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Twinkie Shortage Menaces US East Coast

By rusty in News
Wed Mar 22, 2000 at 04:53:01 PM EST
Tags: etc (all tags)
/etc

Dateline, Boston: The AP (via the Washington Post) reports that a Teamsters strike is causing a Twinkie shortage up and down the East Coast of the US, but particularly affecting the New England and New York areas. Affected by the strike will be the availability of all Hostess products, as well as Drake's cakes and JJ Nissen breads. Ring Dings, Ding Dongs, Devil Dogs, and other such onomatopoetic- and alliteratively named snack cakes will be scarce until the strike ends. Experts predict that a black market will quickly spring up, fed by smugglers carrying contraband confections up I-95 (now known as "Twinkie Alley") from Delaware. Shares of major dental equipment manufacturers were down at press time.
[Editor's note, by Inoshiro] you might also want to look at some of the scientific properties or the product in question.


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Twinkie Shortage Menaces US East Coast | 29 comments (29 topical, editorial, 0 hidden)
While it may be factual, shouldn't ... (none / 0) (#2)
by techt on Tue Mar 21, 2000 at 08:04:13 PM EST

techt voted 0 on this story.

While it may be factual, shouldn't this have been put in the "humor" section? Besides, little sugar filled and fat laden cakes with no redeeming nutritional value becoming scarce is most probably a good thing.
--
Proud member of the Electronic Frontier Foundation!
Are You? http://www.eff.org/support/joineff.html

It sounds hilarious but when I went... (none / 0) (#8)
by kraant on Tue Mar 21, 2000 at 08:08:34 PM EST

kraant voted -1 on this story.

It sounds hilarious but when I went to the link I got a wierd page with various pull down menu's for regions in the US :(

daniel - *sniffle*
--
"kraant, open source guru" -- tumeric
Never In Our Names...

Nice to see a reminder of what is g... (none / 0) (#13)
by scorpion on Tue Mar 21, 2000 at 08:28:58 PM EST

scorpion voted 1 on this story.

Nice to see a reminder of what is going on in the real world. :-) I love twinkies but haven't had one since I was a kid.

Oh, alert the media.... (3.00 / 2) (#10)
by Anonymous Coward on Tue Mar 21, 2000 at 08:42:00 PM EST

Anonymous Coward voted -1 on this story.

Oh, alert the media.

Feh (3.33 / 3) (#29)
by Anonymous Coward on Wed Jun 27, 2001 at 04:14:47 PM EST

Poo.

[ Parent ]
... (none / 0) (#11)
by auntfloyd on Tue Mar 21, 2000 at 10:59:56 PM EST

auntfloyd voted 1 on this story.

I wish I had known about this before! I spent my spring break at home in Delaware, and could have brought some smuggled Twinkies with me when I came back to NYC. There goes my shot at big bucks :)
--- auntfloyd

Funny! ... (none / 0) (#3)
by joeyo on Wed Mar 22, 2000 at 12:25:07 AM EST

joeyo voted 1 on this story.

Funny!

p.s. Can anyone be an "editor" for a story?

--
"Give me enough variables to work with, and I can probably do away with the notion of human free will." -- demi

editors (none / 0) (#18)
by rusty on Wed Mar 22, 2000 at 05:38:48 PM EST

No, Inoshiro is an editor by virtue of his history of producing original content, and the fact that that content is veritably riddled with PRE tags, which the normal submit story interface has some trouble with. So to save he and I both a bunch of hassle, I made him an editor.

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]
Re: editors (none / 0) (#26)
by joeyo on Thu Mar 23, 2000 at 02:33:05 PM EST

ok well that makes sense... well, if you the position of CowboyNeal ever becomes available...... :)

--
"Give me enough variables to work with, and I can probably do away with the notion of human free will." -- demi
[ Parent ]

Re: Funny! ... (none / 0) (#23)
by Inoshiro on Thu Mar 23, 2000 at 01:00:28 AM EST

It's kinda complicated

See, Rusty doesn't wear glasses. I do. So I had to be Hemos to his CmdrTaco, even though my handle (Inoshiro) has enough vowels to be the CmdrTaco to his Hemos (Rusty). As I said, complicated.

Anyways, you can't be a good side kick if they can't go and add goofy editor's notes, or just edit his account and make his privileges equivalent to an Anonymous Hero (mwuahahah!), so /mode +O Inoshiro on #kuro5hin :-)



--
[ イノシロ ]
[ Parent ]
Re: Funny! ... (none / 0) (#25)
by rusty on Thu Mar 23, 2000 at 02:30:52 AM EST

...or just edit his account and make his privileges equivalent to an Anonymous Hero (mwuahahah!)...

