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They're Trying to Screw You

By rusty in News
Tue Jan 04, 2000 at 08:16:17 AM EST
Tags: You Know... (all tags)
You Know...

You know they're all trying to screw you, right? Or do you? For the cynicism-challenged among you, here is a handy guide you can use to determine when you are being, are about to be, or have just been completely and utterly screwed.

You know someone's trying to screw you if...

  • They're talking about cooperation, and they're not holding a puppet.
  • They can speak your language, but you can't speak theirs.
  • The words "Jesus" and "money" appear in the same sentence.
  • The phone call starts with the words "Thank you for calling Progressive..."
  • They're going to "work out the details later."
  • They tell you "the 0.4 tarball will be out any day now."
  • It's too good to be true.
  • It's good enough to be plausible.
  • It's not a total clusterfuck.


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They're Trying to Screw You | 3 comments (3 topical, editorial, 0 hidden)
I know... (3.00 / 2) (#6)
by Jemaleddin on Fri Jan 07, 2000 at 11:25:10 AM EST

They're trying to screw me when I pick up the
phone to hear:

Hi, can I speak to... Uh...
Je... Ummm... Mist.... Er, Uh... Someone named

Additionally, any time something isn't sold
in stores, there has to be a reason.


Oh, wait - DON'T spam me. Whoops!
Telemarketer avoidance straegy (4.00 / 3) (#30)
by rusty on Fri Jan 07, 2000 at 03:14:40 PM EST

You know how telemarketers now use computer auto-dialers, so there's always someone waiting on the phone for them? Well, if you pay attention, you'll notice that there's about 1/2 or 3/4 seconds of lag before a telemrketer answers your "hello?" Callers to my house now have about 1/4 of a second to respond before I hang up on them. I've found it cuts down on telemarketing calls greatly. Of course, this is when I answer the phone at all, which is rare.

Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]
eBay (none / 0) (#31)
by weirdling on Tue Jul 10, 2001 at 01:46:05 PM EST

Let's see, I just won the right to pay more than anybody else for something some guy doesn't want... - Userfriendly
I've gotten to the point that I only explore 'alternative shopping experiences' if I can't find it in a store because they're almost always more expensive and almost always have almost but not quite exactly what you don't want.

I'm not doing this again; last time no one believed it.
[ Parent ]
They're Trying to Screw You | 3 comments (3 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)
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