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[P]
Steve Ballmer dances around stage making monkey noises

By Arcsim in MLP
Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 08:12:09 PM EST
Tags: Humour (all tags)
Humour

Someone showed me this video today. I suppose that it's from an internal microsoft "pep rally". Honestly, I would never expect Steve Ballmer to shout "GIVE IT UP FOR ME" and jump around a stage making monkey-like noises. The video is located here and is 3MB or so.


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Steve Ballmer dances around stage making monkey noises | 105 comments (102 topical, 3 editorial, 0 hidden)
Appropriate. (4.06 / 15) (#2)
by codepoet on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 03:08:11 PM EST

This, of course, is why Apple called it's OS foundations Darwin. Evolution of the sanest and all that.

Know drunk you are when Yoda you sound like, hmm?
Damn! (2.77 / 18) (#3)
by Eight Star on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 03:11:11 PM EST

He's a really good CEO

loony... (3.33 / 12) (#4)
by Unidentified Former User #n on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 03:22:09 PM EST

Wow. That guy has lost it.

He looks like some deranged psychopath as he bounces across the stage. Freakin' scary.

Another thing, the clip ends with him saying "I love this company". Well, no shit; if I was the CEO for the biggest software company in the world and made as much as he did, I'd love that company too.

One word: (3.18 / 11) (#5)
by spacejack on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 03:38:49 PM EST

Heartattackmaaan!!

No drug screening at Microsoft? (3.30 / 13) (#6)
by thenick on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 04:14:27 PM EST

I guess they don't randomly screen for drugs because Balmer would test positive for crack. I thought the best part was when he was pointing into the crowd. He's not a rock star, he makes bad software for Christ's sake.
"Doing stuff is overrated. Like Hitler, he did a lot, but don't we all wish he would have stayed home and gotten stoned?" -Dex
Hmmm.... (4.15 / 19) (#7)
by Signal 11 on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 05:14:25 PM EST

This video has revealed a variety of insight into the workings of Microsoft:
  • It's true MS execs don't know how to dance.
  • ...Even worse, his poor imitation of the funky chicken dance leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth.
  • Ballmer doesn't excercise much.
  • He obviously doesn't spend much time giving public speeches - his voice was hoarse from yelling improperly.
  • In frame 394 of the video, you can clearly see the bulge in his left pocket, indicative of a crack pipe.
  • They had no idea someone was recording this.
  • Whenever they claim that the linux penguin is a 'bad mascot', from now on, we have this to rebuke that.



--
Society needs therapy. It's having
trouble accepting itself.
OK, you're being funny, but (3.83 / 6) (#12)
by ZanThrax on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 06:08:54 PM EST

I gotta say that they had to know someone was recording this. Several someones, based on the cuts. Now, the question is, was it supposed to be allowed to roam free on the 'net, or was it intended as some sort of corporate "yay us" video for internal use only? Assuming the later, I wonder if Balmer is actively hunting for the people who released this. (I can think of two reasons he wouldn't be - either he's got enough self-confidence to not care that he looks like an incredibly uncoordinated git, or, he's worried that he'll look like an incredibly uncoordinated git that can't laugh at himself. Personally, I figure someone's sending out resumes by now.)


If there's nothing you'd die for, then what do you have to live for?


[ Parent ]
Sircam? (nt) (2.12 / 8) (#29)
by spacejack on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 12:50:31 AM EST



[ Parent ]
assumptions (none / 0) (#81)
by alprazolam on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 03:43:04 PM EST

sure "they" might have known it was being taped, but I don't think ballmer did. he has a crazed look in his eyes the whole time and obviously no sane person would act like that if they knew anybody else could see. we should have him tested, if he's rabid we'll have to put him down.

[ Parent ]
I'm scarred for life... (3.80 / 10) (#9)
by SvnLyrBrto on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 05:45:54 PM EST

1)
I will no longer ever be able to listen to Miami Sound Machine, or Gloria Estefan in general, without getting horrific flashbacks to this video. Thanks a lot, steve.

2)
*THIS* guy shares the same first name with Jobs and The Woz?!?!?!?

3)
Am I alone at all in that I kept expecting The Rock, or Hollywood Hogan, or Ric Flair, or Stone Cold Steve Austin, or Goldberg to come out and try to kick his ass?


cya,
john

Imagine all the people...

It doesn't just stop there... (4.28 / 7) (#38)
by DrWiggy on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 12:06:15 PM EST

*THIS* guy shares the same first name with Jobs and The Woz?!?!?!?

Not only does he share the same first name as Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak, but check this out:

- Steve Jobs and Steve Ballmer have BOTH been CEOs of major IT companies that started out long before the dot.com boom/bust!

- It is rumoured that all three of them are from the same country - America - coincidence?

- All three share more than 90% of the same DNA codes!

- They all attended college (although Ballmer was the only one who graduated)

- Steve Wozniak and Steve Jobs apparently were both working at Apple AT THE SAME TIME!!!

