Kuro5hin.org: technology and culture, from the trenches
create account | help/FAQ | contact | links | search | IRC | site news
[ Everything | Diaries | Technology | Science | Culture | Politics | Media | News | Internet | Op-Ed | Fiction | Meta | MLP ]
We need your support: buy an ad | premium membership

[P]
A Brief History of the ASCII Penis

By Trollaxor in Internet
Tue Nov 08, 2011 at 11:39:07 AM EST
Tags: ASCII, penis, Trollaxor (all tags)

Man has always sought to create, and has indeed done so since time immemorial: mathematics, civilization, language. Some of his modest efforts have reached the realm of art, especially as influenced by the primacy of his ability to create. And it is that very intersection that we discuss today: the ASCII penis.

(From http://www.trollaxor.com/2011/11/brief-history-of-ascii-penis.html)


ADVERTISEMENT
Sponsor: rusty
This space intentionally left blank
...because it's waiting for your ad. So why are you still reading this? Come on, get going. Read the story, and then get an ad. Alright stop it. I'm not going to say anything else. Now you're just being silly. STOP LOOKING AT ME! I'm done!
comments (24)
active | buy ad
ADVERTISEMENT

ASCII stands for the American Standard Code for Information Interchange, which is a very long-winded way of saying "default interchangeable character set," or DICS. It is a standard that defines 255 characters that every computer subscribing to the ASCII standard could read and interpret in the same way.

ASCII was derived from telegraph codes, which are lost in the mists of time. Today, ASCII is an aging standard from the 19th century that all operating systems can understand but few depend on anymore. Linux still uses ASCII as its default text-encoding standard and has yet to move to Unicode as most modern operating systems have, perhaps owing to an intense focus on DICS.

The penis, also known medically as the dong, is a long appendage derived from the fetus's clit that shoots sperm into the female vaginal canal for purposes of procreation. It also pumps piss.

In art, representations of the penis are known as phalluses (Latin phallī) and tend to embody the powerful, creational aspect of male fertility inherent in the throbbing, erect nature of the penis. In fact, the first picture ever drawn by a homo sapiens was phallic in nature.

As the phallus is a perennial (not to be confused with perineal, which means "pertaining to the area behind the balls up to, but not including, the asshole; see also taint") object of artistic endeavor, it stands to reason that the Internet super-highway's ASCII would converge with drawings of dongs before long. Thus today's many examples of ASCII penis art, with which Internet users copy, paste, and enlighten one another.

Below are several examples of ASCII penises. Please feel to add your own in the comments.

........................,,,,-~^^~,,-,,,,_
..................,,-^*'' : : ,,'' : : : : *-,,
..............,,-* : : :,,,,--/ : : : : : : : '\
............./ : : ,,-* . .| : : : : : : : : '|
............/ : ,,-* . . . | : : : : : : : : |
............\,,-* . . . . .| : : : : : : : :'|
............/ . . . . . . '| : : : : : : : :|
........../ . . . . . . . .'\ : : : : : : : |
......../ . . . . . . . . . .\ : : : : : : :|
......./ . . . . . . . . . . . '\ : : : : : /
....../ . . . . . . . . . . . . . *-,,,,,,,,-*'
....'/ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . '|
.../ . . . . . . . ./ . . . . . . .|
../ . . . . . . . .'/ . . . . . . .'|
./ . . . . . . . . / . . . . . . .'|
'/ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .'|
'| . . . . . \ . . . . . . . . . .|
'| . . . . . . \,,_^- ,, . . . . .'|
'| . . . . . . . . .'\ .\ ./ '/ . |
| .\ . . . . . . . . . \ .'' / . '|
| . . . . . . . . . . / .'/ . . .|
| . . . . . . .| . . / ./ ./ . .|

.............................................._,,,,,,,,_
........................................,,--~*'.......'\
..................................... (,,-~~--,,_....,/'
................................,,-^" : : : : :-"/'
........................,,,,-^" : : : : : : : '\,,,,,-"
**'^^~-,,,,,,----~^*'" : : : : : : : : : :-"
.:.:.:.:.,,-^" : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :,,-"
:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.: : : : : : : : : : ,,-^
.::.:.:.:.:.:.:.:. : : : : : : : ,,,,-^
:.' : : '\ : : : : : : : ;,,,,-~"
:.:.:: :"-,,""***/*''
:.': : : : :"-,, : : :"\
.:.:.: : : : :" : : : : \,
:.: : : : : : : : : : : : '
: : : : : : :, : : : : : :/
"-,,_::::_,,-*__,,,,~"

