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Cleaning the kitchen... for Dummies

By dopefishdave in MLP
Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 10:47:05 AM EST
Tags: Humour (all tags)

My housemate has written an awesome rant on the state of our kitchen.

This is the funniest and most biting rant I've ever read, and the fact that its directed at me, well, thats just the icing on the cake. I feel truly honoured to have inspired such vitriol.

We've all lived with them, some of us have been them, the Housemates from Hell. Luckily our house hasn't (yet) degenerated to the state of some of these I found on memepool - some truly disgusting people.

So what experiences have you had with unbearable housemates? And what have you done about it? Got any good pictures to make me feel ill while I'm eating lunch?


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How do plates get from the state of being dirty to being clean?
o I wash them up once I've finished with them 23%
o Somebody washes them up at some point. 31%
o You mean clean and dirty plates are actually the same plates? Wow. Never really looked at it like that before. 27%
o Inoshiro cleans them. 17%

Votes: 95
Results | Other Polls

Related Links
o housemate
o rant
o memepool
o some
o truly
o disgusting
o people
o Also by dopefishdave

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Cleaning the kitchen... for Dummies | 79 comments (78 topical, 1 editorial, 0 hidden)
Water, huh? (4.83 / 6) (#1)
by Prominairy on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 08:38:34 AM EST

    The rant mentions water, which I'm only vaguely familiar with; I've heard it could be dangerous, if you don't know exactly what you are dealing with. Now, detergent products on the other hand...

"Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching."

More Dangerous Than You Think. (5.00 / 5) (#10)
by priestess on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 09:25:00 AM EST

Chemical name, DihydrogenMonoxide, it's a killer, keep away from that stuff as much as you can.


My Mobile Phone Comic-books business
[ Parent ]
Housemates... (4.00 / 1) (#2)
by TheophileEscargot on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 08:39:09 AM EST

Oh, I've had a few...

Case A. This one was amusing.
It was cold. We were living in a house with fireplaces, but we had no fuel. Flatmate A had a good solution. Kick down one of the internal doors, smash up said door, burn said door. Result: a nice warm room for a while. Landlord wasn't terribly impressed tho.

Case B. Slightly more worrying.
Ex-junkie flatmate, now heavily using ketamine. For some reason, liked to take large doses of ketamine, then lie on the roof. I've never tried it, so I can't say if that's a good way to do it. He never fell off tho, which was impressive.

Case C. Not amusing.
Flatmate brought home prostitutes. We're not sure if the prostitutes were light fingered, or he was paying the prostitutes with our money; but money and valuables kept disappearing from our bedrooms. He got evicted in the end.

Best solution to the cleaning problem: just pay for a cleaning lady once a week. It's not that expensive between a group, and the amount of aggro saved is incredible. The house is still a tip for five days or so before she comes round; but it at least keeps the leftovers from getting maggotty. It also makes it slightly less likely that you're bombed by the USAF on suspicion of being a germ warfare factory.
Support the nascent Mad Open Science movement... when we talk about "hundreds of eyeballs," we really mean it. Lagged2Death

Sounds familiar (5.00 / 2) (#5)
by dopefishdave on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 08:55:59 AM EST

Case A reminded me of one of my previous housemates (lets call him 'Rory' to protect the guilty).

We'd had a little house party to celebrate the end of our final year and some of my Rory's friends had come over from Dublin. Everything was going well, nice little barbecue in the back garden. All seemed fine.

Until that is a few drunken Irish people decided to use a shopping trolley we had in the back garden (different story) as the basis for a little bonfire. So the disposable barbecue sets got "disposed" of. But when the fire was dieing down, more fuel was required. So, a table chair that had been outside was also "disposed" of. And then another. And our kitchen table.

After a little while, this source of fuel had also run out. It was about this time that somebody managed to kick the back door off its hinges. Well... drunken Irish guys being what they are immediately recognised the possibilities for an "unwanted" back door. And that too was ceremonially burnt.

I woke up the following morning to find the kitchen cleaned out and burnt in the back garden along with our back door. A kitchen pan had also been thrown through the kitchen window, grafitti plastered all over the back of the house... ya know, usual stuff for a house party. All in all, a successful night. Luckily we moved out a few days later and left a little "surprise" for the landlord.

We think we understand music until we try to compose it and what comes out of the piano scares the cat.
-- Robert McKee
[ Parent ]

more housemates (none / 0) (#18)
by chopper on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 11:15:51 AM EST

heh. me and my roommate just got rid of two other roommates.

they never cleaned, and man, you should've seen the basement. after josh and i got a wild hair up our collective asses to clean it up, roommate #1 was all 'well, why didn't you tell me you wanted to clean up?'


but then josh left this cool rant on the fridge, starting with 'hey welfare douchebags'. i'll see if i can get a copy of it, its hilarious ;)

give a man a fish,he'll eat for a day

give a man religion and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish
[ Parent ]

Gravitation, Aviation and Conflagration. (4.66 / 6) (#65)
by TeRmInAlCrAzY on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 05:19:51 PM EST

Some more 'dotes for ya...


I was staying in a flat with 4 or 5 other guys. The place was a total tip. We kept our place clean enough, but the other tenants... Eurgh.

The last straw came early one morning as we were all awoken by a tremendous crash. The bathroom of the people upstairs had come down to visit us.

Now, I had thought I had seen it all, until I saw the state of that bathroom. Some people had obviously not learned any of that fine motor control neccessary for good toilet usage, and the damn thing was blocked up with newspapers and ... stuff when it came for a visit. Needless to say, we were less than pleased with the situation, especially as the upstairs washbasin had remained affixed to the wall, directly above the heads of anyone trying to use our .... facilities. It made damn sure that when you went to the bog, you didn't spend any extra time in there reading!


At another place, one of the guys in the house was a really large bloke. Not large as in fat, but large as in 6 foot 7 inches, 17 stone and built like a brick one. His GF was a really nice girl. All 5 foot nothing and 100 pounds of her.

The house was fairly crowded, and Guy and Gal used to sleep on the couch in the front room.

No Problem.

Apart from one curious, and, it turns out, hilarious design issue with the couch.

It was one of those pull out couch jobbies that, when turned into a bed, had this sort of cross section:


They'd normally sleep in this pattern :

    (  B  )(G)

Unfortunately, from time to time, he'd roll over to this sort of thing:

(  B  )    (G)

See the tiny little problem?

Yup, poor girl used to fly out of bed, land on the middle of the floor, crawl back, punch guy back into position in the middle of the bed, crawl over him, back under the covers, all without waking up!

This happened a couple of times while people were visiting, and it was highly entertaining. Especially since the lady in question .... didn't like wearing anything in bed.


Some friends of mine lived in an old four story house, fairly run down. It was the middle of winter, and a bit nippy. The house did have a fireplace, but as the guys were penniless students (well, not actually penniless, but functionally -> All their pennies went on Butts, Beer and Pizza) they had no fuel for the fire. As they were sitting on the couch, scratching themselves and wondering what to do, their eyes fell on to the stairs.

The wooden stairs.

Faster than you or I could possibly have stopped them, they proceeded to rip out every other step on the stairs, smash'em up and burn them.

