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[P]
HOWTO: Avoid your civic duties, write a self-indulgent missive about the experience

By debillitatus in Meta
Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 03:32:53 AM EST
Tags: I AM SO FUCKING IMPORTANT, THE RULES OF SOCIETY DO NOT APPLY TO ME (all tags)

I didn't understand. Every time I've ever been asked to contribute to society, I simply wrote some bullshit excuse to weasel out of it. Contributing is for other people, not a precious important snowflake such as myself.  So I'd pen some dishonest and dishonorable excuse and whine my way out of it.  They'd always let me know that I was excused because, let's face it, if there's anything drearier than a court employee's having to track down some selfish and self-centered asshole and get him to make even the minimal contribution to our common polity, then I don't know what it is.  So I'm not worth their time, and they always let me slide, until now.

But this time, they actually had some serious shit brewing.  They were going to make me come in and prove to their faces that I valued my convenience above my honor.


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comments (24)
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Here I could give a quick little overview of the American judicial system and the need for selection a jury from the general public.  The problem is, I'd end up getting a little too cute here and allude to legal history in other nations as well.  Unfortunately, this would show that while I'd like everyone to think I'm a well-read gentleman of international disposition, I'm actually pretty confused about some of the basic tenets and history of common law.  So I'd be a bit out of my depth there.  I'd also try to sneak in a connection between being called for jury duty and being forcibly enlisted in my nation's armed forces, but that's just because I'm an asshole.

So I go in there, and I find out, wow, the guys in charge of our criminal justice system actually take their jobs seriously.  Who knew?  And so it becomes clear that they wouldn't accept my bullshit excuse, because there were people in there with me with real problems, like some woman who had chemo, and they weren't getting out of it.

Hey, who am I kidding?  The woman undergoing chemo has real problems, compared to me?  Hell no!  I am an important programmer, and if I go off the grid then the entire US catfish distribution system could go offline for weeks.  And since we all know the Air Traffic Control systems in every airport within 150 miles of the Gulf of Mexico are critically dependent on components currently being used in those same catfish systems, if I get sequestered, people could die.  Also, the reason I know I'm really the critical guy to work on these systems, and I'm not just being fed some ego-assuaging line from my middle management, is that I get paid an hourly wage, and we all know that only the most important people who are only expected to work 40 hours a week get paid an hourly wage.  Because if you only work those 40, it's because you're working an efficient 40.  So, you're on chemo, you bitch, and you might die in the next couple of weeks, and you think that's important?  People's lives depend on my programming skills and my ability to do the impossible.  My coding prowess, as horrible and grotesque as it may seem to you, saves lives.

So I'm jonesing, man, I need some way to get out of this thing... I'm all jammed up. Of course, it's not because I don't want to sit in some boring shit for three weeks, and it has nothing to with lost wages (again, it's those all-important unsalaried workers who don't count, we have to worry about punching a clock and filling out timesheets because our time is that valuable).  I'm only being completely selfless and giving, because people's lives depend on my programming.  So I asked around about getting out of this thing.  Everyone I knew told me, "Just pretend that you think he's guilty based on his ethnic background or something," but I don't have anywhere near the balls to sit in open court and stick with a story such as that.  Moreover, I don't have the balls to stand up to these people and say what I want.  And although I'm going to bleat below about how the state's compelling me to serve on a jury is a violation of the social contract, and how I'm going to declare war against the state because of this,  I don't nearly have the balls to actually stand up for my beliefs and risk any consequences.  I'm just going to keep this declaration between us and not actually air it in front of officers of the court, because they might actually do something to my sacred personage!  

I mean, this is one of the fundamental systems of our society, one on whose bedrock our very notions of law and order and the fair practicing of such lie, and the people who run it have the balls to say that I should take it as seriously as they do??!  I AM A PROGRAMMER.  I don't need to follow your "rules", man.

So basically I needed a way to weasel out of it.  Leave it for the unimportant people, the doctors and policemen and the bitches on chemo.

DESCRIPTION OF THE PROCESS

Here I'm going to describe how the thing played out.  I could go two ways with this:  I could pump out about 500-700 words and tell you about every single detail, but since probably everyone reading this has actually been to jury duty, I could also just summarize and say, "Yeah, it was just like that, except slightly more of a shitshow because it was a capital crime.  And if you haven't been, it's pretty much what you'd expect, but even more boring."  As boring, in fact, as reading that 700-word précis could have been.

