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Nomination for the most bamboozled tech hack

By imperium in MLP
Sun Mar 11, 2001 at 10:43:59 AM EST
Tags: Internet (all tags)

The normally reputable BBC has printed an article about the dangers of Cyberwoozles. And it's not April 1st. Apparently

Cybercriminals have found a new tool - the cyberwoozle, a dangerous hacking animal which lurks in websites.

I read the article, trying to work out what they're actually referring to. Suggestions please...


Voxel dot net
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o VoxCAST Content Delivery
o Raw Infrastructure


Cyberwoozles are...
o cookies 16%
o 0x0 gifs 16%
o .vbs scripts 10%
o a Captain Crunch practical joke 26%
o nothing at all 29%

Votes: 65
Results | Other Polls

Related Links
o Cyberwoozl es
o Also by imperium

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Nomination for the most bamboozled tech hack | 29 comments (26 topical, 3 editorial, 0 hidden)
Hah! (4.00 / 4) (#1)
by Seumas on Thu Mar 08, 2001 at 07:18:59 PM EST

Okay. I have no clue what the fuck they're talking about, but that must be some URL for it to "see inside my computer" and "read my files" and "disable my files" (I'm not quite sure how you disable a file, but if they say so).

This makes me question whether the BBC issues it's reporters laptops or Royal Crown mechanicals in the large self-extruding black cases?
I just read K5 for the articles.

actually (3.33 / 3) (#8)
by spacejack on Thu Mar 08, 2001 at 08:24:14 PM EST

it sounds pretty similar to the description for most of the 500-odd holes MS has been patched since I started using "Windows Update". And about as vague as the MS descriptions too.

[ Parent ]
Will cybernoodles be next? (3.75 / 4) (#2)
by versus on Thu Mar 08, 2001 at 07:21:02 PM EST

:) Times are a' changing. :) BBC has some sense of humor.

This comment contains a cyberwoozle and you've just been infected.

Le Chef

If you rate it 3 or less, please comment why.
irony (4.60 / 5) (#3)
by Seumas on Thu Mar 08, 2001 at 07:23:09 PM EST

Hm. Within the same page as the article is a link to a discussion about the "rise of Microsoft". I'm not sure if this is irony or coincidence.

This article is the most vague, alarmist, uninformative piece of crap I've read in a long time. What's next, the BBC is going to report about "giant hoogabalooga's that come out of the sky and eat children"?
I just read K5 for the articles.

"Rise of Microsoft" (none / 0) (#15)
by KnightStalker on Fri Mar 09, 2001 at 11:42:53 AM EST

Yeah, I read that, and I suppose it's more or less accurate, except the copy only covers events up to 1978 and the accompanying chart extends to 1999. Apparently something called "floats" happened to them in 1987. Dunno if that's a product, or they became profitable, or if the company really had to pee, or what.

And the grammar in this and the cyberwoozles article makes me wonder. This is the final sentence:

"In 1978 Microsoft launched its third language product, Cobol 80, started selling in Japan, while also up-roots and moves to Seattle, Gates and Allen's home city."

[ Parent ]
pfft (none / 0) (#28)
by Remmis on Sun Mar 11, 2001 at 04:02:45 AM EST

Dont scoff hoogabalooga's, they eat adults too

[ Parent ]
run away! (4.57 / 7) (#4)
by rebelcool on Thu Mar 08, 2001 at 07:31:47 PM EST

"Cyberwoozles have actually been used for some time by companies trying to find out more about the people logging into their websites."

This would called a cookie by everybody else in the world. Oh yes, cookies bring viruses and death upon your computer. Plus, it'll kill you and mutate your children.

COG. Build your own community. Free, easy, powerful. Demo site

British humour strikes again. (3.50 / 2) (#5)
by plastik55 on Thu Mar 08, 2001 at 07:38:08 PM EST

Heh. I gotta get me one of those.

For the humor-impaired, I thing the point is making is that any number of things make as much sense as "cyberwoozle" in that context:

  • Javascript
  • Cookie
  • ActiveX
  • etc...

On the other hand, the BBC might have been schnookered into believing it... unlikely though.

It's very British of them, to publish that with a straight face amidst other, real news.

did a google search (4.33 / 6) (#6)
by rebelcool on Thu Mar 08, 2001 at 07:42:28 PM EST

cyberwoozle actually comes up quite often. It seems to be a synonym for a trojan. heh, is this what they call trojans in the UK?

For some reason i just think of a fuzzy toy.

COG. Build your own community. Free, easy, powerful. Demo site

A Trojan... (5.00 / 2) (#19)
by SIGFPE on Fri Mar 09, 2001 at 12:51:31 PM EST

No. A Trojan is called a Durex in the UK :-)
[ Parent ]
trojans and cookies and web bugs, oh my! (none / 0) (#25)
by sparkles on Fri Mar 09, 2001 at 04:13:23 PM EST

I checked Google, too, and came away with pretty much the same impression.

It appears to be a cutesy new name for a whole bunch of different things we already know about. Not so much a new thing, but a new way of categorizing old things. Woo.

Interestingly, most of the hits on Google seemed to be from security companies.

[ Parent ]

Hehe... (4.37 / 8) (#7)
by slick willie on Thu Mar 08, 2001 at 08:23:03 PM EST

Wonder what they did with the cyber-hefelumps.

"...there is no limit to what a man can do or where he can go if he doesn't mind who gets the credit."
--Ronald Reagan, First Inaugural Address

Cyberwoozles (4.66 / 9) (#9)
by cbatt on Thu Mar 08, 2001 at 08:29:36 PM EST

are the stupid people that open up every attachment that they're sent via email. No virus scan. No common sense to not touch naked_wife.exe from Sexygrrrl6574564@hotmail.com.

We know them a lusers.