... Uhuh, yes, this was rented accommodation.

... Nuhuh, no, they did not get the deposit back.

Right, back to the story.

The lads thought this was brilliant. Lovely fire. Warm, innit? They liked it so much, they continued the process. At first it was every second step, then every third, then the entire top staircase because nobody slept up there.

I believe it was somewhere in their tiny minds that this was not a sustainable practice, and that sooner rather than .... nah, just sooner, it was all going to come falling down around their heads...

Speaking of which, right at the start of this .... new style DIY project, one of the other guys came home early one morning. Unfortunately, he had missed the atavistic depredations of his housemates, and was unaware of the ... compromised state of the staircase.

Luckily, the phone still worked. One presumes this is because it was not flammable. I must say that the scars did heal up nicely.

Eventually, the stairs did not really exist in any practical, stairlike fashion. More a kind of demonic, jungle-gym on steroids type of thing. This was brought home finally one day, when the topmost house-dweller, in what I must assume was a bid for freedom, started down the stairs, carrying a lot of his stuff.

Did I mention that he was a bit of a fitness fanatic? Liked to lift a few weights? No? .... Ah.

Well, in the process of negotiating a particularly feindish combination of Stair, No Stair, Stair, No Stair, No Stair , he lost his grip on his holdall and proceeded to turn the staircase remains into just a Dirty Great Big Hole.

The other lads popped their heads into the bottom of the hole, looked at yer man at the top, and fell about laughing. Left him up there for a while, too, while they got a ladder.

Eventually the Landlord gained entry, and was, quite understandably, a bit upset. Luckily none of the guys asked for a reference or they might have found themselves eating the remains of the staircase.

One thing they all did say, though, was that the further up in the house you lived, the fitter you got.

Apart, that is, for the fitness fanatic.


This space for rent, low, low rates
[ Parent ]
Haven't had "from hell" but... (4.37 / 8) (#4)
by DesiredUsername on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 08:47:36 AM EST

Two semi-amusing (at least to me) anecdotes:

Lived with a guy for the summer. Classic case of a dimwit who thinks he knows everything. His most common comment during a movie would be regarding anything he found unlikely or out of place. "they wrote that part in" he would say. Finally, sick of hearing this inane comment another roommate and I both turned to him and shouted "Of course they wrote that part in! It's a movie! They wrote the whole thing in!"

Different year, different roommate. The roommates themselves were actually cool, but they had a few annoying habits (who doesn't). In this particular case, though, it drove me crazy for some reason--every single night he would take off his socks and leave them in the middle of the living room floor. Every night. So I decided to take matters into my own hands--every time I found socks there (and I was unobserved) I would toss them behind the couch. I figured eventually he would run out of socks and begin to wonder where he had left them.

Well, he didn't. I'm not sure how many socks he had or where he kept them all, but when we moved that couch at the end of the school year we were nearly bowled over by the avalanche of socks that came pouring out. "Whose socks are these??" "Ummm...I dunno."

Play 囲碁
The trick (5.00 / 9) (#6)
by Rand Race on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 08:57:32 AM EST

The secret to being a fairly clean slob dishes-wise is actually quite simple as I myself long ago discovered. First of all, ask yourself 'how many dishes do I need?'. Your results may vary, but for me it's one plate, two bowls, a glass, a mug, and one set of silverware. Now reduce the contents of your cupboard to just these needed items. Get rid of all the rest, don't just store them as you will hunt them out when slovenliness rears it's ugly head but get them far, far away or destroy them, which can be quite fun. Now that you are reduced to your minimum needed dishes you will have to clean them every time you wish to eat off of them. This not only forces you to clean the dishes but also reduces the mass contained in the sink when you haven't washed them thusly greatly limiting the funk factor.

The only problem I have found to this is some people's irrational need to have full dish sets; Avoid these people as roommates at all costs, they will stock your shelves with every serving device known to man and, get this, will insist that you clean them if you get them dirty. Even though your single set of dishes plan was totally ruined by their arrival with their foolish table settings they will somehow blame you for the overflowing sink. Yes some people are odd that way, it's true. The need for all these superfluous dishes seems more prevalent in women than men, but beware male cooks and other men involved in the food service industry as they will often be party to this insanity as well.

"Question with boldness even the existence of God; because if there be one, He must approve the homage of Reason rather than that of blindfolded Fear." - Thomas Jefferson

No kidding (3.80 / 5) (#8)
by DesiredUsername on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 09:05:31 AM EST

My wife and I have a deal: she washes, I put away. Of course, she can't wash until I've put away because there is no room. So periodically we have a situation where the sink is crammed with dirty dishes.

She points to my laziness, but I contend that we simply have too many dishes. There are elements of both, but let me point out for the record that we have at least 20 dinner plates (of various patterns) stacked in our cupboard. For a house with only two adults, that's a lot of plates. And that's just *dinner* plates. We also have around 20 small plates. And probably 30 or more cups/glasses.

Play 囲碁
[ Parent ]
Glasses (3.66 / 3) (#19)
by codemonkey_uk on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 11:39:54 AM EST

I must have about a million pint glasses. Well, I exaggerate, but the glasses I own do not all fit inside their cupboard. Despite the high number of breakages, people keep turning up after the pub with more of them. As a gift.
"The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way." - Bertrand Russell
[ Parent ]
Ditto (none / 0) (#78)
by Yer Mom on Thu Nov 08, 2001 at 11:29:06 AM EST

I have tons of glasses, too. Mainly from beer festivals - you buy the glass when you go in and, while you can get a refund on it afterwards, the queues are usually too long to bother, and a glass is a nice souvenir (as opposed to the hangover, which is not a nice souvenir :)

Of course, going to Belgium recently and coming back with three crates of assorted beers didn't help. Well, you've got to have the proper glasses, haven't you? (I'm also running out of space to store the beers, but there's an obvious solution to this one... *hic*)
Smoke crack. Worship Satan. Admin Unix.
[ Parent ]

One of the 12 tried this. (4.25 / 4) (#14)
by priestess on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 09:56:59 AM EST

One of the twelve guys in our student house tried this. Collected up most of the plates etc. and hid them in the attic. Everyone was pretty pissed off with him for hiding their stuff so, until he gave in and revealed the location, all the dirty washing up just went on his bed instead of in the sink. Ewww.


My Mobile Phone Comic-books business
[ Parent ]
Messes (4.00 / 2) (#7)
by DesiredUsername on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 09:01:04 AM EST

First of all, this is a very very funny link. My favoriate quote was the one you put in your poll about "the same plates".

Second, the links to the trash.jpg. There may be some people here who think those pictures are fake or don't reflect actual living conditions. I wouldn't know. However, I DO know that such messes exist in at least some houses. A friend of mine in HS had a house only marginally cleaner (it had pathways you could walk through, that's the only real difference). The worst was the kitchen--literally every square inch of surface was covered with trash, empty containers, dirty dishes, old newspapers, etc. A couple of times I went in there to make a sandwich or something and I had to balance the bread on the plate while putting on the peanut butter--there was no place to set the plate down. (looking back on it I'm surprised I had an appetite and was willing to risk eating their food)

Play 囲碁
Messy Kitchens (4.33 / 3) (#9)
by Cloaked User on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 09:15:01 AM EST

The most consistently messy kitchen I have ever seen was that of a house shared by 7 male students in my second year of university. They were all "recreational smokers" (you know what I mean), and so often lacked motivation for anything other than sitting in front of the TV, and seemed to go feral without the civilising influence of the fairer sex.

