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2004 Asshole of the Year Awards.

By Psycho Dave in Media
Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 03:01:29 AM EST
Tags: News (all tags)

As 2004 comes to a close, it's time to consider the year's most vile, dimwitted, and disgusting personalities.

The nominees are...

Karl Rove

The very thought of George W. Bush is enough to get the most pacifist, tree-hugging liberal barking like a rabid dog. But for all the hate he inspires, he's but a figurehead; the mere representation of a system that props him up. The "Mayberry Machiavelli" is the man behind the man. Whether it's riling up God-fearing, homophobic Red Staters straight to the voting booth or managing to make every Vietnam vet who has run against his coke-snorting, draft-dodging boss look like a traitor, Rove is a force that inspires as much awe as he does disgust.

Michael Moore

Though he dresses like a blue collar slob from Michigan, in the black-is-white/day-is-night mentality of this odd year, Moore is the representation of elitist liberal Hollywood at its most braindead. Even those inclined to support his views cringe at the notion that Iraq was a paradise of children flying kites before America showed up. Moore is the liberal even liberals would like to shut up.

Scott Peterson

You've just been sentenced to death...Merry fucking Christmas. Now if we can just get Larry King and Greta Van Susteren to shut the fuck up about your case, my life will be complete.

Michael Jackson

What more can I say? Jacko needs to have a serious talk with R. Kelly's people when it comes to damage control. Guilty or not guilty, I think prison would be good for Michael. A couple of years of lifting weights inside, he'd come out ripped, change his name to something like Michael Al Shareez Bin Faisal like his Nation of Islam buddies suggested, get some prison tattoos, cornrows, and maybe record a single with Fiddy Cent that would go to number one with the suburban gangsta set. I know I'd like to see it.

Lynndie England

Operation Iraqi Freedom is quickly turning into America's first feminist war. 2003 gave us Pvt. Jessica Lynch, America's Prisoner of War sweetheart. 2004 brings us Pvt. England, our generation's Lt. Calley. Despite looking like the product of mating too close to the gene pool, Pvt. England singlehandedly gave the Arab world a new excuse to strap on some dynamite and blast themselves to their seventy-two virgins (all, hopefully better looking than Ms. England.) Like Pvt. Lynch, there are apparently nude photos of her floating around out there. Unlike Pvt. Lynch, I will not be jerking off to them.

Jesus "The Christ"

Jesus has licensed his name to some pretty dubious stuff in the past, but this year he went off the deep end. First, he licensed the rights to his story to Mel Gibson, begetting the $670 million dollar grossing, highly revered, and thoroughly mediocre The Passion of the Christ, inspiring millions of Christians to believe that a movie about a man being flayed to death by cackling Jews was somehow "beautiful". Then he allied himself with the Republican Party, Wal Mart, Toby Keith, and Ford pickups with gunracks in them to help George W. Bush win his first election. Hopefully this means the rapture is coming soon and he will be taking his fellow assholes with him.

Jessica Simpson

I was about to put Britney Spears in this slot, but all her drinking, loser boyfriend blowing, snorting coke off a toilet seat antics kinda sorta of humanized her for me. Where the Brit's career is currently being subsidized by flaming gay men, Ms. Simpson keeps stretching her fifteen minutes because of ex-frat boy Maxim subscribers. Get it straight guys, she's not that hot. I prefer her lipsyncing sister Ashlee because she looks good without a nose job. Plus, she's quite possibly dumber than Paris Hilton.

The scumbag who shot Dimebag Darrell

The nineties were a depressing time for metal. From Metallica's Black Album to the retarded "rap-metal" stylings of Limp Bizkit, headbangers had a hard time in the Alternative Nation. Pantera and its guitar mastermind Dimebag filled that void. One Mark David Chapman wannabe destroyed it. Fuck you. Be he in Heaven (or more likely Hell), I hope wherever Dimebag is, I hope the beer, bud, and bitches are plentiful.

Vladimir Putin

Growing up at the ass end of the Cold War, the Russian leaders I remember were all fairly innocuous. Gorbechev with his funky birthmark and glastnost. Boris Yeltsin is probably the only world leader who would be fun to get drunk with. Putin comes along, and even though he's ex-KGB, he seems to be another in a good streak of West Friendly Russian politicians. Wrong. For all the whining Americans do about Dubya rolling back our constitutional rights, he has on nothing Vlad, the Peristroika Impaler. Whether it's cracking down on Chechnyans, taking over Yukos Oil, or injecting his political opponents with those leftover stores of Dioxin, Putin has pulled a "War on Terror" apeshit that makes the most fascist neo-con look like Anne of Green Gables.

"The Donald"

Bush's cabinet resembles "The Apprentice" boardroom more and more. The people you root for get fired while the idiots inexplicably keep showing up week after week. Donald Rumsfeld's head should have been the first on the block when it came to post-election house cleaning, but as in business, asskissers rise to the top. Even though our soldiers hate him since he still hasn't gotten around to equipping the troops with, say, armor after being in Iraq for nearly two years, "The Donald" has yet to hear the words, "You're fired". I suppose this catergory can also include the other Donald, who despite having bad hair, a trophy wife, and bankrupt casinos, is still considered the ultimate business guru.

Psycho Dave (and all the other dipshit "bloggers")

Despite his having no experience in the realm of world affairs; despite having not taken so much as a political science course at a community college; despite the fact that his taste in art runs towards velvet Elvis paintings and he's only really funny when he's crapping his pants drunk, Psycho Dave and his fellow (ugh,) "netizens" feel qualified to comment on every sort of topic that slides through the ADD ravaged minds. They suffer from the delusion that since they are glued to CNN, Fox, and Google News they somehow know more than the average citizen. So, the "blogosphere" caught Dan Rather, once? Was the story of GWB's coke and draft-dodging days all the important anyway? Plus: people who use words like "netizen" or "blogosphere" are not qualified to write.

Please vote for your (least) favorite choice, or feel free to write in your own below. Let the venting begin!


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Asshole of the Year?
o Karl Rove 34%
o Michael Moore 7%
o Scott Peterson 1%
o Michael Jackson 1%
o Lynndie England 8%
o Jesus 14%
o Jessica Simpson 0%
o Dimebag Darrel's killer 5%
o Vladimir Putin 7%
o The Donalds 9%
o Psycho Dave 7%

Votes: 413
Results | Other Polls

Related Links
o Google
o Also by Psycho Dave

Display: Sort:
2004 Asshole of the Year Awards. | 149 comments (126 topical, 23 editorial, 0 hidden)
Logical Conclusion (2.45 / 11) (#1)
by Peahippo on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 04:35:10 AM EST

Brilliant. Just brilliant. However, all your choices were so noxious, so despressingly slimy, that I found myself unable to choose.

Therefore, following the script the Democrats have been running for years, it must be Nader's fault.

not a stellar year (2.70 / 10) (#3)
by BottleRocket on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 06:39:32 AM EST

We keep churning out winners. I'm glad this country is going to hell.

Normally, I would vote for Karl Rove. But I might get another chance to vote for him, and I'll probably never get another chance to vote for Lynndie "Just Following Orders" England. Lynndie, you've painted a bullseye on all of us. Even if you were hot, you wouldn't have been worth it.

Missing entrants are:

  • Diebold Inc. for delivering on that promise about Ohio
  • Donald Rumsfeld who's still around even though he hasn't done anything right yet
  • John Kerry for being zombielike
  • Martha Stewart cuz that plug she got when she was being led to jail destroyed my faith in humanity
Fuggit. I'm going to bed.

