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Guide to Commenting on K5

By TheophileEscargot in Meta
Thu Feb 07, 2002 at 12:46:31 PM EST
Tags: Humour (all tags)

There are several guides to the effective posting of stories on K5, but there seems to be a lack of guidance on the issue of commenting. This story is intended to be the definitive guide to commenting on K5.

The most important part of a story is the category that it is filed under. Almost nobody gets to a story through the front page, or the submission queue, so it is vitally important that a story is filed under the correct category. To stress this importance to potential submitters, every story in the queue should receive a strongly worded comment accusing it of being in the wrong category. The rules for this are as follows:

News and MLP
Any news story containing a link should really be filed under MLP.
Any MLP story relating to something new should be filed as news.
However, do not let this distract you from strongly criticizing any news story that does not have a link to a reliable source, or any MLP to an older page.

Anything in Op-ed or Columns that relates to Media, Freedom and Politics, Internet, Technology or Culture should really be filed under one of these.
Anything in Freedom and Politics, Internet, Technology or Culture that expresses or seeks opinions, should be under Op-ed or Columns. Anything in these categories that contains news or links should be filed under News or MLP.

If at any time you cannot decide where something should be filed, or cannot be bothered to think about it, just say "This should be a diary entry". This phrase can be safely applied to anything.

Content of comments
One of the problems that sadly afflicts K5 is that some stories are long and contain the results of much research and thought, which results in them taking an unacceptable length of time to read. Therefore you should only ever read the title and the introduction of any story. You should certainly never comment on the full content of a story, as that only encourages bores to do even more research. The accepted way to produce a K5 comment is as follows:

  1. Read title and introduction
  2. Invent a ludicrous opinion/statement that could be ascribed to the author of the story
  3. Attack the ludicrous statement with much sarcasm

Style of comments
Do not forget that there are two reasons for posting a comment on K5. The first is to insult someone, but the second is to demonstrate your intellectual superiority.
To prove your superiority, you should include as many links as possible in your posts. Remember, the more links the better. A good way to improve your link count is to always include a second link to the root of the website. For example, always refer to a story on the BBC.
Remember, too, that another way to demonstrate the ineffable, punctilious superiority of the style of your prose; is to propagate sentences of length tremendous: with many, many clauses separated by commas, semicolons and colons chosen with randomness apparent; also with many pairs of words reversed, long obscure adjectives chosen regardless of their actual meaning, and double negatives used instead of positives wherever it is not impossible.

Rating of comments
In spite of certain unsubstantiated rumours to the contrary, the purpose of comment ratings is to demonstrate your agreement or disagreement with the opinion. Therefore, you should make sure you follow these rules:

  1. If you agree, rate 5
  2. If you disagree, rate 1
  3. If you don't care, rate 4. This may give you an ally in future mod wars, but will not affect your own posts
If your comment is rated high, it means that you are the winner. If your comment is rated low, it means that someone is moderating unfairly, and you should complain loudly in your diary or subsequent comments.

Defining your terms
One of the things that makes K5 debate so refreshing is that there is no obligation to define your terms, even when they're complex and often understood in different ways. When you see a word like "hacking", "socialism" or "libertarianism", remember that the word means whatever you want it to mean. Decide what interpretation is easiest for you to attack, and use it.
When using a term with multiple interpretations, make sure that you never define the sense in which you are using it. This gives you much more flexibility: in a long thread you can change the meaning as often as you like, without anyone noticing in the heat of the debate.

Editorial comments
When you comment on a story in the queue, you will be asked whether it is "topical" or "editorial". Be careful here! It is tempting to choose editorial, since this will outline the comment in red, but be warned: when the story is posted, these comments disappear from the standard view. This is a sneaky trick by the admins to make your vitriolic abuse of the presentation disappear. So, make sure to post all your comments as topical, especially when they insult the presentation. This way your brilliant flames about spelling mistakes and broken links will be preserved for posterity.

There has been some debate over the precise meaning of the word troll, and even spurious suggestions on how to detect them. Ignore these: a troll is someone who disagrees with you. If you spot someone doing this, you should alert the community by posting a reply, preferably in capital letters. Because trolls are bad and should be silenced, it is important not to refer the content of the offending post in any way. Therefore you should never mention why you think the post is a troll. To counterbalance this you should be as offensive and emotional as possible. Trolls really hate it when they get an angry response, so to teach them a lesson, make the comment as angry as you can.

I hope this article has been of help. Further information on Internet debating is available from the Brunching website here. Under no circumstances should you read that entirely worthless document, the K5 FAQ.


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Related Links
o several
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o links
o story
o unsubstant iated rumours
o spurious suggestions
o Brunching
o here.
o K5 FAQ
o Also by TheophileEscargot

Display: Sort:
Guide to Commenting on K5 | 15 comments (9 topical, 6 editorial, 0 hidden)
-1 wrong topic (3.69 / 13) (#2)
by hulver on Thu Feb 07, 2002 at 05:08:21 AM EST

Change the topic, it's not funny. This should really be a diary anyway.

To the 5-raters (2.33 / 3) (#6)
by axxeman on Thu Feb 07, 2002 at 07:48:54 AM EST

This was, like, extremely predictable and stuff.

Desperately need Egyptologist. Can you help?
[ Parent ]

Definitely. (1.00 / 1) (#13)
by static on Thu Feb 07, 2002 at 05:29:00 PM EST

That way all us yokels who don't read the wanking section can easily avoid it.

Wade, gd&r.

[ Parent ]

this sh*t bugs me! (3.75 / 4) (#9)
by bsmfh on Thu Feb 07, 2002 at 10:50:55 AM EST

See, everbody says there is no K5 cabal (too lazy to link)....and then this sort of thing pops up in the queue, and it proves everything! ARGH! My blood is just boiling. I bet you voted for dubya, didn't you? [flame off]

I really laughed. thank you for helping us make fun of ourselves. --b

No jokes ? (2.00 / 1) (#10)
by mami on Thu Feb 07, 2002 at 12:12:41 PM EST

Not funny...

Resection (4.00 / 1) (#11)
by Mr. Piccolo on Thu Feb 07, 2002 at 12:21:50 PM EST

to "Round Table". It's getting a bit thin.

Oh yeah, and editorial comments don't disappear, they're just hidden until you select the all-important "All Comments" option.

The BBC would like to apologise for the following comment.

Starting comments in the subject (4.00 / 3) (#12)
by FattMattP on Thu Feb 07, 2002 at 04:56:50 PM EST

One thing that wasn't mentioned was to always start your comment in the subject and then continue it in the body of the message. Everyone loves that and it helps to make your comment all the more readable.

whoa..... (4.00 / 1) (#14)
by Lelon on Thu Feb 07, 2002 at 07:18:35 PM EST

that was one of the most pointless articles on k5. congrats!!! how many of your little edicts did i break with this comment???

This sig is a work in progress.
Re: whoa... Well, ... (5.00 / 1) (#15)
by TON on Fri Feb 08, 2002 at 02:29:37 AM EST

first, you most assuredly complied with the suggestions of one FattMattP. As to the edicts in question; defer I must to the originator of said edicts.

Additionally, your comment should have been editorial.

"First, I am born. Then, the trouble begins." -- Schizopolis


[ Parent ]

Guide to Commenting on K5 | 15 comments (9 topical, 6 editorial, 0 hidden)
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