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How to get your story posted to kuro5hin

By mcgrew in Meta
Sat Feb 12, 2005 at 09:36:40 AM EST
Tags: Kuro5hin.org (all tags)

Some people have whined that it's just too darned hard to get a story posted, particularly to the front page.

Well, your troubles are over. There is no need for "administrative action" to get your story posted. Indeed, K5's present membership base is far more lenient about what they allow to be published than some of the dearly departed K5 losers who have committed suicide.

Here are ten guidelines to getting enough votes to get your story posted to section, if not the front page. Well, at least to get my vote.

Some of these are guidelines, and some are hard and fast rules. With any creative endeavor, rules can be broken. However, before you break any of them, be sure you thoroughly understand the rules and their reason for existence.

1. Have something to say
Face it, we can't all be localroger. Some of us have been cursed with creativity, and the luckier of you can simply sit back and enjoy our madness. If you have nothing to say, then stop right there, unless you are a very, very good writer.

Do you have a hobby? An area of expertise? If you can make your hobby interesting to us, we'll vote it up. If you make it really, really interesting we'll vote it Front Page.

2. Have a three digit IQ
K5's readership has been traditionally more intelligent than most sites on the web, although there are, of course, exceptions. If you are among the lower 50 percentile mark in reasoning ability (i.e., I.Q.<100), then see guideline #3

3. Be funny
If you can make me laugh, you'll get my vote. And lots of other votes, too.

You don't have to be smart to be funny. In fact, considering the limited reasoning abilities of some clowns, intelligence seems to be a hindrance to humor.

Remember, boys, girls, and spambots, the one thing that makes us different than the other pathetic animals on this planet is our sense of humor. Except you spambots, of course.

4. Read something besides the internet and People Magazine.
I believe you'll find that the most published Kurobots are also the ones who have read the most books. Books - you know, those funny looking square things made out of dead trees. These are always edited, usually by editors who actually know the language.

It's hard to get a story posted when you're only semiliterate. The way to becoming more literate is to read more literature. And I'm not talking about crap on the internet, either.

The more you read, the better you'll write. The better you write the more people will vote for your dumb story.

5. Be controversial
Although I personally voted against this story, it is a good example of how to be controversial by being completely "over the top." If you get a lot of discussion while your story is in the edit que, you'll have some folks voting it up just to preserve the comments.

6. Know what you're talking about
Don't write an article about guitars unless you're a luthier or a guitarist. If you're the co-founder of Wikipedia you would be foolish to write a story about your goldfish. Unless, of course, your goldfish is funny or controversial. Or unless you have a story about how to keep your goldfish alive. Or unless you can write like Stephen King.

You're going to get flak from K5ers if you get posted, and most of this flak will be from people who think they understand, but really have no clue.

7. Don't just slop down the first thing that comes to mind
There are two possible bad consequences to sitting down, rattling off some ill-concieved piece of crap and submitting it. The first is that your story will be dumped unceremoniously in about thirty minutes time. Even worse, they might vote your bad story up, and you'll have to live with the damned thing.

You will find that some of K5's better contributors think about a story for weeks or months, then write.

8. Proofread! And never, ever send a story to vote without the edit queue
You will make typos, unless you're incredibly lucky or you're Isaac Asimov reincarnated. After you've written your article, read it! Ask yourself, if someone else had written it, would I enjoy it? If not, then it is certain to be dumped. Figure out what you don't like about your story and change it.

The edit queue is there for a very good reason. People will point out typos, misspellings, factual errors, non-erroneous facts they think are errors, plus of course they will add some trolling, flaming, bashing, and crapflooding. After all, this is K5.

9. Have a thick skin
Because, you know, you're going to get voted down. Because, well, YOU FAIL IT!

...and so do I. We all do. Believe it or not, we all get voted down. Even our peerless leader.

10. Have 80 nullo dup accounts
How do you think rmg gets posted FP?


Voxel dot net
o Managed Hosting
o VoxCAST Content Delivery
o Raw Infrastructure


Which rule did mcgrew shatter in this story?
o None of them 2%
o #1 1%
o #2 4%
o #3 8%
o #4 2%
o #5 7%
o #6 2%
o #7 1%
o #8 4%
o #9 0%
o #10 7%
o all of them 18%
o screw this, -1, resection to trash can 37%

Votes: 69
Results | Other Polls

Related Links
o whined
o localroger
o exceptions
o make me laugh
o some clowns
o this story
o co-founder of Wikipedia
o people who think they understand, but really have no clue.
o dumped unceremoniously
o bad story
o K5's better contributors
o our peerless leader
o nullo dup accounts
o Also by mcgrew

Display: Sort:
How to get your story posted to kuro5hin | 61 comments (22 topical, 39 editorial, 0 hidden)
Oh, come on. (1.20 / 5) (#3)
by I Mean What I Write on Wed Feb 09, 2005 at 10:49:10 PM EST

You totally fail on four of the ten points you've outlined and you still get your swill posted to the front page.

P.S.: Congratulations on not mastering the art of the ordered list despite your numerous article postings.

