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Converting kuro5hin into a MMORPG

By richarj in Meta
Sat Oct 22, 2005 at 07:29:45 AM EST
Tags: Humour (all tags)

After many hours of playing the worlds best MMORPGs progress quest ,hearing rumours about some game called second life and reading that article about the new abuse reporting system, it occurred to me that kuro5hin could be turned into a MMORPG.

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comments (24)
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What is a MMORPG and how does K5 become one you ask?

MMORPG stands for Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game.

Massively means that there are at least um 200 or more players in the game at the same time (normally it means thousands). I believe that after conversion K5 will accommodate this many players, assuming of course that rusty upgrades the server from a 486.

Multiplayer and Online

K5 already meets these criteria.

Role Playing Game

This is where the real meat is. Players start out by choosing their class. In true fatalist style there is only one choice "nullo". "nullo" players then are given their first quest, to post a comment, diary or article (articles must be posted to either section or the front page). Once a "nullo" has posted something then that player changes class into "troll". There are only two other player classes "Meta Troll" and "Bot". Players can't be "Bots" because the are computer programs that autopost with no originality e.g. k5 weather. I'll get to "Meta Trolls" later


Like other MMORPG's K5 will have Guilds but they will be rather nebulous in nature. Each Guild is in fact a viewpoint, such as "The American Government Sucks", "Intelligent Design is a Fraud upon Science", "I will become immortal by my memes", "Kitten Sucks" etc. In fact a player can be a member of any guild at any time, the way it works is like this: in order to support their guild a player must post a comment, diary, story with that viewpoint as a major focus. Flamewars can now be renamed to Guild Wars. Unlike other MMORPG's there is no structure to a Guild, no leaders, no rewards except for the glory of fighting for the cause, and you can leave and join at any time.


So what will we expect from K5 MMORPG play? The most important part of any RPG and thus any MMORPG is content. K5 as a MMORPG is about player generated content i.e. comments, diaries and stories. All fighting is about that content whether that be modbombing or just plain trolling comments.

Players' stats

So far I have only fashioned one stat and that is understand-ability. Understand-ability is wether people understand your content in the way in which you want them to. Bad grammar, spelling etc don't affect Understand-ability as much as sentence structure so be relieved that mispelling a word does not decrease your stat.

Player alignment

Unlike the typical Good-Neutral-Evil of most RPG's I believe that on K5 a player must either be crazy or insane or somewhere inbetween. You can make your own mind up as to who is more crazy or insane, because they already have made their mind up about you.

"Meta Trolls"

The ultimate goal of any player is left up to them but I decided that having a few unique goals is the best way to encourage play. Since all content creating players are "trolls" how does one distinguish which players are better than the others? This is where the "Meta Troll" comes in, a player transcends trolldom to become a "Meta Troll" when their content creation cease to look like attempts at trolling. You might say I'm not a "troll" but frankly we all are, just get used to the fact. The other goals are to leave the game. This involves creating content in the diary section about how much the game sucks and you want to leave. This must be repeated over several weeks until you decide to either leave for greener pastures (Husi is just astroturf anyway) or stay on.

Whining is not a goal but rather a subgame. It can be played both ways, causing a player to whine or whining yourself. The most common whines are

  • I got modbombed by [insert name]
  • My story got voted down you bastards
  • [insert name] crap flooded my diary/story/conversation
  • Why do people zero my comment then reply to it? It's stupid.
While standard whines are ok, repeating them is boring. I believe we need more creative ways to whine.

Player Killing or pking

Althought it is impossible to kill other players (they have no health stats) it is possible to harass them to similar effect. Players do not own physical property in the game so the only real thing you can attack is their comments. The mean cruel people who do this can choose to either Crapflood a players Diary by filling it with inane comments or ModBomb them which involves rating as Zero as many of the victims comments as possible. Now with the abuse reporting additions this can reach greater heights, I am just not sure wether those heights are annoying the administrators or the other players.


There are many other subgames which can be played but that is getting me away from the conclusion. Once K5 has been turned into a MMORPG it will be more popular than before and more players means more fresh meat for trolling. So let the conversion begin.


Voxel dot net
o Managed Hosting
o VoxCAST Content Delivery
o Raw Infrastructure


Is K5 a game?
o Yes 30%
o No 1%
o It Soon Will Be 16%
o That's a Troll 30%
o Only to losers, I will continue intelligent conversation. 20%

Votes: 53
Results | Other Polls

Related Links
o Kuro5hin
o progress quest
o k5 weather
o Husi
o Also by richarj

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Converting kuro5hin into a MMORPG | 45 comments (32 topical, 13 editorial, 0 hidden)
only if i can sell my character (3.00 / 7) (#1)
by circletimessquare on Thu Oct 20, 2005 at 01:59:35 AM EST

for $50,000 to some rich retard

i have to be at level 99 by now

The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

if you can do that (3.00 / 3) (#22)
by Insoc on Thu Oct 20, 2005 at 08:43:40 PM EST

then surely I can sell my character as an "old" one that was never used to gain exp.

