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[P]
Kuro5hin Needs More Users

By a beautiful goat in Meta
Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 02:53:11 AM EST
Tags: Humour (all tags)
Humour

Kuro5hin is in danger of losing its relevance. What makes a website like this worth visiting is if there are many users contributing to it and currently there are not enough contributions to this site to keep it interesting. Whilst in its heydey in 2001 it clocked up approximately 100 million page views per day and had almost half a billion regular users, the current statistics are less exciting. Only six comments have been posted in the past year and usually there is only one page view per week, from the monkeys in Berlin zoo who have internet in their cage. The site needs to be much more dynamic. We need to think up ways to get more users contributing. Below are a few ideas which I think may help:

  • Pay people to contribute.
  • Disguise Kuro5hin as a more popular website and trick people into contributing.
  • Employ bots which will mimic real users, posting randomly-generated comments and stories.
  • Make Kuro5hin ultra-hip and then use viral marketing to promote it.
  • Cause the passage of time to be accelerated so that the site seems to be more busy.
  • Promote Kuro5hin in establishments such as mental hospitals, nursing homes and prisons, where people don't have much to do but have interesting opinions.

  • Inside I will discuss these ideas and ask for additional ones.


    Pay

    This idea is interesting and has possibilities. But if you paid people to contribute would they make worthwhile contributions or would they just make up any old rubbish in order to get some cash? Instead of using money a system of rewards and punishments should be used which could be dispensed according to the perceived quality of the contributions received. Ten honest Kuro5hinites would have to be chosen to judge the work of the paid lackeys/whores. If they found the work to be good, they would reward the lackeys with cream cakes and other treats, or perhaps by rubbing cream on them. If the whores did not come up with the goods they would be tied up in fetish gear and whipped. One drawback with this plan is that fetishists may game the system in order to receive some kind of twisted sexual satisfaction. But there is nothing which can be done about this, unfortunately, it is just a risk which Kuro5hin will have to take.

    Disguise As Another Site

    This plan also has many benefits. By disguising itself as another site, such as the MSN website or a high-traffic porn site, Kuro5hin would draw in numerous users who would otherwise probably not ever have visited, and will garner contributions from a much wider range of people. Instead of just self-confessed geeks contributing we will have wonderful and enlightening contributions from truck drivers, soccer moms, gay activists, President Clinton, undersea explorers, and surfer dudes, not to mention from professional choreographers and cooks. Each week Kuro5hin's disguise could be changed and a different domain hijacked in order to draw in the most diverse range of people possible. The only sites which should not be impersonated are Slashdot and Hulver's site, and Kuro5hin itself.

    Employ Bots

    This idea may draw the most criticism since normally website administrators do not like robots contributing garbage to their sites. In Kuro5hin's case, however, such a move may be a step up from the current level of discourse. Also even a bot posting to a diary where someone has stated that they intend to kill themselves and is desperate for some kind of response may save a life, and any reduction in the current shockingly high suicide rate amongst users certainly outweighs the minor irritation which would be caused by having garbage posted indiscriminately across the site. Heaven knows, far too many Kuro5hinites have killed themselves recently and it is affecting stock prices. Valuable regular contributors Jack Wagner and Charles F Wilson both offed themselves last week in a pact which involved them tying themselves together and jumping into a shark-infested swimming pool while kissing passionately, and this was by no means the first suicide pact amongst Kuro5hin users. Suicidal ideation and NIWS caused an international furore in 2002 when they blew themselves up at an emergency session of the UN Security Council.

    Make Kuro5hin Ultra-Hip

    Kuro5hin is already pretty hip, despite the occasional posts from people who think it is OK to be a geek. The colour scheme is reasonable, and there have been a few cool stories posted during the site's lifetime, in addition to the rather uncool ones. We can't just get rid of the geeks, though, despite them liking exceedingly lame things like fantasy role-playing and contributing to community websites. After all, did not Jesus say "live and let live"? But it may still be possible for Kuro5hin to move from being hip to being ultra-hip. It will, however, require a concerted effort on behalf of everyone here.

    If every K5 user learned just one piece of current street slang and used it regularly, the hipness of the site in general could be increased by as much as 15%. It is suggested that the term "dawg" be used more often, as well as the phrases "chill, fool", "word up" and "quit jivin' me, turkey". In addition any users with beards or moustaches should immediately remove them (except those with goatees), and all users should stop liking heavy metal. Each user should also employ a personal stylist and move to either New York, Los Angeles or a trendy European city. As a result of these simple measures we would see an influx of beautiful female scientists, jazz vocalists, and racing drivers.

    Accelerate Time

    This is probably the most difficult and the least rewarding of the options. For a start nobody has yet managed to change the rate at which time passes, although people have been trying throughout history.