STRATEGIES

Well, you know I wanted to weasel out of this duty.  I don't have the balls to actually stand up for my beliefs when something is on the line, and I'm way too IMPORTANT a person to spend time in shitty public service, so I need a "strategy".

Again, I could go two ways on this.  I could spend 1000 words laying out every possible philosophical position which would disqualify me for service, and then bang on about each in turn, making sure to explicate even the most obvious detail.  Or, I could summarize the whole thing rather quickly.  Since I'm too busy to write it, and you're too busy to read it, let's go with the summary.

So, basically, you're trying to convince these guys that you're a fucking moron who has never watched a court show or even a TV show in which a court was shown. And it goes like this:  to show you're not impartial, you either have to be predisposed for the prosecution or the defense. That's two positions.  And there's basically three reasons you're like that, either it a] involves the death penalty, b] involves your predisposition to think people guilty or not, or c] it reflects some greater social phenomenon (e.g. racism).  That's three justifications.  So, you can take one of two positions, plus one of three justifications, and that gives you six possibilities.  Since we're all adults here, and I don't love to hear the sound of my own typing, I'll let you guys work out the details from there.

But of course none of these will work, so I can't pick them!  I need to come up with something completely different, and come up with a philosophical position so creative and revolutionary that it will be wholly different than anything they have ever seen before.  And thus I came up with..... option "against, A."

Yeah, that's right.  I told the court that I'm philosophically disposed against the death penalty, think it's wrong, and said I could never apply it.  Where's the cleverness?  Here's what I did:  I couched this basic philosophical position in the language and analogy of engineering.  I'm sure this was the first time in human history that anyone has ever expressed such a complex and insightful philosophical position using concrete examples from daily life, and I really threw them for a loop.  They simply didn't know how to respond to my rending of their sad, sad worldview.  I took their Weltanshauung, tore it into pieces, and flung it back into their miserable, bourgeois faces.

And then (here's the best part) when they clearly wanted to know how I had generated such a novel and insightful glimpse into the complex workings of the social contract, I explained to them that I formed this opinion arguing with people on the Internet.  This alleviated any doubts as to the soundness of my position, and these public servants had nothing to say to me.  They were floored.

SUMMARY

So, how about that, I didn't get picked.  And they way I figure it is, they picked 500 people to seat a jury of 12.  Let's say we throw three alternates in there, and there's an a priori 3% chance that these jackbooted thugs could constrain a noble programmer to serve in their pointless system and risk having people die because I wasn't there to write the code that would save their lives.  And thus I think it's safe to interpret the fact that I didn't get picked as a clear and unequivocal piece of evidence that my incisive trompe l'oeil was enough to get me off that miserable piece of service to my fellow man.

I hope they clipped that bitch with the chemo, though.  She was a total cunt at lunch.

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HOWTO: Avoid your civic duties, write a self-indulgent missive about the experience | 73 comments (69 topical, 4 editorial, 0 hidden)
I don't get the whole hourly vs salary thing (none / 0) (#1)
by Kingmaker on Mon Sep 08, 2008 at 12:36:37 AM EST

You'd think I would having some actual experience in HR (ya, I'm a dumb dumb HR doofus.  Har har!)

But the only conclusion I can come to is that either

A)Hourly jobs are "lower class" and being classed as hourly is a reminder of this fact

OR

B)Hourly jobs are more easily quantifiable productivity-wise

I don't really get why Localroger being an hourly employee is a bad thing.  But then again, I'm a dumb dumb, as I've already said

I'm guessing A (none / 0) (#4)
by Delirium on Mon Sep 08, 2008 at 07:14:50 AM EST

Just about the only hourly jobs that are "high-status" are independent contractor type work like lawyers who bill clients by the hour. When working for an employer, generally the white-collar staff is salaried, whereas the blue-collar staff is paid hourly.

[ Parent ]
That's it (none / 1) (#6)
by localroger on Mon Sep 08, 2008 at 08:06:26 AM EST

Is anyone else starting to get the idea that Debillatus and Lonelyhobo are the same person? They've been reading from almost exactly the same script all weekend.

