Charlie Brown: Attained stunning mediocrity as a mid-level manager for an insurance company. Never talked to the little red-headed girl. Married a slightly overweight brown-headed girl and had a small litter of underwhelming children. No one ever paid the slightest attention to him, and he never once in his entire life got to kick that damn football.
Lucy Brown: Moved to Northern Virginia. Fit right in with all the other bitchy self-centered people. Drove an SUV. Got divorced during menopause. Meddled in her children's marriages relentlessly until they were forced to put her in a home.
Linus: Became a professional wrestler. Go figure.
Patty and Marcie: Moved to Dupont Circle. Became active in the HRC. Became Vegans and wore only synthetic clothing. Marcie called Patty "sir" and Patty took to calling Marcie "my bitch."
Pigpen: Died of syphilis. Serves him right, that dirty little bastard.
Schroeder: Didn't get into Juilliard. Made a fortune writing advertising jingles. Was frequently heard muttering, "No place for a toy pianist. I'll show them the musical validity of a toy piano..." Died wealthy, bitter and alone. Left his entire fortune to the PlaySkool Corporation.
Snoopy: Eat, sleep, eat, sleep, stroke, sleep, broken hip, eat, sleep, sleep, glaucoma, eat, sleep, another stroke, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep...
Woodstock: '''``` `' ''` ```'' `'. ```'' `' `' ````'', ``', '''''! ''', '''`` ''` '''''` ```'.