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[P]
Fun Food!

By Anonymous Commando in MLP
Mon Mar 26, 2001 at 10:59:25 PM EST
Tags: Humour (all tags)
Humour

Feeling hungry? Now you can enjoy all the great taste of macaroni and cheese (or, as we Canucks call it, KD), in a convenient push-up package. Or perhaps you've got a hankerin' for a hamburger, but have a fear of circles? Try a BurgerPipe on for size. But for old-fashioned cooking, you still can't beat a good barbecue. Careful, it's hot!


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Poll
I love the smell of...
o napalm in the morning 49%
o push-up macaroni 3%
o cheeseburger sausage 3%
o Kraft Dinner, eh? 12%
o my overclocked CPU 13%
o Inoshiro 17%

Votes: 132
Results | Other Polls

Related Links
o KD
o push-up package
o BurgerPipe
o good barbecue
o Also by Anonymous Commando


Display: Sort:
Fun Food! | 29 comments (19 topical, 10 editorial, 1 hidden)
Kraft Dinner, eh? (none / 0) (#2)
by regeya on Thu Mar 22, 2001 at 03:19:25 PM EST

Maybe we could have some Molson's too, eh?

(Sorry, the Illinoisan couldn't resist. It's a joke, people. :-)

[ yokelpunk | kuro5hin diary ]

Or a LaBatt's (nt) (none / 0) (#9)
by greyrat on Thu Mar 22, 2001 at 04:37:05 PM EST


~ ~ ~
Did I actually read the article? No. No I didn't.
"Watch out for me nobbystyles, Gromit!"

[ Parent ]
Eh? (none / 0) (#12)
by DoomHaven on Thu Mar 22, 2001 at 05:39:46 PM EST

You live in Illinois *and* you like Molson? Boy, I thought I was the only one...

My bleeding edge comes from cutting myself on Occam's Razor.
[ Parent ]
Wow. (4.00 / 2) (#4)
by Captain_Tenille on Thu Mar 22, 2001 at 03:36:56 PM EST

BBQ non withstanding, those are some of the stupidest ideas for food I have ever heard. Do they actually pay people to come up with this stuff?
----
/* You are not expected to understand this. */

Man Vs. Nature: The Road to Victory!

Actually, they do... (none / 0) (#29)
by cr0sh on Tue Mar 27, 2001 at 01:37:16 PM EST

I believe it is termed "food engineering" or "food science", or somesuch. People are payed to design convienience and fast foods, as well as snacks. I remember watching a show on PBS a long time ago talking about it, discussing how they made this one type of "snack" (it was a tubular shaped corn thing with cheese and/or other stuff in the middle, each piece cut on a bias), as well as how and why they designed Pringles the way they did, along with talk about frozen pizza and other things.

Personally, I love crap food - nothing like a 99 cent Jeno's Pizza, or a Hormel frozen hamburger and microwaved french fries. I would probably try the BurgerPipe once, and pushup mac & cheese too (though I would think the tube would be too damn hot to hold and push up).

[ Parent ]

Sweet Holy Mother of Meat! (3.00 / 3) (#7)
by Seumas on Thu Mar 22, 2001 at 04:19:15 PM EST

That BurgerPipe could literally change my life. I'm not being a smart-ass here, I love burgers, but have often wished "gee, if only this were in the shape of a hot dog!". YUM!
--
I just read K5 for the articles.
Layin' burger cable... (5.00 / 1) (#20)
by Ludwig on Fri Mar 23, 2001 at 07:32:51 AM EST

Now what's the first thing that comes to mind when you visualize a hot-dog shaped tube of hamburger?

Might make for some good pranks, though.

[ Parent ]

Burgerpipe... (none / 0) (#28)
by cr0sh on Tue Mar 27, 2001 at 01:31:07 PM EST

You know, those things look real similar to a Bratwurst - with the exception that they are supposed to be all-beef, and not have pork in them (but can't you get all beef bratwursts?).

Anyhow, I love a bratwurst much better than a hotdog - boil in some beer, then throw 'em on the grill - mmmmm...

[ Parent ]

re: the submission (of course) (4.00 / 1) (#8)
by cbatt on Thu Mar 22, 2001 at 04:19:36 PM EST

Burger pipe is pretty silly, if you ask me. It doesn't make any sense at all, except from a pure novelty standpoint. Crash and burn stupidity.

On the other hand, the food tubes don't seem like that bad an idea. Though I can't see how they're going to be a one handed operation because I can't think of a way to cleanly push-up on the stick while maintaining continous gnoshing without using the second hand to hold the tube.

Only thing I don't like about these convenience foods is that they seem to inch us ever closer to the soylent green scenario. They represent the continous speed up of the already breakneck pace of "life" by eliminating the "unimportant" facets such as enjoyment gained from consuming a decent meal.

But a napalm BBQ would be neat ;-)

-----------
Before you can understand recursion
you must understand recursion.

I can! (4.00 / 2) (#13)
by enani on Thu Mar 22, 2001 at 05:44:27 PM EST

It is very simple to think of! You only have to hold the tube in your hand! And then push the stick fo the tube down against a hard surface! Like my brother's head!
--=* Moshi-moshi! *=--
[ Parent ]
Forget napalm (none / 0) (#10)
by alprazolam on Thu Mar 22, 2001 at 04:58:42 PM EST

Fuel air explosive baby. Instant vaporization.