Sponsors

Voxel dot net
o Managed Hosting
o VoxCAST Content Delivery
o Raw Infrastructure

Login

Related Links
o http://www .trollaxor.com/2011/11/brief-history-of-ascii-penis.html
o Linux
o DICS
o homo sapiens
o Also by Trollaxor


Display: Sort:
A Brief History of the ASCII Penis | 37 comments (23 topical, 14 editorial, 0 hidden)
I am quite sorry, but I am forced to disagree. (1.00 / 11) (#4)
by Zombie Jesus Christ on Sun Nov 06, 2011 at 12:36:01 AM EST

While today's computers generally store ASCII in eight-bit bytes, the ASCII code has only seven bits, with decimal values ranging from zero to one-hundred twenty seven.

The zero character is a non-printing character called NUL (just one "L", not "NULL" like the invalid pointer in C!), that in C source code is written is '0' and generally used to terminate a string.

ASCII is a standardized encoding for a fixed character set.  I don't really know why it only has seven bits, but I expect that it was because the computers of the day commonly had thirty-six bit words.  Thus you could store five characters in a word, with just one wasted bit.

There is no allowance whatsover in ASCII for the diacritic marks - what Americas call "accents" over and, sometimes, below the original Latin character.

If you add one bit to the encoding, which fits nicely into the eight-bit bytes of today's computer, there are one-hundred twenty seven slots into which diacritic characters may be encoded.  Unfortunately this is not nearly enough; damn near every language that uses Latin characters has some way of adding marks to them to make the original Latin pronunciation sound more like their native tongue.

In addition, German commonly collapses "ss" into the Eszet character, which Americans typically mistake as a capital "B".  I expect they do that because pairs of s-es occur so often in German writing that the Eszet serves the them the purpose that contractions such as "ain't" serve to English speakers.

To provide for all the national languages that add diacritics to national character sets, there are a whole bunch of different "Code Pages" that give the correspondence between the eight-bit data representation and the way the character is actually portrayed.

That did no one any damn good though, as all manner of legacy software either stripped the eighth bit of, or used it for some other purpose, say as a parity bit to detect tranmission errors.  It was a long, long time before all the software I ever encountered could open a file full of French text and not fuck it all up;

I'm sorry but I don't have any ASCII penises to contribute, and I'm rather, uh, attached to my regular one.

But when I worked on the Astronomy Department back at Caltech doing optical astronomy data analysis, I wrote a VAX/VMS logout script - known as a "Command Procedure" in VMS parlance - that would clear my terminal screen then display an ASCII graphic of that spherical alien with a big smile but no nose or eyes, with his thumbs pressed against either side of his head and his fingers held up, that appears on the covers of all the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books.

I no longer have the original file, but Emacs has a nice mode for drawing ASCII graphics.  I'll draw it up again and post it, but not just yet as I really, really need to catch some ZZZs.

--
Mike Crawford for Clark County Commissioner
District 1 North County
mike@communard.org

Paid for by The Communard Party of Washington State


Eszet is a hard s sound, (none / 1) (#21)
by Wen Jian on Mon Nov 07, 2011 at 11:28:14 AM EST

It it originally a ligature of s and z, I think, as the name implies. It doesn't look like it to our Antiqua-influenced eyes, but remember that German speaker wrote in Fraktur-related scripts right up until Hitler banned the 'Schwabish jew-script'.
It was an experiment in lulz. - Rusty
[ Parent ]
moreover (2.91 / 12) (#6)
by Marvin Suggs on Sun Nov 06, 2011 at 01:50:28 AM EST