    While it may be possible through the use of mind-expanding drugs to change the perceived rate of the passage of time, ordinarily drug users experience time slowing down, which would make the site even more boring. If a drug could be devised which would make time seem to pass faster, then we may have found the ideal solution to Kuro5hin's problems. Another solution would be for K5 users to take high doses of sedatives so that they slept for the majority of the time and were only fully awake for one hour per week. This would match the rate at which K5 is updated, leading to increased user satisfaction. The drawback would be that users would be completely useless in any other respect due to their excessive sleepiness, and would not be able to ride motorcycles.

    Promote in Institutions

    This is easily the most workable solution of those I have suggested, and I personally cannot see any drawbacks to the plan. It might require the installation of special kiosks in these institutions to allow the inmates access to the site, but once this was done the level of informed debate would skyrocket.

    These suggestions are just a start. It is up to us as a community to make this site popular once again. Are you ready, Kuro5hin? Go!

    Sponsors

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    Login

    Poll
    Can Kuro5hin make it to the top of the pile?
    o Yes 11%
    o No 14%
    o It's already there 16%
    o Why should it want to? 57%

    Votes: 84
    Results | Other Polls

    Related Links
    o Slashdot
    o Kuro5hin
    o Also by a beautiful goat


    Display: Sort:
    Kuro5hin Needs More Users | 99 comments (83 topical, 16 editorial, 0 hidden)
    K5 Phrase Translator {tm} (2.58 / 12) (#2)
    by Peahippo on Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 12:03:30 PM EST

    Input: "K5 needs more users."

    Output: "K5 needs more people who think like me, since I'm tired of people taking opposing viewpoints."

    Conclusion: "Sleazebag."


    HA! (2.53 / 13) (#3)
    by 6502 on Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 12:23:14 PM EST

    You piss away contributors and regular posters through organized queue manipulation and abusive antics and now you cry? Because inside K5 gamesmanship and naval gazing is more important than publishing material worth reading. Right!?!?! HA! You assholes knew this would happen. You had your fun shitting over the all the regular users and now they left. So you're alone. WAAAA! Nobody to read or care about your crapfloods, meaningless "joke" queue submissions, or high-school clique warfare. But without anyone left to play your pathetic jokes upon, just what will you do? Why don't you go over and play in the Dailykos sandbox? I'm sure kos will let you shit all over his site. Right?

    k5 has benn through several lulls (none / 0) (#4)
    by CodeWright on Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 12:58:40 PM EST

    at least, in the time ive been here...

    --
    A: Because it destroys the flow of conversation.
    Q: Why is top posting dumb? --clover_kicker

    [ Parent ]
    Been here since 2000... (2.68 / 16) (#8)
    by 6502 on Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 01:42:29 PM EST

    ...since before the first big crash. What you're seeing with the hit stats are anonymous readers clicking through google on individual searches. What you're seeing with low new diary submissions and few real queue submissions is a real indication of how bad off K5 is from a readership standpoint. What is there to READ here? Nothing.

    Why bother submitting something serious to the queue when you know it will be rejected without regard to content? It's all about troll group membership and presenting self-referential postmodern jokes on the impending death of K5, crapflooding the queue, or trolling away about some other meaningless drivel. No one except you assholes cares about reading that shit. The pathetic fucks who had the time to live on K5 and organize by IRC were able to control the queue with a small membership and plenty of bogus accounts. Everyone else got sick of the bullshit and just left. Hence, you're all alone now. WAAAAA! Isn't it amazing how you trolls NEED AN AUDIENCE?!?!?!?! And yet neurotic behavior pushes them away. Awwwwww, what sad lonely cases. Maybe a caring shrink can help mend your collective burdened souls.

    Or maybe you think you'll find another sandbox to shit into. Go ahead. Try playing these games on dailykos or redstate. See how long you last. While those sites may have obvious groupthink imposed top down, one thing you can say about them is at least they attract real people who care about their issues. And those who troll there must contribute in such a way that at least they're interesting and not offensive to the group. The editors won't allow trolls to destroy group cohesion, as rusty did here. Not that K5 trolls wound up killing groupthink (as they so claimed they would). No, the trolls and other members just founded their own highschool cliques, imposing their own tyranny of a minority. A fine groupthink example of tragedy of the commons. So enjoy posting your joke "K5 is dying!" joke submissions, because inside I bet you're mourning the loss.

    Dumbasses. Ya pissed in everyone's soup and now no one is left to eat it but you. ROR! Enjoy!

    [ Parent ]

    Has gang-voting happened recently? (none / 0) (#9)
    by jongleur on Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 02:33:16 PM EST

    I can't think of any high-quality stories that have gotten voted down, at all, recently. Are you sure you're not just dredging stuff up from the past? I don't think evil trolls have the vigor they had back at its worst.
    --
    "If you can't imagine a better way let silence bury you" - Midnight Oil
    [ Parent ]
    I have a link for you (3.00 / 2) (#89)
    by mcgrew on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 07:42:36 PM EST

    Look at the poll in this story. And why is that typo there? Move to vote. I had no chance to do any editing whatever. And it's getting pretty damned old, too.