And that is what is so great about the internet. It enables pompous blowhards to connect with other pompous blowhards in a vast circle jerk of pomposity
[ Parent ]
Naaah. Similar, but distinct. (none / 1) (#8)
by rpresser on Mon Sep 08, 2008 at 09:56:09 AM EST

You're just a really juicy target.
------------
"In terms of both hyperbolic overreaching and eventual wrongness, the Permanent [Republican] Majority has set a new, and truly difficult to beat, standard." --rusty
[ Parent ]
I dunno (none / 0) (#10)
by localroger on Mon Sep 08, 2008 at 10:18:19 AM EST

Hobo was doing exactly the same kind of concern-troll thing on Crawford a couple of weeks ago that Debillatus was doing on me this weekend, and now that Hobo has completely burned his credibility Debillatus seems to have turned into him. They're not doing the same thing at the same time but each of them is doing exactly the same thing that the other did very, very recently.

And that is what is so great about the internet. It enables pompous blowhards to connect with other pompous blowhards in a vast circle jerk of pomposity
[ Parent ]
They seem different to me, fwiw. n (none / 0) (#20)
by livus on Mon Sep 08, 2008 at 07:59:30 PM EST

 

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

[ Parent ]
Mebbe so (3.00 / 2) (#22)
by localroger on Mon Sep 08, 2008 at 09:03:14 PM EST

Probably one lamely copying the other. I'm thinking liarhobo the innovator if that's the case.

And that is what is so great about the internet. It enables pompous blowhards to connect with other pompous blowhards in a vast circle jerk of pomposity
[ Parent ]
gasp! (3.00 / 4) (#32)
by Linux or FreeBSD on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 10:38:22 AM EST

could it be that there are TWO separate people who dislike you!?!? say it ain't so!

[ Parent ]
Generally... (none / 0) (#7)
by Zombie Schrodingers Cat on Mon Sep 08, 2008 at 08:20:05 AM EST

if you have "big responsibilities" the company only cares that your responsibilities are taken care of and doesn't really give a shit how many hours it takes. If you don't come in til noon but you get shit taken care of, no one cares. Though if you are only working 20 hours a week they are probably gonna give you more responsibilities.

Hourly wage implies that everything is someone else's responsibility and you just do what you're told for those 40 hours a week.

That said I don't buy into the whole salaried employees are more important bullshit. Where I'm working now I asked to be hourly because they said they might want me to work extra hours. I don't like working extra hours so being paid hourly simply discourages them from making me work extra unless its something really important.


[ Parent ]

ZSC FTW $ (none / 0) (#9)
by localroger on Mon Sep 08, 2008 at 10:16:29 AM EST



And that is what is so great about the internet. It enables pompous blowhards to connect with other pompous blowhards in a vast circle jerk of pomposity
[ Parent ]
WTF is ZSC? $ (none / 0) (#35)
by Corwin06 on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 03:16:01 PM EST


"and you sir, in an argument in a thread with a troll in a story no one is reading in a backwater website, you're a fucking genius
--circletimessquare
[ Parent ]
Initials of user I'm replying to $ (1.50 / 2) (#39)
by localroger on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 04:43:16 PM EST



And that is what is so great about the internet. It enables pompous blowhards to connect with other pompous blowhards in a vast circle jerk of pomposity
[ Parent ]
Discourage (1) - incorrect grammar (2.00 / 2) (#44)
by gndn on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 11:55:15 PM EST

"Initials of user to which I am replying" would be closer, but is still incorrect. "...to whom I am replying" would be preferred, but is still an incomplete sentence. I suggest "ZSC are the initials of the user to whom I am replying."

Being a grammar nazi is fun.

[ Parent ]
Discourage (1) - bad nazi (none / 0) (#54)
by it certainly is on Thu Sep 11, 2008 at 09:34:56 AM EST

The subject, "ZSC", is a single entity. You would need to say "'Z', 'S' and 'C' are the initials of the user to whom I am replying." or "'ZSC' is an initialism of the name of the user to whom I am replying."

kur0shin.org -- it certainly is

Godwin's law [...] is impossible to violate except with an infinitely long thread that doesn't mention nazis.
[ Parent ]

How is this wrong? (none / 0) (#68)
by glimmung on Mon Sep 22, 2008 at 06:42:44 PM EST

I don't understand.