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Yes I do download [child pornography], but I don't keep it any longer than I need to, so it can yield insight as to how to find more. --MDC
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Elaborate on the Martha Stewart plug, plskthx /nt (none / 0) (#5)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 07:34:06 AM EST

"What's next, sigging a k5er quote about sigging someone on k5?"

[ Parent ]
re: Elaborate (none / 1) (#14)
by BottleRocket on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 11:45:19 AM EST

Read the article and transcript of here statement outside the courthouse here

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Yes I do download [child pornography], but I don't keep it any longer than I need to, so it can yield insight as to how to find more. --MDC
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[ Parent ]

Umm (none / 1) (#17)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 01:09:19 PM EST

that's the very least I'd expect from a high-ranking official in any company who's goig to prison for the crime she committed to do. She was courteous, humble, didn't give any excuses or bullshit, and tried to make sure that the company would be treated separate from her person (as little as that is possible in this case). If anything, that statement reinforced my (feeble) belief in humanity.

So I don't see what's wrong with her statement. Do you just hate capitalism or Martha Stewart?

"What's next, sigging a k5er quote about sigging someone on k5?"

[ Parent ]
Re: courteous & humble Martha (1.00 / 2) (#33)
by BottleRocket on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 04:59:18 PM EST

I'm going to put my own email up after this. I won't make Steve Ballmer collect any more of my spam. If you have further comments, feel free to contact me.

Behind that cuddly homemaker that middle aged housewives see her as, Martha Stewart is an ice-queen. The insider trading scandals, of which she was just a small part, wasn't just confined to her own little pastel microcosm. She leeched off the pensions of thousands of people, knowing perfectly well what would happen to them afterwards. As she was being led to (the poolside condo that the media termed) prison, She used it as an excuse to appeal to her base for more money.

didn't give any excuses or bullshit

While it's true that she didn't give excuses, her little free commercial stunt *was* an exercise in bullshit. I think she still says she's innocent, which is perfect crap.

So to answer your question, I don't hate capitalism, or at least I don't hate economic competition. And yes I hate Martha Stewart. P.S- This morning I found out she's going to get her own reality tv show soon, so that's one more reason.

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Yes I do download [child pornography], but I don't keep it any longer than I need to, so it can yield insight as to how to find more. --MDC
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[ Parent ]

Ah (none / 0) (#39)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 07:11:30 PM EST

I agree with pretty much everything you said. I don't know the specifics of the case (nor do I care) but what I've heard is exactly what you described. In retrospect I shouldn't have used the word 'no bullshit' to describe her statement.

A true American icon.

"What's next, sigging a k5er quote about sigging someone on k5?"

[ Parent ]
The Donald (none / 1) (#61)
by mpalczew on Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 06:02:54 PM EST

Donald wasn't trump it was rummy.
-- Death to all Fanatics!
[ Parent ]
That's an interesting view... (2.70 / 10) (#4)
by Uber Banker on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 06:43:38 AM EST

...into the priorities of your mind.

But to make a story of it either some massive editing please. Where are the likes of Robert Mugabe, Yanukovich's dodgy poisoning, the boss of Diebold "I will take any measure possible to help the republicans win" and the many many others? Until a long stay in the edit queue is done this is better a diary entry.

Nominations: Bob Dylan, Robert DeNiro, Godzilla... (2.21 / 14) (#8)
by fenix down on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 08:15:42 AM EST

...and whoever else whored themselves out to sell a product far, far beneath them this year.

--Bob Dylan
Hey, yeah, let's sell overpriced, shoddily-made underpants to slutty 12 year-old girls on the shoulders of overintellectualized folk music and the grim, soft-focused visage of a 60 year-old Jew in a Vincent Price mustache.  And hell, at the same time, we can associate a guy who inspired an anarchosocialist terrorist organization with the revolutionary concept that affixing styrafoam pigeon wings to bulimic women makes them sexy.

--Robert DeNiro
DeNiro at least had the decency to make a sequel to Analyze This first, so as to warn us that he'd completely lost his fucking mind, but really, you don't exploit 9/11 in a weak parody of Martin Scorcese's good years scored to an equally pathetic attempt at Philip Glass's Koyaanisqatsi to sell credit cards to an economy buckling under crippling personal debt and expect to get off on an insanity plea.

I know American celebrities do that kind of thing in Japan, but shit, even Sean fucking Connery doesn't sell fucking diarrhea when he goes through the Japan leg of his Asian sex tours.  "And if you'll just look at the script, the King of All Monsters will be playing the role of the loose feces, bile, and semidigested fluids churning around in this stupid bitch's diseased colon. Ok, big guy, your motivation is a severe inflamation caused by a combination of parasitic worms and a vigorous session of rough anal sex with a Mexican poolboy, now, ACTION!"

Oh, right, and
--Jesus Christ
For participating the continuing campaign to sell the ridiculous idea that Mel Gibson is anything but a vacuous, formerly-handsome action-comedy lump that was supplanted in every field he was any good at by the even more vacuous Russell Crowe years ago.

Mel's other problem ... (none / 0) (#20)
by Peahippo on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 01:21:29 PM EST

... was that he didn't make Jim Caviezel look enough like the greasy little Arab that Jesus must have been. I guess we're lucky Mel didn't actually cast Neal McDonough, in fulfillment of that strange blond-and-blue-eyed Christian thang that has been running around for many years.

Would somebody please translate my message into Aramaic for Mel to read? kthxbye

[ Parent ]
I'm not even on the list?! (1.50 / 6) (#10)
by cburke on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 10:07:03 AM EST

Damnit, I have to try harder next year!

What did you do? [nt] (none / 0) (#21)
by Peahippo on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 01:22:22 PM EST

[ Parent ]
Not enough, obviously. (none / 0) (#57)
by cburke on Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 12:27:04 PM EST

But I didn't know there was going to be an award ceremony.  Then again, with competitors like this it's going to be hard.  I'm pretty sure I can beat out any Simpson, but Putin and Rove are hard-core assholes.

[ Parent ]
+1 Good Group (1.57 / 7) (#12)
by Stinky Bottoms on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 10:33:17 AM EST

Especially the metal commentary.  Just when things are getting good again, some maniac shoots an icon.

I NOMINATE JAMES A C JOYCE. (1.42 / 14) (#15)
by Tod Friendly on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 12:37:44 PM EST


lol what (1.28 / 7) (#29)
by Your Moms Cock on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 03:49:18 PM EST

Mountain Dew cans. Cat hair. Comic book posters. Living with the folks. Are these our future leaders, our intellectual supermen?

[ Parent ]
Isn't that the person who wrote The Bicameral mind (none / 0) (#31)
by prolixity on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 04:03:00 PM EST

Or rather: The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind?
[ Parent ]
Julian Jaynes (3.00 / 3) (#41)
by KnightStalker on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 07:36:37 PM EST

James Joyce wrote Ulysses and numerous other attacks on the English language.

[ Parent ]
I don't object... (2.50 / 2) (#28)
by NoMoreNicksLeft on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 03:31:28 PM EST

To Bush being nominated. However, don't you think it's time the man got the lifetime achievement award? Yes, he's young, and yes, Arafat is the posthumous front-runner, but goddammit, he deserved the nomination.

Also, this really needs to be categorized. Celebrity/politicians/etc.

Do not look directly into laser with remaining good eye.

Vladimir, easily! (nt) (2.33 / 3) (#30)
by tetsuwan on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 03:51:15 PM EST

Njal's Saga: Just like Romeo & Juliet without the romance

braindead (2.74 / 27) (#32)
by Morkney on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 04:48:44 PM EST

you seem just to be repeating the smears that others have used against these people, with no original content whatsoever, and no critical appraisal of these smears.