Before you can understand recursion
you must understand recursion.

Don't Look Up! (4.40 / 10) (#10)
by the Epopt on Thu Mar 08, 2001 at 08:51:54 PM EST

The really dangerous ones are the cyberjagulars, which lurk in binary trees until their victims press the HELP button.
Most people who need to be shot need to be shot soon and a lot.
Very few people need to be shot later or just a little.

Isn't it funny how a bear likes honey? (4.40 / 5) (#11)
by tetrad on Thu Mar 08, 2001 at 10:09:44 PM EST

As others have already alluded to, the term has its origins in a certain childrens' book.

According to this article (dated Dec 1, 1999), here's where the term comes from: "Named after the beasts in Winnie the Pooh who nibble the fur of unsuspecting teddies while they sleep, cyberwoozles are parasite programs which infiltrate a computer from the Internet, read the user's e-mails, steal his passwords, and even use his PC's microphone to eavesdrop on conversations."

Of course, Winnie the Pooh is better known in the network security industry for his extensive research into honeypots.

BTW, the author, the BBC's Max Foster, isn't a tech hack, but rather a bamboozled financial hack. He must have been under some kind of deadline. Not even one attributed source.


Ahem... (none / 0) (#12)
by slimy_snake on Fri Mar 09, 2001 at 12:30:08 AM EST

Methinks the section this posting was made under the wrong one - bilmey it should have been humour. Guess your fatal error was thinking of the Beeb as a reliable source. For all you know i might already be infected..... dies....
I'm so tired, of playing
Playing with this bow and arrow - Portishead

Alright, (4.80 / 5) (#13)
by sugarman on Fri Mar 09, 2001 at 08:40:30 AM EST

who the hell gave Paul McCartney the authority to start naming new tech terms?

Wait a sec, my blinky-winky is blarging on the deskamalumpf. Looks like I'm gonna have to yarf to the jinglywoo.


My very bestest guess (none / 0) (#16)
by weirdling on Fri Mar 09, 2001 at 11:54:39 AM EST

I think this thing is simply one of the old active-x holes still unpatched in Windows. That this can be done is suddenly newsworthy, despite the fact that it has been possible for a very long time on any machine with IE and Office installed. </rant>. Anyway, I saw a news report about how 'all' home computers were 'extremely' vulnerable, looked over at my Mac, which isn't susceptible to any of these attacks, then at my Debian firewall/router, and a big smile was on my face as I changed the channel.

I'm not doing this again; last time no one believed it.
OH MY! (none / 0) (#17)
by Rasvar on Fri Mar 09, 2001 at 12:29:26 PM EST

I am ROFLMAO! This looks like an article written by a non-tech manager for a non-tech manager based on information given him by a drunken tech who wants to mess with his boss! I needed this on a Friday. This one is too funny not to post.

Beware the Cyberwoozles! They will infiltrate your shorts!

thanks! (none / 0) (#21)
by imperium on Fri Mar 09, 2001 at 01:35:43 PM EST

I'm very glad to have brightened up your Friday..

[ Parent ]

News? (none / 0) (#18)
by DoorFrame on Fri Mar 09, 2001 at 12:50:20 PM EST

That was quite possibly the single most confusing and least coherent news story I've ever seen posting on a real news site. It rambled quickly about several different security holes including Active X, Outlook, and known NT vulnerabilities (at least that's what I recall took out the world economic forum network) and then sort of linked them all together under the word "CyberWoozle."

But it never clarified what a cyberwoozle was, what it did, or how it worked. If this was intended to scare someone, you'd have to be pretty darned scared already for it to be able to affect you. Anybody with any knowledge whatsoever is going to read tht for what it is, a horrible mistake.

Be careful, though, those cyberwoozles are a tricky lot... they won't go away until you shut off your computer.

Should I laugh or not??? (none / 0) (#22)
by hardburn on Fri Mar 09, 2001 at 01:39:42 PM EST

It's really hard to tell if a Brit is joking or not. I don't want to laugh and then find out later they were being serious, but then again, I don't want to stand there with a straight face to later find out that it was supposed to be funny. Is this why the American Colonies rebelled?

King George: And then I'm going to raise the Tea Tax.
Ben Franklin: Toss it all in the harbor!
King George: No wait, I was joking!!!
Ben Franklin: Oh. Too late now, we've already got a reveloution on our hands.

while($story = K5::Story->new()) { $story->vote(-1) if($story->section() == $POLITICS); }

I`m afraid you`ll have to work it out for yourself (none / 0) (#29)
by pallex on Mon Mar 12, 2001 at 12:15:32 PM EST

If YOU think its funny, laugh, otherwise dont!

"You`re all individuals"

[ Parent ]
I get it now!!! (none / 0) (#23)
by hardburn on Fri Mar 09, 2001 at 02:29:30 PM EST

A cyberwoozle is a clueless tech writer. Definatly the most dangerous thing on the Internet :)

When does this go into the Jargon file?

while($story = K5::Story->new()) { $story->vote(-1) if($story->section() == $POLITICS); }

Laughed my ass off. Thanks. (none / 0) (#24)
by misterluke on Fri Mar 09, 2001 at 03:54:46 PM EST

As mentioned before, it's Friday. Thanks.

Incidentally, yesterday I got forwarded this link, which is actually a pretty decent mainstream media ( The Globe and Mail, a Canada-wide newspaper ) story on web privacy.

Still funny as hell (none / 0) (#27)
by BiOFH on Sat Mar 10, 2001 at 03:59:02 AM EST

Cyberwoozles are real (Oh, bother!). But, that doens't change the fact that the article was funny as hell (and... of course... pretty alarmist and inaccurate).

Nomination for the most bamboozled tech hack | 29 comments (26 topical, 3 editorial, 0 hidden)
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