[ Parent ]
kthx :) (none / 0) (#70)
by Corwin06 on Tue Sep 23, 2008 at 08:23:55 AM EST

I'm stupid sometimes.
"and you sir, in an argument in a thread with a troll in a story no one is reading in a backwater website, you're a fucking genius
--circletimessquare
[ Parent ]
There are three tiers (3.00 / 2) (#12)
by rusty on Mon Sep 08, 2008 at 10:42:32 AM EST

Actually four. They go like this:

  • Hourly labor: dumb work for the unskilled. Flipping burgers, digging holes, pounding nails, etc.
  • Salaried work: work for the skilled in some commodity field. Management, lots of skilled jobs.
  • Contractor work: Hourly again, but very highly skilled and/or specialized. This time the hourly wage is usually by choice, so this worker gets paid for every minute he or she works. Typically the wage is much higher that a similar salary job, but the worker assumes the risk of having some unproductive time, or finding clients. E.g. lawyers, skilled technicians, engineers, etc. Roger's got the best kind of this gig, where a company finds the work for him, but he still gets paid hourly.
  • Business owner: No real wage, exactly, unless the business is large enough. Typically long, long hours, but the chance of a payoff much greater than any of the other three categories could provide.

The rhetorical trick being attempted here is to imply that there's only one kind of hourly worker, the first kind, and that Roger's one of them. I would say it's not really working.

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]
just four? (none / 0) (#24)
by rhiannon on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 03:29:36 AM EST

how about bidding, or piece work?


-----------------------------------------
I continued to rebuff the advances... so many advances... of so many attractive women. -MC
[ Parent ]
Oh no, not the Spanish Inquisition! (none / 1) (#28)
by tdillo on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 08:24:19 AM EST

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise....

Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency....

Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope....

Our four...no...

Amongst our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise....

I'll come in again.

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.[ Parent ]

I'd say those are both in there (none / 0) (#31)
by rusty on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 09:45:04 AM EST

Piece work is another way to measure hourly, I'd say. Sort of different, but not really. It still amounts to a certain amount per unit of your time, you just get a raise if you get better at the work.

Bidding is generally a company-owner type of pay scale. If you can bid low enough to get the job but well above your cost, you make a lot of money. Otherwise yfi.

Anyway, sure, there are countless systems of compensation for work. I'd say the four categories I listed cover the great majority of people, but I didn't mean to be encyclopedic about it. The point was really just to distinguish between the two flavors of hourly.

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]

two flavors of hourly (none / 0) (#37)
by Delirium on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 03:27:30 PM EST

You could slice up hourly workers in different ways as well. In particular, it's common to divide them into blue-collar and white-collar hourly workers, which makes for a different distinction than yours, especially among the people in the contract hourly category. For example, you could subdivide it into "hourly professional", who are people doing jobs that are prestige-wise comparable to (or higher than) salaried jobs, like lawyers and anesthesiologists; and "hourly skilled laborer", who are people doing the higher end of the blue-collar jobs, often well paid but not high prestige, like plumber.

[ Parent ]
You're missing director-level (none / 1) (#26)
by schlouse on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 04:13:08 AM EST

Large salary plus incentives.  The incentives can be worth a hell of a lot.

If a new product launch is expected to help with Wall St, then there's nothing like some well-placed options grants to get a fire lit under director-level management's asses.

[ Parent ]

dono. I just switched from salary to hourly (none / 0) (#64)
by Morally Inflexible on Sat Sep 20, 2008 at 05:24:47 PM EST

contracting, and I like it quite a lot better.  Want me to work late?  no problem.  but you've got to pay for it.  If my salary job was 40 hours a week, I'd be making only a little more (once you count benefits and stuff.)  but the salary job wasn't 40 hours a week, so I'm way better off now.    

The thing is, being a bay area computer janitor, I make enough that you aren't legally required to give me overtime.  I mean, this is fine, I can't complain about the hourly rate even on some of the 90 hour weeks at the salary job, but when I'm in a salary job, the employer has no reason not to ask me to work 90 hour weeks.   Yeah, I'm less productive in those extra hours, but I usually get something done, and as far as the boss is concerned, they are free.   As an hourly guy, well, I think it's clear to all involved that I get more done in the 40th hour than the 80th hour I've worked that week, so if the employer is paying the same for each, they'd rather just keep me for the more productive hours.  

