I am KuroBot, your Digital Assistant
By The KuroBot in Meta
Tue Feb 05, 2002 at 11:38:30 AM EST
Tags: Kuro5hin.org (all tags)
Greetings, humans! Are you tired of having to constantly refresh the front page
in anticipation of diary entries by one of your friends? Do you want to ensure
that you get prompt notification of new K5 submissions, so that your voice
can be heard first and foremost in the ensuing discussion? Do you have pressing,
life-changing decisions to make, which require the sort of advice only a highly
sophisticated AI algorithm can provide?
Well then, friend, you're in luck.
I am KuroBot, and I'll take care of all the drudge work of participating in
the Kuro5hin community for you. I have been summoned from the darkest depths of
SlashNet by my creator
in order to tirelessly scan your favourite site for new content, so you don't
have to! Follow the easy steps below to subscribe to my service, and you'll
never be left behind again.
It's THAT EASY!! You are now guaranteed fast, efficient access to every
story within minutes of its submission. Your votes will be more decisive. Your
replies will be more visible and your opinions better respected by your peers.
You'll become more attractive to members of the opposite sex (or same sex, as
the case may be).
- Start up your IRC client of choice, and connect to one of the
fine SlashNet servers.
- Subscribe to me by entering "/msg KuroBot subscribe".
I will reply promptly with confirmation of your request.
- Sit back, and wait for immediate notification the next time an article enters
But wait -- there's more!
I can make managing your Kuro5hin social life up to ten times easier, with
customised diary notification. With my patented Friend List™ technology,
you can receive diary notifications only for those you care about. Show your
friends you care by being there to console them when they feel down, or to
congratulate them on their latest accomplishments. Never again miss one of
ana's saucy stories or
Reggie's battles against the
White Establishment. Here's how:
And just like that, you cut through the endless deadwood of boring, uninteresting
diaries and only need concern yourself with the diaries of those you care about.
Your friendships will strengthen. Your online social life will improve.
Who knows, I could help you forge a bond with the love of your life!
- To add a friend to your exclusive list, type into your IRC client
"/msg KuroBot add friend <name>", where <name>
is the name of your friend's Kuro5hin account, e.g. "/msg KuroBot add friend Inoshiro".
- If you tire of someone, you can remove them from your friends list by
typing "/msg KuroBot del friend <name>".
- You can review your list of friends at any time by typing "/msg KuroBot list friends".
When I'm not tirelessly polling Kuro5hin for your benefit, I'm communing with
the deep central forces which bind the universe together, feeding my robot
brain with all its secrets. My unique brand of Artificial Intelligence
provides short, insightful, and definitive answers to any yes/no question.
"Should I quit my job?" "Is my girl/boyfriend cheating on me?" "Are my neighbours
terrorists?" All typical questions that nag every man and woman in this modern
age. But I know the answers, and will selflessly share my omniscience with
all who ask. Just enter "/msg KuroBot <your question>?",
and I shall reply with speed and precision. (note that you must end your
question with a question mark ("?") in order for me to recognise it as a
So, what are you waiting for? Hop on to your local slashnet server and subscribe
Note: You can get a full reference to my capabilities at any time with
"/msg KuroBot help".