- Steve Ballmer is considered as CEO of Microsoft, by many, to be Satan himself!

- The first Apple I was marketed at a price of $666 - need I say more?

It's all quite clear. These three are part of the same crowd. They're probably all part of the Bilderberg group, and they're trying to destroy us all! We must destroy them first! Or something.

*sigh*

[ Parent ]
I'm not sure that I'd call those screeches (3.33 / 6) (#11)
by ZanThrax on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 06:03:16 PM EST

monkey noises; they seemed more like standard issue shrieking-as-cheering. (Hey, its better than wooting)
Am I the only one who thinks he needs to loosen up a bit? He's running and jumping around on stage, and he looks like every muscles in his back are permanently clenched.
And he really shouldn't screech like that, it makes him sound like he's drunk with his "I love this company" (sounded like he's ready to blubber)


If there's nothing you'd die for, then what do you have to live for?


clenching (3.25 / 4) (#15)
by yaksox on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 09:05:13 PM EST

I have to agree. There's one fella in real need of some primal scream style therapy.
zom·bie n. 3. One who looks or behaves like an automaton.
[ Parent ]
It definitely looked forced (2.50 / 2) (#68)
by hollowearth on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 07:30:37 AM EST

It looked like really hard work to me, I was wondering how long he could keep it up without something bursting.

[ Parent ]
Microsoft (3.72 / 11) (#13)
by caine on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 07:22:06 PM EST

And people wonder how Microsoft became so big? Look at them. Listen to them. Listen to Ballmers attitude. It reeks of "Us against Them" and with the firm belief that Us are the best. They know they're fighting a battle, and every ounce of their will is pressured into thinking "Win! Win! Win!"

Dance like a butterfly, sting like a bee.

--

fitting (2.83 / 6) (#21)
by tequila tux on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 10:41:06 PM EST

this really seems fitting since their entire attitude seems to come to us (microsoft) vs. them (the consumer).

[ Parent ]
smart (none / 0) (#79)
by emmons on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 01:04:38 PM EST

The reason they use the "Us vs. Them" idea is because, besides religion, pseudo-nationalism like this is the strongest motivator you can use. It's a force, and like any other it can be used for good (creating quality products) or evil (killing off competitors just so you can say you've won).

Up to about a year ago, Microsoft used its energy to kill off competitors, but now that it doesn't have any, it seems to be focusing on creating quality products. And it's about time.

---
In the beginning the universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
-Douglas Adams

[ Parent ]
[/.]This does not bode well for MS.[//.] (3.53 / 13) (#14)
by swr on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 07:24:58 PM EST

The music in the background is Gloria Estephan's "Get On Your Feet". This is a song from the late 1980s.

Playing 80s music (that's one decade before the previous decade!) doesn't seem like the actions of a forward-looking company. Clearly they are looking to the past trying to relive their glory days. You should sell your stock in MS now and buy up stock in mail-order companies that distribute those 80s music compilation CDs [*]. MS's decline could drag out for quite a while, so they're going to need a lot of 80s CDs.

Oh yeah, and Steve Ballmer was pretty whacked too.



[*] This should not be construded as investment advice.



One question (3.00 / 9) (#16)
by slaytanic killer on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 09:31:35 PM EST

Interesting thing that comes to mind. If your work does not make you feel like doing this, at least relative to your good taste, then why are you spending your time there?

Good taste is the issue (3.75 / 4) (#37)
by stevens on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 10:22:18 AM EST

If your work does not make you feel like doing this, at least relative to your good taste, then why are you spending your time there?

I think good taste is the issue. Most geeks love (most/all/part of) their jobs. But the monkey dance was odd when Richard Hatch did it, and it's odd when Ballmer does it.



[ Parent ]
My work allows me to keep my dignity. (3.00 / 5) (#51)
by hotcurry on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 08:11:50 PM EST

Is there a problem with that?

[ Parent ]
You care about dignity? (2.80 / 5) (#54)
by slaytanic killer on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 09:08:19 PM EST

Even when it is enforced? I don't think you'd be able to do what Ballmer did even if you wished. Dignity only counts when you have a choice. Otherwise there is no difference between doing that and being a trained monkey.

Just wondering.

[ Parent ]
Trained monkey? (none / 0) (#101)
by marlowe on Wed Aug 08, 2001 at 09:53:17 PM EST

By an odd coincidence, that's what people call MCSE's behind their backs. Sometimes even to their faces.


-- The Americans are the Jews of the 21st century. Only we won't go as quietly to the gas chambers. --
[ Parent ]
So what've you got against dignity, anyway? (none / 0) (#102)
by marlowe on Wed Aug 08, 2001 at 09:54:27 PM EST

Just wondering.

-- The Americans are the Jews of the 21st century. Only we won't go as quietly to the gas chambers. --
[ Parent ]
Young Frankenstein (4.14 / 7) (#17)
by SPrintF on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 09:41:55 PM EST

Am I the only one who sees Steve Ballmer like this and thinks of Peter Boyle in YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN?