But then, I'm not sure server janitoring really counts as white collar work.  It pays better than most white collar jobs, but we certainly don't dress like professionals.

[ Parent ]

roooor (3.00 / 5) (#2)
by Jobst of Moravia on Mon Sep 08, 2008 at 01:04:04 AM EST

reminded me of the micro$loth winblows/yet another cocksucker leisuretown bit

---
              __
   .,-;-;-,. /'_\ ---Did this Negro say "Street Moor"?
 _/_/_/_|_\_\) /
'-<_><_><_><_>=\
 `/_/====/_/-'\_\
  ""     ""    ""

It's Good To See Use Programmers Getting The Cred- (1.14 / 7) (#3)
by MichaelCrawford on Mon Sep 08, 2008 at 03:24:54 AM EST

-it We Deserve.

Ever fly on a Boeing 777? Just one little stack overflow, and hundreds of lives would perish in an instant.

That's Programmer, Sir!


--

Live your fucking life. Sue someone on the Internet. Write a fucking music player. Like the great man Michael David Crawford has shown us all: Hard work, a strong will to stalk, and a few fries short of a happy meal goes a long way. -- bride of spidy


no they wouldn't (3.00 / 4) (#17)
by lonelyhobo on Mon Sep 08, 2008 at 03:45:37 PM EST

In avionics generally every system is redundant, and modular enough so that even if many, many of the smaller processing units fail the entire system as a whole will still work.

[ Parent ]
THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE (3.00 / 4) (#29)
by maniac1860 on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 09:08:31 AM EST

THE PROGRAMMERS ARE SO GOOD

[ Parent ]
a half-convincing localroger impression (3.00 / 7) (#18)
by lostincali on Mon Sep 08, 2008 at 06:43:24 PM EST

points awarded for being completely wrong about a field you know nothing about, yet claim to be an expert on.

"The least busy day [at McDonalds] is Monday, and then sales increase throughout the week, I guess as enthusiasm for life dwindles."
[ Parent ]

I wish I could give this a '4' $ (none / 1) (#49)
by toki on Wed Sep 10, 2008 at 09:18:59 AM EST



[ Parent ]
I'm bringing back the 2 (3.00 / 3) (#27)
by schlouse on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 04:16:35 AM EST

2 is the new 3.  I heard that if you give out too many 3's you get AIDS.

[ Parent ]
Wow, you really hate Jon Katz /nt (none / 1) (#13)
by ksandstr on Mon Sep 08, 2008 at 10:45:45 AM EST



Fin.
+1 FP, will contribute to death of k5 (none / 0) (#14)
by GrubbyBeardedHermit on Mon Sep 08, 2008 at 12:27:40 PM EST


GBH

Your vote (-1) was recorded. (1.50 / 4) (#15)
by gr3y on Mon Sep 08, 2008 at 01:06:49 PM EST

This story currently has a total score of 14.

How will you feel when he can't take it anymore, and kills Bonita, then himself?

Oh wait, that's Crawford... My mistake.

I am a disruptive technology.

Your vote (1) was recorded. (2.50 / 2) (#25)
by Phssthpok on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 03:48:18 AM EST

This story currently has a total score of 30.

You're the straw that broke the camel's back!
Your vote put this story over the threshold, and it should now appear on the front page. Enjoy!
____________

affective flattening has caused me to kill 11,357 people

[ Parent ]

+1 fp, i support localroger beatdown '08 (3.00 / 8) (#21)
by lostincali on Mon Sep 08, 2008 at 08:06:53 PM EST


"The least busy day [at McDonalds] is Monday, and then sales increase throughout the week, I guess as enthusiasm for life dwindles."

+1, now "yuo" buy Bush a pretzel /nt (none / 0) (#23)
by mirko on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 02:19:37 AM EST


--
Finally I managed to make the decision that I would work on it. - MDC
we had to huddle together - trane
You fucking retards (2.50 / 2) (#30)
by anaesthetica on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 09:21:42 AM EST

This story made the Front Page, whereas localclown's story was sent to Section.  Doesn't make any goddamn sense when you look at the Front Page, because the butt of the joke, the punchline, is entirely missing.

