 seconds, too.


Thank you! Human heads don't explode in space? (2.50 / 4) (#63)
by internetslacker on Fri Jan 12, 2007 at 09:44:46 AM EST

I mean, have NASA scientists run enough tests?

www.internetslacker.com www.internetslacker.net www.internetslacker.org
[ Parent ]

Nah. (2.33 / 3) (#87)
by sudog on Sat Jan 13, 2007 at 05:23:13 PM EST

People have survived total vacuums for 12-15 seconds of consciousness. We'd pretty much balloon up to about twice our current volume, our mouth and nose would freeze, and assuming we didn't do something stupid like try to hold our breath (ruptured lungs danger!) we'd still end up dying in about 90 seconds or so. Or a bit less.

A good explanation is here:

Exposure to a Vacuum


[ Parent ]

THE most hilarious character on K5. (2.00 / 1) (#57)
by sudog on Fri Jan 12, 2007 at 02:18:57 AM EST

Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing such creative absurdities and bringing them in here for me to read.


Shut up. --> Husi, post haste. (1.50 / 2) (#61)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Fri Jan 12, 2007 at 07:23:21 AM EST


----------------

Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.
[ Parent ]

Calm down, you crazed Viking poet... (3.00 / 4) (#64)
by internetslacker on Fri Jan 12, 2007 at 09:47:17 AM EST

Egil preferred attacking Christians and cursing at Odin for taking his son, not writers, so if you're going to do your namesake proud, go chase a nun for Christ's sake.

I'm not saying that as an insult, it's actually fun to chase nuns. I have Viking DNA, and the compulsion is... still... there...

www.internetslacker.com www.internetslacker.net www.internetslacker.org
[ Parent ]

Silence, peasant. 0x0 (none / 1) (#86)
by sudog on Sat Jan 13, 2007 at 05:06:30 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Thank you! (3.00 / 1) (#62)
by internetslacker on Fri Jan 12, 2007 at 09:43:26 AM EST

That's a great compliment! It's already enraged the trolls and given them further incentive to throw insults at me, too. All around, everyone's happy.

www.internetslacker.com www.internetslacker.net www.internetslacker.org
[ Parent ]

Awesome (2.00 / 3) (#58)
by Gruntathon on Fri Jan 12, 2007 at 02:38:24 AM EST

I might just get an account to see your handywork!
__________
If they hadn't been such quality beasts (despite being so young) it would have been a nightmare - good self-starting, capable hands are your finest friend. -- Anonymous CEO
Join Kuro5hin, yes.... (2.50 / 2) (#65)
by internetslacker on Fri Jan 12, 2007 at 09:49:39 AM EST

... and bring PIE. All new users to kuro5hin have to bring pie.

www.internetslacker.com www.internetslacker.net www.internetslacker.org
[ Parent ]

This is roleplaying (2.66 / 3) (#59)
by billt on Fri Jan 12, 2007 at 05:46:41 AM EST

the way god and nature intended it

-1 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THOSE NOISES MEAN (2.25 / 4) (#71)
by A Bore on Fri Jan 12, 2007 at 11:44:51 AM EST



WIPO (none / 1) (#75)
by b1t r0t on Fri Jan 12, 2007 at 06:25:38 PM EST

Pontiac Trans-sport.

"I am Locutus of Pontiac. Trans-sport me aboard!"

-- Indymedia: the fanfiction.net of journalism.

wow, the FP looks as bad as the ghetto (2.57 / 7) (#76)
by cDiss on Fri Jan 12, 2007 at 06:54:44 PM EST



You'd be happier at Neopets (2.00 / 3) (#78)
by livus on Fri Jan 12, 2007 at 07:19:37 PM EST

no, srsly.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

-1, too long (2.20 / 5) (#79)
by codejack on Fri Jan 12, 2007 at 08:10:59 PM EST

At a certain point, it stops being funny and just becomes sad.


Please read before posting.