[repeated loud *thock* sounds in background] Yeah, but who's got the database password! (*THOCK* *THOCK*) Who's got r00t? (*THOCK* *THOCK*) Ya like that, huh? Ya like a good thocking?!?

--Rusty, giggling like a schoolgirl.

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]

Ha -- forget Twinkies, just don't t... (none / 0) (#12)
by locutus074 on Wed Mar 22, 2000 at 06:37:37 AM EST

locutus074 voted 1 on this story.

Ha -- forget Twinkies, just don't take my TastyKakes. :)

(For those who don't know, TastyKakes are the quintessential Philadelphia snack cake.)
--
"If you haven't gotten where you're going,
you aren't there yet." --George Carlin

This is earth-shattering news!... (none / 0) (#1)
by JDogg on Wed Mar 22, 2000 at 07:41:28 AM EST

JDogg voted 1 on this story.

This is earth-shattering news!


***It's like I'm Han Solo, you're Chewie, he's Ben Kenobi and we're in that FUCKED-UP BAR!!!***
-- Jay from Dogma

Hehe.. I just had a flashback to gr... (none / 0) (#7)
by Emacs on Wed Mar 22, 2000 at 09:23:24 AM EST

Emacs voted 1 on this story.

Hehe.. I just had a flashback to gradeschool.. Twinkies, King Dongs and my favorites the best snack food ever, the cream-fillded cake that reached mythical legendary status: Hostess Ho Ho's...I think it's been 10 years since I've put a Ho Ho in my mouth... but the memory still haunts me... I used to try to unroll them before eating them (it's not that easy... try it next time) and of course I had to pick the exterior chocolate layer off and eat it first. Ah... what the hell happened..why do we have to grow up and leave Ho Ho's behind....

Call in the National Guard!... (none / 0) (#14)
by dgfitch on Wed Mar 22, 2000 at 09:57:33 AM EST

dgfitch voted 1 on this story.

Call in the National Guard!

Is this a story about sex toys? ... (none / 0) (#5)
by hattig on Wed Mar 22, 2000 at 10:24:57 AM EST

hattig voted 1 on this story.

Is this a story about sex toys?

Ring Dings
Ding Dongs
Devil Dogs
Twinkie Alley

What the hell is a twinky anyway, for us non-US based people. I have always imagined them to be like smarties or M&Ms? Maybe it is an American name for a TellyTubbie.

point of clarification... (none / 0) (#19)
by deacon on Wed Mar 22, 2000 at 05:46:22 PM EST

nope, the amerikkkan name for a telletubby is telletubby. a twinkie is a phallic, cream-filled spongey-cakey-thingy with an indefeinite shelf life.
"How do men act on a sinking ship? Do they hold each other? Do they pass around the whiskey? Do they cry?"
[ Parent ]
Re: point of clarification... (none / 0) (#22)
by rusty on Wed Mar 22, 2000 at 06:06:06 PM EST

I think that should "infinite shelf life." Actually, I think Twinkies are marked with a "half-life", not a "shelf life".

____
Not the real rusty
[ Parent ]
Re: point of clarification... (none / 0) (#28)
by deacon on Fri Mar 24, 2000 at 05:35:53 PM EST

yeah, you're probably right.
"How do men act on a sinking ship? Do they hold each other? Do they pass around the whiskey? Do they cry?"
[ Parent ]
Re: Is this a story about sex toys?... (none / 0) (#20)
by techt on Wed Mar 22, 2000 at 05:50:41 PM EST

A Twinkie is a cylindrical sugary yellow sponge cake with no icing measuring aproximately 4 inches long. It is filled with a sugary white "cream" which if I'm not mistaken contains no dairy products but is actually whipped vegetable shortening, sugar, flour, and flavoring.
--
Proud member of the Electronic Frontier Foundation!
Are You? http://www.eff.org/support/joineff.html
[ Parent ]
What is a twinkie, anyway? I think... (none / 0) (#6)
by Fish on Wed Mar 22, 2000 at 10:32:09 AM EST

Fish voted -1 on this story.

What is a twinkie, anyway? I think it is "a food". So what if there is a small sweet food shortage in parts of America, there are food shortages all over the world. If I've got this wrong, please correct me, but even so, I hardly care.

Nothing personal. It's just that t... (none / 0) (#15)
by marlowe on Wed Mar 22, 2000 at 10:42:22 AM EST

marlowe voted -1 on this story.