Charisma (2.75 / 4) (#20)
by marimba on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 10:40:14 PM EST

That's what Boyle had and Balmer lacks.

[ Parent ]
I wonder if they had punch and pie there? (3.18 / 11) (#18)
by Perianwyr on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 10:03:24 PM EST

I bet they did.

What would you rather have? This, or Microsoft execs somberly walking into meetings wearing a big black SS uniform to the sound of Wagner? Banners proclaiming "Eine Welt, Ein Web, Ein Programm"?

Or maybe some skinheads with gas masks on looking at a giant TV screen?

Are those the only options? (2.50 / 4) (#44)
by Rainy on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 03:02:16 PM EST

..
--
Rainy "Collect all zero" Day
[ Parent ]
what's wrong with Wagner? (2.50 / 4) (#48)
by gibichung on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 07:00:07 PM EST

Really, do I go around bashing the music you listen to just because people like you like it?

-----
"No man is above the law and no man is below it; nor do we ask any man's permission when we require him to obey it." -- Theodore Roosevelt
[ Parent ]
nothing wrong with Wagner (4.00 / 3) (#49)
by mac on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 07:27:29 PM EST

I seriously doubt the poster was bashing Wagner. It is more likely they were employing artistic license to embelish the portrayed scene. I suspect the piece the original poster had in mind for the SS gestapo march was something like the Ride of the Valkyries... now THERE's something I wouldn't mind seeing in the next leaked video from a M$ pep rally!

[ Parent ]
sorry... (3.50 / 2) (#66)
by gibichung on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 06:44:32 AM EST

To Perianwyr (the original poster): Sorry, I guess I've built up a bit of a Wagner persecution-complex. Too many people today (wrongly) hold Wagner responsible for Hitler and believe that his music is only suitable for Nazis. I'm so used to fighting that viewpoint that I'm starting to see it where it probably isn't.

I seriously doubt the poster was bashing Wagner. It is more likely they were employing artistic license to embelish the portrayed scene.

I suppose you're right here, but I'd have been more comfortable with his embellishment if his portrayal had involved more than that single detail.

-----
"No man is above the law and no man is below it; nor do we ask any man's permission when we require him to obey it." -- Theodore Roosevelt
[ Parent ]

Really? (4.00 / 2) (#71)
by CaptainZornchugger on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 11:40:47 AM EST

Too many people today (wrongly) hold Wagner responsible for Hitler and believe that his music is only suitable for Nazis.

Considering they've played Wagner at every single wedding I've ever been to (at the moment when the bride walks down the aisle), I find that hard to believe.

I sometimes hear the musical purists, who believe all music has gone straight downhill since Bach, decry Wagner, but those people typically believe that if a piece doesn't sound like a technical exercise, it's not worth listening to. The modern classicists all seem to consider Wagner a genius and hold him partially responsible for the growth of many important musical movements (minimalism, for instance, was heavily influenced by Wagner)

I think you've been reading the wrong music critics. An awful lot of people associate Nietzsche with Nazis, and although that seems unfair to me, it makes a certain amount of sense, since so many of Nietzsche's ideas were used by Hitler to justify his actions. But associating Wagner with Nazis is like associating Black Sabbath with teenage suicide -- it's just a pointless search for someone besides ourselves to blame. I haven't seen anyone with respectable musical opinions do it.


Look at that chord structure. There's sadness in that chord structure.
[ Parent ]
For what it's worth... (4.00 / 1) (#73)
by fluffy grue on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 12:15:37 PM EST

To this very day, playing Wagner in Israel is strictly verboten (pardon the expression).
--
"Is not a quine" is not a quine.
I have a master's degree in science!

[ Hug Your Trikuare ]
[ Parent ]

I was not aware of that. (none / 0) (#74)
by CaptainZornchugger on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 12:32:44 PM EST

That's really quite sad. Yet another reason why I won't be making Aliyah anytime soon.


Look at that chord structure. There's sadness in that chord structure.
[ Parent ]
That is because it's not true (none / 0) (#93)
by eWulf on Tue Aug 07, 2001 at 09:11:03 AM EST

Wagner is allowed in Israel. It is quite widely played. It was even played at the Israel festival by the Berlin Philharmonic this year (although there was some brouhaha as the conducter - Barenboim was asked not to play it by the festival's organisers (which might be what the fluffy grue was referring to).

[ Parent ]
Must have been (none / 0) (#96)
by fluffy grue on Tue Aug 07, 2001 at 12:46:15 PM EST

I had heard something on NPR's "Performance Today" about how it's a Bad Idea to play Wagner in Israel because of the Nazi connotations, and that it was specifically disallowed at many concerts...
--
"Is not a quine" is not a quine.
I have a master's degree in science!

[ Hug Your Trikuare ]
[ Parent ]

True that some Israelis are sensitive to it (none / 0) (#99)
by eWulf on Wed Aug 08, 2001 at 03:54:41 AM EST

I had heard something on NPR's "Performance Today" about how it's a Bad Idea to play Wagner in Israel because of the Nazi connotations, and that it was specifically disallowed at many concerts...