I am very dissapointed in you all. (1.69 / 13) (#82)
by Mylakovich on Sat Jan 13, 2007 at 12:54:59 AM EST

How in flaming fuck did this tripe get on the FP? This faggot is the epitome of annoying attentionwhore gamer/nerd meets repressed whiny victim-mentality douchebag.

The Ultima Online bit was fucking painful to read. Surly this guy must have SOME clue how pathetic he is.

Then the Star Trak list: He's off in fucking dreamland describing shit that would never have a chance of being possible in-game, imagining how important and successful he'll be at something for once, as if no-one else has ever had the stunningly cleaver idea of playing pranks on noobs.

And you retards actually compliment him? Are you that fucking low? I expect a harsher audiance from k5, not some oblivious geeks who lap up highschool-grade wankery.

Or, IHBT I suppose.

would you like a tissue? (2.00 / 2) (#93)
by the spins on Mon Jan 15, 2007 at 11:11:30 AM EST


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[ Parent ]

Simple Solution: "Quniverse" (none / 1) (#83)
by Peahippo on Sat Jan 13, 2007 at 11:03:07 AM EST

Have the developers make a "Quniverse" server with loads of warnings and disclaimers[*]. Make it the development server for testing new objects and methods. Anyone who logs into that server gets what they deserve ... maybe even a good time. And, oh yeah, you have to pay a lot more to be a "Q" in the Quniverse. Ultimate power? That ain't cheap, buddy.

Hopefully, after a year or so of all these shenanigans, Paramount will start writing "Star Trek: Quniverse". Even demented madmen tend to have money for MMORPG and movies. Perversity is just another market. Think about the shareholders, you ape!

[*] For example:

WARNING: Demented morons with serious emotional issues will have ultimate power on this server over you, and have paid us a large amount of money to do so. Are you sure you want to login and play on this server as an ordinary player? (yes/no)

Never let him near your XBox. (none / 1) (#84)
by fluxrad on Sat Jan 13, 2007 at 02:55:13 PM EST

You and Psycho Dave would make fast friends.

--
"It is seldom liberty of any kind that is lost all at once."
-David Hume
K5 is back (none / 1) (#88)
by Maserati on Sun Jan 14, 2007 at 01:48:03 PM EST

I'm gonna have to start reading regularly again.

--

For the wise a hint, for the fool a stick.

That is the stupidest thing I ever heard (1.66 / 3) (#91)
by vadim on Mon Jan 15, 2007 at 10:44:36 AM EST

You probably think this is funny or clever, but I'll tell you something: it's pathetic. This reads like the insane ramblings of a 10 year old on a power trip, and I'm pretty sure most of them have enough dignity not to descend into such stupidity.

The only people who find this sort of thing funny or clever are morons of the same calibre as yourself, and even those will be really glad to get you banned the moment you try that stuff on them.

If you ever appear at once of the places I visit (which I won't mention for obvious reasons) I guarantee you'll get banned in less than a minute from whatever place you happen to be in, as well as automatically in a few others, as people share ban lists. A minute after you're banned, nobody will remember who you are or what you tried to do, because you won't be given the time to do that in the first place.

--
<@chani> I *cannot* remember names. but I did memorize 214 digits of pi once.

ror someone had his delicate sensibilities upset (none / 0) (#92)
by the spins on Mon Jan 15, 2007 at 11:09:29 AM EST


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[ Parent ]

No sensibilities upset (1.66 / 3) (#94)
by vadim on Mon Jan 15, 2007 at 11:35:40 AM EST

But some morons like the author seem to have the bizarre delusion that somebody finds them funny or clever. I'm looking to dispel that illusion. Even the few people who cheer acts like this will be quick to retailate the second they're on the receiving end of these antics.

This is probably the saddest type of Internet personality: the moron who goes from place to place, getting promptly booted from each of them, earning more and more enemies at every step, and absolutely zero friends. People must be really messed up in real life to not be able to come up with something better to do online. The author sounds like he's in need of a visit to a decent psychiatrist.

The real life equivalent would be a mentally deficient person who gets beat up and kicked out of every place they go to. This is not funny or clever, it's just sad.