FAIL HARDER.

—I'm the little engine that didn't.
k5: our trolls go to eleven
[A]S FAR AS A PERSON'S ACTIONS ARE CONCERNED, IT IS NOT TRUE THAT NOTHING BUT GOOD COMES FROM GOOD AND NOTHING BUT EVIL COMES FROM EVIL, BUT RATHER QUITE FREQUENTLY THE OPPOSITE IS THE CASE. ANYONE WHO DOES NOT REALIZE THIS IS IN FACT A MERE CHILD IN POLITICAL MATTERS. max weber, politics as a vocation


as if anyone actually reads this site (3.00 / 6) (#33)
by Zombie Schrodingers Cat on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 11:14:34 AM EST



[ Parent ]
"Anonymous Heroes" (none / 0) (#55)
by anaesthetica on Thu Sep 11, 2008 at 01:56:34 PM EST

There are always 60-70 people lurking on this site, reading it without an account. Even accounting for some of them being "cloaked" users, that's still significant.

—I'm the little engine that didn't.
k5: our trolls go to eleven
[A]S FAR AS A PERSON'S ACTIONS ARE CONCERNED, IT IS NOT TRUE THAT NOTHING BUT GOOD COMES FROM GOOD AND NOTHING BUT EVIL COMES FROM EVIL, BUT RATHER QUITE FREQUENTLY THE OPPOSITE IS THE CASE. ANYONE WHO DOES NOT REALIZE THIS IS IN FACT A MERE CHILD IN POLITICAL MATTERS. max weber, politics as a vocation


[ Parent ]
spam bots (none / 1) (#59)
by Zombie Schrodingers Cat on Fri Sep 12, 2008 at 08:37:40 PM EST



[ Parent ]
the failure is yours (3.00 / 2) (#34)
by circletimessquare on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 01:15:15 PM EST

on many levels:

  1. the point of this story is more important to say, especially with sarcasm, independent of anything localroger wrote

  2. this site does not exist for the consumption of outsiders, but for the entertainment for us within the walled community

  3. there is no standards committee, and to think there needs to be standards just means you are an uptight twit


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

[ Parent ]
3. The standard is the vote no? (none / 1) (#36)
by Corwin06 on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 03:20:27 PM EST


"and you sir, in an argument in a thread with a troll in a story no one is reading in a backwater website, you're a fucking genius
--circletimessquare
[ Parent ]
Not only that (none / 1) (#40)
by localroger on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 04:46:50 PM EST

Considering the depth to which section stories are buried, pretty much nobody except the four people who read the original will have any idea what this is about.

And that is what is so great about the internet. It enables pompous blowhards to connect with other pompous blowhards in a vast circle jerk of pomposity
[ Parent ]
That's what you wish /nt (none / 0) (#66)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Sun Sep 21, 2008 at 04:44:52 PM EST


--
MMM, tenured K5 uberdouchebag
- Herr mirleid


[ Parent ]
The comment history is pretty clear (none / 0) (#72)
by localroger on Sun Sep 28, 2008 at 01:54:15 PM EST

2 new in the original story vs. 16 new in this one.

And that is what is so great about the internet. It enables pompous blowhards to connect with other pompous blowhards in a vast circle jerk of pomposity
[ Parent ]
section should go away (3.00 / 2) (#50)
by dark on Wed Sep 10, 2008 at 06:17:09 PM EST

Just post everything to the front page. It's not like it's getting swamped anyway. And it would remove a difficult choice from the k5 voters, freeing up more mental resources for masturbation.

[ Parent ]
I support section (none / 0) (#58)
by anaesthetica on Fri Sep 12, 2008 at 02:30:17 PM EST

I try to vote all the Meta shit to Section. Usually doesn't work though.