It is true that it is disallowed at many concerts. There are certainly Israelis, especially of the older generation, who are sensitive to it. However, it is played on the radio and at concerts in Israel.

[ Parent ]
heh... (4.00 / 1) (#77)
by gibichung on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 12:52:44 PM EST

Considering they've played Wagner at every single wedding I've ever been to (at the moment when the bride walks down the aisle), I find that hard to believe.

And how many people even know that Wagner wrote that music? How many of them have actually heard all of Lohengrin??

I think you've been reading the wrong music critics.

Take a look at the staging of Wagner's operas today and ask yourself: "Is there a right kind?" (pleasant exceptions including the MET and Seattle, I guess)

But associating Wagner with Nazis is like associating Black Sabbath with teenage suicide -- it's just a pointless search for someone besides ourselves to blame.

Tell that to the people of Israel, who have held an unofficial (yet quite strictly enforced) ban on public performances of Wagner since the mid-1930s. (note that this is before the Holocaust) Recently Daniel Barenboim snuck in a performance of the overture to Tristan und Isolde. For presenting the passionate introduction to a classic love story, Barenboim has been accused of "childishness" and "cultural rape" by his countrymen (despite the applause he got for it at the time).

Some Quotes: (from editorials appearing in the Jerusalem Post)

By any standards, it was spiritual, cultural, and psychological rape. --Uri Dan

I wonder how those who stayed and "applauded enthusiastically" felt the morning after. --Adina Steele

Which isn't to say that all Jewish people blame Wagner for the Holocaust (Solti, Klemperer, Levine, Barenboim -- Jewish Wagner Conductors)

I haven't seen anyone with respectable musical opinions do it.

Heh, neither have I. Too bad we're in the minority as to what constitutes "respectable musical opinions."

-----
"No man is above the law and no man is below it; nor do we ask any man's permission when we require him to obey it." -- Theodore Roosevelt
[ Parent ]

Wagnet was an anti-semite (4.00 / 1) (#83)
by DaBunny on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 06:13:07 PM EST

Wagner is not quite as disassociated from Hitler and the Nazis as Black Sabbath from teen suicide. Wagner was rabidly anti-semitic, and would likely have approved of and supported the Final Solution.

Distaste for a person's views may not be a sufficient reason to ban the art he created. But the argument for doing so isn't the brainless, "Nazi's liked Wagner -> Wagner is bad."

[ Parent ]
Non sequiturs (none / 0) (#84)
by mac on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 07:33:49 PM EST

The things you say don't follow.

Distaste for a person's views may not be a sufficient reason to ban the art he created. But the argument for doing so isn't the brainless, "Nazi's liked Wagner -> Wagner is bad."

By your rationale "Hitler had a moustache -> moustaches are evil". I think the hair-advantaged readers might take issue with that. :) I wouldn't call this a "brainless" argument, but definitely foolish.

Also, if you want to make a strong argument, it really does you no good to use your own speculation as proof: ... and would likely have approved of and supported the Final Solution.

[ Parent ]

Oops... (none / 0) (#85)
by mac on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 07:38:02 PM EST

Let me retract the "non sequitur" comment. I misparsed your comment something like 5 times; only upon reading the submitted comment (must be a Murphy's Law for it) did I notice my error. I kept parsing "isn't the brainless," as "isn't that brainless." Apologies.

[ Parent ]
Hitler (3.40 / 5) (#52)
by Godwin Man on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 08:12:14 PM EST

was a big fan of Wagner and typically had his music playing at SS rallies. I suspect the poster was referring to that.

Of course it follows that anyone who listens to Wagner is a nazi.

Nazi.

This conversation is over

[ Parent ]
I saw it (4.14 / 14) (#19)
by sakusha on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 10:08:10 PM EST

Compare this to another CEO who is well known for his astounding performances on stage. Ballmer comes out and has to act like a total ass to get the crowd going. But all Jobs has to do is quietly walk on stage and he gets a standing ovation.

No crap. (none / 0) (#98)
by raven13 on Tue Aug 07, 2001 at 07:28:28 PM EST

Who is more fear-invoking, Jobs or Ballmer? I know what the answer is for anyone who's seen Pirates of Silicon Valley. ;-)


"...the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys."
[ Parent ]
He can't count either. (3.30 / 10) (#22)
by Photar on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 10:42:13 PM EST

He says he has four words for you, "I love this company, yeah!" Thats 5 words.

5th word (3.33 / 6) (#31)
by mrwalrus on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 01:37:11 AM EST

he retains ownership of the 5th word and re-use is subject to the shrink
wrap licence tied too tightly around his neck.

[ Parent ]
If you're being pedantic... (3.60 / 5) (#36)
by xiox on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 09:26:32 AM EST

If you're being pedantic, I think you should know "thats" should be written "that's". I won't bother correcting anything else.