People like this are not even good trolls, as the hallmark of a good troll is being incredibly annoying while being within the rules or appearing to be at least a somewhat decent person. This guy is so balant he won't last a day at any decently moderated place.

I assure this doesn't touch any sensibilities of mine, as unlike a decent troll, this sort is so transparent that he'll get permanently banned the minute he shows up, and everybody will quicky forget and get back to what they were doing.
--
<@chani> I *cannot* remember names. but I did memorize 214 digits of pi once.
[ Parent ]

he sure seems to have trolled you pretty hard (none / 1) (#95)
by the spins on Mon Jan 15, 2007 at 11:46:08 AM EST


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[ Parent ]

Not at all (none / 1) (#96)
by vadim on Mon Jan 15, 2007 at 12:46:52 PM EST

This is just a not so subtle attempt to beat some sense into him before it's too late.

He reminds me of a guy I knew. I suppose he must have had some mental deficiency. He would do things like tying a rope to his dog's leg and spinning the poor dog over his head, and adding kerosene to his grandma's eye drops. He made grandiose bizarre plans that sound similar to what the author so proudly describes. One of his genius plans was to try to melt a goat's horns with sulfuric acid.

I don't think he had any friends at all. He would randomly get friendly with people and then beat them up. As a result people finally got tired of it, and beat him up instead. After that he got a lot more quiet.

Last thing I heard of him was that he had to be interned in a psychiatric (which I hear is highly unpleasant in Russia), to keep him away from the army (which is even less pleasant and where people like he have a pretty high chance of getting killed). That didn't seem to help however, as from what I heard, he changed little. Then one day he was riding a train and apparently was too full of himself to realize that being too clever with random thugs in the middle of nowhere isn't a good idea. As a result, he got his throat sliced, thrown out the train, and died bleeding to death on the ground.

Apparently the police wasn't too interested in investigating it, which might be because I doubt he was unknown to them.

He had so few positive qualities that it's quite possible that nobody besides his family misses him, and about the nicest thing I can say about the whole thing is that I wish his death had been less unpleasant.

This article is written in a style that reminds me of him. The purpose of this post is to give the article's author a hint: obnoxious people eventually have things backfire on them, sometimes very badly. Better get help before it's too late.
--
<@chani> I *cannot* remember names. but I did memorize 214 digits of pi once.
[ Parent ]

The tragedy is, you're completely wrong... (none / 0) (#110)
by internetslacker on Sat Jan 20, 2007 at 03:07:26 PM EST

This article (which many people found very funny) is not indicative of the types of articles I write. I enjoy MMORPG's, so I write comedy articles about such online pursuits but I write fiction and non-fiction in other themes, too.

Vadim, I'd apologize for making you upset with an article you didn't find funny, but I have no idea why you're apparently so angry.

You appear to be a fairly literate person. Why not take the energy you've been using in attacking me and actually posting stories on kuro5hin? Your post count is zero. Zero, zero, zero.

If and when you do post a story, I will vote on it with fairness and constructive criticism, not personal attacks. And I do hope, like myself, you do have many articles (at least one) voted to the front page of kuro5hin.

But until that glorious moment in online literary history, I will not accept your comments in a serious manner. I'd suggest you:

  1. Eat a bowl of Prozac Flakes and shut the fuck up.
  2. Stop attacking other people because of your low self-esteem.
  3. Use your writing skills creatively.
  4. Post an article on kuro5hin.
  5. Get treated seriously by me, The one and only Internet Slacker, whom only regards you as a yapping toy poodle that natural evolution could never have produced. Farewell, goodbye, and Selah.

P.S. Numbnuts.

www.internetslacker.com www.internetslacker.net www.internetslacker.org
[ Parent ]

Ok (none / 0) (#111)
by vadim on Sat Jan 20, 2007 at 07:45:48 PM EST

This article (which many people found very funny) is not indicative of the types of articles I write. I enjoy MMORPG's, so I write comedy articles about such online pursuits but I write fiction and non-fiction in other themes, too.
Very well, in that case, consider my posts as a not so polite way of suggesting I'd like to see less of MMORPG "comedy".
Vadim, I'd apologize for making you upset with an article you didn't find funny, but I have no idea why you're apparently so angry.