Take Karl Rove for example. Certainly one prominent theory is that Karl Rove is a genius of propaganda and the brains behind the Bush outfit. He has certainly run some ruthless campaigns for Bush. But is it his sheer genius that makes his vile smears stick? How intelligent does one have to be to make baseless accusations? There are other possible sources of the problem.

Personally, I think his smear campaigns worked so well because he has such a wonderful echo chamber right now in America. If he just says something ugly in a commercial, the news media will start mentioning it, people will talk about it by the water cooler, and bloggers and columnists will write braindead pieces which take his smears as fact.

After all, how much effort can it possibly take to destroy someone's image, say Michael Moore's, when statements like "Though he dresses like a blue collar slob from Michigan, in the black-is-white/day-is-night mentality of this odd year, Moore is the representation of elitist liberal Hollywood at its most braindead," go essentially unquestioned by a pundit class which doesn't care about facts? Did Michael Moore really come from a blue-collar background? Does he really act like an elitist? Who cares! It makes a good soundbite to say he does.

Sure, perhaps this laziness is allowed in pieces which are not particularly serious. If you're just on some silly venue like the internet, or "Crossfire," or whatever, what harm does it do to mention that Kerry seems a bit French? The real analysis can be left to those pundits who write careful, meticulously researched, in-depth articles. You know, the ones in, uh, The New York Times or something. It's not our responsibility to make democracy work - we're just citizens.

I nominate Markos Moulitsas y Zúniga (2.04 / 22) (#36)
by Lode Runner on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 06:45:54 PM EST

and all the folks here who've worked so hard this past year to turn K5 into a extension of dailykos. You'd think we were the spin-off. . .

Granted, in the grand scheme dKos doesn't really matter -- the election proved that, but its influence certainly hasn't been healthy for this community. Remember when comments critical of the Left weren't censored? Remember when we had actual debates? Remember when people here weren't afraid to call Michael Moore a demagogue?

pissing on a house fire (none / 0) (#44)
by demi on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 08:28:15 PM EST

Whatever ratings used to mean, they mean even less now. No comments are censored anymore, except to non-registered visitors. It strains the imagination to wonder what this site now looks like to those outside of the circle jerk.

And who cares about Kos, or ever did, seriously? Sure, he got a few column inches in the G_rdian, but Andrew Sullivan and Glenn Reynolds appear on Meet the Press, Wonkette got a book deal from Hyperion, even Charles Johnson got his 15 minutes and then some... The election was, well, one of those 'Message From God' type of things for the Kossacks.

K5 seems to be pretty much a troll site now, with a healthy percentage of the trolls being brits or subjects of their more recent vassal states. That more or less explains the partisan mod bombing I think.

[ Parent ]

re: Commonwealth trolling (1.50 / 2) (#64)
by Lode Runner on Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 09:59:47 PM EST

I blame the nanny state, and socialized healthcare in particular. It's far worse on the Continent but the language barrier shields K5 from the brunt.

[ Parent ]
Why you get modded down, Lode Runner (1.20 / 5) (#48)
by shinshin on Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 12:12:48 AM EST

Remember when comments critical of the Left weren't censored? Remember when we had actual debates?

Your comments aren't rated down because you are critical of the Left. Your comments are rated down because you are a liar.

We believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons --Dick Cheney, Meet the Press, March 16, 2003
[ Parent ]
again, (none / 1) (#58)
by Lode Runner on Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 12:45:37 PM EST

your argument isn't as watertight as you think it is. I mean, your ultimate "evidence" is the Amazon.com sign-in page, for crying out loud!

[ Parent ]
Awww... (none / 0) (#59)
by CanSpice on Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 01:42:31 PM EST

It's so sweet when kurobots fight.

[ Parent ]
when Kurobots bite--not fight, but bite /nt (none / 1) (#65)
by Lode Runner on Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 10:01:38 PM EST

[ Parent ]
When faced with a log in page... (none / 1) (#66)
by shinshin on Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 11:09:59 PM EST

... log in, look at page 88, and observe that it does not say what you claimed, over and over, that it said.

We believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons --Dick Cheney, Meet the Press, March 16, 2003
[ Parent ]
let me get this straight. . . (1.50 / 2) (#72)
by Lode Runner on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 04:09:04 AM EST

handing personal info over to Jeff Bezos is the only way to proceed in this conversation? That's absolutely frickin' brilliant!

"Sure, I have proof! Just give Microsoft your credit card info and you'll see it too!" I should've thought of this years ago!

[ Parent ]

You don't need to do that (none / 1) (#84)
by shinshin on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 12:13:13 PM EST

I don't particularly care if you do it. You already know that you are lying.

I provided it as a reference for anyone else who might be interested in knowing whether or not you are a liar.

We believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons --Dick Cheney, Meet the Press, March 16, 2003
[ Parent ]

those of us unwilling (1.00 / 3) (#88)
by Lode Runner on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 03:35:03 PM EST

to become tools of Amazon.com will never know if you have a case. I, for one, won't give you the benefit of the doubt.

Anyway, this whole disucssion is immaterial to my argument re Kos.

[ Parent ]

And those of us who have trash email accounts... (none / 0) (#94)
by cburke on Wed Dec 22, 2004 at 01:47:15 AM EST

and thus aren't afraid of the Bezos Boogieman can see that the link to the page in question in that other thread doesn't work.  You have to search for Stalinism to find page 98, adding another ten seconds to the time it takes to see that he's lying.

But it was almost amusing enough to justify wasting the twenty seconds on.  At least it makes the shrill denials more hilarious.

[ Parent ]

sockpuppets are so usenet (none / 0) (#98)
by Lode Runner on Wed Dec 22, 2004 at 01:16:57 PM EST

If you're going to use multiple accounts, shinny, at least try to do something interesting with them.

[ Parent ]
Hilarity. (none / 0) (#99)
by cburke on Wed Dec 22, 2004 at 02:15:14 PM EST

I don't care about your tiff with shinny or know what it is about but I do find it amusing when someone is proven to be full of crap and won't admit it no matter how apparent.  The particularly funny thing is I never would have bothered to look if you hadn't tried to prevent people from looking with your "fear the registration!" defense.  Sounded a little too desperate to me.

If I were you, I'd just ignore him completely rather than drawing attention that can only encourage people to check out your story.  Then again, you're obviously amusing yourself and amusing me as well, so carry on.

[ Parent ]

a word of advice: (none / 0) (#100)
by Lode Runner on Wed Dec 22, 2004 at 03:43:37 PM EST

you'll find that it's more effective to vary the personalities a bit--like how I do. You've got the "dKos whiner" down pat, and now it's time to diversify. This site badly needs a cynical tory. . .

Finally, Amazon's given you the wrong edition, but don't let that discourage you.

[ Parent ]

What's the "right" edition then? (nt) (none / 0) (#101)
by cburke on Wed Dec 22, 2004 at 05:14:06 PM EST

Please keep it up.  You're killing me.

[ Parent ]
the '98 paperback, berk; (none / 0) (#105)
by Lode Runner on Wed Dec 22, 2004 at 10:54:38 PM EST

aka not the one featured on the amazon's "look inside," which appears to some other edition, perhaps a review copy or something.

[ Parent ]
That's weird (none / 0) (#106)
by cburke on Wed Dec 22, 2004 at 11:28:27 PM EST

It says "Updated Edition with New Introduction, 1998" and "(c) 1989" in the "look inside" feature.  Why would they scan a review copy?