             /\
              |\/|
              |/\|
              |\/| *
              |/\| |
         _____|\/|_|________
        | ¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ |
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] |
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] |
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] |
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] |
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] |
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] |         .
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] |      
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] |           .
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] |    .
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] |        &
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] |   /  .  ;   .
        | [] [] [] |# [] /  | #  /  ,
        | [] [] [] [] [] # /  ,  .  ._
        | [] [] [] [] #] # /_______/  |
        | [] [] [] []  # []#  o o o o |]  ))))))))))))))
        | [] [] [] [] []  # |\  \_____-"
        | [] [] [] []  # [] |[\  \]
        | [] [] []  # #  # \   \  \  ;          ±
        | [] [] [] []  # [] |    ¯     #
        | [] [] [] [] [] [# |   .<          ~ ;
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] |         /.
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] |  $ /         #     #
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] |       ,
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] | o;-<
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] |     .     !  *
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] |        \
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] |
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] |     # o;-<
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] |             !
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] |       .
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] | o'-<       \
        | [] [] [] [] [] []/|      \           #
        | [] [] [] [] [] [] |           ,
        | [] [] [ :[] []/   |
        | :; ;] : ;[] ['    |      \
        | :;  ;  ;  : /     |
        / '::'::' :  /      ;               #
       |':::' '::'  /       |          .
       \   '::' _.-`;       ;           ,
       /`-..--;` ;  |       |        &  ..,  ,
      ;  ;  ;  ;  ; |       |           *'#,.* ,
      ; ;  ;  ; ;  ;        /        ,#$@&#$#£.#,
      |; ;  ;  ;  ;/       ;       #**-*   *  *-='.
      | ;  ;  ; ; /       /       .\               :
      |  ;   ;  /`      .\   _,&=&  \             .'
      \;  ; ; .'. _  ,_'\.\~"   //`. \          .'
      |  ;  .___~' \ \- | |    /,\ `  \      _.'
    ~ ; ; ;/  _,.-~'|`| | |       _,-''\..--'
    ~ /; ;/=""      |`| |`|    _="`
    ~..==`     \\   |`| / /_="`
     ~` ~      /,\ / /_,)")
    ~ ~~       _,.-)")
    ~ ~   _,=~"|
    ~  =~"|;  ;|       WTCbird
     ~  ~ | ;  |       =======
  ~ ~     |;|\ |
          |/  \|

<a href="http://dis.4chan.org/read/sjis/1281126214">REF</a>
<>|<>
   .0. gimme a bitcoin: 1M9vApgDo5Dw45Awfem75mrVtMJvaMKpjy

I am Penis Bird Guy (2.57 / 7) (#10)
by alevin on Sun Nov 06, 2011 at 11:05:00 AM EST

and I approve of this post.
--
alevin
[ Parent ]
Hellow New York! (3.00 / 3) (#14)
by Marvin Suggs on Sun Nov 06, 2011 at 07:58:44 PM EST


<>|<>
   .0. gimme a bitcoin: 1M9vApgDo5Dw45Awfem75mrVtMJvaMKpjy
[ Parent ]
New York (2.25 / 4) (#15)
by alevin on Sun Nov 06, 2011 at 08:38:46 PM EST

State and/or Metropolitan Area but not City. I need to clarify that on my site; I'm scheming on a new domain and site revamp so I'll address that.

I do work and attend mental illness treatment in City though and live quite nearby. Was born there also. Still, clarification was necessary; I'm a Long Island boy.

Holla.
--
alevin
[ Parent ]

for some reason I was wikipedia-ing (3.00 / 2) (#16)
by Marvin Suggs on Sun Nov 06, 2011 at 09:16:48 PM EST

'the hamptons' a while back and was surprised to find it so close to nyc. For some reason I envisioned it to be up near the canadian border and you could ski there.
Anyway, that along with goog earth gave me the impression that long island was a whole lot of sprawling anonymousness - the kind that seems to be necessary to counterbalance a place like nyc. I think I used to mix up long island and statten island, which I believe is closer(?) to the city.
<>|<>
   .0. gimme a bitcoin: 1M9vApgDo5Dw45Awfem75mrVtMJvaMKpjy
[ Parent ]
Points- (2.50 / 6) (#17)
by alevin on Sun Nov 06, 2011 at 09:36:07 PM EST

1) The Hamptons are on the far East end of Long Island. They are beaches and stuff like that on the shore for rich people to live and/or vacation at in their summer homes.

2) As by its name, L.I. is a long island. 125 miles long. To the west of the island are the five boroughs of New York City. Two of the boroughs (Queens and Brooklyn) are on the geographical island of Long Island, though in common language "Long Island" refers exclusively to the non-NYC parts of the island, the suburbs which is pretty much all Long Island is. In fact, Long Island is the birthplace of the first American suburb, and the prototype for all modern American suburbs to follow. You're welcome, America. Many people commute to NYC.

The remaining boroughs of NYC are spread out over two more islands-- Staten and Manhattan, and a bit on the US mainland (The Bronx, where the Yankees play). Manhattan is by far the most famous (the city's financial and cultural center and so on) but most people are unaware that its only one borough or piece of five of the city proper. Each has its own naming grid so 5th ave on one is not the same as 5th ave on another, etc.

Staten is kind of the ugly stepchild or something of the city, it's geographically isolated, more suburban in character, and tried to secede from the city but were unable to.

I live about one block outside the easternmost portion of the city, outside the borough of Queens, so I'm in Long Island.