I'm not angry at all. I already explained that my reaction to this article specifically is contempt. I assure you that I typed all my posts while relaxedly sipping tea.

You appear to be a fairly literate person. Why not take the energy you've been using in attacking me and actually posting stories on kuro5hin? Your post count is zero. Zero, zero, zero.

Don't really have anything to write about at the moment. I will if I can think of something though.

If and when you do post a story, I will vote on it with fairness and constructive criticism, not personal attacks. And I do hope, like myself, you do have many articles (at least one) voted to the front page of kuro5hin.

You posted about yourself, hence the personal attacks. Write about something that doesn't involve you personally, and I won't have anything to say about you.

But until that glorious moment in online literary history, I will not accept your comments in a serious manner. I'd suggest you:

Well, you accepted them enough to react to them. That's good enough for me.

Eat a bowl of Prozac Flakes and shut the fuck up.
What's Prozac got to do with it? I assure you I'm not depressed. And I'll talk when I please, thank you very much. There are very few people who could say "shut up" to me, and get me to actually do that. Based on my previous posts I would have thought you'd have guessed you're not in that list.
Stop attacking other people because of your low self-esteem.

Let's not confuse the issue here. I don't attack random people, I posted my opinion on your behavior, which you voluntarily described in the article. I consider that an entirely fair thing to discuss, otherwise what did you post the article for?

My self-esteem is also doing wonderfully well. If I had bad self-esteem I'd think I'm not worthy enough to comment.

Use your writing skills creatively. Post an article on kuro5hin.
See above.
Get treated seriously by me, The one and only Internet Slacker, whom only regards you as a yapping toy poodle that natural evolution could never have produced. Farewell, goodbye, and Selah.
To be honest, I don't really care what you think of me. If you think I'm a yapping poodle, so be it.
--
<@chani> I *cannot* remember names. but I did memorize 214 digits of pi once.
[ Parent ]
god, a point-by-point (1.50 / 2) (#112)
by the spins on Sun Jan 21, 2007 at 10:33:38 AM EST

i haven't seen a biter like this since i stopped reading slashdot.

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[ Parent ]

You don't have a disease (2.33 / 3) (#98)
by mikej on Mon Jan 15, 2007 at 06:23:34 PM EST


I've been playing online games of various sorts since 1990 or so, when I got into MUDs.  I can say with some confidence that you don't have "MOG-SRS" or any other sort of disability.  You're afflicted with what those of us I like to call "nice" refer to as "being a dick".

The fact that you're only a dick online where there are no meaningful consequences doesn't change the plain, simple fact that you're a dick.  It only highlights that you've managed to internalize the social consequences of being a dick in real life and manage to hold that dickishness back.  Maybe this makes it come out all the more online, like water under pressure; I can't say.  I can say, though, that lots of people do appreciate and applaud this sort of online behavior.  In general, they also suffer from "being a dick".  Just something to keep in mind.
Ideology breeds hypocrisy. Just how much is up to you.

The people mad at the writer (2.00 / 2) (#100)
by lonelyhobo on Mon Jan 15, 2007 at 10:00:56 PM EST

You can tell these are the guys who spend hours upon hours grinding and turn red in the face when someone farting around in a GAME interrupts their 10,000th run through to get some random assed item

there are plenty of things honestly fucked up in the real world to get pissed about instead of this article and the people posting irate replies are pretty sad.

I don't get your point (none / 0) (#101)
by vadim on Tue Jan 16, 2007 at 07:46:32 AM EST

What, in your opinion, should a reaction to this article be? Even if you think that people who play  MMORPGs are messed up, I fail to see how somebody who pays for the box price of the game, plus possibly a subscription to get kicked out the same day he signs up is smarter.