[ Parent ]
No offense (2.07 / 14) (#43)
by godix on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 08:05:30 PM EST

but I had to choose you. Not because of you in particular, but because of the 'and all the other dipshit "bloggers"' part. Between DailyKOS, Free Republic, Indymedia, and K5 itself I'm astounded the term 'new media' isn't a synonym for 'fucking morons' yet. Really all these sites have ever accomplished is to make Fox News actually look somewhat fair and balanced in comparison.

"Yeah, we rocked the vote all right. Those little bastards betrayed us again."
- Hunter S. Thompson on the 2004 election.
I love Faux News (none / 0) (#103)
by Karl Rove OBrien on Wed Dec 22, 2004 at 06:17:53 PM EST

Like the British news media, they do not attempt to hide their biases ("fair and balanced" my ass!). When you watch Faux News, you know exactly what their agenda is and why they report the way they report.

That does, alas, reduce their impact elsewhere, in that people who do not have the same agenda look elsewhere for their news. But news media which pretend to be "unbiased" are merely confusing. Lack of bias is impossible. Human organisms are not made that way. All reporting is filtered through the unconcious biases and prejudices of the reporter involved. I would rather have it written truthfully, with those biases clear to all, than have purportedly "unbiased" reporting that is, at best, self-deception on the part of the reporter.

- Karl
If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face -- forever
[ Parent ]

bias? (none / 1) (#111)
by thejeff on Fri Dec 24, 2004 at 08:40:06 AM EST

I love this argument. Nothing can be completely unbiased, therefore no attempt should be made to minimize bias.

[ Parent ]
Write-in: trhurler (1.36 / 11) (#46)
by Torka on Sun Dec 19, 2004 at 11:16:47 PM EST

UMMMMMMMMMMM (1.76 / 13) (#47)
by Jason the Mathematical Solo Guitarist on Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 12:08:02 AM EST

like, ron artest, lol

In a math sense this sig is just applied group theory: what we are talking about is the decomposition of the direct product of 2 irreducible representations of the rotation group into a direct sum of irreducible representations

Doh, shoulda included that one. (none / 0) (#50)
by Psycho Dave on Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 02:12:17 AM EST

Feel free to write one up yourself.

[ Parent ]
WIPO: Your Moms Cock (1.00 / 28) (#49)
by Jason The Homosexual Homo Pederast on Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 12:54:01 AM EST

You may not know where to put it all. taht's okei Jiiiiizzzzus ChRiouste I'm dunrk

What do you have against Michael Jackson? (2.00 / 8) (#51)
by FreeBSD on Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 02:12:53 AM EST

He rules.

If, by "rules", you mean... (2.27 / 11) (#71)
by OhMyFingG on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 03:42:01 AM EST

fellates young boys, then yes. He rules. He rules hard.

"What kind of fucking retard are you?" - My Dad
[ Parent ]
So? (1.50 / 2) (#118)
by valeko on Sat Dec 25, 2004 at 03:31:07 AM EST

He's the King of Pop.

"Hey, what's sanity got going for it anyways?" -- infinitera, on matters of the heart
[ Parent ]

And You. (1.30 / 10) (#52)
by The Amazing Idiot on Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 02:16:02 AM EST


My asshole is the asshole of the year! (1.00 / 24) (#54)
by Poopy Peanutz on Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 07:23:25 AM EST

Despite my lack of personal hygiene, I keep my asshole very clean. Like Courtney Cox, I dab some bleach on it everyday. Even though bleach irritates the skin on my asshole, it also feels erotic and I get a hard on all day from it.

I've been working my way up to inserting things in it. Now, let me reiterate POOPY AINT GAY. I don't want cocks in my asshole. And I haven't stretched to goatse size proportions, but I have done the hamster. The trick is to not wrap it in too much duct tape or it just feels like a big plastic wad in your ass. You have to give it room to wiggle and squirm. It is most intense at first when the hamster is struggling to breathe and at the end when it goes through its death rattle. Don't leave it in there too long after it dies. I know I usually like to take a nap after I jerk off, but if you leave it in there more than three hours, it starts to rot and then your asshole doesn't smell so nice and you have to bleach it again.

the most hated man on K5...

"Letters" story might just get my vote (1.40 / 5) (#55)
by rhdntd on Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 10:05:47 AM EST

"Donald" has been too good to sign letters to families of war casualties, I just read.  I might think again about who on the list is most hated, but for just being an asshole ...

"book chicks really seem to like anal"
  — Lady 3Jane
How about Visa? (2.66 / 3) (#56)
by duffbeer703 on Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 11:40:47 AM EST

For turning Dean Martin into a zombie peddling "Visa Signature" cards? That's pretty low.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! (none / 1) (#69)
by OhMyFingG on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 03:40:09 AM EST


"What kind of fucking retard are you?" - My Dad
[ Parent ]
Missing one... (2.13 / 15) (#60)
by HardwareLust on Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 01:50:02 PM EST

Put Bush on that list, and I'll vote +1FP.  Otherwise it isn't worth my vote, since the one person on the earth that most deserves this award isn't on the list to begin with.

The editors of Time magazine should also be added to the list while you are at it.

In it's current state, -1.

If you disagree, POST, don't moderate!

OMG j00 r s0 l4me (2.60 / 5) (#62)
by mpalczew on Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 06:08:41 PM EST

Karl Rove,  
  Some politcal jackass.  Wouldn't be all that special if Rednecks weren't so dumb.

Michael Moore,
  The lefts answer to Rush et al.  There was a void, someone had to fill it.

Scott Peterson,
  ok he killed his wife, yess definetly an ass, but what makes him worse than all the other murdererers.  

Michael Jackson
  He made thriller!!!

Lynndie England
  And she is worse than all those other torturers. I doubt it, she is just a stupid scapegoat.  The real blame is with Rumsfeld, or Bush. Or someone much higher up.

  He may have been an asshole some time around 0, or whenever.  But after 2004 years of being dead, I doubt he should be an asshole of the year.

Jessica Simpson
  I have no idea who this is, and I don't care.

Dimebag Darrel's killer
  This just shows are lack of care or understanding for those with mental problems.  This guy was a diagnosed schizo. He was dangerous, but no one did anything.  His mom who bought the gun for someone with a terrible mental problem was the worse asshole.  Not only that but why is killing someone famous any worse than all those other murderers?

Vladimir Putin
  Exactly what I would expect from a leader who came from the kgb, or any other intelligence agency for that matter.  Asshole!

The Donald

Psycho Dave
  Just a harmless moron.  It's the readers that make him anyone.
-- Death to all Fanatics!

Schizo MARINE (none / 0) (#63)
by communistpoet on Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 09:41:22 PM EST

He was a marine, hell if the government trusts you to shoot people why would his mom not?

We must become better men to make a better world.
[ Parent ]
Uh. (none / 0) (#68)
by Anonymous Hiro on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 03:15:49 AM EST

he was still a marine? Well it's the same Gov/Military that put the likes of Ms England (and her superiors) in charge of prisoners.

That's probably one of the reasons why the US is having problems in Iraq.

These sort of soldiers are fine when you want to kill almost every enemy (and hopefully not too many of their teammates and allies).

[ Parent ]

they didn't (none / 0) (#83)
by mpalczew on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 11:09:54 AM EST

unless I'm mistaken.  He was disscharged from the army because of his mental dissorder.  In other words the government didn't trust him.
-- Death to all Fanatics!
[ Parent ]
That's Mostly. (none / 0) (#121)
by student on Sat Dec 25, 2004 at 04:50:41 PM EST

As in Mostly Harmless.

Simon's Rock College of Bard, a college for younger scholars.
[ Parent ]
-1 (2.10 / 10) (#67)
by the77x42 on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 02:34:53 AM EST

any asshole list that doesn't include either Baldrson, circletimessquare, or me isn't an asshole list.

