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Log: What Have I Done Since High School?

By rusty in News
Thu Jan 06, 2000 at 02:39:33 AM EST
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I went to a (very) small private school on Cape Cod for grades 7 through 12. This school publishes a newsletter called "The Gam." They claim a "Gam" is a meeting of whaling ships, with a supporting quote from Moby Dick, but that's a lot of baloney. What the hell do whaling ships have to do with my secondary education? Nothing, that's what.

But I'm on to them. I happen to know that a "gam" is a shapely female leg (possibly derived from the French "gamine"), because I've seen Humphrey Bogart movies. They're not fooling anyone, shee? Yeah.

Anyway, in every issue of the "Shapely Female Leg" are included alumni news blurbs. Who got married, who is studying abroad, who just wrapped their 1977 Pinto around a tree after a ripping eight day vodka bender, what have you. Despite graduating from there five and a half years ago, I haven't once actually bothered to send them anything about myself. I would dearly like to rectify that, but, unfortunately, they don't seem to have a website. I was going to email it, of course. If I'd wanted to spend postage, I'd have sent them something by now.

So below is my alumni news submission to the "Shapely Female Leg." If anyone reading this happens to go to the afore-not-named school (oh, you know what school it is. It's no use being coy), or knows their email address, do pass this along, would you?

Alumni News...

kuro5hin ('94) attended The College of William and Mary for three and a half years. He decided to become a programmer, and promptly dropped out of school, because he was afraid the other programmers would laugh at him and steal his lunch money if he hadn't. He lived briefly with his sister in Northern Virginia, where he enjoyed the magnificent splendor of her couch and the gracious postage-stamp balcony overlooking the scenic and historic "Chesterfield Parking Lot." He has later been known to toss witty barbs and bon mots comparing NoVa unfavorably, standard-of-living-wise, to such far-flung places as Charnobyl and the lower-rent bolgias of Hell.

He soon moved into the District of Columbia, where he now lives in a cozy and windproof sub-surface dwelling, with his lovely and talented girlfriend Christina and his cat, but not necessarily in that order. He is currently employed at a small company in Silver Spring, MD, where he writes web applications in perl and makes his coworkers nervous. His work has nothing whatsoever to do with the NSA, and he continues to cause nothing but problems for those with the unenviable task of telling him what to do.

When he is not working, he can often be found writing web applications in perl. He insists that the crucial, but subtle, difference is that he is not to be considered "working" when no one is actually paying him to do what he is doing. Many immediately protest that generally no one has any idea what he is doing, including and especially the people who are paying him, and so how could this be any kind of a valid criteria? To this he generally says something like "piffle."

He recently enjoyed writing about himself in the third person for his secondary school's newsletter "The Shapely Female Leg," and is under consideration for a Congressional Medal of Honor.


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