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Here Be Dragons! (Well, strange things, anyway)

By jd in MLP
Thu May 03, 2001 at 07:25:51 AM EST
Tags: Science (all tags)

Not sure what topic this could belong to. Oh well! Once upon a time, far far away (and also nearby, for that matter), strange and bizarre genetic experiments took place, all without a Government liscence, too!

In Anguila, there lived a rodent. He was a happy little rodent. Well, hapy, anyway. Amberrhyzer is estimated to have been slightly larger than a grizzly bear. A dormouse he was not!

And in the water, the merry fishes jumped and leaped, trying desperately to get away from Megalodon, the 50' shark with a 7-foot jaw who was chasing after them.

In the deeps, large, squiddy-things brought chaos and madness, though madness soon got signed up by another label.

Down in the depths of Australia, triffids lurked. After posting once, on a Wyndham board, they got spammed and left, leaving the most ancient species of tree, the Wollemi Pine, which has no living relatives, and dates back almost 90 million years. Whether it owes any back-taxes is unclear. How it survived is equally unclear. Nothing remotely like it was alive even 2 million years ago.

Nearby, in fair New Zealand, birds had this great idea. Why fly over trees, at enormous effort, when you can LOOK over them, instead? And thus, the only bird built by committee, the Moa was born! Using its amazing superpowers to battle the forces of gravity, it survived in total defiance to all laws of nature. Up until some Maoris decided to make Moa-burgers, and wiped them all out, in a very short time.


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What I'd like to see is...
o A complete fossil of Amberrhyzer 4%
o Sod the fossil, I want a live one for my hamster cage! 38%
o Rhyzer, shmizer. Give me a Megalodon for my fish tank! 14%
o Bet your Megalodon can't beat my Giant Squid from Amazon! 16%
o Pah! I'm off to genetically re-create the Moa. 4%
o Loser! I'm already cloning the pygmy Mammoth! 6%
o I'm a Scotsman, and I'll stick with cloning sheep! 16%

Votes: 49
Results | Other Polls

Related Links
o Amberrhyze r
o Megalodon
o large, squiddy-things
o Wollemi Pine
o the Moa
o Also by jd

Display: Sort:
Here Be Dragons! (Well, strange things, anyway) | 18 comments (11 topical, 7 editorial, 0 hidden)
Fate of the moa (4.00 / 2) (#7)
by Tatarigami on Mon Apr 30, 2001 at 06:08:59 PM EST

Actually, there are still moa-sightings being reported every now and then. It's the antipodean version of sasquatch.

Sadly, all attempts by serious naturalists to find the elusive beastie have proven in vain, so I'm afraid the only place you're likely to see a bird that tall in this century is on Sesame Street re-runs. If anyone does use the miracle of genetic science to bring back this brobdingnagian bird, it would probably be KFC. My god! Those drumsticks!

Amberrhyzer? (none / 0) (#8)
by delmoi on Mon Apr 30, 2001 at 07:20:21 PM EST

Uh..... I didn't see anything about "Amberrhyzer" on the page linked... and google didn't turn anything else up, either.
"'argumentation' is not a word, idiot." -- thelizman
It's not easy to find... (none / 0) (#12)
by jd on Tue May 01, 2001 at 08:52:59 AM EST

It's about 1/3 down the page, but it's mis-spelled as "ambylrizer". There have never been a lot of good pages on this particular creature. Those that -were- up seem to have vanished, and this is the only reference I've been able to find.

If =anyone= can find/post a better link, please PLEASE do so! When web references are as extinct as the creature itself, it's time to be concerned.

[ Parent ]

Endangered Again! (5.00 / 1) (#14)
by SEWilco on Tue May 01, 2001 at 12:52:03 PM EST

So you're saying that not only is this creature extinct in real life, now on the Web it is an endangered species?

[ Parent ]
Yep! (none / 0) (#15)
by jd on Tue May 01, 2001 at 01:24:26 PM EST

Unfortunately, the various endangered species acts don't cover the Internet. :(

[ Parent ]
revive Australian megafauna! (4.00 / 2) (#9)
by danny on Mon Apr 30, 2001 at 09:31:22 PM EST

This reminds me of one of the items on my "mad ideas" page...
Megafauna Restoration

Australia has lost all its megafauna. We no longer have marsupial lions, four metre high flightless birds with half metre long beaks, or any of the other wonderful animals that used to roam. This has left us with a serious shortage of large predators capable of controlling kangaroo and sheep numbers, leading to catastrophic over-grazing and related problems.

It is possible that remanant DNA could be used to recreate some indigenous megafauna, but this is a long shot. So in the short term I propose that we introduce large mammalian predators to fix the problem. In New South Wales, we could simply release the contents of Western Plains Dubbo Zoo and find out by experiment which animals are equipped to survive in the Australian environment.

(Western Plains Zoo has a large assortment of big African mammals...)

My other mad ideas include continuous "timezones", a brick microscope, and a suggestion for returning the Olympics to its oriignal innocence...

[900 book reviews and other stuff]

Olympics (4.00 / 1) (#10)
by Tatarigami on Mon Apr 30, 2001 at 10:02:24 PM EST

I support your idea for the Olympics. Especially if it involves replacing the mat for the women's wrestling event with a shallow tank full of mud. I've never followed sports with any enthusiasm, but Anna Kournikova's triumphant return for the tennis event could change my mind about that.


But seriously now: stripping the atheletes would just reveal those ugly trackmarks in their elbows to the world. Are we ready to see that?

[ Parent ]
Continuous timezones (none / 0) (#16)
by Luke Francl on Tue May 01, 2001 at 06:43:16 PM EST

My other mad ideas include continuous "timezones"

I checked out your page, and according to what I've read, that the way "timezones" used to be. Every town would set their clock to the local noon (using the sun). So, it'd be a few minutes later in Boston than Philadelphia (which is to the west). Back before people had accurate watches and traveled a lot, this didn't cause any problems.

Also on the subject of timezones, I read in National Geographic that China only has one timezone, on Bejing time, even though the country is huge and would otherwise need five!

[ Parent ]

Chinese time (none / 0) (#17)
by danny on Thu May 03, 2001 at 08:46:16 AM EST

China does indeed have one timezone. When I visited western China (Sinkiang) things were complicated because everyone used two kinds of times - Beijing time, for official business and timetables and suchlike, and Sinkiang time for everything else...

[900 book reviews and other stuff]
[ Parent ]

Squid rings (none / 0) (#13)
by meadows_p on Tue May 01, 2001 at 10:32:07 AM EST

Mmmmm, giant squid rings.

Dragons, eh? (none / 0) (#18)
by infinitesin on Thu May 03, 2001 at 12:44:17 PM EST

Now all we need is Marlon Wayans and we can make a cheesy ass movie about it!

"Just wait until tomorrow..I guess that's what they all say..just before they fall apart.."

Here Be Dragons! (Well, strange things, anyway) | 18 comments (11 topical, 7 editorial, 0 hidden)
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