[ Parent ]
Not true (4.00 / 7) (#43)
by Rainy on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 03:01:36 PM EST

He says, I have 4 words for you: I love this company. The "yes" that follows is merely a confirmation of those words. Hey, there were a lot of things wrong with that clip, why pick on something that was perfectly fine :P.
--
Rainy "Collect all zero" Day
[ Parent ]
WinXP mascot (3.91 / 12) (#23)
by marimba on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 10:45:39 PM EST

They've found a replacement for Microsoft Bob!

Good one (none / 0) (#94)
by Hefty on Tue Aug 07, 2001 at 11:10:20 AM EST

okay that is the funniest comment I've read so far

[ Parent ]
2 questions: (3.80 / 10) (#24)
by plone on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 11:04:29 PM EST

1. Should CEOs actually behave like that?
2. Is Steve Balmer mad?
Calm down steve, you may give yourself a BSOD.

Why the hell not!! (none / 0) (#92)
by eWulf on Tue Aug 07, 2001 at 08:56:03 AM EST

1. Should CEOs actually behave like that?

I don't see why not. If your company is your tribe, I'd rather belong to the tribe with a leader who has the decency to get excited about the results of all my hard work. If he is that passionate about the company then this undoubtedly talented man will ensure my job security. I am a natural enthusiast. I love my work and I want my boss to love his too.

I would rather have Steve Balmer as my Boss than some boring sod who goes on about the last Quarters results in a monotonous voice.

Bollocks to it, why should a man not be enthusiastic about what he does.

2. Is Steve Balmer mad?

He reminded me more of Mel Gibson in Braveheart than of a madman.

[ Parent ]
This is your CEO on Drugs - get the picture? (3.84 / 13) (#25)
by TechnoGrl on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 11:06:25 PM EST

I saw the video this morning on
www.theregister.co.uk

I've been a Windoze programmer for 10 years now and have been wondering lately if I shouldn't move on to Linux/Kylix.

Yeah....I think it's time.

--

In Your Cubicle Nobody Can Hear You Scream

And to know.. (3.60 / 10) (#26)
by 2 on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 11:24:47 PM EST

..that there have been people behind the scenes planning and writing all this makes me puke. Especially that, in combination with the crowd buying it oh so gently.

Oprah, eat your heart out.

ALL it would take... (2.38 / 18) (#27)
by jd on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 11:31:05 PM EST

...for Microsoft to be seriously harmed by this, is if some major news agency (CNN, the BBC, whoever) were to use a "selected extract" from the video, to portray the CEO as totally insane.

It could kill investor's confidence in Microsoft. And, as Microsoft is heavily dependent on its share value, that would seriously cripple Microsoft.

We are in the grips of a global recession. Forget the "official" US unemployment figures. If you lose 34,000 jobs from Lucent and hire 34,000 servers for McDonalds, employment remains the same, but you've still crippled the economy - not just of America but the globe in general.

(Yes, these things DO affect those on the "outside", believe it or not.)

Because of all this, investors are already shaky. Tech stocks are "Bad News", right now. ANY tech stocks.

If the press pushes the image that Microsoft's CEO is a crazed lunatic, you're going to see Microsoft being dropped like a hot potato. You'll also see a serious purging of the current managerial team. They're vulnerable to market forces, right now, and they've just given those forces a very powerful weapon.

wouldnt it just be better... (2.66 / 6) (#40)
by rebelcool on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 02:14:56 PM EST

if someone made a competitive product rather than stupid things like this?

COG. Build your own community. Free, easy, powerful. Demo site
[ Parent ]

Do explain that. (3.75 / 8) (#45)
by Rainy on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 03:06:30 PM EST

What do you mean by "cripple the economy"? When you cripple some dude, he can only walk slowly, and can't run or play sports - for life. If Lucent cut 34k jobs, that may very well be a healthy thing - no more networking equipment of the sort they do is needed now, so if they just sit there and keep making it, it's a waste. Now they're on the loose and can go do something useful instead, hm? It's certainly not "crippling"! Sheesh, you alarmist people... will you ever just relax and take it easy?
--
Rainy "Collect all zero" Day
[ Parent ]
Microsoft vs Ballmer (2.66 / 3) (#56)
by bugmaster on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 09:35:48 PM EST

Microsoft, by now, is a force of its own. Sure, it sucks to have a crazed ape for a CEO, but in the large scheme of things it won't matter that much.
>|<*:=
[ Parent ]
AH! My eyes are *burning* (3.27 / 11) (#28)
by johnson on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 12:03:26 AM EST

Man this guy seriously needs to be put to sleep.
Men with even the slightest illusion of power should not be allowed to act like this in public. Not at all. I fully support laws to suppress things like this and to prevent them from happening in the first place.
I'm scarred for life now. Thanks a lot :-)

splunge
Gone Bananas (2.88 / 9) (#30)
by Andante on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 01:11:26 AM EST

Well, I guess we now know the real story about how that planet ruled by apes all began. (Nevermind that whole plague "excuse") "Get your paws off me you dirty ape." "Damn them all to hell!" ;)