    How would you like to be me, with "people" (and I use the word extremely loosely) like vera and zorba77 around? Most people couldn't put up with that shit, nor should I have to. But I'm a tard.

    "The entire neocon movement is dedicated to revoking mcgrew's posting priviliges. This is why we went to war with Iraq." -LilDebbie
    [ Parent ]

    Oh come on (2.75 / 4) (#12)
    by Psychopath on Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 03:10:50 PM EST

    now stop this "you evil trolls are 12-yo pimple faces with mental issues". It's getting old too.
    --
    The only antidote to mental suffering is physical pain. -- Karl Marx
    [ Parent ]
    na some of em are older (3.00 / 4) (#23)
    by WetherMan on Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 08:07:21 PM EST

    but they're just as fucked up and anti-social.

    why do you think most of em spout math & physics crap at eachother?

    ah, that's right, they're socially retarded.

    I wonder how it must feel to some of these guys the day they realize that book smarts doesn't get you everywhere in life, and in many cases makes you a pariah.  maybe you get trolls...
    ---
    fluorescent lights make me look like old hot dogs
    [ Parent ]

    Oooh, insight! (none / 0) (#45)
    by Booji Boy on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 09:05:36 AM EST

    /coddles physics degree

    [ Parent ]
    shaddup (2.40 / 5) (#24)
    by CodeWright on Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 08:55:08 PM EST

    i'm a paying member of k5 and have been since rusty first turned on donations. uid:406

    i've been a contributing participant in k5 since you were still filling your troll nappies.

    --
    A: Because it destroys the flow of conversation.
    Q: Why is top posting dumb? --clover_kicker

    [ Parent ]
    I wonder if my subscription has finally lapsed... (none / 1) (#26)
    by 6502 on Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 11:11:55 PM EST

    ...I've paid rusty twice. Fool me thrice... double shame on me. *sigh*

    [ Parent ]
    CodeWright has posted [...] 1 story (none / 0) (#43)
    by Anonymous Howards End on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 08:48:52 AM EST

    View stories posted by CodeWright

    Found results.

    ...
    --
    CodeWright, you are one cowardly hypocritical motherfucker.
    [ Parent ]

    bite me... (none / 1) (#47)
    by CodeWright on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 10:24:46 AM EST

    ...so i don't fill the queue with mental diarrhoea, so what?

    that should be a point in my favour.

    no tests of the emergency W system.

    --
    A: Because it destroys the flow of conversation.
    Q: Why is top posting dumb? --clover_kicker

    [ Parent ]
    If we all do as you do then K5 is already dead (none / 0) (#75)
    by Anonymous Howards End on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 01:11:17 PM EST

    So, is that your goal, or is it just that you'd rather that we do as you say?
    --
    CodeWright, you are one cowardly hypocritical motherfucker.
    [ Parent ]
    Kiss my ass (none / 0) (#97)
    by CodeWright on Wed Apr 13, 2005 at 02:32:58 PM EST

    Anonymous Howards End (uid:59070)[(0/0 subscription days left)] has posted 251 comments, 0 stories, and 0 diaries.

    CodeWright (uid:406)[(684/1825 subscription days left)] has posted 4391 comments, 1 story, and 32 diaries.

    Pot. Kettle. Black.

    --
    A: Because it destroys the flow of conversation.
    Q: Why is top posting dumb? --clover_kicker

    [ Parent ]
    When's the last time you submitted an article? (none / 0) (#42)
    by Anonymous Howards End on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 08:45:28 AM EST

    It's easy to spot the flaws, isn't it?
    --
    CodeWright, you are one cowardly hypocritical motherfucker.
    [ Parent ]
    Many FP contributions... (2.00 / 2) (#49)
    by 6502 on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 12:30:40 PM EST

    In fact, several times I've submitted article's considered extremely positive contributions that survived the -1 gang vote gauntlet. While not the best author here, I did offer many honest quality contributions to the queue, some of which which made it to the front page. Frankly, I got sick of the bullshit and haven't bothered in some time because it's just not worth the trouble to spend hours writing something only to have idiots vote it down and offer insults out of spite instead of worthwhile editorial suggestions. Look, the queue is managed not by contributors and editors concerned about readers, but by interpersonal group dynamics. It's all about who's pissing off whom and who's got the most bogus accounts with which to retaliate. Never is there a consideration for readers; the people for whom all publications exist to serve. "There is no K5 Cabal": heh, what a fucking joke.