I was there one night, when one of them had a friend round, and was cooking them both a curry prior to going out. He actually sterilised a work surface by pouring boiling water over it before starting to preapre the food.

When they moved out, they removed seven large sacks worth of rubbish from the kitchen alone.

Needless to say, I never ate there.


"What the fuck do you mean 'Are you inspired to come to work'? Of course I'm not 'inspired'. It's a job for God's sake! The money's enough and the work's not so crap that I leave."
[ Parent ]
That's nothin' (3.00 / 1) (#11)
by DesiredUsername on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 09:31:36 AM EST

I moved into a house (temporarily) that had previously been rented by a similar group, apparently. There were two stairways in this house, one of which had a door to the kitchen. Luckily I found this stairway from the top first, because it was literally half-filled (as in, halfway up to the second floor) with empty cans and bottles that would all have come crashing out if I'd opened the bottom door. I took seven large sacks of *cans alone* to the store for refund.

We didn't clean the house any further than that because we had a roommate drop out on us and we had to move.

Play 囲碁
[ Parent ]
Another Idea (4.50 / 2) (#12)
by horslin on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 09:39:28 AM EST

Now, being a cheapskate and a lazy bastard, I didn't want to do dishes, but I couldn't afford a dishwasher.

So I kept my eyes peeled, and sure enough this family out in the suburbs were throwing out a perfectly fine dishwasher. Worked fine and it even looked decent, it was missing a bottom panel, but no big deal. It wasn't very hard to hookup either.

My friend was quite embarrassed, because it was her neighbor's dishwasher I was taking.

Now the only problem is actually emptying the dishwasher.

"To be born a gentleman is an accident. To die one, an achievement."
The dishwasher (3.00 / 1) (#15)
by ajf on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 10:08:21 AM EST

I shared a place with two other people for about nine months last year. I admit that I'm not the tidiest person around, and I do have a habit of leaving dishes lying around for a day or so. But somebody seemed to think that the sick old dishwasher could remove large chunks of food from plates without even using any of this "fucking washing-up liquid" stuff fridgemagnet's guide talks about. So the "clean" plates and cutlery were about as clean as the ones I didn't wash...

"I have no idea if it is true or not, but given what you read on the Web, it seems to be a valid concern." -jjayson
[ Parent ]
Throwing out dishwashers (4.00 / 3) (#16)
by stephent on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 10:17:35 AM EST

I'm glad your "found" dishwasher actually worked! When I moved into my new flat, there was a disused dishwasher as well as a disused washing machine in it. The dishwasher hadn't worked in over a year and had some really, really smelly water in the bottom of it. I don't know about the washing machine, but it was missing the door... it may well have worked if it had a new door but we couldn't be bothered to find out.

So we called the council to fetch them and took them both outside one evening along with a really screwed up bed base that had been lying outside in the rain for two months. The next morning the bed base and the dishwasher had disappeared, leaving only the washing machine for the council to pick up. I hope the dishwasher was worth something as scrap to the person who took it because it certainly wasn't worth anything as a dishwasher.

[ Parent ]

I'm glad too (3.00 / 1) (#28)
by horslin on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 02:01:21 PM EST

I'm glad your "found" dishwasher actually worked!

Me too... actually it took a little work to get it working again. I guess the person who took it decided to unhook a lot of the internal wiring. It wasn't much of a problem really, and took 5 minutes to fix.

I asked the people if it worked, and they claim it did. So it all worked out well.
"To be born a gentleman is an accident. To die one, an achievement."
[ Parent ]

House Inspection. (4.66 / 9) (#13)
by priestess on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 09:50:27 AM EST

When I was a student I lived in a Student Village, owned and run by the university in an attempt to ensure that we didn't corrupt the local population to any great degree, each house had between four and twelve students living in it, and a good proportion of them were filled up with grime and dirt.

At the begining of each year there would be a poster stuck to the will with handy cleaning tips like "Frequent Cleaning Means Easy Cleaning" which we took to mean, you know, give it a good going over at the end of each term just before the house-inspector came to see if we get a deposit back or not. Usually by then the poster would have to come down since it was too covered in food-fight detrius to clean it off, even when they laminated it.

Amazing how dirty a kitchen shared between twelve lads and whoever happened to pop around managed to get during ten weeks of leaving stuff in the vague hope that someone else would do it so you don't have to. We did still manage to cook there, but the daily Grill-Fire emptied the fire-extinguisher eventually so we had to stop using the grill unless there was some aluminium foil to put over the gunk in the bottom to stop it from igniting.

At the end of the second year, we once again were told by the house inspector that our cleaning-up had been unsuccessful and we had another week to get it sparlky. We were, he said, the worst house in the village - so we came top out of a thousand students in fucking the house up even if not in passing exams as such.

And there are cleaning-pixies, we had a colony of them nesting outside our flat and could see them carrying crumbs and other small bits of rubbish out to it in a long line. They're black and small and have six legs. I think they're all called Anthony. They enjoyed following the sugar trail we left for them into Phil's room when he went away for a weekend.

I live on my own now, so I know that nobody else will clean up after me if I leave it long enough. I'm getting much better at it than I used to be ten years ago. I remember someone back then refusing to eat off of one of our plates because it was too dirty so one of the other lads just asked her to swap with him. Seems he was on anti-biotics anyway.


My Mobile Phone Comic-books business
Proud renter of a heaving pile of literal crap. (3.50 / 2) (#17)
by xrayspx on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 11:14:53 AM EST

This was a really appropriate story to see first thing when I got to work. I just put my deposit down on my new apartment.

The landlord made me the deal that the less he had to do to it, the lower my rent would be, so I decided that as long as everything worked (plumbing, electric, new door and lockset for the one that had been kicked in...), I'd handle the rest.

Bad move, place is a huge dump. The last tenant never cleaned the kitchen sink, never cleaned the toilet, there was mold in the fridge that almost made me and my fiancee die in pools of our own vomit. But the worst is that he had ferrets, a cat, no litter box. So we're cleaning up bagfuls of literal shit from every corner of the building.

At least I can be fairly sure that I can burn the building down and still get my security deposit back, in fact I'd probably be doing the landlord a favor.

"I see one maggot, it all gets thrown away" -- My Wife
Renting really unclean places (4.00 / 2) (#24)
by malikcoates on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 01:21:07 PM EST

One of my previous aparments was very bad as well. Maybe not that bad but everything from the fridge to the oven to the tub was encrusted with I don't know what. I tried and tried to make the place clean, but I kept finding more places with shit in them. It seemed I was always finding more cat hair.. and I don't have a cat.

Finally I got a proffessional cleaning service to come in. What an amazing difference that made. I had no problem maintaining it after the professionals got the place back to normal. I'd really reccommend paying the bucks or whatever to have a couple people really do your place over and never worry about cleaning up shit from the previous renters pets again.

