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Assisted Computing Facilities

By kwsNI in MLP
Thu May 03, 2001 at 11:31:23 PM EST
Tags: Humour (all tags)

What do you do when a family member can't keep up with the pace of technology? When they start to become a danger to themselves and every electronic device they touch? If it's time to put that family member in a Assisted Computing Facility, SatireWire has the information that you need.

This had to be the funniest thing I've read in ages. From the intro to the article:

For family members, it is often the most difficult and painful decision they will face: to accept that a loved one -- a parent, a spouse, perhaps a sibling -- is technologically impaired and should no longer be allowed to live independently, or come near a computer or electronic device without direct supervision. The time has come to place that loved one into the care of an Assisted Computing Facility. But you have questions. So many questions. We at Silicon Pines want to help.


Voxel dot net
o Managed Hosting
o VoxCAST Content Delivery
o Raw Infrastructure


How many family members will you be placing in an ACF within the next 5 years?
o 1 11%
o 2 15%
o 3 6%
o 4 0%
o The whole family. 28%
o I will be placing myself in an ACF. 12%
o I don't have a family. 6%
o Rusty! 19%

Votes: 63
Results | Other Polls

Related Links
o informatio n
o Also by kwsNI

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Assisted Computing Facilities | 9 comments (5 topical, 4 editorial, 0 hidden)
*sob* (5.00 / 3) (#3)
by regeya on Thu May 03, 2001 at 08:38:39 AM EST

I'm gonna miss my wife when she gets sent to the home...but maybe then she'll remember which button on the titlebar closes a window, and know that the windowlist I keep open in Window Maker (the one labeled "Windows") doesn't mean I'm running Windows. Well, here's an old, small, crappy screenshot to show you what I mean. And further, I don't use gmc anymore, so the desktop icons can't confuse her either. And before you get righteously indignant, yes, I've tried--on several occasions--to patiently explain to her how to use my setup, which has changed little in two years. She still doesn't get it. I used to not even log out--I mean, hey, I have nothing to hide--but after she got confused several times by the layout seen above, I log out when I'm going to be gone and she's going to be home. Sometimes, I even reboot and boot Win98 without asking if she wants to use the 'puter. (Must be love.)

[ yokelpunk | kuro5hin diary ]

Funniest part is... (4.33 / 3) (#6)
by Elendale on Thu May 03, 2001 at 01:29:46 PM EST

My family won't let me near anything electronic that doesn't belong to me because "i might break it". To elaborate, i built my latest computer and installed slackware on it; my mom has trouble installing the MacOS. Ahh, irony :)

-Elendale (of course, i have to fix everything- just can't play with it)

When free speech is outlawed, only criminals will complain.

finally (none / 0) (#7)
by mami on Fri May 04, 2001 at 12:20:40 AM EST

I know what to do to give the pennyless open source coders of the world a paid job - I check myself in and hire you to teach me the lessons - ah, wait, that actually would break you and not the computer, better you don't teach and I break the computer, so that you get a salary and I something worthwhile to do.

Cool (nt) (5.00 / 1) (#8)
by theantix on Tue Apr 02, 2002 at 01:20:28 AM EST

You sir, are worse than Hitler!
I put a comment in here (5.00 / 1) (#9)
by MisterQueue on Tue Apr 09, 2002 at 11:27:31 PM EST

just to see how long it would take for you to notice. I am a scamp.

"That's fucking great! I want a baby jesus buttplug!" -mrgoat

Assisted Computing Facilities | 9 comments (5 topical, 4 editorial, 0 hidden)
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