    I guess the real lesson learned here is that pure democratic communities make for terrible editors and publishers. Because whatever community activity occurs on K5 between members, it certainly doesn't function to sift submitted content for creating a publication any longer. At one point it did. Which is why so many flocked here. Now, all who remain submit self-referential troll bait to each other; posting irreverent content focused on naval gazing and arrogantly proclaiming a supposed self superiority while saying nothing in particular. It's postmodernism at it's most meaningless. Which is why the site isn't attracting new readers, new comment posters, new authors. Who wants to read that crap? Except the idiots who wrote it. One can't even call it effective trolling because who is left here to fool? The overriding presumption among these self-serving pseudointellectual trolls is one of:

    We've neen Netizens since forever; we know it all; there's nothing in this world left to comment upon; there's nothing worth discussing; let us negate the value of communication itself and make folly upon and ridicule all who wish to play the discussion game for real. Those fools (readers; posters; contributors) who honestly engage each other for real are nothing but ignorant proletariet to consume.
    Or as Harry G. Frankfurt writes:
    "[The bullshitter] does not reject the authority of the truth, as the liar does, and oppose himself to it. He pays no attention to it at all. By virtue of this, bullshit is a greater enemy of the truth than lies are."
    You have all forgotten the difference between truth, lies, and bullshit. Now all that is left is bullshit, while proclaiming it a great truth. Or at least a funny truth. Unfortunately, no one but the fool laughs. Everyone else left. And now you're all alone. Awwwwwww. Poor wittle lonely trolls.

    I used to care. But now all I'm left feeling is Shadenfreude for the pathetic losers who thought they could eat the seed corn by offending everyone who contributed. The consequences of their self destructive pathos now in view, they party consuming the last crumbs, while singing : "Rejoice Rejoice, we have no choice! For K5 is dying! Netcraft Confirms it!" The fools and clowns dancing as the building collapses around them.

    [ Parent ]

    Why are you still here then? (none / 0) (#74)
    by Anonymous Howards End on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 01:10:04 PM EST

    I'm genuinely confused.
    --
    CodeWright, you are one cowardly hypocritical motherfucker.
    [ Parent ]
    Demolition Derby (none / 1) (#91)
    by 6502 on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 08:05:20 PM EST

    Haven't you ever enjoyed watching the demolition of a building? Or how about that look of utter confusion a boxer shows just as he's been clocked under the chin. That is why I've come back from hibernation. To watch K5 swirl around the drain before it's finally sucked into oblivion.

    [ Parent ]
    Really? (none / 0) (#88)
    by mcgrew on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 07:41:12 PM EST

    According to your stats, you posted one story, which is no longer accessible from your stats, meaning it's been a damned long time.

    "The entire neocon movement is dedicated to revoking mcgrew's posting priviliges. This is why we went to war with Iraq." -LilDebbie
    [ Parent ]

    Different account /nt (none / 0) (#90)
    by 6502 on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 08:01:27 PM EST



    [ Parent ]
    K5 submission should be hard. (none / 0) (#93)
    by Russell Dovey on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 10:43:28 PM EST

    "Frankly, I got sick of the bullshit and haven't bothered in some time because it's just not worth the trouble to spend hours writing something only to have idiots vote it down and offer insults out of spite instead of worthwhile editorial suggestions."

    Obviously you don't have what it takes to be a real writer.

    K5 is a great place for a writer to hone their craft. Because the k5 queue represents very accurately the nitpicking, curmudgeonly, asshole ADD editors that you will have to get your work past in real life.

    I love it here.

    "Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light." - Spike Milligan
    [ Parent ]

    Oh! How inspirational. Thanks for the link! (none / 0) (#95)
    by 6502 on Wed Apr 13, 2005 at 11:24:50 AM EST

    Not

    It would be relevant were you right. K5 is no place to "hone one's craft," because it's no place to attract readers. And while some editorial advice in the queue is spot on, much of it is personal invective without merit. No editor I've worked with has ever been so openly hostile and abusive to writers. To bad work, yes; to writers as people, no.

    Once the milieu at K5 was more amenable to serious work and intelligent discourse. Back then you would have been right. But for more than two years the site has been filled with obnoxious prats who rule the queue out of spiteful vengeance against other K5 contributors. Any concern for producing a readable publication is long since gone. Not

    It would be relevant were you right. K5 is no place to "hone one's craft," because it's no place to attract readers. And while some editorial advice in the queue is spot on, much of it is personal invective, without merit. No editor I've worked with has ever been so openly hostile and abusive to writers. To bad work, yes; to writers as people, no.

    Once the milieu at K5 was more amenable to serious work and intelligent discourse. Back then you would have been right. but for the last two years the site has been filled with obnoxious prats who rule the queue out of spiteful vengeance against other K5 contributors. Any concern for producing a readable publication is long since gone.

    So, I'm afraid we disagree.

    [ Parent ]

    Wow (none / 0) (#96)
    by 6502 on Wed Apr 13, 2005 at 11:27:04 AM EST

    That was a cut and paste fuck up. Hope you made out my point within that mess of a post.

    [ Parent ]
    Yes, these assholes are over-the-top. (none / 0) (#99)
    by Russell Dovey on Mon Apr 18, 2005 at 02:35:50 PM EST

    That's why it will test your resolve as a writer.