[ Parent ]

on ferrets... (none / 0) (#68)
by Sikpup on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 07:14:39 PM EST

I'd just give up now. I have 4, and even policing their 3 litter boxes daily, I still clean up misses. Your predecessors ferret(s) had run of the house. If there is a 2 inch hole anywhere, you will find: excrement, ferret toys, or both.

I love my critters dearly, but I won't let them have run of the house. They are far too curious and mischievous to allow that. And my wife would kill me when she found a present somewhere it didn't belong...

[ Parent ]
thoughts about cleaning... (2.80 / 5) (#20)
by flummox on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 11:52:13 AM EST

what the fuck is "washing-up liquid"?? wouldn't it just be simpler (more simple) to call it "soap" or "liquid soap"??

that picture he posted of a "clean sink" was probably the most disgusting job of cleaning i've ever seen. i'd tell that prick to stick to "cleaning his pole", if you get my drift. why would anyone set a "clean" coffee mug on the drainage section that is covered in "washing-up bubbles"?? maybe he likes the taste of his "washing-up" liquid (soap) in his coffee/tea...

about the only thing my roommate ever did to really piss me off is leave my stereo turned up too loud and install AOL Instant Messenger on my PC. that's uncalled for...

tell mr.fridgemagnet to get himself laid once in a while... or, how about moving out? now there's an idea...


cap'n flummox

"Good Evening. For those of you who have candy, I hope you brought enough for all of us."
- Maynard James Keenan
cleaning (3.33 / 3) (#41)
by TheNefariousNoodle on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 11:11:47 PM EST

why would anyone set a "clean" coffee mug on the drainage section that is covered in "washing-up bubbles"?? maybe he likes the taste of his "washing-up" liquid (soap) in his coffee/tea...

Actually, when I was in england several years ago, I was alarmed to note that our most gracious and otherwise civilized hosts didn't really care for the practice of rinsing dishes at all...they's just let them sit there and dry with that nice thin film of 'washing-up liquid' all over. I seemed to be common knownledge among the french families we subsequently stayed with that this practice is necessary in order to expidite the process of metabolizing the strange substances that pass off for food in the british isles... :)

{The Nefarious Noodle}

"Do you have the time/To listen to me whine/About nothing and everything/All at once?" --Green Day, "Basket Case"
[ Parent ]

Lack of rinsing, and drying with unhygienic things (4.00 / 1) (#45)
by MyrdemInggala on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 05:36:32 AM EST

Yes... I also find it disturbing that some people feel no need to rinse dishes after washing.

Considerably more disturbing, however, are people who insist on wiping dishes dry instead of leaving them on the rack - using The Kitchen Rag. Completely disregarding the state of cleanliness of said rag, which is usually damp, brownish and very smelly. Ewww. If you wouldn't lick it, don't rub it all over your plates.

I have, of course, nothing against those individuals who wipe their dishes dry using a clean cloth reserved solely for that purpose. Their efforts to keep the sink free of clutter should be applauded.

-- 22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head. -- Evil Overlord List
[ Parent ]
Thou are nought but a cad and a knave.... (none / 0) (#50)
by Akaru on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 07:11:42 AM EST

<i>Actually, when I was in england several years ago, I was alarmed to note that our most gracious and otherwise civilized hosts didn't really care for the practice of rinsing dishes at all...they's just let them sit there and dry with that nice thin film of 'washing-up liquid' all over. I seemed to be common knownledge among the french families we subsequently stayed with that this practice is necessary in order to expidite the process of metabolizing the strange substances that pass off for food in the british isles... :) </i>

Two points

Firstly, in a hard water area you generally don't get much soap left on plates,

Secondly, I expect they only washed up for show, leaving the real work for their trusty man servants to do.

Thirdly, the British Gentlemans Longevity, honour and intelligence is no doubt a by poroduct of these soap intakes, that many a heathen from the America's can call no claim to.

Fourthly, I'm not even sure what Americans eat? do they have their own foods or is it all hotdogs and hamburgers? Gimme a couple of Faggots and a Steak and Kidney pie anyday. Damn Yanks ;P

Oh and Lastly Don't worry I rinse plates myself, and often dry them up and put them away, that said, all you people afraid of a little dirt are failing to increase your bodys resistance to the everyday menaces of Germs and such, No doubt one day you shall be struck down by a simple bug that could have been avoided if you licked more dirt up off the floor.


[ Parent ]
cads (4.00 / 2) (#53)
by CaptainZornchugger on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 09:54:14 AM EST

Gimme a couple of Faggots and a Steak




Oh, you mean cigarettes.

Look at that chord structure. There's sadness in that chord structure.
[ Parent ]
Fool Hardy Yank I challenge you to a duel. (none / 0) (#55)
by Akaru on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 10:56:01 AM EST

No actually Faggot is one of two things, a bundle of sticks and twigs, often when we go for all night partys on the beach we are urged to bring a Faggot of Wood to burn, this doesn't stop our lively American cousins turning up at a Gay Bar and trying to accost a homosexual for burning purposes.

The other thing a Faggot may be is a type of food, made of liver, bacon, breadcrumbs and all sorts of other stuff probably the eyelids and lips of pigs as well. Rolled into a ball and then cooked in gravy served with mushy peas and chips.

A Fag is a slang for Cigarrette.
When I did happen to smoke I never attempted it whilst eating at the same time.

Only divine providence allowed the mass migration of the foolhardy and criminal to the States I see that now, what ever the whole war thing we had was all about I don't know
:-P :D

[ Parent ]
Dry it up Now! (none / 0) (#49)
by Akaru on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 07:00:11 AM EST

that picture he posted of a "clean sink" was probably the most disgusting job of cleaning i've ever seen. i'd tell that prick to stick to "cleaning his pole", if you get my drift. why would anyone set a "clean" coffee mug on the drainage section that is covered in "washing-up bubbles"?? maybe he likes the taste of his "washing-up" liquid (soap) in his coffee/tea...

His Rant is fine and Dandy but I agree with above, next he needs to do a drying up and putting the plates away for dummies

[ Parent ]

so we never cleaned coffee cups (3.00 / 1) (#56)
by B'voYpenburg on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 11:01:17 AM EST

because they are always de-bacterialized when used. It also kept this bad soap taste out.

[ Parent ]
2 points (4.00 / 1) (#21)
by el_guapo on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 11:59:42 AM EST

1) that is absolutly fucking hilarious! it literally made me laugh out loud. 2) was that a washing machine under the kitchen counter? Is this typical over there? (I assume Britain) (I am honestly curious as a bonafide ignorant American, sorry)
mas cerveza, por favor mirrors, manifestos, etc.
Erm, yeah... (4.00 / 2) (#25)
by dopefishdave on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 01:25:43 PM EST

where else would you put it? I mean, it'd look pretty silly stacked up on top of the counter...;)

But seriously (speaking as an ignorant Brit), what else can you do with it in a small kitchen? (no rude suggestions required, thanks tho)

My parents have theirs in a seperate room. But, erm, its still under a kitchen counter. Man, maybe it is a Great British tradition, or sth...

We think we understand music until we try to compose it and what comes out of the piano scares the cat.
-- Robert McKee
[ Parent ]

washing machie in kitchen (5.00 / 1) (#29)
by malikcoates on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 02:07:16 PM EST

I don't know how things are across the pond.

