The simplest way to introduce yourself to complaining on K5 is through the use of examples. As such, here's 10 sure fire ways to vent your frustration, whatever it may be.
Example #1: The old-timer
A kid tested, mom approved approach is to leverage your UID or your post count to bolster your complaint. Suggestions include 'I remember the DDOS, and even then it wasn't this bad' or 'I can look back to the days when this site had discussion'. Be careful though, as this approach warrants a 'oh yeah, well, my UID is lower than yours, pal!' rejoinder.
Example #2: The Slashdot gambit
If, at certain times, the level of trolling, and/or crapflooding rises in volume, the Slashdot gambit may be played. Phrases such as 'oh great, next thing you know frist p0st will appear', or 'rusty's middle name is taco' can be batted about with reckless abandon. Note: the clever poster will point out that this URL happens to point here.
Example #3: Monocle polish
A sure-fire method to express your anger is if you subscribed. In this variant, you can easily leverage the fact that you donated to K5, but have seen little results since, aside from hotlists and reply tracking. Bonus points go to those who equate server costs with Vespas and boats.
Example #4: Saddam strikes back
In the event K5 displeases you, make sure to lambaste the political submissions to the queue. Combining with the 'old-timer' play can work wonders here, but make sure to cite evidence, lest you be tripped up. A caution, however: be wary of posting against politics and arguing it at the same time, you may be caught!
Example #5: The ox cart defense
No matter how droll your post, nothing beats a good 'I would have posted something witty, but it took forever for K5 to load, so I gave up' excuse. Conspiracy theories, and general malaise can all find a happy home in this ploy, so dig in! Bonus goes to those who mention scoop patches or Google spidering.
Example #6: The roto-rooter
A variant of #2, but deserving of it's own place in the list. Those in the know can hardly scoff at a claim that crapflooding is ruining the site. Use terms like 'edit queue abuse' or '$USER is back again, when will rusty ban this guy?', and the road to success is free and clear.
Example #7: Single point failure
Sometimes you can't articulate your complaint towards K5 in general, but fear not, just use a scapegoat! Focus your anger on a single user, and in no time flat, you'll be feeling fine. Easy targets are people who spell their names with a lot of spaces, or turmeric.
Example #8: Illuminati
A spin off of the single point failure, but with a slightly different philosophy. Blaming secret groups, cabals, or rusty clones for K5's ills is a great stand-by manoeuvre. Don't lean too heavily on this one though, as many .sigs have been devoted disavowing such groups existence.
Example #9: Leaviní on a Jet Plane
Why just complain, when you can take action? Nothing gets your annoyance with K5 across better than threatening to leave. Make sure to pepper some of your better reasons for leaving with profanity for that extra punch. Be wary though, a common counter attack is the 'don't let the door hit your ass on the way out' play.
Example #10: Supersize your combo meal
Seasoned complaint masters will not use a single move, but intertwine many to craft their volley. Try showing how a single user is turning K5 into Slashdot. Argue that a cabal is responsible for the slowness. Call all political arguments crapfloods. The permutations are endless. Use 4 or more in one single complaint, and you are truly a Zen master.
This article serves only as an introduction to some of the most common modes of complaint on K5, ready willing, and able to do the job in the event of frustration. But by no means is this list complete. In fact, I hope you use this as a template to craft your own complaints to take K5 to the next level. Now rant on!