There's actually a concrete line demarcating the border of the two counties. Clicky.

We are several hundred miles from the Canadian border. That portion of the state is Upstate New York. It gets very cold up there. Downstate, consisting of L.I. and NYC and a few of its northerly suburbs, is very different in character, demographics, and everything.

That should be all you need to know about my area for now.
--
alevin
[ Parent ]

You know the perception (3.00 / 2) (#25)
by Marvin Suggs on Tue Nov 08, 2011 at 12:14:09 AM EST

I often get is that (in general) the rest of the world -- western world at least -- knows so much about the US, but the US knows so much about the rest of the world.

I really like that cement line. More places should do thatddddddddddd.
<>|<>
   .0. gimme a bitcoin: 1M9vApgDo5Dw45Awfem75mrVtMJvaMKpjy
[ Parent ]

shit (3.00 / 2) (#26)
by Marvin Suggs on Tue Nov 08, 2011 at 12:15:25 AM EST

that was supposed to be 'the US knows so little about the rest of the world'.
<>|<>
   .0. gimme a bitcoin: 1M9vApgDo5Dw45Awfem75mrVtMJvaMKpjy
[ Parent ]
hmmm, let me guess (none / 1) (#34)
by cockskin horsesuit on Sun Nov 20, 2011 at 05:45:12 PM EST

been around that area quite a bit in the day.

Douglaston?

Floral Park?

Probably not Elmont?

God you're a posh motherfucker.

[ Parent ]

s/Douglaston/Great Neck (none / 1) (#35)
by cockskin horsesuit on Sun Nov 20, 2011 at 05:46:37 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Ding ding #2 (none / 1) (#36)
by alevin on Thu Nov 24, 2011 at 04:25:22 PM EST

Right on. Been an FP, LI resident for 26+ years except for a couple months away in a college dorm.

I frequent the area just north of town like Hillside ave and Union tpk; my treatment, volunteer job (Hollis, Queens--working towards getting a paying job), barber shop, favorite diner and other eateries are there. I exercise-walk on the Ave as well. I really like Queens better than Nassau, if nothing else for its more urban and anonymous/busy character than that it's part of NYC proper and my town is mainstream suburbia.

Of course you could have done a simple whois on my domain.
--
alevin
[ Parent ]

whois would have been too easy (none / 0) (#37)
by cockskin horsesuit on Sun Nov 27, 2011 at 10:49:48 PM EST

Jew name pretty much ruled out Elmont/Hempstead, geography rules out Five Towns, Levin's not Ashkenazi enough so no Great Neck, so FP is pretty much right on.

Agreed about Union Tpk/Hillside area, it's a nice mix, not too ghetto and you can get a good cheap eat whether you're in the mood for a good bagel or a good curry.

[ Parent ]

can you trust your johnson? (2.50 / 4) (#22)
by sye on Mon Nov 07, 2011 at 12:18:20 PM EST

NO tl;dr.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
commentary - For a better sye@K5
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ripple me ~~> ~allthingsgo: gateway to Garden of Perfect Brightess in CNY/BTC/LTC/DRK
rubbing u ~~> ~procrasti: getaway to HE'LL
Hey! at least he was in a stable relationship. - procrasti
enter K5 via Blastar.in

you know unlike most of what you (3.00 / 2) (#27)
by Marvin Suggs on Tue Nov 08, 2011 at 03:33:04 AM EST

post, that was actually really interesting. Not necessarily relevant to the topic at hand, but 4chan is littered with these people who are disturbed by the kinds of things that they can only get off on now.  Answers a lot of questions.
One of them being that I'm not really that addicted to porn becuase my pursuits have stayed pretty mundane.
<>|<>
   .0. gimme a bitcoin: 1M9vApgDo5Dw45Awfem75mrVtMJvaMKpjy
[ Parent ]
most of what I post is to stich dots for my sake (none / 1) (#29)
by sye on Tue Nov 08, 2011 at 07:31:38 AM EST

i have very limited leisure time to advance my own reaction to ideas floating around. In this world, mundane tasks fall 'naturally' over my head and buries me deep unlike you and most of johnsons.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
commentary - For a better sye@K5
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ripple me ~~> ~allthingsgo: gateway to Garden of Perfect Brightess in CNY/BTC/LTC/DRK
rubbing u ~~> ~procrasti: getaway to HE'LL
Hey! at least he was in a stable relationship. - procrasti
enter K5 via Blastar.in
[ Parent ]

+1 SP (2.00 / 2) (#24)
by b1t r0t on Mon Nov 07, 2011 at 07:01:23 PM EST

Needs more Open Sores.