You thnk I should use the <ol> tag? nah... (none / 0) (#35)
by mcgrew on Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 05:05:38 PM EST

"The entire neocon movement is dedicated to revoking mcgrew's posting priviliges. This is why we went to war with Iraq." -LilDebbie
[ Parent ]

Rule #9 applies to this article (1.66 / 3) (#8)
by shinnin on Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 04:12:35 AM EST

IAWTP (none / 0) (#15)
by mcgrew on Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 08:09:22 AM EST

"The entire neocon movement is dedicated to revoking mcgrew's posting priviliges. This is why we went to war with Iraq." -LilDebbie
[ Parent ]

You fogot: (1.40 / 5) (#18)
by dteeuwen on Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 08:27:26 AM EST

only post totally gay computer stuff that 10-year-olds will read and feel smart about.


Down the slopes of death he rides
The eight hooves pound like drums
Darkness reigns the crumbling sky
Invasion has begun

You know what? (2.50 / 2) (#21)
by jonny dov on Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 12:20:04 PM EST

I thought it was a pretty neat article.

This fails it (2.16 / 6) (#27)
by mikepence on Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 04:06:51 PM EST

The challenge of writing a how-to piece about writing is to do it without violating your own advice.

"1. Have something to say"

I'm not sure that simplistic advice on writing is enough of "something" to make a compelling article. I'm not feeling it.

"2. Have a three digit IQ"

You do have to be smart to be funny and even monkeys have a sense of humor. "Be smart" is such obvious advice that it is dumb to mention it.

"4. Read something besides the internet and People Magazine."

Reading will not make you a writer any more than watching porn will make you a great lover. It might help, but it is no solution in itself.

"5. Be contoversial"

Howard Stern is controversial, that does not make him a good writer. Conflict is more important than controversy, and being a bit subversive -- misbehaving on the page -- builds intimacy with your reader as they become your partner in crime through the act of reading.

"6. Know what you're talking about"

No. Write what you are passionate about, even if you are a newbie. Just don't try to bullshit the reader into thinking you are an expert or posess more intelligence about something than you do.

Unless you are Ann Coulter or one of many other conservative pundits. Then you can be clueless, even idiotic, and the faithful will still love you.

"7. Don't just slop down the first thing that comes to mind"

No, no, no. Slop it down, rattle it off, but get it on the page. Hemingway said, "First drafts are shit." Expect to revise your article many times, but don't suppress what comes from your gut.

"8. Proofread! And never, ever send a story to vote without the edit queue..."

I agree with this, for the most part. However, time-sensitive stories should not languish in the edit queue for days or they lose their novelty.

"9. Have a thick skin"

Absolutely. Never take criticism of your work personally -- we all continuously learn -- but don't accept endless abuse from the asshole trolls here who think that they are funny. Always have a second or third choice for a web site that may accept your work.

Reading will not make you a writer (3.00 / 2) (#43)
by janra on Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 02:35:05 AM EST

No, it won't make you a writer, but if you don't read you won't have nearly enough familiarity with the written form of the language to be any kind of writer.

Call it a prerequisite - necessary, but not sufficient. :-)
Discuss the art and craft of writing
That's the problem with world domination... Nobody is willing to wait for it anymore, work slowly towards it, drink more and enjoy the ride more.
[ Parent ]

I would love it very much (1.25 / 4) (#28)
by The Jewish Liberal Media Conspiracy on Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 04:41:32 PM EST

If this didn't get posted.
This account has been anonymized.
What a waste of your time (1.00 / 17) (#40)
by D Jade on Thu Feb 10, 2005 at 09:24:17 PM EST

Jesus McGrew, what are you doing man? This is the biggest piece of shit I've ever read from you.

Please stick to your diaries about your pathetic little life spent in bars listening to shit bands from now on. They're much more entertaining and they actually make you kind of likeable.

This kind of shit just cancels that out and makes me want to hate you.

You're a shitty troll, so stop pretending you have more of a life than a cool dude -- HollyHopDrive

The rules for getting posted on K5 (2.25 / 4) (#42)
by jd on Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 01:49:03 AM EST

Are to be found under the K5 Convention of 2004 in the Mornington Crescent Supplement 5A Section 3. However, having said supplement is in clear violation of those rules.

(For those new to Mornington Crescent, all I can say is that it is very much like a philosophy class when seriously drunk. The thing that makes Mornington Crescent so great is that everyone else is the same way.)

-1, strong anti-fool bias (2.70 / 10) (#44)
by United Fools on Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 02:53:47 AM EST

"three digit IQ", "some clowns", "reading books"... sorry, you are showing strong bias against fools. For that reason we are calling people to vote -1 and to dump this article. Next time show less bias and you may have a chance.
We are united, we are fools, and we are America!
But what of #2? (none / 0) (#59)
by mcgrew on Mon Feb 14, 2005 at 09:42:33 PM EST

Besides, so far I've dissed gays, women, blacks, whites, Mexicans, Canadians (oops, I already said "whites"), Asians, stoners, drunks, athiests, Christians, Bhuddist, Moslems, and Kurobots. I have to work hard, I don't want to die until I've offended every single special interest group on the planet!