Planet of the Apes? (4.38 / 13) (#32)
by Vicegrip on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 01:38:20 AM EST

The Register must have meant: Darwin Award honourable mention... although after a fashion I suppose the two comparisons have something in common. Ugh, I expected him to keel over grabbing his chest and kept looking for medics in on the side. Where is the emergency sterilization team when you need it?.. man at the very least, somebody with tranquilizer darts.. I mean, did you see his eyes? Little beedy things looking all crazed over.. I was waiting to see foam coming from his mouth... he looked ready to rip the head off of any employees not cheering with this bare teeth. Hopefully it's not contagious of vampiric or anything. "I Love This Company"... of course you do, you own it-- it's made you richer than most countries in the world. If I was an MS employee, this kind of display would send me scurrying like a scared dog with a tail between my legs for the nearest door.

Wow !!! (3.22 / 9) (#33)
by Betcour on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 04:26:46 AM EST

Seing this CEO behave like this... gives all its meaning to the words "Alpha male".

I have 4 words for you.. (3.76 / 13) (#34)
by nowin on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 06:41:15 AM EST

Love that mind control!

I'd quit if my CEO ever started acting all "Amway" like that.

Dan

Precisely (3.00 / 6) (#42)
by Rainy on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 02:59:26 PM EST

I've read some stuff on amway a few years ago and this looked and sounded *exactly* like Amway rallies with "go diamond" and "we're all loving it here so much, we can't wait till you join us on this private golf party in the carribbean". On an unrelated note - a lot of you say that he's on crack and acting crazy. That's not the problem. People getting high and acting crazy is just fine - the *real* problem here is in what repulsive fashion he gets crazy. You can plainly see how he wants us to think that he is free and careless and un-self-conscious but instead you think "hey, now *HE* could use some reservation, of all people". IOW, there is a difference between "college kid on pot crazy" and "deranged killer with threatening look crazy". Note that from-under-forehead glance near the end. It ain't pretty, folks!
--
Rainy "Collect all zero" Day
[ Parent ]
Balmer (4.16 / 12) (#35)
by DeadBaby on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 07:52:12 AM EST

I've always liked Balmer for exactly this reason. If I had as much money as he does I would commonly scream at random people to praise me while jumping around like a member of The Who.
"Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity -- in all this vastness -- there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. It is up to us." - Carl Sagan
Wow (4.00 / 10) (#39)
by vadim on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 12:12:37 PM EST

Interesting video... I already thought that M$ management was nuts, but this is even more than I expected!

I think I'll take the "Wooohhh!" and replace the "microsoft sound" with it. It's much more adequate to have something made by the CEO sounding on startup, doesn't it?

On the other hand, it will remind me that Win98 is not much saner than Ballmer, so it will encourage me even more to boot Linux instead :-)
--
<@chani> I *cannot* remember names. but I did memorize 214 digits of pi once.
Why I do not work at Microsoft (3.40 / 10) (#41)
by snowlion on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 02:24:09 PM EST

The Master said, "Adhere to your beliefs and be devoted to learning. Secure to the death the good of the Tao. Enter not a state in danger. Live not in a state in disorder. When all under heave are with the Tao, be visible. When without the Tao, be secluded. When the state is with the Tao, to be poor and lowly is shameful. When the state is without the Tao, to have riches and position is shameful."
--
Map Your Thoughts
This clinches it (3.08 / 12) (#46)
by jackdoe on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 04:42:19 PM EST

Microsoft is a cleverly designed organization for the advancement of stupid people, perhaps a hair more legit than Amway and the Church of Scientology.

This means it is incumbent on the non-stupid people of the world to put them out of their misery. And ours.

He really meant to say... (3.57 / 7) (#47)
by CrapSync on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 06:14:06 PM EST

I LOVE THE MONEY What a lucky guy. Were it not for his surgical attachment to one of Gates' body parts (a poll to determine which part will [or at least should] follow) it would have been a different story for Steve.

He's on crack (3.77 / 9) (#50)
by CokeBear on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 07:48:40 PM EST

I often say of a person, "he's on crack", when they are behaving in an unusual or irrational manner. I don't think I ever actually meant it.

As I watched this video, the thought occured to me "he's on crack", but for the first time, I really thought that he had actually used crack cocaine before coming out on stage.

(I'm also a bit surprised that this hasn't appeared on The Smoking Gun yet)

Embrace and extend (3.66 / 9) (#53)
by fooljay on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 08:51:34 PM EST

Embrace and extend, baby... Embrace and extend...

What comes to mind... (3.81 / 11) (#55)
by finial on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 09:14:26 PM EST


+ Somebody got to his default.ida and has siezed control of his brain box.
+ The mother ship is approaching and it's time to accelerate the plan.
+ Students, notice the more generalized efficacy of Viagra when administered to a total dick.
+ Were the audience members wearing kilts? Did the have blue faces?
+ In all the corporate meetings that I sat in the audience listening to Dr. Wang, I never saw anything like this.
+ Who's kicking for the extra point?