-- Indymedia: the fanfiction.net of journalism.
further examples? (2.75 / 4) (#28)
by nostalgiphile on Tue Nov 08, 2011 at 07:21:32 AM EST

1.  
        _,-%/%|
                    _,-'    \//%\
                _,-'        \%/|%
              / /  )    __,--  /%\
             (__/_,-' %(%  ;  %)%
                       %\%,   %\
                          '--%'         TROLLAXOR

2.
      ___
     //     7
    (_,_  /\
     \    \   \
      \    \   \
       \    \   \  
       \     \   \__
    (   \             )
      \___\____/  
     s ss   ss s   ss              N0574

"Depending on your perspective you are an optimist or a pessimist[,] and a hopeless one too." --trhurler

Thank you sir. (none / 1) (#30)
by Trollaxor on Tue Nov 08, 2011 at 10:39:31 AM EST

Though it's too late to add your penes here, I will amend the story posted at http://www.trollaxor.com/.



[ Parent ]
8======D~~ (none / 0) (#33)
by nostalgiphile on Tue Nov 15, 2011 at 01:04:18 AM EST

This illustration helps us see the ASCI penis is far from dead and continues to evolve with the times.

"Depending on your perspective you are an optimist or a pessimist[,] and a hopeless one too." --trhurler
[ Parent ]
ASCII cock report filed. (2.00 / 2) (#31)
by nateo on Wed Nov 09, 2011 at 11:11:45 PM EST

You have seen emoticon tits, and asses.  Now it is
 time for you to take a gander at the Penises...

 8>          A Cold dick

 8==>       A Hot dick

 C(( )     Cave man dick (side view)

 ( .||. )   Tit screwing

 }           top view of a senior citizen's hard-on

 :-) -:      Smilie with an erection

 :-( :-      Impotent (Or let down).

 :-( -8      Blue balls.

 ;-) o==8   Braggart.

 :-\ 8o      After a cold shower.

 ;-) =8    Circumcised.

 8-O --*     Just before doubling over with pain.

 :-) -^-:    In need of some corrective surgery.

 :-) :-...   Taking a leak.

 :-} -oo-:   Taking matters into hand.

 :-o ^^:     After zipping up fly too fast.

 B=D         Short penis

 B~~D        Limp penis

 B=Q        Prince Albert penis

 ->          teeny pee pee

--
"I'm so gonna travel the world, photographing my dick at every location."
  - Vampire Zombie Abu Musab al Zarqawi

No history of the ASCII penis... (2.00 / 2) (#32)
by Pnarp on Thu Nov 10, 2011 at 09:28:55 AM EST

...would be complete without mentioning the contributions of Parndiddle McForsterbaster, the tiniest man alive, who allegedly lived his entire life on the head of a pin. Parndiddle worked long and hard, toiling away for days trying to come up with the smallest ASCII penis, and, after many more long and hard hours slaving away in front of his computer (did I mention that they were long and hard?), he came up with the ultimate in ASCII micropenisry:

8=D

For this he was awarded the Golden Phallus in 2009 and, with the $20,000 in prize money in hand, went on to construct a number of other highly tiny ASCII penises:

8==D 8===D 8====D

The rest, they say, is history.

∼ Phillip Norbert Årp
Powered by the love of the voluptuous insect goddess, Strahazazhia Kalamazoo-Kintaki-Meeps, She of the six-legged delights.


✿✿✿ Pnårp’s docile & perfunctory page! ✿✿✿
   ❝It’s docile! It’s perfunctory! It’s phlogistically fantastical! But… is it one of those blog things?❞
    All wrights preserved. No purchase estuary. Lawn gnomes not included. You won’t be disconcerted. Deployed where prohibited by snore.

❤   Pnrp learned this week that the world was still here. Will it ever end?

[ Current entry | Random entry ]
A Brief History of the ASCII Penis | 37 comments (23 topical, 14 editorial, 0 hidden)
Display: Sort:

kuro5hin.org

[XML]
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective companies. The Rest 2000 - Present Kuro5hin.org Inc.
See our legalese page for copyright policies. Please also read our Privacy Policy.
Kuro5hin.org is powered by Free Software, including Apache, Perl, and Linux, The Scoop Engine that runs this site is freely available, under the terms of the GPL.
Need some help? Email help@kuro5hin.org.
My heart's the long stairs.

Powered by Scoop create account | help/FAQ | mission | links | search | IRC | YOU choose the stories!