"The entire neocon movement is dedicated to revoking mcgrew's posting priviliges. This is why we went to war with Iraq." -LilDebbie
[ Parent ]

-1, for the sheer irony of it :) (none / 1) (#49)
by elver on Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 03:27:23 PM EST

or .. (none / 0) (#52)
by gwooph on Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 04:39:55 PM EST

doesnt auto-post include some kind of ranking for comments?

so if people just keep replying to this one, then this article will get posted despite being at 22 after 263 votes at the moment?

in which case, the 80 dupe accounts arent needed, because you can just have people reply to comments and as long as it hits auto-post you're done.

-1 troll (1.25 / 4) (#53)
by Big Sexxy Joe on Fri Feb 11, 2005 at 08:31:46 PM EST

I'm tired of seeing troll stories on the front page.

For the record, it has never been hard to get your stories posted here.  Just put a little effort in and don't whine like a bitch.

I'm like Jesus, only better.
Democracy Now! - your daily, uncensored, corporate-free grassroots news hour

-1, unecessarily complex (1.25 / 8) (#54)
by Dont Fear The Reaper on Sat Feb 12, 2005 at 01:59:29 AM EST

Here's a shorter and far more elegant method in ten easy steps:
  1. Register an account.
  2. Click "New Story."
  3. Point your moniter straight up.
  4. Turn around and drop your pants.
  5. Squeeze a nice log out your poop shoot, directly into the input boxes.
  6. Optionally check "Request editorial feedback before voting."
  7. Choose a topic.
  8. Choose a section.
  9. Click "Preview."
  10. Click "Submit."

the funny thing is (2.80 / 5) (#56)
by tert on Sat Feb 12, 2005 at 12:40:49 PM EST

the comment you cited with "people who think they understand, but really have no clue." was, I felt, the most valuable part of that story.  mcgrew, you do yourself no service by clinging to a misunderstanding about the effects of aliasing.

the sole effect of aliasing in frequencies below the nyquist limit for a given sampling rate is to generate a large amount of high frequency distortion.  but all of this high frequency distortion is guaranteed to occur above the nyquist limit, and most good DACs have a thorough analog filter to scrub everything above the nyquist limit.  a well-designed digital audio system will produce the 19khz sinewave sampled at 44khz PERFECTLY, it will only scrub (completely) all >22khz harmonics.  if you wanted these harmonics, that sucks, but there is absolutely no ambiguity here: the 19khz sinewave is reproduced perfectly.

don't believe me?  go read up on some sampling theory.  i wrote a lot of sound software prior to reading "The Scientist and Engineer's Guide to Digital Signal Processing" (http://www.dspguide.com), but i still found the first few chapters of this book to be extremely eye opening.  can't say it's the best book, but it's the best free one i've found online.

i know, it sucks to hear someone say "i was once ignorant like you, then i..."  but please trust me here, there is a wealth of totally unintuitive facts about sampling in any good DSP book that will revolutionize the way you think about digital audio.

this constitutes my very first post on kuro5hin.  i almost posted when your original digital vs. analog article showed up, but i searched the comments and saw mindstrm's unrebutted correction so i was mollified.  to see you months later dragging his name through the mud because you can't understand that a mere comment-poster might know more about digital sampling than the venerable author of a kuro5hin article...it reminds me of the 'why wikipedia must jettison its anti-elitism.'  i'm constantly blown away by the large amount of crap that IS accepted here that is written by people who do not know the subject matter.  we are nerds, are we not?  are we not compulsively competent in exactly one area?  why do we write about anything else?

don't take it too personally -- maybe you forgot some of the dumb stuff you said in your original digital vs. analog article.  i'm reacting to the guy who wrote "By contrast, a CD doesn't even hit 15khz without horrible distortion. A little third grade math using graph paper explains why. A 15khz tone recorded on a CD has only three samples per cycle!" flaming the guy who corrected him.  maybe you really meant that all of the super-high-frequency harmonics of that 15khz tone would be horribly distorted.  in that case you would have been right.  but it's not what you wrote.  it's a reasonable mistake, and one i made constantly before i looked at a bunch of frequency-domain illustrations of the effects of sampling.  it's just not the sort of mistake you should stand up for when given a second chance.

yeah, if i ever do this whole comment thing again, maybe i'll learn brevity.

Your first post? (none / 0) (#58)
by mcgrew on Mon Feb 14, 2005 at 09:42:01 PM EST

I'm honored!

"The entire neocon movement is dedicated to revoking mcgrew's posting priviliges. This is why we went to war with Iraq." -LilDebbie
[ Parent ]

someone should wrtie a real article (none / 1) (#57)
by klem on Sun Feb 13, 2005 at 01:35:23 PM EST


mcgrew r0x0rs (none / 0) (#60)
by CheeseburgerBrown on Tue Feb 15, 2005 at 05:40:25 PM EST

I am from a small, unknown country in the north called Ca-na-da. We are a simple, grease-loving people who enjoy le weeke
ok (none / 0) (#61)
by soart on Mon Jun 20, 2005 at 11:12:36 PM EST

How to get your story posted to kuro5hin | 61 comments (22 topical, 39 editorial, 0 hidden)
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