He sings, he dances... and jumps out of cakes?! (4.40 / 10) (#57)
by Lionfire on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 11:48:32 PM EST

I sent this off to a friend of mine who happens to work at Microsoft (I tried to save him, but it was too late) and he replied with the following:

> That is not as funny as some of the other ones I have seen.
> At the last company meeting, he jumped out of a birthday cake!


I'm really worried about the kinds of drugs they must be using over there...

[ blog | cute ]
What happened? (1.55 / 9) (#58)
by NuPhreak on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 12:37:58 AM EST

Well i was going to think up some intelligent comment to say that was to portray balmer in a negative light, but then I actually watched the video. So instead of giving you the intelligent comment how about this? ROTFLMAO and your right he loves the money, fuck this love child of Thade and Bill gates send him back to Tim Burton's whore house where he belongs.

The meaning is lost on humans (3.63 / 11) (#59)
by the_other_one on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 01:40:15 AM EST

This video is a part of Microsoft's newest recruiting drive

Microsoft has finaly heard about what can be accomplished with an infinite number of monkeys.

If this recruiting drive is succesful then an infinite quantity of ximians will descend on Redmond expecting employment,room,board and Windows OS refunds. I recommend Investing in banana futures.



You're waaaay too late (3.50 / 2) (#69)
by RangerBob on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 09:13:31 AM EST

They've already recruited an infinite number of monkeys. Who do you think works in their QA/QC department? ;)

[ Parent ]
LOL, That looks like fun! (3.16 / 6) (#60)
by duxup on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 02:20:23 AM EST

It's too bad that some guy apparently having a good time is to some people an invite for cheap shots about the company he runs. I thought the video was hilarious, he seems like happy guy. I hope at my next meeting my CEO comes in and does that, that would be great!

God damn (2.16 / 18) (#61)
by wysoft on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 02:35:22 AM EST

Yes, Steve Mallmer is CEO of Microsoft. If he were some prominant Linux figure, I'm sure most of these comments would be along the lines of "I'm so glad that Linux folk really know how to get a crowd going!"

Hypocrites.

You dick (1.50 / 6) (#63)
by codemonkey_uk on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 04:30:15 AM EST

Common. Point to some links. Prove your point. Your empty assertions of rampant Linux advocacy are completely ungrounded. You dick.
---
Thad
"The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way." - Bertrand Russell
[ Parent ]
Common? (2.80 / 5) (#64)
by Inoshiro on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 04:46:44 AM EST

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.



--
[ イノシロ ]
[ Parent ]
Colloquialism mixed with bad spelling (2.00 / 3) (#67)
by codemonkey_uk on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 06:54:37 AM EST

"Common" lazzy ass for "Come on!", as in "You've got to be kidding."
---
Thad
"The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way." - Bertrand Russell
[ Parent ]
No. (none / 0) (#82)
by Inoshiro on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 05:45:45 PM EST

It's Just Wrong (^TM). Unless you pronounce common like "CUMon" it doesn't even sound similar. I know there are people who have a hard time with written forms of communication (especially homonyms), but you seem like someone who'd understand what you're talking about, and be articulate about how you're expressing it!



--
[ イノシロ ]
[ Parent ]
Ummm... (2.00 / 1) (#90)
by codemonkey_uk on Tue Aug 07, 2001 at 04:12:59 AM EST

Yesterday was a bad day. Lets move on now...
---
Thad
"The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way." - Bertrand Russell
[ Parent ]
Colloquialism mixed with bad spelling (5.00 / 1) (#86)
by alt on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 07:58:23 PM EST

"Common" lazzy ass for "Come on!", as in "You've got to be kidding."

So what you really meant to say was "c'mon"....

[ Parent ]
Wrong. (4.00 / 2) (#72)
by Vicegrip on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 11:53:17 AM EST

Displays of self-congratulatory, egomaniacle, drug-induced? raucous antics of this type would, I guarantee you, manage only to piss off their audience in the Linux community. If the President of Redhat acted like that, he'd not only be laughed/jeered off the stage, it would permanently damage Redhat's reputation with many, many people. There is a far cry between an honest 'woohoo' and acting like you're the living God of the world-- the later of which will probably just make people hate you.

[ Parent ]
The above is a troll (5.00 / 1) (#78)
by mac on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 12:53:51 PM EST

You must be trolling as I can't imagine anyone would actually believe what you say.

In all likelyhood the Linux crowd would find an equivalent display very distasteful. I mean, compare the current most liked figure in the Linux word, Linux Torvalds himself (or should that be Vorvalds? Morvalds?) with Mallmer(sic): he is easy-going, unassuming, modest, pensive, and his speeches are almost always peppered with self-deprecating humor. Could this be any more diametrically opposed to Ballmer's "give it up for me!" while prancing around the stage making monkey noises???

Look at other Linux figures which are not as modest. Eric Raymond, who has occasionally protrayed himself as an open-source prophet and the voice of the Linux community. He has taken a LOT of flak from the community for this.