[ Parent ]
shaddup and.. (3.00 / 3) (#26)
by The Amazing Idiot on Fri Oct 21, 2005 at 02:21:13 AM EST

Carry my bags, mule.

[ Parent ]
Did you... (none / 1) (#39)
by BJH on Sat Oct 22, 2005 at 04:23:15 AM EST

...say something, n00b?
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
-- Oscar Levant

[ Parent ]
lol what (none / 1) (#42)
by Greener on Sat Oct 22, 2005 at 07:39:11 PM EST

[ Parent ]
Player killing (3.00 / 4) (#2)
by Czyl on Thu Oct 20, 2005 at 02:00:35 AM EST

How about combat systems related to comment rating and abuse reporting?

Now that there's an abuse reporting system, groups of players could even try to mark one another down or incite abusive comments from their targets until Rusty zaps their account (a 'kill').

If I had a nickel for every half-ass K5 submission (3.00 / 5) (#3)
by Pirengle on Thu Oct 20, 2005 at 04:00:50 AM EST

I could buy circletimessquare's character and use him for PK target practice.

Gotta do some more MMORPG homework. It's too meta to love.

A sure-fire way to make friends and influence people: transform the letters "l" and "i" into "-1"s whenever posting. Instant wit!
dude, give me $50,000 (3.00 / 3) (#4)
by circletimessquare on Thu Oct 20, 2005 at 05:18:40 AM EST

i will totally give you my password and you will be the new circletimessquare


please, give me the money


maybe i can buy the old tumeric account for $10

The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]

How about... (2.50 / 2) (#9)
by BJH on Thu Oct 20, 2005 at 07:32:59 AM EST

...you give us money and shut up?
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
-- Oscar Levant

[ Parent ]
you don't know how extortion works (none / 1) (#14)
by circletimessquare on Thu Oct 20, 2005 at 12:46:20 PM EST

give me $50,000 and you'll never hear form me here ever again

The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]
I wasn't talking about extortion. (2.83 / 6) (#27)
by BJH on Fri Oct 21, 2005 at 04:03:37 AM EST

I want compensation.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
-- Oscar Levant

[ Parent ]
Progress quest? (3.00 / 11) (#8)
by Kasreyn on Thu Oct 20, 2005 at 07:13:41 AM EST

It is to barf. Allow me to quote from the whimsically-titled "info" page:

Since time before time the Vorlak had held the Crosshutch at Thraeskamp. The ancient reckoning held that the Five Skrelkampi (and their Truebine) would return when the great Trond-feast could be held anew and the Belnap reunited. But this legend became lost to all but the Papperboxen at Horbug. One of their own was Yallow the Speldrig, who found an unlikely pupil in Torbole Understeady, the discarded illigitimate waif of Wainthane Topknox, whom Yallow renamed Grumdrig and began to school as a boar-pulmet's apprentice. ...And, as it was said by some, in aberdoxy.

@_@ *gets dizzy and falls down*

Help help! The Yallows are Speldrigging my Aberdoxy Papperboxen!!

"Extenuating circumstance to be mentioned on Judgement Day:
We never asked to be born in the first place."

R.I.P. Kurt. You will be missed.
Ew, you used an animu smiley [nt] (none / 1) (#32)
by Patrick Chalmers on Fri Oct 21, 2005 at 11:56:16 AM EST

Holy crap, working comment search!
[ Parent ]
man did you even play it. (none / 1) (#43)
by Cloud Cuckoo on Sun Oct 23, 2005 at 12:07:20 AM EST

it doesnt really get going until level 30 or so.

[ Parent ]
I give this troll a 7 out of 10 (1.00 / 6) (#12)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Thu Oct 20, 2005 at 09:22:54 AM EST

It would be a good idea, but the execution is boring.


Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.

Yea (none / 0) (#13)
by codejack on Thu Oct 20, 2005 at 11:52:18 AM EST

But then all the meta-trolls will start whining about how powerful the bots are, and you'll have class balancing issues, and the whole thing will go to hell. And what about expansion packs? Would you come out with new sections and topics? A tradeskills system would be interesting, too.

Please read before posting.

I find your arguments compelling... (none / 1) (#15)
by creativedissonance on Thu Oct 20, 2005 at 01:04:38 PM EST

and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

ay yo i run linux and word on the street
is that this is where i need to be to get my butt stuffed like a turkey - br14n
priority (none / 0) (#23)
by demi on Thu Oct 20, 2005 at 09:05:15 PM EST


Damn it.... (none / 0) (#24)
by superdiva on Thu Oct 20, 2005 at 10:27:29 PM EST

I was going to lob off a diary about how trolling has become more performance art/role playing.  You have a character like "Goth Girl" who interacts with other characters who try making the characters a somewhat ridiculous but some semblance of a real person.

Very interesting article.  1FP from me.