In America
Washing Machine = Thing you dirty clothes in. Usually in laundry room. Some commercial washers have glass windows so you can watch the clothes go around and get clean
Dishwasher = Thing you put dirty dishes in. These don't have windows.

The previous poster was asking if this is a machine for cleaning clothes because it has a window.

[ Parent ]

narp (5.00 / 1) (#34)
by keithwxyz on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 05:27:53 PM EST

I don't think that the reason it is a machine for cleaning clothes is because it has a window. It goes deeper than that.

[ Parent ]
Re: washing machine in kitchen (none / 0) (#40)
by danceswithcrows on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 10:02:04 PM EST

Washing Machine = Thing you dirty clothes in.

Please proofread carfully to see if you any words out. However, it wouldn't surprise me to learn that someone somewhere got pissed, barfed in the washing machine, didn't tell his housemates, and made your statement true....

Matt G (aka Dances With Crows) There is no Darkness in Eternity/But only Light too dim for us to see
[ Parent ]

Yup... (3.00 / 1) (#44)
by spiralx on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 05:17:43 AM EST

It's definitely the same here. I think the previous poster was just confused :)

You're doomed, I'm doomed, we're all doomed for ice cream. - Bob Aboey
[ Parent ]

uhhh what malicoates said :) (none / 0) (#33)
by el_guapo on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 04:24:21 PM EST

wow - ok, i naturaly assumed everyone else in the world knew that the very specific term "washing machine" meant "clothes washing machine" :-) - so lemme try again - that thing under your counter looks to me like a clothes washing machine, albeit one slightly different than Americans usually have (the little window is what we usually don't have, and they usually load from the top). now, DISH washing machines (ok, get this, the machine for clothes we call a "washing machine" and the one for dishes we call a "dishwasher", hey, at least we're {cough} consistent:-) are usually under the counter in the kitchen; and i've NEVER seen one with a window. thus i assumed the thing under your counter was a clothes washing machine, and under you kitchen counter seemed an odd place to me. to conclude, please help out this terribly ignorant and nosy american by clearly explaining where and what are called the devices in your abode that A)clean your clothes, B)clean your dishes, and perhaps even the one that C)dries your clothes ;-)
mas cerveza, por favor mirrors, manifestos, etc.
[ Parent ]
third world countries (3.00 / 4) (#36)
by keithwxyz on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 05:33:36 PM EST

It's true. England was basically built by savages who shat in cans and/or the street. They were too busy stewing the shit out of vegetables and shipping each other off to the colonies to get around to inventing washing machines, let alone building houses with rooms to put them in. So now they go under the counter in the kitchen. You can see hints of the other great innovation of the twentieth century in the photo - a combination boiler to provide hot water for the sink and bath (they still haven't figured out about showers) and heating for the typically miserably small appartment (flat) or terrace house (flat), semi-detatched (flat) or whatever (flat).

[ Parent ]
The Slum conditions continue to ... (5.00 / 1) (#48)
by Akaru on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 06:50:54 AM EST

... exist where students live, for one, they're cheap, secondly, as students generally like to trash everything, any trashing they do is only an improvement.
I remember having a bad night in a very similar Kitchen to the one pictured, All I can say is Drugs and rodents don't mix well kids.

Naturally you'll understand that the reason people went to america in the first place was not because of the religious intolerance in england but because they wanted a separate room to house their washing machine and dryer.

[ Parent ]
So how come... (3.00 / 1) (#54)
by salsaman on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 10:42:03 AM EST

...Americans, being so smart, haven't discovered front loading washing machines yet ? I mean, why go to all the trouble of filling a big tub with hot water and spinning it round and round ? It is far more efficient and evironmentally friendly just to have a little water at the bottom of the drum and then spin the clothes into that. Also the machine will take up a lot less space if the opening is on the front rather than the top.

Oh yes, now I remember, you Yanks like things big, dumb and environmentally polluting - hence the popularity of the SUV.

;-) Salsaman.

[ Parent ]

Yes, well... (3.00 / 2) (#62)
by ghjm on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 04:07:13 PM EST

We also like our clothes to be actually clean, as opposed to the sort of nominal cleanliness produced by a British-style "washing" machine. We also own the Great Lakes, by far the largest reserves of fresh water in the world, so excessive use of water is as nothing to us. (Assuming of course that you discount Canada's worthless claims to own the parts that lie within their country.)

[ Parent ]
SUV's (none / 0) (#71)
by keithwxyz on Sat Nov 03, 2001 at 07:10:47 AM EST

SUV's are on about par with black cabs, execpt at least they get turned off when not in use... England is full of big and small cars belching diesel fumes with drivers who believe that their mobile smokestacks are somehow environmentally friendly... Smog was an english invention (london peasoup wasn't just water vapours).

[ Parent ]
just in case it wasn't obvious (3.00 / 1) (#37)
by el_guapo on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 05:47:32 PM EST

there was a big fat <sarcasm> tag in front of "i naturaly assumed everyone else in the world knew that the very specific term "washing machine" meant "clothes washing machine""
mas cerveza, por favor mirrors, manifestos, etc.
[ Parent ]
Cleaning Appliances (none / 0) (#46)
by Cloaked User on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 05:47:28 AM EST

Over here (in the UK) the vast majority of washing machines (= what you wash your clothes in, of course) are front loading, and have a little glass window in the door. I assume that's there so that you can see if it's full of water before opening the door, but none of them let you open the door if it is full of water... In fact, I bought a washing machine myself about 18 months ago, and don't remember there being any top-loading ones in the shop.

As for where they're kept, under a counter in the kitchen seems to be fairly common; certainly that's where it's been in every house I've lived in, and is where it is in my house. It makes sense to me - after all, you already have a water supply to that room, and waste water plumbing.

You're right about dishwashers, of course - they never have windows in the doors "over here", either :-)


"What the fuck do you mean 'Are you inspired to come to work'? Of course I'm not 'inspired'. It's a job for God's sake! The money's enough and the work's not so crap that I leave."
[ Parent ]
american washers and dryers (none / 0) (#61)
by rebelcool on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 03:55:04 PM EST

i imagine this is a byproduct of the fact british homes in general are quite smaller than american ones. I have a friend whos family moved from manchester and recently acquired a new house. While not terribly large (by american standards) they used to rave about how much larger and cheaper than their british home.

But anyway, for the most part washers and dryers here are large, separate units kept in a little 'utility room' as its commonly called. Washers are *usually* toploading (this is so you can add extra detergents like fabric softener to the water when its filled), but you might be able to find one or two front loading washers. They're really quite rare and are generally foreign brands...

For the record though, in my apartment the washer/dryer are stacked on top of each other in a nook off to the side of the kitchen. I wish I had a front loading washer as there is hardly any room between the washer and dryer on top of it. I always end up leaving socks in the damn thing where I cant see...