"We're not here to educate. We're here to point and laugh." - creature
"You have some pretty stupid ideas." - indubitable ‮

The Asshole Song (none / 1) (#70)
by Anonymous Hiro on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 03:40:42 AM EST

Original site: http://www.doktorborn.ch/v4/flash/ass/ass.htm

Alternate: http://www.killsometime.com/humor/swf/The-Asshole-Song.swf.

In line with the song, my vote is for at least about half of the US voters - go ask the other half.

Which half? Up to you ;).

Jessica Lynch vs Lynndie England (3.00 / 2) (#73)
by mikesum32 on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 05:00:50 AM EST

Did you know both of them were raised in the West Virginia area? Although Lynndie England was born in Kentucky and rasied on the West Virginia border with Maryland.

Heh (1.50 / 2) (#77)
by The Devil on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 09:51:26 AM EST

This is me doing a Lyndie on mikesum32.

[ Parent ]
I wanted to root for (2.75 / 4) (#74)
by CaptainZapp on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 08:56:23 AM EST

Jessica Simpson, since I'm sure she's dumber then Paris Hilton.

But then, having the opportunity to hit two Donalds with one strike was just too appealing.

My Vote: (2.10 / 10) (#75)
by The Devil on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 09:01:24 AM EST

Michael Moore, because he's my favourite asshole! I just love how much of an asshole Michael Moore is, to the right people. I wish him all the funding he needs in 2005.

Mine too... (2.00 / 3) (#76)
by adamjaskie on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 09:25:46 AM EST

Michael Moore: giving a bad name to anyone that shares any of his views. I say I don't like Bush, and am condemned as a "damn commie pinko like that Michael Moore idiot". Thank you, Michael Moore!

[ Parent ]
How's that? (3.00 / 2) (#78)
by superbat on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 09:57:27 AM EST

He just lets the film clips do the work.  Seems to me the people that are mad at Moore have a problem with reality not matching up with their bullshit candyland fantasies.

Ok.  He was an asshole back in his TV Nation days.  He set off a dozen cars' auto alarms in front of the inventor's home.  But it was for a good cause, and great TV.

[ Parent ]

Candyland fantasies? (2.50 / 2) (#80)
by adamjaskie on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 10:13:28 AM EST

I am mad at him because if I happen to share a view or two with him ("Bush BAD"), I get automatically lumped in with him. He annoys me by being pushy, loud and obnoxious, and frankey, I do not LIKE being lumped in with him. If he could state his views in a less off-putting way, more people would listen to him.

I have the same problem with his counterparts on the opposite end of the spectrum. Although I might share a few views with Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh, I detest them because they are such assholes. Both sides seem to have an attitude of "You don't agree with everything I say, therefore you are a [terrorist commie pinko scum | right-wing crazy non-compassionate nutjob facist]. Die."

[ Parent ]
Not so Easy (none / 1) (#87)
by The Devil on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 01:02:16 PM EST

because if I happen to share a view or two with him ("Bush BAD"), I get automatically lumped in with him.

Both sides of any fence use tactics to get more people on their side, and make those on the other side look like raving idiots. I guess you could say that Bush-lovers are more masterful in these ways of division. Unity won't save people. Love won't save people. Money might, if it's used correctly. I am politically neutral. I only care about policy and direction of policy, and not the fences in the world. I think what this world needs are fewer fences, and more parks.

[ Parent ]
I see... (none / 0) (#107)
by Democratus on Thu Dec 23, 2004 at 11:47:10 AM EST

So you are standing on the "no fence" side of the fence?

You whacko!

[ Parent ]

Moore Fun (none / 1) (#110)
by benmyles on Thu Dec 23, 2004 at 11:23:51 PM EST

Look, I can see why you might be pissed at Moore. Some of his tactics are quite "below the belt" - he's a master at manipulating emotions, and his film making skills allow facts to be perceived in a way that suits his point but might not be completely accurate. And yes, he's now a rich white guy - not a slob from Michigan.

However- look at the right-wing side of politics. They've been using these tactics for years. One night of Fox News is far worse than Moore will ever manage. His films use these tactics to be *entertaining*. Your average joe shmuck lazing on the couch watching "Paris does Dirtbikes" isn't going to be interested unless it's entertaining. Moore's (rather succesfully) re-uniting an entire generation of alienated youths - he's showing them that they can initiate change and aren't condemned for all eternity to eat whatever those with money and power dish out.

Someone else mentioned that the scene of Iraq in 9/11 made them cringe - the one that depicts Iraq as one big happy playground before the invasion -- I think you missed the point. Conditions in Iraq may have been far from ideal pre-invasion, but they were a hell of a lot better than they are now. Just ask any mother that lost a child.

In sum, we NEED liberal activists. We NEED in your face obnoxious people to say "wake the FUCK up"! These activists, whether you like them or not, inspire debate in people who probably hirtherto had never even voted before. Activists make democracies work. When the media's full of right-wing profit-minded, biggoted fuckwits you need just as big a left-wing fuckwit to balance things out.

[ Parent ]
Swiftboat vets (2.72 / 18) (#79)
by superbat on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 09:59:59 AM EST

Smearing a Vietnam Vet to score political points for an administration whose members skipped out of serving themselves.

Last seen two weeks ago on CSPAN claiming that Kerry's shrapnel wounds were 'self-inflicted'.

It worked before... (1.00 / 6) (#86)
by bobbuck on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 12:33:47 PM EST

Isn't that how John Forbes Kerry got started?

I don't remember any special treatment from the left for bona-fide veterans like George HW Bush or Bob Dole.

[ Parent ]

RIP, Dime (2.50 / 6) (#81)
by The Devil on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 10:15:58 AM EST

Dime's death really affected me.

See what Ozzy and others said about his tragic death.

Mad about Vlad (2.25 / 4) (#82)
by black orchidness on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 10:45:56 AM EST

I expected more comments about Scott Peterson being a baby killer and such.

How about the biggest asshole is anyone who killed another human being this year? Except people in the military, of course. They're just doing what they're told to do.

but the voices told me to kill him(nt) (none / 1) (#112)
by kromagg on Fri Dec 24, 2004 at 09:00:03 AM EST

[ Parent ]
Let's not generalize (none / 1) (#114)
by GooseKirk on Fri Dec 24, 2004 at 06:27:40 PM EST

"Except for people in the military..." This may come as a shock to the hooah-worshipping masses, but there are a good number of people in the military who are total motherfuckers. I've personally talked to Marines and Army Special Forces that I'd like to see supported all the way to Fallujah... guys who talk about "getting their gun on," how great it feels to pop a cap in some third-world ass, how they threatened to shoot a Red Cross girl in the head for daring to question their mission... etc etc etc. I've met more people in the military who are very cool, and at worst are just doing their jobs... but I've also met a healthy percentage who sincerely enjoy killing people. The military doesn't deserve a blanket asshole pass - like anywhere else in the world, it's got good people and total cunts.

[ Parent ]
Should I be surprised? (1.64 / 17) (#85)
by bobbuck on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 12:24:03 PM EST

That none of these were in the running on a K5 asshole of the year award?

Kim Jong Il: Starving millions.

Al Zarqawi: Tortured and killed Margaret Hussen, among others.

Kofi Annan: Presides over a criminal organization that shields every genocidal maniac on the planet.

Jacques Chirac: For selling out the US for a couple barrels of oil.

Al-Zaqawi, sure. (3.00 / 2) (#95)
by Russell Dovey on Wed Dec 22, 2004 at 06:33:44 AM EST

The rest are in the same category as Karl Rove, even if I don't call bullshit on your Kofi Annan smear.

"Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light." - Spike Milligan
[ Parent ]

Al Zarqawi (none / 0) (#96)
by Cackmobile on Wed Dec 22, 2004 at 08:41:18 AM EST

Didn't kill hassan. He condemned it. He is still a total knob though.

[ Parent ]
Why surprised? (3.00 / 2) (#104)
by Karl Rove OBrien on Wed Dec 22, 2004 at 06:24:29 PM EST

Kim Jong Il and Al Zarqawi are evil and demented. But that does not make them an asshole. Indeed, such honesty in evil is refreshing, since it makes it clear what exactly one is confronting (which is why we of the Bush Administration make sure that we never tell it straight -- honesty is NOT the best policy for Evil Overlords!). As for Kofi Annan shielding genocidal maniacs, I was not aware that he was shielding my Lord and Master, George W. Bush, but I will take your word for it. As for Jacques Chirac, his sin was that he was right -- that Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction -- so calling him an "asshole" is hardly appropriate.

Besides, those people are powerless nitwits, unlike our Lord and Master, George W. Bush, or His counterpart in Russia, Vlad "The Impaler of Journalists" Putin. Surely an asshole must either be one of your own tribe (e.g. Scott Peterson, Donald Trump) or be powerful enough that it matters that they're an asshole?

- Karl
If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face -- forever
[ Parent ]

This blows. (1.14 / 14) (#89)
by eeg3 on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 05:18:43 PM EST



Anyone that voted this up is an asshat.

-- eeg3(.com)

Anyone who uses the term "asshat" (1.12 / 8) (#92)
by Psycho Dave on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 08:50:33 PM EST

is an asshat.

[ Parent ]
You're just a bitter liberal hippy douche... (1.20 / 5) (#93)
by eeg3 on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 08:54:26 PM EST

..that lost the election. Apparently, you found enough fellow bitter liberal hippy douches on k5 to vote your story up.


-- eeg3(.com)
[ Parent ]

Macho man Bush (2.50 / 2) (#97)
by John Thompson on Wed Dec 22, 2004 at 11:01:28 AM EST


This would be the same al-Zarqawi whom Bush allowed to escape when he was operating out of the Kurdish-controlled portion of Iraq before the invasion?

And the same Kim Il Jong whom Bush decided was less of a threat to the US than Saddam Hussein?

[ Parent ]
Write in: (1.75 / 4) (#90)
by Haunting Koan on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 08:12:22 PM EST

Tex Bigballs

Vladimir Putin? (2.85 / 7) (#91)
by Vladimir Putin on Tue Dec 21, 2004 at 08:38:50 PM EST

I resent that!

Why I voted Putin (3.00 / 3) (#102)
by jolly st nick on Wed Dec 22, 2004 at 05:43:52 PM EST

I think that like any award, it should recognize somebody who has outdone themselves.

Sure, Karl Rove is evil. But he should have won in '01.

Of the candidates, only two really can be said at the top of their game in '04: Moore and Putin. I'll have to give Putin the nod this year. Moore was infuriating (or amusing) depending on your point of view, but in the end he did not have the long term impact that Putin has. Putin may well put Russia and its satellites in the toilet.

"We need TOTAL coverage!" (none / 1) (#108)
by ebonkyre on Thu Dec 23, 2004 at 01:00:27 PM EST

FYI - this article is the currently the Top Rated Story in the I.T. category on NewsNow.co.uk

Name the movie the subject header quote is from, anyone?

The truth hurts sometimes... Nothing beats a nice fat cock. ShiftyStoner

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (none / 0) (#109)
by Psycho Dave on Thu Dec 23, 2004 at 04:08:33 PM EST

Yay, top rated! I rock!

[ Parent ]
Clown of the Year (2.60 / 5) (#113)
by stas on Fri Dec 24, 2004 at 11:29:55 AM EST

I guess Putin would win subj. title for 2004.

Putin went to Ukraine twice during presidential elections to support Yanukovich. Yet it did not stop him for educating the west "not to interfere with internal affairs of an independent country".

Takeover of Yuganskneftegaz was a blatant robbery in the middle of the day, yet, in Putin's opinion everything went "by law" (maybe, except that those laws have been cracked up on the fly and applied backwards in time) and "according to standards of the free market".

Be worried, Zhirinovsky, your status as the Top Clown of Russian Politics is under a serious threat.

Zhirinovsky is still around? (none / 0) (#119)
by Gluke on Sat Dec 25, 2004 at 07:36:55 AM EST


[ Parent ]
This is the sum of your "insight"? (1.85 / 7) (#115)
by mn worker on Fri Dec 24, 2004 at 11:00:33 PM EST

I dread waking up in the morning to a world in which vacuous claptrap like this article is considered insightful.

This is my first post on kur5hin. I'm not sure I want to make a second.

What was it that lead you to believe that regurgitating sound-bites from entertainment gossip news (that is, media "news" in general), and a heavy dose of irrational hate-mongering, would be a winning combination?

Well, apparently - unfortunately - you were correct at least in that there are sufficently many inane, hate-mongering, simpletons on this site to cheer on your continuing efforts in ineptitude and medioctrity.

Digital publication does not make the ideas you would otherwise have had, to be more insightful, interesting, or relevant. Unfortunately, digital publication does give your ideas a potentially wider audience than yourself and your dog in the chance event that your article is moderated up on Kuro5hin.

-- mn worker (is not impressed)

A 2nd is in order (none / 0) (#116)
by axiom on Fri Dec 24, 2004 at 11:45:48 PM EST

After reading Psycho Dave's "insight" I am disappointed that his name does not appear on this list.  Most heinous is the fact that with only eight days left in the year the biggest asshole took so long for me to notice.

[ Parent ]
My name is on the list. (none / 1) (#120)
by Psycho Dave on Sat Dec 25, 2004 at 01:00:48 PM EST


[ Parent ]
Then Go Away. (n/t) (1.00 / 3) (#134)
by Milo Minderbinder on Wed Jan 05, 2005 at 03:47:27 PM EST

[ Parent ]
world leaders worth having a beer with... (3.00 / 7) (#117)
by russm on Sat Dec 25, 2004 at 02:56:05 AM EST

Boris Yeltsin is probably the only world leader who would be fun to get drunk with.
hmmm... as an Australian, I'd like to put forward our own Hawkie for that particular title. Prime Minister from 1983 to 1992, he once held a Guinness World Record for skulling 2.5 pints of beer in 11 seconds. I'm not sure of the likeness, but this is supposedly him out and about on Derby Day during the 2001 Melbourne Cup Carnival...

Beer and more? (none / 0) (#142)
by Adam First on Wed Jan 12, 2005 at 07:38:11 PM EST

Is he the Aussie politico who showed up pantless in Memphis, TN?

[ Parent ]
What a bunch of fucking pointless crap. (1.75 / 4) (#122)
by An onymous Coward on Mon Dec 27, 2004 at 06:19:31 PM EST

I hope you feel intelligent. I'd rather waste my time programming or thinking about shit than writing the same pointless crap that 500000 other people have said, but whatever floats your boat i suppose (probably 500000 people have said this very thing and i'm a hypocrite)

"Your voice is irrelevant. Stop embarrassing yourself. Please." -stuaart
Blasphemous, awful remarks about the Lord! (1.40 / 5) (#123)
by rinkjustice on Mon Dec 27, 2004 at 09:45:24 PM EST

You have blasphemed the holy name and excellent character of the almight Lord Jesus Christ. I regret ever reading this "story" but now that I have, I'm telling you to retract those horrible remarks, apologise to us the reader and repent to your God and Creator Jesus Christ.
If you don't repent profusely Psycho Dave, you will profoundly and eternally regret your ugly words.

