The most important part of a story is the
category that it is filed under. Almost nobody gets to a story
through the front page, or the submission queue, so it is vitally
important that a story is filed under the correct category. To
stress this importance to potential submitters, every story in the
queue should receive a strongly worded comment accusing it of being
in the wrong category. The rules for this are as follows:
News and MLP
Any news story containing a link should
really be filed under MLP.
Any MLP story relating to something
new should be filed as news.
However, do not let this distract
you from strongly criticizing any news story that does not have a
link to a reliable source, or any MLP to an older page.
Anything in Op-ed or Columns that relates to
Media, Freedom and Politics, Internet, Technology or Culture should
really be filed under one of these.
Anything in Freedom and
Politics, Internet, Technology or Culture that expresses or seeks
opinions, should be under Op-ed or Columns. Anything in these
categories that contains news or links should be filed under News or
If at any time you cannot decide where something
should be filed, or cannot be bothered to think about it, just say
"This should be a diary entry". This phrase can be safely applied to
Content of comments
One of the problems that sadly
afflicts K5 is that some stories are long and contain the results of
much research and thought, which results in them taking an
unacceptable length of time to read. Therefore you should only ever
read the title and the introduction of any story. You should
certainly never comment on the full content of a story, as
that only encourages bores to do even more research. The accepted
way to produce a K5 comment is as follows:
- Read title and introduction
- Invent a ludicrous opinion/statement that could be ascribed to
the author of the story
- Attack the ludicrous statement with much sarcasm
Style of comments
Do not forget that there are two
reasons for posting a comment on K5. The first is to insult someone,
but the second is to demonstrate your intellectual superiority.
To prove your superiority,
you should include as many links
as possible in your posts. Remember, the more links the better. A
good way to improve your link count is to always include a second
link to the root of the website. For example, always refer to a story
on the BBC.
that another way to demonstrate the ineffable, punctilious
superiority of the style of your prose; is to propagate sentences of
length tremendous: with many, many clauses separated by commas,
semicolons and colons chosen with randomness apparent; also with
many pairs of words reversed, long obscure adjectives chosen
regardless of their actual meaning, and double negatives used
instead of positives wherever it is not impossible.
Rating of comments
In spite of certain unsubstantiated
rumours to the contrary, the purpose of comment ratings is to
demonstrate your agreement or disagreement with the opinion.
Therefore, you should make sure you follow these rules:
comment is rated high, it means that you are the winner. If your
comment is rated low, it means that someone is moderating unfairly,
and you should complain loudly in your diary or subsequent comments.
- If you agree, rate 5
- If you disagree, rate 1
- If you don't care, rate 4. This may give you an ally in future
mod wars, but will not affect your own posts
Defining your terms
One of the things that makes K5 debate so refreshing is that there
is no obligation to define your terms, even when they're complex
and often understood in different ways. When you see a word like
"hacking", "socialism" or "libertarianism", remember that the
word means whatever you want it to mean. Decide what interpretation
is easiest for you to attack, and use it.
When using a term with multiple interpretations, make sure that you
never define the sense in which you are using it. This gives you
much more flexibility: in a long thread you can change the meaning
as often as you like, without anyone noticing in the heat of the debate.
When you comment on a story in the queue, you will be asked whether
it is "topical" or "editorial". Be careful here! It is tempting to
choose editorial, since this will outline the comment in red, but
be warned: when the story is posted, these comments disappear from the
standard view. This is a sneaky trick by the admins to make your
vitriolic abuse of the presentation disappear. So, make sure to post
all your comments as topical, especially when they insult the
presentation. This way your brilliant flames about spelling mistakes and
broken links will be preserved for posterity.
There has been some debate over the precise meaning of the word
troll, and even
suggestions on how to detect them. Ignore these: a troll is someone who
disagrees with you. If you spot someone doing this, you should
alert the community by posting a reply, preferably in capital letters.
Because trolls are bad and should be silenced, it is important not
to refer the content of the offending post in any way. Therefore you
should never mention why you think the
post is a troll. To counterbalance this you should be as offensive
and emotional as possible. Trolls really hate it when they get an
angry response, so to teach them a lesson, make the comment as angry
as you can.
I hope this article has been of help.
Further information on Internet debating is available from the Brunching website here.
Under no circumstances should you read that entirely
worthless document, the