In general, it is my impression the Linux community prefers modesty, and abhors flamboyancy and self-importance. This makes me doubt very much that what you say is true.

[ Parent ]

Mea culpa (none / 0) (#80)
by mac on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 01:53:55 PM EST

I just realized that after pointing out the typo in the parent comment regarding Ballmer, I made just as bad a mistake of my own (wrote Linux Torvalds instead of Linus Torvalds). Heh, murphy's law strikes again. Ok, I'll be good. :) I think my fingers are hardwired to press 'x' after "linu"...

[ Parent ]
I am your god (none / 0) (#95)
by sonovel on Tue Aug 07, 2001 at 11:48:40 AM EST

...

is pretty egotistical.


I wasn't there, so maybe it came across as more humorous, but it sounds pretty wacky on the face of it.




[ Parent ]
he was trying to be funny (none / 0) (#105)
by mac on Fri May 24, 2002 at 04:02:10 PM EST

He meant that as a joke, as he was, IIRC, in the middle of the Bible Belt; unfortunately the folks down there didn't find this humorous (I did) and this has since become a much discussed faux pas.

[ Parent ]
Sorry (none / 0) (#91)
by wysoft on Tue Aug 07, 2001 at 04:57:05 AM EST

No troll. I apologize for this statement. I know I kind of flew off the handle with that statement, and I don't even remember why I ended it with "Hypocrites." - I suppose I was angry at the time and didn't really notice it before I posted that thread.

[ Parent ]
Yikes... (3.50 / 4) (#62)
by bkirkby on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 04:26:17 AM EST

The video made me laugh. I don't have a problem with people (even CEO's) getting all excited and hoping around the stage. It makes for good entertainment and has been shown to be motivating to some.

What is probably most distressing to MS about this video (besides eveidence that Ballmer really needs some exercise), was Ballmer screaming "GIVE IT UP FOR ME". Just seemed too autocratically egomaniacal. Even Amway folks scream, hoot and holler about their "system" instead of personal accolades.

mix this with the Free Software Song (3.16 / 6) (#65)
by odaiwai on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 05:23:13 AM EST

Someone, please, please, please, mix this with the Free Software Song (Techno Remix).

dave
-- "They're chefs! Chefs with chainsaws!"
Not uncommon (3.00 / 6) (#70)
by Refrag on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 11:37:56 AM EST

In my brief stint at Microsoft we watched some of the propaganda videos and he always came off as a raving lunatic, running around screaming his head off like a drunken frat-boy. This was before he became the new puppet-head of Microsoft.

Refrag

Kuro5hin: ...and culture, from the trenches

Leaked agenda for next week's pep rally.... (3.00 / 3) (#75)
by idlemindui on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 12:42:12 PM EST

  1. Ballmer dances around on the stage shouting "All your base are belong to us!"
  2. That is all.


How did this make front page? (2.00 / 2) (#76)
by khallow on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 12:50:09 PM EST

All I can say is that this must have been more inspirational than it looked. Perhaps, we have a bunch of MS fanatics here. ;-) BTW, most people forget that one of MicroSoft's strengths is its ability to retain talent. I assume that the tribal, primal emotion manipulation thing helps.

more like "i love this cheesecake" (3.00 / 2) (#87)
by buxus on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 08:57:36 PM EST

somebody needs to tell that man that he looks like a prime candidate for cardiovascular problems.

the "ME" thing (2.00 / 2) (#88)
by ShrimpX on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 11:24:24 PM EST

When he said "give it up for me" he was referring to Windows ME, not himself. Get a clue.

it would be cooler in german. (3.00 / 2) (#89)
by oz81dog on Tue Aug 07, 2001 at 03:50:34 AM EST

Does anyone have time to translate this into german and send me some audio clips? i would really like to dub it in german.

scared (1.00 / 1) (#97)
by Abstraction on Tue Aug 07, 2001 at 02:51:40 PM EST

My god. I just watched that...I think I'm scared.

Kwyjibo (none / 0) (#100)
by fredwards on Wed Aug 08, 2001 at 04:04:28 PM EST

Kwyjibo... a big, dumb, balding North American ape with no chin. -Bart Simpson, why playing scrabble in the "Bart the Genius" episode of The Simpsons ...and a short temper -Marge Simpson, in the same episode Next, Steve Ballmer said, "I have a joke for you. What's black and white and red all over? That Linux penguin after it's been in a steel cage match with me!! WOOO-HOOOOO!!!"

[ Parent ]
Bonus Video (5.00 / 1) (#103)
by briggsb on Fri Aug 10, 2001 at 12:00:07 PM EST

I've created a little something from the Ballmer video...

Here

NYTimes talks about this (none / 0) (#104)
by gbvb on Mon Aug 13, 2001 at 07:58:39 AM EST

Check out This article in ny times. They are running a story about this video and one of the comments from K5. Woohoo!!

Steve Ballmer dances around stage making monkey noises | 105 comments (102 topical, 3 editorial, 0 hidden)
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