-1 If we're all trolls, what is a troll? (none / 0) (#28)
by A synx on Fri Oct 21, 2005 at 04:54:02 AM EST

As a member of the "I will become immortal by my memes" clan, I have to stand by the statement that we're not all trolls.  We can't all be trolls.  If everyone is a troll, then the term 'troll' becomes a tautology, not useful for arguing or classifying. Sure, if you define troll as "Someone who posts stuff" or "Someone who breathes air" then we all fall under it, but so what?  A troll is someone who deliberately posts inflammatory dialogue, designed disrupt the topic of conversation with a concocted flame war.  If you insinuate that by posting, we're all doing that, then I cry foul. Just because you see yourself as a troll doesn't mean that everyone is a mirror of your stiff moral fibre.

there are not trolls only trollish behaviour (none / 1) (#29)
by m a r c on Fri Oct 21, 2005 at 06:24:03 AM EST

Maybe the 'everyone is a troll' comment is more a light hearted poke at the fact that you can never detect anyone's sincerity, and that trollish behaviour is often exhibited out of boredem not malice.
I got a dog and named him "Stay". Now, I go "Come here, Stay!". After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.
[ Parent ]
Exactly (none / 0) (#36)
by richarj on Fri Oct 21, 2005 at 10:08:34 PM EST

And remember this is about Role Playing not reality.

"if you are uncool, don't worry, K5 is still the place for you!" -- rusty
[ Parent ]
It already is (3.00 / 5) (#30)
by United Fools on Fri Oct 21, 2005 at 07:11:23 AM EST

The world is already a multiplayer playground, isn't it? Why create another one?

One is already too much for us fools to handle.

We are united, we are fools, and we are America!

out of the mouth of fools (3.00 / 3) (#33)
by circletimessquare on Fri Oct 21, 2005 at 05:59:15 PM EST

the most insightful thing i've ever heard about mmorpgs

games like the sims allows you to do all of these things...


seriously, MMORPGs are the future, just look at korea, and i am in no way innocent of being addicted to a computer game, but part of me still has to say to the all of the evercrack addicts out there: GET A FUCKING LIFE

seriously, it's ok to play MMORPGs

but it's NOT ok to play them anymore than 10 hours a week

you're substituting your life for a phantom one, which speaks more of your own devaluation of your own life, that oyu would hold it in such low disregard

howabout you do something with your real life that will make you value it again?

The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]

so this means actual sword fights (3.00 / 2) (#31)
by neozeed on Fri Oct 21, 2005 at 11:33:19 AM EST

with kitten?

I'll pass.

Unless you're alive you can't play. And if you don't play, you don't get to be alive.

just remember: (3.00 / 2) (#34)
by Lode Runner on Fri Oct 21, 2005 at 06:28:07 PM EST

you can't all be Leeroy Jenkins.

What kind of idiotic stat is 'understandability'? (none / 1) (#35)
by cburke on Fri Oct 21, 2005 at 09:10:46 PM EST

We're talking about stats, as in statistic, as in number you can measure, or more specifically that the system measures.  Everyone knows that's what makes an RPG is stats, aka numbers.  You're trying to make something completely subjective, like "skillz0rs", into a stat.  It won't work, and doesn't even fit the rest of the gameplay, which is about trolling.

The "stats" that k5 keeps track of are limited, mostly the number of comments/stories and statistics about them, such as replies and ratings.  The last here are the most relevent to measuring success.  The success of a troll should be measured by the number of replies, and the number of ratings.  Not the value of a rating.  The point is you trained some pigeon to push the button in response to your posting, so whether it was a positive or negative reaction that resulted in the button-pushing is irrelevent.  

Sadly k5 doesn't already track total ratings and total replies, or we'd have a useful metric on hand.  

Then again, given how silly "understandability" is as a stat, I'm starting to think that you aren't really serious about making an MMORPG out of k5, and this is all just meta-wankery.

Meta-wankery I say!

Role Playing (none / 0) (#37)
by richarj on Fri Oct 21, 2005 at 10:27:06 PM EST

Is called Role Playing because you play a Role. If it was all about stats then it would be called Stats Playing, hence Progress Quest. You have fallen into a common misconception about Role Playing Games, stats is the one thing most good RPG designers are trying to eliminate or at least limit. Maybe I should have chosen something more like believability, because you need that to troll.

Unfortunately there is no section called Meta-Wankery to file my story under so I had to choose Meta-Humour

"if you are uncool, don't worry, K5 is still the place for you!" -- rusty
[ Parent ]
double boing now linking to this (none / 0) (#40)
by karson on Sat Oct 22, 2005 at 01:21:07 PM EST

Cory Doctorow has now posted about this article. Now if someone can only tell him that scoop is not a "modified version of slash".

Does that mean he's playing? $ (none / 0) (#41)
by nate s on Sat Oct 22, 2005 at 03:49:36 PM EST

[ Parent ]
It is (none / 1) (#44)
by damiam on Sun Oct 23, 2005 at 02:28:19 PM EST

Scoop started as a fork of Slash, a long time ago.

[ Parent ]
little late to this, but... (none / 0) (#45)
by kpaul on Wed Nov 02, 2005 at 03:55:22 PM EST

bigzaphod and i talked about this a while back...

2014 Halloween Costumes

Converting kuro5hin into a MMORPG | 45 comments (32 topical, 13 editorial, 0 hidden)
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