—I'm the little engine that didn't.
k5: our trolls go to eleven
[A]S FAR AS A PERSON'S ACTIONS ARE CONCERNED, IT IS NOT TRUE THAT NOTHING BUT GOOD COMES FROM GOOD AND NOTHING BUT EVIL COMES FROM EVIL, BUT RATHER QUITE FREQUENTLY THE OPPOSITE IS THE CASE. ANYONE WHO DOES NOT REALIZE THIS IS IN FACT A MERE CHILD IN POLITICAL MATTERS. max weber, politics as a vocation


[ Parent ]
8238 is the best unicode character ever. (none / 0) (#62)
by Pentashagon on Sun Sep 14, 2008 at 07:14:49 PM EST

‮Really, it is.

[ Parent ]
Congratulations (none / 1) (#38)
by localroger on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 03:44:07 PM EST

You really showed me! Now all the people who find this in the various google searches that usually lead to me will think...

...wait a minute...

I think you forgot to include something in your beatdown, champ.

And that is what is so great about the internet. It enables pompous blowhards to connect with other pompous blowhards in a vast circle jerk of pomposity

It's the I-only-care-about-my-PageRank retroactive (3.00 / 7) (#41)
by Ruston Rustov on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 07:58:30 PM EST

troll!

I had had incurable open sores all over my feet for sixteen years. The doctors were powerless to do anything about it. I told my psychiatrist that they were psychosomatic Stigmata - the Stigmata are the wounds Jesus suffered when he was nailed to the cross. Three days later all my sores were gone. -- Michael Crawford
Maybe tomorrow. -- Michael Crawford
As soon as she has her first period, fuck your daughter. -- localroger

[ Parent ]
Why do you think MC and I hang around here? (1.50 / 2) (#43)
by localroger on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 09:57:23 PM EST

FAIL going around a lot lately.

And that is what is so great about the internet. It enables pompous blowhards to connect with other pompous blowhards in a vast circle jerk of pomposity
[ Parent ]
Yeah, I was going to say. (none / 1) (#57)
by MichaelCrawford on Fri Sep 12, 2008 at 07:42:15 AM EST

It's certainly not for the insightful commentary.


--

Live your fucking life. Sue someone on the Internet. Write a fucking music player. Like the great man Michael David Crawford has shown us all: Hard work, a strong will to stalk, and a few fries short of a happy meal goes a long way. -- bride of spidy


[ Parent ]

rofl i love it (1.75 / 4) (#42)
by balsamic vinigga on Tue Sep 09, 2008 at 08:29:26 PM EST

cause you just know mr. el-rog is sitting there in the hot seat with a smug smirk on his face thinking he got out of jury duty on pwnage, but counsel was like "so how 'bout this clown? nah, his worldview is too skewed by egocentrism."

---
Please help fund a Filipino Horror Movie. It's been in limbo since 2007 due to lack of funding. Please donate today!
Discourage (1) - Incorrect grammer [nt] (none / 1) (#48)
by schlouse on Wed Sep 10, 2008 at 06:28:55 AM EST



[ Parent ]
Discourage (1) - you spelled grammar wrong, dork $ (none / 1) (#51)
by gndn on Wed Sep 10, 2008 at 07:36:06 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Discourage (1) - Sexually suggestive $ (none / 1) (#52)
by schlouse on Wed Sep 10, 2008 at 07:46:53 PM EST



[ Parent ]
Neutral (2) - your gender is unspecified. $ (2.00 / 2) (#53)
by gndn on Thu Sep 11, 2008 at 12:04:11 AM EST



[ Parent ]
This story is a crime. $ (none / 1) (#45)
by lemonjuicefake on Wed Sep 10, 2008 at 12:00:34 AM EST



I'm not racist (3.00 / 4) (#46)
by the77x42 on Wed Sep 10, 2008 at 03:23:28 AM EST

Racism is a crime. And crimes are for black people.


"We're not here to educate. We're here to point and laugh." - creature
"You have some pretty stupid ideas." - indubitable ‮

[ Parent ]
You should have mentioned (3.00 / 6) (#47)
by The Emperor Has No Clothes on Wed Sep 10, 2008 at 03:47:53 AM EST

that your job is so important that you're even getting calls from EUROPE! LONG DISTANCE!

AS OPPOSED TO LOCAL CALLS FROM EUROPE! /nt (none / 0) (#65)
by MotorMachineMercenary on Sun Sep 21, 2008 at 04:43:36 PM EST


--
MMM, tenured K5 uberdouchebag
- Herr mirleid


[ Parent ]
HA HA, lekker man. (none / 1) (#56)
by rusty nail head on Fri Sep 12, 2008 at 04:27:02 AM EST

You`re a guy??? Who would have thunk it?