    If you can stand having your work, your life and your parentage abused unfairly by the dozens of bored, uncaring yahoos perusing k5's queue at any one time, you'll either develop a thick enough skin to become objective about criticism, or your pretensions at being a writer will be revealed as the ill-thought excretions of a rainy day that they were.

    Sure, most criticism will be useless in itself. But the environment will test you. The fire will burn you. The masses will spit on you.

    You will be hardened, or you will be ash. All you have to fear is indifference, because that means you're just not interesting enough for anyone to become angry at.

    "Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light." - Spike Milligan
    [ Parent ]

    What we really need is a troll section (2.71 / 7) (#5)
    by evilmeow on Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 01:01:22 PM EST


    "[O]ne thing is certain: people are certifiably historically myopic"

    trolls need food (nt) (none / 1) (#33)
    by circletimessquare on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 02:02:21 AM EST



    The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

    [ Parent ]
    In keeping with the zoo theme. (3.00 / 2) (#36)
    by SoupIsGoodFood on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 06:00:29 AM EST

    Perhaps we could sell packets of comments to new users, and they can feed the trolls with them. Trolls don't seem to mind being feed the same, stale replys.

    [ Parent ]
    true (none / 0) (#40)
    by circletimessquare on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 07:47:29 AM EST

    or you could just feed the trolls to the trolls


    The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

    [ Parent ]
    As long as... (none / 1) (#41)
    by SoupIsGoodFood on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 08:01:58 AM EST

    They're kept pumped full of antibiotics, that shouldn't be problematic.

    [ Parent ]
    Haven't you learned anything from BSE? (3.00 / 2) (#52)
    by PowerPimp on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 01:39:20 PM EST

    That's how mad cow disease got started. Maybe if we cut their brains out first.

    You'd better take care of me God; otherwise, you'll have me on your hands...
    [ Parent ]
    not a problem (3.00 / 2) (#61)
    by Hillgiant on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 05:44:55 PM EST

    Trolls don't have brains.

    -----
    "It is impossible to say what I mean." -johnny
    [ Parent ]

    Too late (none / 0) (#87)
    by mcgrew on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 07:34:06 PM EST

    Most of them already have Mad Troll Disease.

    "The entire neocon movement is dedicated to revoking mcgrew's posting priviliges. This is why we went to war with Iraq." -LilDebbie
    [ Parent ]

    "If I Ran The Zoo..." (none / 0) (#86)
    by mcgrew on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 07:33:32 PM EST

    "said McGrew..." -Dr. Seuss, If I Ran The Zoo

    "The entire neocon movement is dedicated to revoking mcgrew's posting priviliges. This is why we went to war with Iraq." -LilDebbie
    [ Parent ]

    We have one (none / 1) (#46)
    by Imma Troll on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 10:20:24 AM EST

    here
    Will somebody light my sig?
    [ Parent ]
    As a long-time "once a month" checker... (2.50 / 8) (#7)
    by megid on Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 01:37:56 PM EST

    ... let me say that the stories around here (including yours) are nice but pretty mediocre. Sorry. That is what keeps me checking back every month or so, but not more often.

    --
    "think first, write second, speak third."
    Change the rate of time (2.80 / 5) (#10)
    by Big Sexxy Joe on Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 02:48:28 PM EST

    That can be done.  Moving causes time dialtation.  An object which is moving very quickly goes through time more slowly.

    What kind of K5er doesn't understand relativity?

    I'm like Jesus, only better.
    Democracy Now! - your daily, uncensored, corporate-free grassroots news hour

    Doesn't rmg have enough accounts already? (none / 0) (#13)
    by HollyHopDrive on Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 03:19:46 PM EST


    I make too much sense to be on the Internet.

    No (3.00 / 3) (#17)
    by Stick on Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 04:40:18 PM EST

    And you should know that rmg.


    ---
    Stick, thine posts bring light to mine eyes, tingles to my loins. Yea, each moment I sit, my monitor before me, waiting, yearning, needing your prose to make the moment complete. - Joh3n
    [ Parent ]
    I guess you're right... (3.00 / 3) (#19)
    by HollyHopDrive on Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 04:48:53 PM EST

    ...rmg.


    I make too much sense to be on the Internet.
    [ Parent ]

    Get a room, you two... (none / 0) (#85)
    by mcgrew on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 07:32:46 PM EST

    rmgs

    "The entire neocon movement is dedicated to revoking mcgrew's posting priviliges. This is why we went to war with Iraq." -LilDebbie
    [ Parent ]

    Okay... (none / 1) (#94)
    by Russell Dovey on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 10:49:17 PM EST

    ...rmg.

    "Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light." - Spike Milligan
    [ Parent ]

    my take on this (3.00 / 6) (#16)
    by khallow on Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 03:39:14 PM EST

    American monkeys are far more dynamic and innovation than their stagnant and corrupt European counterparts. There are dozens of high quality opinion centers across the US that could interject vibrant life into K5. Why are we tolerating this socialist, bureaucratic Berlin Zoo drivel when we could be reading quality free market, capitalism drivel? Monkeys for America!

