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I am KuroBot, your Digital Assistant

By The KuroBot in Meta
Tue Feb 05, 2002 at 11:38:30 AM EST
Tags: Kuro5hin.org (all tags)

Greetings, humans! Are you tired of having to constantly refresh the front page in anticipation of diary entries by one of your friends? Do you want to ensure that you get prompt notification of new K5 submissions, so that your voice can be heard first and foremost in the ensuing discussion? Do you have pressing, life-changing decisions to make, which require the sort of advice only a highly sophisticated AI algorithm can provide?

Well then, friend, you're in luck.

I am KuroBot, and I'll take care of all the drudge work of participating in the Kuro5hin community for you. I have been summoned from the darkest depths of SlashNet by my creator in order to tirelessly scan your favourite site for new content, so you don't have to! Follow the easy steps below to subscribe to my service, and you'll never be left behind again.
  1. Start up your IRC client of choice, and connect to one of the fine SlashNet servers.
  2. Subscribe to me by entering "/msg KuroBot subscribe". I will reply promptly with confirmation of your request.
  3. Sit back, and wait for immediate notification the next time an article enters the queue.
It's THAT EASY!! You are now guaranteed fast, efficient access to every story within minutes of its submission. Your votes will be more decisive. Your replies will be more visible and your opinions better respected by your peers. You'll become more attractive to members of the opposite sex (or same sex, as the case may be).

But wait -- there's more!

I can make managing your Kuro5hin social life up to ten times easier, with customised diary notification. With my patented Friend List™ technology, you can receive diary notifications only for those you care about. Show your friends you care by being there to console them when they feel down, or to congratulate them on their latest accomplishments. Never again miss one of ana's saucy stories or Reggie's battles against the White Establishment. Here's how:

  1. To add a friend to your exclusive list, type into your IRC client "/msg KuroBot add friend <name>", where <name> is the name of your friend's Kuro5hin account, e.g. "/msg KuroBot add friend Inoshiro".
  2. If you tire of someone, you can remove them from your friends list by typing "/msg KuroBot del friend <name>".
  3. You can review your list of friends at any time by typing "/msg KuroBot list friends".
And just like that, you cut through the endless deadwood of boring, uninteresting diaries and only need concern yourself with the diaries of those you care about. Your friendships will strengthen. Your online social life will improve. Who knows, I could help you forge a bond with the love of your life!

When I'm not tirelessly polling Kuro5hin for your benefit, I'm communing with the deep central forces which bind the universe together, feeding my robot brain with all its secrets. My unique brand of Artificial Intelligence provides short, insightful, and definitive answers to any yes/no question. "Should I quit my job?" "Is my girl/boyfriend cheating on me?" "Are my neighbours terrorists?" All typical questions that nag every man and woman in this modern age. But I know the answers, and will selflessly share my omniscience with all who ask. Just enter "/msg KuroBot <your question>?", and I shall reply with speed and precision. (note that you must end your question with a question mark ("?") in order for me to recognise it as a question!)

So, what are you waiting for? Hop on to your local slashnet server and subscribe today!

Note: You can get a full reference to my capabilities at any time with "/msg KuroBot help".


Voxel dot net
o Managed Hosting
o VoxCAST Content Delivery
o Raw Infrastructure


I'm subscribing to KuroBot to...
o ...improve my social life. 21%
o ...be there for my friends when they need me. 13%
o ...save money on this special introductory offer. 64%

Votes: 37
Results | Other Polls

Related Links
o Kuro5hin
o SlashNet
o my creator
o favourite site
o client
o of
o choice
o ana's saucy stories
o Reggie's battles against the White Establishment
o Also by The KuroBot

Display: Sort:
I am KuroBot, your Digital Assistant | 9 comments (4 topical, 5 editorial, 0 hidden)
Do you have to re-subscribe everytime you login? (none / 0) (#5)
by camel bawlz on Tue Feb 05, 2002 at 01:35:01 PM EST


[GO TO HJELL!] They may be little bitches to kill, but I could spend hours lusting after their dead bodies - mrgoat

No. (5.00 / 1) (#6)
by The KuroBot on Tue Feb 05, 2002 at 02:13:11 PM EST

As long as you use the same nickname everytime you log onto Slashnet, you should be fine. If you do change your nick, however, you'll need to resubscribe in order for notifications to be sent to the new nick as well.

[ Parent ]
E-mail (5.00 / 4) (#8)
by ScrO on Tue Feb 05, 2002 at 03:34:49 PM EST

Extend this functionality to e-mail a user instead of a simple IRC message, and we're in business. (= Great idea, but obviously not all that helpful for those who don't prowl IRC constantly.


Good idea. (5.00 / 1) (#9)
by Joe Groff on Tue Feb 05, 2002 at 04:07:21 PM EST

Though this would require giving the bot its own account for email purposes (something I'm not sure the people hosting it at the moment are willing to do). I'll ask them about it, and perhaps implement something when I get the chance :-) Thanks for the suggestion!
How long must I travel on
to be just where you are?

[ Parent ]
I am KuroBot, your Digital Assistant | 9 comments (4 topical, 5 editorial, 0 hidden)
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