Pathetic (1.00 / 6) (#60)
by werner on Sat Sep 13, 2008 at 07:41:46 PM EST

Do you really have nothing constructive to contribute?

My parents always told me, "If you've got nothing nice to say, say nothing at all." I certainly don't follow that particularly closely, but I sure as hell wouldn't post an article ripping the shit out of a fundamentally benign bloke just because my penis is abnormally small and flaccid.

Get a grip, get a life. That goes for all the folk who voted this shite up, too.

Pathetic (2.75 / 4) (#61)
by lonelyhobo on Sun Sep 14, 2008 at 01:37:39 PM EST

Do you really have nothing constructive to contribute?

My parents always told me, "If you've got nothing nice to say, say nothing at all." I certainly don't follow that particularly closely, but I sure as hell wouldn't post an comment ripping the shit out of a fundamentally benign bloke just because my penis is abnormally small and flaccid.

Get a grip, get a life. That goes for all the folk who posted these types of comments, too.

[ Parent ]

STALE COPYPASTA IS STALE $ (none / 1) (#63)
by Nimey on Wed Sep 17, 2008 at 08:31:50 PM EST


--
Never mind, it was just the dog cumming -- jandev
You Sir, are an Ignorant Motherfucker. -- Crawford
I am arguably too manic to do that. -- Crawford
I already fuck my mother -- trane
Nimey is right -- Blastard
i am in complete agreement with Nimey -- i am a pretty big deal

[ Parent ]
This is my first post on the website, kuro5hin.org (3.00 / 2) (#67)
by totmacher on Mon Sep 22, 2008 at 06:00:43 PM EST

and most likely my last, I'm not a big "talk to people on the interbutt" kind of guy, even though I do like the idea of this little nook in the middle of nowhere.

Read localroger's stories before now, been here since /. started blabbing about you all and I did like the one about the master computer or whatever the fuck absorbing the human race. It was cute but too clean, in terms of style. Still, I enjoyed it...

So read this story, went wtf, looked at the comments, scrolled down to the bottom to find it was basically a troll post about localroger's story earlier. Read localroger's story in that not-frontpage section, whatever you all call it here.

Signed up for an account for the first time since I been here, paid the 5 bucks or whatever the fuck, just to say this:

localroger, you're a self-serving pompous douchebag. you really have no shame, no shame at all to broadcast to the world that you weaseled your way out of Yet Another Thing In Your Life That Did Not Directly Benefit You

I hope you get run over by a truck weighing in on one of your scales or whatever the fuck. die in a fire.

other than that, nice meeting ya'll :) and take care

-Tot

-- I'll sum it up for yo: You = Douche bag ~ Butthurtapotamus

You (none / 0) (#69)
by rusty on Mon Sep 22, 2008 at 07:50:31 PM EST

Should really stay. You totally belong here. :-)

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]
Thank you for your support (none / 0) (#73)
by localroger on Sun Sep 28, 2008 at 01:58:56 PM EST

Sorry you didn't care for that last piece. I would have responded earlier, but I've been in Europe trying to do something to correct our horrible trade imbalance situation. True it will only probably ever amount to a few million dollars but I'm sure you'll understand that we need every bit of positive trade we can get.

And that is what is so great about the internet. It enables pompous blowhards to connect with other pompous blowhards in a vast circle jerk of pomposity
[ Parent ]
How dare you! (none / 0) (#71)
by V on Wed Sep 24, 2008 at 07:01:37 PM EST

lr is so awesome that he solved the halting problem by writing a program in assembly an using a plain text database to find out if it had already ended.

Bow before his greatness!

V.
---
What my fans are saying:
"That, and the fact that V is a total, utter scumbag." VZAMaZ.
"well look up little troll" cts.
"I think you're a worthless little cuntmonkey but you made me lol, so I sigged you." re
"goodness gracious you're an idiot" mariahkillschickens

HOWTO: Avoid your civic duties, write a self-indulgent missive about the experience | 73 comments (69 topical, 4 editorial, 0 hidden)
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