    Stating the obvious since 1969.

    Make Kuro5hin Ultra-Hip (3.00 / 3) (#22)
    by DanK on Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 07:48:49 PM EST

    Gazizza, my dilznoofuses.

    word up, dawg (2.33 / 3) (#57)
    by JahToasted on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 04:33:26 PM EST


    ______
    "I wanna have my kicks before the whole shithouse goes up in flames" -- Jim Morrison
    [ Parent ]
    A Serious Suggestion: Tell a Friend (2.75 / 4) (#25)
    by MichaelCrawford on Sun Apr 10, 2005 at 10:14:41 PM EST

    We could double the membership of k5 if every user here were to introduce one new person to the site.

    Try getting a real-life friend to sit down with you and show them a tour of the site.

    I have been noticing that not many diaries have been getting posted lately.


    --

    Live your fucking life. Sue someone on the Internet. Write a fucking music player. Like the great man Michael David Crawford has shown us all: Hard work, a strong will to stalk, and a few fries short of a happy meal goes a long way. -- bride of spidy


    Problem (2.50 / 6) (#29)
    by Big Sexxy Joe on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 12:18:54 AM EST

    K5ers don't have friends.  This site is a feeble substitute for a social life.  Encouraging K5ers to interact with real people would do far more harm than good.

    I'm like Jesus, only better.
    Democracy Now! - your daily, uncensored, corporate-free grassroots news hour
    [ Parent ]
    Diaries. (3.00 / 5) (#30)
    by esrever on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 12:19:12 AM EST

    I believe that, really, these are the lifeblood of K5, yet even the least jaded of users here will happily refer to the 'Diary ghetto'.  Why is this?  I think it's pretty obvious that any user that actually opens themselves up in any way in their diary here is just asking to get some hot Troll lovin' in the form of offensive putdowns, etc, etc.

    This necessarily destroys trust and makes people more wary of 'diarising' here on K5.  Quite frankly, I don't blame new users especially for being less-than-keen to post a diary, and at the same time, most of these users, if they then try to post a story, will then get the 'nu-1lo' treatment (some very deservedly, but the odd one not...).

    It's a vicious circle: who but the very thick-skinned or savvy want to post a diary here? And who but those that are prepared to diary can get a story posted?  And of those, how many actually want to?  The list, I propose, is rather a short one indeed.

    So yes, I agree that it is sad that the diary section is slowing down, and I suggest that this is just another symptom of the true malaise that manifests itself also in the story section.

    Audit NTFS permissions on Windows
    [ Parent ]

    That'll never work (3.00 / 2) (#37)
    by HollyHopDrive on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 06:02:31 AM EST

    After all, rmg has all the accounts.


    I make too much sense to be on the Internet.
    [ Parent ]

    I thought that was theboz (none / 1) (#58)
    by Hillgiant on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 04:37:16 PM EST

    theboz has already admited to being most of the k5 accounts: http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2002/1/22/184746/111

    -----
    "It is impossible to say what I mean." -johnny
    [ Parent ]

    theboz is rmg /nt (none / 0) (#72)
    by HollyHopDrive on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 09:31:44 AM EST


    I make too much sense to be on the Internet.
    [ Parent ]

    I tried... (none / 0) (#84)
    by mcgrew on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 07:32:09 PM EST

    They were already reading it.

    "The entire neocon movement is dedicated to revoking mcgrew's posting priviliges. This is why we went to war with Iraq." -LilDebbie
    [ Parent ]

    number of users (1.25 / 4) (#31)
    by ccdotnet on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 01:27:35 AM EST

    Whilst in its heydey in 2001 it clocked up [...] and had almost half a billion regular users

    You're saying K5 had 500 million regular users? Would be surprised if that was even in the ballpark.

    I assume you're joking....... [nt] (none / 1) (#77)
    by r0b on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 02:21:29 PM EST

    lol what

    [ Parent ]
    evil villian mode (none / 0) (#34)
    by mtrisk on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 02:11:06 AM EST

    Hijack the root servers and point slashdot.org to here. Now there's a traffic boost if I've ever seen one.

    the solution (3.00 / 2) (#38)
    by SaintPort on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 06:14:20 AM EST

    change the byline from...

    technology and culture, from the trenches

    to...

    Hey Bud, watch out for the cornhole.


    ...or we could try to live up to the current one.

    --
    Search the Scriptures
    Start with some cheap grace...Got Life?