Nothing personal. It's just that there's a fine line between the whimsical and the dumb. It's good enough for Slashdot. Submit it there. --- I will insist on my right to question ---
-- The Americans are the Jews of the 21st century. Only we won't go as quietly to the gas chambers. --

Just thinking of the taste of twink... (none / 0) (#4)
by ramses0 on Wed Mar 22, 2000 at 11:15:25 AM EST

ramses0 voted 0 on this story.

Just thinking of the taste of twinkies gives me a funny feeling... I don't think I ever really like them anyway.
[ rate all comments , for great justice | sell.com ]

... (none / 0) (#9)
by stimuli on Wed Mar 22, 2000 at 01:34:26 PM EST

stimuli voted 1 on this story.

Certainly we should demand that the government open up its twinkie reserves. This is a national emergency

:)
-- Jeffrey Straszheim

Re: Twinkie Shortage Menaces US East Coast (none / 0) (#16)
by deacon on Wed Mar 22, 2000 at 05:12:26 PM EST

to hell with twinkies. twinkies stink. on the other hand, if fudge rounds are affected by this strike, somebody is gonna have a serious problem on their hands. round, chocolatey, and only $.25...how can you beat that?
"How do men act on a sinking ship? Do they hold each other? Do they pass around the whiskey? Do they cry?"
put this in context (4.00 / 1) (#17)
by xah on Wed Mar 22, 2000 at 05:29:19 PM EST

This is funny, but let's not forget Mozambique and other countries where people die because of real shortages of food. Three-fifths of all hunger deaths are children. For more, see this page. Also, see this site.

Twinkie Background for the American-Snackishly Cha (none / 0) (#21)
by rusty on Wed Mar 22, 2000 at 06:05:02 PM EST

Some Twinkie info for those of you abroad who were puzzled and/or upset by this story:
  • Twinkies are small golden puffy cake-things filled with "creme." See the "scientific properties" link for various pictures of twinkies.
  • Twinkies are, in the US, sort of the Platonic Form of the "nutritionally valueless food item." They are 68% air and probably 20% sugar, and have no positive nutritional value that I know of.
  • Both the goofy name and the childhood memories of Twinkies that most Americans have contrive to make Twinkies one of those inherently funny things, like spider monkeys and Lake Tittikaka. This is why the idea of a "Menacing Twinkie Shortage" is funny to (most) Americans, but may not be comprehensible abroad.
  • Twinkies are amongst the stereotypical "geek snacks." Watch any movie containing the "fat computer nerd" stereotype ("Jurassic Park" for example) and chances are Twinkie wrappers will be amongst the detritus surrounding him.
  • Although they look like cake, rumor has it that twinkies are not actually baked, or cooked in any way, but in fact assume their cakelike sponginess as a result of a chemical reaction.
  • This is not really a story about a food shortage. If you tried to feed starving people Twinkies, they'd probably just die immediately. It's just a story that affords an irresistable opportunity for a silly writeup. And we all need to be silly sometimes.
I realize that this is a pretty American-centered story, and for those of you abroad, just nod and smile. But dammit, I'm an American, and it's my site, and sometimes things strike me as irresistably funny that may not be global in their humor value. If you Brits find a funny story about Parliament or something, and submit it, and get enough of your "mates" to vote for it, then we'll all shrug and look puzzled just like you did on this one. ;-)

--Rusty, undoing centuries of good trans-oceanic diplomacy :-)

____
Not the real rusty

Re: Twinkie Background for the American-Snackishly (none / 0) (#24)
by Inoshiro on Thu Mar 23, 2000 at 01:07:20 AM EST

We have them in Canada, too. Thankfully, they're not as popular as they are in the US. I tried one once. ... YECUCH.. You're not missing much if you're not eating these.

The "cake-like" substance surrounding the oily (petroleum based?) core is vile and sticky, with the core being like rotten/old whip creme. There's more nutritional value in 30-pin SIMMs.



Yes, Canada also has parliament. Nothing like the worst of both worlds -- at least we're larger area wise than everyone, except Russia, and are smaller in population than practically every country :-)



--
[ イノシロ ]
[ Parent ]
Re: Twinkie Shortage Ends! (none / 0) (#27)
by driph on Thu Mar 23, 2000 at 09:49:12 PM EST

Just to let all of your hearts rest easy tonite, I'd like to inform all of you that the Twinkie strike has ended. Here is the cnn story.

--
Vegas isn't a liberal stronghold. It's the place where the rich and powerful gamble away their company's pension fund and strangle call girls in their hotel rooms. - Psycho Dave
Twinkie Shortage Menaces US East Coast | 29 comments (29 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)
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