COG. Build your own community. Free, easy, powerful. Demo site
[ Parent ]

Rare? (none / 0) (#63)
by Ludwig on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 04:34:59 PM EST

Front-loading washers aren't all that rare, but they do tend to be found more in laundromats than homes, as their initial purchase price is higher. They're a lot more efficient, though -- the EPA estimates that they'll save a family of four $75-100 annually in utility bills, so it doesn't take but a few years for a front-loader to pay for itself. Supposedly the lack of a central agitator tangling up your stuff contributes to garment life as well.

Maytag, Kenmore, and Frigidaire all offer front-loading models, so it's not just fancy European brands.

New developments in the field include combination washer/dryers and tilted front-loaders.

[ Parent ]

New washer (3.00 / 1) (#66)
by catseye on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 05:44:27 PM EST

There's also a new Kenmore Calypso top loading washer, that uses a LOT less water and is very engergy efficient. Instead of having a central rotator as an agitator, there is no central post and the whole bottom moves around and agitates the clothes. This also means you can fit a LOT more stuff in there, like a king-size comforter, without worrying about it getting ripped or leaving streaks of detergent. I've got one and I love it... the only downside is that you're supposed to use special detergent rated for high energy (he) washers. if you use normal detergent, it will oversoap and not come out, unless you use a lot less of it.

[ Parent ]
My stories (3.66 / 3) (#22)
by dennis on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 01:06:58 PM EST

I can't claim to be an innocent, but my best stories are about my roommates, all from my first year in college:

1) One guy gets drunk, throws up in the living room at 5 am, goes on a ski trip without cleaning up, comes back that night with a broken collarbone. Claims he's too incapacitated to clean up now. Nobody else wants to do it. So a pile of puke, about the same size and shape as a pie, sits in the living room for the next five days. Fortunately, there were weekly dorm inspections for people like us, so we had to draw straws.

2) We were in Germany, and German beer kegs work by gravity, not pressure. One day I come home, open the front door, and see that my roommates have managed to break a kegspout, and spew an entire kegfull of beer onto the living room floor. With a seven-person apartment, we had a pretty good size living room, and the whole place was over a quarter-inch deep in beer. Luckily it was a hardwood floor.

3) One of my roommates was a punker who spent a lot of time on the streets downtown. One weekend when I wasn't there, he brought about thirty of his German streetpunk friends over to the apartment for the weekend...

Living in Florida (3.33 / 3) (#23)
by Blue Aardvark House on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 01:14:29 PM EST

This is the one thing that really motivates me to keep the kitchen clean. The slightest bit of food particles will attract thousands of ants, seemingly from nowhere. Besides, all that dirty stuff in the sink looks and smells gross. Fortunately, my finace is quite helpful in this effort. Not a housemate from hell, I suppose.

Been there, done that. (3.00 / 1) (#26)
by jtown@punk.net on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 01:38:35 PM EST

This reminds me of a time years ago when two of my roommates got their panties in a bunch about the State of the Kitchen and "confronted" the other two of us living in the apartment. One of them went on and on about how he runs the dishwasher nearly every day and he hardly ever sees us doing anything about it. The stove is always a mess, the fridge is crawling with vagrant beasts, etc. After he'd gone on for some time, we pointed a fact that we thought would be rather obvious to him. He and the other complainer were cooking two or three meals a day in the apartment using several pans, bowls, plates, utensils, etc. every day. The two of us on the receiving end of his lecture generally cooked two or three meals a month in the apartment. Naturally, we could hardly be expected to be running the dishwasher or cleaning up as often as the two who never eat out and both of us were careful to always rinse off the things we'd used and put them in the dishwasher. If that little bit filled the machine, we'd start it running. If we needed something that happened to be in the dishwasher (and it was clean), we'd empty the entire dishwasher. The best part when when he said, "But you only clean the stuff you use! What about all these other dishes that have been sitting here for a week?"

Eventually, we settled on a rotating cleaning schedule with 4 jobs for 4 people and it was agreed that nothing would sit in the sink for more than 24 hours. (And the person who put it there was responsible for dealing with it, not whoever happened to be on kitched duty that week.) It actually worked pretty well. I don't think I've ever seen a cleaner apartement with 4 20-something males.

My story (3.00 / 2) (#27)
by razzmataz on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 01:46:37 PM EST

While I'm not the cleanist person on the planet, I did live in a house that absolutly went to hell one summer.

I was looking for a house to live in for the summer between semesters, and found a nice house with decent roommates, or so it seemed. The handle on the front door was sort of loose when I moved in, and eventually by the time I moved out, there was nothing left of the handle.

No one would clean the kitchen, dishes or bath room. I never kept my room clean, but I always kept my mess to myself. One of the roommates brought his cat there, and pretty much abused the poor thing. It was always pestering me for attention. The roommate left his bed sheets out in the back yard one day, and I later found out that this was due to the cat taking a huge dump all over them. I suppose the cat was angry at his owner.

Food routinely spoiled in the two fridges, to say nothing of the 'food' spoiling on the kitchen counter and sink. Instead of a garbage can, we used paper grocery bags. They accumulated, I believe due to the fact that none of use felt like spending the the money for the trash bags that the fine city of East Lansing mandated we used (speaking of East Lansing, any current Spartans know what's going on there?). When I did find a proper trashcan beside the house, I lifted the lid and almost was overcome by a foul rotting smell. One of the original roommates said after I told him of this, "Oh, yeah, that's were we mixed our jungle juice for our new year's party". That was quite a site, along with the kitty litter box in the spot where I guess a dishwashing machine would fit. I had my own dishes, but never used them for the better part of the summer because there were too many 'rotting' and dirty dishes filling up the sink. I basically lived on one meal a day of chinese buffet, a box of breakfast cereal, or a large pizza (since non of these things involved using the kitchen).

Later on, the roof developed a leak, so we had water seeping into the attic and second floor. Perhaps I should say we had water gushing into the attic. The back door was ripped out of the door jam for a while, and I didn't have to use a key. I'm probably lucky my computer didn't get stolen.

One of the roommates, a nice fellow, but kind of stupid, watched a friend's dog for a couple days. He is not a person I would trust with an animal, since he let the dog run thru the house, and let the dog pee anywhere it pleased. Of course, this is the same roommate that would steal my beer, mac 'n' cheese, and other food and beverage items...
-- I love the smell of fdisk in the morning...

Compulsive Cleaners (4.90 / 11) (#30)
by pandeviant on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 03:04:51 PM EST

In my local mental hospital there are several compulsive cleaners. These people were tidying and scrubbing their houses for every waking moment before their loved ones got them locked away. Surely and easier solution would be to befriend one of these unfortunates, and invite them around to your house on day release ? Perhaps the hospitals could rent them out to raise extra cash.

For me, sanity was not a factory fitted option.

ROFL (4.60 / 5) (#31)
by rusty on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 03:07:10 PM EST

That is the first comment I've ever seen that suggested "renting out" the mentally ill "for extra cash." Brilliant!

Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]
It used to happen. (4.00 / 2) (#35)
by gauntlet on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 05:32:59 PM EST

But not for cleaning. Most antique porn was made that way.

Into Canadian Politics?
[ Parent ]

How antique? (none / 0) (#38)
by M0dUluS on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 06:49:00 PM EST

Yurk. Pretty creepy.