    LOL WTF DUDE META ROR YFI IHBT IHL (2.00 / 3) (#44)
    by Anonymous Howards End on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 08:52:40 AM EST

    Re-tread meta about K5 is the reason why I come to K5!
    --
    CodeWright, you are one cowardly hypocritical motherfucker.
    Are you a bot? /nt (none / 0) (#53)
    by BottleRocket on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 02:46:53 PM EST


    $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
    . ₩ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . *
    $ . . . . .
    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $
    Yes I do download [child pornography], but I don't keep it any longer than I need to, so it can yield insight as to how to find more. --MDC
    $ . . . . .
    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $
    . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . *
    . ₩ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
    $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
    $B R Σ III$

    [ Parent ]

    How do you feel about are I a bot? (none / 0) (#76)
    by Anonymous Howards End on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 01:11:50 PM EST


    --
    CodeWright, you are one cowardly hypocritical motherfucker.
    [ Parent ]
    Relieved, and hungry. (none / 0) (#79)
    by BottleRocket on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 03:22:24 PM EST

    And I'm horny, and a little tired. Other than that, wistful, vengeful and clammy.

    $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
    . ₩ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . *
    $ . . . . .
    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $
    Yes I do download [child pornography], but I don't keep it any longer than I need to, so it can yield insight as to how to find more. --MDC
    $ . . . . .
    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $
    . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . * . . . . . *
    . ₩ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
    $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
    $B R Σ III$

    [ Parent ]

    I like the last option (3.00 / 6) (#48)
    by Imma Troll on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 10:27:55 AM EST

    Making K5 available to people in institutions. My sister has been threatening to put me in one, and it would be great to be able to post from there.
    Will somebody light my sig?
    K5 already jumped the shark,....get over it (3.00 / 3) (#50)
    by thekubrix on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 12:33:41 PM EST

    There was a time when this site could have exploded and been one of the greats,......but that moment has passed.

    Theres only one person that can make great changes for this site. And that within itself is the problem. There is no power sharing on THAT level. Yes there are "admins", but none of them can make great changes to the site. No siree.

    And now that the owner has taken on an addition to his family, he has taken the year off (as if anything was being done here in the year preceding this announcement).

    And on top of all that, you have to consider all the forking projects that have occured. Alot of the owner's time was sucked up by dailykos, and then a great deal of users (especially good, non trolling users), departed and created their own scoop site,...husi.

    :)

    Yeah, but Husi (3.00 / 3) (#56)
    by Kenneth Burke on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 03:39:20 PM EST

    totally blows and it's ugly.  I can't spend 2 minutes there without getting nauseous.

    hy can't we all just admit that this is as good as it gets and that it ain't that bad in the first place?

    [ Parent ]

    no (3.00 / 2) (#60)
    by thekubrix on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 05:26:00 PM EST

    Husi is more adult oriented (no not teh pr0n), so naturally you wouldn't like it....but it refelcted a large sector of K5 (which explains the high level of immaturity here), AND Husi has equal if not more activity than this site, so in the couple years that they've been around, they caught up with K5 already,.....and this is only because they have a very active and progressive owner/admin.

    [ Parent ]
    The problem with HUSI (3.00 / 3) (#66)
    by 6502 on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 07:19:54 PM EST

    Not to disparage Hulver, but his site caters to community discussion and personal blogging, not formal publication of reading content. At its peak, K5 attracted a large number of literate amateur and semi-pro writers out to attract readers. Sure, they joined the community too. But they were also after readers. Hulver doesn't run HUSI toward that goal, which makes it a fine place to hang around with K5 old timers, but a rotten place to seek publication.

    [ Parent ]
    Can K5 make it to the top of pile? (3.00 / 3) (#54)
    by Cro Magnon on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 02:54:23 PM EST

    Yes, but that depends on WHICH pile. We probably don't WANT to be on the pile I'm thinking of.
    Information wants to be beer.
    Well (2.50 / 2) (#59)
    by ant0n on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 04:38:19 PM EST

    Employ bots which will mimic real users, posting randomly-generated comments and stories.

    I always thought the entire content of kuro5hin is already generated by bots?!?!

    Promote Kuro5hin in establishments such as mental hospitals, [...] where people don't [...]have interesting opinions.

    Ts! What do you think from where I am posting my comments?


    -- Does the shortest thing the tallest pyramid's support supports support anything green?
    Patrick H. Winston, Artificial Intelligence
    Not everybody (none / 0) (#62)
    by mcgrew on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 05:55:49 PM EST

    CTS, rmg, and sellison are real.

    "The entire neocon movement is dedicated to revoking mcgrew's posting priviliges. This is why we went to war with Iraq." -LilDebbie
    [ Parent ]

    who the fuck is sellison? (none / 0) (#65)
    by ant0n on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 06:26:05 PM EST




    -- Does the shortest thing the tallest pyramid's support supports support anything green?
    Patrick H. Winston, Artificial Intelligence
    [ Parent ]
    You lucky fuck (none / 1) (#83)
    by mcgrew on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 07:31:35 PM EST

    He's a neocon troll with an IQ so low he makes CTS look like an intelligent adult.

    Wait a minute...

    sellison? Is that you?

