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A Brief History of OggFrog Hosting

By osm in Internet
Tue Oct 01, 2013 at 09:28:02 AM EST
Tags: crawfail, crawfoad (all tags)

OggFrog hosting is one of today's dwindling internet success stories. In a saturated market, Michael Crawford has showed how brilliance, creativity, hard work and homelessness can set a man above all others. While books are written and movies made in an endless stream detailing the greatness of Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg and Sergey Brin, the quiet genius of Michael Crawford has been virtually ignored. In this Essay for All Humanity, I seek to correct this gross oversight.


The story of OggFrog hosting begins in a failing coffee shop somewhere in Washington state. Crawford sat with me at his regular table, leeching free wifi, as he lamented the loss of his PRQ server:

They wanted to shut off my server due to lack of payment. Mom was being a bitch about giving me more money because I wouldn't take out the trash. I sent PRQ several essays, which should have been more than enough to cover payment. They rejected that offer. Probably because they can't speak English. Then I pulled the ace from my sleeve. I told them about my dad who was in the Navy. How he fought in both world wars and if it wasn't for him, they'd be speaking German now. Obviously, that entitles me to free hosting. They didn't see it that way and cut off my access immediately.

Without a home for his essays, Crawford had to come up with a solution quickly. The future of the entire human race rested on his essays being available on the internet. Crawford continued his story.

I had to do something. I was in this very coffee shop wondering how I would get my essays reliably into the hands of All Humanity. The very future of mankind depended on it. I'm absolutely serious. Then I realized, "Hey, I have free internet access right here... I have an old Commodore 64 at home running Haiku that I've been using to store my porn collection. I have everything I need to start my own hosting service!"

Crawford stealthily acquired a napkin from the coffee shop and used a pen he stole from the cashier to draw a Feynman diagram of his new venture:

USER -------> OGGFROG HOSTING ------> ????QUANTUM UNCERTAINTY???? --------> MAYBE INTERNET??

This diagram proved my idea was viable. I went home, got the C64 and put a wifi card in it, then hid it in the bathroom here. I realized I could make a few extra dollars offering free hosting to others. The rest, as they say, is history.

Crawford took me to the men's room stall where his C64 purred away, hidden under a pile of used toilet paper. I intended to interview him a bit more, but he insisted that I give him a blowjob in the men's stall and I left before he could rape me with his giant, throbbing Crawcock.

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A Brief History of OggFrog Hosting | 13 comments (12 topical, 1 editorial, 0 hidden)
HARD HITTING AND INSIGHTFUL, +1 FP $ (3.00 / 2) (#1)
by HackerCracker on Sun Sep 29, 2013 at 11:01:54 AM EST



WOW DUDE YOU ARE SO FUNNY (none / 0) (#3)
by HackerCracker on Sun Sep 29, 2013 at 11:28:24 AM EST

I USED TO HATE YOU BECAUSE YOU ZEROED MY COMMENTS BUT MAN WITH COMMENTS LIKE THAT - DUDE, LOL!!!!! - YOU'RE A FUCKING HILARIOUS PERSON BRIMMING WITH AUTISTIC PERSONALITY!!! KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND KEEP UP THE LOLS

lol (3.00 / 3) (#4)
by greengrass on Sun Sep 29, 2013 at 01:46:11 PM EST



but who will maintain the commodore (3.00 / 3) (#5)
by Del Griffith on Sun Sep 29, 2013 at 08:52:31 PM EST

64, once the great cream bandit is apprehended?

Surely the world cannot sit idly by while another quart of the creamy goodness is stolen!

something must be done!

the people of portland demand it!

-------
I...I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. Because I'm the real article. What you see is what you get. - Me


he probably left instructions with (3.00 / 4) (#6)
by osm on Sun Sep 29, 2013 at 09:03:09 PM EST

several dead relatives. if he goes missing, they'll know what to do.

--------
4thelulz.org
[ Parent ]

poor little guy (none / 1) (#11)
by osm on Tue Oct 01, 2013 at 04:22:49 PM EST

if only mom would get off your back and let you rock!

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4thelulz.org
[ Parent ]

Shit Mike (none / 0) (#12)
by Riddick on Wed Oct 02, 2013 at 03:39:19 PM EST

Flash drives don't store data in the long term only the short term.

You should have backed up to a hard drive instead, and then removed it from your Macbook or iMac and then stored it somewhere safe.

Either that or use Dropbox, Box, Skydrive, Google Drive, or some other services to keep them backed up online.

Any open source stuff should be saved in Github, SourceForge or some other website and yes they allow private source code databases.

Your sister Becky most likely erased those flash drives and put her lesbian porn collection on them to give to her friends. You'd better call her and find out, ask her to copy those Flash drives to a directory named Mike on her Macbook or something before they bitrot away.

[ Parent ]

Junis will do it. He good with networked c64s$ (none / 0) (#10)
by mirko on Tue Oct 01, 2013 at 10:35:34 AM EST


--
Finally I managed to make the decision that I would work on it. - MDC
we had to huddle together - trane
[ Parent ]
admit it (3.00 / 3) (#7)
by nateo on Mon Sep 30, 2013 at 04:07:59 PM EST

in the name of content for this dead website, you actually took the crawcock in that bathroom.

and we thank you for it.

--
"I'm so gonna travel the world, photographing my dick at every location."
  - Vampire Zombie Abu Musab al Zarqawi

this my friends is a bridge too far (none / 1) (#13)
by /dev/trash on Thu Oct 03, 2013 at 08:37:28 PM EST

  1.  a C64 can't do a Wifi card.
  2.  really?  in a bathroom, that's never ever cleaned?
  3.  I've a feeling that this Crawford dude is not even real.
  4.  IPv6 is the wave of the future.


---
Updated 02/20/2004
New Site
lol (none / 0) (#14)
by osm on Thu Oct 03, 2013 at 10:16:31 PM EST

  1. crawford can MAKE it do wifi
  2. REALLY
  3. you may have a point there
  4. CRAWFORD IS THE WAVE OF THE FUTURE

--------
4thelulz.org
[ Parent ]

1. it actually can, sorta. (none / 1) (#15)
by k31 on Sun Oct 13, 2013 at 01:33:48 PM EST

You can use various methods to get an Ethernet interface to a C64, and from there connect it to a Wi-Fi thingy or cable modem or whatever to get onto Teh Internets.

Your dollar is you only Word, the wrath of it your only fear. He who has an EAR to hear....
[ Parent ]
A Brief History of OggFrog Hosting | 13 comments (12 topical, 1 editorial, 0 hidden)
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