+ 1 (3.50 / 2) (#11)
by tiamat on Thu Mar 22, 2001 at 05:10:13 PM EST

+1 Because have a sick feeling these will become popular. We might as well be able to say "we were there when North America took (another) turn for the worse"


Apocalypse Cow (4.00 / 14) (#14)
by Global-Lightning on Thu Mar 22, 2001 at 05:55:25 PM EST

<intro scene, aerial view of the English countryside. Cue background music, "The End" by the Doors>

GROUND CONTROL TO ALPHA CHARLIE TANGO, OVER

<change scene: cockpit of heavy assault helicopter. Background sound of beating helicopter blades>
Alpha Charlie Tango here, ready

ALPHA CHARLIE TANGO, CHANGE HEADING TO 1-4-NINER, PROCEED 75 KLICKS, COPY

Alpha Charlie Tango, changing heading to 1-4-niner, proceding 75 klicks, acknowledged.

GROUND CONTROL OUT

--------

Ground Control, Alpha Charlie Tango approaching destination, awaiting further orders

ALPHA CHARLIE TANGO, PREPARE TO GO HOT, TARGET IS A HERD OF APPROXIMATELY 100 HEAD OF CATTLE, ACKNOWLEDGE

(silence)

ALPHA CHARLIE TANGO, ARE YOU THERE?

Visual to target confirmed

GO HOT, DROP NAPALM PAYLOAD ON HERD, ACKNOWLEDGE

(silence)

ALPHA CHARLIE TANGO?

Sir, I ... I can't. They're just cows! They look so, so... innocent

ALPHA CHARLIE TANGO, YOU HAVE YOUR ORDERS!

No, I won't do it! There are cows and calves down there! They look so peaceful, what did they ever do to us?

(shuffling noise over the radio) ALPHA CHARLIE TANGO, THIS IS COLONEL KILGORE! YOU DROP THOSE G*DD*MNED BOMBS SON! DON'T YOU KNOW WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A WAR? IT'S US VERSUS THEM! DO YOU KNOW WHAT TAINTED HAMBURGER MEAT WILL DO TO YOU? THOSE COWS WOULDN'T THINK TWICE ABOUT KILLING YOUR SORRY ASS WITH THEIR CONTAMINATED CARCASSES!

But sir, Its so... wrong

DON'T GIVE ME THAT BULLSH*T! YOU CAN'T AVOID CIVILIAN CASUALTIES! NOW IF YOU DON'T DROP YOUR BOMBS, I'M GONNA SEND YOUR LIFELESS BODY TO YOUR MOMMA AFTER I RIP YOUR F*CKING HEAD OFF! YOU GOT THAT?!

...

This is Alpha Charlie Tango, proceeding as order

<scene: Assault helicopter begins straffing run on oblivious herd below. Drops two full racks of napalm bombs on cattle. Suddenly explosions and fire everywhere. Cows knocked over and in flames, thrashing on the ground. Cut to running calf covered in burning napalm, look of anguish on its face. Pull back to aerial view, burning cattle everywhere, scene of hopeless immolation and destruction>

Ground Control, this is Alpha Charlie Tango. Mission accomplished.

COL KILGORE HERE. SON, I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT. COME ON HOME.

I get to come home but those poor creatures won't. This is too much. I'm sorry sir, I have no choice but to join them. Tell my wife I'm sorry...

<scene: Helicopter goes into steep dive, crashes in the middle of the burning herd. Cut to distant scene of fiery explosion on the horizon>

<scene: Control tower - Col Kilgore,radio in hand, hunched behind air traffic controller>

Damn it, that's the third one this month...




Smells like victory. (none / 0) (#18)
by wiredog on Thu Mar 22, 2001 at 09:15:01 PM EST

But what about the cute, furry, little lambs?

The idea of a global village is wrong, it's more like a gazillion pub bars.
Phage
[ Parent ]

Speaking of Apocalypse Now (none / 0) (#22)
by wiredog on Fri Mar 23, 2001 at 10:55:27 AM EST

There is going to be a directors cut this summer.

The idea of a global village is wrong, it's more like a gazillion pub bars.
Phage
[ Parent ]

I was hoping (none / 0) (#15)
by weirdling on Thu Mar 22, 2001 at 06:03:41 PM EST

I wanted a packet of mac and cheese that I didn't have to cook. It'd be so nice to just reach into a box, get a packet, and eat it while coding, without having to bother with a microwave...

I'm not doing this again; last time no one believed it.
BBQ tip: Use lox. Also, a napalm disposal fix? (5.00 / 1) (#17)
by kmself on Thu Mar 22, 2001 at 08:34:47 PM EST

That's the Liquid Oxygen BBQ Grill method. Might help out the EU's foot'n'mouth carcass disposal problem as well.

Note also that California has a sizable napalm cache, left over from the Vietnam War. Maybe bring it over to the Brits?

--
Karsten M. Self
SCO -- backgrounder on Caldera/SCO vs IBM
Support the EFF!!
There is no K5 cabal.

Maybe bring it over to the Brits? (none / 0) (#26)
by pallex on Mon Mar 26, 2001 at 06:08:09 AM EST

No need, it`ll be coming soon to a meat based product near you real soon, trust me! (export controls, what export controls) Wheres Oprah when you need her?

[ Parent ]
Inching closer.... (none / 0) (#27)
by CrazyJub on Tue Mar 27, 2001 at 10:40:23 AM EST

to the day when you will be able to buy food in I.V. form. No time to eat? No problem, use our drive by service and we'll fire darts loaded with wholesome goodness right into your neck!

I mean, how much in a hurry can you be to justify this purchase? Am I really so busy that I can't sit down for a few minutes?

Besides, I eat enough pre-packaged, proccessed, treated, mass produced food already.



Fun Food! | 29 comments (19 topical, 10 editorial, 1 hidden)
Display: Sort:

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