"[...]no American spin is involved at all. Is that such a stretch?" -On Lawn
[ Parent ]
wow (none / 0) (#59)
by jcolter on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 02:16:12 PM EST

That is bizzare! Any written sources that you can provide would be interesting.

[ Parent ]
They say there's a fine line (4.50 / 4) (#47)
by crankie on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 06:01:20 AM EST

Between genius and madness. I know a guy who took physics in college. His lecturer was apparently a brilliant physicist. He was let out of the asylum twice a week for an hour just to lecture.

"The great thing about hardcore socialists is the silence they emit once they start earning a decent wage." - tombuck
[ Parent ]
60 Second MP3 rants. (4.00 / 2) (#32)
by dram on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 04:15:01 PM EST

I have made a few rants for my website and I did them in MP3. One is about my roommate and how she leaves the kitchen. I also have one about AT&T and Pacbell. Those are the only three I have so far but go and take a listen.

**Please click on the 'Rant' link at the bottom, I use frames so I can't link directly to it**


Links (none / 0) (#52)
by codemonkey_uk on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 09:16:42 AM EST

Yes you can.

(Not that I'd recomend following that link)
"The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way." - Bertrand Russell
[ Parent ]

Well sure... (none / 0) (#60)
by dram on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 02:55:57 PM EST

I COULD but then you don't see my high quality design and you can't follow any of the other links to look around at other parts of my site. But you knew what I meant.


[ Parent ]
Frames and Design (none / 0) (#67)
by Nater on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 06:13:44 PM EST

There are some who believe that high quality design and HTML frames are mutually exclusive concepts. The W3C has deprecated them, in fact, in favor of CSS layout.

i heard someone suggest that we should help the US, just like they helped us in WWII. By waiting three years, then going over there, flashing our money around, shagging all the women and acting like we owned the place. --Seen in #tron

[ Parent ]
Fruit flies... (4.00 / 2) (#39)
by janra on Thu Nov 01, 2001 at 09:08:52 PM EST

Last year I was living in an 'international student house' maintained by the company I was working for as an intern. It was a fairly nice 5-bedroom house, 2 kitchens, 2 bathrooms.

About halfway through my stint there, these two guys moved in for one month. Shortly afterwards, I started to notice that the kitchen stank, and there was a small cloud of fruit flies over the garbage can. Shortly after that, I had to wave away the fruit flies to walk through the kitchen, and the one guy on the top floor with me hung some fly paper in his room and mentioned that there was a bit of a fruit fly problem.

At the end of his month there, he moved out and cleaned up. Two days later I think I could only find 3 fruit flies.

I got a glance in his room once or twice while he was there: I don't know how many dozen empty, open, unrinsed beer bottles; dirty plates with mostly-eaten dinners and breakfasts from several days before, stuff all over the floor, and the fly paper he 'had to' put up.

I then promptly apologised to my boyfriend and told him I'd never call him a slob again.

Discuss the art and craft of writing
That's the problem with world domination... Nobody is willing to wait for it anymore, work slowly towards it, drink more and enjoy the ride more.
You think that's trash? (4.55 / 9) (#42)
by scruffyMark on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 02:44:06 AM EST

Looking at those pictures of trash reminded me of a job I had a couple of years ago. I worked a few times for some contractors who did yard cleanups and such for the fire marshall - mostly it was heaps of wood and such from abandoned renovation projects, stuff that would be a fire hazard.

The last job I did for this company was an amazing one. These people weren't just messy, they compulsively collected trash, it seemed. The evening before I was to head down there, I went by the place, and through the back alley - you couldn't see the house from the alley, the mound of trash was so high.

The next day, to get in we had to break the window because the trash was piled too high to get the door open. There was trash piled to the ceiling at the middle, and the level subsided to about 4 feet around the edges of the house. I found out later, from the TV news I think, that the owners had been living in their car for years.

After we spent most of the morning cleaning the yard - it filled a 15 foot dumpster two or three times, IIRC - we started on the house. The fire department sent some oxygen tanks down, and we taped our coveralls at wrists and ankles to seal ourselves up as much as possible. All the respect in the world to firefighters who can carry a person down a ladder with those tanks on their backs! They're heavy and really restricting.

We shovelled trash out the windows into the scoop of a bulldozer. As we worked our way into the centre, the going got harder. A water pipe had burst in the kitchen at some point, so around the centre of the house, the trash was just a sodden mass, no real loose pieces.

That job had some spooky bits - the calendar on the bedroom wall showed when the last time was people had been able to sleep in there. The bathroom was nearly free of junk. I had to wonder if the owners had crawled over the mess between the back door to the bathroom till the end - it would have been a tight squeeze.

The worst by far was the cats. They had about 6 or 8 cats in there, really skinny sickly things. You'd see one, try to get it, and it would run away into the trash - probably terrified of us in our giant oxygen tanks. I must have seen one one-eyed kitten about six times before I managed to get it. I called the SPCA later, most of them had to be killed (can't recall if it was all or not).

Quite familiar (3.00 / 1) (#43)
by andrewhy on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 03:01:44 AM EST

Up until August, I lived in a house for a year with a roomate(s) who never cleaned anything. The primary offender, Ryan, was a cooking enthusiast and food service worker who never considered applying the cleaning skills he learned at work to our kitchen.

It got so bad that one of our other roomates bought a large tub just to put Ryan's dishes in. When that roomie moved out and took the tub with him, I filled a 30 gallon trash can with the same dishes.

Ryan also had a tendency to drink a whole bottle of cheap vodka and pass out on the chair. The carpet around the chair was stained with ashes from fallen ashtrays, and a layer of food stains, trash and cigarrete butts were always present on the coffee table.

I won't even get into the condition of the downstairs bathroom, or the 19 yr. old roomie whose buddies littered the house and front yard with beer bottles and weed remnants

If "Noise" means uncomfortable sound, then pop music is noise to me -- Masami Akita, aka "Merzbow"

I lived in one of the most grotty houses ever .... (5.00 / 2) (#51)
by craigtubby on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 07:36:47 AM EST

But recently moved out (Didn't get a deposit back either, surprise surprise)

Anyway, I got well annoyed with all the plates and stuff so I threw them out and bought paper plates and platic cups+ knives + forks.

And you know what? They still ended up festering in the sink.

How musch easier did my house mates want it? We should have got a cleaner.

try to make ends meet, you're a slave to money, then you die.

* Webpage *

I have done that two (3.00 / 1) (#69)
by jcolter on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 10:14:42 PM EST

In my first apartment when I was eighteen. I bought all Styrofoam cups, plates, tinsels, etc. It was the kind of place you would only live in if it was your first apartment.

I would have but plastic pots and pans if they made them.

[ Parent ]
I lived in one of the most grotty houses ever .... (none / 0) (#79)
by James Burton on Sun Nov 11, 2001 at 08:24:15 PM EST

Know what you mean. I used to live with this tosser who used to moan about the mess but wouldn't lift a finger to keep it clean. Some people are so childish.

[ Parent ]
My roomate can clean the kitchen... but... (4.83 / 6) (#57)
by d0rkchic on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 12:30:02 PM EST

My roomate is fairly decent at cleaning the kitchen. She doesn't care if there are spills on the countertop/range, but she will put her dishes in the dishwasher.