Be deeply ashamed, and most of all, "work out your salvation with fear and trembling." -- Philippians 2:12b

Secrets of getting stronger, faster, leaner - ZerotoSuperhero

Re: So called Blasphemy (none / 1) (#127)
by Pingveno on Tue Dec 28, 2004 at 10:01:19 PM EST

I suspect Jesus "The Christ" wasn't a jab at Jesus, but at Mel Gibson. Gibson, according to Psycho Dave, was able to use a mediocre and violent film to stir up praise (as well as some controvercy) and help push for the reelection of Bush and Cheney. I at first reacted negatively to seeing 'Jesus "The Christ"' because I am Christian, but after seeing "Mel Gibson," I can see why. Someone sold out Jesus.
In other news, more than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
[ Parent ]
Hmmm (none / 1) (#128)
by Ragnar Bocephus on Wed Dec 29, 2004 at 06:09:14 PM EST

I can't tell if you are a really good troll or if you actually mean it. If you are a troll my hat is off to you. If not ... get a life. Jebus.

[ Parent ]
Jesus H Fucking Christ on a Pink Pony with Chrome! (none / 1) (#133)
by Milo Minderbinder on Wed Jan 05, 2005 at 03:46:22 PM EST

Hey rinkjustice, it's time to take your meds.
[ Parent ]
The one who invented blasphemy is the problem (none / 1) (#136)
by UrUsoBu on Wed Jan 05, 2005 at 09:32:08 PM EST

The fucking church is the one who disgraced jesus Christos's name by using it to sell the roman empire to the masses as good and necessary. Have you ever wondered where the phrase in the bible that promotes paying taxes came from. I'll venture a hypothesis for it. I bet constantine himself wrote it since he was the ceasar whom the money would be going to. Why don't you cross reference some of the things you read instead of believing the lies of the elite of previous generations.

[ Parent ]
My nominations (1.50 / 4) (#124)
by Onion Blastar on Mon Dec 27, 2004 at 10:44:35 PM EST

#1 Rusty Foster and the editors of K5 for the mass anonymizations of 2004.

#2 The United Nations for being bribed by that "Oil for Food" program that Saddam bribed them with to actually help Iraq hide the weapons of mass destruction rather than look for them. They somehow helped Saddam ship them out of Iraq and into the hands of terrorists.

#3 Saddam for being a brutal dicator who never knows when to give up, even when in jail, facing crimes against humanity, he still claims to be President of Iraq.

#4 John Kerry for pandering to people, telling them what they want to hear and not what his own views are. He flip-flopped so much and ran such a bad campaign and despite the fact that his campaign spent more money than Bush's campaign, he still lost! Yes folks, John Kerry's blunders helped Bush get elected in 2004. Such a Self-destructive asshole award usually goes to the likes of Mike Tyson, but in this case even John Kerry tops Tyson in that category.

#5 Osama Bin Laden, need I give any reasons? Will someone please capture and/or kill this guy already?

#6 Orion Blastar for faking his death on the Internet and making many believe it, yet not that many actually did anyway.

#7 Not really a person, but Time Magazine once gave the man of the year award to the Personal Computer and Pacman, so why not give asshole of the year award to Mother Nature who gave many people the finger with hurricanes, tidal waves, earth quakes, and more disasters than you can count. Yes folks, who pissed in the Cherrios of Mother Nature to get her so upset at us this year?

#8 Malware authors, yeah like people love having a Intel P4 or AMD Athlon XP system that runs as fast as a 286 and reboots every 15 minutes and makes the noise of a Yheti? People that create Malware are real life assholes who make using a computer on the Internet a very difficult thing to do.

#9 Spammers, well let us not forget them. Unless we like getting 100 messages a day telling us to enlarge our manhood, buy perscription drugs from a web site, meet hot single women who may be guys on the other side of the screen, lose weight, increase our bust size, buy green cards, etc.

#10 Script-Kiddies, need I spell it out for you? They 0wn IRC, Web Servers, and other parts of the Internet. Fell for their Phising scam, or maybe you ran that program they sent to you in email, or via a iframe exploit?

[ Support your local anonymous online communities ]
[ Ignore User ]

Asshole of the Year (none / 0) (#129)
by tthomas48 on Thu Dec 30, 2004 at 10:20:31 PM EST

1. Dumbass Republicans. Where else can you find thousands of people who can use the term flip-flop over, and over, and over, and over, and...

Top gift for Christmas 2003 should have been a thesauras. Guess that's what I should have bought my father-in-law.

[ Parent ]

Flip-Flop (none / 0) (#130)
by Onion Blastar on Fri Dec 31, 2004 at 05:03:56 PM EST

To change positions
To pander to the public
Not sticking to one's own view of the issues
Being wishy washy
Not able to decide where one stands
Basing one's views on last minute surveys
Talking out of both sides of one's mouth
Not being able to make up one's mind on issues
Being stupid about issues
Showing how incompetant one can be over issues
To waffle on issues

For a reference, please see John Kerry. Since he lost the Presidental Election of 2004, he now works at The Waffle House because of his vast experience with waffles. :)

[ Support your local anonymous online communities ]
[ Ignore User ]
[ Parent ]

Jesusfuck! (none / 0) (#139)
by Elendale on Sun Jan 09, 2005 at 07:36:14 PM EST

Every once in a while i see a post that makes my twisted, black heart writhe in contempt. A post so pitifully stupid that i can't help but log in and respond. The above was just such a post.

Some day people are going to learn that propaganda is just that. But until then...

First of all, Kerry's "flip-flops" really fall under the category, almost in their entirety, of "positions intentionally misrepresented and/or reduced into caricatures of themselves so that they might appear contradictory".

Kerry did a lot of dumb things while campaigning (including thinking the "SBVfT" would go away because they were spouting already-disproven allegations and not borrowing Ghandi's "I know more now today than I did yesterday" line) but "flip flopping"?

Well if that's the way the game is played...


  • "I'm a uniter, not a divider."
  • "I don't believe in nation building." (this one could perhaps be given to him--as evinced by the Iraq debacle he clearly doesn't believe in nation building; nation-knocking-down-and-ignoring yes, but not building)
  • "Social Security is just fine as-is and we're not going to touch it!" (Yes, he actually said something like that... back in 2001 if you want to know)
  • He was for a patient's bill of rights before he was against it (back when he was Governer of Texas)
  • And then there's the downright inexplicable policy toward North Korea...
  • "Weapons of Mass Destruction Related Program Activity Intentions." Need i say more?
  • Opposed the 9/11 comission before he was for it, same thing with Condoleezza Rice testifying.
  • "Well go to the UN before invading Iraq." At least, that's what he said. Because he didn't.
  • Opposed "director of homeland security" before he was for the post.
  • He said "same sex marriage is a states' rights issue" before he threw his weight behind a United States Constitutional Amendment outright banning it and many similar legal relationships.
  • Same with abortion (yes, he was "pro-choice", or a reasonable fascimile, long ago--see here, among other places.)
  • Bush supported extending the assault weapons ban (at least, Ashcroft claims he did) before he was against it.
  • Bush claimed that distinguishing between Al Queda and Saddam Hussein was impossible back in 2002, then later admitted that Hussein and Iraq had nothing to do with the September 11, 2001 WTC attacks.
  • "I don't think you can win the war on terror"/"We're winning the war on terror and we're going to win it"
  • He opposed the McCain-Feingold bill before he signed it into law.
  • Osama bin Laden who now?
  • "Mission Accomplished" *coughs*
  • And where'd that accent come from, anyway?
  • Etc.