IMO, the author clearly demonstrates two things: That he's an idiot, and that if you ever meet him in real life you should run as far as possible, as this article plainly describes what an obnoxious jerk he is when he thinks he's free of consequences. Neither of those things is worthy of any praise.

I can't speak for others, but I don't play anything where you have to grind or kill anything, and I'm not mad at him. Rather my feeling are of pity and contempt. And also disappointment the formerly enlightened K5 audience now has a large proportion of idiots that go "hurr hurr hurr" at the article.
--
<@chani> I *cannot* remember names. but I did memorize 214 digits of pi once.
[ Parent ]

I'm pretty sure (none / 1) (#104)
by lonelyhobo on Tue Jan 16, 2007 at 08:23:13 PM EST

The article should be taken as a humor piece instead of getting bound the hell up about it.  Or even if you do take the article literally, why should you even care what he does?

If you're so dull you have to be explained that 95% of the things he mentioned will be impossible to do in game then honestly I feel "dissappointment the formerly enlightened K5 audience now has a large proportion of idiots who can't understand the difference between humor and serious writing."

[ Parent ]

He's not alone (none / 0) (#107)
by pmgolz on Thu Jan 18, 2007 at 07:37:32 PM EST

First let me say that I found the article hilarious. That's maybe beside the point for this comment but it just gave me twenty minutes of laughing in what was proving to be quite a dull day.

A lot of people are bandying around words like "moron" and "idiot" (or worse). Seems like the author isn't the only one who likes to behave differently when online. I would suggest that the aggressive, condescending tone used by these commenters would never be used in real life.

I'm just back to K5 after a prolonged absence. As I understand it, it's a discussion forum where people can debate, amuse, educate. I'm not certain that these types of personal insult really contribute effectively to any of these. Has K5 changed its ideology?

Thanks for the article btw.
------
Enthios
[ Parent ]

Well (none / 0) (#108)
by vadim on Sat Jan 20, 2007 at 10:17:35 AM EST

A lot of people are bandying around words like "moron" and "idiot" (or worse). Seems like the author isn't the only one who likes to behave differently when online. I would suggest that the aggressive, condescending tone used by these commenters would never be used in real life.

All people behave differently online. I consider the online self closer to the "actual me" than what I display in reality. While I probably wouldn't say that to his face in RL (although circumstances vary), I would describe him to another person in exactly the same way I did in my comment, and my contempt would be plainly visible anyway.

I'm just back to K5 after a prolonged absence. As I understand it, it's a discussion forum where people can debate, amuse, educate. I'm not certain that these types of personal insult really contribute effectively to any of these. Has K5 changed its ideology?

Precisely. Which is exactly why I hope this moron goes away, and xC0000005 writes more articles about bees. My tolerance for idiots is very low, and if I wanted that, I'd go to digg or slashdot. IMO, what makes K5 great is the articles by people like xC0000005 and imrdkl (he wrote some great articles long ago, but they don't seem to be linked from his userpage anymore).


--
<@chani> I *cannot* remember names. but I did memorize 214 digits of pi once.
[ Parent ]
To summarize (none / 1) (#115)
by godix on Thu Feb 01, 2007 at 03:54:42 AM EST

All people behave differently online. I consider the online self closer to the "actual me" than what I display in reality. While I probably wouldn't say that to his face in RL (although circumstances vary), I would describe him to another person in exactly the same way I did in my comment, and my contempt would be plainly visible anyway.

So basically what you're saying is that both online and in RL you are a stuck up humorless prick but in real life you're also two faced and talk about people behind their back?


- An egotist is someone who thinks they're almost as good as I am.
[ Parent ]
You're welcome (none / 0) (#109)
by internetslacker on Sat Jan 20, 2007 at 02:53:24 PM EST

... great to see one enlightened soul gets the point...

www.internetslacker.com www.internetslacker.net www.internetslacker.org
[ Parent ]

zerg (none / 0) (#116)
by FattMattP on Thu Feb 15, 2007 at 01:28:17 AM EST

What, in your opinion, should a reaction to this article be?
Well, I don't know about you but I laughed my ass off.