    "The entire neocon movement is dedicated to revoking mcgrew's posting priviliges. This is why we went to war with Iraq." -LilDebbie
    [ Parent ]

    CTS? Nonsense (none / 1) (#67)
    by GenerationY on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 08:30:56 PM EST

    I swear I saw a BUFFER OVERFLOW once in one of his posts.


    [ Parent ]
    Exactly (none / 0) (#82)
    by mcgrew on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 07:30:27 PM EST

    He is a buffer overflow. I didn't say he was human, only that he was real.

    "The entire neocon movement is dedicated to revoking mcgrew's posting priviliges. This is why we went to war with Iraq." -LilDebbie
    [ Parent ]

    WRONG (1.50 / 2) (#64)
    by pestilence on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 06:02:31 PM EST

    Kuro5hin needs more minorities, white boy.


    A documented gay hook-up
    I have a goatee. (2.50 / 2) (#68)
    by MichaelCrawford on Mon Apr 11, 2005 at 09:23:36 PM EST

    Does it make me ultra-hip?


    --

    Live your fucking life. Sue someone on the Internet. Write a fucking music player. Like the great man Michael David Crawford has shown us all: Hard work, a strong will to stalk, and a few fries short of a happy meal goes a long way. -- bride of spidy


    No (none / 0) (#81)
    by mcgrew on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 07:29:22 PM EST

    In fact, the minute you grew it, goatees became non-hip.

    Face it, you're a coder, coder.

    "The entire neocon movement is dedicated to revoking mcgrew's posting priviliges. This is why we went to war with Iraq." -LilDebbie
    [ Parent ]

    Moved from NYC to LA. (none / 1) (#69)
    by nutate on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 04:17:53 AM EST

    Still keeping it real. As my stylist would say, ciao.

    Ultra-hip (none / 1) (#70)
    by dustinQ on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 04:53:48 AM EST

    Excellent post, homeslice.

    1) Order a time machine. (3.00 / 2) (#71)
    by ok on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 06:32:18 AM EST

    2) Go back to the beginning. 3) Change the name to something that can be spread by word-of-mouth. Alternately, 1) Change the name. Please consider something that does not cleverly use numbers for letters in a purposely misspelled pun for the creator's name. That's so '94. I mean, where's the "My Hotlinks!" link???? 2) Redirect this domain. 3) Start working on new creatives to promote the new name. It's just a dumb, dumb, dumb name for a website.

    Lower the vote threshold for articles (3.00 / 3) (#73)
    by cerberusss on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 12:59:54 PM EST

    [...] and currently there are not enough contributions to this site to keep it interesting [...]

    A month or two ago, I put a lot of work in a quite solid article for the technology section and it didn't get enough votes. There must be more contributions like mine.

    I'd like to put forward a small suggestion and make the vote limit related to the number of active users. That might bring things up to speed.

    You forgot.. (none / 1) (#78)
    by Harvey Anderson on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 03:02:24 PM EST

    We can't just get rid of the geeks, though, despite them liking exceedingly lame things like fantasy role-playing and contributing to community websites. ... Plotting revolutions, dreaming of libertarian paradises, protesting this and that, engaging in sports in an attempt to be less geeky, impersonating encyclopedias, talking about girlfriends without qualifiers so as to deceive people into thinking they are studs, etc...

    What? Shave off my moustache? (none / 0) (#80)
    by mcgrew on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 07:28:44 PM EST

    You have no idea how bad I look in a goatee. And I have to agree with the Muslims; ie, any man w/o facial hair is a fag.

    As to the metal... you mean, I have to give up Zepplin and Ozzie for for hardcore or emo? I think not!!!

    Accelerating Time is super easy, falling down is hard by comparison. Getting the proper eqiopment is the hard part, but Einstein himself told us how to do it. "Spend a minute with your hand on a hot stove and it seems like an hour. Spend an hour with a pretty girl and it seems like a minute. That's relativity."

    So... where are all these nerds going to get the necessary equipment to slow down time, huh?

    "The entire neocon movement is dedicated to revoking mcgrew's posting priviliges. This is why we went to war with Iraq." -LilDebbie

    Increasing "hits" (none / 0) (#92)
    by Isumi on Tue Apr 12, 2005 at 08:55:28 PM EST

    I loved this post! I don't say much 'cause I don't want to put what I consider to be "enough thought" in to posting! I have an above average IQ, but also have Asperger Syndrome. I have to edit before your wildest dreams!!! For a thrill tonight, I went to "Happy Hour", in a USVI beach bar, and read 50 pages of "Just Checking." Then I just had to check in with this site...
    Island Wanderer
    Quit harshing ma groove! (none / 1) (#98)
    by maru on Sun Apr 17, 2005 at 05:50:13 PM EST

    Chill fool-dawg! Cease jiving our turkey, da shizzle is Kuro5in already word up in da know!

    Kuro5hin Needs More Users | 99 comments (83 topical, 16 editorial, 0 hidden)
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