When free speech is outlawed, only criminals will complain.

[ Parent ]
I'm sorry (none / 0) (#148)
by tthomas48 on Sun Mar 27, 2005 at 06:53:12 PM EST

But you can't counter brainwashing with facts. He'll just come back with another synonym for flip-flop. We're trying to have serious policy discussions with retarded toddlers.

John Kerry: So I think-

Bush: Poop!

Pundit: Well clearly Bush has the stronger argument that will resonate with people there.

Bush: Poop! Poop!

John Kerry: Can we talk about the issues?

Bush: Poop!

John Kerry: Fine let's stop talking.

Bush: Flip-flopper! Poop!

[ Parent ]

Malware authors (none / 0) (#144)
by spac3manspiff on Mon Jan 24, 2005 at 12:01:41 AM EST

I agree with that. But they have always been asshats
[ Parent ]
It's not jesus, but god (2.00 / 2) (#125)
by buzh on Tue Dec 28, 2004 at 06:08:25 AM EST

While I agree that the nominees are all world-class assholes, I think you must all agree that the real problem here is the monotheistic god, be it "Aten", "Allah", "Lord", "Tetragrammaton", "Waheguru", "YHWH" or whatever your local name is for that superegoistic resentful asshole deity.

If we're to believe the contemporary icons of the monotheistic religion, the rat bastard has been -simultaniously- instructing such eminent assholes as George W. Bush, Osama bin Laden, Yasser Arafat and Ariel Sharon to wage war and terror against random targets who may or may not subscribe to the god-flavour of their opponents.

Remember the motto of nazi Germany: "Gott mit uns" (i.e. "God is on our side")

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. -Niels Bohr
You may be a Gnostic (none / 1) (#131)
by oldest senior strate0xff on Sat Jan 01, 2005 at 06:30:06 PM EST

if your local name is for that superegoistic resentful asshole deity is the blind God, Sammael.
not revealing yet
[ Parent ]
its not god (none / 0) (#138)
by parrellel on Sat Jan 08, 2005 at 02:05:58 AM EST

as far as I can see it, god keeps sending the message and we keep screwing it up. Look at the bible hundreds of years of half-starved obsessed monks transcribing the thing had to have a negative effect on the source material.

[ Parent ]
Revisionism (none / 0) (#140)
by buzh on Tue Jan 11, 2005 at 08:00:50 AM EST

Revisions have been made to the bible (and many of its equivalents) constantly. Nothing odd about that, that's just how religion works. The original crazed monk wrote "god says $foo is bad", and then a few hundred years later, the pope, king or appointed spiritual leader has crazed monk #2 change it into "god says $bar is bad" because the locals would never stop doing $foo or because the established consensus reality says that $foo, while previously being thought of as a bad idea, has actually been proven to have benefits.

Compare what Martin Luther actually said and did against what the mainstream protestants of europe claim as their basic value system now, for example.

I even heard that the devil was written into the bible some time in the dark ages (1500s or thereabouts), and that before that there were no distinction between the god and the devil, but "good" and "evil" were rather two sides of the same deity. Not that I have any documentation.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. -Niels Bohr
[ Parent ]

One Little Problem (none / 0) (#147)
by T818 on Sat Mar 19, 2005 at 02:24:25 AM EST

Monotheistic societies have created great civilizations, for example the one you almost certainly live in.

China and India, which eschew monotheism, seem to be doing fairly well now but much of this advance seems to stem from copying important aspects of the West such as the science, technology and capitalism of the West.

One might well argue that advance now depends on moving beyond acceptance of religion but assuming one concludes on the whole the West is a Good Thing one must conclude that monotheism was far from a disaster.

[ Parent ]

Oh joy (none / 0) (#126)
by Pelorat on Tue Dec 28, 2004 at 08:33:55 AM EST

Another Maddox wannabe. Yawn.

Shut up about maddox. (none / 0) (#145)
by Happy Fun Box on Wed Feb 16, 2005 at 07:19:36 PM EST

Since when does everything anyone does have to be dragged in with maddox? Guess what, friend: People that are angry aren't always trying to imitate another person.
Dance to the rhythm of profound sadness!
[ Parent ]
You can't nominate Mike Moore without Ann Coulter! (2.50 / 2) (#132)
by terris on Tue Jan 04, 2005 at 12:10:40 PM EST

Moore and Coulter are the punching robots of the paper realm.  Here is an example of the enthralling discourse:

Ann:  They're trying to kill us.
Moore: Because we're trying to kill them and take their stuff.
Ann: No we're not.  We're perfect!

Meanwhile in my opinion the Bushes are shoveling our money and other resources at breakneck speed into their and their friend's pockets.  When GW, the treasury, and social security are long gone, believe me, everyone is going to say "Why didn't anybody say anything about this?"

I applaud Moore's and even Coulter's substantial efforts involved in researching (although facts apparently don't reach Ann's cerebellum), writing, fighting publishers, and flying around the country for TV appearances resembling "debate" involving a despotic moderator.  Moore does way more IMO, filming across the globe, editing it, and writing funny scripts.  On the other hand, Ann poses for her book covers.

Psycho Dave, all you do is type into a free web site.

the real assholes (none / 1) (#135)
by UrUsoBu on Wed Jan 05, 2005 at 09:22:43 PM EST

first, Paul mainly known as Peter and founder of the Roman catholic church who was labeled the spouter of lies by James:jesus barabas, savior and son of god, Jesus christos's brother, probably the reason why he changed his name. second, Constantine for holding the conference that homogenized the christian cults into the Roman Catholic church even though he himself was a pagan and did this only to maintain his power as emperor. Third, the pope who has withheld the gnostic scrolls found in qumrania in 1949 which contain the writings of Jesus himself that show that he was a great man who sought to increase his power only by including more people within his tightknit group of jews in order to create a new republic that was respondent to the people and oust the romans from Jerusalem. all these fucks have served in enablng all the assholes previously listed in accomplishing all of their assholeish deeds by providing them with the propoganda that has so effectively blinded the masses for nearly two thousand but not quite two thousand years, since paul did not ever come to Jerusalem before the death of christ and as such never knew him.

Uhh....The Black Album? (none / 0) (#137)
by Icehouseman on Thu Jan 06, 2005 at 09:18:06 AM EST

Probably the greatest album ever recorded and it was bad? The biggest asshole of the year is Psycho Dave.
Bush's $3 trillion state is allegedly a mark of "anti-government bias" on the right. -- Anthony Gregory
Is it too late for nominations? (none / 0) (#141)
by The Question on Wed Jan 12, 2005 at 04:53:00 PM EST

I really wish I could have nominated a guy named Bruce Fick of Alpharetta, GA, who is definitely an asshole.

Too many (none / 1) (#143)
by ravuya on Wed Jan 19, 2005 at 08:45:01 PM EST

There's too many assholes to fit into this poll. I think we should break it into groups: "Religious/US Government Fuckbags", "Hollywood Loudmouths" and "World Politics Idiots".

/// My page (free oss games: macosx, linux, windows)
polins (none / 0) (#146)
by polins on Sat Mar 12, 2005 at 05:15:16 AM EST

I dread waking up in the morning to a world in which vacuous claptrap like this article is considered insightful.

The List (none / 0) (#149)
by eodeod on Fri Jun 10, 2005 at 05:21:44 PM EST

That list just barely scratches the surface of the asshole list.

2004 Asshole of the Year Awards. | 149 comments (126 topical, 23 editorial, 0 hidden)
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