She's got this nasty little penchant for flooding the apartment.

The first time she flooded the apartment was after she had finished taking a huge dump (I wasnt home, but this is what she told me). At the time we didn't own a plunger (after this incident, I went out and bought her one), so she decided to jiggle things in the toilet a bit and fix it herself. The toilet started to overflow all over the bathroom. She then went to turn the water off, but it was rusted in place and she couldn't budge the water knob. She and a friend bailed water into the bathtub for 45 minutes until the maintenance guy came to shut off the water and fix the toilet. A few things here: The toilet had a Blue 2000 flushes, so the ground in our apartment and anything else the water touched turned bright blue.

My room and closet are the closest things to the bathroom. All the clothes that I had just cleaned were in laundry baskets in my closet waiting to be put away were now wet and blue. I had borrowed a hard to find manga from the guy that I was currently interested in and had set it on the floor near to my bed after midnight reading. It was now soaked and blue.

It was gross and stinky and wet for 2 weeks. My roomate thought it was hilarious. I was thankful that we had a ground floor apartment.

The second time she flooded the apartment was when she went to thaw some meat in the kitchen sink. She put the meat under a stream of warm water and left to go chat with her online friends. However, she covered the drain with the package of meat. I came home and heard a cascade coming from the kitchen. By the time I had arrived, the whole kitchen had about 6 inches of water in it and that extended into the living room and dining room.

I started bailing water into the sink and eventually stopped to pull her away from chat long enough to help clean up the flood.

However, this doesn't even match up to the time when the home network (which I am responsible for maintaining) went down while I was sleeping. My roomate, who hadn't taken her paxil in a few weeks and was addicted to internet chat, barged into my room turning on the lights and screaming and yelling at the top of her lungs for me to get out of bed and fix the network. After about a half an hour, I got sick of her banter, I went to push her out of my room which she took as an invitation to beat me up. Then she called the cops on me because I touched her first. The police came and saw the bruises, bite marks, and scratches on me and thought it was absurd that such a thing would happen over the internet.

I later found out that I couldn't break the lease and move out and I still live with her. I only have five more months of it though, wish me luck.

Despite the floods, the fighting, her black and gold furniture that she finds attractive, her annoying banter, the rugrats window clings she likes to put up for the holidays, her chainsmoking, etc... I've learned a lot from this experience.

The moral of this story is: LIVE ALONE!

Do you chat to your mother with those fingers?

No one who has ever had roommates... (4.33 / 3) (#58)
by reeses on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 01:07:22 PM EST

needs The Tragedy of the Commons explained to him.

did you understand? (5.00 / 3) (#64)
by John Thompson on Fri Nov 02, 2001 at 04:48:08 PM EST

dopefishdave wrote:

> This is the funniest and most biting rant I've
> ever read, and the fact that its directed at me,
> well, thats just the icing on the cake. I feel
> truly honoured to have inspired such vitriol.

But you *DID* clean the kitchen, I hope?

Seriously, your flatmate sounds decidedly p.o.'ed and does not appear to have intended his rant to be taken as entertainment. Unless you're planning on moving out in the very near future, I'd say you have some work to do...

The funny thing is... (none / 0) (#76)
by dopefishdave on Mon Nov 05, 2001 at 06:27:19 AM EST

I discovered this rant the weekend after I'd spent a mere 5 hours cleaning the damned kitchen. While he pissed around trying to make more mess for me to clean.

And lets not even start with my girlfriend's opinion on the state of the house. She's convinced the house would never get cleaned if she didn't come down at weekends (which blatantly isn't true). The irony of reading that after a long conversation with her about how ranting-housemate never cleans is well... you couldn't make this shit up.

We think we understand music until we try to compose it and what comes out of the piano scares the cat.
-- Robert McKee
[ Parent ]

Just So You Won't Be Surprised... (3.00 / 2) (#70)
by ewhac on Sat Nov 03, 2001 at 06:15:08 AM EST

I hate to throw cold water on the festivities, but you should expect to receive a snotty little nastygram from the lawyers of HungryMinds, the publishers of the "for Dummies" series of books. They seem to think they have a trademark on anything matching the pattern .*[Ff]or\w[Dd]ummies. The fact that you used actual book cover art on the Web page (which is also trademarked) just gives them more ammunition.

The letter you receive will likely refer to the profanity on the site, and claim that the resulting confusion among Web surfers who are dumber than a bag of hammers will harm HungryMinds' reputation.

I think it's hilarious but, sadly, that won't matter to these nimrods. If they're feeling especially nice, they'll just send you the nastygram, and expect you to comply. Otherwise, you may find your ISP has shut off your account without warning.

Sorry to be a wet blanket, but I'd hate to see you blind-sided by this.

Editor, A1-AAA AmeriCaptions. Priest, Internet Oracle.

Muwahahahaha (none / 0) (#75)
by dopefishdave on Mon Nov 05, 2001 at 06:23:18 AM EST

Cheers for the tip. Hadn't actually thought of that. Yeah, shoulda done. Hehehehe I'll let my housemate know, tho. He'll love that. I'm sure he'd love to get a cist and decease...

We think we understand music until we try to compose it and what comes out of the piano scares the cat.
-- Robert McKee
[ Parent ]

Neat freaks are evil (4.33 / 3) (#72)
by Tatarigami on Sat Nov 03, 2001 at 08:52:34 PM EST

My neat-freak ex-flatmate was the flatmate from hell.

Good: vaccuuming three times a week.
Bad: at 1 AM.

Good: washing the dishes every day.
Bad: before taking them to work and leaving them there.

Good: picking up flatmates' stuff in public areas.
Bad: putting it down in your own desk drawers.

Good: emptying old food out of the refridgerator.
Bad: an hour after your flatmates buy it and put it in there.

Good: disposing of your flatmates' empty bottles.
Bad: being the one who emptied them.

I accept that cleanliness is next to godliness, but the question that immediately leaps to mind is 'which god?' One that encourages peace and benevolence or one that demands human sacrifice?

I am the roommate from hell (none / 0) (#73)
by KnightStalker on Sat Nov 03, 2001 at 10:31:20 PM EST

My proudest moment? When a friend moved in temporarily (which turned into 18 months) and within a week had a staph infection. Don't mess with my microbes... :-)

Excellent book like this... (none / 0) (#74)
by 0x00 on Sun Nov 04, 2001 at 08:22:37 PM EST

John Birmingham - He Died with a felafel in his hand

From the back cover:

John Birmingham has lived with eighty-nine people and kept notes on all of them. This is their story.

"A rat died in the living room at King Street and we didn't know. There was at least six inches of compaced rubbish between our feet and the floor. Old Ratty must have crawled in there and died of pleasure. A visitor uncovered him while groping about for a beer."

I really enjoyed reading this book, a lot of housemate horror stories in it.



Dirty Clown.

grim flatmates from hell (none / 0) (#77)
by megp on Mon Nov 05, 2001 at 12:59:13 PM EST

Something of a tangent, but I once had a flatmate who peed in a glass because she couldn't be bothered to leave her chair while watching tv.... I wrote about it here

Cleaning the kitchen... for Dummies | 79 comments (78 topical, 1 editorial, 0 hidden)
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