[ Parent ]
Y'know (none / 0) (#102)
by MarisPiper on Tue Jan 16, 2007 at 12:12:23 PM EST

I think this would really work. You have my full support!
~~ A mostly lurking potato...
Troll Syndrome (1.00 / 2) (#103)
by Mazement on Tue Jan 16, 2007 at 01:09:24 PM EST

What you're calling "MOG-SRS" is actually a well-known condition called Troll Syndrome

You don't need to worry about being the very first person banned from your Star Trek game. The nice thing about the Internet is that no matter how pathetic you are, there's always someone even worse.

There are going to be some people that obsessively try to connect and re-connect until the servers come up on launch day, and then once they get connected they'll start spamming general chat with racist profanity as fast as they can type. I'd guess there will be a dozen bans or so within the first hour. The sort of trollery you're planning to do is slower-paced and it'll probably take a couple days for you to accumulate enough complaints to get banned.

As to the specific game changes you're asking for, no one here can help you.  

Tick/Trek Crossover (none / 0) (#106)
by ewhac on Thu Jan 18, 2007 at 02:26:37 PM EST

(6) Carving Obscene Phrases into Asteroids with the Ship's Lasers.

Why am I picturing an image of the moon with the legend "CHA" carved into it?

Schwab
---
Editor, A1-AAA AmeriCaptions. Priest, Internet Oracle.

Bah. (3.00 / 3) (#113)
by Kasreyn on Mon Jan 22, 2007 at 07:59:50 PM EST

After Enterprise and the last handful of movies, Star Trek is like a friend who went to prison and came back totally different: physically roughened, covered in misspelled tattoos, and spiritually warped from being regularly sodomized. I don't even recognize Trek anymore.

Besides, Uru Live is about to devour my soul anyway. I can only afford one addiction at a time. (Though with Ubi at the helm, it's always a tossup as to how much of Cyan's brilliance will manage to shine through the thick, sooty layer of suck.)


"Extenuating circumstance to be mentioned on Judgement Day:
We never asked to be born in the first place."

R.I.P. Kurt. You will be missed.
I bought season 4... (none / 0) (#117)
by NoMoreNicksLeft on Fri Feb 16, 2007 at 12:12:54 PM EST

It was the only one I hadn't seen, I had given up on it somewhere in 3. I assumed that it would be an awful train wreck, and even the first episode was (the continuation of 3's cliffhanger). But then something happened. It started getting good. The Brent Spiner episodes kinda sucked. The smooth-headed klingon stuff was ok. But after that, it kept getting better and better. Not great, but remember... there was no where to go but up at this point.

I couldn't figure out what in the hell had happened, and then in the special features it hit me: Berman and Braga were no longer in charge.

If nothing else, watch the mirror universe episodes. Even the opening theme sequence kicks ass. Makes me almost wish there were a Star Trek: Mirror Universe series...

--
Do not look directly into laser with remaining good eye.
[ Parent ]

*off topic* (none / 0) (#114)
by ixx on Sun Jan 28, 2007 at 06:45:27 PM EST

I have not idea how to send a direct message and the old thread

http://www.kuro5hin.org/comments/2004/12/6/11739/5249?pid=151#169

is closed... I was wondering if you are still using the font you mentioned there.  If so is it still available?

Great stuff, keep it up (nt) (none / 0) (#118)
by yanisa on Fri Feb 16, 2007 at 01:22:38 PM EST


I think this line's mostly filler

I can completely relate... (none / 0) (#119)
by radicalation on Sat Feb 24, 2007 at 05:03:35 PM EST

In any type of multiplayer game, whether it be through the internet or split-screen with a few buddies, I always manage to convert myself into a completely insane and unstable person.

My hypothesis is that I just want to win. So let me win.

Why I'll Be Banned From Star Trek Online; or, Make Me "Q" and Nobody Gets Hurt. | 116 comments (96 topical, 20 editorial, 3 hidden)
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